


Come On, Let's Strike a Match

by anyrei, mugglerock



Series: Domination and Submission: A Love Story [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost Suicide Attempt, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Play, Anal Sex, And Attracted to Each Other, Anonymous Sex, Because Both Parties in Question are Under the Influence, Because Seventeen Isn’t Eighteen, Bottom Dean, Chapter 5 Warnings:, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Coming Out, Cunnilingus, Cybersex, Dean Winchester Comes Out, Dean Winchester Comforts Castiel, Dean and Cas are best friends, Depression, Dildos, Dubious Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship/Love, Frottage, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light BDSM, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panty Kink, Possible Trigger Tags:, Recreational Drug Use, Remember That Story Dean Told Himself in the Endverse?, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Experimentation, Shotgunning, Sibling Abuse, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Technically Underage by US Standards, The Start of Dean Winchester's Panty Kink, The Start of a Decades Long Romance, Thinly Veiled Excuses, Thinner than Trump’s Ethics, Top Cas, UST, Uniform Kink, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vehicular Sex, YA, added tags:, ahem, exploration of bdsm, learning how to deep throat, not together though, so much UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 196,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Boy meets boy. And the rest, as they say, is history.[If you read this anywhere but Ao3, the content was posted without the authors' permission, no one should have to patronize other websites/apps when you can read this on A03 for free!]
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Lenore, Castiel/Others - Relationship, Dean Winchester/Others, Rhonda Hurley/Dean Winchester, pre Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Domination and Submission: A Love Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/845202
Comments: 80
Kudos: 97
Collections: The AnyRock Collection





	1. 1995 - Kiss From a Rose

**Author's Note:**

> **Any here:** I'm getting a little bit emotional cuz we finally finished this mega series and I'm super happy. I really loved this universe and I will miss Cas, Dean and Inias. I want to thank everyone who read our story and an especially warm hug to everyone who fell in love with our version of Inias and gave the ot3 love story an open minded chance. Although there isn't much of Inias in the prequel, he comes in this in a hopefully surprising way. And we wrote a highschool AU??? Well at least the first two chapters lol. That was fun!
> 
> Also a huge thanks to our beta [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas). You are incredible and I have no words to express how grateful I am for all the work you do for us. 
> 
> **Frankie here:** Yeah, seriously Ruk, thank you. Give her a goddamn round of applause, ladies and jellyspoons! As you can see this is a very long fic with so few chapters. So, the first three chapters are incredibly long, they are novel length, so please bear that in mind. Each chapter follows the year of their lives, starting when they meet in high school at the age of sixteen in 1995 and following the course of their lives for the next eight years. Because of this, updates may be slow, but the final part (the prequel!) will be posted in its entirety before the end of the year.
> 
> And there is some extremely difficult subject matter in this story, the big ones being: homophobia, suicidal ideation, and child abuse. Please see my tag novel (it will change to accommodate the necessary tags) for the entirety of the list. There’s some heavy shit, but hopefully the fun, silly, fluffy parts of the story make it worth it. There’s a lot of that too.
> 
> Like Any said, thank you to everyone who has helped make this series what it is, and we’re so thrilled that Inias has gotten so much love through it. We love these characters and it makes us happy y’all do too. So, yeah, long ass prequel, so give Ruk your love, ‘cause editing this was a bitch with our shit memories lolol.
> 
> Oh, and also if seeing Dean and Cas with other people is not your jam, we highly recommend you maybe sit this out. This is technically pre-relationship. 
> 
> P.S. Fun fact: this story has a lot of your authors in it. Mary and John’s characterizations are based on my parents, to include real anecdotes drawn from my life. And the immediate connection and certain behaviors when they first meet is, um, also drawn from my real life as well. 
> 
> Also, we didn’t “official”, archive warning tag for underage because, while seventeen year olds are technically underage in the US, and despite what cunthole Trump thinks, the US is not the center of the goddamn universe, because a lot of other countries understand that teenagers are going to experiment. ANYWAY. If you want to get technical, there’s some underage content for the folx in the US, for everyone else, it’s just… content.
> 
> Anyway, yeah. This fic has been complete for a while, but editing it has been a daunting task due to its length, lol. But if you’re looking for ALL the high school AU drama, riverdale kinda crap, you have come to the right place, set in the nineties, so you’ll get some fun throwbacks too! xD!
> 
>  **Any here:** It's funny that we both aren't into highschool AUs but here we are, having a highschool AU in the majority of our fic :D. It was so much fun to write though and I hope you guys have a lot of fun reading it. 
> 
> I only remember one other fic where we drove each other crazy with so much UST and that is "Have you tried turning it on and off again". Oh man, the porn outtakes this fic spawned... Anyway, it was hard to write... What also was hard to write was definitely the fact (at least for me) how much I drew from real life experience. There is a scene in this fic that was particularly hard for me to write and I had to take a break from it. But even though it was hard, I always think putting real life experience into something gives a story more life and realness.
> 
> So yeah, please enjoy the last piece of this epic journey :D
> 
>  **Frankie here:** Thank you by the way, for sharing that piece of yourself for this and breathing life into your characterization of Cas. We really tackled some difficult subject matter and hopefully the brief dalliances with realistic trauma just solidifies the message of it getting better. ❤️❤️
> 
>  **Any here:** It does get better. Especially with a little help from my friends... *cue music*
> 
>  **Frankie here:** and on that note (see what I did there?) May we present to you the final part of the Domination & Submission: A Love Story series, the prequel that starts where all good stories start… the beginning.

**1995 - Kiss From a Rose**

First day at school after summer break and Castiel was already running late. All because of his stupid brother Gabriel. He thought it was funny to change his alarm sound to soothing ocean noises. What an assbutt.

Two minutes left before the bell was going to ring… If he sprinted to the classroom, he could still make it. That was his last thought before he rounded the corner and collided into someone. He reacted on instinct, wrapping his arm around the other guy, so neither of them would fall backwards on his ass. 

He was met by startled green eyes that totally stunned him into a stuttering mess. “Oh, sh–shit. I’m so, so sorry.” He slowly let go of the other boy, who had freckles all over his face and was quite possibly the most beautiful human being Castiel had ever laid eyes on. “Are you okay, are you hurt?” Castiel added breathlessly.

Said beautiful human being became even more beautiful when he smiled. “I’m fine. How about yourself?”

“Other than totally embarrassed because I thought this only happens in comedy movies, I guess I’m fine. Um, I’m Castiel.” He reached out with his hand to greet him, returning the smile.

“Dean Winchester. Figured since you have such a fancy name, I had to make mine sound a little cooler.” Dean smirked as he took Castiel’s proffered hand, shook it gently, then released it with a slow swipe of his index finger along the back of his hand. 

_Dean._ Castiel couldn’t stop grinning, and his mind screamed at him to stop, because he probably looked like a stupid idiot. _Not creepy at all._ “I've never seen you around here,” he stated as he shouldered his backpack and started to walk towards the school entrance alongside Dean.

Dean chuckled. “Well, clearly. I’m surprised you can see anyone, clumsy.” He bumped his shoulder into Castiel’s and readjusted his backpack strap. “I’m new. We moved here from Kansas last week.”

Castiel gave Dean a shy smile. “Okay, so, since I’m so clumsy and all, you have the right to a personal tour through your new school. I guess you need to go to the office first to get your stuff, right? I’ll show you where that is. I’m already late anyway. And I don’t know, we could meet at the entrance during your first break and I’ll show you around?” He knew he was rambling, and somehow Castiel’s mouth wasn’t connected to his brain when his mind screamed at himself, “Stop talking!”

That was met with a soft chuckle as Dean nodded. “Sure, Cas. Lead me to the office.”

_Cas. Huh._ He decided he liked that Dean shortened his name. It was a million times better than Cassie. 

When they entered the hallway, his eyes only on Dean, someone roughly bumped his shoulder. “Hey, Captain. Wrong direction.”

Cas turned around to see Stephen grinning at him, greeting him with a fist bump. “I’m running late. Showing Dean the way to the office. Dean, this is Stephen, Stephen, meet Dean Winchester.”

Stephen nodded at Dean. “What’s up?”

“Not much. Other than the fact I’m bein’ shown around by a team Captain?” Dean directed that question to Castiel. “Surprising. We always assumed big city schools were filled with assholes.”

Before Cas could reply, Stephen laughed. “He’s our varsity basketball team Captain. And don’t be fooled by his nice, friendly look. He’s an asshole.”

“Thank you, Stephen.” Cas glared at him, which prompted Stephen to chuckle.

“You totally broke Paula’s heart, dude. She’s like the most beautiful girl in school.”

Cas sighed deeply, and scrubbed his hand over his face before he gave Dean a pained look. “Yes, our school is totally normal. Soap drama every day.”

Dean nodded. “So John Hughes _didn’t_ lie to me. That’s good to know.”

“I’m not a total cliché. I promise you, Dean. Also I’m not the football captain. I’m sure that helps,” Cas suggested with a grin before Stephen punched his shoulder.

“But he’s your friend.” Stephen shook his head and mouthed to Dean, ‘total asshole,’ before he grinned at Cas. “See you in class, dude.”

Cas waved with a pout before he chuckled and shot Dean an apologetic look. Way to make an impression. First almost knocking him over, and then he gets outed as the Jock idiot-asshole who breaks girl’s hearts. “Where were we? Oh, yes. Front office.”

Dean chuckled. “You know, I’m not gonna lie, you’re kinda the exact opposite of how I pegged you the first minute of knowing you.”

“How so?” Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t take offense, but you reminded me of my best friend back in Kansas. Sweet, polite, a total friggin’ nerd. Dude could barely speak to a chick, let alone break the heart of one.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I’m a nerd, I guess. I just happen to also be good at basketball, and attracting girls.”

Dean narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Prove you’re a nerd.”

“I have a pretty big video game collection. If you saw my room, you wouldn’t ask for proof, believe me.” Cas gave Dean a once over too, not because he wanted to evaluate him, but because Dean was really nice to look at. “What about you? You don’t really look like a nerd.”

Dean smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “I know all the titles of the original episodes of _Star Trek.”_

Cas smirked at him. "Guess that makes you a little nerdy."

Dean hummed in affirmation, nodding his head slowly as he looked Cas over. Suddenly he burst into laughter and clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “I was just fucking with you, man. I ain’t that big a _Star Trek_ fan. I prefer _Quantum Leap._ But then… Scott Bakula looks better shirtless.”

Cas quirked his eyebrow. That was an interesting statement. He wondered if that meant Dean thought men were attractive, or if he was just making an observation. He hummed thoughtfully after a moment. “Scott Bakula is a really good looking guy.”

That was met with a firm nod. “Bet your ass.”

Cas gave him another shy smile before he nodded to a door. “That’s the office, Dean. Will I see you during our first break?”

“It’s a date, as long as you promise not to break _my_ heart.”

Cas froze before he stared at Dean. “W–what?” he stammered, resisting the urge to face palm himself for being such an idiot. 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Joke, dude.”

Cas gave him a lopsided grin before he rubbed his hand over his neck. “Yeah, sure, sorry, of course.” _Shut up, Novak!_

He shot Dean another stupid grin and an awkward wave before he practically fled in the other direction, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him. Way to lose his cool. What the hell was wrong with him?

His teacher gave him a pointed look, and a brief lecture about responsibility, when he arrived way too late and was only stuck with a seat somewhere at the back of the class. He buried his face into his elbows to suppress the groan. Dean would probably never speak to him again now, and probably thought he was a total assclown.

“Alright, attention everyone. We have a new student starting today, a Mister?”

“Winchester. Dean for short.”

The class responded with a handful of snickers for that quip.

“Dean, welcome. Go ahead and take your seat. There’s a vacant one next to Mr. Novak.”

Cas looked up, feeling like he was frozen solid. Dean was in his class? _Oh, fuck._ And he was walking right towards him to take the seat next to him.

He was still waiting for that miracle to happen, hoping the floor would just swallow him whole.

_Pull yourself together, Novak._

He turned to look at Dean, giving him a quick, stupid wave. “Long time no see,” he whispered.

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Time’s been good to you.”

Cas grinned back. "To you, too. You haven't aged at all... Want to look at my book as long as you don't have one?"

“Thanks,” he said with a smirk, as he scooted his desk over, until Dean’s desk was touching Cas’s. At his bemused look, Dean shrugged. “Figured this would be easier than passing it back and forth.”

Cas licked over his suddenly too dry lips and nodded. Feeling slightly breathless, he leaned over to Dean, putting his math book between them. Dean was really close, he could feel the warmth radiating from him, and that somehow made his heart beat faster.

He had never felt this way before, but he had been involved in enough drama to know what that feeling was. He had a massive crush on the new guy.

And it was just the first day of school.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

When their Dad broke the news that they were moving to Chicago six months ago, Dean had not been on board. He had friends in Lawrence. His best friend Ash. His girlfriend Cassie. The Winchesters had lived almost their entire lives in Lawrence, and it was bullshit that halfway through high school he’d have to start all over as a junior in some shitty, hoity toity, big city high school.

The kind of place where kids like him were bullied, or worse… lured into becoming a mindless fucking sheep. Dean shuddered at the thought. Sammy was psyched about it, but he was only starting seventh grade. Even in Lawrence, that was like starting from scratch, but Dean was going to be a _junior_ in high school.

Dean had given his Dad the silent treatment pretty much since he broke the news that he had been offered a massive promotion and position change for the tire company he worked for. Head of parts and resale for the Chicago office. It meant more money, it meant better opportunity. But all Dean heard was they were leaving, to go to fucking Chicago of all places.

It just wasn’t fair. 

And Dean came storming into his first day of school determined to not speak to anyone. Because no one would be as cool as his friends back home. He was just going to keep his head down for the next two years and hopefully pass without anyone ever learning his name.

That was until he ran into, quite literally, Castiel Novak. Dean had been grateful for the unexpected collision, because it gave him an excuse to be breathless. The guy was beautiful. Like, could be on TV _beautiful._ Dark hair, and the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. It was like they’d been painted on.

Then, come to find out, this beautiful creature was kind of a dweeb. But a confusing dweeb, since he also appeared to be popular, _and_ a jock. Either way, he had never fallen in like with someone as hard as he did with Cas in that moment. Dean tried to play it cool, but deep down, he was freaking out a little. When Cas offered to show him around, he was surprised he didn’t trip over himself with excitement.

Apart from sharing his first period with the blue eyed teen angel, Dean went through his next two periods in a daze, daydreaming about how he was going to behave around Cas when he showed him around. He didn’t want to come across as nervous as he felt. 

The buzz of the end of third period was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. Dean scrambled to grab his things and practically ran to the hallway by the front office, sitting on one of the stone benches as he waited for Cas to show. A dreadful thought ran through his mind then. What if this was all some sort of practical joke? Maybe the whole basketball team was going to jump him and give him a swirlie, or run him up a flagpole, or…

_Damn._ Dean needed to cut down on his TV time. Particularly Nick at Nite. 

His musings were interrupted when Cas ran up to him with a smile. He was now wearing his Varsity jacket, and looked much more like a jock. “Hello, Dean.”

“Heya, Cas. Or should I say, _Captain?”_

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. Damn, he was cute when he seemed to be embarrassed. “I have training later. I don’t know if you’re interested in basketball, but if you are, and, um, have time, maybe… um, you can come by later and watch? We have our first game pretty soon.”

_Hell yeah, sign me up for that._ Dean grinned and shrugged noncommittally. “Could be cool. I’ve never watched a basketball game before, though. Was always more into wrestling and football.” 

“Hope it won’t be too boring for you.” Cas grinned before he nodded in the direction of the school. “Come on, I’ll show you around. The captain of the football team is a friend of mine, if you’re interested in trying out. I warn you, though, they aren’t very good. Just don’t tell them I told you that.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Yeah, no. I don’t play. I just watch.”

Cas flashed him a charming smile before he chuckled. “In this case, smart choice, Dean.”

He led Dean out through the doors to the main quad, where in the center was a giant amphitheater. Dean couldn’t help but chuckle, it almost felt like the set of _Clueless,_ the way so many different types of people broke off into similar cliques. Dean quirked his brow. “Lemme guess, is this where you guys have your cool, wicked hip, dance offs?”

Cas scrunched up his nose. “No dance offs, but I fear the rest is pretty cliché.” He pointed at different groups with his index finger as he listed them, “Hippies, science nerds, princess slash cheerleader bit– um, girls, more nerds, the school orchestra and glee club, the jesus freaks, the wannabe gangsters, and the jocks.”

Dean nodded and hummed contemplatively. “So, which group do you hang out with? Nerds or Jocks? Wait, wait, wait… Let me guess… The glee club?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "The princesses of course, Dean. It's like you didn't listen _at all."_

He put his hand on his shoulder and guided him over to the jocks, who were currently throwing a basketball back and forth to each other. And _not_ in a very friendly way.

"Hey, guys, stop it! I don't want anyone to get hurt before the first game," Cas yelled, surprising the hell out of Dean. Even more when the guys stopped their game and one of them even apologized.

“Oh, you gotta teach me that,” Dean murmured in amazement.

Cas gave him a confused head tilt before he looked at the others again. "Guys. This is Dean Winchester. It's his first day here at our school." Cas pointed at Stephen. "You already know Stephen. This is Mike, Luke, Jack, Tegan, and Kent." Cas pointed at each of the guys, and Dean knew he wouldn't remember all the names. "Kent is the Captain of the football team, but he is allowed to sit with us, too," Cas quipped shortly after Kent threw a banana at him, aiming for Cas’s head. Cas caught it just in time with a cheeky grin. “Thanks, Kent. Your throwing skills are as amazing as always.”

Dean chuckled and nodded to the guys. “Nice to meet you. I look forward to awkwardly asking for your names again later.”

When Cas was about to sit down, he was suddenly pulled away by a bit smaller looking guy with amber colored eyes and wild dark blonde hair. “I need your help, bro.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you, assbutt!” Cas retorted, looking annoyed at the guy before he patted Dean’s shoulder. “Be right back. I just need to tear my brother a new one.”

Before Dean could say anything Cas had already grabbed the other guy, who seemed to be his brother, and vanished with him behind a wall. 

“Gabriel is fucking dead,” Jack _(was it Jack?),_ a guy with short dark hair and brown eyes, laughed, causing the other boys to chuckle

Dean couldn’t help but join in on the laugh. He definitely understood having an annoying younger brother. “What he do?” he asked in the general vicinity, since all of their names were now completely gone from his brain.

Stephen chuckled and grabbed Cas’s backpack, opening it before he pulled a pink tank top. “This used to be white.”

“And pink is so not Cas’s color,” Dean sassed, shaking his head in amusement.

The guy next to Stephen, the black dude with the name Dean couldn’t remember, added with a laugh, “He’s also the reason Castiel overslept this morning. Changed his alarm to the sound of ocean waves. Gabe always does shit like that.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “What grade is he in? He doesn’t look old enough for high school.”

“Gabe is in junior high,” the guy answered as he leaned back and pointed to a different building. The same one Sam had to go to this morning.

“When Castiel is done with him he won’t be anywhere anymore,” the other guy, who had been quiet so far, said with a chuckle. For some reason, he rubbed Dean the wrong way. He had squinty, ice blue eyes that looked cold and cruel. 

Dean nodded, a little uncomfortable now. “So, uh… basketball, huh?” Damn, he wished Cas would come back.

Stephen gave him a friendly clap on the shoulder. “Yeah, you should come to a game. Castiel will need at least one person to cheer for him after he brutally rejected Paula.”

The rest of the guys became a chorus, bellowing a simultaneous, “Ohhhh!” Stephen leaned back and pointed at the group of cheerleaders. “See the sexy, and probably most beautiful girl in the universe there, right in the middle? That’s her. She is seriously not used to hearing ‘no’. Cas will be in deep shit this year, I tell you.”

Stephen wasn’t kidding. She was all leg, a beautiful face, olive complexion. Pretty much the embodiment of Kelly Kapowski. “Damn. Cas turned _her_ down?” How picky was Cas if a teenage male would even _think_ of saying no to someone that hot?

“Yeah.” The tallest one shook his head (he should really learn their names). “Castiel is kinda weird about that.”

“Fuck you, Tegan,” Cas barked as he slapped the back of the guy’s head. “I’m not weird. I’m just choosy.” He sat down next to Dean with a deep sigh. “Did you all just bitch about me while I was gone?” He gave Dean a pained but comical look. “I swear, I’m not as bad as they probably say.”

“So you _don’t_ host illegal underground fighting rings every Saturday to fund your crack addiction?”

Cas stared at him for a moment before everyone around them burst into laughter. The guy with the cold blue eyes groaned. “You should see your stupid face.” He stood and rounded the group before he added, “Anyway. I’m gonna go talk to her. She’s probably very vulnerable right now with her broken heart.” 

Cas rolled his eyes. “You’re an asshole, Luke.”

“Love you, too. _Captain.”_ The guy wandered off and Cas visibly shuddered.

“If she knows what’s good for her, she’ll reject him,” Cas murmured, and Dean caught a weird exchange of pointed looks between Stephen and Cas.

Dean quirked his brow at the guy’s retreating form. “He’s a big ray of sunshine, ain’t he?”

“Yes,” Cas mumbled before he tapped Dean’s arm. “Come on, I’ll show you the rest of the school, so you don’t get lost.”

“Sounds good. Nice meeting you guys.” Dean waved to Cas’s friends and followed him to the right of the quad. 

“I feel like you’re getting an unfair advantage. You know more about me than I know about you,” Cas stated after a moment, giving him another one of those cute, shy smiles.

Dean returned the smile and shrugged. “What do you want to know?”

“Everyt–I mean...” Cas rubbed his neck again. “Do you have any siblings?”

It was fast becoming inconvenient how Cas became more and more endearing. “Yeah. Baby brother. He’s going to the junior high here. I know you definitely have one. Any others?” This was always his favorite part of making a friend; getting to know them.

“An older brother. Michael. He’s not at school anymore. And yeah, you met Gabriel, soon to be Deadriel, if he doesn’t save my shirt somehow. He is horrible.”

Dean chuckled. “Little brothers always are. What about your folks?”

“My father is a lawyer, but he’s–not at home very often. My mother is… she is a theology professor at Columbia.” The way he talked about his family sounded weird, like he was talking about strangers. “What about your family?”

“Dad got a promotion for the tire company he works for, hence the transfer. Mom does the stay at home crap, but she’s gonna try and go back to school.” He smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Alright, now that the boring family crap is out of the way, favorite movie, book, actor, band, and song. Go.”

Cas smiled at him before his expression turned thoughtful. "Um, shit. Favorite movie is difficult. I think it's a tie between _Lone Wolf McQuade_ and _Alien,_ the _Lord of the Rings_ Books, Chuck Norris, Billy Joel, and _Piano Man._ And you?"

Dean was impressed. Most people usually crumbled under the pressure of that kind of question. “Easy. Movie is _The Untouchables._ _Slaughterhouse Five_ by Vonnegut. DeNiro and Adam Sandler are my favorite actors. Zeppelin and in turn, _Ramble On.”_

“Not bad choices. I think we will get along pretty well, Dean.” Cas grinned before he nodded to the gym. “This is where I’ll be later, by the way.”

Dean nodded. “So, do you usually show the new kid around, or am I special because I caught you when you fell?”

Cas chuckled and drew closer, holding his palm against Dean’s forehead. “I think you might have hit your head, because I remember that _I_ caught _you.”_ He slowly drew his hand back. “I usually don’t show people around. I made an exception for you.”

“Well, ain't I a lucky goil?” he teased, bumping his hip into Cas’s.

Cas quirked his brow. “Oh, are you? See, and here I thought you were a lucky _guy.”_

“Cocky. I like you, Castiel Novak. You're fun.” 

“Good.” Cas chuckled. “Otherwise that would have been a pretty one-sided friendship. Do you already know if you have time to come to practice? No pressure, but I could use the moral support.”

Dean shook his head. “Actually, I gotta pick up my brother and walk him home. But, uh…” he pulled out a pen from his backpack and grabbed Cas’s hand. Pulling the cap off with his teeth, Dean used his free hand to write his house number on Cas’s palm. “Call me when you get home?”

Cas looked at the number before his sapphire blue eyes met Dean's again, a soft smile playing around his lips. "Yeah, okay. I will."

“Good.” Before Dean could say anything else, the bell rang. Dean smiled at Cas and rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks again for the tour, _Captain._ And if I don't see you later, good luck at practice.”

"Thank you. I will need it." Cas gave him another one of his charming smiles. It totally explained why that beautiful girl had been interested in Cas in the first place. 

Dean smirked. “Somehow I doubt that.”

“Pink tank top and a pissed off head cheerleader. Think again, Dean.” Cas chuckled before he waved and walked backwards, in the direction of the locker room.

“Point!” Dean called out after him, reveling in the fact that the cute, popular guy had taken an interest in being his friend. And even if this experience ended up sucking, Dean realized in that moment that maybe he should cut his dad some slack.

As Cas disappeared with another friendly wave, Dean couldn’t help but smile. He really hoped Cas was going to call. He wondered if Sammy was having as good a first day as he was.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas plopped onto his bed at home and groaned into his ALF pillow. What a fucking day. Paula and her band of bitches had punished him with silence every time he had scored a point at practice. The morale was down the drain, and his team was making him feel responsible for the cheerleaders being bitches. The pink tank top didn’t help. They would probably keep giving them the cold shoulder in their first game against Kenwood. 

This day would have been a complete failure if it weren’t for meeting Dean Winchester. Cas had copied his number into his notebook, afraid he would sweat it off his skin at practice, or wash off in the shower after. His hand still tingled from the memory of Dean holding it and writing his number down. The numbers were barely visible anymore, so it had been a good call to write them down. 

He sneaked down the hallway, even though no one was home yet, to grab the cordless and carry it up into his room, locking the door behind him before throwing himself on his bed again. He felt nervous, but he reminded himself that Dean had given him this number so he would call. 

His fingers shivered slightly when he dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up. His heart beat erratically, and he tried to calm down his breathing.

“Hello?” A sweet female voice answered, probably Dean’s Mom.

“H–Hello, is Dean home? It’s, um, Castiel. Cas.” Cas braced his palm over his face and repressed the groan at his lack of eloquence.

There was a soft chuckle as she said, “Sure, hon.” In the background he could hear her yell, “Dean! Get your ass down here! Phone!”

Which was followed by some rustling and the sound of Dean in the background. “Jesus Christ, woman! I was only in the kitchen.” After another beat, he answered, “Yeah?”

Cas couldn’t stop grinning. The Winchesters seemed to live a very different family life then he did. “Um, hi, hello, Dean. It’s me, Cas.”

“Cas! Hey! Uh… Let me switch to the cordless. Gimme a sec, okay?” There was some more rustling, the sound of another line opening, before the telltale click of Dean hanging up the other phone. “So, how was practice?”

“I wore a pink shirt, and every time I scored all you could hear was crickets from the cheerleaders. If I needed a word to describe it, I think abysmal would be the most accurate. Damn, girls can be resentful.” Cas noticed that bitching about his day helped him with his nervousness. He already felt a lot better.

Dean chuckled. “Man, you must have done that chick pretty dirty. What’d you do? No one went into detail, so I’ve been making up stories in my head.”

“She was after me the whole of last year, and then she asked me to go to this dance thing. I don’t really care about dances, so I told her I wasn’t interested in going with her. The problem was that I said it in front of her whole squad and... I think that might have been a mistake,” Cas finished lamely.

That was met with a deep chortle. “Damn, Cas. Not gonna lie, you deserve what’s comin’ at you. You embarrassed her in front of all of her friends. I mean, how would you feel if the chick you were into told you she wasn’t interested in you in front of everyone?”

“I don’t know,” Cas admitted quietly. “I was never interested in anyone.” _Great. What’s with the honesty? Do you really want Dean to think that you’re a complete weirdo? Too late probably, anyway._

His mind obviously wanted to torture him too on this fine day.

“I call bullshit. Even if you’ve never met someone in real life you’re into, there’s gotta be a famous person, or something.”

Cas sighed deeply. “You probably think I'm weird, right? Because I don't like anyone like that.”

“Well…” he started, and the pregnant pause wasn’t instilling Cas with any confidence. Dean finally said, “I like that you’re weird. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have given you my number.”

Cas wasn’t sure what to think for a moment. His mouth reacted before his brain did. “That’s, um, weird.”

Dean laughed again. “What? That I like that you’re weird?”

Cas chuckled. “Yes, usually people think that’s not a very likable attribute.”

“Well, I’m a weirdo, too. No room to judge.”

“Why do you think you’re weird?” Cas asked curiously, because Dean hadn’t given him that impression so far. Well, other than the fact that Dean liked having weird friends.

“See? That’s your problem. You see being weird as a bad thing. Hold on…” There was some rustling and he could hear Dean yell, “Mom! Mom!”

After a moment, he heard the woman yell back, “What, Dean?”

“Am I weird?”

“You’re the weirdest child in the world. Can I go back to what I was doing?”

Dean chuckled, and yelled his affirmation before finally coming back on the line. “See? Ain’t nothin’ wrong with being weird.”

Cas couldn’t help but laugh again. “Your family sounds pretty awesome.”

“Yeah. Sammy and I really lucked out. You think my Mom is great? My Dad is even goofier. And yes, I am, in fact, a teenage boy bragging about how awesome his parents are.” Cas could practically hear Dean’s smile.

“You’re really lucky,” Cas replied, trying not to sound too wistful. “The best thing about my parents are: I don’t see much of them.”

“Latchkey situation?”

“Yeah...” He didn’t really want to talk about his parents, so he decided to switch the topic. “Hey, um, do you want to meet up?“

“Right now?”

That had been probably a dumb question. He was sure Dean still had things to do, and why the hell would he want to see Cas outside of school? Cas wondered how he could save the situation. “Um... whenever you have time, doesn’t need to be today… I don’t know, I could show you around. Maybe on Saturday, or like whenever.” In that moment he wished he could just sew his mouth shut.

“Mom!” Dean yelled again, to which he could barely hear his mother’s annoyed response. “I’m gonna go out. That cool?”

“Be home by ten!” 

Dean chuckled. “I’m free now. So, am I picking you up, or…”

“I don’t know how well you already know the area. It’s probably easier if I pick you up,” Cas suggested, already searching for the keys to his car. Well, his Dad’s car, but since he wouldn’t be coming back in the next few days, it was Cas’s car.

“Cool. I live on Seeley Ave. How far am I from you?”

Cas stopped his movement. Dean practically lived around the corner. “Oh, that’s actually closer than I thought. A few minutes.”

“Awesome. So, see you in a few?”

“Yes!” _Oops, that came out a bit too enthusiastic._ “I mean, yeah, cool, see you then.”

Dean chuckled. “Cool.” And the line disconnected. 

Cas put the phone down on his bed and looked in the mirror, trying to tame his wild hair for a minute before he gave up. Shirt? Mmh, no, too conservative. He pulled it off and threw it onto the bed before he pulled his black batman t-shirt out of the closet, smoothing it over with his hand as he critically scrutinized his appearance in the mirror.

Okay. So maybe he lied to Dean about one thing. He _had_ never been interested in anyone, that much was true. But that drastically changed this morning when he bumped into Dean. 

He had never made an effort to look good for anybody, and his heart was racing just at the thought of seeing Dean again. 

Then there was this internal voice… pointing out the fact that after all this time, the first person he was interested in was a _boy._ It didn’t make things easier, and his parents would kill him if they found out. Not that he thought it was realistic Dean liked him that way too. He had never met another boy who _wasn’t_ interested in girls, and he didn’t believe Dean was an exception.

But the important thing was, he really liked Dean. There was something about him, Cas couldn’t pinpoint it, but he hoped they could, at least, become really good friends.

A final glance in the mirror revealed his hair still looked like he had lost a fight with a tornado, but he looked okay enough to go outside. Cas grabbed the keys and snuck down the hallway, hoping Gabriel wouldn’t hear him, before he quietly shut the door behind him. 

His father’s car was a black Porsche GT3. His mother accused him of buying it because of a midlife crisis. Cas didn’t care. He had access to four wheels, and that was all that mattered.

A few minutes later he had found Dean’s house, his heart beating erratically again, and he took a few moments to calm down, planning out what he could show Dean first. It would probably be easier to just ask Dean what he wanted to do. 

Cas got out of the car and walked up to the door, raising his hand to ring the doorbell when the door was opened.

A beautiful blonde woman was standing behind it. She smiled at him and stepped aside. “You must be the infamous Cas. Dean hasn't shut up about you since he got home.”

“For fuck’s sake, Mom!” Dean barked as he suddenly appeared next to her, shrugging on his jacket.

“What did I tell you about that sort of language?”

Dean grinned and said, “Don't use it around real adults.”

She nodded and leaned forward expectantly for a kiss. “Damn right. Now kiss your mother, and have some fun.”

He rolled his eyes, but kissed her cheek anyway. Dean smiled at Cas. “Nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” Cas breathed out, staring at Dean and his mother with wide eyes. He felt incredibly envious at that moment. Also… Dean had told his mother about him?

“You boys be safe. Make sure he’s home by ten, Cas. Don’t want to get on our bad sides.” She winked at him. 

“Alright,” Cas promised quickly, feeling slightly intimidated, before he grabbed Dean’s sleeve and pulled him in the direction of his car. He waited until the front door closed before he leaned over to him. “Your parents don’t own a rifle and a shovel, by the way?”

Dean chuckled. “I should s–” He stopped mid sentence and just stared, his mouth agape. “No fucking way that’s your car.”

"Um, technically it's my father's car, but he never drives it because it upsets my mother," Cas explained slowly before he added, “and he also doesn’t drive it because my mother told him he only bought it to compensate for other things he lacked… sexually. Hence why it’s kind of my car now.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Damn, Cas. That’s cold.” He clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I won’t think this is an extension of your dick.”

He had no idea where his next reply came from, but he believed it was Dean’s proximity and the way he made him feel. “Good, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

That was met with a surprised eyebrow raise. Dean smirked and nodded as he pulled open the passenger side door. “Guess I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Cas chuckled and sat down in the driver's seat. "Ready for the grand tour through Downer's Grove?"

Dean nodded. “Show me Gotham, Batman.”

Cas started the car with a grin, a grin that widened when he noticed Dean's admiring look when he heard the engine roar. “If I’m Batman, who are you?”

“Not gay enough to be Robin. Oh! Can I be Catwoman?”

Cas’s heart stopped for a moment as he looked at Dean. _Not gay enough_. Maybe he was just saying that. Some of the guys on the team joked about that too. “So you like to be catty?”

“That was quite possibly the worst pun, Cas,” he said with a chuckle. 

"I'm not sorry." Cas chuckled before he gave him a flirty smile. "So, you can be Catwoman and I'm your trusty, loyal and dashingly handsome sidekick."

Dean scoffed and shook his head, returning the smile. “Since when does Catwoman have a sidekick?”

Cas gave him a pointed look. "It's Catwoman and she is badass. Even Batman would be a sidekick. He just doesn't know it."

“So, you’re Batman in this scenario?”

"Of course," Cas answered in a growl, lowering his voice.

Dean shrugged. “Catwoman’s cooler anyway.”

“Then it’s decided.” Cas winked before he purred, “Catwoman.”

Dean shrugged. “Guess it’s settled. I’m the catty bitch, and you’re my trusty, loyal, dashingly handsome sidekick.” When the radio station started playing an older song, Dean leaned forward and turned the radio up as he proclaimed, “And speaking of catty bitches, I _love_ this song!”

_Opposites Attract_ by Paula Abdul. Cas couldn't really sing, but that didn't stop him from singing in the shower every morning to the radio, and knowing the lyrics from a fuck ton of songs by heart. So he couldn't stop himself from singing quietly along with it.

“No, no, no!” Dean demanded, and shoved at his shoulder. “Sing and mean it, or don’t sing at all, Cas! Paula deserves more respect than that.”

“I can’t really sing,” Cas protested before he shot him a quick, begging look. “Only if you sing with me.” 

Dean’s grin turned feral as he started singing along, never missing a single beat. He arched his brow at Cas expectantly.

_Fuck._ Dean had an amazing singing voice. And unfortunately, he had told him he would sing with him, so Cas did. At least he knew the lyrics; that had to count for something, right?

When Cas flawlessly rapped M.C. Skat Cat’s part, Dean’s smile grew even wider. He quirked his brow before he tongued his canine and kept singing Paula’s part.

Cas was sure he hadn’t had this much fun in a very long time. His heart skipped a beat every time Dean looked at him and smiled, and Cas couldn’t help but smile back, possibly falling even more for the beautiful boy next to him. 

He stopped the car at the park where he played football as a kid. Now most kids from his school just went there to hang out, enjoying the last days of summer, playing ball, or just listening to music, lying lazily in the sun.

He smiled brightly at Dean when they sang the last tune together before the song ended, and some guy started to talk about president Bill Clinton. Cas shut off the radio and pointed outside. “Come on, let me show you _‘the place’_.”

Dean grinned and unbuckled his seatbelt. “Lead the way.”

Cas got out of the car and led Dean to a graveled path, walking towards the huge field, where people were barbecuing, playing frisbee, or just lying on picnic blankets, enjoying the sunshine. 

“What was it like, back in Kansas?” Cas asked after a moment, his shoulder bumping into Dean’s from how close they were walking. Not that Dean seemed to mind.

“Nowhere near as big as this place. My hometown had like, a tenth of the population Chicago has. But with small towns, comes small minds. So, while I was pissed about the move, I’m kinda happy to get out of that place for other reasons.” Dean grabbed a leaf off of a branch and started toying with it. “What about you? Have you always lived here?”

Cas shook his head. “I was born in Pontiac, Illinois, but I can’t remember it. My parents moved here when I was a baby.” He bit his lip and tilted his head. “Is it okay if I ask what those reasons are, you mentioned? Did you have problems at school?”

Dean chuckled. “No more than your nerdy, weird, doesn’t-really-flow-with-the-grain type of kid does. And you hear the way I talk. You think a guy making jokes about being a chick went over well in a backwards ass state like Kansas?”

Cas nodded in quiet contemplation before he looked at Dean. “Yeah, I actually _can_ imagine how that probably didn’t go down well. I get it pretty often from my mother, every time she asks me why I don’t have a girlfriend yet.”

“Yeah, while my parents are awesome, I don’t think I could ever tell them I’m not always into girls, you know?”

Cas stopped walking for a moment, unable to contain his surprise. "You're not?"

Dean groaned and braced his hand over his face. “Please tell me you aren’t one of those homophobic assholes. You seemed cool, s’why I was stupidly honest, but if you and your jock friends are gonna string me up, can you at least give me a running start?”

Cas’s eyes widened in shock. “No, no, no. I’m totally cool with it. Don’t worry, Dean. Seriously, I’m certainly the last person to have a problem with it.” _And oops, that was maybe a tad too much information._

That was met with a relieved sigh. “Good.” He let out a soft laugh as he looked Cas over. “My gaydar isn’t on the fritz.”

“I’m not gay,” Cas replied quickly, “I’m… I don’t know. Not sure there is a word for what I am.”

Dean slung his arm over Cas’s shoulder and grinned broadly. “Welcome to the wonderful world of not fitting into a neat little box. Your t-shirt will arrive in six to eight weeks.”

Cas couldn't help but chuckle as he leaned into Dean. He was pretty sure this was the beginning of a wonderful friendship.

There was a beat of silence between them, contented and comfortable, because there wasn’t anything quite like finding someone to be completely honest with. Dean’s smile was contagious, and he couldn’t help but appreciate the way Dean’s freckles stood out in the sunlight. Cas almost didn’t hear when Dean said,

“So what is there for two teenage boys to do in this crazy city?”

Just as Cas was about to answer, something struck his back. Even blind he could feel it was a way too inflated basketball. "Oof," he groaned and whipped around to be met with Luke smirking at him, wearing a falsely apologetic smile. Paula was standing right next to him, her arms crossed over her chest. Cas bent down to pick up the basketball Luke had obviously thrown at him, mumbling, "Fuck."

“So sorry, Cap!” Luke called out. 

Dean took the ball from Cas and threw it back at Luke, getting him right in the gut, causing the guy to bend over and grunt in pain. “So sorry, dude!” Dean barked, tone entirely sarcastic. 

Luke squinted his eyes at him. "Man, your girlfriend can really handle a ball, Castiel." 

Cas flipped Luke the middle finger before he turned to Dean. "Come on, let's go."

“And I’m sure your girlfriend appreciates that you attempt to use her gender as a way to insult me. I take being called a chick a compliment, so thank you, dick.” Dean gave him a falsely pleasant smile before turning to Paula. “I don’t know you, but you deserve better than an asshole like that.”

Paula scoffed and carded her hand through her hair. “Oh, please. As if I would have a boyfriend that _isn't_ the captain of a team.” She walked up to Dean and gave him a long once over before her cold gaze landed on Cas. “Is that the reason you weren't interested, Castiel? Are you gay?”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to keep himself from exploding. Which didn’t work, and he knew he would regret his next words, but he couldn’t stop himself from snapping, “I'm not interested in you because you're a horrible person and I can't stand you. And if you were honest with yourself, you would see that you aren't even interested in me and only in what I represent. Just because you're the head cheerleader doesn't mean you _have_ to be with me.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully. He looked from Cas and back to Paula before he stepped between them. “You guys are definitely putting the _ass_ in _Degrassi._ Come on. Look, Paula, whether or not Cas here is interested in you isn’t any of our business, and you should respect that. And Cas, buddy, you gotta admit the way you turned her down was pretty shitty. Why don’t you apologize to each other and agree to be mutual acquaintances? Save the drama for actual TV?”

_Great! Now thanks to Paula, Dean thought he was an ass._

Before he could say anything, Paula shot Dean an incredulous look and yelled, “Who do you think you are, new kid? Just because Castiel talks to you doesn't mean you can butt into my relationship with him. It's none of your business.”

“We don’t have a relationship,” Cas grumbled before Paula grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. 

“I need to talk to you in private.” Her tone didn’t allow any room to disagree.

Cas gave Dean a pained look. “Sorry, um would you wait here for a minute?”

Dean nodded and moved to sit on one of the stone benches, pulling out a quarter and expertly rolling it across his knuckles. 

Paula headed towards the parking lot, dragging Cas by his sleeve until they were out of earshot of anyone who might possibly care. “Your asshole friend had one point. Are you gonna apologize?”

_Don’t roll your eyes at her!_ Cas sighed deeply. “I’m sorry I said it like that. I should have paid more attention to our surroundings.”

She scoffed and shook her head. “No. You’re gonna apologize to me in front of everyone at school tomorrow. Maybe even tell me it’s because you don’t think you’re good enough for me. Yeah…” Paula hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah. I think that would work.”

Had this girl lost her damn mind now? “Um, no, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will. Or I’m telling everyone you’re a faggot. And Mr. Smarmy is your butt buddy. You get me?” 

Cas squinted his eyes and stepped right in front of her. “Oh, yeah? Go ahead and try. But I give you a fair warning, if you want to pull a power play with me, you _will_ lose.”

Paula smirked as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I wouldn’t try that, Castiel.” She then feigned an innocent expression and started crying. “I’m so sorry to tell you like this Mr. and Mrs. Novak, but I saw Castiel doing… adult things with another boy. I… I thought you should know.” And just as quickly as she dropped the crocodile tears, Paula wiped her face and straightened her posture, fixing him with another smirk. 

Cas hoped he wasn’t as pale as he felt as the blood drained from his face. He breathed out a soft, “You wouldn’t.”

“You shouldn’t mess with me. I can end you faster than you can blink. So, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a public apology. You should be grateful I’m not demanding you make me your ‘girlfriend’. But I don’t date faggots, so you’re off the hook.”

Cas was stunned. He had no idea what to do, but the last thing he wanted to do was apologize to that horrible bitch. He needed a plan, but he needed time. “Okay,” he agreed through gritted teeth. “I’ll do it.”

“Good!” Paula gave him a false smile and, before he could stop her, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. As she practically pranced off, she called out in a sing-song tone, “See you tomorrow, Castiel!”

Cas rubbed the back of his hand over his cheek, feeling dirty before he shook himself. _Fuck._ What a fucking _bitch._

He was so angry, but all he could think about was what would happen if his parents thought he was gay. They would kill him. Or maybe his mother would send him to some doctor or whatever to fix him. Either way, his life would be over. Cas angrily wiped away a tear, trying to pull himself together before he turned around to return to Dean.

The smile on Dean’s face instantly vanished when he saw Cas’s expression. He stood and approached him, brow furrowed in concern. Dean gently grasped Cas by the forearm. “What happened?”

“You maybe should reconsider if you want to be seen with me. I don’t want you to get pulled into my mess.” Whatever Cas did tomorrow, it would probably be social suicide, and he didn’t want Dean to go down with him.

Dean arched his brow in challenge. “Try me.”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration. “She is blackmailing me into apologizing in front of her girls, telling them that I’m not good enough for her. And if I don’t do it, she will go to my parents and tell them she saw me having sex with a boy.”

“Damn,” he breathed out. “I was only _joking_ about you guys being from Degrassi high.” Dean appeared contemplative for a moment before a wicked grin took over his face. “I have an idea.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “I’m not going to apologize to that bitch.”

Dean shook his head. “Take me home, right now.”

To say Cas was confused was probably the understatement of the century, but he nodded. “Um, sure. Sorry for all of this. This was not really what I planned for going out with you.” Heat rose to his cheeks as his eyes widened. “I mean _going,_ ‘outside,’ not, ‘out,’ as in a… you know… I’ll shut up now.”

There was a beat of silence before Dean let out a soft laugh and said, “You’re cute when you’re flustered.” Dean winked at him as he started walking back towards the parking lot. 

Cas just knew that comment probably made him resemble a tomato even more, so he tried to look in a different direction. At least Dean thought he was cute. “So, are you going to tell me your idea?” he asked when he unlocked his car and got in.

Instead of answering, Dean asked, “What’s Paula’s last name?”

“Sherrinford.” Cas started the car and gave Dean a skeptical look. “Why?” 

Dean simply grinned and shrugged noncommittally. “You’ll see,” he said with an air of mystery. “So, tell me… Are all the chicks at this school total bitches like her?”

Cas continued to shoot Dean insecure looks before he shook his head. “No, but I’m afraid the cheerleaders are pretty cliché… Dean, you’re making me nervous. I’m freaking out. If my parents think I’m gay, I’m dead.”

“Then we better make sure they won’t ever think that, shouldn’t we?”

"How? Because seriously, if she goes to them, crying and everything, they will believe her over me. They already think I'm not normal because I don't have a girlfriend." Which was a very bitter truth, but one he had learned to live with.

Dean clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Oh, ye of little faith. She might have crocodile tears, but we’ve got something much more powerful in our arsenal.”

“We do?” Cas asked in confusion, trying to concentrate on driving, and taking a few calming breaths as he tried to not think about his mother’s stern look of disappointment.

“Oh, yeah,” was all Dean said as he happily tapped his fingers on the dashboard along to the song on the radio. When they pulled in front of Dean’s house again, he unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to Cas. “Come on. Let’s fix your mess.”

Cas had no idea how Dean planned to do that, but the confidence the other boy was radiating slowly started to have a calming effect on him. “Alright.” 

He got out and followed Dean up to his house.

When they entered the home, Dean barked out, “Mom! I need you!”

She came out of the kitchen wiping her hand on an apron that said, ‘Hot Stuff Comin’ Through’. “What are you doing back? Did Cas already get sick of you?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I need you to be a real, community loving, god-fearing parent for like five minutes. Cool?”

That was met with a smirk as she undid the apron and dropped it over the back of the recliner. “What do you need me to do?”

Dean gave her a quick breakdown of what just happened. The way Dean talked so casually to his mother was a little mesmerizing. And the sympathetic smile she gave Cas was a little overwhelming. After he explained everything, she grabbed a phone book and grabbed their cordless phone.

When she put the phone to her ear, she winked at Cas. She feigned a nasally voice and said, “Hello, is Miss Sherrinford available?” Dean grinned broadly at Cas and nodded for him to keep watching his mother. “Oh, no. That’s alright. My name is Amber, I’m from Planned Parenthood and this is a courtesy call. We always follow up with patients after they’ve had a procedure. If you could just leave her a message to call us immediately if there’s any excessive discomfort. Oh! And we suggest going to a hospital if the bleeding persists. Thank you.”

She disconnected the call and chuckled. “Well, that little bitch won’t be going out anytime in the next millennia. Next?” She directed that question to Dean.

He grabbed the phone and plugged in another number before she grabbed it. After a beat she asked in a very soft and professional tone, “Hello, is this Mrs. Novak?”

Dean gently grasped his hand and held it when Cas immediately tensed.

“Oh, yes. Mrs. Novak. My name is Mary Winchester and I’m new to the area, so I do apologize for such an intrusion of privacy by looking you up in the phone book. I was coming home from church and I happened to overhear a couple of young school girls talking disparagingly about their classmates, in particular how they were intending to ruin a few of the more popular boys in their school’s lives by claiming…” Mary feigned a shudder on the line before she continued, “By approaching these boys’ parents and telling them they are homosexuals. I happened to hear the name Novak and wished to notify you, as a god fearing woman, I would hate to see any young man’s life ruined on the whim of an insecure teenager.”

Mary smiled and nodded as she listened to whatever his Mom was saying in response. “No, no. I was only doing my Christian duty. I’d hate for your son to be unfairly punished. No. Thank you for being so understanding.”

Mary hung up the cordless phone, took an exaggerated bow, before dropping the phone onto the couch. “And that’s why you don’t try to play with the big girls.” She looked at Cas and smiled sweetly. “Your mother believed me and thanked me for doing the Christian thing. You won’t have to worry.” She turned to Dean and asked, “Can I stop being a professional parent and go back to microwaving dinner for you jackasses?”

Dean chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You’re the fucking best, Mom.”

“Damn right I am.”

Cas was stunned to silence. He couldn’t believe Dean’s mother had just done such a thing for him. “I–um, thank you, Mrs. Winchester. Thank you so much.”

He turned to Dean, who more or less smirked at him before he pulled the other boy into a tight hug, whispering, “Thank you, Dean. Seriously, you saved my ass.”

Dean chuckled and patted his back. “Anytime, Cas.”

When he drew back, Mary ruffled Dean’s hair and nodded to Cas. “You're welcome, baby. Also, don't call me Mrs. Winchester. Mary is fine.”

As she disappeared into the kitchen, she called out, “Now go be boys and have fun!”

Dean grinned and bumped his hip into Cas. “So, what do you want to do?”

Cas returned the smile with a smirk before he grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him closer, whispering, “Want to see my secret hideout?”

“The Bat Cave?”

“Something like that.”

Dean quirked his brow. “Lead the way.”

Without missing a beat, Cas guided Dean back outside to his car. “It’s not far.” 

He drove back to his house, a few streets away from Dean’s, and parked behind his mother’s car with a grimace. Not that they would run into her. “I live here by the way.” He nodded towards the house before he got out of the car.

Dean whistled as he looked up at their house. A two-story colonial, complete with enormous pillars that stood the height of the house. “Now I’m genuinely questioning if you actually are Bruce Wayne.”

“Not sure I would look good in tights and a bat costume though.” Cas shrugged thoughtfully, and waved for Dean to follow him down a path along the side of the house, hidden between hedges. It was his secret passageway to the back of the house that led to a forest behind the garden. 

He pushed a big branch to the side for Dean, so he could slip past him, feeling excited to see if Dean liked his hideout, hoping he didn’t think it was stupid and completely boring. 

Just beyond the line of trees in the forest, hidden by thick bushes from the outside world, was his tree house. A tree house he hadn’t built himself, but had found when they moved here, and told no one about. Not even his brother knew about this place.

Dean was the first to see it, and he tried not to think too much about why he was trusting Dean with this secret as he pulled down the rope ladder. “Welcome to my hideout.”

Dean shook his head in apparent amazement. “Cool. Is there a secret passage to Narnia, too?” he teased, but there was no heat to it. 

“Sadly there is no closet.” Cas grinned as he climbed up the ladder and through the trapdoor, kneeling next to it to help Dean through. He closed the hatch when Dean knelt next to him, taking everything in, the comic book collection, the cozy mattress and pillows. The posters decorating one of the walls. “Do you think it’s lame?” Cas asked slowly.

“No, this is like… the coolest thing I’ve ever seen, dude.” Dean kept looking around, perusing the comics before he moved to sit on the mattress. “It’s kinda tragic you never had a crush on anyone. This is like… the perfect makeout pad.” He picked up a first edition _Uncanny X-men_ and amended, “Well, for nerds anyway.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck as he sat down next to Dean. "You're the only person besides me to know about this place, Dean. Not even my brother knows."

Dean regarded him for a moment, lips curled into a sweet smile. “Don’t I feel special?” He winked at Cas and let out a sigh as he dropped back against the mattress. “You know I was super pissed about moving here? Haven’t spoken to my Dad in almost two weeks. I was determined not to make any friends here.”

Cas let himself fall back on the mattress next to him, letting out a deep sigh, finally starting to feel more relaxed as he turned to look at Dean. "Well, let me make a case. As my friend you can always come and hang out at my awesome secret hiding spot. You would have live-action drama, and you would never get bored."

Dean chuckled and turned to his side to look at Cas. “You misunderstand me. I'm letting you know you fucked all that up. I wasn't expecting to meet anyone cool and then your clumsy ass fell for me.”

Cas couldn't help but smile shyly at Dean. His heart was beating erratically again when he thought how true Dean’s words were, in every sense of their meaning. "I can't say I'm sorry my clumsy ass... fell for you."

“Good.” After a beat he said, “So, tell me a secret. Something no one knows.”

Cas gave Dean a long look before he licked over his suddenly too dry lips. "I never made out with anyone." He looked away then and shook his head. "None of my friends know. They all think I made out with some cheerleader girl, because of gossip, and I never corrected it." He bit his lower lip before he looked up. “What about you?”

Dean propped himself up on his elbow. He appeared contemplative for several moments before his eyes lit up. “Okay. I have a good one, but you can’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.” Cas grinned as he mirrored Dean’s position.

“I liked Val Kilmer as Batman.”

Cas took in a sharp intake of breath and held his hand in front of his heart, pretending to have a heart attack before he died dramatically on his mattress, spreading out his limbs like a starfish. “I’m dead. You deaded me.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “He wasn't _that_ bad!”

Cas chuckled, closing his eyes and letting his tongue hang out of his mouth. “That movie was so cheesy, and you killed me.”

His lips curled up in an eerily good impression of Jim Carrey. “I simply love what you’ve done with this place! Heavy metal meets House and Garden,” he said dramatically, even managing to match Carrey’s intonation. 

Cas couldn’t stop laughing, even though he still tried to play dead. Dean was really funny.

“You’re really noisy for a deaded guy, you know that?”

“I know, I tried. I think you need to extra kill my mouth.” He knew he was being ridiculous, but in that moment he didn’t care. He hadn’t had this much fun in a long time.

Dean hummed thoughtfully and tapped his chin. “And how would one kill a mouth, exactly?”

Cas’s breathing hitched and his heart stumbled as he looked up at Dean with a grin. “I think you have to get creative.”

His eyes lit up with a positively evil grin. He was a finger steeple away from Mr. Burns. Dean pulled off his left shoe. “I have like... the _worst_ foot odor. I’ll stuff my smelly sock in your mouth!”

“Oh my… holy fuck.” Cas chuckled and tried to get away from Dean, turning around to push him against the mattress, pinning him down with his weight before he could get his sock off. “Please let me live,” he begged playfully, keenly aware of the hard lines of Dean’s chest and the warm skin of Dean’s wrist beneath him.

Dean stopped struggling and started laughing. “I guess I could let you live, seeing as you have _me_ in _your_ clutches.”

“I had to.” Cas leaned over Dean’s face. “I’m pretty sure you’re using a weapon that violates the Geneva convention.”

Dean chuckled and stared up at him with a fond expression. “Peace treaty?”

“Sure, do you have terms?” Cas asked, really liking his position on top of Dean.

“You let me up, and I promise I won’t write love letters to Val Kilmer everyday and sign them, ‘yours forever, _Batman_ forever, Castiel’.”

Cas chuckled. “That sounds fair.” He slipped off of Dean before he laid down next to him again. He gave him a thoughtful look, chewing his lower lip before he asked, “Did you have a girlfriend or whatever… back in Kansas?”

Dean nodded, his expression a little sadder now. “Yeah. Her name was Cassie. She was… she was perfect.”

“Oh, um, sorry to hear that. I bet you miss her a lot.” Cas played with a loose strand on the mattress to distract himself from inappropriate thoughts.

“Yeah. She was one of the main reasons I wasn’t speakin’ to my Dad. She was… She had the best smile.”

Cas couldn’t help but be grateful she was gone from Dean’s life, and then he felt slightly guilty about it. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess that’s why you dubbed me ‘Cas’ and not ‘Cassie,’ like my little brother calls me all the time.”

Dean scoffed in disbelief. “I didn’t call you Cassie because you’re so not a Cassie. You’re clearly a Cas. And your brother sounds like he needs a good pranking.”

“Uhhh...” Cas held up his hand. “Be careful, my friend. Gabriel has a nickname here. The Trickster. I swear he lives for pranking other people.” He shrugged and added, “And sweets.”

“I’ll accept that challenge, Sir!”

“That was not a challenge, Dean. Seriously. If I hadn't met you, today would have been my worst first day of school ever.” Cas gave Dean a soft smile. “Your mother is pretty awesome by the way.”

Dean nodded in agreement. “Sammy and I seriously lucked out on the parent front. You can't have ‘em though,” he teased.

“Damn, I was just about to ask if they could adopt me.” Cas grinned before he sighed deeply. “I'll be in so much trouble when my mother finds out my shirt is pink. It’s somehow always my fault.”

“Middle child syndrome?” 

Cas shrugged. “Maybe. Michael is like the perfect son, and since he moved out… I suddenly get a lot of pressure and attention. And since Gabriel is the youngest… I should have known better, you know?”

“Known better than to what? Not sell your brother to the highest bidder when you had the chance?”

Cas chuckled before he shook his head. “No,’you should know better’ is one of my mother's phrases,” he said before he changed his voice to a higher pitch to imitate his mother, “You should know better than to give your shirt to your younger brother to wash. It's your own fault for not giving it to the maid. You’re irresponsible and you never think things through. You will end up on the street as a tramp, Castiel. You're such a disappointment.” Those words once had the power to hurt him, but now they were only met with an empty, hollow feeling.

Dean’s brow furrowed and his expression grew serious. “Wait, wait, wait, wait… You have a maid?” The serious expression turned into an amused one when he winked.

“And a cook,” Cas added with a soft smile, grateful for Dean’s ability to somehow make him feel better with a joke. “We don’t have a butler named Alfred though.”

Dean let out a dramatic sigh. “I don’t know if we can be friends then. I only befriend people with butlers named after well known comic book characters.”

“Too bad.” Cas replicated the dramatic sigh. “I always wanted someone to share new comics, and the amazing pie our cook bakes, with someone.” 

“On the other hand, no need to be hasty.”

“I get the feeling you only want me for my comics and pie.” Cas pouted playfully.

Dean smirked and put on an effeminate tone. “Found me out, Mr. Wayne.”

Cas thought the only appropriate answer to that was to hit Dean in the face with one of his soft pillows.

The surprised grunt was worth it. “What's with the pillow violence?” Dean said through a chuckle, grabbing the pillow from Cas and tucking it under his head.

“It’s the only weapon I have at my disposal as a cheap version of Bruce Wayne,” Cas replied dryly as he leaned back against the mattress, looking up at Dean. “So, how was your first day?”

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Small talk? Really? Ask what you actually want to ask.”

Cas gave him an insecure smile. “No, I’m really interested in your day. Like, have you met other nice people already? What’s your favorite class? What do you want to be when school is over?” Cas sighed and pressed his face into the pillow. “I may be kind of popular at school, but my social skills are abysmal. I’m sorry.”

Dean chucked Cas’s chin and smiled. “Just breathe. You're overthinking this. There's not an expiration date on this, dude. You got time to get to know me. And my favorite class is first period.” He gave him a pointed look.

His heart skipped a beat before Cas smiled brightly at Dean. “You’re aware that our first period is math, right?”

“Well, _shit._ No wonder the teacher looked at me funny when I answered the quiz questions with Shakespeare quotes!”

Cas couldn’t help but burst into laughter at that. Shit, Dean was seriously perfect and he knew he was falling hard and fast for the guy. 

He was so screwed.

“Alright. Ask a real question.”

Cas stared at Dean for a moment, swallowing dryly. “Have you ever kissed another boy?”

There was an unbearable beat of silence. Maybe he had misunderstood all of Dean’s comments. Maybe Dean had been joking, was just trying to be funny. And right before Cas found himself hyperventilating at letting that question slip out, Dean nodded. “Once. During a truth or dare game back in Kansas at a friend’s sixteenth birthday. Kinda how I figured out I like guys as much as girls.”

Cas rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “So, is it very different from kissing a girl?”

Dean pursed his lips in contemplation and shrugged. “Yes and no? I mean, I'm no expert; I've only kissed one guy and four girls. But kissing is kissing. Some people are good, some people are bad. One difference is girls are a little more gentle, guys are more aggressive. At least based on my experience. I swear that dude tried to swallow my tonsils.”

Cas scrunched up his nose before he chuckled. “How drunk had he been?”

“He wasn't. Just super into making out, and it apparently didn't matter with who. Some of the girls were really into it, so I think he tried to put on a show.” Dean chuckled and moved to lay on his side, facing Cas. “So, why haven't you kissed anyone? People are clearly into you.”

Cas shrugged lightly. “It may sound weird, but I don’t feel very attracted to people. Like… hmm, you know when guys are looking at a girl and react to her? I don’t know why, but I don’t do that. I just don’t look at girls because I’m just not interested.”

“Maybe you're completely gay? Do guys do anything for you?”

Cas couldn’t tell Dean that he was the first person who he was sexually attracted to, so he went with how it had been before he met Dean. He shook his head. “No, not really. I wish it was that simple.”

Dean regarded him for a moment, brow furrowed in contemplation, before he seized forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. He drew back and searched his face. “That do anything for you?”

Cas’s heart had stopped, he was sure of it. He just stared at Dean with wide eyes, trying to get himself to breathe again. Dean had _kissed_ him. His first kiss. A kiss that had been way too short, but fuck, it had been _perfect._ His lips still tingled from the soft contact.

He cleared his throat and licked over his lips, chasing the sensation. “Um, yeah… That was um… nice.”

Dean smiled and gently patted his cheek. “Then you might be gay. But hell, maybe if you kiss a girl, you'll feel the same way, too. Who knows?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “Just that I don’t feel very motivated to do so.”

And he knew it was because he liked kissing Dean, not someone else.

“So you're lazy. Everyone’s gotta kiss you first, huh?” He smirked.

He had no idea where the bravery came from, but Cas leaned over and captured Dean’s upper lip in a soft, quick kiss before he leaned back with a raised eyebrow and a dry, “Not sure lazy counts as a sexuality, Dean.”

Dean chuckled and chewed the inside of his cheek. “You don't know that for sure. Maybe the lazysexuals have been wanting to have a pride parade, but they're all too lazy to pull it together.”

“Okay, okay.” Cas chuckled, holding up one hand. “That’s it. I’m gonna out myself to you as lazysexual. I just can’t be bothered to spend energy on having a girl, or boyfriend. Too much drama with girls, and too dangerous to try with boys.”

“I knew it!” Dean chuckled and dropped his head back on the mattress. “Sorry I kinda stole your first kiss, but I'm sure once you have your first _real_ kiss, you can erase this one from your memory.”

“Well, I’m not sorry, Dean.” Cas smiled, but he couldn’t look at him when he said, “I think I got pretty lucky ‘first kiss’ wise.”

Dean scoffed. “That barely counted as a kiss, dude.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “How would I know? I don’t have a comparison. Pretty sure Paula kissing my cheek against my will doesn’t count as experience.”

“Good to know my sad kiss was better than an unwelcome one from a manipulative bitch,” he sassed.

“So much better.” Cas grinned back, bracing his chin on his palm as he looked down at Dean. “So, why wasn’t that a _real_ kiss? Felt pretty real to me.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, it technically was a real kiss, but when I say real, I mean like a movie kiss. The whole passion, tongues, foot lifting thing. I basically smacked my face against yours.”

Cas shook his head, laughing. “It’s funny you use a movie kiss as an example of a real kiss. There is not much reality in them, is there? I mean, they just pretend in movies. I don’t think they even use their tongue in most cases.”

“I meant the whole whirlwind, breathtaking, romance of it. Not the realism. A real kiss should make you _feel_ like you're in your own girly chick-flick. You should feel like Meg Ryan.”

“Do you watch a lot of those movies?”

Dean shrugged noncommittally. “I mean, I just watch a lot of movies. Not really all that picky about the genre.”

“You do, right?” Cas leaned over Dean and gave him a bright smile. “You really love those movies, admit it.”

Instead of answering the question, he said, “You're telling me the idea of meeting someone at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day, or moving to France, or rescuing someone from train tracks and posing as their fake fiancé to see them in the hospital, just doesn't _scream_ romantic? That it's silly, or ridiculous?”

“You’re pretty amazing, Dean,” Cas murmured, still hovering over him. “Seriously. I like that you’re not like all the other boys.”

Dean grinned. “I'm glad. It usually weirds people out. I like that you aren't like all the jocks I've ever met.”

Cas shrugged. “I’m still pretty cliché about the movies I watch though. Anything that explodes is fine by me.”

“You can be trained,” he said with a shrug.

“Hey, if you wanna force me to watch chick-flicks, I’m gonna force you to come to my games. Because it’s only fair.” Plus he seriously wanted to spend every second with Dean, but that went unspoken.

Dean moved to partially sit upright, propped up on his elbows. “Alright, for every game I'm forced to attend, you have to watch a movie of my choice.”

Their faces were very close with Dean’s new position, and Cas couldn’t help but look at Dean’s lips before he looked up again, trying to smile. “Okay, deal.”

“Wanna start tonight? We could head back to my place, you can have dinner with us, and then I'll drag you to my room for some torture?”

“Rawr. Who told you I’m into that?” Cas chuckled before he pushed himself off the mattress. “Alright, sounds like a plan.”

Dean moved to sit up. “Just a fair warning. You're gonna end up falling in love with my parents, if you already like my mom.”

“Maybe I’ll get them to fall in love with me too, and then they can adopt me,” Cas quipped in a playfully hopeful voice. 

That was met with a faint smile and a beat of silence before Dean said, “Yeah. They probably will.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The problem with being as upfront and brazen as Dean Winchester was he did stupid shit, like kiss boys in secret tree houses and try to play it off like it was a normal thing to do. Dean’s crush on Cas was worsening by the second, but outside of that, he also genuinely liked the guy. Very few people were capable of keeping up with him when it came to his honesty, references, jokes… you name it. 

At some point during a conversation, even people like his good friend Ash, or ex Cassie, would eventually get frustrated with him. Which he always took in stride. He knew he could be a little much sometimes. He had come to accept that most people just weren’t going to put up with all of his shit. That a line would be drawn.

But Cas seemed okay with it. Instead of freaking out by having his first kiss stolen, or the fact that he did it without asking or whatever, Cas just shrugged it off. Hell, he kissed Dean back, and the way his stomach flip flopped was probably anything but good. Because if they were on the verge of some clandestine high school romance, that would mean things would end badly. And Dean didn’t want that.

He’d only known Cas for less than a day and he could already sense that, provided Cas didn’t get fed up with him, this could be the making of an amazing friendship. And Dean would be damned if he fucked that up for himself. It had never felt so easy before, making a friend, and that alone was an indication that whatever was between them could go the long haul. Cas-standing-by-his-side-as-his-best-man-at-his-future-wedding-to-some-unknown-person-however-many-years-down-the-line kind of long haul.

Dean silently promised himself as they drove back to his house that he would make sure he wouldn’t fuck that up for himself, or Cas. He looked forward to learning more and more about his new friend. Hell, Dean couldn’t wait for his Dad, and even Sammy, to meet Cas. And that was weird. While he enjoyed introducing his family to new friends, because it usually resulted in amazement and awe, which filled Dean with a sense of pride; this was the first time he was actually excited.

Because if Cas loved his family as much as everyone usually did, then it would just be another guarantee of Cas sticking around. Maybe even putting up with Dean’s weirdness, that would come out in full force sooner rather than later, just so he could keep the entire Winchester clan in his life.

When they pulled up in front of his house, Dean unbuckled his seatbelt and smiled at Cas. “So, uh… Seeing as you have a cook, whatever my Mom made for dinner is probably going to be really really terrible by your standards, because it’s usually bad by normal standards, but she means well,” he warned. 

“She’s never poisoned anyone, right?” Cas asked with a charming smile before he followed Dean out of the car.

“Not that you can prove,” he quipped. 

“So, if she offers me mushrooms, I’ll just stealthily slip them on your plate and I’ll be fine.”

Dean chuckled. “Are you allergic? Or just super anti-mushroom?”

“Neither. Sorry, the mushroom thing is from a bad joke, the only one I know. So the police arrest a woman for murdering her fourth husband with a frying pan. All the others died of poisoning. And the police officer asks why she killed her husband with a frying pan, and she says, ‘because he didn’t want to eat the mushrooms.’” Cas practically winced and looked at Dean. “I’m terrible at jokes, and I can’t remember them. It’s a curse.”

_Damnit._ All he wanted to do was kiss Cas again. And he really needed to stop thinking about kissing Cas if he wanted this friendship to pan out. Which he did. Dean smiled and said, “Well, thank god you’re cute.”

That didn’t help his damned urge to kiss Cas when the other boy blushed, and flashed him a shy smile, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked like he wanted to say something, but they were interrupted by his Dad opening the door. “Hey, boys. You must be Cas. Already heard so much about you.”

Cas looked up in surprise, but shook Dad’s hand. “Um, yes. Hello, Sir. Nice to meet you.”

“Sir?” Dad asked and Dean rolled his eyes. 

“I can make polite friends,” he defended.

That was met with a bark of disbelieving laughter before he turned around and walked back into the house. Dean looked at Cas and shrugged. “Ignore him. And if he offers to share baby pictures, your answer is a steadfast and hard no, got me?”

Cas opened his mouth in surprise before he flashed him an evil grin. “Uh, um, sorry? I don’t think I heard you right. You said I’m _allowed_ to see you as a cute, little baby?”

Two could play that game. “I’m sorry, did you just ask me to team up with your little brother to prank you?”

“I bet they are worth it, worth all the pain that will follow.” Cas’s grin quickly turned into a sweet smile.

“Cas!” Mom called out in pleased surprise. “You haven’t gotten rid of my son, yet? He hasn’t taken his shoes off in front of you, has he?”

"No, he hasn't. But he really wants me to see his baby pictures," Cas replied with an overly friendly smile, bumping into Dean's shoulder.

Dean repressed the groan at the way his Mom’s eyes lit up. “John! Where’d you put the photo albums? Cas wants to see Dean’s baby pictures!”

His Dad came into the room again with a thick photo album already in hand. “Already one step ahead of you.”

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder and waggled his eyebrows. “I want all of your embarrassing kid stories.”

“Start with the one that has Dean dressed up as Sandy from Grease!” Mom called out from the kitchen. 

Dean looked at Cas with an annoyed, yet entirely put on scowl. For whatever reason, he wasn’t as embarrassed as he usually was. Dean kinda wanted Cas to know the stories, not that he needed to know that. “That’s alright. I’m gonna get you good.”

Cas winked and quipped, “You do that, I’m going to enjoy this.” 

He sat down next to Dad on the couch, who gave him an excited and proud smile as he opened the photo album. “This is Dean when he was just a week old. Wasn’t he the cutest little baby?” 

“Dad, seriously. I promise, when you and Mom are old and incontinent, in adult diapers, I’m gonna take thousands of pictures and show them to everyone.” 

Completely ignoring that comment, Dad showed Cas another picture. “And look, this is Dean ‘eating’ his first pie.” 

Cas held his hand over his heart. “Oh, man, he looks so cute with pie all over his face.”

“Yeah, he still looks like that when he eats pie,” Sammy quipped as he approached the back of the couch. 

Dean shoved his brother and decided he was over this. Making his way to the kitchen, he laughed as he caught his Mom transitioning KFC onto actual serving plates. “Mom, you know we’ll be able to tell that’s not your cooking, right?”

“Presentation is everything.” She shrugged, throwing away the empty cartons before she smiled at him. “So, you found a new friend, huh?”

As he moved to stand closer to the counter, helping her finish setting up all of the plates and setting the table, he replied, “Yeah. He’s pretty cool. I mean, it was nice having him as a friend before you and Dad decided to embarrass the ever living shit out of me.”

Mom pinched his cheek and flashed him an amused smile. “If he still wants to be your friend after this, you know he’ll be worth it.”

Dean sighed and bumped his hip into hers. “Sammy’s in there now. I’m pretty much screwed.”

“Just another reason he’ll be a friend for life if he makes it through the night.”

Grabbing some glasses from the still unpacked box, he chuckled. Dean looked at her and gave her a hesitant half-smile. “So, uh… What do you think of him?”

Mom gave him a long, soul-searching, bordering on uncomfortable look before she smiled. “The more important question is, what do _you_ think of him?”

“It’s weird. I’ve only known him for a day, but it feels like I’ve known him forever, you know?” Dean couldn’t help but smile back. He really liked Cas. 

As Mom filled up the glasses with soda, she said, "You know I thought the same thing when I met your father? Sometimes you just meet people, and things just click."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a little warmer from that comment. “Well, yeah, but it’s not the same. We’re both guys, you know?”

That was met with a quirked eyebrow. “That doesn’t matter, Dean. If you click with someone, you just click. But you know it doesn’t have to be in a romantic way. You can also find a best friend that way.”

That made Dean smile even more. _Best friend._ He could definitely swing that. Because if Cas wanted to be Dean’s best friend, then there was a really good chance they’d always be in each other’s lives. “Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

“See? And the considerate mother that I am, allowing KFC to make our dinner so you can keep Cas a bit longer than tonight…”

“Provided Dad hasn’t completely ruined everything.” Dean pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Should I grab everyone? Tell ‘em dinner’s ready?”

“Yes, do that. Love you, honey.”

“Same, Mom.” Dean took a deep breath and made his way back out to the living room. Cas was still engrossed in whatever embarrassing picture from his childhood Dad was gleefully showing off, Sammy sitting on Cas’s other side, pointing something out to them.

“Yo, jackasses. Dinner’s ready. Mom slaved over a hot takeout container.”

Cas looked up at Dean, his expression nothing short of gleeful as they all got up from the couch. “Did you really jump from a roof dressed as Batman when you were six?”

“No. My father is the biggest liar in the universe.” Dean smirked and added, “I was dressed as Superman.”

“Oh, yeah, I remember now. _Sam_ was Batman,” Dad reminisced as Sam groaned in frustration.

“I broke my arm because of you.”

“Batman has never been able to fly. It’s not my fault you were a stupid kid,” he quipped.

Sam pushed him before he ran around the table and sat down next to Mom. “You’re stupid, Dean!”

Cas chuckled, giving him a quick wink. “I bet that hurt. Do you need a hug, Dean? Before you burst into tears?”

Dean quirked his brow, but no way in hell was he gonna turn down a hug. He extended his arms out in invitation.

Cas let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like an, “aww,” before he pulled Dean into a tight hug and rubbed his palm over his shoulder. “There, there. No worries, I’ll protect you from evil younger brothers.”

“I’m not evil,” Sam protested.

Dean scoffed, enjoying the warmth of Cas’s hug before he drew back. “Whatever you say, Lucifer.”

“Alright, you two. Enough. Eat the food I spent hours preparing,” Mom said, the smirk on her face completely undermining any authority in her tone. 

Dean and Sam apologized in unison as Dean took the seat across from Sam, nodding for Cas to sit next to him.

When Cas sat down, his hand brushed over the back of Dean’s hand under the table before he quickly pulled away, flashing Dean a shy and apologetic look. He quickly turned to Mom and Dad. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”

Dad chuckled. “You’re willing to submit my son to embarrassment. You’re always welcome here, Cas.”

Dean flipped his Dad off, to which all he got in response was a smack upside the head from Mom. Apparently it was pick on Dean day. He sighed and leaned over to grab a piece of extra crispy chicken. 

Cas appeared to be confused and hesitant for a moment, watching as everyone started serving themselves. "You don't say grace?"

Which prompted the entire table to burst into laughter. Dean shook his head. “Mom and I are atheist, Dad’s agnostic, and Sammy’s Lucifer, remember?”

Cas’s hesitation quickly dissipated and he grinned brightly. “Cool.” Dean appreciated how happy his friend looked when he started to eat, almost like he was doing something rebellious. 

Dad laughed as he proceeded to dump almost all of the mashed potatoes on his plate. “So, Cas. Tell us about yourself.”

Cas swallowed before he answered, “My name is Castiel Novak. I’m seventeen and Captain of the varsity basketball team at our school. I have a younger brother, Gabriel, who is in middle school, and an older brother, Michael, who is becoming a lawyer like my father. My mother works for the church mostly, but she is also a professor of theology at Columbia. I want to become a doctor when I finish school.” 

Mom’s eyebrows shot up, seemingly impressed. Dad smiled at him. “They train you to recite that, or was it programmed, kid?” Dad asked, tone gentle and lightly teasing.

“Trained since I could talk.” Cas chuckled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “At every social gathering I was dragged to, I had to say my lines. But even if it may sound odd, I really want to become a doctor. I think my father would like me to become a lawyer too. But at least they aren’t pressuring me about my dream job.”

Dad regarded Cas for a moment, well, they all kind of did. But it was Dad who was the first to speak. “And you said your lines beautifully. But we’d like you to tell us about yourself. Why did you choose wanting to be a doctor?”

Dean had to refrain from laughing outright. At least Cas would know where he got it from now.

Cas appeared stunned for a moment as he put his glass down. “You know, it’s funny, but no one’s ever asked me that before.”

“Winchesters are nosy,” Dean mumbled around a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

“And eat with their mouths open,” Mom said as she let out a disgusted chuckle.

Cas gave Dean an amused look before he turned to Dad with a thoughtful one. “I like helping people, but I’m also very interested in the scientific parts of the job. I don’t know why, but biology and chemistry are my favorite classes.”

Dad smiled. The kind of smile that was usually only reserved for the few people he liked or loved. Dean was pretty damn pleased that Cas had already won him over. “You seem like a smart kid. The hell’re you doin’ hanging around our kid? He’s not threatening you or anything, is he?”

“Shut up, Dad.” Dean smiled reassuringly at Cas before swiping one of Cas’s biscuits off of his plate.

“You thief,” Cas complained and stole one of Dean’s potato wedges before he turned to Dad again. “He already saved my life today, so he will be my hero forever.”

Dean swore he could feel his ears turn red with the way they were heating up. The impressed look on his Dad’s face wasn't helping things. “He's exaggerating. Just had Mom pretend to be, you know, an actual adult, to get him out of a shitty situation.”

Cas clapped his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean just that. I also meant earlier at the park. Thank you for having my back. It’s not something people usually do after knowing someone for just a few hours.”

Dean shrugged and Mom said, “Oh, baby. You've never met a Winchester. We don't put up with bullshit, no matter how long we've known someone.”

Dad chuckled and nodded. 

Sammy piped up, “Tell him what you did when you were six months pregnant with me!”

Mom waved Sam off. “That wasn't anything special.”

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes at her. He turned to Cas. “She was riding the bus home when a couple of neonazi shitheads started attacking a black kid, probably no older than twelve. No one on the bus was doing anything, so this crazy bitch started hitting them with her purse. It wasn't until one of them pulled a knife on her that other people intervened.”

Dad smacked him upside the back of the head. “If you’re telling an awesome story about your mom, do it with respect.”

Cas leaned over. “Seriously. Can I live here?”

Dean smiled. “Told ya’.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas seriously tried to not be envious of Dean’s parents, but it wasn’t easy. He followed Dean up into his room after dinner.

In the corner of the room was a twin bed, completely unmade, a hideous patterned comforter half on the floor, as though he simply rolled out of the bed before school. While there were still some boxes that clearly needed to be unpacked, there were several posters on the wall. The biggest one a felt and vibrant colored poster for something called Led Zeppelin. There were also random articles and a poster of a half naked man called Gunner Lawless, posing threateningly. Several articles of probably dirty clothing strewn about, a no parking sign propped haphazardly against the window, a large CD rack filled to the brim next to a beat up looking boombox. And a fourteen inch TV on a small dresser at the end of his bed. 

Cas pointed at the poster of the half naked man. “My brother has his room decorated with Pamela Anderson.”

Dean snorted. “Not into fake tits. It’s weird. Gunner’s are real.” He winked at Cas and dropped himself onto his bed, patting the space next to him. 

Cas sat down with a smile. “So you’re into sporty, muscled guys?”

“I don’t know if I have a type or anything. But, yeah, if Gunner wanted to punish me, I’d friggin’ let him.”

Cas licked over his lips with a raised eyebrow. “Punish you?” he asked hesitantly.

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, he punishes the men he wrestles, and I was basically using innuendo to imply I would happily let him do whatever he wanted with me.”

Cas’s imagination ran wild with Dean’s words and he could feel himself getting flustered over the images their meaning provoked. “So, what is it about him you find attractive?” 

He leaned over Cas and pointed. “That.”

Cas looked at the poster trying to see what Dean was pointing to, but it was too vague. “What?”

Dean grinned and moved to lean almost on top of Cas. Carefully, he lifted a hand and touched Cas’s lips. “His smile.”

Cas’s lips tingled under the contact and his breathing hitched as he got lost in Dean’s beautiful green eyes. He smiled softly at him before he kissed Dean’s finger, trying to sound cool, but probably failing miserably, “So, lips are your weakness?”

Dean nodded, licking over his own lips as he stared down at Cas, breath coming out a little quicker than it was before. 

Cas couldn’t help himself. The way Dean looked, how he had licked over his lips. It felt like an invitation, so he leaned over and drew Dean into a soft kiss. A lingering one, and this time he tried to savor every millisecond of it, trying to imprint it to his memory.

Dean drew back, brow furrowed in curiosity. “Did I create a monster?” 

_Shit._ Maybe he had totally misread the situation. “Um, sorry, Dean. That was… I should have asked.” _Way to make things awkward._ He shrugged and gave him a sheepish look. “I guess you did.”

That was met with a chuckle and an amused shake of the head. “Don’t worry about it. Kissing’s fun. Nothin’ wrong with wanting to do it more.”

Cas looked down at his lap. “But I still should have asked. I don’t even know if you wanted it.”

Dean gently grasped his chin and tilted Cas’s head up. “You’re not in trouble, Cas. While yes, it’s a good idea to ask before you just up and kiss people, I’m not mad or anything. Do… Are you curious? Like… Is this ‘cause you want to learn how to kiss?”

No, it was because he wanted to kiss Dean. But why bother with stupid, awkward facts if Dean was giving him such a great way out? He nodded hesitantly. “Yes.” 

Dean licked over his lips again and after a beat of silence, he slowly nodded. “Alright.” He moved to sit up on his knees. “Come on.”

Cas shot him a questioning look. Dean couldn’t mean what Cas thought he meant, right? “What?” he asked carefully but moved closer automatically, kneeling on the bed with one leg.

“You wanted to learn how to kiss, right?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, but–” _Shut up, Cas!_ His own mind could really be an asshole sometimes. “I mean, um, are you sure?”

Dean shrugged. “It’s just kissing. It’s not like you’re in love with me or something.”

Maybe not yet, but he sure as well was on an expressway to that destination. Cas swallowed before he nodded. “Okay, um… wh–what do you want me to do?”

That was met with a kind smile. “Well, first… You have _got_ to stop thinking so much. Close your eyes.”

Cas’s heart was hammering so much he was afraid it would just burst out of his chest. He bit on his lower lip and closed his eyes, feeling slightly dizzy from the way he was suddenly breathless.

“Now imagine you’re somewhere quiet. Somewhere peaceful. Beach, cabin, your tree house. Wherever.”

Tree house it was, although Dean’s bed was a nice place too. He nodded and his breathing hitched when he felt the mattress dip and Dean’s warmth coming closer.

“Okay. Now imagine whoever you want to kiss. It can be anyone.”

Cas opened one eye to look at Dean. “Can it be you? I don’t like to pretend.”

Dean gave him a small smile and said, “Sure. Now close your eyes again.”

Cas closed his eyes, a soft smile playing around his lips now. He wasn’t as nervous anymore. Suddenly, a surprisingly warm hand cupped his cheek. Cas could feel Dean’s soft exhaled breath against his lips. “Just, uh… follow my lead.”

There was a tense electricity in the air that caused Cas’s breath to hitch in excited anticipation. Even though his eyes were closed, he already had the features of Dean’s face memorized enough to imagine what he looked like as he drew closer. Perfect heart shaped lips that most girls would be envious of, slightly parted as the distance between them became shorter and shorter.

He had read about french kissing, seen it depicted in films, but knowing in less than a second he would be having his first _real_ kiss… Cas was surprised he wasn’t shaking from his nervous excitement.

The hypnotic trance that was brought on by his nervous energy was instantly broken by the sound of a sharp rapping on Dean’s door.

“Dean! Can I grab your Green Day CD?”

He opened his eyes to see Dean practically spring from his bed, smoothing out his shirt and taking a deep breath before grabbing something off of his CD rack and yanking his door open. “Here. Now leave us alone,” Dean barked before he slammed the door in his brother’s face before Sam could say anything.

Dean turned around and leaned against his bedroom door, clearly chewing the inside of his bottom lip, looking a little sheepish. “Sorry. That was a little close.”

Cas’s heart was hammering in his chest, partially from the excitement, but in huge part because Sam’s knocking had startled him. He felt guilty, like they had done something forbidden. 

He didn’t know Sam that well. What if he had seen them? What if he told someone? Cas didn’t want Dean, or himself, to get in trouble. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck before he looked up at Dean. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.”

Dean nodded and sighed. “Yeah. Maybe you’re right. How about that movie?”

Cas couldn’t help but feel disappointed, though he tried not to show it. “Yeah, sure. So, what are we watching?”

At that, Dean appeared to perk right back up. He went over to his desk and grabbed a VHS tape missing its box. “Is it safe to assume you’ve never seen _Pretty Woman?”_

“If the movie doesn’t have anything exploding, it’s safe to assume I haven’t seen it.” Cas smiled, bracing his hand behind him on the bed to watch Dean move around his room.

Dean chuckled and pushed the tape into the VCR before settling back on his bed, crawling over Cas to be on the right side. He dug the remote control out from under his pillow case and turned it on. “You ready to be educated?”

“Do I need to take notes, and will there be a quiz at the end?” Cas quipped as he leaned his shoulder against Dean, content to stay like that since Dean didn’t seem to mind. It was nice.

“Since it’s your first class, I’ll cut you some slack. But if you don’t even remember the basic plot, I’ll make you watch it again.”

“So, when I fall asleep, I’m screwed?” 

Dean craned his neck to give him a stern look. “If you fall asleep during _Pretty Woman,_ I may have to put you on friendship suspension and make you write an essay on why Vivian is one of the strongest female characters in film, and a bonus essay on why the soundtrack is one of the greatest.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “I hope you at least cheer for me for doing this.”

“You know, I _could_ try out for the cheerleading squad. Solidify my position as the weird kid.” Dean winked and let out a contented sigh, as he nestled against his pillow before leaning his head against Cas’s.

Cas chuckled. “You could make it worse by dating me. Just to kick the stupid stereotype in the nuts. Paula would go crazy.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Right? Especially after your little, ‘just because you’re a cheerleader and I’m a team captain,’ spiel and then poof! You date the new cheerleader. Honestly, if I didn’t think it would get both of us beaten to within an inch of our lives, I’d actually be down to fuck with people like that.”

Cas turned his head to flash him a grin. “Me too. Well, I’m not afraid of the ‘getting beaten’ up part, but if my mother suspected anything like that, I would probably never see the light of day again.”

“It _is_ damn tempting. Just imagine the look on Paula’s face when you gave me a kiss at the end of a game? Or better yet, your letterman to wear. That _alone_ would almost be worth being hospitalized.”

“Hey, if you were my boyfriend, I would protect you.” Cas grinned widely when he imagined kissing Dean at the end of a game. “I think Paula would explode into a million pieces if I kissed you. And I seriously should lend you my jacket. It’s getting colder now, you know. Don’t want my friend to freeze to death.”

Dean chuckled. “I promise, I _do_ own a jacket. You don't have to give me the literal shirt off your back.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I know, Dean. But it would be like the perfect cheap excuse to make Paula explode.”

“Too bad that’s basically a death sentence,” he said with a sigh.

As he relaxed against the headboard, Cas couldn’t help but enjoy the way Dean leaned against him. "Yeah, man, it sucks. Why do we have to pretend to be something we just aren't? Seriously, I can't wait to be done with school."

“Me, too. People really suck sometimes. And not in the fun way.” Dean chuckled as he started lazily drawing patterns on Cas’s forearm. 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the way Dean's fingertips left goosebumps in the wake of their trail. After a moment he murmured, "I'm glad you're at my school now. It makes it all suck a lot less."

Dean chuckled. “You’re only saying that ‘cause you want to steal my parents.”

“Damn, you saw through my evil master plan. I guess I have to tickle you to death now.” Cas chuckled before he tickled Dean’s side.

Dean recoiled so fast, Cas was surprised he didn’t give himself whiplash. “No, please stop,” he groaned out as he almost climbed the wall to get away from Cas’s reach.

Cas stared at him in surprise. “Wow, that was surprisingly effective. Have I just found your kryptonite?”

“Dude, fine, yes. I hate being tickled.” Dean held his hand up to keep Cas at bay. “Be nice, or I really will make you eat one of my socks.”

“Oh, yeah?” Cas challenged with a grin, waving him closer with his fingers. “Come here and try.”

Dean narrowed his eyes before diving right for him, causing both of them to fall off of Dean’s bed. Thankfully, because the floor was littered with dirty clothes and half a comforter, it was a cushioned fall. Dean straddled Cas’s hips and pinned his wrists above his head with one hand, brow arched in challenge as he looked down. “Not such a tough guy now, are ya’?”

Cas smirked up at him. “Who says I don’t have you right where I want you?” 

“And where’s that?” Dean asked as he leaned closer to Cas, lips tilted in a half smirk.

Cas used Dean’s distraction to push himself off of the ground, hooking his leg around Dean’s to flip them around, using his full weight to pin Dean down against the floor. Unfortunately, his dick was starting to react to that position, but he tried to ignore it as he slid over Dean. He licked over his own lips, getting lost in Dean’s eyes again before he breathed out, “Right under me.”

Dean’s brow was arched in surprise as he looked up at Cas, expression then morphing into something akin to impressed. He let out a breathy chuckle and shook his head. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Cas shrugged before he smiled softly at him, not wanting to give up his position just yet. “I have a confession to make.”

“Shoot,” Dean said, not even attempting to struggle out of Cas’s hold on him.

“I’m ticklish as hell. Seriously, if someone even looks at me funny–” Cas shook himself before he continued, “I’m telling you this because I trust you with this secret, and because... you know with great power, comes great responsibility. I suggest we make a deal of not ever using this weakness against each other.”

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip before he nodded. “Deal. You don’t tickle me, I won’t tickle you.”

Cas leaned forward, his lips grazing Dean’s ear when he whispered, “If you break that deal, I’ll tickle punish you so hard, you’ll wish it was Gunner Lawless.”

“Wait, so you _want_ me to tickle you? Is that what I'm hearing?” he teased.

Cas chuckled as he looked at Dean, sliding his hands slowly down his arms to his wrists. “Oh, I see, so threatening you with punishment is actually a motivation for you.”

“Only if it's Gunner Lawless type punishment,” he quipped with an eyebrow waggle.

Cas bit his lower lip to stop himself from grinning. “And what does that entail exactly?”

“Wouldn’t _you_ like to know?”

“Let me rephrase it. If you want me to let you go, I need you to give me something in exchange. You know, quid pro quo.”

Dean arched his eyebrow. “What do you want?”

“An answer to my question. If you dare,” Cas quipped back.

“I don’t think you’re ready for that,” he returned with a smirk.

“Or you’re just looking for an escape, because you can’t answer the question.”

Dean tongued his canine and nodded. “Alright. Well, if Gunner was gonna punish me, I can only hope it would be with his dick. Does that answer your question?”

Cas smirked and left a kiss on the tip of Dean’s nose before he let him go. Not so much because he had promised, but because he didn’t want to poke Dean with his semi. “Yes, it does. Very educational start to the evening, Dean.”

Dean chuckled and moved to sit up. He looked up and caught that the movie was still playing. “Damnit. You tricked me didn't you?”

Cas looked up at the TV, and the totally forgotten movie he was supposed to be watching. “Oops. Am I in trouble now, Mr. Teacher?”

“Nah. We just have to rewind it. Because we have a deal, unless you _don't_ want me to root for you at your first game?”

"I want you to." Cas smiled, more because of his dirty fantasy, picturing Dean in a cheerleading uniform. Damn, he was lucky no one could read his mind.

Dean grinned. “Then get your ass in my bed and let’s watch one of the better chick-flicks out there.”

Cas climbed back into Dean’s bed, leaning his back against the headrest before he invitingly reached his arm out for Dean.

Without hesitation, Dean crawled back into the bed, and into Cas’s offered embrace. He grabbed the remote and started rewinding the movie as he basically curled into Cas’s side. “So, are you going to be a good friend and lie about how much you love this movie?”

Cas slid his fingertips over Dean's arm, before rubbing his thumb softly over his skin. "Of course. I'm already super excited to watch this. I mean, it's called _Pretty Woman._ So I bet there is at least _one_ pretty woman, right?"

“Julia Roberts, so yeah. But also, Gere is pretty, too, so…” Dean hit play on the remote and turned to look at Cas. He held his gaze intensely for a moment, eyes raking over Cas’s face before he leaned in and rested his head on Cas’s chest.

Cas tried to remember to breathe. He hoped Dean wouldn’t notice how fast his heart was beating, although Dean’s face pressed against his chest meant that was practically impossible. He carded his fingers through Dean’s hair and tried to concentrate on the movie.

If he shared his mother’s belief in Heaven, this would be how he imagined it. He had never felt like this before in his life, but he knew exactly what this was. He just didn’t know what to do with the information.

It wasn’t like he could actually _be_ with Dean. Even if Dean wanted that, he wasn’t brave enough to face his parents, giving them the proof they needed in their belief that something was wrong with Cas.

He knew he wasn’t weird, only the world seemed to believe otherwise. Well, the world could go fuck itself, but the problem was he still needed a roof over his head until he was done with school.

At least, in Dean, he now had someone he could be himself with. And that was an incredible feeling. He smiled and nudged his nose against Dean’s hair before he said, “You’re right, the guy is pretty foxy.”  
  


He could feel the reverberations of Dean’s chuckle against his chest. “Told ya’. I honestly don’t know who I’d want to have sex with more.”

“How about both? Who says you need to choose?” Cas grinned, pulling Dean a bit tighter.

“Look at you. Never even been kissed and talkin’ about threesomes.”

“Just because I never had any interest in having sex, or making out with someone at school, doesn’t mean I know nothing about sex, or that I don’t want to have sex at some point in my life,” Cas returned before he put his hand under Dean’s chin so he would look up at him. “And you could still be the one to kiss me.”

“If you wanna get technical, I already did.”

“You just said I have never been kissed. Make up your mind, Dean,” Cas teased, rubbing his thumb over Dean’s cheek.

Dean chuckled. “I meant a _real_ kiss.”

“Oh, so what we did before, that was a fake kiss? Oh, yeah, I get it. I kissed a fake Dean with fake lips.” Cas rubbed his chin before he stuck out his tongue.

“Exactly. It was all in your imagination, because if it was a real kiss…” Dean stopped mid sentence and shook his head. “Never mind.” He brushed it off with a soft laugh.

“Oh, no, don’t you dare. You can’t just start a sentence like that and leave me hanging.” 

Dean shrugged. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Cas gave him a playfully sad and disappointed look. “Guess I need to eat my pie all alone tomorrow after school. How sad.”

“Pie?” Dean asked, his eyes lighting up. If he were a dog, his ears probably would have perked up, too.

“Fresh baked pecan pie. Our cook bakes pie very often, I mentioned that, right? So after school, I often grab some from the kitchen and flee to my secret hideout, to read comics and eat pie.”

Dean’s brows were perpetually elevated with the level of his awe. He licked the seam of his lips and clasped Cas’s shoulder, holding his other hand out at him. “Dude, if it were legal, and your parents weren’t homophobic, I’d marry you. Pie whenever you want? Lucky bastard.”

“Okay, so my soon-to-be-secret-husband, if you want your share of pie, there can’t be any secrets between us.” Cas gave Dean a stern look. “So what didn’t you want to say?”

Dean rolled his eyes, but his smile told another story. “I was just gonna say something stupid. That… if it had been a real kiss, we’d still be kissing.”

Cas chuckled. “Don’t you think you’re giving my kissing skills way too much credit?”

“I wasn’t talking about _your_ skills.”

“Well, last time I checked, kissing usually involves two people. So if I totally suck at kissing, you probably would get fed up after a few seconds.”

Dean shook his head. “Don’t be dumb. I’d teach you.”

“Would you?” Cas asked after a moment, now completely serious. He wondered if Dean would now give it another try after they were so rudely interrupted.

“Thought you said it was a bad idea?”

“Yeah, here in your room, where someone could barge in at any second. I didn’t mean in general.” He couldn’t stop looking at Dean as his heartbeat was making backflips. The romantic music from the movie playing in the background wasn’t helping the situation.

Dean licked over his lips and visibly swallowed. “You really want me to?”

Cas swore he stopped breathing. He just looked at Dean and nodded, a soft, “Yes,” barely escaping his lips.

“O–okay. I mean, what are friends for, right?” Dean let out an almost nervous sounding chuckle. 

“Um, Dean. Are you sure that’s okay with you? I mean, I’m aware it’s not really… normal but… um, I don’t know anyone who is like you…” Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean waved his hand dismissively. “I’m always down to makeout with someone, especially someone who’s got crazy blue eyes, but… are _you_ sure? I mean, for a lot of people the first real kiss is important. Do you really want to waste it on a guy you met twelve hours ago?”

Cas tilted his head and quirked his brow. “Dean, I'm a seventeen year old guy and I’ve never made out with anyone. Believe me when I say I want to do this. And I know we only met like twelve hours ago, but…” Cas looked away for a moment before he nervously licked over his lips. “I like you, Dean. And I would rather have my first kiss with someone I like.”

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment. After a beat, he nodded and said softly, “Okay. If you're sure.”

“Yes, I'm very sure.” Cas cupped Dean's cheek. “Be honest with me. Are you having reservations?”

“Can I be real?” He gave Dean a nod to continue. “It's not that I don't think you're hot or anything, it's just…” Dean looked away for a moment as he continued, “I like you, too. You're the first friend I've made here. I think we could be friends for a long time. I don't want to fuck it up.”

Cas knew he wanted to keep Dean in his life in whatever capacity he could have him. “So you think… if you show me how to kiss, it would make things complicated?” He looked away for a moment. “I want to keep you as a friend, too. So if you’re worried this could affect our friendship, I’m okay if we don’t… um, kiss.”

There was a beat of uncomfortable, albeit brief, silence, before Dean said, “How about a compromise?”

“I’m all ears.”

Dean turned to sit up slightly. “We make kissing a normal thing. Let's take out the bullshit romantic side of it, so that way, if we want to kiss each other, it's no different from us hugging, or high fiving?”

Cas raised his eyebrow in surprise. "I'm not sure if the types of movies I like tipped you off, but I'm not that big on romance anyway. So, I would be totally cool with that."

Because if that means he could be friends with Dean and occasionally get kisses out of it, damn, he was so on board with that idea.

That was met with a smile. “Okay. Then kissing lessons are on. Just not anywhere we could get caught.”

“I second that. My treehouse would be perfect.” He hoped his mind would stop chanting ‘Dean is going to kiss me’ soon, so he could stop grinning like an idiot.

“Well, I _did_ say it was a great makeout pad.”

“You did.” Cas held his arms open again. “Come back here. I still got a movie to watch.” 

Dean chuckled and curled himself against Cas without hesitation. “Yeah, we need to stop getting distracted. My favorite scene is coming up.”

Cas tightened his arms around Dean and rested his chin against his head. Damn, this was perfection. He would watch every chick flick movie in the universe if it meant he could hold Dean like this. 

He chuckled, and since the scene wasn’t very funny, Dean looked up at him with a questioning expression. Cas shook his head and grinned. “I just thought that I really like watching movies with you.”

The way Dean smiled was almost breathtaking. “Me, too.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It had only been a week since they moved to Chicago, they’d arrived the Wednesday before school started. And considering Dean had arrived with a determination to hate Chicago, he wasn’t doing a very good job of sticking to that plan. Dean blamed Cas. He had a feeling he was going to be blaming Cas for a lot of things in the future. 

The hard part being the damnable crush he had on the guy. And of course the adorable jock wasn’t helping with all his ‘will you teach me?’ crap. Dean should have known better than to say yes. But they’d agreed to not make anything between them mean anything less than platonic. Dean chose to believe it would work out.

During the break between third and fourth period, Dean got lost, ending up behind a couple of the trailer classrooms behind the tennis courts. He couldn’t see the gym Cas had showed him to the day before. Maybe if he spent the next hour frantically walking around campus, it counted as enough exercise to qualify for P.E. 

When he ended up behind the back of the farthest trailer, he was stopped by the image of a girl, close to his age, maybe even a senior, leaning against the building, smoking a cigarette. She was hot, in that grungy, listened to too much Nirvana type of way. Her smokey eye makeup was smeared, like it was from a day or two prior. She wasn’t wearing any other makeup, dark red striped hair pulled back in a slouchy knitted hat, and outfit just a simple pair of jeans, boots, a thick knitted sweater, and a leather jacket.

This girl was something straight out of a live concert Pearl Jam video. When she noticed him, she took a deep drag of her cigarette and quirked her brow. 

Dean nodded to her as he approached. “Hey.”

She smiled at him, seemingly impressed, before pulling out a crinkled soft pack of Lucky Strikes, offering it to him. 

Dean waved her off. “No thanks.”

Slipping the pack back into her pocket, she shrugged and bent her knee as she braced her foot on the building. “You gonna rat on me?”

“Not a rat. My name’s Dean, actually.”

That was met with a snort of derision as she nodded. “Very nice, Dean.”

Dean moved to lean on the building next to her. “What’s your name?”

She held her hand up to halt him, even though he wasn’t moving any closer. “Let me stop you. You look a little too… Fred Savage. Break’s almost over, you should probably get to class.”

Dean chuckled. “That make you Winnie in this scenario? Which, by the way, is what I’m gonna have to call ya’ if you don’t tell me your real name.”

There was a beat of silence as her gaze raked over Dean’s form from head to toe and back. She dropped the butt to the ground and stomped it out. “Rhonda.” Moving to stand straight, she quirked her brow at him and smiled. “I was gonna hit the pizza joint two blocks down and get a soda. Wanna come?”

“Right now?”

Rhonda nodded. “Yeah. Now.”

While Dean wasn’t new to ditching class, he’d never ditched the first week. But hell, considering he got as lost as he did, he could probably get away with that excuse at least once. Dean straightened his posture and said, “Alright.”

Rhonda’s lips turned up in a half tilt smile, seemingly impressed. “So, Savage. What’s your deal?”

Dean shrugged as he followed her, while still walking beside her. “No deal. New to the area so I’m still, uh… finding my deal.”

“Ah, so you haven’t heard the rumors. That’s refreshing.”

“Rumors?” he asked, craning his neck slightly to look at her.

Rhonda smirked. “Yeah. You know. ‘Cause what’s high school without the rebel girl trying to corrupt all the boys?”

Dean scoffed. “No way people _actually_ talk like that.”

That caused her to laugh, her eyelashes disappearing in the smokey black of her eyeshadow when her eyes crinkled from mirth. “Maybe not that dramatic.”

Unable to contain the smile, he regarded her for a moment. He really liked Rhonda. At this rate, Dean was going to meet someone cool every day. “Well, I was the weirdo at my last school. Apparently, if you aren’t fazed by insults, you’re weird.”

Rhonda chuckled. “Yeah, that does make you pretty weird.”

“See?” Dean opened his arms in invitation. “Not even a little fazed.”

“Clearly I’m not trying hard enough.” Rhonda pulled out another cigarette, and lit it without missing a step as they stepped off of campus towards a small intersection. After taking a long drag, she exhaled and said, “Did you do this at your last school? Ditch class with girls you don’t know?”

Dean let out an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, yeah. It’s why I’m here actually. Girls, boys, janitors. I ran out of new people. Had to up and move to a new state. My folks figured somewhere as big as Chicago, I’ll at least graduate before I run out this time.”

Rhonda narrowed her eyes at him and took a judgemental looking drag from her cigarette. “You really are weird.” After a beat she shrugged. “We should make out.”

If Dean had been drinking something, he would have choked, or done a real life spit take. Dean rubbed the back of his neck. People in Chicago moved damn fast if his experiences in the last two days were any indication. He was starting to really like it here. Dean eyeballed the cigarette before he held her gaze. “After you eat a mint.”

That was met with a scrutinizing beat of silence before Rhonda nodded. “You’re kind of a bitch. I like that,” she said with a grin. She flicked the cigarette into the street and grabbed him by his shirt. Pointedly grabbing a piece of gum out of her pocket, she stuffed it in her mouth, chewed it for half a second, and spat it on the ground. Rhonda yanked Dean forward and into a little sloppy kiss, their teeth clacking slightly before she turned her head and plunged forward. The sharp taste of poorly masked nicotine filled Dean’s senses when her tongue met his, but damn, once she got into the rhythm, Rhonda was a damn good kisser. 

Dean drew back and let out a slightly amazed chuckle. “You always kiss guys you barely know?”

Rhonda waggled her eyebrows at him. “How do you think those rumors got started?”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

His mother wasn’t amused about his pink shirt, and she also wasn’t amused about Paula calling them last night, but at least, thanks to Mrs. Winchester’s intervention, it didn’t have any bad consequences for him. 

Cas had no idea how his mother had replaced his shirt the next morning, but when she handed it over, he was bombarded with another line of questioning about why he didn’t have a girlfriend at his age.

He tried to answer by saying that he had better things to do than waste his time on relationship drama, that he wanted to concentrate on school, but his mother wasn’t convinced. Cas needed to be careful, he needed to do something to quell her suspicions before he ended up somewhere he didn’t want to end up... like a new school.

When he changed into his new jersey, Stephen patted his shoulder. “Hey, man. I see there was no real commitment to pink?”

Cas grinned and shrugged. “You know I tried, but it wasn’t really doing anything for me.” 

Stephen chuckled and changed into his own jersey while Cas pulled on his shoes. “So, the new guy… Winchester?” 

Cas looked up at him in confusion. “What about him?”

Stephen grinned. “He’s already playing tonsil hockey with Rhonda Hurley.”

Thanks to years of growing up in a household where suppressing his feelings was a matter of survival, he was able to not visibly react to the news. He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces, and he was angry with himself for even having this reaction. 

Dean and him had agreed on being friends. No romance, no feelings. But of course Dean had no idea that Cas had fallen head over heels for him. Not that it mattered when Dean couldn’t wait to kiss the first girl he could find. It was obviously a one-sided attraction between Cas and Dean.

Which should have been okay. Even if Dean was interested in Cas, they couldn’t be in a relationship. That was just the world they lived in. So he gave Stephen a fake smile as he answered, “Good for him, I guess?”

Stephen shook himself and gave Cas an odd look. “Seriously? I said Rhonda. A hooker probably has less STDs.”

Cas wasn’t a fan of trash talk, but in his moment of weakness, where he felt jealous of Rhonda, he couldn’t help but enjoy Stephen’s insulting claim. 

“How do you even know that they’re making out?” There was still a spark of hope that it maybe was just a rumor.

“My sister saw them. I think our new boy is ditching school with her.”

And there went his hope. Well, fuck it. He was happy they had practice now and he could funnel all of his aggression into the game. 

Two hours flew by in aggression and sweat. Cas was sitting on the bench, trying to catch his breath, when Lenore approached with a friendly smile. She was one of the very few cheerleader girls he actually genuinely liked. Not only because she was best friends with his laboratory partner Willow, a geeky girl who she had been friends with since kindergarten. 

“Hey, Castiel, do you have a minute?” she asked, sounding shy, her hands behind her back as she rocked back and forth on her feet.

“Sure.” He tried to give her a reassuring smile, not sure why she was always so shy around him. But then, she was shy around everyone. Even her best friend.

“So, Paula isn’t at school today, and she texted Risa that her mom is probably taking her off the team. And she’s blaming you for it...”

Cas raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Wow. She is really crazy obsessed with me.”

Lenore giggled and looked away for a moment. “Whatever it’s worth. and whoever we have to thank for this, we had a very quiet and relaxing practice today.”

Cas smiled and nodded. “I’m glad something good came out of this drama then.” He patted the bench next to him for Lenore to sit, and she followed the invitation with another shy smile. “If Paula is such a bitch, why don’t you girls just vote for a new Captain?”

Lenore looked uncomfortable for a moment before she shrugged. “I don’t expect you to understand, but there’s this weird power play, it’s how she kept her title. It’s more like everyone fears going against her because it could be social suicide.”

“Believe me, I get that. She was hell bent on getting me to apologize in front of all of you just because I told her I wasn’t interested in her,” Cas told her, bracing his hand behind him on the bench as he leaned back.

Lenore looked even more uncomfortable. “Yes, about that. There was a reason why she was so fixated on you. Two girls from our team challenged her to get you to go out with her because she said she could have anyone she wanted. You made her look weak in front of all of us.”

Cas gave Lenore a thoughtful look. “So, she basically lost her intimidating power over you guys because of me?”

Lenore nodded and Cas chewed his lower lip in contemplation. He had an idea. An idea that was mostly born out of jealousy about Dean and Rhonda, but would be the perfect opportunity to get his mother off of his back. “What if I dated someone else on your team? Would Paula lose her status, and could you vote for someone new then?”

Lenore gave him a surprised look. “Um, yes. So, is there someone you would want to date?”

Cas grinned at her. “Let me rephrase that. Would you like to take over the team, Lenore?”

Lenore tilted her head thoughtfully. “What do you get out of the deal?”

Cas decided to be at least partially honest about this. “Thanks to Paula, my mother is bothering me about not having a girlfriend. She can’t really accept that I’m just...” He looked up at Lenore with a soft smile, hoping to find a kindred spirit in her when he continued, “not ready for something like that.” 

As predicted, Lenore gave him a sympathetic smile, practically melting in front of him. He gave her another smile before he added, “So you see, my wishes aren’t exactly selfless, but I guess since we both would gain from this, maybe you are interested in being my fake girlfriend?”

Lenore gave him a quick smile, looking sad for a moment, but it was gone in the blink of an eye. For a second he was afraid she would say no to him, but then she nodded and returned the smile. “You’ve got yourself a deal. I’m in. I will be the best fake girlfriend ever.”

Cas grinned and pulled her into a tight hug. “Thanks, Lenore. You’re helping me a lot with this. You’re seriously a cool girl.”

She tightened her grip on him for a second before she let go. “Guess I have to make an announcement to my team.”

Cas chuckled when he heard the glee in her voice. “Have fun.”

She kissed his cheek before she bounced off, and Cas only felt slightly guilty that he couldn’t wait to rub this in Dean’s face.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean and Rhonda had ended up making out in the alley behind the pizza joint for twenty minutes. She offered to give him a handjob. He was a little freaked out about getting caught, but damn… The thought was really exciting. Maybe next time. And a thrill had coursed through him at the thought of there being a next time. 

Making out with Rhonda made him stop thinking about Cas, and that was a welcome distraction. And he kind of really liked her edgy energy. She was funny, and blunt, and weirdly comfortable with herself. Dean admired that. 

By the time they got back to campus, the lunch bell had just rang. Rhonda yanked Dean into a pretty filthy kiss in the hallway that led to his next class, grazing her hand along his crotch before she shoved him away and winked. Yeah. Dean really liked Rhonda. After adjusting himself, he slipped into his classroom just before the second bell rang.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a sort of haze. Dean didn’t really recall anything from his last three classes. Hell, he barely remembered meeting Sammy to walk him home. His brother even went on some excited tirade about some kid he met that was funny, or tricky, or something. Dean shrugged it off. If it was that important, Sam would probably be pulling a repeat of the performance for Mom and Dad.

Without even hesitating, Dean grabbed the cordless and ran up to his room, dropping his backpack to the floor before doing the same with himself on his bed. Dean stared up at the ceiling and just waited. Cas was going to call him when he got home from practice, and he was really looking forward to talking to him. They only got to wave to each other between fifth and sixth period.

Dean turned his stereo on, feeling the need to go a little more old school with one of his favorite Zeppelin albums. About halfway through Heartbreaker, the phone rang and he answered it before the ringing even finished. “Hello?”

"Hello, Dean. It's me, Cas."

It was weird how smiley that made him. “Hey, man. How’re you doing?”

“I’m good.” Cas cleared his throat before he asked, “Do you want to come over?”

“Hell, yeah. I’ll just head over on foot, seeing as you live like two blocks.”

“If you’re afraid you’re going to get lost, I could get you.” Cas chuckled.

“Or maybe you should, you know, in case a sudden blizzard hits.” Man, why was it so easy with Cas?

“Or you get kidnapped by a dragon,” Cas suggested. “Alright, stay where you are. I’ll come and get you.”

“Man! We moved here to get _away_ from dragons!”

“Fear not, my damsel in need. I’ll come and get you on my horse and save you from that vile creature.” Cas chuckled before he added, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” 

“Be sure, fair knight, to not encounter the evil sirens known as cheerleaders.” Why was he having so much trouble hanging up with Cas?

“Don’t worry, fair maiden, I have my sharp wit to defend myself, and quick feet should I get into real trouble.”

“Alright, enough. Get your ass over here.”

Cas laughed at that. "See you in a few." 

Dean smiled as he jumped up and turned off the stereo. Grabbing his coat, he practically flew down the stairs, wanting to just wait out front. He almost collided with his Mom when he reached the entryway. “Shit, sorry, Mom.”

“Where’s the fire?” 

“Cas is picking me up,” he said, unable to stop the grin on his face. 

Mom gave him a smug, wide grin. “Oh, I see. Cas. That explains why you almost ran me over.”

Dean quirked his brow and gave her a curious smile. “Shut up.”

Mom held her hand over her heart. “Ah, young love. It still makes you blind enough to not even see where you’re going.”

That made his heart stop. Dean froze for a moment before turning to her with a bemused expression. “I don’t love him. He’s just a friend.”

"Of course he’s just a friend." Mom laughed as she started to unpack the groceries in the kitchen. "I remember how excited you were to see Ash everyday. All smiley and rushing somewhere without looking." Her voice dripped with sweet irony. 

Dean stepped into the kitchen more fully. “Mom?” he asked, hoping the way he breathed it out was asking all of the other questions he couldn’t say. Questions like: _Do you know? Are you saying it’s okay that I’m not… I’m not like other guys?_

“Yes, Dean?” She smiled softly, still concentrating on the groceries.

“Are… Do you know?” Well, at least he was getting closer.

She looked up at him with two matching raised eyebrows. “Do I know what, honey?”

_Come on, don’t make me say it._ Dean took a deep breath, but when he opened his mouth to tell her, he just... couldn’t. He shook his head and put on a fake smile. “Nevermind. Not sure if I’ll be back for dinner, but I’ll be home by curfew.”

“Alright. Just make sure you eat properly. And say hi to Cas. We’d love to have him over again.” Mom flashed him another smile and a wink before she started whistling a Beatles tune, pulling out an assortment of ingredients that was likely going to be dinner. By the looks of it, it was probably wise, not coming home for food. 

Dean smiled at her off-key whistling and left her to her “dinner”. Cas was pulling up just as he opened the front door. He pulled the door shut behind him, and went straight for the passenger’s side, sliding in with a breathy laugh. “Alright, Louise. Let’s go for it!”

“Shouldn’t you hold my hand if we’re going to sail off a cliff together?” Cas asked, shocking Dean by actually knowing a reference.

“Thought you didn’t watch any movies that didn’t have explosions?” Dean waggled his eyebrows as he pulled the seatbelt over his chest. 

Cas held his hands up in defense. "Harvey Keitel and Brad Pitt are in it. And I was tricked!”

Dean chuckled. “I see. I’m not the only boy you have an exchange program arrangement with. Damn, Cas. Way to play me.” He winked.

Cas clicked his tongue and shook his head. “I wish that was the case. Sadly, it was my brother, whose life goal is to make my life miserable.” 

“You sure that’s all it is?” he asked as he changed the station to something that wasn’t a weird talking station. How old was Cas mentally? Forty two?

Cas scratched his ear for a second before he started the car. "Well, maybe I will watch more romantic movies in the future. I actually got some news."

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, unable to mask the curiosity in his tone. 

Cas cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes, um, I have a girlfriend."

_Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa._ What the hell? Dean shook his head and furrowed his brow. “But you don’t like anyone like that.” Suddenly there was a pit in his stomach. That was really weird. 

Cas nodded before he gave Dean a quick look. “Actually, I have you to thank for that. Before I met you, I never even tried doing anything physical with anyone. I think I should give it a try, you know? It’s not a big deal, right? Everyone does it.”

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out as he looked at the dash. The pit was still there. And he didn’t know what came over him, but he couldn’t stop himself from blurting, “Kind of why you didn’t see me at lunch.” _Weird._ Being so blunt about Rhonda made the pit almost go away.

Cas looked over at Dean for a moment with a raised eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you already found someone.”

Dean nodded, feeling a little less on edge. “Yeah. She’s basically Ally Sheedy from _The Breakfast Club._ It’s kind of awesome.”

Cas didn’t say anything for a moment, his expression unreadable. It was like an almost awkward silence before he parked in front of his house. “Rhonda Hurley?” he suddenly asked.

“Damn. She wasn’t lying about those rumors, I guess?”

Cas scrunched up his nose. “They aren’t _just_ rumors, Dean.”

Dean quirked his brow at Cas. “Really, dude? You’re gonna be _that_ guy?”

Cas sighed deeply before he unbuckled his seatbelt when they pulled up in front of his house. “Hey, you’re my friend and I’m just worried, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt. And just because you make out with her, doesn’t mean I have to like her.”

“How’d you know I made out with her?” Dean drew back a little, fixing his gaze expectantly on Cas. 

“Because it’s Rhonda Hurley. I’m guessing you guys didn’t have a philosophical discussion about Kant and his contributions to metaphysics.”

“Nah. We focused more on the ramifications of challenging society according to Nietzsche.” Dean took a deep breath and shook his head. “I thought you were better than that, Cas.” He really did feel disappointed in his friend. And he wasn’t sure why, but it relieved him. That was probably a good thing. The more flaws he saw, the less of a crush he’d have.

Cas’s lips were pressed into a thin line before he murmured, “Yeah, well, welcome to the club. I don’t like Rhonda because she offered my younger brother cigarettes and she skips school, thinking that’s an okay and cool thing to do. So, if you think that is admirable behavior, then sorry if I disappoint you because I was just trying to look out for you, and keep you out of trouble. Because in my book, that’s what friends do.”

Dean sighed and looked down. “You know, the thing is, you make some good points, but she didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Which, honestly, is probably what happens to everyone.”

“Just promise me, you’re not going to let her get you into trouble.” Dean had never heard Cas sound quite so serious.

“If I get into trouble, Cas, I brought it on myself. You get that, right?” 

“Dean. It’s just… boys sometimes do stupid things for people they like.”

Dean folded his arms over his chest and craned his neck to give Cas a sideways glance. “Yeah, and again. If I do something stupid, then it’s me doing it. Not Rhonda. She’s actually really cool, Cas.”

Cas shook his head. "I think you and I have a very different definition of cool. Next thing you’ll be telling me skipping classes is a cool thing to do."

The laugh that escaped was completely against Dean’s will. At Cas’s annoyed expression he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you. It’s just, you sounded just like the nerdy kid in those videos about peer pressure.”

Cas shrugged and gave him a cheeky grin. “I happen to be proud of being the nerdy kid, speaking out against peer pressure.”

Dean chuckled and felt even more relieved that the weird tension finally disappeared. “Look, it’s not like I’ve never ditched before. I’ve made it this far, it won’t cause any real problems if I don’t make it a habit.”

Cas gave him a playfully pained expression. “Is it weird that I don’t want you to get in trouble? I don’t know why, but I just want to...” Cas leaned over to draw Dean in for a hug before he continued in an exaggerated tone, “wrap you up in a blanket and hide you away from the world.”

“I’m sorry, I think you have me confused with your Teddy Ruxpin.” Dean chuckled and nipped at Cas’s earlobe before pulling back. 

“Come dream with me tonight,” Cas sang horribly off-key as he tried to suppress his laughter. 

Dean couldn’t stop himself from smiling. It was weird, but even though Cas probably couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, Dean still really liked his voice. “Come on. Feed me pie.”

"Alright. My parents aren't home for the next two days, so I can show you around if you want." Cas opened the door to his car and got out.

“Two days? You have a house to yourself for _two_ days?” Suddenly all of the amazing possible scenarios from every John Hughes movie ever started flashing through his mind. Dean grinned. 

“Um, yes,” Cas replied carefully. “I’m not throwing a party if that is your next question.”

Dean chuckled. “Ah, well. I guess we’re just gonna have to mattress bobsled down your stairs.”

“Have you met my younger brother, yet? I think you might like him.”

“Gotta admit, I’d kinda like to see what the spawn of Satan looks like.”

Cas put his arm around Dean’s shoulder and quirked his brow. “Pro tip. Don’t let his looks fool you.”

He bumped his hip into Cas’s and shoved him gently. “Pie.”

Cas chuckled. “Yes, yes. I’ll feed you. You’re pretty high maintenance for not being my girlfriend.” He chucked Dean’s chin. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow night at the practice game?” 

“Yeah. Mom is gonna pick Sammy up from school. So, I’m gonna be there to root for you, despite being called a high maintenance girlfriend.” 

“Perfect.” Cas smirked before he winked and opened the front door, leading Dean into a pretty impressive hallway. Everything in here screamed _rich people,_ but Cas’s home lacked the warmth other houses had. It just felt very… impersonal. “Come on, I’ll show you the kitchen.”

Dean smiled and couldn’t help but take in the archway. It looked like something straight out of some technicolor movie from the fifties about a southern debutante. When they reached the entryway to the kitchen, Dean froze at seeing his own brother sitting at an island counter in the middle of a pretty extravagant looking kitchen. It almost looked like a display. “The hell are you doing here?”

Sam looked up at him in surprise. “Dean and hey, Cas.” He turned to the other boy sitting there, that Dean had only seen fleetingly the day before, but knew was Cas’s younger brother Gabriel. “I didn’t know Cas is your brother.”

Gabriel shrugged, shoveling a big spoonful of pie in his mouth. “I don’t like to advertise it.” 

“Are you eating my pie, Gabriel?” Cas practically yelled.

The way the kid’s eyebrows waggled was pretty fucking hilarious. If Cas was a cartoon character, the top of his head would pop off from his steaming brain. 

“Sam said he’d never had homemade pie before. I was only being generous.”

“You were generous with _my_ pie? Pie I had plans for. Like sharing it with Dean!” 

Gabriel shrugged, clearly uncaring about the entire situation. “Your name wasn’t on it. Way I see it. It was anyone’s pie.”

“Oh, man, that is like the worst cheap excuse, after ‘my dog ate my homework’. You knew this was my pie.” Cas crossed his arms and squinted his eyes at his brother.

Dean clapped Cas’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure we can all share the pie.” He hated the idea of sharing pie, pretty much more than anything else. But he kind of hated the thought of Cas feeling mad about it more.

“You didn’t lick all over it, did you?” Cas asked as he pulled the rest of the pie away from Gabriel.

“No, but I _did_ have sex with it.”

Dean reached for it with a shrug. “Won’t stop me. It’s _pecan_ pie.”

“I suddenly feel sick.” Cas scrunched up his nose and hit Gabriel upside his head. “I’ll get you back for this. Just so you know.”

Dean smirked at him and ruffled Sam’s hair. “Be good.”

Sam shoved him off. “I’m always good!”

Cas took two plates from a cupboard and put the rest of the pie on it, ignoring Gabriel’s protestations as he turned to Dean. “Come on, I’ll show you my room.”

“Nice to meet you, Gabe,” Dean said casually as he followed Cas out of the kitchen. He chuckled and held his hand out expectantly. “I can hold one of the plates.”

“I know you can, Dean.” Cas smirked at him, but never handed him a plate as they went up a huge stairwell.

“Well, now I kinda hope you trip,” he sassed as he stayed in step with him.

“You really don’t like it when other people want to do something nice for you, huh?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow when he stopped in front of the last door on the upper hallway and opened it with his elbow. 

Cas’s room was big, but unlike Dean’s room it was very clean, you could probably eat off of the floor. One of the reasons Cas’s room looked so clean was probably because he didn’t have a lot of stuff; no posters, just an old oil painting of an angel rescuing someone from hell. He had a fuck ton of books, and a stuffed plush bee sitting on his huge bed, but what had Dean’s attention instantly was the TV and a white PS one console plugged into it.

“Dude. How rich _are_ you?”

“Well, my parents make a lot of money. I benefit from that, but… seriously I would exchange all the money in a heartbeat for parents like yours.” Cas set both plates on his desk and shook his head. “Sorry, um… forget it.”

He wasn’t expecting to be suddenly pulled into a hug. “Hey, you can borrow them anytime.” Dean drew back and smiled. “My Dad was pretty smitten with you.”

“Really?” Cas asked as he mirrored the smile.

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Kept talking about how nice you were, how polite, ‘Dean, why can’t you make more friends like him?’ Blah, blah, blah.”

Cas chuckled and their eyes locked for a moment before he murmured, “Damn, I could kiss you.”

“You’ve got a girlfriend, now,” he said with a smirk as he approached the desk and grabbed one of the plates.

Cas grabbed his own plate and sat down on the edge of his bed. “Yeah… I do.”

“Guess that means kissing lessons are off, huh?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck before he slowly said, “I don’t know. You said this between us wasn’t romantic, right? Just educational.”

Dean shrugged. “It won't be weird for you?”

“It’s not weird if we don’t make it weird.”

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug before taking a bite of the pie. His face changed, eyes practically rolling to the back of his head as he let out an indecent moan. “Holy shit, dude.”

Cas smiled brightly at Dean, his eyes looked even more strikingly blue with the light from the huge window, and the happiness he was radiating. “And now you know why I was so angry with Gabriel. I want to ask our cook to teach me actually. I like baking.”

“Seriously, you learn to bake like this? I’m kidnapping your ass and making you my personal cook.” Dean proceeded to make out with the piece of pie, letting out indecent noises as he did so. 

“And here I thought you would propose. I’m seriously disappointed,” Cas replied dryly as he took a small bite from his own pie.

Dean scoffed, a fleck of food flying out as he did, but that wasn’t about to slow him down as he said, “If I proposed, I’d go all out. Fly you to Paris and do it at the top of the Eiffel Tower or some shit.”

“I’m sure you’ll make someone very happy one day.” Cas sounded a bit wistful before he let himself fall back on his bed, plate on his stomach.

With the willpower of some sort of god, Dean managed to not lick his plate clean, before placing the plate on the desk and jumping onto the bed next to Cas, jostling him quite thoroughly. Dean smiled down at him and asked an innocent, “What?”

Cas turned to look at him, a soft, barely there smile on his lips. “Just a long, eventful day.”

“Right?” he asked as he crawled over Cas’s legs and sprawled out next to him on the bed. “You got a girlfriend. I got a… well, I don’t know what Rhonda qualifies as. And I bet Paula is gonna be pissed when she finds out about you and… Who’s your girlfriend?”

“Lenore.” Cas’s smile got wider. “She will probably be the new Captain of the Cheer Squad soon. They all pretty much hate Paula.” 

Again, he ignored the weird way that made him feel, and instead focused on calling Cas out. “So, you’re dating a cheerleader after all?”

“Yes.” Cas shrugged. “But Lenore is really nice. I’ve known her since kindergarten.”

“She cute?” Dean asked. He didn’t really want to know, but it felt like what he was supposed to ask. 

“Um...” Cas hesitated for a moment. “Yeah, I guess.”

Dean propped himself up slightly to look down at Cas. That was a weird response. If Cas asked him if Rhonda was cute, Dean wouldn’t have even hesitated to answer in the affirmative. Because, despite the whole grunge look, she was very attractive. Hell, maybe the whole grunge thing made her more attractive. “I’m no expert, man, but I’m pretty sure the answer to that should have been a confident yes.”

Cas looked away for a moment before he huffed out a frustrated, “I don’t know what to say, Dean. I like her. I always considered her as a friend.”

That took him aback. Cas seemed like a pretty even tempered guy, he didn’t think that would push any buttons. Dean drew back a little. “Sorry. Guess I won’t bring it up again.” That’s when it sort of clicked. He narrowed his eyes at Cas, he wasn’t completely sure, but he was sure enough to say, “Just make sure, if your Mom asks, you say yes.”

Cas looked away, biting his lip. “I’m sorry, Dean. Sometimes I’m just... so sick of being different. I don’t know if I’m gay or not. I never really felt attraction to either a girl or a boy. But I think I should at least get myself out there and try it, before I totally give up on romance.”

Dean sighed and nodded, moving to rest his head on Cas’s shoulder. “It's okay, Cas. And if it ends up that you never really feel like that, there is one plus side…”

“There is?” Cas asked, starting to card his fingers through Dean’s hair. Dean wasn’t sure if he was doing it consciously. 

“Yeah, we’ll still be friends,” he confessed. Dean didn't know much about love, or romance, or whatever else movies were trying to convey to the general public. But he did know that he hoped he and Cas would be friends for a long time. Forever even.

“Best friends? Like in the movies, where you totally get jealous and want to have a friend like that?” Cas murmured after a moment.

Dean smiled. “Yeah. Exactly like that.” It was amazing how relieved he felt that Cas was on the same page. He turned his head slightly and pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek.

Cas turned his face, so he could look at him, a barely there smile on his lips that looked more sad than happy. It only lasted a second before Cas kissed the tip of his nose. “You really like cuddling, huh?”

“Can’t prove that,” he quipped. When he looked into Cas’s eyes, he had to repress a small gasp. He found himself constantly surprised by how damn blue his eyes were. Like something straight out of a movie. People in real life didn’t have eyes that blue. 

Cas trailed his fingertips along Dean’s cheek. “It’s merely an observation. I don’t have to prove anything.”

Unable to stop himself, Dean leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. He smiled as he drew back. “Maybe you’re the one who likes to cuddle.”

“I never said I didn’t,” Cas retorted, wrapping his arm around Dean’s back to pull him closer.

Dean really liked how close they were. It was kind of awesome. He sighed contentedly and draped his arm over Cas’s torso, full on cuddling into him. He looked at the enormous TV and chuckled. “How many inches is that monster?”

"Twenty one, full color. Do you want to watch something?" Cas asked, his fingertips sliding gently over Dean's arm.

“What do you have?”

"Oh, did you ever see _The Professional?_ I think it's one of my favorite movies. I'm not really allowed to watch it, but I have a box with VHS tapes hidden under my bed that my parents don’t know about.”

Dean grinned. “I’ve been dying to see it. Go grab it!”

Cas turned Dean around on the mattress and smirked at him as soon as he was lying under him, before he crawled over Dean to the edge of the bed. He leaned his body far over the edge to pull the box out in one go. “I’ve got a lot of movies I’m not supposed to have. _The Crow, Stargate, Drunken Master, Natural Born Killers, Terminal Velocity_ _..._ why do I have this one? Whatever , _Street Fighter, Pulp Fiction_ and so on.“

“I’m cool with _The Professional._ I’ve seen most of those. Except _Terminal Velocity,_ but that sounds boring.”

“It is boring. I don’t know what my friend was thinking when he recommended that one.” Cas opened the box and slid from the bed to put in the tape before he turned on his TV. When he returned, he grinned at Dean. “Do you think we can get cozy again?”

“And you say _I’m_ the one who likes cuddling,” he said with a smirk, before scooting over to make room for Cas. 

“Weird, I’m pretty sure I did say that I like cuddling and just asked you if you do too.” Cas waggled his eyebrows as he leaned against the headrest as soon as he sat down and reached out his arms invitingly to Dean.

Dean laughed and crawled towards him, right between his legs, completely resting himself against Cas’s torso, tilting his head up to smirk at Cas.

Cas returned the smirk before he cupped his cheek and leaned in for a soft, lingering kiss. 

Without separating, Dean managed to turn himself completely, now chest to chest with Cas as he sucked a surprisingly soft bottom lip between his teeth. When Cas gasped, Dean slipped his tongue inside. It was kind of awesome how Cas didn't taste like an ashtray.

Cas was hesitant at first, a bit clumsy even when he slid his tongue over Dean’s. Their teeth clacked against each other when Cas suddenly pulled him closer. He chuckled against Dean’s lips, murmuring, “Sorry.”

Dean drew back slightly and smiled. “Don’t think about it, just do what feels right, okay?”

“Yeah,” Cas breathed out, nodding before he cupped Dean’s face again and drew him into another kiss. This time he licked into Dean’s mouth, deepening it with less hesitance and a lot more heat.

For someone who’d never kissed anyone before, Cas was a quick study. Dean circled Cas’s tongue with his own before he gently started sucking on his tongue, enjoying the broken sound that escaped Cas as he did.

That was when he could feel Cas rocking his hips against him with a broken moan.

Shit, if he kept that up, Dean was gonna be harder than Chinese algebra. Despite not wanting to end it, hell, he could easily make out with Cas for hours, it was fast becoming… Dean didn’t know what it was becoming, but being friends wasn’t what would happen if they kept going. Especially when the smartass comment Cas made the day before regarding his dick size came rushing to the forefront of Dean’s mind. 

With a reluctant sigh, Dean ended the kiss and drew back. “I call bullshit on you having never kissed anyone.” He couldn’t help but give Cas a small smile. 

“It’s surprisingly easy with you,” Cas admitted, sounding a little breathless. “And I think we should stop now.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, you’re, uh… You’re too good at kissing I think. You probably don’t need my help.” Well, apparently all of the blood flow was in Dean’s dick, because there was no way he would have said that and basically ruined his chances for further makeouts with Cas if his brain was functioning.

Cas scrunched his nose. “Shit, now I wish I was really bad at this.”

The relieved chuckle that escaped was probably the exact moment his temporary insanity kicked in as he leaned forward and captured Cas’s lips in an almost frantic kiss. 

When Cas leaned back after a moment, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe we could still kiss sometimes. You know? When it’s just us.”

Dean nodded, feeling a little less frantic. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Cas looked down at his lap. “I mean, only if you want to.”

Without hesitation, Dean leaned forward and grasped Cas by the chin to tilt his head up. “I want to.”

Cas flashed him a quick smile and nodded. “Cool. You’re a pretty cool guy, Dean. I’m so glad your family moved here.”

Dean returned the smile. “Me, too. So, uh… What do you want to do?”

“Wanna watch the movie?” Cas asked with a grin.

“Sounds good. Weren’t you gonna press play before we got distracted?” 

"Right!" Cas chuckled nervously before he grabbed the remote and started the movie. He turned around to Dean on the bed, biting his lip with a questioning expression in his eyes. Cas seemed to make a decision and sat next to Dean on the bed, holding out his arms in invitation again.

When in Rome, right? Dean rolled his eyes, but the grin on his face was a clear indication he wasn’t really opposed to the idea. Dean curled in next to Cas, resting his head on his chest. “So, you’re alone a lot and you seriously never brought someone home to make out?”

Cas pulled Dean a little tighter before he shrugged. “I was never interested in making out with anybody.”

“See? You _say_ that, and yet… here we are.” Dean chuckled as he trailed his fingers along Cas’s side.

Cas shivered under Dean's touch. "You're the first one I wanted to try this with," he admitted quietly.

If that wasn’t an ego boost, he didn’t know what was. Dean smiled as he turned to look up at Cas. “Guess that makes me special, huh?”

Cas returned the smile before he softly touched Dean's cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his skin. "Yeah. I like you. You're not like all the others."

Dean couldn’t hide the grin of satisfaction. “That’s usually the thing about me people _don’t_ like.”

Cas shrugged slightly. "People are usually stupid."

“I like that you aren’t like the others, too,” he admitted, moving to rest his head against Cas’s chest again. 

Dean felt Cas's fingers in his hair as he murmured, "For the first time I have the feeling I can be myself. With other people I always feel like I’m playing a role, you know? But with you... I don't know. I'm not afraid to be myself with you."

“I like that you can be yourself. It’s weird, but I pretty much instantly felt a connection with you the minute you tripped over me.”

Cas turned his head and leaned closer to him. "Must be fate." He chuckled.

“Or I have a thing for clumsy guys,” Dean returned. 

Cas tickled Dean's side before he looked at him with a happy smile. "I swear I'm usually not that clumsy."

Dean moved to sit up and quirked his brow at Cas. “What did we agree on when it comes to tickling?”

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled and held up his arms in defense, an amused glint in his eyes. “What can I do so you forgive me?”

“I dunno, Cas. I’m thinkin’ that was a pretty serious transgression. Not sure you can…” Dean couldn’t contain his smirk.

"Oh, no," Cas replied in an exaggerated voice. "I would do anything to get your forgiveness. Just name it."

Dean regarded him with the most serious expression he could muster and said, “The moon.”

“Do you want me to steal the moon for you?” Cas grinned. “Where would you even put it?”

“We could hang it over the tree house.” Dean smirked and realized he wasn’t paying any attention to the movie. For some reason, Cas’s response and cuddling was far more interesting. 

Cas appeared to be thoughtful, sliding his fingertips over Dean’s arm. “Though I think that is a very stylish suggestion, I would prefer it if the hideout stayed a secret. Pinning the moon to it would make it an attraction.”

“Damnit,” Dean cursed in a chuckle as he moved to lean up, looking down at Cas. “I guess you can leave it in the sky.”

“If I find a way to minimize the moon so it fits into your pocket, I will steal it gladly for you, Dean,” Cas replied as they got lost in each other’s eyes for a moment.

“Promise?”

“Of course.” Cas’s gaze fell to Dean’s lips for a moment before he looked up again, wetting his own lips.

Dean couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried when he leaned forward and pressed a tentative and permission seeking kiss to Cas’s lips.

Cas replied immediately by opening his mouth and licking over Dean's lips, before he pulled Dean closer and onto his lap.

He braced his hands on either side of Cas’s pillow as he proceeded to get lost in an insanely good kiss. Not that Dean had kissed that many people, but enough to know when someone was just naturally good at it. And Cas was damn good. 

Cas slid his hands up Dean's sides and pulled him closer, gasping into the kiss before he slowed down and drew back, breathing heavily. "Fuck."

Dean nodded. “Yeah, you’re way too good at that.”

Cas snorted. "I think that is all you, Dean. It's very easy to kiss you... and to get carried away. Fuck, I had no idea it would be so hard to stop kissing someone."

He couldn’t help but feel a little proud. The fact that Cas liked kissing him just as much made him feel warm. Dean smiled and nodded. “Kinda crazy, right?”

"Yeah, very." Cas licked over his own lips, staring up at Dean. "Maybe I _am_ gay," he murmured quietly. "I mean, I must be, when I like kissing you, right?"

Dean shrugged as he moved to cuddle against Cas’s side again. “Until you kiss a chick, I don’t know you can say for sure. But, maybe?”

“You think I like both, just like you?” Cas asked as he pulled Dean closer again, kissing him behind his ear. It tickled, but felt nice.

“Never know ‘til you try, right?” Dean chuckled and turned his face to press a kiss to the underside of Cas’s chin.

"I never wanted to try it." Cas leaned into him, trailing soft kisses along Dean's hairline. "But now... I think I'm actually curious for the first time."

Without thinking twice, Dean angled his face so the next kiss Cas planted on him hit his lips. He smiled and deepened the kiss, unable to get over how much he liked kissing Castiel.

Cas groaned into the kiss before he turned them around on the bed, sliding over Dean as he deepened the kiss again. He licked and nipped at Dean's lips before he pulled back with a frustrated groan. "Dean, I think we should stop. It's getting really hard... um," He looked down at himself before he shrugged, "You know what I mean." 

Dean was conflicted, while he had zero experience with sexual stuff outside of heavy petting, he realized in that moment, he would be more than happy to get that experience with Cas. But clearly, his friend didn’t want to do that. He nodded and chuckled. “Uh, yeah. You’re right. Besides, we’re um… missing the movie.”

"Yeah," Cas breathed out before he slowly slid off of Dean and awkwardly shifted on the bed to adjust his pants. Dean felt better when he noticed Cas looked disappointed too. "I envy your girlfriend," Cas suddenly murmured.

“Technically, you’re the one with the girlfriend. I’m not even sure Rhonda likes me.” Dean chuckled and adjusted himself, thinking of the least sexy things he could to get his stupid erection under control.

"How couldn't she? She would be seriously stupid to not like you." Cas pulled Dean close to his chest again in a weirdly possessive way.

Dean chuckled. “I don’t think Rhonda likes anyone, dude.”

“I’m sure, at some point, people said that about me. And look at me now. I definitely like you.” Cas turned his face and underlined his words with a kiss to Dean’s temple.

And the problem with that was, Dean didn’t just like Cas, he had a full blown crush on the guy. Which was anything but good. To such an extent, the thought of them attempting to explore their weird connection could have the potential of ruining their awesome friendship. So, in that moment, Dean had to make a decision. Did he want Cas as a friend, or did he want to possibly try to have a short-lived high school romance that, nine times out of ten, always ended badly?

Well. No contest. Dean smiled, even though he knew it didn’t reach his eyes, and said, “Me, too. So, uh… Maybe we shouldn’t keep this up. I mean, we both have… girlfriend type things and… I really like you Cas. I think we could be friends for a long time and I don’t want to fuck that up.”

Cas looked clearly disappointed by that, but he nodded. “You’re right, Dean. The last thing I want is to mess up our friendship. I like you a lot, I hope we'll become best friends... for a really long time."

The smile was genuine then. He held out his hand, pinky extended in offer. “Pinky swear. We’ll be best friends until we’re old, and gray, and screaming at the damn kids to get off our lawn.”

Cas grinned and hooked his little finger with Dean’s. “You have a deal.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas was super tired and although he really liked math, he wished he was back in his bed, preferably with Dean at his side.

Dean had almost missed his curfew when they both fell asleep in each other’s arms. They only woke up because Gabriel trampled through the hallway singing, “I swear,” from some boy band Cas had forgotten the name of. 

Even though they had made a promise to each other to just stay friends, his crush on Dean was still going strong. He couldn't stop thinking about him, and the fact that he sat right next to him during first period wasn’t making it easier to concentrate on the teacher.

“Wake up,” Dean whispered as he nudged his knee into Cas’s.

"Smmmnot asleep," Cas murmured as he looked up at Dean with a tired expression, instantly getting lost in his green eyes.

"Mr. Novak. I hope you are at least dreaming about equations instead of your girlfriend,” Mr. Meyer chided, causing the whole classroom to snicker.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Cas apologized, rubbing his eyes before he glanced back at the book, whispering to Dean, “Where were we?”

Dean shrugged. “No idea. I just woke up.”

_Fuck._ He gave Dean a quick smile though, before he looked at the blackboard to try and get a clue as to where they were. When he looked down at the book and turned the page, he realized that he slept through a lot. "Oops," he murmured. Good thing this was more or less repetition for the next test.

“You’re a bad influence on me,” Dean whispered as he winked.

Cas bit his lip to stifle his chuckle. "I thought it was the other way around, bad boy," he whispered back.

Dean winked at him and opened his own book, proceeding to attempt to study from the looks of it, but knowing Dean, he was probably busy listening to Led Zeppelin in his head.

Everytime Dean winked at him Cas felt butterflies exploding into a frenzy in his stomach. He knew he was head over heels in love with Dean, and there was nothing he could do about it other than wait for it to go away. He didn’t want to lose Dean as his friend, so he had come to the conclusion that he needed to concentrate on finding a replacement. At least for the physical side of a relationship. 

Since Dean and him had fooled around, his curiosity about sex had been piqued. For the first time in his life, he wanted to have sex with someone.

His reverie was interrupted by the teacher clearing his throat as he held a slip from one of the hall monitors. “Mr. Winchester, you need to grab your things and go to the principal’s office.”

There was a chorus of, “ooooh’s” from the class, and Dean rolled his eyes as he stood up and started stuffing his things into his backpack.

Cas gave Dean a worried look, mouthing, “What’s happening?” 

Dean shrugged and whispered, “No idea. I’ll let you know.” He gave him a reassuring smile before slinging on his back pack and making his way to the front of the classroom.

In his entire life Cas had never been called out to the principal. His stomach was twisted into knots and his whole body tensed. Was Dean in trouble? Did something happen? He still looked at the door of the classroom after Dean had already vanished through it. He felt sick with worry. Maybe it was nothing.

Or maybe he was in trouble because of Rhonda. Cas knew Dean skipped class with her. Another wave of jealousy hit him. He didn't like Rhonda before, but now he really hated her for getting Dean into trouble. If she really liked him she wouldn't do that. Maybe he should have a word with her the next time he saw her. 

He remembered though how protective Dean had been about her. Trying to assure him that Rhonda wasn't at fault. That it was his own decision. It was just… Cas didn't see it that way. Because he was pretty sure Dean wouldn't have skipped class if Rhonda hadn't suggested it. 

And although he didn't want to think poorly of his own gender, boys did stupid shit to impress girls. 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and tried to follow whatever the teacher was explaining, but his thoughts returned to Dean. Especially back to the kisses they shared. He tried not to think about them because every time he thought about kissing Dean, he got a boner. And hell, a boner in class was definitely something he tried to avoid.

He had never felt like this before. He had never wanted to have sex with someone before. But since he met Dean, all he could think about was dragging him into his bed and making out.

And there was the boner. _Damnit._

Focusing on his math equations, he started to solve them as a means of thinking about _anything_ other than sex. He wrote down the exercise from his book into his notebook, staring at the numbers. In particular at sixty-nine. His mind involuntarily headed back to the sexy fantasy from his shower that morning, lying naked on the bed with Dean while sucking his cock… _Damnit._ Math definitely wasn’t helping his case. 

Maybe he just needed to have sex. With someone else. Just to get Dean off of his mind. He couldn’t have him anyway; not just because he was too afraid that his parents would find out, but also because he wanted to keep Dean as a friend. That was what Dean wanted. He took in another deep breath and frowned at his book. He wanted to keep Dean in his life, if he couldn't have him as a boyfriend (which was just unrealistic because they both were boys and that just couldn't happen) he at least wanted to keep him as his best friend. 

Cas had never met another person like him before. Dean was different, and Cas was able to be himself. So he couldn't lose Dean. It felt amazing to finally have someone who he could talk to.

Maybe this was just a stupid crush that would be over in a few weeks. Maybe he just had a crush on Dean because it was new, and kissing Dean felt amazing. Maybe all kisses felt like that. It wasn't like he had a comparison.

So he promised himself to at least try to get some experience. To say it in the words of his friend Stephen, he owed his dick some action.

He looked down at his notebook again, the sixty-nine winking at him. He rolled his eyes at his own dirty mind before he shook his head and tried to focus. Just when his mind started to shape the teacher’s words from nonsense into real sentences again, the bell rang. Great, he had spent the entire time daydreaming about Dean. 

Cas didn’t even feel bad that he was looking forward to Dean finally watching his practice later. He had been looking forward to it since he suggested it. Of course, he was always motivated to give his all even at practice… but he really wanted to impress Dean. A foolish part of him wanted Dean to like him back, the way Cas liked Dean.

Until his mind unhelpfully reminded Cas that he had promised himself to just stay friends with Dean, and specifically that having a boyfriend wasn’t an option. This was just a phase, a crush or whatever. But he still couldn’t mute the part of himself that still wanted to try, against all odds.

So he packed his stuff for his next class and waited patiently for the break where he would see Dean again. Cas was still hoping he hadn’t gotten into trouble.

The time until lunch dragged like rock hard chewing gum, which was a first for Cas. He usually loved school. It meant spending time away from home, so contrary to all of his friends who hated school, Cas loved being here. It was also the reason he put so much effort into becoming the basketball captain. It meant he needed to spend even more time at school, having the perfect excuse for longer practice hours, allowing him to return home as late as possible.

The moment he walked up to the cafeteria his heart started to race. He tried to calm down, feeling stupid that everytime he was around Dean he turned into this super awkward, rambling idiot. Until now it hadn’t happened in front of his friends, and if it did Cas knew he would never hear the end of it. 

Dean was leaning against the wall near the entrance to the cafeteria, clearly waiting for him. His heart stumbled painfully when his friend looked up. Fuck, he loved his green eyes and his freckles. He waved at him with a shy smile as he drew closer. "Hello, Dean."

Dean gave him a sheepish smile. “Heya, Cas,” he said, sounding a little weird.

And there was the worry again. "Everything okay? What happened?"

There was a beat of silence before Dean sighed and chuckled a little mirthlessly. “I can’t make it to your practice tonight.”

"What?" Cas asked dumbly. "Why? What happened?"

Dean shrugged in defeat. “You were right. I got caught ditching, so I’m, uh… I have detention.”

There was a painful twinge in his heart. He had been looking forward to this all day, and now stupid Rhonda had taken it from him. He pressed his lips into a thin line, frowning, trying to get his emotions under control. "I see," he ground out. Cas was dying on the inside as he tried to give Dean a smile (which probably looked more like a grimace) and added, "Well, maybe next time. I mean, you owe me."

“Yeah, I swear,” he said with an affirmative nod, “I’ll even let you choose the next movie, you know… as me apologizing for, you know… being a fuck up.”

Cas bit his lip as his chest tensed up. "Excuse me for a moment. I’ll, um, be right back," he mumbled before he practically fled in the direction of the bathrooms, finding an unoccupied stall and shutting himself in. He tried to control his breathing, angrily wiping away the tear that made its way down his cheek.

_Fuck! Pull yourself together. It’s not that bad._

It didn’t really help. It didn’t change anything. Dean would go to detention. Probably spend more time with her there, because of course she would be there too. And maybe they would skip school again, so Dean would never go and see him play.

He wiped away another tear. 

And after that Dean wouldn’t be interested in hanging out with Cas anymore, because Rhonda would start having sex with him. and Dean wouldn’t have any time for him anymore. 

There was a soft tapping at the door, followed by Dean’s voice softly asking, “Cas?”

_Fuck._ He angrily wiped away the tears and tried to take in a deep breath. "What? I told you I'll be right back." The annoyance practically seeped out. Cas didn't want Dean to see him like this.

“Do… do you want me to leave you alone?”

Cas pressed his eyes closed, trying to get his voice to stop giving away that he was crying. "Yeah," he ground out. "I don't feel so well." Which wasn't a lie. "Probably ate something that went bad." Yeah, _that_ was a lie. 

There was a beat of silence and a soft, relenting sigh. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.”

Cas looked up at the ceiling, taking in a shuddering breath. "Yeah... it's okay." He swallowed dryly. "There is always next time, right?" he added quietly. He was pretty sure there wouldn't be a next time. Cas should have known he shouldn't look forward to something. It was a lesson he actually had already learned, so he was angry for falling into the trap again. You always get screwed if you trust other people.

Over and over his parents had promised him things that never happened. Until he had given up on looking forward to things. He should have known better. 

“Yeah, do you have practice tomorrow? Provided my parents don’t hand my ass to me, I only have one day of detention. They wanted to take it easy on the new kid, you know?”

"Yeah, I have practice tomorrow," he mumbled before he shrugged. Not that Dean could see it. And this time he wouldn't look forward to it, in case Dean couldn't make it again. 

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Unless you want me to take you to the nurse’s office?”

"No." Cas took in a deep breath, hoping his eyes weren't red rimmed as he wiped his sleeve over his face again. "I'm sure it's nothing."

There was a soft drumming of his fingers against the door before a soft, “See you later,” followed by retreating footsteps.

Cas waited until he heard the door close before he carefully left the stall and went to the sink. His reflection looked pathetic and he angrily turned on the tap, washing his face with cold water. 

This was so stupid. 

He wiped his face with the paper towel as he channeled his anger from himself to Rhonda, the stupid bitch. He shouldered his backpack and left the bathroom, leaving the school in the direction of the gym. He knew Rhonda often smoked behind it, and he knew he would probably find her there again. 

As predicted, she was standing exactly where he had guessed. "Hey, Hurley, you got a minute?" He greeted, trying not to sound too angry.

She took a long drag from her cigarette, regarding Cas with a quirked brow before she shrugged and tapped the ash off of her cigarette. “What do you need?” She sounded bored, completely uncaring as she took another drag.

"I heard you and Dean are... friends?" he asked slowly, trying to keep as much distance from her cigarette smoke as possible. If his mom smelled cigarettes on him, she would skin him alive.

“Dean?” she asked as she shook her head, clearly not sure who he was talking about. 

He rolled his eyes. "New kid. My age. Green eyes, freckles?" he elaborated.

Rhonda narrowed her eyes for a moment before she let out a soft huff of laughter. “Savage. Right. What about him?”

Cas frowned. wondering why she would call him, “Savage.” He couldn't keep the anger from his voice then, "He got detention for skipping school with you. I know you probably don't care. But Dean is my friend, and I don't want him to get in trouble. So I'd appreciate it if you don’t do that with him anymore."

She scoffed and nodded, over enthusiastically. “Sure thing, Wally. I’ll get right on that.”

He glared at her. "What's the matter with you? I thought you liked Dean? Maybe I was wrong..."

“You sound like a jealous girlfriend,” she murmured around her a puff of smoke.

Cas scoffed. "Well, sue me for caring about my friend. If you like Dean even just a little bit, try to do something nice for a change and keep him out of trouble, instead of dragging everyone down with you."

Rhonda flicked the ash off of her cigarette again. “Look, I don’t force anyone to do anything. I do what I do, I offer to share, so just because some kids don’t have self restraint enough to say no, you don’t get to pin that on me. If Savage wants to kick it with me, I’m gonna offer to share, whether it’s sharing spit when we make out or…” She looked down and lifted her skirt up a little higher, he almost saw her underwear. “Whatever else,” she finished by straightening her skirt and taking another drag.

Cas felt sick just from thinking that this girl had kissed Dean and wanted to do more with him. "You don't get it, do you? If you really liked Dean, you wouldn't ask to 'share' skipping class with him. You wouldn't want him to get in trouble."

“I’m not his keeper. He gets to make his own choices, his own decisions. And why do you care so much?” she asked as she took a step closer, looking him over, as though trying to put a puzzle together.

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't expect you to get it. Is it really too much to ask to refrain from asking Dean to skip school with you?"

Rhonda’s observation ended with a pursing of her lips as she shrugged. “As cute as your crush is, it doesn’t get to dictate how I live my life. So run along, little jock. Go back to overcompensating.”

Cas gave her a disgusted look as he shook his head. "I seriously don't get why I thought I could just ask you to do something nice. You're such a stupid bitch and I can't wait until you finally flunk out of school. So, fuck you, Rhonda." He flipped her off and turned around, angrily kicking a stone against the gym wall. 

“Hey, Novak!” she called out.

Cas turned around and glared at her. "What?"

She approached him with a smirk on her dark maroon lips. Rhonda stepped on her cigarette butt and stepped in front of him. “I hadn’t planned on it, but I think I’m definitely gonna jerk him off during detention. See if we can’t get more of them.”

Cas scrunched up his nose before he slowly shook his head. He didn't want to imagine her filthy mouth anywhere near Dean. "You're a self absorbed asshole."

“Maybe, but you gotta admit, he’s pretty hot. Can’t wait to see what he looks like when he comes,” she said with a pointed wink.

Cas would never in his life push or hit a girl. but in this case he was pretty close to losing it. "You're disgusting," he growled before he turned and left. He needed a new strategy because talking to that bitch was clearly not going to work. 

He was happy that he had practice later. He needed an outlet for all of the aggression and anger he was feeling. _Fucking bitch._

When he stomped into the locker room at the end of the day, he growled as he pulled off his jacket and shirt, and switched into his jersey.

"Who pissed in your cheerios?" Stephen asked with a slap to his shoulder.

"The school slut." Usually Cas refrained from talking like that about people, but he was so angry in that moment he couldn't stop himself.

Stephen raised an eyebrow at him. "Woah, who are you and what have you done with Castiel?"

He rolled his eyes at Stephen and opened his jeans to change into his shorts. "What? You and the guys say that shit about her all the time."

"Um, yeah," Stephen replied as he started to undress. "But you're you. You always lecture us about this shit when we do it. What happened to 'treating girls with respect'?"

Cas closed his eyes and sat down on the bench, scrubbing his hand over his face before he combed his hair back with his hand. "Fuck, I know. I'm sorry."

Stephen sat down next to him with a grin. "Are you kidding me? I'm glad you got that stick out of your ass. Seriously, man, you sometimes need to let that stuff out to feel better." He clapped his shoulder again with a chuckle. "So, what did that bitch do to piss you off like this? Is she finally charging money for her services?"

Cas scrunched up his nose in disgust. “I don't think I will ever be that horny." He only felt a little guilty for talking bad about her. Stephen was right about one thing. It did make him feel better.

Stephen chuckled before he searched his backpack for his jersey. Cas couldn’t help but let his gaze stealthily wander over his naked chest and his arms. Since he had made out with Dean, Cas wondered if he really might be gay, attracted to boys. Stephen was attractive. There were a lot of girls that were into him. But when Cas looked at him... nothing happened. Maybe it was because he had known Stephen since kindergarten. He just couldn't see him in any way other than a friend. “And I heard you have a girlfriend now? When did that happen, tiger?”

That was quick. He shouldn't be surprised though. "Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Lenore. It's pretty new." He wondered if he should ask her out for a date. Maybe they could go to the park, so everyone from their school could see them. He knew his mother wouldn't believe him if he just told her that he had a girlfriend. But she would believe it when other moms gossiped about it with her.

Stephen laughed and shook his head. "So, you're dating the head cheerleader after all. You're such a cliché, man."

Cas chuckled and he felt slightly better after the banter. "I know, right? It's embarrassing."

"So have you already boned her?" Stephen waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Cas rolled his eyes. "You're a pig."

"And there he is again, the good old stick."

Cas stood up from the bench. "Enough talk about my stick." He snorted when the rest of the team arrived in the locker room, giving him funny looks. "Yeah, that came out wrong."

Stephen nearly toppled over the bench with laughter, which earned them a few more weird looks.

"Did we interrupt your gay time?" Tegan asked, throwing his bag on the bench.

“You totally did, dude!” Stephen complained theatrically. “I was just telling Castiel how much I admire his stick.”

Cas leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Don't worry, I'm sure your stick will grow at some point in your life."

The others chuckled and Stephen flipped him off with a grin. Cas slowly started to relax, getting his head back in the game. He clapped his hands together with a look at the clock. "Come on, guys, pick up the pace. Four weeks until we go against Kenwood. We still got a lot of work ahead of us."

He walked out of the locker room to greet the coach, his gaze wandering to the stands. Of course he knew that Dean wasn’t there. He was in detention with that Hurley bitch, who was probably giving him a blowjob to extend Dean’s detention. He was right not to look forward to tomorrow. Or any other day Dean told him he’d come and watch. The worst part was that he felt powerless in that moment. There was nothing he could do that Dean would choose him instead of her. 

Lenore waved at him with a smile from the bleachers. He returned the smile and waved back before he looked back at the door. His team wasn’t out yet. He still had some time, so he walked over to her with a smile. “Hey,” he greeted, surprised by the way she hugged him and kissed his cheek. 

“Hi, handsome,” she greeted in return as she leaned back again, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “So. I wanted to ask you if you want to meet me after school. At the park?”

He had never really looked at her before, but now that he did, he noticed that she was kind of pretty. In a geeky sort of way. Kind, blue eyes and long blonde hair that she had pulled in a loose ponytail. Her smile was nice. It reached her eyes. “Yeah, sure. Meet you at the swingset at five?”

“Yeah.” Cas nodded. Maybe Lenore could help him forget about his stupid crush on Dean. He winked at her before he whispered, “Cheer for me?”

She gave him a shy smile and nodded. “Always, Captain.”

He grinned as he returned to the court, catching a ball from Mike to start the warm ups. He still felt angry every time he imagined Dean getting a blow job from Rhonda, but now he could channel it into practice. And if he threw some too-hard passes at Luke’s chest, yelling at him for not paying attention, well… no one needed to know the source of his aggression.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was weird, but Dean felt really guilty about what he pulled, disappointing Cas like that. He couldn’t give a fuck about getting detention, it wasn’t anything he hadn’t had to deal with back in Kansas. And he wasn’t about to start caring now, but Cas had been seriously upset. So much so, Dean couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Because he could read him. Dean knew he wasn’t sick. Cas was legitimately upset that Dean had let him down, and for the first time in his life, it actually mattered to him. Whatever it was about Castiel, their weird connection, Dean gave a shit what one person in particular thought of him. 

So, when Rhonda winked at him when he walked into the classroom detention was being held in, he rolled his eyes at her, but still gave her a smile and sat next to her. Even though he fucked up, he wasn’t about to blame Rhonda, because he could have just not ditched with her. 

They managed to get a little conversation in before the bored teacher barked at the five students in the room to sit at least two desks away from each other. He clearly had no desire to babysit. It was the longest hour of his damn life. But when they were all finally released, Dean checked his watch to see if he would have enough time to catch the end of Cas’s practice before he went home to face the music.

Rhonda had apparently been waiting for him by the lockers, and yanked him forward with a knowing smile. She waggled her eyebrows as she crowded him against said lockers. “Where you goin’, Savage?”

Dean chuckled and nodded towards the gym. “Wanted to see if I could catch the end of my friend’s practice.”

The lascivious smirk he received in response was pretty telling. Rhonda trailed her right index finger down her shirt, dipping into her cleavage as she looked up at him through overly mascaraed lashes. “Or… we could have some fun instead?”

“What did you have in mind?” Dean returned in a teasing tone, his eyes trailing back to the gym for a moment. 

Rhonda gently gripped his chin to draw his attention back. She smirked before grabbing him by the wrist, dragging him through the empty halls of their high school, right to a supply closet between a couple of the science classrooms.

She pushed him against the closed door once they were inside and immediately dropped to her knees. As she began unbuckling Dean’s belt, his eyebrows shot up and he halted her hands with his own. “What are you doing?”

That was met with a surprised chuckle. “Are you that virginal? Have you seriously never had a blow job?”

Dean was grateful for the darkness of the supply closet when he felt his cheeks heat. He shook his head. “No.”

Rhonda clicked her tongue and proceeded to continue unbuttoning his jeans, pulling the zipper down in one quick yank. As she pulled his half hard erection from his boxers, she hummed and said, “Good, then you’re gonna remember this.”

And suddenly he was encased in warmth and wetness, Dean gasped and barely registered the pain when his head lolled back against the door. “Fuck,” he hissed as she sucked him down without any hesitation or hinderance. 

Dean’s eyelids fluttered closed and as he lost himself to a pleasure he’d never felt before, he was only mildly surprised that the eyes looking up at him in his unspoken fantasy were big and blue. 

And that’s when he came. Dean gasped and immediately apologized, “I’m so sorry, I should’ve warned…”

Rhonda pulled off and shook her head as she wiped her chin with the back of her hand. “You’re a virgin, I’m surprised you lasted that long.”

Dean let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “Damn, Rhonda.”

She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Now I’m gonna teach you how to reciprocate,” she purred as she pulled him forward and gently pushed him to his knees. Rhonda pulled her panties down and hooked her left leg over his shoulder, gently gripping his hair as she smirked down at him. “Come on, Savage.”

Yeah, Dean was going to have to get his Dad a gift to thank him for taking the job relocation.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

He felt nervous about his date with Lenore. Which was pretty weird, because he had known her for such a long time. And besides, this wasn't a real date. At least considering they had agreed to be a couple because it was mutually beneficial. But since practice, he got the feeling that maybe this could evolve into something more.

Cas wasn't sure, it wasn't like he was an expert on girls (or boys), but either Lenore was very good at pretending to be his girlfriend, or she liked him for real. He still wasn't sure what to do with that information as he sat down on the swingset, arriving way too early and trying to reach a decision in his mind. 

He was in love with Dean. He wasn't kidding himself. He fell for him hard, and he was sure that feeling wouldn’t go away any time soon. But he also knew that they had no future. Not only because he was a boy and Cas couldn't be with him without his parents killing him, but also because they had agreed to just be best friends. Cas wanted to keep Dean in his life whatever the cost. 

So there was only one option. Try to find someone else to love so he could get Dean off of his mind. That way he could just be friends with him.

_Easier said than done._ Cas had never felt anything similar to what he felt for Dean before. Of course, in the past, Cas thought there was something wrong with him. All of his friends started feeling attracted to girls. Talking about their legs, or ass, or their breasts, and Cas felt… nothing, just not interested. He didn’t understand why feeling an attraction to someone mattered. 

He liked nice people, people that were kind. Like Lenore. So he hoped that would be a good start for maybe more, provided she was even interested in him.

Maybe all he needed was to have sexual experiences with other people. He suddenly felt sick when he imagined Dean having sex with Rhonda. He knew Dean wouldn’t say no to her, so why should Cas hold back with other people? Friends. They were just friends. He could do this. If Dean could do it, Cas could do it too. His mind was apparently turning into a cheerleader, trying to motivate him to kiss other people. It was ridiculous.

He stared up at the sky and started to swing back and forth. Maybe kissing someone else wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it all felt awesome. If he listened to his friends, they had told him on several occasions how much fun it was to make out with girls. Maybe they were right, and he was just clueless because he had never tried it.

“Castiel!” 

Cas stopped the swing and blinked against the sun as Lenore walked up to him, waving at him with a soft smile curling her lips. He jumped off the swing to meet her halfway, surprised when she pulled him in for a gentle hug. “Hey, were you waiting long?” she asked before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

Nothing she hadn’t done before, it was just that they didn’t presently have an audience to impress. So maybe she liked it. Or maybe this didn’t mean anything. The girls greeted each other with hugs a lot. He leaned back and smiled at her. “No, I just got here myself.” 

She flashed him another smile and sat down in one of the swings, pushing herself off the ground. “You were really aggressive at practice today.”

He sat down on the swing next to her with a raised eyebrow. "You noticed?" He was surprised that she had paid attention to him. He couldn't help but smile at her again.

Lenore chuckled softly as she nodded. “Hard not to. You’re usually quiet and composed.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced over. "I had a rough day. I think I needed an outlet." He dragged his shoe through the sand, drawing lines. "Thank you for meeting me. We don’t have much time to talk at school."

“Yeah, I’m glad we can do this… You know, hang out?” she sounded hopeful and unsure as she ducked his gaze.

"Yeah," he breathed out before he stood up from the swing and grabbed Lenore's to stop the motion. He smiled down at her and held out his hand to pull her up, intertwining their fingers. "Do you want to walk with me?"

Her baby blue eyes widened, making them even bigger, giving her a very endearingly innocent appearance. Lenore looked at their joined hands and nodded. “I’d like that.”

He followed her gaze at their joined hands and raised his eyebrow. "Is this okay? I mean... I know no one from school is around.”

Lenore gave him another minute nod. “It’s okay.”

He squeezed her hand and gave her a quick smile as they started to walk down the pebble path towards a small man made lake. It felt nice. A traitorous part of his brain tried to imagine he was here with Dean, but he tried to ignore it. "Did everything go well with you taking over the cheerleaders? Or is Paula making your life miserable?"

“Paula’s not on the team anymore, so after they found out you and I were going out, it was pretty seamless,” she said with another chuckle.

"Did she give you shit about it?" He would be lying if he said he hadn’t been worried about that. And he liked Lenore. A lot. So of course he didn't want her to get treated badly because of him.

Lenore shrugged noncommittally. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, I promise.”

He stopped so he could look at her, his hand touching her cheek as he rubbed his thumb over her soft skin. "Are you sure? Because if she is a bitch to you, then please tell me."

Her cheeks turned a pleasant pink as she ducked his gaze again. “You’re very sweet.”

Cas put his finger under her chin to lift it as he smiled down at her. "You're sweet. And I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

“Mutually beneficial, right?”

Cas let her go, using his hand to rub the back of his neck. "Yeah, actually... that was something I wanted to talk to you about." He wasn't sure how he should start this conversation. 

“Oh, okay,” she murmured as she took a step back.

His heart was racing and he felt uncomfortable before he looked down at the ground, kicking at some loose pebbles with his shoe. "So... Um, I like you, Lenore. And I know we said this is all fake... just for appearances, but I was wondering if... um, you would like to go on a real date with me?" He quickly added, "I mean no hard feelings if you don't. I was just curious."

Lenore stopped walking and looked up at him, eyes beautifully wide again. “A real date?”

"Yeah," he breathed out, barely being brave enough to look at her. He just hoped her rejection would be a nice one. He rubbed his neck again. "But seriously, it's okay if you say no... I mean, it's probably awkward that I just asked..."

Why was he so horrible with this? Dean probably just went up to Rhonda and never stuttered, or talked with way too many ellipses at the end of his sentences.

Lenore cupped his cheek and shook her head. “I’d like that, Castiel.”

He hadn't really expected her to say yes. And a part of him was even more nervous now, because that meant he actually had to see it through. He had to actually try and kiss her at some point. At least it was with someone he actually liked. And who knew, maybe he would fall in love with her when they dated?

He gave her a quick, nervous smile and nodded. "Um, cool. So, um, do you wanna go down to the lake?" 

“Sure,” she said as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

She really looked cute. Cas smiled when this thought popped up randomly in his head. He took it as a good sign. He reached out his hand to grab hers again, intertwining their fingers as they made their way down to the lake. When they reached the brink, he pulled off his jacket and put it down on the grass, inviting Lenore to sit down with him. They sat pretty close and his heart was racing again. “I can’t wait for summer vacation. The water is still too cold to swim.”

Lenore nodded and let out a wistful sigh. “Do you have any plans?”

"My parents are flying to Europe, so I got a lot of free time on my hands. I'm planning to use the time to be really lazy." He leaned back, bracing himself on his palms as he squinted his eyes against the slowly setting sun. "Do you have plans?"

“Every year our family flies out to Florida to visit my grandparents. We’ll be there for a little over a month.”

Cas scrunched up his nose. "That's a long time." He had hoped he could have seen Lenore during their break, so he flashed her a shy smile. "I will miss you."

Lenore smiled and looked away. “Me too.”

It was the first time Cas was with a girl and felt the urge to kiss her. Probably because she looked just as nervous as he felt. But somehow, seeing her like that, made him feel braver, more at ease. He slid a finger over the back of her hand to get her attention. His voice was quiet and soft as he murmured, “I… I really want to kiss you.”

She nodded as she tucked her hair behind her ear again, whispering a hopeful, “Okay.”

He cupped her cheek, giving her a reassuring smile as he slid closer to her on the jacket. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it would jump out of his chest. Her lips looked so inviting, soft, like a petal of a rose, slightly parted with anticipation. 

Cas leaned closer, closing his eyes as he captured her lips in a gentle kiss. His mind automatically tried to compare it with kissing Dean, but he ignored those thoughts in favor of moving his lips over hers, just gracing them barely before he leaned back, slightly out of breath. 

It felt amazing kissing her. So it wasn't just awesome because it had been Dean. Kissing seemed to be a thing he generally liked. The traitorous voice interjected again though, _When you kissed Dean, you wanted to jump his bones._

He really needed to find a way to silence that fucking voice. So he leaned in again, braver now, his hand sliding to her neck as he pulled her closer, experimentally licking over her upper lip.

Lenore gasped and tentatively parted her lips, allowing him entrance.

He deepened the kiss, carefully exploring her mouth, tasting her as he playfully licked over her tongue. She tasted like cherry gum and something he couldn't place. It felt amazing. But it wasn't just that. 

A part of him had always been afraid that he was gay. Falling in love with Dean had just supported that theory. But now... kissing Lenore... It didn't feel wrong. It felt great and he could feel his dick beginning to react to the kiss. 

Maybe it wasn't as intense as with Dean, but then again, he knew he had feelings for Dean. 

Maybe this meant he really liked both. He gasped into the kiss as he pulled her closer, carding his other hand through her soft hair as he slowly leaned back, breathlessly smiling at her. "Wow."

Lenore’s cheeks flushed a pleasant pink as she nodded her agreement. “You’re really good at that.”

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? Because you're the first girl I’ve kissed." It wasn't a lie.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How is that possible?”

_Because Dean taught me how to kiss._ He shook his head with a half grin. "Maybe we just fit."

Lenore’s smile grew shy as she ducked his gaze. “Maybe.”

Cas couldn't stop looking at her. She was really cute like that, and he really liked when she ducked her gaze and was shy with him. He touched her cheek to kiss her again, just softly grazing her lips. "I still can't believe you said yes to dating me. I seriously thought you would tell me nicely to fuck off."

“I would never say that to you,” she murmured with a firm head shake.

Cas chuckled and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it with a wink. "Are you going to Stephen's party next saturday? We could go together if you want?"

Lenore rewarded him with the prettiest smile. “I’d love to.”

He rubbed his thumb over her cheek again, getting a little lost in her kind eyes. "You're really pretty."

She flushed pink again and looked away. “No I’m not.”

He lifted her chin again so she would look at him. "Don't say that. You have the cutest smile." He rubbed his thumb over her soft pink lips. "And you are so much prettier than every girl at school. You wanna know why?" 

Lenore shrugged as she quirked her brow. “Why?”

"Because all the other girls have to rely on makeup to mask what they lack. You are beautiful just as you are. Because you're a nice person. I still remember how you shared all your toys in elementary school, how you helped others, or gave up your ice cream to that girl that had injured herself on the swingset. You stand out from the rest because everything about you is beautiful." He wondered if that only sounded smooth in his head, and she would think he was totally lame for saying that out loud.

Her eyes searched his face for a moment before she leaned in and kissed him again.

Cas kissed her back, eagerly this time, burying his fingers in the soft strands of her hair. He gasped into her mouth as her tongue slid over his own, gently pushing her down in the grass with him before he leaned back from the kiss, breathing heavily. "Sorry... got a little carried away." 

Lenore shook her head, her own breaths coming out in ragged pants. “It’s okay.”

He carded his fingers through her hair with a soft smile before he nodded. "If I do anything you don't like, please tell me. Okay? It's very okay with me to go slow. I told you, I... I'm not like my friends with all of this. I know it's weird, but..." He shrugged, not knowing why he felt brave enough to tell her. Maybe because he trusted her. He knew she wouldn't think badly of him just because he was inexperienced. 

She flashed him a reassuring smile. “I like that you’re not like the other boys.”

He returned the smile before he admitted, "I don't want you to get the wrong impression. When I stop myself, it's not because I don't want to do more with you... Because I, um, I definitely do. But I hope we can take our time. So we’re both ready... you know? And I want to get to know you better." He was babbling, and he was horribly aware of that. 

Lenore pressed her finger to Cas’s lips. “Slow is good.”

Cas kissed her finger and nodded. "You're amazing," he murmured.

That was met with another cute smile and shy head duck. “Are you hungry?”

As if on cue, his stomach rumbled, and he looked up at her. Cas let out a soft laugh. “Yeah, I guess I am. We could go to that pizza place on Main Street? Do you like pizza?”

“We live in Chicago, I don’t think we’re allowed to hate pizza here,” she said as she moved to stand up.

He stood up quickly and grabbed her hand, helping her up as he fished his jacket from the ground. “True, but still.” He pulled her closer to press a kiss to her cheek. “What’s your favorite?”

Lenore giggled. “Gotta go with deep dish with cheese and pepperoni.”

“Good choice.” Cas grinned before he wrapped his arm around her waist so he could walk close to her on their way back up the pebble road. He had parked his car near the hospital that was right next to the park. “I like mushrooms and bell peppers.”

“We could get all of the toppings we both like?” She suggested as she moved to open the front passenger side door.

Cas quickly reached over to open and hold the door for her. “Sure, if you don’t mind mushrooms. My brother hates them. He is paranoid that there are poisonous mushrooms in between the others. So weird.”

Lenore giggled and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she got into the car. When he got behind the wheel, she said, “I’m pretty sure if a pizza place accidentally served poisonous mushrooms, they wouldn’t stay open for long.”

Cas started the car and flashed her a smirk. “You know, I told him the same thing. But it didn’t work. He said he could be the first victim.” He bit his lower lip before he added, “I think he just doesn’t like mushrooms, which is weird. I mean, what’s not to like? Especially on a pizza.”

She shrugged. “My younger siblings don’t like vegetables either.”

Cas shook his head. “I actually love healthy food. Not that I don't enjoy something unhealthy from time to time, but… I wanna become a doctor. And it always bugs me when Doctors tell patients to eat and live healthy when they themselves smoke and are overweight.”

“Do as I say, don’t do as I do, right?”

Cas shrugged. “I wouldn't trust a Doctor who can't even do what he preaches himself.”

The drive to the pizza place was only five minutes before he snagged a parking spot a few businesses down from the door. “Do you already know what you want to do after school?”

Lenore shook her head. “I’m still figuring that out.”

“Do you get pressure from your parents about choosing something?” he asked before he leaned over and kissed her cheek. Just because he could. He really liked kissing her. 

She shook her head again. “They just want me to be happy.”

“That’s nice,” he murmured. Sometimes he envied his friends for their parents, but he never dwelled on it. It was something he just had to accept he would never be able to change. 

He pulled Lenore into another deep kiss before he growled, “Your lips are pretty addictive.”

Lenore giggled and tapped his lips. “So are yours.”

He leaned back, chuckling before he got out of the car, rounding it quickly so he could open the door for her again. He took her hand as he helped her out of the car and intertwined their fingers, guiding her towards the pizza place. He held the door open for her there too, and let her choose where to sit.

“You need to update me on what you like nowadays. I only remember that you played with those… little colorful ponies when we were kids. I guess that has changed,” Cas said curiously as he leaned over to look over the menu she was holding. There were two on the table, but Cas wanted an excuse to be close. 

Before they could continue their conversation the waitress took their orders, and Cas felt weirdly warm in his chest at the soft smile they received from sitting close like that.

Lenore smiled sweetly. “Well, I guess my interests aren’t all that different. I’ve really been getting into sci-fi. _Hitchhiker’s Guide_ and _The X-Files.”_

Cas raised an eyebrow in surprise. “That’s pretty awesome. I love _The X-Files_ and sci-fi.” He looped his arm around her shoulder. “I like Scully. She is pretty badass.”

“But Mulder...” She sighed dramatically as she braced her chin on her hand.

Cas chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. He is dreamy. The tortured lone wolf who is fighting alone against the world. Well, not _that_ alone anymore, but I’m pretty sure Mulder and Scully will get together at some point.”

Lenore shrugged as she leaned forward to take a sip of her Sprite. “I don’t know, it might ruin the dynamic.”

Cas tilted his head. “I think they are too professional to let that ruin anything. But I still think Chris Carter will wait ‘til the last episode to make them a couple. I mean, there is so much sexual tension between them. The staring and the touches. But I love the humor the most. Did you know Gillian really ate that bug in the Circus episode?” He knew he was going all fanboy on Lenore, but he didn't know many people who watched the show. 

She smiled and nodded. “She’s my hero.”

"You know because of her, I actually really thought of going into forensics instead of becoming a Doctor. But then... I like helping people that are still alive." He rubbed his thumb over her shoulder and leaned over to kiss her temple.

Lenore turned to face him more fully. “If you don’t have plans, maybe we could watch next week’s episode together?”

Cas raised his eyebrow before he smiled. "Yeah, sure! It's a date."

“I can’t believe I’m your first kiss,” she said with a soft chuckle. 

Cas rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. He hated lying to Lenore, so he tried to rephrase his answer. "If you don't count Paula kissing my cheek against my will, you're the first girl I’ve kissed. Pretty awesome first kiss, if you ask me."

Lenore pursed her lips in amusement. “You’re quite charming, Castiel.”

His cheeks were hurting from how often he found himself smiling, and he noticed that he hadn't thought of Dean for quite a while now. Maybe this was working. He really hoped so, because he didn't want to lose Dean as a friend, which he was pretty sure would happen if he continued to wallow in his feelings for him. "I think you're the first person who’s said that." He grabbed her hand and held it. "I'm really surprised you said yes to dating me."

“Can I tell you a secret?” she asked, voice soft and a little breathless.

"Of course, you can tell me anything," Cas replied with an equally soft voice, never breaking his gaze on her. And he meant it. He wanted Lenore to trust him.

Lenore’s cheeks flushed pink again. “I’ve had a crush on you since seventh grade. When you helped me carry in my science project.”

Cas forgot how to breathe for a moment as he stared at her. "Seriously? On me?" Which may have been a dumb question, but it was hard to believe. He was even more awkward in seventh grade than he was now. And that was saying something.

“You were kind to me, when everyone else called me bug-eyes or snaggletooth.” Lenore pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I never thanked you for that, by the way.”

Cas looked down at his lap with a smile. "You don't need to thank me for that. The others were just assholes." He shrugged before he looked up at her again, touching her cheek before he leaned in for a soft kiss. "And I liked you. Always have."

Lenore let out a contented sounding sigh against his lips. “I swear my cheeks will be permanently red.”

He slid his thumb over the soft skin of her cheek as he leaned back. "You look cute when you blush, so I'm not complaining."

“Just makes me blush more,” she chastised, as she gently pushed him away with a playful shove.

Cas chuckled and winked at her. They were interrupted when the waitress returned with their pizza and sodas. 

Cas felt happy. This date was going pretty well. He was glad he had given this a chance.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas smiled at the ceiling of his bedroom. He felt pretty good, considering how bad he had felt at the beginning of the day. His parents were out again for the night, but his mother had asked him earlier before they left the house, where he had been when he came home late from his date.

When he told her that he had a date with Lenore, his mother actually smiled at him. A legitimate smile! Cas hadn't seen that in a very long time. 

He was happy that, for once, a little pressure was off his chest. And the date couldn't have gone better. They had a lot of fun. Lenore was super easy to talk to, and he really liked how nice she was. And kissing her, holding her hand... it was just awesome.

He couldn't stop his thoughts going back to Dean though, wondering if things between them would be awkward after this morning. He felt embarrassed that he had been so emotional just because Dean couldn't come to his practice. It was stupid. 

It wasn't just that though. Rhonda’s catty comments had, against his will, also made him upset. Cas didn't want them to have sex. But maybe his stupid jealousy would be easier to bear now that he had a girlfriend. The important thing was that he wanted to be Dean’s best friend. And he hoped he hadn’t ruined that.

There was a noise against his window. Cas furrowed his brow, it sounded like someone was throwing pebbles against it. He got up from the bed and threw on a shirt before he stepped toward his window and opened it. 

It was Dean.

Dean was waving up at him with a dopey smile. “Finally! The first two windows I hit there was no response; I’m pretty sure they were empty rooms,” he called up to him.

Damn, he was lucky his parents weren't at home and his brother was on the other side of the house. "What are you doing here?" he asked, though he couldn't stop smiling. 

“I didn’t like how we left things, so I came to apologize. Can you forgive me for being a dumbass?” Dean was just under his window, carefully pulling at the ivy laden lattice adorning the walls.

"Dean..." He shook his head, embarrassed that he had made Dean feel bad about what happened. "Wait there. I'll come down, okay?"

“Wait, I wanna see if this can hold me,” he said as he actually started climbing the lattice.

Cas raised his eyebrow, leaning forward as he held out his hands to grab Dean as soon as he got within reach. "Fuck, Dean, be careful."

Dean grasped his hand as he smirked triumphantly. “Didn’t I tell you I’m actually Spiderman?”

"You're crazy." Cas pulled him through his window with a laugh as he overbalanced and stumbled backwards, Dean falling on top of him. He was still laughing, Dean's face close to his, mirroring his mirth. "Very crazy," he murmured.

“But you’re not pissed at me anymore, right?” Dean asked as he made no attempt to get off of him.

Cas slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. That wasn't my intention. I sometimes get these lows..."

Dean shrugged as he tapped his nose. “Still, I don’t want you to be upset with me, so I’ll do ridiculously heroic gestures until you forgive me.”

"There is nothing to forgive. I... I overreacted. It's alright, Dean. Don't worry. I'm not in any way angry with you," he replied softly. In the back of his mind he was a little preoccupied with how much he enjoyed Dean's weight on top of him.

“Just say you forgive me, Cas, and then I can let you up,” he said with a soft laugh.

Cas smirked at him. "That's not really an incentive."

Dean rolled his eyes and simply wiggled a little as though he was getting more comfortable. “Anyway, I called you earlier, but either your Mom or your maid answered and said you were on a date.”

"Maid and yes, I was out with Lenore." There was an immature part of him that hoped Dean would get at least a little jealous. Just how he had felt when Rhonda told him what she planned to do with Dean.

“Cute. The team captain and head cheerleader. You guys are gonna be Prom King and Queen, aren’t you?” Dean groaned dramatically. 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "It's not like that... I like her. She is nice and funny. And... I, um, I kissed her."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up; he looked impressed. “Look at you. And? Did you feel anything?”

Cas smiled up at him as he nodded. "Yeah, it was really nice. So I guess I'm not gay."

“Maybe you’re straight after all,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

"I wouldn't go that far," he mumbled with a lopsided grin. "I think I just like both."

“Well, seeing as you haven’t shoved me off of you yet…”

"It's actually kind of comfortable," Cas replied with a chuckle.

Dean leaned in, nudging his nose against Cas’s cheek before he whispered, “So, which do you like better? Boys or girls?”

_Dean,_ his mind unhelpfully supplied. Cas rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Dean, swiftly turning them around on the floor so he was on top of him. He leaned closer, nudging Dean’s cheek with his nose. “Depends,” he answered lowly.

“On?” Dean challenged with a quirked brow.

"On the person, I guess." He smirked, tapping Dean's nose the same way Dean had done.

Dean chuckled and nodded. “I’m proud of you.”

Cas tilted his head. "Why is that?" 

“From zero to sixty, it’s kinda hot.” Dean gave him an almost insecure smile.

He had no idea why the insecurity in Dean's voice made him feel brave suddenly as he leaned closer, whispering, "What about you? Which do you like better?"

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “I think I need more experience to really make that choice.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying Dean's fingers in his hair. He hummed, "Maybe it doesn't have to be a choice. Maybe you just like who you like."

Dean let out a soft laugh and shook his head in amazement. “You’re really really bad at reading hints, aren’t you?”

He tilted his head again, wondering what he had missed. "Yeah?" He squinted his eyes. "I guess you have to spell it out for me."

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled Cas closer before he leaned up to press his lips to Cas’s.

It was like a dam was breaking. Cas gasped into the kiss, grabbing Dean's cheek as he kissed him back with fervor. It lasted two seconds before his mind reminded him that he had wanted to stay friends with Dean, and he had a girlfriend now. He growled lowly as he pulled back from the kiss, breathing heavily as he looked at Dean. "Fuck, that feels as good as I remember."

Dean nodded and smirked as he waved for Cas to kiss him again. “Fuck yeah, it does.”

Cas hesitated. All he wanted was to kiss Dean again, but his dick was already reacting and he was only wearing boxer shorts that didn't exactly hide anything. "Dean, I really shouldn't," he murmured as he slid off of Dean, kneeling beside him.

“Oh, yeah, okay,” Dean murmured, tone insecure as he moved to sit up. “I wasn’t thinking.”

He shook his head, feeling his face grow way too warm. Fuck, he hoped he wasn’t blushing like Lenore. "It's okay... It's just, feels a bit too good... you know?"

Dean chuckled nervously. “And you’ve got a girlfriend.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, and that." He looked up at Dean with a sigh. "And we said we want to stay best friends. It's hard when... when..." He rolled his eyes over his own ineloquence. "What we do is very tempting. I've never been with another guy like this before, and the fact that you’re open to experimenting with me… It’s confusing.”

Dean nodded as he moved to sit cross-legged, bracing his elbows against his knees. “I thought that, uh… nevermind. Doesn’t matter.”

"What?" Cas asked, leaning forward as he put a hand on his own knee.

“Thought we were gonna make kissing a non-thing between us.” Dean’s lips were quirked in a half tilt as he shrugged.

"Yeah, I still want that, Dean... but... um, I wasn't just thinking of kissing when we did that, and..." He shrugged and looked down at his own boxer shorts before he added, "I didn't want this kiss to get out of hand and turn into an awkward situation."

Dean nodded and sighed. “So… this isn’t awkward right now?”

Cas let himself fall back on his back with a frustrated sigh. "I don't know. Yeah."

After a beat, Dean appeared and rested his head on Cas’s stomach as they ended up in an almost cross position. “How was practice?”

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair with a sigh. "Alright." He bit his lower lip before he admitted, "I missed you, though. How was detention?" _Ugh, seriously? Why are you asking a question you really don't want the answer to?_

Dean chuckled. “It was _nothing_ like _The Breakfast Club,_ so now I want to write John Hughes a strongly worded letter.”

Cas laughed lowly. "I could have told you that. I hope that means no more skipping class?" he asked hopefully.

“I’ll try and be a better student, but no promises,” Dean said as he looked up at Cas’s face.

Cas rubbed his fingers over Dean's cheek with a worried expression. "I just hate when you get in trouble. I don't know why."

Dean shrugged. “It’s cute.”

Cas scrunched up his nose before his finger slid over Dean's lips. They were as soft as Lenore's. He sighed deeply. "I thought you would say annoying, or call me a mother hen."

That was met with a smirk and soft laugh. “I think it’s sweet. Just don’t blame other people for my fuck ups and we’ll always be good.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment before he pursed his lips, trying to quell his anger. "Did she tell you?"

Dean furrowed his brow in bemusement. “What?”

"Rhonda?" Cas braced himself on his elbow. "That's why you're saying that. That I shouldn't blame her. Did she tell you about the fight I had with her?"

Dean moved to sit up as he turned to look at him, brow still quirked in bemusement. “What fight?”

He was surprised she hadn't told Dean about it, but then again she wouldn't have needed to. Cas shook his head. "I tried to talk to her and she was a bitch to me."

“I’m gonna need you to be a little more specific, Cas,” Dean said in a soft and confused tone.

Cas sat up and leaned back against the foot of his bed. "I just wanted to know what her deal was; If she cares about you. She told me in not so many words that I'm just jealous, and she would persuade you to have sex with her so your detention would be even longer." He shrugged/ "I know you think I'm blaming her for things, but that wasn't my intention when I talked to her. Sadly, she didn't get that at all."

Dean shook his head and let out a surprised scoff. “Well, that explains the blowjob then.”

He couldn't stop the sting in his chest at Dean's words. He looked down at his lap, biting his lower lip as he pressed his fingers into his legs so hard it hurt. It helped keep him focused, to keep his mask. "Yeah, well. I hope you didn't get caught," he breathed out. 

“We didn’t do it during detention.” 

"Yeah, um, good. I guess." He took in a deep breath and looked up at Dean, trying for a smile. "So, I guess you had a fun afternoon. Was it good?"

Dean nodded as he leaned back. “It really was. Like I’m not even mad that she probably only did it to prove something.”

_Of course you aren’t._ Cas gave him another smile, trying to mask his real feelings. "Was that your first time?"

“Yeah, full on cliche. Although I guess I’m still technically a virgin until I have actual sex, right?”

Cas shrugged. "I have no idea. You're definitely less virgin than me. But maybe that will change soon." Because now he was even more determined to have sex with Lenore. Just so he wouldn’t feel this heartache anymore. Lenore was awesome, and when he was with her he barely thought about Dean. It looked like his best option for getting over his stupid crush.

Dean looked impressed. “It’s that serious, huh?”

Cas shrugged, giving him a smile. "She told me she’s liked me since seventh grade. I had no idea. Our date was pretty awesome." He leaned his head back against his bed. "And when we kissed, I really felt ready to go further with her."

“Man, I was only half joking when I said you went from zero to sixty. Apparently I was on the mark.” Dean let out an impressed huff of laughter.

Cas nervously rubbed the back of his neck with a chuckle. "It's like you found my 'on' button. I never thought of trying this with anybody, and you showed me how amazing this actually feels, so... thank you. You helped me to finally not feel like a weirdo anymore."

Dean chuckled as he shook his head. “Don’t go full normal on me, that’s instant best friend jail right there.”

Cas laughed. "Yeah 'normal', that's not going to happen, Dean. I don't think I'm anywhere close to that."

“Good. Now say you forgive me, and I can crawl back out of your window so you can get some rest,” he said as he moved to stand up.

Cas stood up too and walked up to him before he drew him into a tight hug. In his mind he tried to say goodbye to the hope that they could be anything other than friends. "I forgive you," he murmured before he added, "Always." He leaned back and cupped his cheek, leaning in for a quick, soft kiss. "And you can use the door, you know? That’s why they are there."

Dean gave him one of his damnably charming smiles. “What’s cooler, though?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "I'll write that on your cast."

He pressed another kiss to his lips. Dean then hopped onto the windowsill and braced his hand on his hip, arm bent at an angle. “Because unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent,” he recited in a flawless British accent.

Cas gasped and held his hand in front of his mouth with a chuckle. Damn, if Dean kept this up, how would he ever get over his crush? “Goodbye, my hero."

“Farewell, Maiden.” Dean grunted lightly as he started climbing down. “Until I am able to lay mine eyes on your form again.”

"That's just disgusting, Dean," he replied dryly as he watched him climb down.

“Not like I threw my actual eyeballs at you,” Dean grunted dramatically as he jumped down the rest of the way, landing on his feet rather skillfully.

“Well, I never know with you." He chuckled as he waved at him, thinking, _That's what I love about you._

Dean chuckled and dusted himself off. “My parents are pissed, but they’re punishing me with extra chores, so I’ll make your practice tomorrow.”

He didn't want to hope. He just didn't want to be disappointed again. "Yeah, if you don't make it, it's okay. I bet you have more important things to do."

“Uh, uh. None of this. Don’t make me climb back up there.”

Cas shook his head. "I'm serious, Dean. Don't... don't worry about me."

Dean let out a deep sigh and started climbing the lattice again. “I warned you.”

Cas raised an eyebrow and laughed. "What are you..." He grabbed Dean again when he came within reach, but this time he minded his weight when he helped him over the sill. "You're crazy. Why did you come up here again?" 

Dean chuckled a little breathlessly before he cupped Cas’s face. “Tell me to be there tomorrow or you’ll be pissed at me. Do it.”

Cas swallowed dryly before he shook his head. "I can't," he breathed out.

“Yeah, you can. ‘Cause it’s true, isn’t it? You don’t have to pretend with me, Cas.”

Cas blinked as he slowly nodded, his voice barely above a whisper, "Yeah, it's true... I'm going to be pissed at you if you don't come." He bit his lip. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I want you to be there."

Dean gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Cas. I’ll try to not piss you off, ‘cause I like you. We’re friends, we gotta tell each other when we’re pissed as much as when we’re happy. Right?”

Cas grabbed his cheek, frowning as he tried to take in a calming breath. "But I don't feel like I have a right to feel that way. It wasn't your fault and... you didn't promise anything... I shouldn't be pissed..."

“Hey,” Dean hushed and nodded to him. “Sometimes we have wack-a-doo feelings and it’s okay, Cas. You like spending time with me and it’ll suck if I fuck that up because I’m acting like a jackass. I get it. I’d probably be just as pissed with you if you pulled that crap.”

"It would really mean a lot to see you at my next practice. I think I’ll play much better if I know you're there, watching me." He felt his face growing hot, and he hoped he hadn't said something totally stupid.

Dean’s smile softened. “Done.”

Cas licked over his suddenly too dry lips, looking away from Dean's beautiful eyes. "Thank you."

“Besides, I can’t even count how many movies I’m gonna make you watch.” 

Cas grinned at him. "And since you already made me watch _Pretty Woman_ , you owe me, Winchester."

Dean smirked. “Next up, I think you’re gonna be forced to watch _Casablanca.”_

"Uhh, is that in black in white?" Cas asked as he scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“Oh, yeah. Humphrey Bogart, classic imagery. I can’t wait to make you watch it.” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

"If you fall asleep while watching me play, I will strangle you." He threatened him with a smirk. “I at least deserve some cheering from you for black and white.”

Dean chuckled. “I think you’re confusin’ me with your girlfriend. She’s probably a lot cuter than I would be in that little uniform.”

Cas stepped closer, cupping his cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to Dean's lips, chuckling. "Now I can't stop imagining you in a skirt." 

“Oh, man. Not sure I could pull it off,” Dean murmured as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, their foreheads now braced against each other.

"I don't know. I think you would look sexy in anything," he murmured with a smile, his fingers sliding down Dean's sides before he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. 

Dean let out a soft laugh. “Or nothing, right?”

Cas couldn't help but imagine Dean in nothing, wondering if those cute freckles were all over his body. "Exactly," he replied, one hand wandering up Dean's back and into his hair. 

“Girlfriend, Cas, remember?” Dean murmured a little breathlessly, like he didn’t really want to say it.

Cas took in a deep breath and nodded, hesitantly letting go of Dean. "Yeah, sorry..." He looked up at him with a smile. "Maybe you could stop being sexy for a second? I'm just a man."

Dean let out a soft scoff before he yanked him into a quick kiss. “Same here.”

Cas cupped Dean's face and drew him into another kiss, enjoying the way Dean's lips felt against his own. It was so hard to stop, and he easily gave into the temptation as he licked over Dean's lips.

When he let out a shaky exhale, he bent to Cas’s whim and just let go, like a dam bursting.

"Fuck," Cas gasped out as he gently pushed Dean against the wall, deepening their kiss. He could feel himself getting hard and there was nothing he could do about it. He leaned back, pressing his forehead against Dean’s as he gasped out, "Damn it. Sorry."

Dean nodded and chuckled breathlessly. “I should go.”

“Yeah," he breathed out, "before I do something stupid and pull you into my bed with me." 

Dean let out an exaggerated gasp. “Castiel, what sort of boy do you take me for?” he asked in a strangely natural southern drawl.

That sounded very sexy. He hummed as he rubbed his thumb over Dean's cheek. "A boy that, just a second ago, was pretty okay with kissing me."

Dean shrugged in acquiescence. “Got me. Okay, I’m really gonna let you rest now.” He moved to climb over the ledge again. He was then eyeline with Cas’s crotch. Dean waggled his eyebrows and said with a knowing smirk, “Sweet dreams.”

Cas tried to be cool about it, since Dean obviously didn't mind. "Yeah, I will." He knew he would probably get off to thoughts of Dean before he drifted to sleep, and he tried to not feel guilty about it. “You, too.”

Dean chuckled and said, “I definitely will.” With another grunt and swing he was on the ground again. “See you tomorrow. Sinner.”

"It's only a sin if you think you shouldn't do it." He grinned as he waved at Dean. "See you tomorrow."

“That seems like far too wide a net, religion is weird,” he murmured in amazement as he waved to Cas and winked before he made his way to the street.

Cas watched after him with a smile, even after Dean was long gone and out of sight. He chuckled and shook his head as he made it back to his bed. Damn, he was so fucked. So much for getting rid of his crush on Dean.

Weirdly enough, he couldn't feel bad about it as he slumped down on his bed, pushed his fingers into his boxer shorts and started to stroke his erection, eyes fluttering closed. It was what it was. He was in love with Dean Winchester. And who knew how long it would take for him to grow out of it? In the meantime, he tried to not feel guilty about the fact that he thought of Dean, lying in bed with him. That he recalled the taste of his lips, how they felt against his own. That he imagined Dean's hand on his cock as he stroked himself harder. He came ridiculously fast, wiping away the proof with tissues from his nightstand. 

Fuck, he really had it bad. But the main thing was, Dean still wanted to be his best friend.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had been better about not getting in trouble, ergo not upsetting Cas by not making it to his practices. With the exception of days he got wrangled into having to take care of Sam ‘cause their parents had a date, or went out of town, Dean hadn’t missed a single practice. So much so that Luke started referring to him as, “Dean-a, the faggy wannabe cheerleader.” 

Which honestly didn’t bother him as much as it bothered Cas. And it really did. He’d benched Luke after one volatile comment, and Dean couldn’t help but smirk in satisfaction. But still, it didn’t leave Dean feeling annoyed or upset. No, what did was how much shit Rhonda gave him for it. Whether it was the weird tension between her and his best friend, or if it was the fact that he was spending time away from her, Dean couldn’t be certain.

They had never verbalized what they were to each other. Dean and Rhonda had been fooling around pretty much since that time they had detention. To such an extent, she had every intention of taking his virginity the upcoming weekend. But there had been no clear line drawn in regards to what they were to each other. 

He asked her once if she was his girlfriend, and she laughed it off with a shrug as she said, “Sure, Savage.”

So, Dean sort of had a girlfriend. Which was great, and not just because Cas had one too. One that he was spending more and more time with. 

Dean wasn’t jealous at all. Not even a little bit.

It was the first game of the season, a home game in their gym against their – apparently well known – rivals, the Lincoln Leviathans. Dean had never been to a basketball game and he barely understood the rules, even months after watching Cas at practice. Dean knew the basics. The ball went into the hoop and the team that did it more won the game. 

And in Dean’s defense, it wasn’t really his fault that most of the time he just ended up watching Cas play. He was pretty entrancing to watch. The sheer joy and freedom on his face when he ran with the ball, sweat slicked brow being the only thing to tame his petrified hedgehog locks. And even then not so much.

It was a brisk November day and the gym was packed with spectators. So many students and parents. Dean scanned the stands; his brother was there with Gabe a few bleachers away. Several of Cas’s school friends, but no sign of his parents. Dean shook his head in displeasure. 

When Dean’s parents came in through the doors, they immediately saw him and started heading in his direction, and Dean adamantly shook his head. He loved his parents, but not enough to sit with them at a school related function. Mom nodded and guided Dad to where Sam and Gabe were goofing around. 

Dean was periodically sneaking closer and closer to the court, until he finally snagged a spot just behind the benches where the players were seated, getting ready for the game. Cas was looking very serious as he talked to his teammates, that was until he caught Dean’s eye and gave him a beaming smile. 

And just like the goofy nerd with a crush, Dean waved to him, eliciting a cruel snicker from Luke. Cas immediately put him in his place before he flashed Dean a small smile. Dean loved those little smiles. It was almost like they were made just for him. He was so immersed in his pleasant reverie that when a whistle was blown and some guy started talking into a microphone, he visibly startled. 

Which prompted all of the people in the stands to start cheering. When Cas ran out to the court with his team, Dean whooped for him, but it was drowned out by the cheerleaders, who simultaneously erupted into a chant for the team. Cas locked eyes with Lenore, the pair of them sharing a lingering gaze, and Dean felt that damn pit in his stomach again.

The feeling didn’t last long when the game started and he was completely enraptured with watching Cas. If seeing him in practice was a sight, an actual game was a whole new level. Cas had an actual, legitimate game face. His features were in a stern and concentrated expression when he stole the ball from the other team and easily crossed the court, reaching the back corner and tossing the ball into the hoop with such ease, it was damn impressive. Cas was fast and fierce on the court, and Dean was feeling remarkably warm. He shrugged off his coat as he whooped for his best friend, totally dominating the court like it was his job.

Thanks to Cas and Stephen, they were wiping the floor with the Leviathans. When the buzzer dinged for the end of the first quarter, Cas made his way to the bench to grab a bottle of gatorade, and before Dean could even think about leaving his seat to tell Cas what a great job he was doing, Lenore had departed the giggly girl group and gently touched Cas’s shoulder.

The smile he rewarded her with was breathtaking. Dean hadn’t really seen Cas interact with Lenore much and he was suddenly grateful for that. When she leaned in to kiss him, Dean had to refrain from throwing Rhonda’s lighter, that somehow found its way into his pocket, at the two of them. What sucked even more was when Cas drew back and he cupped Lenore’s face. 

He had never been more grateful for the fact that this weekend he was going to officially lose his virginity. Dean needed to get the weird thoughts and feelings out of his damn head. 

They were interrupted by Stephen, who jumped Cas and whispered something in his ear, making Cas laugh and playfully push him away. 

For a moment Lenore looked out of place before she shyly waved at them, and went back to the other cheerleaders. Cas looked like he had forgotten that she was there, his attention completely on Stephen as he talked with him. He grabbed his drink again before his eyes searched for Dean, giving him another soft smile and shy wave when their eyes locked.

And suddenly the annoyance was gone. Dean returned the smile and gave him a thumbs up, before he pointed to where his parents and brother were sitting.

Cas looked confused before he turned around and looked in the direction he was pointing. When he looked back at Dean he seemed surprised and definitely more confused, his eyes full of questions.

Dean grinned and pointed at him, silently communicating that they were there for Cas.

Cas’s eyes widened for a moment before he slowly shook his head and turned away from him to look at Dean’s parents again. Of course they waved at Cas as soon as he was looking. 

Cas looked like he was frozen to the ground before he slowly held up his hand and waved back. Dean could see him rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes before Stephen jumped him again like a hyperactive bouncing ball, seemingly ending Cas’s paralysis. Cas wrapped his arm around Stephen and pulled him closer, whispering something in his ear. For a moment Stephen looked serious for a change before he smiled and nodded, slapping Cas's shoulder with a grin.

Dean shook his head in amused confusion, brow quirked as he shrugged in question. 

Cas just gave him another soft smile, mouthing, _‘thank you,’_ before his concentration went back to the team.

The next twenty odd minutes were a blur of Cas kicking some serious ass on that court. Dean was mesmerized by his speed. When Cas pulled his jersey up to wipe his brow, Dean’s mouth went dry. Cas was hiding some insane abdominal muscles. And his stomach was more tan than Dean’s face. 

When Cas caught him staring, he smirked and proceeded to demolish the Leviathans. By the end of the game, they had won by a forty point lead, which caused the entirety of the attendees to lose their friggin’ minds. 

Stephen slapped Cas’s ass before he bro-hugged him, and Cas slapped his shoulder before he went over to the Leviathan’s team Captain to shake his hand and exchange a few words. 

Dean grabbed his jacket and was about to get on the court to congratulate Cas, when suddenly Lenore darted forward and practically jumped into Cas’s arms. It was a punch to the gut. Dean wasn’t that for Cas. He would never get to be that for Cas, and watching as his cute, cheerleader girlfriend giggled and pressed a kiss to his sweaty cheek, made that all the more painfully obvious.

In the hubbub and din of the crowds, people congratulating the players, or dispersing to leave; Dean managed to slip out among the crowd. While the gym had been warm, it was rather cold outside, so he pulled his coat on and made his way to the main road. 

“Dean!” It was Cas’s voice calling after him. He was still wearing his shorts and jersey despite the fact that it was freezing outside. “Hey.” He stopped in front of him, clearly out of breath. “I saw you leaving… and…”

“Dude, you’re insane, why did you come out here without clothes?”

Cas looked down at himself, his cheeks red from either being embarrassed or the cold. “I didn’t think,” he breathed out. “I just wanted to, um, tell you… um, thank you for coming.”

Dean smiled and took off his jacket, handing it to Cas. “You were awesome.”

Cas slung the jacket around his shoulders with a grateful smile and huddled closer. “Thank you. I was pretty motivated.”

“To be the big, bad captain winning the first game of the season?” Dean teased, wrapping his arm around Cas.

Cas chuckled and pressed his face against his shoulder. “No… to show my best friend that I’m not always clumsy and stumble over my own feet or new students.”

Dean smiled and leaned his head on Cas’s. “And impress your girlfriend.”

Cas leaned back with a frown. “Weirdly enough I don’t feel the need to impress her.” He squinted his eyes at Dean. “Did your parents really come because of me?”

Dean chuckled and nodded. “I didn’t even know they were coming. Been talkin’ about the game all week, and apparently they thought that meant they should come and try to embarrass me. And shut up, you were totally impressing your girlfriend.”

“Lenore already likes me, and it's not the first time we wiped a team since she’s been on the squad.” Cas looked away for a moment, murmuring, “And it makes sense that they came because of you. Your parents are really nice.”

“Cas,” Dean started as he gripped his chin to turn his face back, “they came for you. To root for you.”

Cas just blinked at him. “Why?”

Dean shook his head in bemusement. “What do you mean, why? To support you, doofus.”

Cas’s eyes started to tear up before he pulled away from Dean and turned around. “I, um, I should go back…”

“Cas?” Dean gently turned him back to face him. “You okay?”

Cas nodded before he shook his head and wrapped his arms around Dean, burying his face against his throat. “My parents never watched any of my games,” he murmured after a moment.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and held him. “Their loss. You’re amazing,” he whispered into his ear. 

Cas tightened his grip around Dean before he chuckled and pulled back, rubbing his hand over his eyes. “So stupid. I should be used to this by now. I'm sorry for being such a mess.”

“Hey, stop apologizing. I’m sorry your parents suck.” Dean chucked his chin and gave him a soft smile. 

Their eyes locked and Cas’s smile slipped from his lips as he leaned forward to press a quick, soft kiss to his lips. “Thank you, you have no idea how much it meant to me that you were here tonight.”

Dean cupped Cas’s cheek and shook his head. “I’ll definitely be at every home game. It was fun to watch you in action.”

That seemed to remind Cas of something when his eyes widened and he smirked suddenly. “Yeah, I noticed you watching me.”

He gently pushed Cas away. “Shut up.”

Cas gently pushed back with a teasing smile. “But I wanted to know what you found so fascinating under my jersey?”

Dean pursed his lips and rolled his eyes. He then pinched Cas’s side. “I think you’re putting on weight.”

Cas gasped in playful shock before he grabbed the hem of his jersey and pulled it up to reveal his stomach. “Where?”

Well, the joke was on Cas. Dean might have reverted to the lizard brain version of himself, but he was the one getting the show. He stepped in and braced his hand on the meat of his wickedly sharp hip bone. “Here.”

Cas hummed as he looked down at himself. “Are you sure?” He slid his own fingers slowly over his own abdomen, following the lines of the muscles. “I think your eyes wandered around here?” 

Dean tongued his canine and leaned in, sliding his hand to Cas’s front, taking a quick look around to make sure no one could see them. “You’re like a magazine cut out.”

“Does it qualify for a poster in your room?” Cas asked with a smile, leaning closer as he pressed his perfect body against Dean’s palm.

Shit, it qualified for just above his bed on the ceiling. Dean wanted so much in that moment, but the sound of laughter made them jump apart, and Cas pulled down his shirt. Dean chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Something like that.”

Cas chuckled nervously and grinned at him, while his hair finally started defying gravity again. He slipped out of Dean's jacket to give it back. “Good to know, I should head back and shower. See you tomorrow in our hideout?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I’ll have to ditch you a little early though.”

“Meeting Rhonda?” Cas asked quietly.

“Yeah, uh… she wanted to do it tonight, but… you had dibs.” Dean gave him a reassuring smile. Rhonda was a testy subject for Cas, but he was determined to make it work, balancing his best friend and sort of girlfriend.

Cas returned his smile, but Dean could see that it was just for show. “Yeah, okay… I guess I’ll spend my night with Lenore then. We haven’t had much opportunity with all the additional practice.”

He didn’t know if Cas threw Lenore in his face as retaliation or to make himself feel better; either way, Dean didn’t like it. “But your afternoon belongs to me.”

Cas cupped Dean's cheek with a smile. "Dean, you'll always be my priority."

“Back at ya’, Cas.” Dean nodded in the direction of the gym. “Go shower, smelly.”

Cas, the crazy person, lifted his shirt again to smell it before he faked falling unconscious from his own smell. “Uhh, how did you survive hugging me?” He laughed before he winked at him and walked backwards to the gym.

Dean sighed as he watched his retreating form. He really, _really_ needed to see Rhonda.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas couldn’t help the probably evil smile when he noticed Dean being too occupied with shoveling snow from the driveway to notice him. He grabbed some snow from a fence to form it into a snowball, trying to ignore how instantly cold his fingers got when he pulled them out of his jacket. He then waited for the right moment before he threw the snowball directly against the back of Dean’s neck, making the snow slide down into his jacket.

Dean practically yelped as he flipped around to see who got him. He looked pissed until his eyes landed on Cas. He chuckled and shook his head as he bent down and grabbed an arm full of snow before he started to slowly approach. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Cas chuckled and held up his hands, trying to look innocent. “It wasn’t me!”

That was met with a quirked brow and disbelieving scoff as Dean drew closer, still trying to mold his amount of snow into a circular shape. “You’re a terrible liar.”

Cas walked backwards, gathering snow from a fence to make a new snowball. “Is that really what you want, Dean?” He smirked.

Before Dean could answer, he charged forward and smashed the snow between them, trying to shove some down Cas’s shirt.

Dean was partially successful, but Cas grabbed him and turned him around, holding him in a deadlock against his chest before he pressed the snow against Dean’s cheek, growling into his ear. “I’m just cooling you down.”

“Oh, thank you,” he returned sarcastically as he started shoving back into Cas, trying to buck him off.

Cas tightened his grip around him and swiped the rest of the snow away from his face with his other hand. “You’re welcome.” He chuckled. “Do you need help with snow shoveling?”

Dean craned his neck to try and look back at Cas. “Well, yeah. I’m being held against my will, so I can’t do it.”

“I would consider letting you go,” Cas replied thoughtfully, rubbing his thumb over Dean’s cold cheek. “But I think I’ll keep you.”

In that moment, Dean widened his stance and bent over, pulling Cas off of the ground as he started walking to the large pile of snow. “Looks like I’ve got you.”

Cas chuckled as he tried to get in a better position, wrapping his arms and legs around him. “That totally works, too.”

His nervousness about meeting Dean today lessened a little with the playfulness between them. He had a Christmas gift for Dean, and he really hoped Dean would like it and wouldn’t find it weird. 

Dean laughed before he spun them around and fell backwards into the snow pile, then flipped around and straddled Cas’s hips. “I win,” he said with a breathy chuckle.

Cas didn’t even try to free himself. He just contentedly grinned up at him. “You did,” he replied softly. “I guess I'm your prisoner now.”

Dean grinned and nodded as he leaned in closer, tightening his grip on Cas’s wrists. He hummed thoughtfully before he whispered, “And what should I do with you?”

Cas chuckled. “Well, you caught me, so I guess you already had an idea.”

There was a breathy chuckle that reverberated through his ear. “Come up to my room.”

“Sure,” Cas replied. “Help me up?”

Dean shrugged before he pushed himself off of Cas and then reached out for his hand.

Cas grabbed it and let himself get pulled up, right into Dean’s space. It was still so difficult to look away from Dean’s face. How the cold had colored his cheeks red and his eyes looked bright green, reflecting the bright snow around them. He was beautiful. “Hey,” he murmured breathlessly. 

The soft smile that he received was his favorite type of his best friend’s smiles. A fondness, a warmth, like he only saw Cas. “Hey.”

Cas leaned over and hugged him tightly, his cheek touching Dean's. It was cold. "We should really get you inside and warm you up. Come on." 

Dean nodded against him and started pushing him towards the front door. “If you’re good, there might even be a hot chocolate for you in the deal.”

"I'm always good," Cas replied with an excited smile. "And I'm very convinced that chocolate is magical." He resisted the urge to take Dean's hand when they walked up to his house. Instead he playfully pushed Dean's shoulder with his own.

When they got inside, Dean swiftly grabbed Cas’s scarf and wrapped it over his eyes. “Race ya,” he murmured before he heard footsteps stomping up the stairs.

Cas shook his head and slowly pulled out of his wet boots at the door before he hung up his wet coat and scarf on the hanger. He pulled out the gift that he had wrapped in a page of a car magazine from his coat pocket, and hid it behind his back as he followed Dean up to his room with a pounding heart. 

_Calm down. It's not a big thing. You got him a gift. So what?_ He tried to calm himself as he slowly walked into Dean's room.

When he stepped inside, Dean was standing in the middle of the room, holding a small box that was poorly wrapped. Incredibly so. Dean flashed him an earnest smile and said, “It’s not much, and buying a gift for Batman is harder than I thought, but… merry Christmas, Cas.”

"Y–you bought me a gift?" Cas stuttered before he blinked and walked up to Dean, holding out the gift he had bought for Dean. "Um, merry Christmas to you, too." He grinned as they exchanged them. 

Dean smiled and took the gift, his expression even softer. “Bought’s a loose term. Open together? At the same time?”

"Alright." He started to unwrap Dean's gift, while stealing glances at Dean. He couldn't decide where to look, because he wanted to see Dean's reaction, but he was also curious about his own gift. 

It was a mixtape. He couldn't help but smile when he noticed what Dean had labeled the tape. 

"For the continued education of Castiel: chick flick soundtrack edition." He read out loud with a smile. He still couldn't believe Dean made a mixtape for him. He knew Dean hadn't meant it in a romantic way, but that didn't stop him picturing it, before he looked up to see if Dean had unwrapped his gift.

Dean was examining the gift with a bemused smile. “You got me a rock?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "It's the moon. Remember that I told you hanging it over the tree house would be too flashy? So I got you a smaller version. It's a moonstone."

Dean’s eyes widened as he looked down, a smile curling his lips upwards. He shook his head in amazement and yanked Cas forward, pressing a kiss to his lips. He murmured, “I love it.”

His lips still tingled, and Cas couldn't stop smiling, happy that Dean liked his gift. He used the opportunity for another quick kiss as he pulled him closer and murmured, "I love mine, too. Please tell me the song from the _Breakfast Club_ is on it."

“Do I look like an amateur?” he challenged as he leaned forward, snaking his hand past Cas to close his bedroom door. Dean pressed another kiss to Cas’s lips before he whined, “Do you have to go to the Hamptons with your parents for Christmas?”

Cas scrunched up his nose. "I fear that is non-negotiable. My parents want to show off my brother Michael. So Gabriel and I have to stand in the background and smile." He hated everything about this and he wished he could stay. He slid his fingertips down Dean's sides and kissed him again. "The only time I was ever allowed to stay behind was when I had the flu."

Dean chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “We could go walk around the hospital until you catch something?”

"Or we could go out for a snowball fight and I’ll stay in my cold wet clothes for another two hours. That would probably work," he suggested as he massaged his fingers into Dean's lower back.

There was a soft groan of appreciation before Dean almost collapsed against him. “Damn, Cas. You’re good at that.”

Cas leaned his head against Dean's cheek with a soft smile, as he worked his fingers up Dean's back. "I actually taught myself, because I sometimes get problems with my muscles when I overdo it at practice. I'm glad it also works on other people."

Dean hummed in acknowledgement or maybe agreement, he couldn’t tell. “You should do this for a living.”

Cas shook his head. "I’d rather become a doctor. Then I can heal a lot more than just tense muscles. Also, I wouldn't want to do this for everyone. Just special people." He slid his hand up to the back of Dean's neck before gently following the line of his spine down with his fingertips, wishing he could feel Dean's skin. 

“Guess that makes me special?” he asked in a half chuckle, half groan.

"I thought you already knew that," Cas replied, using both hands now to massage the tenseness out of the muscles next to Dean's spine

Dean groaned again. “I’m gonna fall asleep.”

"You can fall asleep standing upright?" Cas asked with a chuckle as he hesitantly drew away.

“No, but damn…” Dean breathed out a chuckle as he turned around and pulled Cas onto his bed. He collapsed against the mattress, patting the space next to him.

Cas bit his lower lip as he laid down beside Dean. "But what?" He grinned teasingly.

“That was super relaxing, I might have.” He turned onto his side to face Cas. “When are you abandoning me?”

"Tomorrow," Cas replied quietly, looking down between them before he playfully drew lines on the back of Dean's hand.

Dean smiled sadly. “And I’m guessing seeing you off with big obnoxious signs would probably just get you in trouble, huh?”

Cas gave him a half smirk as he nodded. "Yeah, very probably. Guess we should carpe the fuck out of diem."

“So, what’s the plan then? Perform a series of bank heists and run away together, the modern day Bonnie and Clyde?” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

Running away together sounded more tempting than Dean probably knew. Cas scrunched up his nose. "Nah, too risky to rob a bank. Can we just run away and I’ll try to earn money by giving massages?"

Dean chuckled. “You can give massages. Not sure what I’m good at.”

"You're probably pretty good at charming people into wanting a massage and paying way too much money for it. You could be my agent." Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean's hand, smiling up at him.

“Sounds perfect. Us against the world.”

"No one can stop us." Cas nodded, and he believed that. He knew he had found a friend in Dean who would always be there for him. Like he would be there for Dean.

And that was probably the greatest gift of all.


	2. 1996 - No Diggity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, we want to warn/apologize for the sheer amount of homophobic language in this chapter, unfortunately with this set in the 90’s, it was included for time period realness. Hopefully the warning prepares you enough to not be jarred by it. This chapter is fucking heavy, man. In good and bad ways, but a lot of the trigger tags are in this chapter, and that’s probably one of the reasons why this chapter is 66k. So, buckle in, kids.
> 
> (The longest chapter of the series, they progressively shorten going forward).

**1996 - No Diggity**

Cas had his eyes closed, enjoying the warm rays of sunshine on his face while he relaxed on the bleachers during lunch break. Lenore had told him to meet her there, but apparently she was running late. 

It was a really nice day. Birds were singing, the sun was shining, he hadn’t been a virgin for over three months. Everything was perfect. Except that he was still in love with Dean, and not his girlfriend.

And it bothered him. He had hoped that having sex with Lenore would change that, but after a few times, he had lost interest. Not in sex in general, but in making out with her. He loved hanging out with her though. She always managed to make him smile, and he had some of his greatest discussions about politics with her. Lenore had always been very engaged, especially when it came to helping others. And it was fun to support her in that. 

But his feelings for her, they sadly never changed to anything beyond friendship. 

He felt guilty about still being with her, but he also didn’t want to break up with her. His parents finally stopped treating him like he was a complete freak; at least now they seemed to be relieved that he had a girlfriend.

A shadow fell over his face and he blinked up against the dark shape. It was Lenore standing next to him. She looked serious, like something was wrong. 

He sat up with a frown before he hugged her quickly as she sat next to him. "Hey, are you okay?"

Lenore chewed on her bottom lip and sighed, looking away for a moment. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately…”

Cas raised an eyebrow. That didn't sound good. "Okay?" he asked carefully.

After a beat of silence and a deep breath, she finally looked up at him. “Do you love me?”

Cas swallowed dryly. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. And he knew that Lenore deserved honesty from him. "Yes... but... I think I love you like a friend."

That was met with a soft sigh as she nodded. “I thought as much. You seemed… off after we had sex.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck with a deep sigh. "I'm sorry... You're like the best girlfriend someone could wish for, and I guess... I just thought I would love you at some point as more than a friend."

Lenore flashed him a sad smile. “Can I ask you something you might not want to answer?”

"Of course," he replied quietly, although he was afraid of the question.

She looked around to make sure they were alone before she whispered, “Are you gay?”

Cas raised his eyebrows, his own gaze wandering over to the bleachers to see if they were alone. "No!" he replied quickly, and maybe a little too loudly. "Why does everyone think that?" He bit his lip and looked at his lap. _Fuck._ If even Lenore thought that, then it wouldn’t be long before his parents were at his throat again.

Lenore grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “Because you’re the only teenage boy I’ve met that had sex and didn’t want to keep having sex. If that’s what you need to say, if that’s what you need me to believe, I’ll believe you. But… it’s okay.”

Cas closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "You've met my parents. Of course you know that would be a big problem for me, but I'm telling you the truth. I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. I find you very attractive and seeing you naked… well, it definitely worked for me. You know I was never really interested in girls before you, and I’m also not interested in boys. I don’t know why… I know I’m weird.”

Lenore sighed and nodded. “Okay, Castiel. Well, I hope we can still be friends?” she asked hopefully.

Cas grabbed Lenore's hand and squeezed. "I would be devastated if we stopped being friends."

She offered him a soft smile. “Me too.”

Cas tilted his head and gave her a long look. "You don't believe me, do you? About me not being gay?"

Lenore shook her head. “I believe you, if that’s what you need me and yourself to believe. But if that changes, you won’t lose me as a friend. I hope you know that.”

Cas bit his lower lip and looked away for a moment. He knew he could trust Lenore and maybe... maybe he needed someone to confide in. "I... I have feelings for someone," he admitted quietly.

Her smile turned knowing. “Dean?”

Cas gave her an embarrassed smile before he nodded. "I'm trying to get over it, but it isn't easy."

“I knew it,” she said with a chuckle. “You two are weirdly close, you know… for boys.”

Cas grinned, rubbing the back of his neck again. "Yeah, I know... we're best friends but... It's more than that. I don't know. It's pretty special." He turned towards her with a serious look. "And no one can know."

Lenore pulled an invisible zipper closed against her lips. “I promise, your secret is safe with me.”

"Thank you." He flashed her a hesitant smile before he added, "I'm sorry for everything. I hope you don't think I led you on. I genuinely wanted to try this. I thought if it didn’t work with you, it won’t work with anyone."

“Thank you for being honest with me.” Lenore grasped his hand again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted.”

"Me too." He touched her cheek, a wistful gesture. "You have no idea how much I wished for this to work. You're an amazing girlfriend."

Lenore smiled bashfully and ducked his gaze. “Thank you, Castiel. I think this showed me I want more than just being someone’s wife and I’m grateful for that.” She turned back to look at him and added, “And if you want to tell your parents we’re still together, I’m okay with doing the pretend thing again.”

Cas’s eyes widened. "Really? That would be a great help! You have no idea!" He knew he sounded over enthusiastic. "I mean, only if you're sure."

That was met with a soft laugh. “Of course. You’re one of my best friends.”

Cas drew her into a tight hug. "Thank you so much, Lenore." He let go of her after a moment, feeling lighter. It was nice to know he had someone he could trust with his secrets. And he felt better now that he could be completely honest with Lenore.

“You’re welcome,” she murmured before she looked back at the school. “I’ve got a student council meeting soon. But maybe, if you want, we could still meet up for our weekly _X-Files_ dates?”

He grinned. "Of course I want to. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Lenore returned the smile and pressed a kiss to his cheek before she stood up. “Good. I’ll order pizza if you bring the candy.”

"Deal," he replied before he saw Dean, jumping on the bleachers and walking up to them. He waved at him with a grin before he looked back at Lenore. "Thank you... for being my friend."

“That’s pretty easy.” She gave him a knowing look before she waved at Dean and turned to go back to the school. “See you on Friday,” she called out over her shoulder.

In that moment, Dean slumped against Cas’s back with a chuckle. “Did I interrupt a _date?”_

Cas looked after her for a moment before he leaned back against Dean with a sigh. "No, she dumped me."

“Shit, Cas,” Dean murmured as he hugged him from behind. “What happened?”

Cas melted into the hug, closing his eyes for a moment. "We decided to just be friends, but she agreed to help me keep up the illusion in front of my parents."

Dean leaned over to look at his face. “That’s cool of her.”

"Yeah." He gave him a quick smile. "She's pretty awesome."

“You okay? You don’t seem that torn up about it.”

Cas frowned. "Why wouldn't I be okay? We had a very nice conversation about it. And it makes sense that we’ll continue being friends instead of more."

Dean quirked his brow, lips tilted in evident bemusement. “Most people are a little sad when they get dumped.”

"I'm not most people," Cas replied dryly. And he wasn't sad. He actually felt relieved. Cas didn't lie to Lenore about his feelings, and now he had a confidant. 

In the future he wouldn't make the same mistake again. As long as he had feelings for Dean, he wouldn't have a girlfriend. If he wanted sex, it needed to be casual, without any romance involved.

Dean chuckled and moved to sit next to him. He draped his legs over Cas’s lap. “Well, if you need a pick-me-up, I’ll cancel on Rhonda tonight.”

Not that he needed a pick-me-up, but if it meant he could spend time with Dean, the added bonus of him cancelling on Rhonda, Cas wasn’t about to say no. "Well, when you put it like that… I could use some distraction. Also, my parents are home, so any excuse not to spend time there would be appreciated."

“Done. You, me, and some junk food in my room after school?”

Cas nodded, probably giving Dean a rather big, stupid smile. “Thank you.” 

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Of course. You always come first for me.”

He hoped his smile wasn’t too dopey as he leaned back and blinked at the sun, his hands running over Dean's legs. He may not be Dean's boyfriend, but what they had was pretty awesome. "Are things with you and Rhonda still okay?" he asked quietly.

That was met with a soft bark of laughter before Dean shrugged. “I mean, we’re not like a real couple, but the sex is good, so…”

"So... you don't have feelings for her?" 

“Well, I mean… I like her? But do I love her? Nah. Besides, Mom and Dad can’t stand her, so it’s not like she’s someone I’m gonna spend the rest of my life with.”

That was news to Cas. He had a very hard time hiding the glee at hearing Dean's parents didn't like Rhonda. _Well, welcome to the club._ But at least Dean didn't love her. That somehow appeased him. 

"Shame," he replied dryly, biting back the smile.

Dean chuckled and pinched Cas’s side. “I’m sure you’re devastated.”

"Ouch." Cas chuckled as he playfully shoved at Dean. "Obviously. Very devastated. I knew it would show."

“That’s another reason we won’t work, my best friend hates her.” 

It wasn't easy, not feeling special when Dean made comments like that, but he also felt a little guilty. Cas bit his lip as he turned to Dean with a sheepish grin. "Just because I don't like her, doesn't mean anything. I mean, it shouldn't influence you."

Dean shrugged. “It’s not about that, it’s more if you don’t like who I’m dating, there’s probably something I’m not seeing, you know?”

Cas frowned before he tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

“Well, you’re the best person I know. If you don’t like someone, there’s gotta be a reason.”

The heat rushed his cheeks and Cas hoped they weren’t red. "That's..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I was never used as a measurement system for taste before." He chuckled nervously.

Dean smirked. “Well, I think it’s a great measurement system.” He looked back to the main street behind the school before his smirk turned evil. “Have you ever ditched, Cas?”

"Of course not." Cas gave him a pointed look. "My parents would skin me alive."

“Not if they don’t find out,” Dean said mysteriously as he stood up and held his hand out to Cas. 

"How wouldn't they find out? The school will call them if I'm not at class."

“Oh, ye of little faith.” Dean chuckled as he nodded to the payphone on the corner of the main road.

Cas wasn’t okay with doing it, but he knew he couldn't say no to Dean. The truth was, he would probably do anything Dean asked of him. "Okay," he replied hesitantly. "What's your plan?"

Dean grinned. “I’m gonna call the office, as your Dad, excusing you for the day. You’ll call as my Dad, and you and me will paint the town.”

"Paint the town?" Cas asked with a raised eyebrow; his heart was hammering like a horse on drugs. He had never done anything like this before.

“Yeah, we can do anything. Go into the city and find an arcade. Go to the movies. Make out in your secret hideout. Whatever,” Dean said casually as he pushed Cas towards the back of the bleachers.

His breathing hitched when Dean suggested making out. "Yeah, um, okay... um, so what should I tell the secretary... as y-your Dad?"

“Follow my lead,” he said as he fished some change out of his pocket and walked up to the payphone. After dropping the coins in the slot, he dialed the number for the main office and cleared his throat.

“Yes, this is Zachariah Novak, we have had an unexpected emergency in the family and my son Castiel needs to immediately drive home. Yes. Now,” Dean said in a put on deeper voice. 

After he hung up ,he looked at Cas and nodded. “Since it’s lunch time, we’ve still got fifteen minutes to get back on campus. For my Dad, just tell them my younger brother is sick and I need to come home to take care of him, to just have me start walking home.” Dean smiled and patted his arm reassuringly. “You think you can do it?”

Cas nodded nervously, taking a few deep breaths before he picked up the phone and threw the change from his pocket into it. He slowly dialed the number, trying to relax. He didn't want to look like an idiot in front of Dean. Cas cleared his throat and lowered his voice when the line was answered. "Hello, this is John Winchester. Our youngest son got very sick today and we are still stuck at work. My son Dean needs to come home." He gave Dean a questioning look, if this was okay.

Dean nodded for him to continue with an encouraging smile.

“If you could have him start walking home, I’d appreciate it,” Cas added in a low voice.

“Okay, Mr. Winchester. We’ll call out for your son over the intercom,” the secretary stated in a sweet voice.

“Thank you,” Cas replied before he hung up the phone, heart hammering against his ribcage. “Fuck,” he breathed out. “I’m going to be in so much trouble if we get caught.”

Dean grinned and clapped him on the shoulder. “Then we won’t. Come on, let’s start heading to the front office.”

Cas flashed him a smile and stood up, reaching out to Dean to help him up. “So, what do you wanna do?” He seriously hoped making out in the tree house wasn’t a joke.

“Whatever you want, it’s your first time ditching, you get to make the call,” he said as he draped his arm over Cas’s shoulder.

_Fuck._ He couldn’t just ask Dean to make out in the tree house. How would that look? Dean probably had said it as a joke. “Um… maybe we shouldn’t go somewhere public. A lot of people here know my mother. Maybe… depending on how much time you have today… we could drive to Simmons Island?”

Dean’s smile widened. “Now we’re talking!”

“I haven’t been there for years.”

“Never been, so…” Dean chuckled as he leaned against the wall next to the front office building. “You go in first and I’ll meet you by your car.”

Cas nodded, smiling at him before he replied, “It’s like going to the beach. I bet you’ll like it.” He waited several minutes, watching as Dean disappeared into the office, only to reappear, throwing him a thumb’s up before jogging toward the parking lot. Cas straightened his expression, imagining his father actually had called him home instantly brought a frown to his face. Making sure to appear concerned as to why he was called in to the office.

Mrs. Acharya explained that his father had called, saying that he needed to go home, and Cas was proud of himself for not allowing the stupid grin growing inside not make it to his face. If there was something he was good at, it was hiding his true feelings. He thanked her before he walked out again and straight to his car.

Dean was leaning against the passenger side, looking incredibly sexy with his eyes closed and face tilted towards the sun. _Fuck,_ he wanted to kiss him so badly. 

He unlocked the car with a grin before he got in, waiting for Dean to sit down next to him. “I still can’t believe we’re doing this,” he breathed out. He still felt all kinds of tense about skipping school.

Dean clapped a hand on Cas’s knee. “I promise, this won’t be your dark descent into a life of sex, drugs, and crime.”

Cas gave him a playfully shocked look. “It’s not? But I was looking forward to all the sex!”

“Sure you were,” Dean said with a chuckle.

Cas gave him another playful look before he started to drive. “I get the impression you don’t believe me.”

“Of course I don’t. You get weird when I talk about sex with Rhonda and you never got further than first base with Lenore. No way you’re looking forward to losing your virginity.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "Actually... I'm not a virgin anymore... and I only get uncomfortable 'cause of Rhonda, not because of sex. You know I don't like her."

There was a beat of silence before Dean pinched his side and let out a surprised laugh. “You never told me!”

Cas gave him a sheepish look. "Sorry, I thought it was obvious that I had sex at some point since I had a girlfriend."

Dean laughed again as he sank back against his seat, shaking his head. “I’m impressed.” He turned slightly, pulling his left knee up on the seat. “So… how was it?”

Cas shrugged and bit his lower lip, trying to concentrate on the road. "Pretty good. I mean, it's sex. It's fun."

Dean rolled his eyes, but his smile was still present. “Fun, right. Come on, dude! Give me more than that!”

Cas answered with his own eye roll before he explained calmly, "Dean, do you have any idea how often the guys asked me how Lenore's tits feel, or if she gets super wet? It's so disrespectful, and I like to treat those details about our sex life with the privacy my friend deserves."

There was a beat of silence before Dean let out a soft sigh and sank back against the seat. “You suck. I can’t even argue that without sounding like a dick.”

Cas chuckled and gave Dean a charming smile. "Thank you for your understanding." He turned his attention back to the road before he asked, "So, what do you want to do when we're at the beach?"

“Go into the ocean,” he said excitedly, “I’ve never been to a beach before.”

Cas couldn't help but laugh at that. "You know it isn't an ocean, right? And the water will be cold."

Dean actually pouted and folded his arms over his chest. “Why you gotta crush my dreams, Cas?”

"About the water temperature, or the fact that we’re driving to a fucking huge lake instead of an ocean?" He chuckled before he reached over to softly pinch Dean’s cheek. “We can still have ice cream at the beach, and we can bury our feet in the sand.”

Dean smiled and pushed Cas’s hand away. “Will I get to see you shirtless?” He asked as he waggled his eyebrows.

Cas grinned again. "Well, the sun is shining, so you might get lucky." He gave him a teasing wink. “Do you wanna put some music on? It's about an hour drive."

Without missing a beat, Dean leaned forward to grab the large black CD binder on the floor. He pulled it onto his lap and laughed. “This is impressive. Any specific CD you want me to grab?”

_"Jagged Little Pill?"_ he suggested. Cas liked listening to Alanis Morissette while driving. He also had some Billy Joel CDs in there, but all of his other friends teased him about his “old people” music, so Dean didn’t need to know how much he loved Billy Joel. Dean probably knew to some degree, because Cas had let that information slip the day they met.

“Never pegged you for listening to angry chick music; you always surprise me,” Dean said with a soft laugh as he popped the CD in.

"I like the lyrics." He shrugged. “And she is on the list of music I’m not supposed to listen to.”

Dean feigned a gasp. “You rebel.”

Cas chuckled, flashing Dean a pointed look before he replied in an amused tone, “I know. Listening to music about intellectual intercourse and parents that push their kids too hard, watching evil sci-fi movies, skipping school… this is what made me like kissing boys.”

He frowned and went silent after that. He had meant it as a joke, but he was aware that was _exactly_ what his parents thought. 

“What’s up, frowny?”

He shook his head. "Nothing... it's just... I really envy you, with your parents."

Dean reached over and held Cas’s hand. “You can always borrow them.”

Cas gave him a quick smile. "It was really nice of them to come to every game."

“Dad got a real kick out of it. He wouldn’t shut up about the championship game for like a week.”

"Really?" Cas couldn’t help but grin like an idiot. "Fuck, I love your Dad. He is awesome."

Dean chuckled. “He friggin’ adores you. I think he likes you more than me.”

Cas laughed and shook his head. "I don't believe that for a second. But thank you."

“Seriously,” Dean argued, “they’ve both said they _have_ to love me, they _choose_ to love you.”

Cas felt his face growing warm and he couldn't stop grinning. "That's... really nice." He gave Dean a quick look before he sighed deeply. "I was starting to think my parents don't care about me because something is wrong with me. They care about Michael... but it's like... everything I do isn't good enough."

“Well, they don’t know what they’re missing out on. You’re the best, Cas,” Dean said as he squeezed Cas’s hand.

Cas intertwined their fingers and squeezed back, not planning on letting go of Dean's hand anytime soon. "Thank you... but you might be biased because you like me for some reason."

Dean shrugged and leaned in a little closer. “Not many people have ever been able to keep up with me.”

"That's because you're a whirlwind." He hoped that didn't come out as enamored as it sounded on his head.

“So, what does that make you?” Dean asked with a quirked brow.

"Taz the Tasmanian devil?" Cas mirrored Dean’s raised eyebrow.

Dean let out a soft laugh, a fond smile curling his lips as he looked down. “Exactly.”

Cas returned the smile before he started singing with Alanis Morissette, _"You've already won me over, in spite of me. And don't be alarmed if I fall... head over feet. Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are. I couldn't help it. It's all your fault..."_ He couldn't carry a tune, but it didn't matter. The fun part was singing along.

_“Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole. You’re so much braver than I gave you credit for. That’s not lip service,”_ Dean continued the song. 

They sang the chorus together and Cas couldn’t help but steal meaningful glances at Dean, wishing Dean, on some level, knew that those words were true for him. He had fallen head over feet for Dean. 

The rest of the drive was filled with singing (or in Cas’s case, _trying_ to sing), between laughing fits when Dean started to play the air guitar, air harmonica, and air drums in a pretty distracting, exaggerated way.

He was slightly out of breath and his face hurt from all the laughing when he parked nearby the beach. Cas smiled brightly at him before they both exited the car and walked down toward the sandy expanse. The water shimmered in the midday sun, and Cas took in a deep breath before he tentatively grabbed Dean’s hand. “Do you want to go down to the water?”

“Hell yeah,” he breathed out as he started running to the water’s edge, never letting go of Cas’s hand.

They stopped at the shoreline, and Cas bent over to untie his shoes with one hand because he refused to let go of Dean’s hand. It was slightly clumsy, but he managed to pull off his shoes, followed by his socks, stuffing them in his shoes. “I bet my feet will freeze off when I put them in the water.” He chuckled, grateful for the sand being a lot warmer than he thought.

Dean grinned as he toed his shoes and socks off without using his hand, using one foot to step on the other as he did so. “Worth it.”

Cas carefully followed him, cursing when the freezing water surrounded his feet in a low wave. "Fuck, that's cold." He chuckled, squeezing Dean's hand again as he drew closer to his friend. As if that would protect him against the water temperature. 

His gaze fell on a tiny crab, lifting its pinchers at them in a threatening manner. "Oh, man that is cute." He bent over to get a closer look. "Imagine if he had a tiny pitchfork and a torch in his pinchers, shouting that he'll burn down our village."

Dean barked out a laugh and leaned down to splash Cas with a palm-cup of water. “I love how weird you are.”

Cas may or may not have shrieked like a little girl when the water hit his face before he retaliated with a splash in Dean’s direction. "I just have a lively imagination."

That was met with a soft chuckle as Dean twirled Cas into, a poor man’s swing dance move. “Told you, I like the weird.”

"I bet that is only to distract from your own weirdness," Cas replied with a chuckle, pulling Dean closer. Fuck, he looked sexy like that, in the sunlight. The water he had attacked him with making Dean's lips shine temptingly, wet and irresistible.

Dean dipped him back and waggled his eyebrows. “Your weird matches my weird. It just works.”

"Guess we're made for each other," Cas commented as he pulled himself up, nearly stepping on Dean's foot in the process. If there was one thing he couldn't do, it was dance.

“Best friends,” Dean added, his smile practically beaming.

"Yes." Cas smiled brightly, even though his heart ached with the wish they could be more. When he averted his gaze, a weird feeling in his chest, the crab distracted him by running towards them, waving its shears. "Woah, that is a brave one. I think we’ve really annoyed him by standing here."

Dean chuckled and flipped around, pulling Cas’s arms around his torso before pulling him off of the ground in a makeshift piggyback ride. “I’ll keep you safe!”

Cas quickly draped his arms over Dean's shoulder and crossed his legs around him, leaning close to his ear. "You're my heroic… horse. Giddyap!" He chuckled before he added, "Whisk me away from here!"

Dean whinnied as he started galloping around in the water.

Cas chuckled as he held on to Dean. "Although, I think you should be a dragon. That's much cooler than a horse."

“You really are a nerd sometimes,” Dean teased as he straightened his stance to let Cas down. 

Cas hesitantly slid down from Dean, hugging him from behind as he rested his chin on his shoulder. "Yeah, but you like that about me."

Dean rested his head against Cas’s. “I do.”

Another wave washed around their feet and Cas closed his eyes, enjoying the moment. “Thanks for dragging me away on an adventure. My life has gotten so much better since you’ve been in it,” he whispered.

Dean reached his arms behind himself to awkwardly hug him. “Ditto, Cas.”

Cas smiled before he nudged his nose against Dean’s neck and kissed it. “Wanna get some ice cream and sit in the sun?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he murmured fondly as he moved to sling his arm over Cas’s shoulder.

Cas bent his knees and wrapped his arms under Dean’s leg before he lifted him out of the water, bridal style. “Now I’ve saved you from the dangerous crab.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but his laughter countered any annoyance Cas might have suspected. “My hero,” he murmured dramatically.

“Yeah, I’m Batman,” Cas replied in a deep voice as he carried Dean out of the water, letting him down in the warm sand. “There is an ice cream parlor up the road.” He pointed to the promenade, his fingers itching to take Dean’s hand again. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t a date. And they were two boys in public. The beach was pretty empty, but on the street was a different story.

“Then what are we waiting for?”

Cas gave him a quick smile before he said, ”Last one buys the ice cream.” And then he ran through the sand and towards the stairs that led up to the promenade. Since he had already planned to buy ice cream for both of them, he purposely moved slower when he reached the stairs, letting Dean pass him.

Dean quirked his brow and turned to face him. “You’re throwing the race?”

Cas raised his eyebrows, his voice way too high when he replied, “Um, no? Never.”

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed Cas’s upper arm. “If you wanted to buy me ice cream, you could’ve just said,” he teased.

Cas looked away, trying to hide his grin. “I didn’t want to make it so obvious.”

When they reached the ice cream parlor, Dean held the door open for him and bowed. “After you.”

Cas stuck out his tongue before he passed Dean and went inside, walking up to the counter. The parlor was pretty empty, except for an older couple sitting at one of the tables. He waited for Dean to join him as he studied the chalkboard. 

The vendor was an older guy giving Cas and Dean a suspicious once over that freaked Cas out a little, like the guy knew they were either skipping school, or on a date. “Um, I’ll take three scoops. Chocolate, coffee, and lemon.” He turned to Dean. “What do you want?”

Dean hummed as he looked over the menu at all of the different flavors in the case. “Mint chip, rocky road, and moose tracks, please.”

The older man grunted in response and grabbed a scoop, a deep frown creased his face as he prepared their order. Cas felt thoroughly judged. He quickly paid so they could get out of there, handing Dean his ice cream and whispering, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Dean said with a smirk as he wrapped his arm around Cas’s waist, poking his tongue out at the man before he guided Cas through the door.

The man squinted his eyes at them and shook his head, mumbling something under his breath. Cas was happy he didn’t understand it. He took in a deep breath when they got outside, flashing Dean a quick smile on their way back to the beach. “What a creep.” He licked at his ice cream and raised his eyebrow. “At least the ice cream is good.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Sorry if I overstepped. I love making judgemental assholes cringe, I know it’s pointless, but… yeah.”

“That’s alright. You can count me in anytime you want.” And Cas meant it. Although he probably wouldn’t provoke people on his own, he could see why Dean had done it.

“You’re the best, Cas.” The way Dean looked at him was… had to describe. Their eyes were locked for an impossibly long handful of seconds, that was until Dean took an obscenely large bite of his ice cream, getting it all over his face and on the tip of his nose.

Cas couldn’t help but laugh. “Dean, you’re a pig. Hasn’t anyone ever told you to eat with your mouth, not your face?” He swiped his finger over the tip of Dean’s nose before he licked the ice cream off of it.

Dean gave him a big, messy smile as he nodded. “I’m unteachable,” he said around a mouthful of ice cream.

Cas looked around to see if they were alone before he leaned over and licked the ice cream from Dean’s lips. When he drew back, he smirked. “You provoked it.”

Dean yanked Cas in for a sloppy kiss, making it a point to rub his sticky face all over Cas’s. “Well, so did you.”

Cas scrunched his nose before he pulled up his shirt to rub it over his face. “Dean, seriously. I was just trying to clean you up.”

“And I was trying to make you dirty,” Dean murmured as he stepped a little closer.

Time for a good old distraction. Cas grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off, using it as a shield between him from Dean. “Uh, uh, you’re not coming closer until you stop attracting insects with your face.”

Dean’s grin turned feral as he took another huge bite, covering his face even more as he drew closer. “Come on, Cas,” he teased as he grabbed the shirt with his free hand.

The shirt needed to sacrifice its life for the greater good. Cas let go of it and ran towards the water with a feigned scream, interrupted by bouts of laughter when he realized Dean was coming right for him. 

Knee deep in the freezing water, he cupped his hands beneath the surface and grinned up at Dean. “I have water and I’m not afraid to use it.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows and slowly approached, Cas’s shirt in one hand, his ice cream in the other. He dangled the shirt over the water like he was about to drop it in. “Check.”

“You have nothing over me.” Cas smirked back. “The shirt is prepared to die like a hero.”

Dean tsk’d at him as he dragged the shirt through the water and slowly started to spin it into a rat tail. “Go for it,” he taunted.

_Oh, fuck._ He had clearly miscalculated what Dean had been about to do. Well, attack was the best defense strategy, so he splashed Dean’s face with water, and instead of running away from him, he grabbed the hem of the wet shirt he was holding and pressed it over Dean’s face, wiping it clean, holding his face with his other hand. “There you go, now your lips are kissable again.”

Dean let out a disbelieving scoff of laughter before he twisted and tackled Cas, the pair of them submerging beneath the water. And in the few seconds they were underwater, Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips before he came up and shook his hair out. 

Cas held up his hand, although it was fruitless. They were both completely drenched. His ice cream was gone… and he started to shiver from the cold. But he couldn’t help but laugh because this was like the best date… um, _day_ in his life. “I vote for a truce and drying off in the sun.”

“Alright, then,” Dean said with a chuckle as he moved to stand and held his hand out to Cas. 

He took Dean’s hand and let himself get dragged out, using the opportunity to lean in for another quick kiss to Dean’s shoulder. Cas grabbed his shirt from Dean’s hand and gave it a once over, noticing the ice cream was washed out, so he just needed to dry it in the sun. Although he knew his mother wasn’t Sherlock Holmes, he still didn’t need to bring evidence of this wonderful afternoon back home. “If you’re cold, you can totally cuddle up with me.” He suggested with a smirk.

Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder and smiled at him. “Thanks for this, Cas.”

They sat down in the sand and Cas pulled Dean in closer, leaning in for a soft kiss to his cheek. "For coming here? You convinced me to skip school, so I should thank you."

Dean chuckled and shrugged as he rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Still though. You’re always showing me new stuff. It’s awesome.”

"Well, you showed me I'm not alone because I’m different, and that being weird isn't something bad." Cas smiled before he touched Dean's cheek, rubbing his thumb over a dusting of freckles. "You have no idea how much that’s helped me."

“Glad to have been of service,” he said with a wink.

Cas chuckled, his fingers sliding over Dean's arm before he leaned back in the sand. He crossed one arm behind his head as he turned to look at Dean. "You know it's a little unfair that I'm the only one shirtless."

Without missing a beat, Dean pulled his shirt up and off, rubbing the damp cloth in Cas’s face before he leaned back against the sand himself.

Cas scrunched up his nose and chuckled, his eyes wandering over Dean's bare chest, taking in all the cute freckles. He gave Dean a smirk, bracing his head on his palm as he turned on his side. "I'm so glad you moved here."

Dean followed, turning on his side to face Cas. “Me too. And that’s sayin’ something, considering I was so pissed at my Dad for taking the promotion.” 

"Do you miss your old friends?" he asked softly.

Dean nodded and appeared thoughtful, as though he were reminiscing. “I do, they were a lot of fun, and we try to pull off three-way calls when we can, but… it could be worse. Hell, you’re kind of the reason it’s not.”

Cas looked away, trying to hide the grin. "That's, um... good to know." His fingers playfully drew lines on Dean's arm before he asked, "Do you know what you want to do after school? Where you wanna go?"

“Not sure yet,” he said with a shrug, “figured I’d start at community college and see what jumps out at me. What about you? Which school do you wanna go to be a doctor?”

"My parents want me to go to Harvard or Stanford, but…” He looked away from Dean for a moment. "I don't know."

Dean gently grasped Cas’s chin and tilted his head up. “Where do _you_ want to go?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and gave Dean a long look. "I don't care. As long as I go where you are." He cleared his throat. "I just found you and I don't want to lose you as my best friend."

Dean appeared taken aback by that. Before Cas could start panicking over being so stupidly honest, Dean flashed him a soft smile. “You won’t, even if you go to a fancy Ivy League far away from me.”

Cas shook his head. "People always say they’ll make the long distance thing work, but it never does. People meet other people, and make new friends, and then they don't have time for you anymore. I’d rather avoid that by having all those new experiences with you, instead of calling you, telling you about it."

“Well, I can’t make you change your mind, and a part of me doesn’t want to, but don’t sacrifice your future for me.” Dean pursed his lips slightly, gently patting his arm. 

"I don't want a future without you in it, so I wouldn't be." Cas shrugged. 

Dean ducked his gaze, a smile tugging at his lips. “Me either.”

He wrapped his arm around Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. "Then it's a deal. When school is over, we look for a city where we both can do what we want to do."

Dean held on for a few moments before he drew back and looked around. “What’s wrong with staying here in Chicago?”

"Um, nothing." Cas grinned. "I love this city. I would love to stay here."

“Sounds like a plan, then.”

"Awesome," Cas murmured. "You know, when it’s summer we can come here and actually swim. It'll be super crowded though."

Dean returned the smile and shrugged. “I’m just glad you’re not being dragged off somewhere like at Christmas.”

"Did you miss me?" Cas asked with a teasing smile.

“Of course I did. It sucked.”

It did. There wasn’t a day Cas hadn't missed Dean like hell, especially being at a place that was hell to begin with. His parents either constantly argued with each other or barked orders at Cas, to “sit straight at the table,” or lectured him on what he was allowed to say and not. Always flashing him disapproving and scrutinizing looks whenever he opened his mouth. No matter what he did it was always wrong. It was pure stress. “Yeah, it totally did. In the summer I’m usually alone at home, cause my parents go to Europe without us. Best time of the year. Only downside is Michael stays at home.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Well, we could always spend the summer in the bat cave.”

Cas nodded enthusiastically. “We’ll smuggle lots of food in there and then we’ll live there. No one will find us.”

“Sounds perfect,” Dean murmured fondly as he tapped Cas’s nose, getting a little sand on his face.

Cas scrunched up his nose and swiped over his face. “Do you like making me dirty?”

Dean grinned and nodded. “Definitely.”

“Why do I get the impression you aren’t just talking about sand and ice cream?” Cas smirked, teasingly dragging his thumb just under Dean;s nipple.

Dean grasped his wrist and quirked his brow. “Why do I get the impression you’re happy about that?”

“Well, maybe I am,” Cas flirted back. He was pretty sure that was what they were doing.

“Caught ya’,” he murmured as he released Cas and leaned in closer.

Cas used his now free hand to push Dean on his back into the sand again, holding him down. He leaned over with a playful smirk. “And I caught you.”

Dean shrugged. “Been caught by worse.’

Cas leaned closer, lips hovering a breath away from Dean’s. “Are you sure? Who knows what I'll do with you.”

“Yeah?” he challenged.

And then Cas gave in. He’d just wanted to kiss Dean for hours now, and now they were all alone on a beach, where no one knew them. So he leaned closer, his lips ghosting over Dean’s in a soft but lingering kiss. 

Dean’s hand gently cupped the nape of Cas’s neck as he succumbed.

It felt incredible. Every time he kissed Dean it was like his heart was about to leap out of his chest, and his whole body felt like there were little sparks crawling over his skin. He let his lips gently slide over Dean’s before he leaned back with a heavy heart, knowing that he couldn’t keep kissing Dean for long, otherwise his desire for him would get too obvious.

Cas tried to give him an easy going smile as he breathed out, “That’s what you get for getting caught.”

Dean chuckled. “Good punishment.”

“Right?” Cas replied with a laugh. “I bet you’ll think twice now before you let yourself get caught by me.” Cas knelt back next to Dean and started to shovel sand over Dean’s feet. “I think I’ll just bury you here, ‘cause you’re mine now.”

In a beat he’d grabbed Cas and pulled him on top of him. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso and squeezed him tight. “You’re trapped with me now.”

Cas was laying directly on top of Dean, completely aligned, which meant he could feel Dean’s dick pressed against his own. He swallowed and looked down at him, trying not to wiggle himself free from Dean’s grip, because that would have made his situation harder… pun intended. “Oh, man.” He hoped his voice sounded dry-humored and not nervous. “What should I do?”

“You can’t do anything, you’re mine for eternity now,” he teased as he squeezed a little harder.

Cas couldn’t stop a quiet, “Oof,” that escaped before he rested his face against Dean’s shoulder with a defeated, “Oh, well, okay then. I can totally live with that.” He grinned against Dean’s warm skin, leaving a soft kiss in his wake.

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “Wanna come over for dinner tonight? Mom is going to attempt to cook an actual meal, so we’ll be having pizza.”

Cas closed his eyes and enjoyed the way Dean’s fingers felt in his hair. “Yeah, I’d love to,” he hummed, not feeling guilty in the slightest when he indulged in his fantasy of Dean as his actual boyfriend, and the world and everyone in it being okay with that. A world where Dean loved him back, and would always be with him. Cas smiled again before he added, “This day is pretty awesome.”

Dean let out a surprised huff of laughter as he quirked his brow at him. “Dude, you got dumped today.”

_Oh yeah, that happened;_ just that Cas really didn’t feel bad about it. He took in a deep breath. “If she hadn’t done it first, I would have broken up with her. I really like Lenore. I want to keep her as a friend, and I didn’t want to… I don’t know… lead her on, you know?”

Dean nodded and cupped his cheek. “I wouldn’t worry too much, you’ll find someone you’ll fall madly, desperately in love with some day.”

_Yeah, already done that,_ Cas thought as he got lost in Dean’s eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”

“And when that happens, you better still be my best friend,” Dean warned in a demanding tone.

Cas carded his fingers through Dean’s hair. “That will never change, no matter what.” Because he just couldn’t imagine falling for anyone other than Dean. And even if he did… he would never want to lose him.

Dean grinned. “Good. ‘Cause I better be the best man at your wedding, no matter how far away that might be.”

_How about you be my husband?_ Too bad that this wasn't allowed and probably never would be… Cas looked away and shrugged. "I don't think I will ever get married."

“Never say never,” Dean sing-songed. 

Cas sighed deeply before he braced his arm in the sand to look at Dean. "You know that I also like men... what if I fall in love with a guy instead of a girl? I could never marry him."

Dean leaned back against his crossed arms and sighed wistfully. “No, but you could maybe have a fake wedding? All the glitz and glamor, none of the legal rights.”

"That's kind of sad though," Cas replied. If he couldn't do it right, he probably just wouldn't do it.

“It is, but you and I both know they’ll never make gay marriage legal.” Dean sighed again and looked over at Cas. “I don’t get why people are so hateful.”

Cas shook his head slowly. "I don't know. I don't even get why my parents are the way they are. And they are my parents." His gaze fell on Dean's lips before he leaned down to kiss him softly. Just a quick kiss to make Dean's worry line go away. "I don't know why we can't love who we want to freely."

“Me either. It’s just as awesome as straight love,” he said.

"Maybe even better," Cas whispered before he kissed Dean's cheek. He nudged his nose against his cheek, smiling. "So, are you keeping me here on top of you? Am I too heavy?"

“Not at all, and you’re mine, remember?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "I am yours. But you told me I gained weight, remember? Although I still don't know where?"

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”

"No, I won't," Cas replied with a smirk. "Maybe I’ll make a poster for you one day, that you can hang up in your room next to Gunner."

Dean rolled his eyes. “Or you could just hang out in my room all the time. Much better than a poster.”

Cas couldn't stop grinning like an idiot. "I would gladly be of service twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Whatever you wanna do with your live-poster.”

And yes his thoughts went there, because he was a teenage boy who knew what he would do with a Dean poster in his room.

Dean chuckled and looked at his watch. “School day’s almost up. Ready to head to my place to annoy my parents?”

Cas feigned a sound of protest and buried his face against Dean's throat, mumbling, "I can't get up. I'm caught." He really didn’t want to leave.

That was met with a soft laugh as Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso. “You most definitely are.”

Cas smiled against Dean's skin before he pretended to struggle. He remembered too late there had been a reason he kept still while on top of Dean. He couldn't suppress a gasp when his dick dragged over Dean's. “Uh, sorry,” he murmured.

Dean looked down between them in awe. “Dude, how much are you actually packing?”

Cas felt his face grow hot as he braced his palms in the sand, careful not to rub over Dean again _(even though it was hard…)_ Again with the pun? What was up with his mind today? “I– I don’t know. I’ve never, like… measured it.”

“Dude, we should measure when we get back to my place.” 

Cas knew his face was probably the color of a tomato by now. He hoped he could somehow blame the sun. "Um, what? Why?"

Dean chuckled and patted his cheek. “We don’t have to if you really don’t want to.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze tethered to Dean's shoulder. “We can, I mean…” He cleared his throat. “We can do it.” And yes, he wanted to know how big Dean’s dick was, since he was never going to see it any other way.

Dean smiled and gently tapped Cas’s nose. “Come on. Let’s start heading back.”

Cas nodded, but he couldn't let go of Dean until he got one more kiss out of this day. He leaned over, capturing Dean’s lips in a quick, gentle kiss before he sighed wistfully and rolled off of Dean. For a moment he just laid there stretched out in the warm sand. "That was over way too quick," he complained before he got up and held his hand out for Dean to take.

Dean took the proffered hand and smiled as he allowed Cas to pull him up. “Well, there’s always the summer. Not far off now.”

“You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to it this year.” Cas chuckled before he wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulder as they started to walk back to the car. “I’ll probably be glued to your side. Just so you’re warned.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Dean said as he snuggled into Cas.

Cas still couldn’t fathom why anyone would love to have him around, but the way Dean snuggled into him made it hard not to believe his words. “I really hope you never get sick of me. In the past I tried to hang out with Stephen during summer to avoid my big brother, but… even though he and I are very good friends… Well, he has a life and I started to get on his nerves. So if you need alone time, please just tell me and I’ll hide in my bat cave.”

Dean cupped Cas’s face and gave him a reassuring smile. “You are my life, so it’s not like I have better things to do than hang out with you. And one day you’ll realize I mean it when I say I like spending my time with you.”

His heart ached and he had no idea if Dean could get anymore perfect. Cas gave him a shy smile before he shrugged. “Or one day you’ll realize that you are way out of my league and could do better.”

Dean’s eyebrow quirked and he gave him a stern look. He was clearly not amused. “Don’t talk about my best friend like that. He’s the best person I’ve ever met and I won’t have it.”

Cas pulled him closer and into a tight hug. He leaned his forehead against Dean’s. “Sorry, sometimes I just can't believe my luck. All my life I felt like something in my life was missing and I kept waiting for it to appear. And now… I'm not searching anymore. You… are all I needed to be happy.”

With a soft sigh Dean grasped Cas’s hand and held it, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “No, Cas. You just need you to be happy, ‘cause it’s more than enough for me and I’ll never stop reminding you of that. Even when we’re grumpy old men together.”

Grumpy old men. Cas really liked that. He gave Dean a soft smile and nodded. “Well, mission accomplished. Being your best friend definitely makes me happy.” He chuckled before he added, “I just pictured us old, sitting on a bench and yelling at the kids to stay out of our flowerbeds.”

“I’ll wave my cane at them and everything,” Dean said with a laugh as he made his way to Cas’s car.

Cas unfolded his still uncomfortably wet shirt with a grimace. "Yeah, I guess I need to drive shirtless." He unlocked his car and threw the shirt on the tiny backspace behind his seat.

Dean replied in a dead monotone, “Pity.”

Cas burst into laughter as he noticed Dean’s accompanying expression to his words. “Right, I forgot. I’m your poster boy,” he replied with a proud smirk.

Dean flicked his cheek. “Well, I bet if I took my shirt off too, I’d be yours.”

"That's a bet you will certainly win." Cas winked at Dean before he started his car. "But then again, with your face alone you could be a model."

“Shut up,” he chastised as he gently shoved Cas.

Cas looked over and noticed that Dean seemed embarrassed by the compliment. It was incredibly cute. "Come on, Dean... You have seen yourself in a mirror, right?"

Dean pursed his lips and quirked his brow. “You’re the one who’s sex on legs.”

Cas laughed out loud at that and shook his head. "If I'm sex on legs, you're sex on everything..." He furrowed his brow. "Does that even make sense? Probably not. Anyway. Believe me, you're sexy as hell, and you could make everyone weak."

“Well, I’m not interested in making everyone weak,” he murmured with a soft laugh.

"Plus, you already have someone you make weak." Cas knew Dean would think he meant Rhonda, but in reality he meant himself.

“I doubt anything makes Rhonda weak. Except maybe cigarettes.”

Cas scrunched up his nose. "Who knows? Maybe she has a crush on you."

“Not a chance in hell, Cas. She only hangs out with me ‘cause I’m a good kisser, at least that’s what she tells me.”

"Well, you _are_ a good kisser," Cas confirmed.

Dean smirked. “So are you.”

Cas turned his concentration back on the traffic to hide his grin. "Well, you're a good teacher."

Dean chuckled. “I didn’t teach you much, you’re all natural talent.”

"You showed me one very important thing though." He cleared his throat again, his voice still quiet as he said, "That kissing can feel really awesome, and it's okay to just try it."

Dean smiled as he took Cas’s hand in his own and just held it. “Especially when you have makeout arrangements with your best friend.”

Cas squeezed his hand. "You’re the most awesome best friend in the history of best friends to have ever best-friended."

Dean pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “Funny. That’s how I feel about you.”

Cas hoped that the look he was giving Dean didn't scream, "I'm totally in love with you," before he smiled and quickly turned his gaze back to the road. "Guess we did everything right then."

“Definitely. Oh, and before I forget, Dad wants a copy of your team captain picture from the yearbook for a frame.”

"W-what?" Cas stammered, his eyebrows at his hairline. “Why?”

Dean chuckled. “To go on the wall with his other framed ‘proud father’ pictures. You know, next to Sammy’s sixth grade graduation, and me when I got the lead in the play back at school in Kansas. He’s a weirdo and sentimental.”

Cas had trouble breathing for a second. It was hard to accept that Dean's dad would do something like that, when his own parents didn't give two shits about him. He blinked away the tears that started to form and bit his lower lip hard, staring at the traffic and willing himself to think about anything else.

Dean squeezed Cas’s hand and leaned over. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”

Cas shook his head and scrubbed his hand over his eyes to wipe away the stupid tears. “It’s alright. Not your fault my parents are shitty.” He cleared his throat. “You can tell your dad he will get the copy,” Cas added, trying to give Dean a quick smile.

“You deserve love, Cas. You get that, right?” 

Cas bit his lip again and nodded. “I get that… and I’m more angry than sad actually.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “Talk to me.”

“Why is it so hard for my parents to love me?” he asked and couldn’t stop another tear from running down his cheek. “I mean, it shouldn’t be work, right? It shouldn’t be hard. They are my parents. And they really love my brother. And they care for Gabe… but in their eyes I’m always the disappointment.”

There was a beat of silence before Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “I can’t tell you they love you, I don’t know them, but I can tell you… it’s their fucking loss. And you’ve got a family of Winchesters that adore you to prove it.”

Cas leaned into Dean a little before he chuckled mirthlessly. “The only reason I’m happy that your parents can’t adopt me, is that I couldn’t make out with you anymore.”

“We’re not related,” he defended.

Cas chuckled then. Dean had the ability to always make him feel better. “It would still be weird. You’d be like my brother.”

“Hush your mouth, heathen!” Dean chuckled and licked a swipe up his cheek. 

“Ewwww, Dean!” He laughed as he wiped his cheek with his hand. “Did you just turn from best friend to a dog?”

Dean shrugged. “Same thing, right?”

“I hope you’re housetrained,” Cas replied, still laughing.

“At least I don’t hump your leg.” 

Cas smirked at him. “You say that like I wouldn’t enjoy every second of watching you doing that.”

Dean quirked his brow. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Who is my good, little doggy?” Cas chuckled before he tickled Dean under his chin.

Dean started panting and lolling his tongue before he barked.

Cas hummed. “You’re the cutest little dog. I could pet you all day.” He hadn’t intended to admit to the last part, but yeah, his mouth didn’t always consult his brain.

“Woof!” Dean chuckled and nuzzled his nose into the crook of Cas’s neck. “You’re my favorite Master.”

Dean tickled him on his throat and Cas couldn’t stop laughing. “And you’re my favorite pet. I bet you’re really obedient when I tell you to roll over, right?” This conversation was too much fun and picturing Dean rolling on his back, maybe lying naked on his bed.... Yeah, that was a fantasy Cas could work with.

Dean nodded as he stretched out against the seat. “Just need some belly rubs.”

_Oh, fuck._ That was a picture that he would save for his spank bank. He reached over and started rubbing over Dean’s stomach. “Like this?” 

That was met with a contented growl as he nodded emphatically. “Rank you,” he said in an impressive Scooby Doo impression.

“You’re welcome, Scooby.” Cas’s hand got a bit braver as he slid it up and over Dean’s chest.

“Scooby dooby doo!” He barked out with a cheesy grin.

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “You really like getting petted, huh?” He rubbed his thumb playfully over Dean’s nipple to tease him, hating that the shirt was in the way.

At that Dean gasped. “Shit. I didn’t think boys had sensitive nipples. I’ve gotta get Rhonda to do that next time we fool around.”

_Yeah, way to shoot myself in the knee._ He retracted his hand back to the steering wheel and pretended to need to concentrate on the road. “Yeah… I always liked touching myself there during my alone time. I thought everyone did that.”

“Never even occurred to me. I just focus on my dick,” Dean said with a chuckle.

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. “Seriously, your body is full of areas that are super sensitive and it feels awesome when you tease them. Makes you come so hard.” 

Dean let out a shaky exhale. “Gonna have to give that a try.”

Cas tried to stop picturing Dean masturbating, but it wasn’t easy. “Yeah, you really should. There are a few areas that aren’t obvious erogenous zones and you would usually never guess they are, like... “ He reached over to the back of Dean’s back and gently scratched his fingertips up to his hairline. “Like here. There are a lot of sensitive nerve endings.”

Dean shuddered and looked at Cas with widened eyes. “How do you know this stuff?”

"I know a lot more," he teased. "I told you that I want to become a doctor. So, I’ve read a lot about anatomy."

“You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

"Because I know thirteen erogenous zones on a male body?" Cas chuckled.

Dean shook his head. “Yeah. Thirteen? Seriously?”

“Yep.” Cas waggled his eyebrows at him with a smirk.

“You gonna tell me?”

“You want me to teach them to you?” he asked breathlessly.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, he licked his lips and his cheeks turned a little red. “Uh, yeah?”

Cas nodded slowly. “I can show you… maybe the next time you are at the bat cave?”

“Okay. Uh, yeah.” Dean looked towards the road for a moment. “We can do that.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile, seeing Dean so affected by that. He was glad he wasn’t the only one who was curious. “Then it’s a date… well not a date-date… you know what I mean.”

Dean chuckled and nodded. “I do.”

_Damn..._ He had been so smooth before. Where did that suddenly go? Cas gave Dean a shy smile and a nod before keeping his attention on the road. “Cool.” _Can’t wait._ He shook his head. “Just let me know when you have time.”

“This weekend?” Dean suggested. Was Cas hearing hopefulness in his tone? 

“Yes, um, this Saturday? I had planned on hiding there anyway.” 

“It’s a date,” Dean said with a smirk. 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "So why can you say 'date' just like that, but it makes me a stumbling mess?"

Dean chuckled and nudged his elbow into Cas’s side. “‘Cause you get cutely weird about gay stuff.”

Cas nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm used to being careful about what comes out of my mouth, you know? You're the first person I can be myself around. And it's... I'm still not used to it."

Dean grabbed the CD binder again and hummed as he perused it. “Want to try and sneak away to Pride this summer?”

Cas shook his head. "Um, no. I don't want my mother to see me."

“Not even if we dress up? Go in disguise so no one can recognize us?” Dean asked with an eyebrow waggle. 

"I'm pretty sure she will recognize me when she waves a sign in my face that I will burn in Hell," Cas replied dryly.

Dean chuckled. “Your Mom doesn’t strike me as the type to lower herself to the loud, ignorant bigot level. She seems way more sneaky, the type to buy out senators. Besides, didn’t you say she’ll be in Europe?”

"Is it this summer?" Cas asked before he added, "I never bother to look it up because... sadly, my mother does both. She organizes a church rally against it every year. It's a tradition."

“Wow,” Dean breathed out in a scoff. “Yeah, third weekend of June. I’ve always wanted to go to one, and Chicago is supposed to have one of the best.”

Cas thought about his mother's schedule and shook his head. "Hmm, she will already be in Europe at that time.”

“So?” Dean asked in a hopeful, excited tone.

"So, of course I'll go with you." Cas replied with a huge, excited smile.

Dean pumped his fist in triumph. “Yes! Can’t wait to put you in a dress!”

"Why do you want to put me in a dress?" Cas asked with a frown. "We don't need to disguise ourselves anymore."

“You’re no fun,” Dean grumbled as he sank back in his seat, a dejected and exaggerated movement.

Cas rolled his eyes. "How about you get in a dress and be my new girlfriend?"

Dean barked out a laugh. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works.”

"What?" Cas laughed. "Why not?"

“Pretty sure people will see I’m a dude.” 

Cas waved him off. "If someone says you're an ugly girl, I’ll just punch them."

Dean nodded, a sly smile curling his lips. “Good to know.”

"Well, no one can say I wouldn't defend my girlfriend." Cas winked at him as his stomach started to growl. "I think I would eat anything your mom cooks tonight."

“That’s a terrifying thought,” Dean said in feigned amazement.

"At least your mom is trying to cook. My mother hired a cook, so she never needs to be there," Cas replied with a shrug. "Did you find some music you like?" 

Dean nodded. “You’ve got a fun collection, I’m silently judging you while looking for a specific type of music.”

"Are you judging me because I like Billy Joel? ‘Cause if you are, take a number. All my friends judge me for my music taste and I don't care. At all." He cared a little... well, only about Dean's opinion.

“Yeah, I think I’m going to have to start training… oh, thank fuck. The Beatles!” Dean pulled out the Rubber Soul CD and popped it into the player.

Cas rolled his eyes. "I'm very satisfied with my music taste, thank you very much."

Dean chuckled. “It’s not all bad. It’s mostly stuff I’d listen to.”

Cas flashed him a quick smile. "Well, that's a good start. What else do you like besides the Beatles and Led Zeppelin?"

“A lot of music. Anything from pop punk like Green Day and Blink 182, to crooners of the forties like Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. I dunno,” Dean said with a shrug as he pulled his knee up onto the seat. “I like what I like. But this kind of stuff? Classic rock? Yeah. It’s my favorite. What about you?”

"I guess mostly music from the eighties." He chuckled. "And angry woman music."

Dean barked out a laugh. “And what is that?”

"Alanis Morissette, Tracy Chapman, PJ Harvey, Björk, Sheryl Crow, Linda Perry, Skunk Anansie, you name it." Cas shrugged. "I like music with good lyrics."

Dean smirked. “So do I,” he said as he turned up the volume and started to sing along, _“Baby, you can drive my car. Yes I’m gonna be a star. Baby, you can drive my car. And maybe I’ll love you…”_

_I definitely love you_ , Cas thought with a grin. He enjoyed listening to Dean sing. He had a beautiful voice, and Cas knew listening to him would never get old. It made the drive back fly back, as he finally parked in front of Dean’s house. “I could listen to you singing forever,” he admitted finally when the song ended and he turned off the engine.

Dean chuckled; it sounded a little surprised. “Well, you haven’t had to put up with it all hours of the day. I must get told to shut up at least five times a day.”

“You would never hear that from me.” 

“You haven’t lived with me,” he argued as he got out of the car and waited in front of the hood for Cas.

"Doesn't matter," Cas replied when he met Dean and they walked up to Dean's house side by side. "It's still true."

Dean shrugged. “You’ll see someday.”

“Or you’ll see one day that I'm right,” Cas challenged with a smirk.

“Wanna make a bet?” Dean returned.

“Alright. What’s the stakes?” 

Dean hummed thoughtfully. “Hmm. I don’t know. What’s something you want real bad?”

_You as my boyfriend_. Cas flashed him a smirk before he stated, “My own dragon.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but the amusement was evident. “Alright, so if you prove me wrong, I owe you a dragon.”

"Exactly." Cas replied as the front door opened and Dean's Dad was standing there, inviting them in.

"Thought I heard you guys. Hey, Cas. Did you have a good day at school?" John asked with a friendly and heartwarming smile.

And Cas instantly felt guilty about ditching. He would never feel guilty towards his own parents, but John... who thought so highly of him… it felt like Cas had done something bad, something disappointing. "Um, hello, Mr. Winchester. School was... um, fine." 

“Kid, I’ve told you a million times, it’s John or Dad. Not Mr. Winchester.” He chuckled as he made his way to his recliner in the living room.

“I’m sorry, Sir…. um, John. I mean.” It was difficult. All his life, being respectful had been beaten into him, and it was just damn weird to be so informal towards Dean’s father.

John chuckled and ruffled Cas’s hair before completing his journey to his recliner. “Your Mom has said, ‘fuck,’ about four hundred times in the last hour, so I’ll call you boys down when the pizza gets here.”

Dean laughed and nodded for Cas to follow him upstairs to his room. “Don’t forget the bacon!” he called out.

John waved dismissively. “What am I? An amateur?”

Cas let himself get dragged upstairs to Dean's room, with the familiar feeling of envy over Dean's family. He wished he didn’t have to go home, and could just stay here. When Dean had closed the door behind them, he sighed deeply. "Sorry for nearly fucking that up. I didn't expect to feel guilty for skipping around your father."

Dean laughed and shook his head. “You’re adorable, Cas.”

"Make fun of me all you want," Cas replied before he slumped himself on Dean's bed. “So what do you wanna do?”

“Well, we could still measure you?” he suggested as he locked his door.

For a second it felt like his heart stopped. His breathing hitched and he gave Dean a wide eyed look. "Um, okay... how?"

Dean started rifling through his desk drawer. “I’m pretty sure I’ve got a ruler.”

"I didn't mean..." Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want me to... go to the bathroom?"

“Nah, we can do it in here.”

Cas swallowed and tried to be cool about it. Dean didn't seem to be fazed at all. And if Dean could do it, he could be cool about this too. "So, what's your size? Did you ever measure it?"

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, a little less than seven inches hard.”

Cas licked over his lip and nodded, trying his best not to picture it, but instantly failing. "From which point did you measure?"

“Base to tip?” he suggested hesitantly.

"Yeah, I mean the underside or topside. Cause that would make a difference," Cas replied thoughtfully. 

Dean chuckled and shrugged. “Top, I guess?”

Cas cleared his throat and nodded. "Guess I’ll just have to get hard again now."

“What usually gets you hard?”

_Making out with you._ He cleared his throat and decided to censor himself. “Making out.”

Dean grinned as he walked over to the bed. “Well, that’s easy.”

Cas grinned up at him, his eyes never leaving Dean’s as he sat next to him. “Are you gonna help me with that?” 

Without missing a beat, Dean leaned forward and cupped Cas’s cheek. “Damn right.” In less than a second the distance between them was gone as Dean captured his lips in a soft kiss.

Cas gasped against Dean’s lips and deepened the kiss as he wrapped his arms around him, one of his hands sliding into his friend’s hair. He loved kissing Dean, especially feeling his tongue against his own. It had an immediate effect on his dick.

In under a few seconds Cas was rock hard. He hesitantly pulled away, trying to catch his breath. “Yeah, that worked.” 

Dean chuckled and leaned over to grab the ruler. “Alright, let’s see how big you really are.”

Cas carefully unbuckled his belt and opened the buttons of his jeans before he pulled them down past his ass, his gaze falling on his tented boxershorts. He looked up at Dean. "Wanna give me the ruler?"

Dean handed him the ruler with an almost awed expression on his face. Their fingers touched with the exchange, but Dean’s gaze was hyper focused on Cas’s groin.

"You wanna see my dick?" Cas asked with a grin. He felt slightly nervous, although he knew he shouldn't be. He had no problem with undressing in front of guys. But having a shower after practice was a very different context to showing Dean his erection. An erection that Dean had caused.

“For some reason, I do. That doesn’t make you uncomfortable?” Dean asked.

"It would make me feel better if I could see yours too," Cas suggested, because he wouldn't let that opportunity go.

Dean nodded and carefully started unbuckling his pants. “Fair’s fair, right?”

His heart was on its way to jumping out of his chest, and he definitely had forgotten how to breathe as he stared at Dean’s groin, his right hand rubbing over his own erection under the pretense of keeping it hard.

When Dean got his pants all the way off, he carefully pulled down his boxers. Cas held back a gasp at seeing Dean’s erection, jutting out and bobbing with his movement as he approached the bed. He sat down next to Cas and gave him an insecure smile. “It’s nowhere near as big as yours.”

Cas shook his head as he slowly let go of his own cock to show it to Dean. "Since you know that I also like men... I can tell you that you're doing _really_ fine with yours, Dean." He raised the ruler with a smirk. "Moment of truth?" _And fuck, it was hard to look away from Dean's beautiful cock._

Dean let out a low whistle. “Damn, Cas. A little over ten inches! How do you walk upright?”

Cas was really happy that Dean seemed to be impressed with his physical traits. Of course, it made him hope that one day... maybe Dean would like him back. "I just use it as my third leg," he replied dryly.

“Poor Lenore.”

"Believe me, she didn't complain." Cas chuckled, still touching himself before he realized what he was doing. "I should, um," he started awkwardly before he tugged at his boxer shorts, stealing one last good look at Dean's cock for future fantasies.

Dean chuckled and grabbed his own boxers from the floor to pull them back on. “Well, that’s good.”

"Yeah, I was nervous before... that I would hurt her." He pulled up his jeans again, gasping when the friction of the tight material grazed his hard on. "Damn it," he cursed under his breath as he tried to adjust his cock.

“Think of something super unsexy,” Dean suggested as he crawled onto his bed and sprawled out against his headboard.

His gaze wandered over Dean's groin area as he imagined crawling over him and kissing him senseless. He bit his lower lip. "Yeah, that's not easy..."

Dean shrugged helplessly. “Think of Paula?”

Cas scrunched up his nose when all the bad feelings he associated with her bubbled up inside of him. It killed his boner instantly. He raised his eyebrow. "Woah, that worked fast."

Dean nodded and tapped his thigh. “You’re welcome.”

Cas licked over his dry lips and shook his head as he slid up the bed next to him. "Who do you think of to make your boner go away?"

“That dick Luke is an insta-boner-killer,” he said with a chuckle.

Cas grimaced and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, the guy is an asshole. Be careful around him. He loves to bully people and humiliate them. Stephen and I caught him once... I don't know what he was about to do with that girl... it looked like he was harassing her, but when we asked her, she said she was fine..." He shook his head. "I can't really say anything, but... just to warn you, be careful around him."

Dean shrugged and flashed him a soft smile. “Well, you’ll protect me, right?”

Cas mirrored the smile before he wrapped his arm around Dean to pull him close. He loved that they always cuddled up on Dean's bed every time they were in it together. "Of course. As long as I'm with you, I won't let anything happen to you."

“That goes both ways,” he murmured against the side of his neck, his heated breath tickling Cas a little.

It made goosebumps break out all over his skin. He hummed and nudged his nose against Dean's head. "Try not to be alone with that creeper. If he is in a group of people, he usually behaves… more or less."

Dean chuckled. “Had no intention of it.”

"Good. He’s not very fond of you, for some reason," Cas added thoughtfully, pressing a soft kiss to Dean's head. 

“Yeah, why is that? What did I ever do to him?” 

"I have no idea." Cas wrapped his other arm around Dean, thumb absent-mindedly rubbing over Dean’s arm. "I think he is just really homophobic, and he hates that we're so close."

“So, what you’re telling me is _don’t_ tell him we made out to get you hard enough to measure your dick?” Dean asked with a chuckle.

Cas's heart stumbled painfully before he gave Dean a weak smile. "He would go directly to my parents with that."

“Well, good thing I can keep a secret.” 

"Yeah," Cas murmured before he added, "And I trust you. I never trusted anyone with this stuff, my thoughts... but I know I can with you."

Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek. “And you always can.”

It was so hard to look at Dean without displaying all the love he felt for his friend. "Yeah, that's one reason why I'm keeping you." 

“Good to know.” Dean wrapped his arm over Cas’s torso and sighed contentedly. “Thanks for today, Cas.”

"It was your idea to skip... I've never done that before." And he wouldn't have done it with anyone other than Dean.

Dean gently started drawing designs on the part of Cas’s abdomen where his shirt had ridden up. “Don’t worry, I won’t make you do it on the regular. Maybe a couple more times.”

Cas chuckled. Not just because of the prospect of more secret dates (and he didn't feel guilty in the slightest calling them that in his head), but also because Dean’s feather light drawing kind of tickled. He pulled his shirt up higher, revealing more of his upper body. "Are you drawing a dick on me?"

“How’d you know?” Dean returned with a soft laugh as he quite pointedly started tracing a dick around his belly button.

“It wasn’t a big leap. And I tend to project my character onto others.” He chuckled, giving Dean a wink before he added, “And I think of dicks all the time.” He braced himself on his elbows to watch Dean, purposefully tensing his muscles. “And you’re drawing a masterpiece.”

“Dude, you’re the masterpiece. Humans don’t look like this in real life,” Dean murmured in amazement when his drawing turned into tracing the lines of his abs.

"They do if they use sports as an excuse not to go home. This body was shaped by avoiding my parents." He chuckled again when Dean found another sensitive spot. "But since you like it so much, I'm working on it on purpose now."

Dean laughed softly and started walking his fingers up to Cas’s sternum. “Don’t get too ripped. I like you as you are.”

Cas bit his lower lip to keep himself from laughing at the way every touch was a mixture of ticklish and pleasurable, sending sparks through his body. "Alright, I’ll just try to maintain this then. I don't want to lose the poster boy status I have with you."

“Seriously. You’re never gonna let me live that down,” he said with a dramatic sigh as he moved to rest his head against Cas’s chest.

"Of course not. That was like the best day for my ego." Cas buried his fingers into Dean's hair as he slowly carded them through the soft strands. Who needed a girlfriend when he could have this?

Dean started purring and pawing at his stomach. “You’re gonna make me fall asleep.”

"Oh, man, I always wanted to have my own cat." Cas chuckled, never stopping his movements. He even slid his fingers down to Dean’s neck and lightly scratched over the skin up to Dean's hairline.

That was met with a growly sigh before Dean hummed. “Wake me up when someone starts banging on the door for dinner.”

"I might fall asleep too if you continue to purr like that," he hummed, remembering their conversation about showing Dean all the erogenous zones on his body on Saturday. He tried to push those thoughts away, because he knew he would instantly get a hard on. And there was no way Dean wouldn’t notice that, lying on top of him like that.

So he actively tried to not picture Dean moaning under him, using his fingers to play with his nipples. He failed. And one fantasy quickly led to another, and another, making all of his blood flow down to his dick. _Great._

Dean shifted, his face braced in the crook of Cas’s neck as he basically cuddled him, his breathing coming out in soft, even pants. 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, holding him close as he turned his head slightly to lean against Dean. He closed his eyes, trying to picture them being together, cuddling like this after they had sex. His erection kind of destroyed that mental image, because all he wanted was to rock it against Dean's body for a little bit of friction. 

“Cas,” Dean murmured against him as he shifted again, tightening his grip around Cas’s torso.

Dean's shifting did nothing to make Cas's situation less hard. He gasped and couldn't help himself as he softly rocked his erection against Dean as he moved one of his arms higher and his hand to the back of Dean's neck. "Hmm?" He wondered if Dean was already half asleep.

There was a beat of silence and then Dean started snoring. 

Which was so damn adorable that Cas had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. "Fuck, I love you," he murmured, biting his lip again out of fear that Dean might have heard it.

Which he apparently didn’t, as his snores grew a little louder and longer.

_That was close._ He closed his eyes again and tried to will away his erection, continuing to caress Dean's hair, his other hand sliding down over Dean's back until he reached the hem of his jeans. 

Damn, Dean's cock had looked so irresistible. He would have loved to touch it, stroke it, and most of all, see Dean's face when he made him come. He realized too late that he was rocking his cock against Dean’s groin again. He stopped himself, biting his lower lip. _Paula... try to think of Paula._

There was a soft growl, and Dean mumbled Cas’s name a few times under his breath.

Cas wondered if Dean was dreaming about him. Whatever that dream was about, Cas couldn't help picturing them having sex, and this was how Dean would sound, murmuring his name. He gasped quietly as he rocked his hips against Dean again. His whole body felt too hot. "Dean," he murmured, just to say his name. A part of him hoped he would wake up and this would go somewhere, another part hoped he wouldn't wake up so he had enough time to calm his traitorous dick.

“Mmm?” Was Dean’s tired response, but he didn’t make any attempt to lift his head or open his eyes.

"Nothing," Cas replied quietly, continuing to card his fingers through Dean's hair, hoping Dean didn't notice how hard his dick was. But considering Dean’s own erection was pressed against his, the chances weren't that high.

Dean grumbled something unintelligible, and hummed as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s neck before he proceeded to start snoring again.

_Oh, man,_ Dean wasn't making things easy, with the kiss, and the fact his cock was pressed against Cas's… He knew Dean wasn't aware of anything, clearly not present in the moment, but fuck... that didn't make any of this less hard for Cas. 

For a very weak moment he considered rocking his dick against Dean’s because he was now horny as hell, but he couldn't do that to Dean. That was just creepy behavior, and the last thing Cas wanted was to molest Dean.

The only decent option he had left was to get himself out of this situation. So he tried to extract himself from Dean, biting his lower lip as his shuffling only caused more friction. He groaned quietly, halting his movement before he tried again.

That was when Dean moaned softly and started gently rocking into Cas.

_Oh, fuck, this was not… gnnn okay... not okay... but fuck, that felt good. But not okay. Nope. Just why the fuck wasn't he moving away?_

Cas knew Dean was probably just reacting from the physical stimulation. If Cas exploited his state, he would be a very bad friend. He groaned and closed his eyes before he grabbed Dean’s arms and tried to still him so he could slide out from under his friend.

“Huh?” Dean asked as he blearily opened his eyes. “What’s up?” He still sounded half asleep.

“Um, sorry.” Cas cleared his throat. “I didn’t want to wake you. I just wanted to… Um, change our position.”

Dean nodded tiredly and moved to his side. “Was I crushing you?”

"Yeah," Cas replied quickly, thankful that Dean didn't seem to notice his own boner. Cas was angry that he immediately looked at Dean’s tented jeans, because he couldn't stop thinking about Dean's cock for longer than four seconds. He blamed the hormones.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against the side of Cas’s face as he pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“S’okay.” And in his weak moment (and because he was horny as fuck) he turned his head and captured Dean's lips in a real kiss.

Dean hummed contentedly as he kissed Cas back, lazy and gentle.

Cas moaned into the kiss before he deepened it, burying one hand in Dean's hair to pull him closer.

Dean started responding in a much more awake fashion, gripping Cas’s shirt as he tried to pull him on top of him. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and moaned into the kiss as he bucked up against him.

His left hand started trailing down Cas’s torso and just when it reached the hem of his pants, there was a loud and incessant knock at Dean’s door.

“Mom says dinner’s ready!” Sam barked through the closed door.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ Cas pulled away from Dean with a frustrated groan, his arousal instantly doused by the shock of Sam interrupting them. 

Cas raised an eyebrow before he held out his hand to pull Dean up. "Guess fun time is over."

Dean shook his head. “Yeah,” he groaned as he sat up. “Fucking little brothers.”

"You can say that again," Cas replied in a miffed tone. “You okay?”

That was met with a nod as Dean scrubbed his hand over his face. “Yeah, just waking up.”

Cas carded his hand through Dean’s hair and gave him a smile. “Yeah, you were out pretty quickly. I can go home if you’re toast.”

“You’re staying for dinner,” he argued. “Let’s see what Mom’s chicken surprise is this time.”

“Pizza?” Cas guessed with a smile.

Dean chuckled. “Only if she failed.”

Cas couldn’t help himself and pulled Dean into a quick kiss. He wondered what would have happened if Sam hadn’t knocked. “Pizza never gets boring though.”

“You’re not wrong,” Dean said with a chuckle before he pressed a quick peck to Cas’s lips, then unlocked his door and nodded for Cas to go first.

Cas winked before he walked past him and down the stairs. In his mind, he was still happily pretending to be Dean’s boyfriend. He loved this fantasy.

To his surprise it smelled delicious when they both got down to the kitchen. Cas gave Dean a surprised look. 

Dean furrowed his brow as he approached the table where John and Sam were already sitting. He pulled out a chair and the one next to it for Cas. “Shit, she didn’t burn it?”

John shook his head in apparent dismay.

“It smells rather… good. Delicious, in fact,” Cas added with a raised eyebrow.

“I made lasagne,” Mary announced as she put the casserole dish, filled with a steaming and very tasty looking lasagne, in the middle of the table. 

The three Winchester men shared looks of concern mixed with a little bit of dread. Mary rolled her eyes and started cutting it into pieces. 

When she had served up piece after piece on all of their plates, Mary sat down and lifted her glass of water. “Bon appetit!”

Dean poked at his lasagne with his fork, lips turned down in a grimace.

Cas decided in that moment to be the hero at the table, pushing his fork into it and taking a huge bite. The moment the gooey cheesy goodness hit his tongue, he couldn’t suppress a surprised moan. He swallowed his bite, giving Mary a wide eyed look. “This is like the best lasagne I have ever eaten!”

Mary beamed at him, whereas Dean looked at him suspiciously. He leaned in and whispered, “You’re overselling it.”

“No, seriously!” He took another bite. “It’s really good.”

Dean still looked skeptical, but he sighed and took the first bite. His eyes widened and he looked at Cas in surprise. “You weren’t exaggerating.” He turned to his Mom. “Where’d you pick this up?”

Mary looked smug. “I made it myself!”

Cas shoveled more of the lasagne into his mouth, realizing in that moment just how hungry he was. “It’s so good. I think this is going to be my favorite.”

At that John and Sam tentatively tried the dish before they both started inhaling it. Dean laughed and shook his head. “You’ve burned mac and cheese, Mom. How the hell did you pull this off?”

“I would say skill, but I think it was just luck.” She shrugged before she started to eat too, just as surprised as her family from the expression on her face.

“I hope you can recreate it again. It’s so good!” Cas complimented her.

Mary smiled and said, “Can we keep you and send Dean in your place?”

Dean poked his tongue out at her before he shoveled more lasagne into his mouth.

Cas smiled at her. “Can’t you just keep both of us?” He didn’t want to say that out loud. It just tumbled out of his mouth.

Mary hummed and shrugged her shoulders. “If you insist.”

“Love you too, Mom,” Dean sassed.

Cas felt embarrassed, and gave Mary a shy smile before he looked over at Dean. “You know I’ve got your back.”

Dean grinned back at him, cheeks puffed out from how much of the pasta he’d shoved into his mouth.

Cas shook his head. “You are aware that your food isn’t going anywhere? You can eat slowly and enjoy it.” He wiped tomato sauce from Dean’s chin with his napkin, because he couldn’t _not_ do it.

John chuckled and with a mouth full of food, said, “We dragged him up right.”

Well, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Cas chuckled and dug into his food again, enjoying every moment of having a family dinner. Because that was what this felt like. A family.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was the last month of school before they would finally be free for the summer, and Dean had let Rhonda talk him into ditching. He felt a little guilty, knowing that if Cas found out he’d be pissed at Dean, but he was hoping that Cas wouldn’t find out. They hit up a 7/11 to grab a couple of slushies before hanging out in Dean’s room.

His Dad was at work, and his Mom was actually out of town for the week. Grandpa Sam and Grandma Deanna were moving, and Mom flew back to give them a hand. Which meant he and Rhonda had the house to themselves. Which worked out, because Rhonda said she had a special surprise for him.

Usually, whenever Rhonda told him she had a “special” surprise, it was almost always something sexual. The first time it was flavored condoms and dental dams. The second had been lingerie. She came to school in an overly large trench coat and a friggin’ teddy. The third time she gave him a handjob on the L. Each time it was something more risque, more crazy. Dean kind of loved it.

When they reached his bedroom, Rhonda shook her messenger bag with an eyebrow waggle. 

Dean laughed as he dropped down on his bed and braced his slushie on the headboard. “Not sure what you’re waiting for.”

Rhonda smirked as she dropped her slushie on the desk and opened her messenger bag. She pulled out a pair of pink and satiny panties. 

Dean looked impressed and tilted his head in curiosity. “Just trying to figure out why you didn’t just put them on this morning.”

“Oh, Savage. That’s adorable. Thinking they’re for me.”

It took Dean longer than he cared to admit to realize exactly what she was implying, but when he did, his eyes widened. “What? Are you serious?”

That was met with an eye roll as she drew closer to him, dangling the panties. “I think it’ll be sexy as hell to see you model these for me. So, get to it,” she commanded as she tossed the panties onto his lap.

Dean wanted to protest, but then he shook his head at himself. It wasn’t a big deal, if she found it sexy, he could pull them on for a few minutes before they got down to business. Rhonda dropped onto his mattress, crossing her legs as she started sucking on a blow-pop she’d stolen from the Nurse’s office at school. 

Without any kind of strip tease, because she didn’t ask for it, Dean got rid of his clothes like he normally did, yanking his shirt up over his head and dropping his jeans and boxers down together in one fell swoop. After getting rid of his socks and shoes, Dean held up the panties and shook his head, before he started shrugging them on. 

They were a little snug as he pulled them up over his massive thighs, but fit almost perfectly when he got them all the way up. The satin material against his junk was… it was kind of awesome. The smooth, cool fabric made his dick twitch with interest. 

Rhonda’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s hotter than I anticipated. Go look at yourself in the mirror. Seriously.”

Dean chuckled dismissively, but still found himself moving in the direction of his door. The bathroom was across from his room, so he strolled through his empty hallway and into the bathroom. He flipped on the light and moved towards the back of the bathroom so he could see his entire form in the mirror. 

When he looked up he gasped. Dean turned around, looking over his shoulder to see his ass. It was kind of crazy how much he liked how he looked in them. He turned back to face the front of the mirror, caressing the hem of the panties. Dean shivered and shook his head in amazement. Damn, he really kinda liked it.

He was fully hard by the time he made it back to his bedroom. Rhonda’s eyebrows shot up, and she dropped the sucker on his night stand before she snapped her fingers and pointed to the mattress. “The lollipop isn’t enough.”

Well, she didn’t need to tell Dean twice. He dropped the panties onto the floor and jumped onto his bed, eagerly laying on his back. 

Rhonda laughed and immediately sucked him down in one go. 

Dean groaned and arched up, his cock encased by her amazing throat. “Fuck, you’re so good at that.”

Her chuckle caused an amazing reverberation against his dick and it probably would have been enough to push him over the edge if she hadn’t pulled off of him. Rhonda wiped her chin with the back of her hand. “Don’t compare me to Dudley Do Right.”

Dean shook his head in confusion. “Huh?”

Rhonda laughed and started giving him a handjob, slowly stroking him. “Your fluffer?”

Dean was genuinely starting to worry that maybe Rhonda hit her head or something, when she rolled her eyes at him.

“Castiel? You know, the kid that gets you all riled up usually right before you see me, then we fuck for a few hours until one of us passes out?”

“What?” he asked ineloquently, even more confused than he was before.

Rhonda laughed again and shook her head. “Good thing you’re pretty.” Just as she was about to lean forward and start blowing him again, her eyes lit up. “You wanna learn?”

Dean furrowed his brow. This was their most confusing sexual encounter yet, and it wasn’t even because of the panties. “Learn what?”

“Learn how to suck dick like I do.”

“W–why would you think I’d want to learn that?” Dean asked, his voice breaking just to cement his humiliation.

At that Rhonda let go of his dick with a sigh. “I’m not stupid, Dean. I’m offering you a chance to learn how to suck a dick right, so when you finally do it, you won’t suck. Get it?” she asked as she got up and grabbed her messenger bag.

Before Dean could formulate a response, Rhonda pulled a dildo out of the bag. It was huge, pretty close to Cas’s size, and hot pink. Dean licked his lips unwittingly, and Rhonda laughed outright.

“Why would I want to learn that?” she mimicked in a high pitched voice. “C’mere. Sit up.”

As though in a trance, Dean sat up. Rhonda handed him the dildo, it was heavier than he expected it to be. 

“Alright, Savage. Suck. Show me what you can do.”

Dean wanted to protest, at least, he was pretty sure a part of him did, but his body wasn’t listening at all. He tentatively licked the head of the silicone toy and wrapped his lips around it. This was fucking weird as hell.

Rhonda shook her head and grabbed the toy. “Alright, I’m gonna start fucking this into your mouth. I’ll go slow. Swirl your tongue around to move the saliva, coat this fake dick with it, it’ll make swallowing that much easier.”

Dean nodded, feeling nervous and aroused all at the same time. She knelt beside him and slowly shoved the toy in further, so Dean frantically started doing what she told him to do. He was producing so much spit, it started dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. When he moved his hand to wipe it away, Rhonda stopped him with her free hand. 

“Don’t. You’re gonna need all the lubrication you can get,” she said as she shoved the toy in deeper. 

There was this urge to choke every time she gently thrust it deeper, but he staved it off. The toy was about halfway down his throat when suddenly his bedroom door was opened. They frantically pulled apart, Dean choking on the fake dick outright when he made eye contact with his Dad.

Dad stood there, a look of utter shock on his face before he stammered, “Your mother wanted me to do your laundry and I… Um… yeah.” The door was closed and the sound of his father’s receding footsteps made Dean sicker with each faint thud against the hardwood floor.

Rhonda shook her head and quickly packed the toy and panties in her bag. “Shit. I’m, uh… I’m just gonna go out the window.” She gently grabbed his shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Wanna come with me? Your dad would’ve murdered you already if he was that pissed, right?”

Dean shook his head dumbly, feeling a weird combination of nauseated and numb. “No… I need to talk to him. I’ll call you.”

Rhonda nodded and slipped out of the window as Dean slowly put his clothes back on. He swallowed dryly and took a deep breath before he opened the door and made his way downstairs. 

Dad was in his recliner, drinking a beer. 

Dean bit back the urge to cry and stepped into the living room. “Uh, hey, Dad…”

“Hey, son,” he returned with an unsure smile. More of a pursing of lips really. 

He made his way to the couch and looked over at his Dad, who simply handed him the beer. Dean furrowed his brow in confusion. “What?”

Dad shrugged and said, “It’ll calm your nerves.”

Not needing any other reason, Dean took the beer and drank almost half of it down before handing it back to him. 

Dad took a swig and stared at the bottle as he calmly asked, “You gay, son?”

At least he was ripping the bandaid right off. Dean took a moment to try and plan out how he wanted to do this. 

Come out. Dean was about to come out to his Dad. “Kind of?”

That was met with a bemused head shake and furrowed brow. “What’s that mean?”

Dean sighed, bracing himself to clarify. “I’m into girls. Really into them. But I’m, uh… kinda really into guys, too.” His parents had never been judgemental people, in fact, both of them had gotten into fights with people, actual physical fights, to defend people being harassed for being “different.” But there was still this terrible, daunting fear that maybe when it came to their own kid, it wouldn’t be something they could accept.

After a beat of silence, John finally nodded and said, “Just… I mean, obviously you’re already experimenting, and it’s not like I can lock you away in your room for the rest of your life… Just promise me you’ll be safe, son. If you need condoms, I’ll buy you condoms. You just need to tell me.”

And suddenly Dean wondered how long he’d been in an episode of the _Twilight Zone._ Dean shook his head, a little bit over being confused so many times in one afternoon. “That’s it? You’re not gonna yell at me? Or kick me out? Or anything?”

Dad’s expression turned just as confused as Dean felt. “For fooling around with your girlfriend?”

“No, Dad,” Dean said as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “for not being straight.”

Of all of the responses Dean had mentally prepared for, his dad laughing wasn’t one of them. “Well, that’s even dumber than kicking you out for messing around with Rhonda.”

Dean stared at him, unable to process just how goddamn lucky he was. He immediately jumped up and yanked him into a hug. “Thank you, Dad.”

Dad chuckled and patted his back. “You want me to tell your mom, or do you want to tell her yourself?”

Dean drew back and smiled. “I’ll tell her. I think she already knows.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me. I’ll even let you off the hook for ditching, since you probably just went through the emotional wringer. Need me to call your school? Tell them I pulled you out?”

“Are you serious?”

Dad nodded. “Just this once. And you’re doing all the laundry and chores your mom wanted me to take care of while she’s gone.”

“Deal. Can I still hang out with Cas after school?”

“Sure. Just be home earlier than usual to do the dishes. Okay?”

Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek and grabbed his jacket on his way out of the front door. “I will. I will. I love you, Dad.”

Dad chuckled. “Love you too, son.”

Dean ran to Cas’s house, but it felt more like he was flying. Like the biggest weight had been lifted off of him, and now his gravity was all fucked. Cas’s car wasn’t in the driveway yet, so Dean moved to sit under the tree in their front yard. School had just gotten out ten minutes ago, so Cas would likely be pulling up soon.

He started making a daisy chain as he waited for his best friend to come home. Dean couldn’t wait to tell Cas what happened. Well, all but the thing about the panties. He wasn’t going to tell anyone how much he enjoyed that.

When the black Porsche finally pulled onto the street and parked, Cas didn’t see him immediately when he got out of the car. Instead he threw his school bag in the grass with a frustrated cry, kicking it angrily before his gaze fell on Dean. He froze and Dean noticed that he was bleeding from a cut on his left eyebrow.

His afternoon completely forgotten, Dean was immediately up and at Cas’s side. He cupped his face and shook his head. “What happened?”

To his surprise, Cas leaned away from his hand and stepped backwards. “Nothing,” he growled before his voice turned calmer and confused, ”What are you doing here? I thought we wouldn't see each other before tonight?”

Dean stood there, hands still raised. “Yeah, I wanted to see you sooner. But you clearly don’t. So, I guess I’ll leave,” he said with a soft sigh.

Cas grabbed his bag and turned to look in every direction as if he was looking for something, before he waved at Dean to follow him. “Don't be an idiot, Dean. I always want to see you.” 

He walked in the direction of the hedge, where the secret entrance was to their hideout.

Dean followed him through the hedge and grabbed him by the wrist to stop him. “What’s going on?”

Cas startled with the contact and pulled away from Dean again. “I… Can we go to our hideout first?” He asked, although he didn’t wait for an answer but instead ran quickly down the path to the tree house.

Dean shook his head in amazement. The hell was wrong with him? He followed the path, Cas already halfway inside the batcave when Dean caught up. He stepped inside and shook his head. “You’re freaking me out, Cas.”

“Sorry,” Cas mumbled, pulling a tissue from his bag to press against his eyebrow. “Just had a stupid day and I… all I wanted was to be here. Away from the stupid world outside.”

His concern for his friend calmed Dean down as he stepped close again. “What happened?”

Cas didn’t look at him. “Um, I… I fell… on my way home.”

“Bullshit,” Dean countered as he tilted Cas’s chin up. “Was it that asshole Luke?”

Cas pulled away, scrunching his nose up in a grimace as he stifled a pained groan. “No,” he pressed out. “He wouldn't dare touch me.”

Dean let out a frustrated huff. “Why won’t you tell me? Do you not trust me? And seeing as you keep trying to get away from me, maybe I need to leave you alone before this all really starts to hurt my feelings.”

Cas’s eyes suddenly looked empty and his voice sounded weirdly detached. “You’re right. You should leave. It's for the best.”

“Cas?” Dean hated the way his voice trembled, but he’d never seen Cas like this before and he had no idea how to react. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Look, if you need me to leave, I will, but you’re scaring me and I don’t know how to fix it, and I need your help. Please tell me what I gotta do to fix it?”

For a long moment it looked like Cas wasn’t going to react, his gaze staring into nothingness before a tear suddenly ran over his cheek and he whispered, “Run away with me?”

Dean was at his side, cupping his face, wiping the tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Vegas?” he suggested with a soft smile.

Cas chuckled, but it sounded broken. He looked away as he breathed out, “Yeah. Or whatever.”

Dean kept caressing Cas’s cheek. “Tell me what happened,” he gently urged.

It took forever for Cas to answer, and when he did, he didn't look at Dean. “My brother is home. He insisted on driving me home from school. He doesn't like when I say _no_ to him.”

“So he hit you?” Dean asked, his concern for Cas slowly turning into unadulterated rage toward this dickhead older brother. 

“He calls it chastising… so I learn to respect him.” He whimpered as he grabbed the hem of his shirt. “I didn’t pull away from you… to hurt your feelings. I’m just in pain.” He lifted his shirt and pulled it off slowly and Dean could see the red swellings on his torso, and something that looked like a shoe print on his stomach.

Dean swallowed dryly as his lip trembled. He had never been so pissed in his entire life. Without missing a beat, Dean turned around and left the treehouse, marching straight for Cas’s driveway.

He heard a pained cry behind him, when Cas jumped from the ladder to the ground, yelling in a panicked voice, “Dean, no, please, stop! You'll only make it worse for me.”

“Shit, Cas,” Dean cried out as he was immediately at his side. He looked him over for further injury. “That fucker doesn’t get to beat the fuck out of you and not deal with the consequences.”

Cas shook his head, more tears running from his eyes. “You don’t get it, Dean. No one will believe it was him. No one. My parents will do anything to protect Michael. He is the one who will get the law firm from my father… he is untouchable. And if you tell anyone… he will just beat me up even more. Please promise me you won't tell anyone!”

Dean had never felt more conflicted in his life. He let out a shaky breath and tried to calm his racing heart. He gently braced his arm around Cas and guided him forward. “You’re coming home with me. Come on.”

“Can you help me back into my shirt?” Cas asked, his fingers whiteknuckling the fabric in his hand.

“Yeah,” he murmured softly as he helped Cas put on his shirt, and braced his arm around him again as they slowly made their way back to Cas’s car. Dean held his other hand out. “Gimme your keys.”

Cas rolled his eyes, obviously contemplating whether to reply with a probably snarky comment, before he sighed and handed Dean the key.

He helped him into the passenger seat and slid behind the wheel. He hadn’t gotten his licence for Illinois yet, but he still had his Kansas one and they didn’t live far from each other. Dean didn’t even bother with the stereo, other than turning it off as he drove the five minutes in silence, doing everything he could to not scream, or cry.

Cas was quiet as Dean helped him out and up to the front door. When he opened it, Dad was walking through the hallway, awkwardly carrying a bowl of popcorn and another beer. When he saw Cas, he dropped the popcorn, kernels scattering everywhere as he braced the beer on the mail table before he was at their sides. 

“Cas? What happened?” The second question was directed at Dean.

Cas swallowed visibly and gave Dean a begging look before he stammered, “Um, I fell down the stairs.”

“Cas…” Dean said, finding himself torn between lying for Cas to protect him, and wanting his Dad to fix this. Because his dad could fix it. He had to be able to. 

Dean had never seen Cas afraid like this before, as he barely visibly shook his head.

Dean shot his dad a helpless look, to which Dad nodded in understanding and guided Cas into the living room. “I’m grabbing the First Aid kit, so you boys just wait here on the couch.”

As soon as they were sitting on the couch, Cas leaned against Dean’s shoulder, resting his head against him. “Thank you, Dean,” he whispered.

“No thanks necessary. You matter more than how much I want to hurt your brother right now.”

Cas looked up and gave him a weak smile. “I know it’s hard for you not to say anything… but believe me… telling anyone would just make it worse. I don’t know what he would do to me if I actually make problems for him.”

Dean sighed and nodded. “I’m so fucking pissed still. But I won’t do anything to make it worse for you. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Cas murmured, before he pressed a quick kiss to his throat. 

Dean cupped Cas’s cheek and sighed, the rush of adrenaline slowly making way for emotional exhaustion. In that moment, Dad returned, carrying the First Aid kit and a beer. He sat on the coffee table and handed the beer to Cas. “Let me clean up that cut, kid.”

Cas hesitantly leaned away from Dean, his posture slightly hunched forward as he pressed the bottle against his stomach, “Thank you.”

“Drink up, Cas,” Dad said as he pulled out the iodine and a cotton ball.

Dean gave him a reassuring smile and moved away from Cas, just to make sure he wasn’t in the way.

Cas flashed him a longing look before he turned to John again with a slight head shake. “I’m not allowed to drink alcohol.”

Dad braced his hand against Cas’s knee. “You get a pass. You’re staying here tonight and I’m not gonna tell your parents. Don’t want to know what your father would try to do to me,” he said with a good natured chuckle.

Cas gave him a grateful smile, before he nodded and bit his lower lip hard. Dean could see that he was fighting not to cry in front of John.

Dean started rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Dad, can you give us a minute? I can help Cas.”

Dad nodded and patted Cas’s knee again before he disappeared through the kitchen entryway.

Cas turned to look at Dean, taking a few deep and too quick breaths. “I wish I could just stay here,” he whispered, before the tears suddenly won the fight. Cas’s whole body shook as he tried to breathe, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes.

“Well,” Dean started as he gently dabbed the iodine soaked cotton ball to his cut, “we’ll start with tonight and go from there.” If it was Dean’s call to make, he’d be going back to grab all of Cas’s things right then and there.

“I’m afraid that Michael will come over here and drag my ass back home.” He shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. “It’s so stupid. He doesn’t even know where you live.”

“Then you’re safe. How long before your parents come back?” Dean never thought he’d be grateful for their return, although considering how they were with Cas, maybe that wasn’t much safer.

“Um, two weeks, I think,” Cas murmured tiredly.

Dean placed a small strip of bandage over the cut over his eyebrow. “Want me to see if Mom and Dad will let you crash here until then?”

Cas nodded slowly. “Do you think they will allow it?”

“Definitely.” Dean gave him a reassuring smile. “Wanna go lay down on my bed?”

Cas nodded again, mirroring his smile although it didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah… Sitting up and standing… kind of hurts a lot.”

“Come on,” Dean said as he stood up, holding his hands out for Cas to grab.

Cas took it and let himself get dragged up with a soft groan, still holding his hand over his stomach with squinted eyes.

Dean slung his arm around Cas’s back to help him up the stairs, focusing on each step, doing what he could to harness his anger. The silence was heavy between them; Dean just accepted it, at least until they were behind closed doors. When they reached his room, he carefully helped Cas to his bed. 

“My mom might have a cream for the bruises. Do you want me to grab it?”

Cas nodded and grabbed his wrist. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

The way his lip trembled was innate. Dean looked up, trying to stave off the tears. He took a deep breath and slowly forced himself to look Cas in the eye. “I’m pissed. And I’m feeling a lot of things right now, but mostly I just want to make sure you’re okay. That you’re safe.”

Cas braced himself on his elbows, before he sat up and pulled Dean into a soft kiss. He leaned his forehead against Dean’s and murmured, “I have never felt more safe in my life than with you, Dean.”

Dean leaned in for another kiss, a slower, grounding, grateful kiss. “I’m gonna get that cream, maybe some ice. Do you want anything else? Food? That beer?”

“I think I really want that beer if I can share it with you.” He grinned at Dean and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. “And ice for the swelling would be good, I think.”

Dean nodded and turned his face to kiss Cas’s thumb. “Alright. I’ll be right back.”

At Cas’s nod, Dean got up and made his way downstairs. After rifling through the bathroom cabinet, he found the cream his Mom always used when he or Sam were stupid kids. He grabbed the makeshift hot water bottle and made his way to the kitchen. 

Dad was washing the dishes. 

Dean needed to buy that man ad space, promoting him as the best father in the whole damn universe. “I was still gonna do them, Dad.”

“I know, Dean. But Cas needs you so that’s more important.” His Dad dried his hands on a towel as he slowly turned around. “I know he didn’t fall down the stairs and I know he asked you not to talk to me… but… is it just the cut on his head? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Dean was, for once, damn grateful for his Dad’s superhuman hearing. “No, but he’s got some bruises on his stomach and rib cage. Can he stay here until his parents get back?”

“Of course.” John leaned back against the kitchen counter, a worried expression on his face. “Do me a favor though. If his pain gets worse, please come to me or your mom.”

Dean nodded and immediately went in for a hug. “Thank you, Dad.”

“You can thank me by stopping skipping school,” his Dad replied with a raised eyebrow and a chuckle as he hugged him back. “Take care of Cas. And I think this goes without saying, but… don’t do anything strenuous with him as long as he is recovering.”

The heat that rushed to his cheeks was palpable. Dean shook his head. “We’re not boyfriends, Dad.” 

John clapped Dean’s shoulder with a smile that told him he didn’t believe Dean for a second. “Of course you aren’t.”

“Whatever,” he breathed out with a laugh before he proceeded to fill the hot water bottle knock off with ice. He grabbed a box of goldfish crackers, the beer from the living room, and made his way back to his room.

When he reached the door, Cas was curled up against his pillow. “You awake?” Dean whispered.

Cas hummed and turned around to him with a weak smile, his hair in complete disarray. “Yeah,” he answered in a tired voice as he shuffled on the bed to make space for Dean. “Did you ask your Dad if I can stay?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, he said it was okay as long as I don’t try to have sex with you while you’re healing,” he said in amazed chuckle.

Cas raised his eyebrows. “Does he know… about you?”

“That’s what I came over to tell you,” he said with a soft smile as he handed Cas the beer and started getting everything situated.

“How?” Cas gave him an awed look. “What happened?”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I think that’s a story for when you feel better. Speaking of which…” He held up the cream. “Want me to rub this in for you?”

“Wanna play doctor with me?” Cas chuckled, before he gave the go ahead with a grin and a wink. 

Dean smiled and tugged at Cas’s shirt. “Something like that.”

Cas braced his weight on his elbow before he helped Dean to remove the shirt. His friend’s gaze wandered over his own body with a sigh, flashing Dean a puppy-eye look. “This doesn't really work for your poster. Did you get some ice?”

Dean nodded and handed him the water bottle. “Let me rub the cream on first.”

Cas gave him a playful smile. “Can we pretend I fought bravely against a dragon, and you found me out in the field and took care of me before you fell head over heels in love with me?”

Dean forced a girlish giggle. “Oh, fair knight. You fought so bravely.”

Cas held the back of his hand dramatically in front of his eyes and breathed out, “The dragon is still alive though… maybe I’ll get to defeat it one day, if you heal me again… fair doctor.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I’m a healer, get it right, Cas.”

“Um, yeah, of course… my fair healer.” He could see Cas hiding his grin behind his hand. “So you have a magic cream to get me better?”

“I do, show me where it hurts most and I’ll start there.”

Cas slid his other hand over his own chest and pointed at an angry red bruise right under his ribcage. “Here,” he breathed out.

Dean bit back the growl that threatened to escape as he moved to kneel on the bed, next to Cas’s side, before he grabbed the cream and started warming it up a little in his hands. He carefully reached out and ghosted his fingers along the bruise. “Can I massage it in, or does it hurt too much?”

“I'm not sure. You can try and I’ll tell you if it hurts,” Cas suggested, rubbing his fingers over Dean’s knee. Almost like Cas wanted to comfort him.

He carefully started massaging the cream in. Dean turned to Cas with a questioning look.

Cas bit his lower lip and nodded at Dean. He could feel Cas tensing up, a quiet whimper falling from his mouth as he applied more pressure. His friend was clearly trying to keep his noises in check.

“Cas, Buddy. You can tell me if it hurts. I won’t call you a baby in a jersey.” Dean gave him a reassuring smile.

“It hurts, but I'll deal. Last year was worse,” Cas replied, sounding muffled by the hand that was rubbing over his face.

Dean almost didn’t want to know, but it didn’t stop him from asking, “What happened last year?”

Cas looked up at the ceiling, not answering directly. When he did, he sounded thoughtful. “Michael has problems controlling his emotions. He is usually pretty cold; you would think he is like a robot, you know?” Cas shrugged before he looked at Dean. “Sometimes he just loses it over nothing. It could be the tiniest thing that sets him off. Last year I just wanted to get past him down the stairs, and he yelled at me, demanding why I looked at him funny. And I just told him that I wasn’t looking at him. He thought the appropriate answer was to push me… just that the stairs were right behind me. I told my father that Michael had pushed me… but he didn’t believe me. Because Michael had already told him that I fell down the stairs because I’m clumsy and he had to call an ambulance. Which he did. So it looked like he was the hero in the story.”

Yeah, there was no way in hell that Dean was going to let Cas go back to his house. Not with a fucking psychopath waiting for him. He shook his head and held Cas’s hand while his other continued to rub the cream on his bruises. “Should we go back and get Gabe? I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad, as well as Sam, would be fine with him staying too.”

Cas shrugged and gave Dean a long look. “Yeah, we can do that. But he isn’t in danger or anything. My parents love Gabe. He is the youngest. Even Michael is nice to him.”

“Then if he’s safe, what would be better? I mean, for you, in the long run?” If bringing Gabe over for the next two weeks would make things worse for Cas when he finally went home… Well, as long as there was no risk of Gabe getting hurt, then no contest.

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand before he answered, “I’m not sure. The past few summers I spent most of my time with friends. Gabe usually does his own stuff. But Michael might react weird if Gabe and I spent our time here… cause that would mean Gabe would be spending time with me instead of him. It’s hard to say. His mind is pretty twisted.”

Dean just wanted to wrap Cas up in a blanket and keep him safe. “Does… does Gabe know?”

Cas shook his head before he shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think so… it’s not like I would go to my little brother and complain about my older brother being an asshole to me.” Cas scrubbed his free hand over his face. “And Michael does this pretty methodically, somehow always managing to paint me in a bad light.”

It was probably better to keep Gabe in the dark. If Dean was in a fucked up situation like that, he knew he would want to protect Sammy from it as much as possible. Dean finished up with Cas’s bruises and gave his hand another comforting squeeze. “Whatever you think will be best, we’ll make it happen.” 

Dean wiped his hand off on the comforter before he grabbed the beer and handed it back to Cas.

Cas braced himself on his elbow before he took a careful sip from the bottle and shook his head. “Thank you… I seriously can’t wait for school to be over, so I can finally move out.”

Dean sighed and moved to lay next to Cas, propped up on his elbow in kind as he took the bottle from him to take a swig. “And you’re sure I can’t punch your brother in the junk?”

“If you don’t want me to get murdered in my sleep.” The worst part was that Cas didn’t even look like he was kidding. Cas touched Dean’s elbow with his finger, gently writing something on his skin. “Can you distract me a little bit? Maybe tell me about your day? You didn’t tell me how your Dad found out about you.”

Dean gave him a reassuring smile as he handed him the beer back. “Okay, but be prepared to laugh at me.”

Cas grinned and took a swig from the bottle before handing it back. “Did you do something stupid? Like masturbating while looking at your Gunner poster?”

“That would have been less embarrassing.” Dean chuckled and shook his head. “First, and before you bitch me out, Dad bailed me out so I won’t get in trouble at school, but… Rhonda and I ditched the last couple of periods to come fool around in my room.”

As he expected, Cas looked really uncomfortable and annoyed with that. But he just shook his head before he answered, “Okay, I don’t need any details… But how did the story go from Rhonda to being outed… cause I’m pretty sure, she’s a girl… or a troll.”

Dean laughed and took another swig of the beer before handing it back. “If trolls are weirdly aware, maybe. But, uh… the details are kind of how I was outed.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him, looking thoroughly confused. “Weirdly aware of what… and what did she do with you?”

“Well, uh… when I told her how good she was at giving head, she kind of shanghaied me into learning how to do it. So she pulled out this hot pink dildo and, well…”

Cas obviously seemed to have trouble following, before his eyebrows shot to his hairline. “She made you suck her dildo?”

Dean let out an amazed laugh, still reeling at everything that happened in that short span of time. “Yeah, so there I am, butt naked, choking on a fake pink dick, and who walks in?”

Cas made a sound that sounded like a mixture of a hum and a broken huff of laughter. He looked away, biting his lower lip as it twitched. “I, hum, um, see. So your, hm… Dad came in?” he asked, his voice barely concealing how much he was fighting not to laugh.

“Yeah. And he was trying to explain himself before he bolted and seriously, Cas… I’ve never been more humiliated and terrified in my entire life.” Dean shook his head and took the beer back.

Cas nodded. “Oh, man… a hot pink dildo though…” He hid his face behind his palms. His voice sounded muffled and higher pitched than usual as he pressed out, “I can’t stop picturing it.”

“Seriously,” Dean murmured in between huffs of barely contained laughter.

“I’m so sorry.” Cas chuckled again before he suppressed it by pressing his lips together. He rubbed his hand over his eyes before he looked at Dean. “So, what then? Did he talk to you about it?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, after Rhonda climbed out the window, and I was dressed, I went downstairs to face the music. Dad asked me if I was gay, I told him kinda. He told me to make sure I use condoms, and that was it.”

Cas flashed him a soft smile, breathing out, “Your dad really is the best.” He looked away again before he suddenly started laughing, shaking his head as he tried to apologize, “Um, sorry. It’s just so… Damn… I can’t stop picturing it.”

Dean snatched the beer back from Cas, already feeling relaxed. “I’m just glad that’s all he walked in on. I would have died of actual embarrassment if he’d walked in on her fucking me with it or something.”

Cas turned away from him, having an obvious laughing fit that seemed to get worse, that he tried to smother with Dean’s pillow. It was infectious.

It was a goddamn relief to see him laugh like that. Maybe Dean couldn’t fix everything for his best friend, but at least his need to try appeared to be helping. After taking another swig, he handed Cas the beer back. “You’re imagining that now, aren’t you?”

Cas pressed his lips together, but the wide grin was still there. He wiggled his eyebrows at him before he cleared his throat and asked, “Um, have you done it before? Sex like that?”

“Not yet,” Dean said. It was weird how appealing it was though.

Cas gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. A mixture between thoughtful and curious. “When you do it… would you tell me what it’s like?” he finally asked.

Dean nodded. “Sure. I mean, as my best friend, I think it’s law that I have to tell you all my big firsts.”

“It is?” Cas asked with a smile.

“Oh, yeah,” Dean affirmed as he took one more gulp and gave Cas the rest to finish off, “and that goes both ways.”

Cas blinked at Dean before he emptied the bottle and put it on the night stand. “Are you angry that I didn’t tell you about having sex with Lenore the first time?”

Dean dropped his head to Cas’s shoulder. “Not angry. A little hurt maybe.”

Cas instantly had his fingers in Dean’s hair. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t know this was important to you.”

“I mean, it’s your business and if you don’t want to share it, I don’t wanna force you to do it. I just figured… important stuff… you know?”

“Yeah, I told you that I felt uncomfortable sharing this. Not because of me… but because of her. I don’t like it when boys talk about girls like sex objects. But I know that wasn’t what you meant when you wanted me to share that first, and I’m sorry.”

Dean turned his head to press a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Then you’re forgiven. Just don’t let it happen again.”

“Okay… although I will probably need a lot of time before I meet someone again. So don’t expect any updates soon.” He chuckled and nuzzled his nose against Dean’s hair.

“In any good chick flick, that confession would be the lead in to you meeting and falling in love with your soul mate,” Dean mused with a chuckle.

Cas shook his head slightly before he replied, “Well, the soul mate has to wait until I move out. I… I want to have a boyfriend.”

Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Well, if you’re still down to go to Pride, then maybe you will.” 

Cas lifted his arm to put it behind his head, making his bicep muscle more prominent. “I don’t know if you can just… meet a guy by going there… Do you think?”

“You never know.” Dean shrugged and started tracing his index finger along the lines of his arm muscles.

Cas grinned and turned his face to press it into Dean’s hair. “That tickles, Dean. Are you drawing a dick on me again?” 

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Yeah. A hot pink fake one.”

Cas chuckled again before he mumbled, “I prefer a real one.” He turned slightly on the bed to lean closer, putting his other hand on Dean’s waist as he rubbed his hand slowly over it. “I already tried it with a girl. I wanna see if it’s different with a guy. Maybe that will also give me an answer about… what I like in general.”

“So, what are you looking for? Or do you think you might be looking for?” Dean asked as he rested his chin on his left hand, splayed across Cas’s chest.

Cas shrugged. “Just someone nice, you know? Who makes me laugh… Someone I can trust.”

Dean laughed and shook his head. “I meant looks wise.”

“Oh, um.” Cas seemed to be thinking that over before he murmured, “Yeah, I… I don’t know. Freckles would help, I guess. I like freckles. They make people look sassy.”

“Ugh, I hate my freckles,” Dean groaned in annoyance. 

Cas pushed Dean down on the mattress and hovered over him with a playfully stern look, before he cooed at his freckles, rubbing gently over Dean’s cheek. “Don’t listen to that ignorant boy. I love all of you.”

Dean rolled his eyes and flicked Cas’s nose. “Don’t make me tickle you.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. “We have a tickle truce.”

“Yeah, that was until you started baby talking my freckles.”

“Well I happen to like them… a lot. So don’t say bad stuff about them.” Cas replied with a pout.

Dean ruffled Cas’s gravity defying hair and smiled. “Sorry.”

Cas returned the smile and for a while they just looked at each other before Cas cleared his throat. “So, yeah, freckles. The guy needs to be nice, funny, and have freckles.”

“So… Howdy Doody?” Dean sassed, unable to hide his smirk.

Cas gave him a shocked look. “Puppets are creepy, Dean! Period. No matter how many freckles.” He shuddered before he grinned. “Do you know who I would date in a second? Doogie Howser.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Hate to break it to ya’, but the guy’s straight.”

Cas chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, for a very long time I thought everyone was straight.”

“Yeah, well… kinda hard not to when it’s all we see.”

“I think it’s good we’re going to Pride. Maybe it’ll be good to see how many there are out there… like us.”

Dean smiled. “Plus, if you go shirtless, you could probably score us free drinks.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not sure that is going to work, but I can try. Maybe I’ll at least meet a guy to make out with.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?” Dean asked with an indignant laugh.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Well, making out with you has a serious disadvantage though.”

And now Dean felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “Yeah?” he reluctantly asked.

“I always have to stop after a few minutes,” Cas explained in a low voice.

“Yeah,” Dean said, trying to keep the sadness out of his tone. It was easy to forget about the small burning crush Dean had on his best friend, and then the reality that Cas wasn’t really into anyone would strike, and he was brutally reminded of it.

Cas grinned at him and chucked his chin. “If we weren’t best friends you definitely wouldn’t need a hot pink dildo though.” 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “This thing was a little smaller than you, I would definitely choke on you.”

“Yeah.” Cas laughed. “I don’t think I’ll ever get a blow job when that is the reaction to my dick.”

“Awww,” Dean teased as he pinched Cas’s cheek, “Don’t you worry, somebody out there will suck your Godzilla dick.”

“Guess I need a guy with a big mouth,” Cas replied, scrunching his nose as he playfully tried to swat Dean’s hand away from his cheek.

Dean smiled and held Cas’s hand with his, bracing them against their chests. “You okay?” _Are you feeling better?_

Cas seemed to get it. His eyes turned soft, and he simply nodded before he leaned forward and kissed Dean. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Cas.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas took his time changing in the locker room after his last gym class before the summer break. He had told the teacher that he wasn’t feeling well so he just partially took part in the exercises; his stomach still hurt from where Michael had kicked him. 

Though it felt a lot better since last night. Spending the night with Dean did wonders for his mood, and he was happy that he could go and stay with them for the next two weeks. He had already talked with Gabriel, telling him that he would be staying at Dean’s place, and that he should call him if he needed anything. Gabe didn’t ask any questions and Cas was sure that he would be okay. He wouldn’t have left him alone at home with Michael if he hadn’t been sure about that. When Gabe told him that Michael had promised to drive to the beach with him, and they would have a lot of ice cream, Cas was even more sure than ever that for some reason Michael only hated him. 

Now he just needed a plan to get a bag full of clothes for the next two weeks. Maybe Dean would go with him.

He was deep in thought when he got into the locker room, not noticing anyone in there. _Perfect._ He didn’t need anyone to see him at the moment. He carefully pulled up his shirt, groaning from the way the simple movement hurt.

“What the fuck?” An unwelcome voice demanded. Luke.

Cas startled as he quickly pulled his new shirt on, covering the bruises. “What?” he growled.

Luke stormed forward and yanked Cas’s shirt up. “Did _he_ do this?”

Cas stepped back, trying to get out of Luke’s grasp, causing his back to slam against the lockers. “Who?” he asked in confusion, trying to pull his shirt down again.

“That fag who follows you around.” 

Cas pushed Luke away from him with an angry snarl, immediately regretting the movement when a sharp pain jolted through his body. “Stop calling Dean a fag. Of course it wasn’t him. What the hell, Luke?”

Luke scoffed and helped Cas sit down on the bench. “Someone beat the hell out of you and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the Ike to your Tina.”

Cas rolled his eyes, surprised by the almost gentle way Luke had helped him sit down. “Well, it wasn’t Dean. And it doesn’t matter how often you imply it, he isn’t my boyfriend.”

“Who was it?” Luke gently demanded.

“It’s no one you know, Luke,” he hissed, rubbing over his stomach.

Luke scoffed. “Fine, I’ll go tell Coach–“

Cas quickly grabbed Luke’s shoulder. “No, please don’t. Don’t tell anyone. Please. You’ll only make it worse for me.”

“Really? Worse?” Luke let out a mirthless laugh. 

Cas gripped Luke’s shoulder tighter to hold him in place, giving him a pleading look. “Please… If he knows I talked he’ll just do it again.” He took in a shuddered breath. “It’s no one from school so… there is nothing you could do. If you really wanna help, please don’t tell anyone.”

Luke shoved Cas’s hand away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

Cas startled again, holding his hands up. “Alright, um, sorry.”

Luke cursed and punched a locker before dropping down on the bench opposite from him. 

“Luke?” Cas asked hesitantly, before he swallowed dryly. “You okay?”

“M’fine. Just don’t want your faggy hands on me,” he spat.

_Great._ Just when he had started to believe there was a shred of decency in Luke’s body. “You’re an asshole.” Cas growled as he grabbed his bag and decided to go directly to his car. _Fuck everything._

Luke yanked him back around. “You’re the asshole!”

“Wow, that was creative.” Cas snarked back, now really pissed. “Did you come up with that by yourself?” He pushed Luke against the locker. He wasn’t going to let himself get pushed around, even with his body hurting like hell. Especially not by some homophobic asshole. 

“Yeah, and without the help of a cocksucking douchebag fighting my battles for me,” he spat as he shoved Cas’s hands away.

Cas crowded Luke against the locker again, staring down at him. “What the fuck are you even talking about?”

Luke scoffed, which gave way to a mocking laugh. “Your faggot friend, always standing up for you and shit. But then, you guys are butt buddies, right?”

Cas gave Luke a disgusted look as he scoffed. "Dean's my best friend. That’s what friends do. But you wouldn't know that since you push everyone away with your stupid behavior." He squinted his eyes at him. "What's your problem, Luke? Why are you so afraid of gay people?"

His eyes widened and his brow was furrowed. “So it’s true?”

Cas rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Luke. I didn't say that we _are_ gay. I asked what your problem with being gay is?"

Luke shoved him off again. “Just leave me alone.”

"Hey, you started this," Cas growled. "And just so you fucking know, there is nothing wrong with liking guys, you asshole. So if you think you can insult me with that, guess what? It won’t work."

“Only fags say shit like that.”

It was that moment when Cas suddenly felt like nothing mattered anymore. He walked up to Luke and pushed him hard against the lockers. "So what if I like guys? What are you going to do? Give me another beating? Go on and try!"

Luke seized Cas by his shirt collar and used his own momentum to shove Cas back and slam him against the lockers in turn. His eyes searched Cas’s face for a brief moment before he tensed. Cas braced himself for the punch, but it never came. Instead, Luke moved his hands to cup Cas’s face as he yanked him into a kiss.

Cas had not expected this, and he totally froze in surprise not knowing what to do.

Luke drew back with a horrified expression and pushed himself away from Cas, grabbing his backpack and darting out of the locker room.

"Luke!" Cas yelled after him, trying to stop him from running away, but it was already too late.

_Fuck._ He had completely misread the whole situation. Luke was gay. He needed a long moment to come to terms with that. But the only thing he had on his mind was... if he could help Luke in any way. Because, yes... Luke was an asshole. But he was also part of his team.

And Cas didn't want to abandon him in this situation.

Even if Luke pushed him away, which he probably would, he still needed to try to help him come to terms with this. Luke had clearly been totally alone with this secret. Without Dean, Cas probably would have never come to terms with it either.

Luke had no one. 

So Cas slowly grabbed his backpack and walked out of the locker room, hoping he would catch up to him.

He hadn’t expected to find him behind the gym, kicking the dumpsters with angry huffs. He put down his bag and walked up to him, holding up his hands. “Luke, hey, please don’t run away again, okay? I just wanna talk.”

“Fuck off,” he groaned more than anything, not turning to look up at Cas.

“Luke… Come on,” he growled. “Don’t be a dick.” He slowly walked closer. “I’m not going to tell anyone, if you’re worried.”

“Tell anyone what?” He sneered, “That you kissed me like the faggot you are?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “You and I both know the truth though. The question is, are you going to be all chicken shit and run away from this? Or do you want to try it again?”

“What?” He sounded more confused than angry.

Confused was good. ‘Cause now Cas had a better chance of Luke actually listening to him. He stepped in front of him, giving him a reassuring smile. “It's just us. No one else... and you know you can trust me. We’ve known each other for over five years now, and although you can be a colossal pain in the ass, you're a part of my team. You’re important to me… You know what happened. And I know you don't want this to be true. But there is a part of you that, despite everything, despite how scary this is, still wants this. If you continue to push this part of yourself away, it will keep making you unhappy and angry.” He stepped closer, taking in a deep breath. “You were brave back there. The question is do you want to be brave again, or run away from this?”

Luke appeared hesitant, almost like a trapped wild animal. “I’m not a fag.”

Cas shrugged. “I'm not asking if you're gay or bisexual. Why did you kiss me? Be honest.”

“Maybe your gay shit is contagious,” he said in a soft scoff.

Usually shit like that would provoke him, but Cas could see what was happening. So he tried to resolve this with humor, trying to get Luke to relax. “Oh, right, that must be it. I didn’t read the warning label when I opened the gay package I ordered, and now my gay stuff is everywhere.” He smirked at him. “You know kissing is a lot better if the other person gets a heads up, right?”

“What are you saying?” He sounded even more confused.

“You wanna try it again? See what it feels like when I kiss you back?” Cas asked calmly.

Luke’s eyes widened and he seemed to be frozen to the spot. “You hate me…”

“I don’t hate you. I'm just mostly pissed at you,” Cas explained, happy that he was starting to get through to him. “I thought you hated me though.”

“I do,” he said petulantly, not making eye contact.

Cas couldn’t help but grin at that. “I see,” he stated as he stepped right in front of him. “You haven't answered my question yet.”

Luke took a step away from Cas. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want to show you that it isn't the end of the world getting turned on by another guy. And if you aren't sure about where you stand yet, maybe after you kiss me again… well, you’ll know for sure,” Cas explained, keeping his distance now. Luke needed to take the next step forward. 

“It’s wrong,” he breathed out.

“According to whom? The church? Your parents? Your friends? There is a fuck ton of people out there who don't think it's wrong. I belong to those people.” He took in a deep breath. “But you're right to be afraid of this. In the end, being different means being a target.” He pulled up his shirt, showing him his bruises, to underline this for Luke. “If you think I'm wrong then you side with the assholes who did this to me.”

Luke stared at him for a moment before he rushed forward and kissed Cas again.

This time Cas was prepared. He buried his fingers in Luke’s short blonde hair and carefully kissed him back. He still got the feeling that one wrong or too quick move would scare Luke away again. 

It wasn’t a deep kiss, just Luke’s lips pressed to his, and Cas could practically feel the tenseness radiating from him before he steered the kiss to something softer, sliding his lips gently over Luke’s as he rubbed his fingernails over the back of Luke’s neck. 

He slowly leaned back to give him a reassuring smile. “Did that feel wrong to you?”

Luke appeared a little dazed as he shook his head. He ducked Cas’s gaze as he gently caressed the side the biggest bruise was on. “Is it your dad?”

Cas slowly shook his head, deciding to be honest with Luke because he felt this was an important moment. “My big brother. Although my parents would beat the crap out of me too for this.”

Luke turned and lifted his shirt and the wife beater he always wore under his jersey. There was a solid white line where the skin was revealed. He quickly pulled it down again. “I get it.”

Everything suddenly made a fuck ton more sense. He slid his fingers gently over Luke’s sides and took in a deep breath. “It sucks… I mean, you would think that they should love you, no matter what…” He shook his head and gave Luke a determined look. “Fuck them. It's just one more year and then we can do whatever the hell we want. Until then… I'm here for you, Luke. And if you want to try out kissing and stuff… I'm here for that too.”

Luke shook his head, letting out a mirthless chuckle. “This is fucked up, Castiel.”

“Yeah. So what?” He chuckled and shook his head. “I'm so done with feeling guilty or ashamed about these things. I like what I like.” 

He let out a soft laugh. “I guess this means I’ll have to start being nice to you.”

Cas bit his lower lip to hide the grin before he leaned over for a brush of lips. “If you want to feel my tongue in your mouth that would be a start.”

Luke groaned and immediately dove in. The scared, shy guy was all but gone as he slipped his tongue between Cas’s lips with surprising efficiency.

Cas gasped as he parted his lips and kissed back, pulling out all the stops of everything he had learned about kissing, as he pressed Luke gently against the wall behind him. He was instantly aroused and he wondered if maybe Lenore had been right. Maybe guys just did it more for him.

Firm hands roamed his body as Luke gave as good as he got.

“Fuck,” Cas breathed out, sliding his palms over Luke’s chest. “You’re surprisingly good at this.”

Luke smirked at him. “Just because I brag about my skills doesn’t mean I’m exaggerating.”

Cas returned the smirk. “Lucky me then.” He drew him into another kiss, licking into his mouth and over Luke’s tongue as he wrapped his arms around him to hold him close. He hadn't expected to be into this so much. Luke wasn’t exactly someone he liked. He ticked none of his boxes. But still, this felt more than exciting. It felt better than with Lenore. 

He drew back reluctantly from a kiss that left them both breathless. “We should be careful as long as we're out here in the open though.”

Luke nodded as he seemed to remember where he was and drew back. “Uh, yeah. Do you, uh… have plans right now?”

His only plan was to drive over to Dean’s house after school. But they hadn't talked about a specific time. He shook his head and grinned at Luke. “Not right now. Do you have something in mind?”

“My dad works the evening shift,” he suggested.

Cas playfully pushed Luke against the wall again. “That sounds like you’ll be all alone at home. How awful… I think I should keep you company.”

Luke smiled. “Definitely. Remember where I live?”

“Of course. When do you want me to come over?” he asked, wondering if he could drop by home before that, to get a bag of clothes.

“No time like the present,” he said with a shrug.

_Even better._ Cas nodded and pointed towards the front of the school. “I'm parked in the front.”

Luke smirked. “You offering to give me a ride?”

_In more than one way._ Cas smirked. “Yeah, I actually have no clue how you get to school every morning.”

“I walk.” Which was surprising, considering he lived at least eight miles from the school.

“You're shitting me,” Cas breathed out, shaking his head as they walked to his car. “Well that explains why you’ve got the best stamina of the team.”

Luke chuckled. “Yeah, Dad refuses to dole out the cash for me to catch the bus.”

“After summer break I could pick you up… if you want.” Cas suggested thoughtfully. It wasn’t too much of a detour, and he needed to drive anyway.

“It’s alright. Thanks, though.” Luke whistled when they reached his car. “Shit, I forgot how nice your car was.”

Cas grinned at him. “You can still change your mind about me picking you up. It doesn’t need to be your front door, you know. Believe me, I know a thing or two about avoiding unwanted family attention.” He opened the door for Luke to let him in before he went over to his side and slipped behind the wheel.

“Let’s see how this goes,” he said noncommittally. 

Cas rolled his eyes and started the car, driving towards Luke’s home. “Are you expecting to go back to hating my guts again, just without the making out parts?”

“Well, you never know.” 

Cas nodded and sighed deeply before he gave Luke a quick look. “Do you trust me?”

Luke laughed and said, “Sure, Aladdin.” 

“If I’m Aladdin, does that make you the princess?” Cas teased back.

Luke gently shoved Cas’s shoulder. “Dick.”

Cas shot him another smirk before he became serious. “Why do you hate Dean so much?”

“Why do you think?” he challenged with a quirked brow.

Cas shrugged and concentrated on the road. “I seriously have no idea what motivates you to do and say things most of the time. If you hate Dean for being gay… it would be pretty hypocritical of you and also… he isn’t. Gay, I mean.” It wasn’t technically a lie. He just wanted Luke to stop verbally attacking Dean everytime he saw him.

Luke chuckled and shook his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t like him ‘cause you look at him the way I wish you’d look at me.”

His heart stumbled for a moment and he took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. That didn’t necessarily mean anything. 

Cas flashed Luke another quick look. “Dean is my best friend. He is there for me and he is helping me through this difficult time. I like him a lot. But I’m not opposed to liking more people if they give me reason to.” 

Luke smiled and nodded. “We’ll see if you put your money where your mouth is.”

Cas returned the smile. “Us talking like this is a fucking good start.” And he meant it. Cas already found he liked Luke a lot more since he started opening up to him.

“So, you and Dean aren’t anything?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “No, we aren’t. He is pretty happy enjoying himself with Rhonda. We’re just best friends and we… we decided to just stay friends from day one.” He shrugged his shoulders. “But I get why people think that. We’re pretty close.”

“Must be nice,” Luke said a little wistfully. 

Cas found himself starting to relax. “It is… Especially when your life is fucked up in more than a few ways. That’s why we decided to stay just friends… You can always find romance or something like that… but a best friend? That’s rare. I don’t want to lose that.”

Luke hummed and drummed his fingers against Cas’s thigh. “I never thought all those times I called you a fag I was right.”

“And I always thought you were a homophobic asshole.” He smirked at him before he shrugged. “I’m not sure yet though what I am. I actually think I like girls and boys. What about you?”

Luke shrugged. “I, uh… I don’t know. Maybe both? I try not to think about it.”

Cas gave him a reassuring smile before he reached over to grab his hand, squeezing it. He didn’t leave his hand there though, and quickly put it back on the steering wheel. He still wasn’t sure how comfortable Luke was with touching. “Yeah, I get that. When I started to become aware of this, I really hoped it would just go away. But then I realized I was only thinking that way because I was afraid of my parents’ reaction.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Which, don’t get me wrong. I would do anything to keep this part of me secret until I move out. But after that, I won’t care anymore.”

“Must be nice to have that in your future,” Luke murmured, looking out of the window. 

“Don’t you have plans to move away after school? Go to college? Your grades aren’t that bad, are they?”

“Not allowed. Gotta go right into the family business the second I’m done with the ‘waste of time’ high school.” Luke let out a mirthless laugh and shook his head. 

“I’m not in any position to tell you how to lead your life, Luke. But if you don’t want to do that… then you shouldn’t.” 

Luke shook his head. “Look, it’s nice for rich boys like you who get the chance to go as far away as possible, but those of us in the real world gotta get jobs and try to survive.”

Cas scoffed. “My parents are rich. Not me. They told me they would fully finance me if I was going to be a lawyer. But I want to become a doctor. I’m not giving up on that. That’s why I try to keep perfect grades. I want to get a scholarship and work while I’m studying, so I can do that.” He gave Luke a serious look. “If I can do that, you can do that too.” 

“No, I can’t. So, let’s drop it, okay?” 

“Alright,” Cas replied in a calm voice. There was an awkward silence between them before Cas tried to steer the conversation to something different. “So, how comfortable are you with me touching you? I’m just checking, cause I don’t want to do anything you don’t like.”

“What kinda touching?” he asked, interest fully piqued. 

“You know, anything from holding your hand to touching your dick,” Cas replied lowly.

Luke chuckled and nodded. “Only one way to find out, right?”

Cas noticed that he was talking and treating Luke differently than when he talked with Dean. He was automatically playing a role again. Like he always did with everyone. Changing himself to meet their expectations. He wondered if that was the reason why he liked Dean so much. Because he naturally felt relaxed and could be himself around him. With Luke he felt like he was being kept on his toes. “Well, just a fair warning. If you start to freak out on me again… I might not be patient enough to try again. So, a heads up if you wanna go slow would be nice.”

“Damn, Castiel. Alright, fair enough. Not sure how comfortable I am with sucking your dick, but if you wanna suck mine… I won’t stop you.”

“Figures.” Cas chuckled. He was automatically more gruff with Luke. He wondered if this was because in the past five years he had talked to Luke in that way. Especially on the court. “Well, maybe you’ll get braver when you realize how much you like it.”

“So, does that mean you’re gonna blow me?” he asked; his tone was teasing, but there was a hopefulness to it.

Cas smirked at him. He had wanted to do that for quite some time now. There was no way in hell he would miss the chance to gain that experience. But Luke didn’t need to know that. “If you’re a good boy, I will.”

Luke laughed and tilted his head. “And if I’m a bad boy?”

“Then you won’t see my lips wrapped around your dick, man,” Cas replied. His heart was beating faster now. They were almost at Luke’s. 

“Then I’ll be good,” he purred as he preemptively unbuckled his seatbelt while Cas slowed to park.

“You sound like a cute kitty when you purr like that,” Cas teased as he parked in front of Luke’s house. “You wanna crawl onto my lap? I could give you some more reasons to purr?”

He had to admit that he really liked doing this. Teasing Luke.

“Not here,” he said with a nod as he opened the door. 

Cas followed Luke outside as he trailed behind him to the front door of his family home. He had been here before, almost a year ago, when Stephen had picked all of them for a party. It was a small house, and the neighborhood wasn’t exactly the nicest. 

Luke unlocked the four deadbolts and took a quick look around, before he opened it and nodded for Cas to come in. He made a beeline for the room at the end of the hall.

Cas was reminded of how he behaved when he came home. Always tense and always vigilant. He followed Luke into his room, noticing the way he relaxed the moment he closed the door behind them.

It was pretty messy, clothes scattered haphazardly on the floor, a laundry basket overflowing, two posters hung on opposite walls, a naked blonde woman caressing herself, and a bizarre designed black and yellow poster with the words, “Orgasm Addict,” across the center. His bed was unmade and half covered in clothes.

Luke grabbed all of the clothes from his bed as quickly as possible before dumping them on the overflowing laundry basket. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Been too tired to clean.”

Cas walked up to him and pulled him into a quick, but open mouthed kiss before he growled, “I don’t care. The important thing is, we got a space to make out.”

Luke chuckled and immediately started getting undressed, kicking off his shoes as he unbuckled his belt. “Then why are we still talking?”

Cas grinned at him and pulled off his shirt, while toeing off his shoes with a chuckle. “‘Cause you were too busy defending the state of your room.” He was still in his shorts from gym class, because he hadn’t finished changing out of them before Luke’s little stunt in the locker room. So he quickly pulled them down, now only clad in his black boxer shorts before he stepped in front of Luke and grabbed the hem of his shirt. “You’re good with this being off?” 

“Yeah,” he breathed out as he yanked Cas into a kiss.

Cas succumbed for a moment before he pulled up Luke’s shirt and got it off, throwing it carelessly on the floor. He didn’t hesitate for a second before he leaned forward and licked over Luke’s exposed nipple, trailing kisses up to his throat and behind his ear. “Lay down,” he growled.

“Yes, sir,” he breathed out in a sardonic chuckle as he dropped himself onto his mattress and scooted back.

For some reason Luke being so obedient and calling him sir, although it had only been a joke, made him instantly rock hard. Cas grinned and pushed Luke’s legs apart so he could kneel between them, before he leaned over to draw him into another kiss, twisting his fingers into Luke’s short hair. “I see that you’re highly motivated to be a good boy, aren’t you?” He teasingly bit Luke’s lip.

Luke chuckled. “Whatever gets those lips around my dick.”

Cas slid back on the bed before he kissed down Luke’s chest, teasing his nipples with his tongue for a moment before he trailed down a perfectly toned body. He noticed some scars on his way, kissing them carefully as his lips made their way down to his right hip bone, licking teasingly over the area between the bone and his lower abdomen, knowing from his own experience how sensitive the area was.

Luke groaned and arched up. “Shit.”

Cas grinned before his fingers trailed teasingly over Luke's hard cock, that was still covered by his jeans. "I think it's time we freed your cock from its prison." he replied, "Seems like he really wants to come out and play."

“Yeah,” Luke breathed out, voice soft and a little shaky.

Cas leaned over to draw Luke into a much more gentle and slow kiss. He had to remind himself that this was still new to Luke, no matter how rough they got with each other. "If I do something you're not ready for, just tell me and I’ll stop, okay?" he reminded him softly as his hand trailed down to open Luke's jeans.

“Had a hand job before, blow job… You know, the whole sex thing.” Luke chuckled and gasped when Cas cupped his erection.

"But not with me," Cas replied before he slid back on the bed and carefully pulled down Luke's jeans. When Luke kicked them off the bed, Cas let his eyes wander over him, trailing his palms up his leg and thigh. He teased Luke's erection over the boxershorts before he grabbed the hem and slowly pulled those down too, enjoying every second of revealing his skin. Luke had a really nice cock. Almost the same size as Dean's.

Luke pulled Cas in for another kiss, whimpering against his lips. 

He loved seeing this side of Luke. Seeing him vulnerable like this. For some reason it really turned him on. Cas leaned back, breathing heavily as he got rid of his own boxer shorts, gasping when his cock sprung free and made contact with Luke’s leg as he leaned forward for another kiss. He slid his hand between them, scratching his fingernails lightly over Luke’s cock before he teased his balls. Bracing his weight on his arm next to Luke, his fingers carding through his hair, giving him the perfect angle to study Luke’s face, his eyes… hoping that he still liked what he was doing.

“Fuck…” Luke craned his neck to look between them. “Damn, Castiel.”

“What?” He asked with a grin, wrapping his fingers around Luke’s cock again to stroke it slowly.

Luke gasped and groaned at the same time, slamming his eyes shut as he bucked up into Cas’s hand. “Your fuckin’ dick, man. Fuck…”

Cas chuckled as he started to kiss down Luke’s throat and chest, excited to finally suck a cock. “What about my dick, Luke?” he asked, trailing his lips lower as he slid down on the bed, his mouth getting closer to Luke’s hip. 

“It’s… fuck! It’s huge,” he murmured as he slowly started fucking up into Cas’s fist.

Cas slid between Luke's legs before he licked over his erection without hesitation, looking up at him with hooded eyes. “If you ever feel ready to get fucked, you have a lot to look forward to,” he replied before he sucked the head of Luke’s erection into his mouth. It felt incredible on his tongue. Velvety and heavy. He really liked it. The taste of precum on his tongue was bitter, but he realized he didn’t mind it at all.

Luke cursed and his fingers twisted themselves in Cas’s hair. “Oh, fuck. Fuck…”

He liked the feeling of Luke's fingers in his hair, enjoying the light pull when he sucked Luke's dick deeper into his mouth, testing his own limits. He pulled back again, teasing the underside of Luke's cock with his tongue. "I hope one day that is a request." Cas chuckled before he sucked in the head again, starting to blow him at a steady rhythm.

“No way,” he muttered through a moan, “your dick’s too big.”

Well, at least that didn't sound like he was opposed to the idea in general. Cas pulled back again, licking up Luke's entire length as he breathed out, "Luke, I know what I'm doing. I would never hurt you." The thing was, he felt rather confident about his knowledge. He had read up on this stuff under the pretense of gaining medical knowledge at first, and then as he started to experiment with himself during his alone time. He knew how to prepare his own ass, and he knew he could do this to others as well.

Luke urged Cas’s face down again. “Let me start with putting your dick in my mouth before we talk about my ass.”

Cas groaned at that image, and nodded before he went back to sucking Luke's dick in earnest. He hadn't imagined this to be so much fun, and he loved challenging himself to suck him in deeper as he continued to blow him. His own erection was throbbing now and he rocked it into the mattress to get a little more friction.

“You’re fucking good at that,” Luke groaned, his grip in Cas’s hair tightening. 

He wondered if he should let Luke come in his mouth. He felt a little nervous about that, but the thought also turned him on. He decided not to be a chicken shit and to just try it. He leaned back, circling the head of Luke's cock with his tongue as he breathlessly asked, "Do you wanna come in my mouth?"

“Oh, fuck, yes!” Luke nodded emphatically, “I’m so fucking close.”

For some reason that made Cas feel proud and excited. He chuckled as he wrapped his lips around Luke's cock again, sucking him down, letting the fingers of his left hand slide experimentally down to Luke's balls. His right hand kept the pressure on Luke's hips, holding him down so he wouldn't fuck into him and choke him in the process.

He slid his finger under Luke's balls to his perineum, carefully pressing his fingers against the sensitive flesh to stimulate Luke's prostate. He wanted to give him a taste of how awesome it felt to be touched in that area, making him used to it so he would be more open to trying more.

Luke cried out and slammed his hips up as he came, the hot, bitter release quickly filling Cas’s mouth.

He tried to swallow all of it, but Luke's come hit the back of his throat so quickly that he choked and started to cough. Most of Luke's come landed on his lips and dripped from his chin as he tried to get a hold of his breathing. Okay... swallowing come was harder than he thought it would be.

Luke let out a shaky chuckle as he grabbed his t-shirt and handed it to Cas. “You okay?”

He took it gratefully and wiped the come from his face, still coughing as he tried to give him a sheepish smile. "I guess I need more practice with that," he replied with a husky, rough voice. 

“It was damn hot,” Luke said affectionately as he leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. “Real hot.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile at that before he slid up on the bed to draw Luke into another kiss, one that underlined how he was still on the edge, despite the choking. He rocked his hard cock against Luke’s defined stomach. “Wanna see how comfortable you can get with my cock?”

Luke nodded breathlessly. His hand trailed down, slowly, hesitantly, until it finally wrapped around his girth in a measured squeeze. “Wow,” he breathed out.

Cas was breathing heavily, his voice still husky from the blow job, “Yeah, I got pretty hard from sucking you off. I'm already on the edge from the noises you made.”

Luke chuckled as he started stroking Cas, diving in for a kiss as he did.

Cas buried his fingers into Luke’s hair, kissing him back for another long moment before he leaned back and murmured, “I want you to try and lick my dick. You don’t have to suck it. Just try to lick it and see if you like it.”

“Okay,” he assented in a breathy groan as he sank between Cas’s legs. While continuing to stroke Cas, Luke looked up at him as he carefully licked around the head of his cock.

The combination of feeling Luke’s tongue and the look he was giving him – a mixture of insecurity and submitting to him, made Cas gasp and pushed him almost over the edge. “Oh, fuck, yes. Just like that, baby. Stroke me harder.”

Luke obeyed immediately and started pumping Cas harder and faster. His eyes were fixed on Cas’s dick, licking along the slit as he stroked him in a delicious circular motion.

Cas thought he was going to lose it. He was trying not to buck up his hips and fuck into Luke’s hand, but it was hard. He moaned as he pictured Luke lying under him, flashing him an obedient look while he fucked into him. “Fuck… I'm…” He couldn’t finish the sentence as his orgasm hit and he came, watching as streaks of his come painted Luke’s tongue and lips. It was probably the hottest thing he had ever seen.

Luke wiped his lips with the back of his hand and smiled. “That was fucking hot.”

Cas smiled brightly at him, relieved that Luke wasn’t freaking out. He pulled Luke on top of him with a playful chuckle, still trying to calm down his breathing before he drew him into a tender kiss, his hand stroking gently over the back of Luke’s neck. “I guess that answers my question if you liked it,” he murmured softly against Luke’s lips before drawing him into another kiss. He loved kissing. He loved the intimacy of it.

Luke nodded and laughed lightly, diving in for another kiss before he shifted to lay on his side alongside Cas. “I just can’t believe this really happened.”

Cas slid his hand over Luke’s chest with a smile. “Yeah… you really surprised me with that kiss. I did not see that coming. Always thought you didn’t really like me.”

“Kinda the opposite,” he confessed quietly.

“Yeah?” Cas asked with a soft smile, running his fingertips over his cheeks. “Since when?”

Luke ducked his gaze. “Since you made captain.”

That was almost two years ago. Cas raised his eyebrows, chuckling lowly. "Why since then?"

“No idea, I just… I don’t know why I was drawn to you.”

Cas shook his head and gave him a soft smile. "It doesn't matter." He softly bit Luke's shoulder with a hum. "I just hope we can do this more often."

Luke chuckled. “Definitely. Not sure about taking that monster up my ass though.”

Cas grinned, drawing him into a quick kiss before he gently pushed him down on the mattress. "You seriously don't have to worry about that," he explained, hovering over him as he carded his fingers through his hair. “Did you like the feeling of what I did shortly before you came?” He slid his other hand between Luke’s legs, gently stroking over his perineum. “When I touched you here?”

Luke let out a soft gasp. “Yeah, it made everything else you were doing even more intense.”

Cas slid his palm over Luke’s inner thigh. "Yeah... that feeling is nothing compared to when I actually touch your g-spot. So, if you tell me you're ready for me to play with your ass... trust me... I would never do anything you didn't want. I'd only fuck you if you begged me to do it." 

Luke’s eyebrows shot up. “Man, this take charge attitude isn’t fake, is it? This is just how you are.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and gave him a shy smile. "Yeah... Is that okay with you?"

“Would you change if I wasn’t?” he asked in a disbelieving tone.

Cas shrugged, but nodded. "Yeah, I can't promise it wouldn't come up now and then. But I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable if it's something you don't like."

Luke chuckled. “You’re so weird.”

Cas quirked his brow, "How is it weird when I just want you to have a good time?"

“You’re polite. It’s weird considering you just sucked me off and had me jerk you off.” Luke smiled and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “But I still like you, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

"I'm not worried." He pushed Luke back onto the mattress for a deeper kiss before he looked at him. "And since you seem on board with it, I’ll keep taking charge. You're pretty sexy when you do what I tell you."

“Why am I not surprised?” Luke laughed and wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “So, what are we?”

Cas looked away for a moment, biting his lip before he said, "I don't know... It's not like we can officially be anything. This has to stay between the two of us. And I gotta be honest... I don't have any romantic feelings towards you. Well, mostly because we never really got along in the past, and you were a massive pain in my ass. But you know... I'd like to get to know you better."

Luke nodded and gave him an unsure smile. “And who knows? Maybe that’ll change.”

Cas replied with a reassuring smile. "Yeah, maybe. I mean, I already like you a lot more than I did yesterday, so that has to count for something."

“Yeah, my head’s still reeling.”

"One hundred and eighty degree turn, " Cas whispered before he drew Luke into another kiss, a deep one where he took his time to explore his mouth and lick over his tongue. He loved how it made his whole body tingle. "Damn, this is addictive." He chuckled against his lips.

Luke laughed. “I never knew kissing a guy could be so… hot.”

Cas captured his upper lip in a soft kiss. "I'm glad you gave this a try."

“I wasn’t expecting you to admit it and get in my face about it.” 

"Well, I wouldn't have if you hadn't kissed me... I didn't want you to go, thinking this was something bad." He gave him a quick smile before he added, "I didn't want you to be alone with this, having no one to talk to."

Luke shrugged. “Well, I’ve had to deal with it for a while.”

"I bet." He carded his fingers through his hair again. "But not anymore, okay? You got me now."

Luke flashed him a genuine smile. “Okay.”

Cas touched Luke's cheek, getting lost in his eyes for a moment. "You should smile more often."

That was met with an eye roll as Luke held onto Cas’s hand against his cheek. “You’re corny.”

"Awww," Cas teased, "Can't take a compliment? That is cute."

Luke shook his head and moved to drape himself over Cas, straddling his hips as he braced his hands on either side of Cas’s head. “You’re a sarcastic ass. I like that.”

Cas grinned up at him as he grabbed Luke's hip and rocked his half hard cock against him. "You're so not safe up there, you know that right?"

“Was hoping that was the case,” he sassed as he leaned back and rode Cas’s groin, a purposeful and elaborate move, from the smirk on his face.

Cas groaned, for a moment closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling of Luke's firm ass against his skin, making him hard again. "Fuck, that feels great."

Luke chuckled as he kept up his slow pace of grinding his now also hard dick against Cas. “Well, considering how obsessed you are with my ass…”

Cas hummed, bracing himself on his elbow before he slid his other hand around Luke to stroke over his ass. “It’s a pretty nice ass.”

“How do you know so much anyway?” Luke breathed out as he braced his hands over Cas’s to help him pull his cheeks apart.

"It's a long story," Cas breathed out. "Short version is that I was curious about it, and used my interest in medicine as an excuse to do a lot of research, and then I used that knowledge mainly to get myself off. You don't have any lube here by any chance?"

Luke shook his head. “No, just some vaseline.”

Cas didn't want to improvise the first time he introduced Luke to some ass play, so he shook his head. "I’ll bring some with me next time then." He licked over his own fingers to make them wet. "But you can already get used to feeling this," he breathed out as he slipped his wet finger between his cheeks and rubbed it teasingly over his hole.

“Shit,” Luke groaned as he practically shuddered, eyes widening in surprise. “That, uh… wow.”

_Mission accomplished._ Cas grinned up at him before he pulled Luke close for a kiss. “What I will do to you next time will be so much better than that,” he groaned against his lips before he retracted his hand to take both their dicks in his hand, pressing them together as he started to stroke them. 

“Oh, Castiel,” he moaned as he started undulating his hips, creating an amazing friction between them. 

"C'mere, baby," Cas breathed out, pulling him into another deep kiss. That was the second time the pet name just slipped from his lips. He hoped Luke didn't mind. 

Luke was getting more and more responsive, melting against Cas as they got lost in a surprisingly gentle kiss.

He really liked seeing this side of Luke; that he was tearing down the walls that usually surrounded him, to let him see this side of him. In that moment Cas realized that Luke really trusted him with this, and it made him incredibly happy. He moaned into the kiss, pulling Luke closer as he stroked them harder and faster. 

Luke grew a little more desperate for him, deepening the kiss as he bucked his hips again. He drew back and breathed out a soft, “Touch my ass again.”

Cas’s breathing hitched as he nodded quickly, spitting on his fingers to make them wet again before he snaked his arm around Luke, starting to tease his hole. He experimentally put more pressure on the tight ring of muscle, trying not to lose the rhythm of stroking as he got lost in watching Luke’s reaction.

“Fuck, fuck, that feels so good,” he murmured in between breathy moans as he lowered his forehead against Cas’s. 

"Can't wait to fuck you with my fingers," he growled as he picked up the pace of his strokes, tapping against Luke's hole to mimic a thrusting motion.

Luke nodded as he kissed Cas again, whimpering as his hips started shuddering arhythmically. 

He could feel Luke tense as he came a second later. Feeling his cock pulsing against his own pushed him over the edge, and he gasped Luke's name as their come mixed together over his hand and stomach. "Fuck, fuck," he breathed out, looking up at Luke with parted lips. "Fuck, baby..."

Luke let out an almost dazed chuckle. “You’re pretty romantic considering you don’t like me like that.”

Cas laughed at that and shook his head. "Because I can't stop calling you ‘baby’? Yeah, sorry about that."

“Better than still calling me ‘asshole,’” he teased as he rested his head against Cas’s chest.

"Yeah..." He hummed tiredly, carding his fingers lazily through Luke's hair. "I think I get possessive pretty quickly."

Luke leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Good.”

Cas gave him a soft smile. "Is it? Don't you think it's a little creepy?" He closed his eyes for a moment and wrapped his arms around Luke.

“Flattering kind of creepy though,” he argued.

He turned his head and buried it into Luke's hair with a grin. "What if I start growling at anyone who looks at you? Or write on your skin that you're my possession? Would that still be flattering, or the more creepy-as-fuck category?" He had no idea why he was being ridiculous. Two orgasms probably, and he felt amazingly relaxed.

Luke laughed. “If you get that crazy, you’ll be sent to a looney bin anyway.”

He chuckled lowly and kissed Luke's head as he hummed, "Yeah." 

He didn't remember falling asleep, and it felt like it had only been a few minutes when he startled awake suddenly. "Fuck, sorry." He braced himself on his elbows and looked at Luke's watch on his night stand. It was already pretty late. "Sorry I fell asleep on you. I should really go..."

Luke chuckled and cupped his cheek. “Call me tomorrow?”

Cas leaned forward to kiss him before he slid from the bed and started to throw on his clothes. "Yeah. I’ll try. I'm not at my house for the next two weeks though... until my parents come back."

“Where are you staying?” he asked as he sat up and pulled on his t-shirt.

"At Dean's place. He lives nearby, and after what Michael did... to me... his parents are letting me stay there until my parents get home." Cas explained with a deep sigh as he pulled up his shorts.

Luke nodded and stood up to grab his pants. “Well, if you can’t call, maybe we could make plans to meet up again?”

Cas turned around to pull him into a quick kiss. “Sure, just tell me when and where.”

“Friday? Pick me up at the park across the street, and we could drive out to the date docks?”

"It's a date. I’ll pick you up at two?" he asked as he searched for his car keys, finding them on the floor next to the bed.

Luke nodded as he drew Cas in for another kiss. “See you then.”

Cas cupped Luke's cheek and deepened the kiss. Just because he could. It left them both a little breathless. "Yeah." He smirked before he added a teasing, "No telling me that you'll dream of me tonight?"

“Keep dreaming, Novak. But maybe I’ll jerk off again later, thinking of you,” he returned with a smirk as he walked Cas to the front door.

"That’s all I'm asking for," he said with a wink. "See you on Friday." 

He noticed Luke was still watching him from the door when he got in the car. It was kind of cute. He refrained from waving at him like an idiot. But he couldn't help but smile on his drive back to his temporary home. 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean was pacing in the kitchen. It was past eight and Cas should have been here hours ago. When he stopped by Cas’s parents’ place, his car wasn’t there, so at least he didn’t try to pick up his stuff without Dean. But by six thirty, Dean’s casual and calm non-concern started slowly growing into outright fear.

What if his dickhead brother got Cas somewhere and beat the fuck out of him? What if Cas was bloody and dying in an alley somewhere? Dean knew those were extremes, so he settled for pacing in the kitchen where the portable phone was.

That was until someone rang the doorbell.

Dean barreled through the doorway, crying out, “Got it!” as he skidded through the hallway to the front door. He yanked it open, his heart in his throat.

It was Cas, looking startled at the enthusiastic way Dean had opened the door. “Hey,” he greeted, “sorry I’m late.”

“You okay?” Dean asked, feeling a weird mixture of relief and annoyance. 

Cas nodded slowly. “Yeah, I actually had a pretty surprising… but awesome day. A lot of things happened… and I’ll tell you everything later, okay? I… would you come over with me? I need some clothes and stuff.”

“Is that a good idea?” Dean asked, feeling even more annoyed now.

Cas furrowed his brow. "Well, I'm not eager about it, but I need some clothes..." He suddenly stopped talking. "You still want me to stay, right?"

“Of course, I just… I don’t want you to get hurt again.” And right back to worry and concern.

“I don’t think he’ll do anything to me as long as I’m not alone. Hence why I’m asking you to accompany me.” He shuffled his feet before he looked away. “If you don’t wanna come I could just.. I don’t know… wait outside for him to leave the house and sneak inside to get my stuff.” 

Dean grabbed his coat and ushered Cas out of the door again. “Come on.”

“Thank you,” Cas breathed out in obvious relief before he turned on his heels and walked back to his car.

“So, why are you late?” Dean asked, trying to sound as cool and not worried as possible.

Cas smirked before he unlocked his car. "It's a long story, full of drama and a surprising turn of events. A little bit like the movies you love to watch."

Dean furrowed his brow. “You hate those movies.”

"I like happy endings though," Cas replied with another smile before he got into the car. As soon as Dean was sitting next to him, Cas continued to talk, "I took my time going back to the locker room today. I didn't want anyone... to see my body, you know? Trying to avoid attention."

“Did something happen?” Dean asked, instantly feeling dread, even though Cas’s body language was anything but distressed.

Cas nodded, a smile creeping up on his face. "Yeah, um, Luke caught me. He saw my bruises and he really lost it, trying to get me to talk and accusing you of doing it. Like we had some Tina and Ike situation going on." For some reason Cas chuckled when he told Dean that.

_Shit._ Maybe Cas had snapped so completely he was loopy. “Did Luke do something, Cas?”

Cas started to snicker then, and nodded. "Yep, he did something alright." He gave him a quick look, grinning before he explained, "So, I chewed him out for being a homophobic asshole and for accusing you, and we argued and then... then he kissed me."

Dean shook his head. “What?”

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction, too." Cas chuckled again. "So Luke kissed me and then he panicked and ran away from me. And of course it was then I got it, you know? He was an asshole about all of this cause he was struggling to accept that he was gay himself. I ran after him and found him behind the gym, super pissed and everything, and I talked him down. Turns out he hates you ‘cause he is jealous of you, and that he’s liked me for over two years." 

That was a lot to process in a short period of time. So, Luke had a crush on Cas and was a homophobic dick to them both because he hated his own feelings. Dean still didn’t like it. “Then what happened?” he asked, even though he was ninety five percent sure he didn’t want to know.

Cas grinned, and that alone should have been his answer. "We made out… twice. On his bed, and I gave him a blow job. And since it was my first, I'm telling you because you made me promise to tell you all my firsts." 

Dean swallowed down whatever was making the bile rise. “You fooled around with a guy who’s been nothing but an asshole to you for years?”

Cas gave him a confused look. "It sounds weird if you say it like that. And it's not like we instantly made out. He was like… really different. I’ve never seen him like that before. Really nice and I don't know… honest. It was pretty awesome."

That didn’t make all the years of abuse okay. But Dean refrained from saying it. Instead he huffed out an indignant, “So, you bailed on me, making me worry like a friggin’ parent, all to make out with that jerk.”

Cas gave him a shocked look, not saying anything for a moment before he asked, “Are you angry with me?”

“Kinda, yeah.” Dean confessed. The weird jealous feeling aside, he was pissed that Cas blew him off, and all for such a dickbag. “I mean, I’m grateful as hell you aren’t broken and bloody in a ditch somewhere, but… Don’t tell me you’ll see me after school and then bail.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas mumbled. “I didn’t want you to worry. I also hadn’t planned on coming back so late. I fell asleep… I’m really sorry.”

Dean sighed, almost as annoyed with himself. He grabbed Cas’s hand and squeezed it. “Just give me a heads up next time.”

Cas nodded, expression now sad. "Sure, okay. I'm sorry."

That was enough of the drama crap. Dean nudged his elbow playfully into Cas’s side, mindful of where his bruises were. “I can’t believe you blew that asshole.”

The sad expression evaporated and he smiled again. “I’m not going to defend his behavior, but I saw a very different side of him today, and I’m willing to give him a chance. Try to get to know him better. Um, we have a date on Friday.”

_Shit. Seriously?_ “Like a real date?” Dean liked that even less.

Cas shrugged. "Well, it's not a real date... it's not like that’s something we can do, but yeah we’re going to meet up at the date docks… it's a make out spot. Haven't you been there with Rhonda?"

Dean shook his head. “Rhonda makes every place a makeout spot.”

Cas chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I bet." His expression fell when he parked in front of his house. “Time to face the music.”

“You got this,” Dean assured as he patted Cas’s thigh.

Cas nodded with a determined expression before he got out of the car and pulled his key out of his pocket. He didn't get to the unlocking the door part, because it was already opened. 

Dean hadn't met Michael before, but he knew it was Cas's older brother immediately. “Do you have any idea how late it is? Where have you been?” he yelled.

Cas tensed and stepped back from him, growling, “I’m just getting a few things. I’m not staying here.”

Michael’s gaze fell on Dean and he narrowed his eyes. “Who are you?”

“I’m Batman,” Dean quipped in a deeper voice and cocky smile.

Cas burst into laughter, which earned a glare from Michael. The asshole turned to Dean with a disgusted expression. "Are you some kind of idiot?"

“Depends on the question I’m asked.” Dean ignored Michael then, and approached Cas. “What can I do to help?”

"Just come up to my room with me. I need to pack some clothes, my toothbrush, and stuff," he explained as he guided Dean past Michael.

Cas's older brother scoffed and turned away. "Don't be too loud. Gabe is already sleeping. I'm glad I don't have to see you for a while." He turned away from them before he murmured, "Faggot."

Dean instantly tensed and turned to go right for that asshole. 

Cas gripped his wrist and roughly pulled him away from Michael with a pleading headshake, whispering, "Ignore it, please. For me."

Dean took a deep breath and gritted his teeth as he did what his best friend asked. He followed Cas to his room, trying to hone in the level of rage that was bubbling to the surface.

The moment Cas closed the door behind him he pulled Dean into a tight hug, taking in a shuddering breath. "Thanks for being here with me."

Dean nodded and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Always, Cas.”

Cas flashed him a quick smile as he pulled back, and walked over to his closet to start stuffing a duffel bag with clothes. "If you want, you can take some videos from under the bed. I’ll just quickly go to the bathroom to get my toothbrush. I'll be back in a few minutes."

“Okay, anything particular you want me to grab?” Dean asked as he knelt down and pulled Cas’s box of VHS tapes out from under the bed.

“Just grab whatever you wanna watch,” he replied with a head shake before he left the room.

Dean nodded and grabbed a couple of the tapes Cas had wanted Dean to watch with him, plus a couple of Cas’s favorites. Now alone with his thoughts, he tried to piece together what it was he was feeling in regards to Cas’s revelation. Whatever it was, it must be how Cas felt whenever Dean brought up Rhonda; the intense dislike he had for who his best friend was fooling around with.

Cas returned to his room with a small smile on his lips, before he went to his night stand drawer and pulled out more items to pack in a toiletry bag. Dean could see it was lube and condoms. Cas threw his duffel bag on the bed and turned around to Dean. “I got everything, we can go.”

He stuffed the tapes into his bag and followed Cas with a small nod. 

They didn’t meet Michael again on their way out, but Dean could see how tense Cas was until he had closed the front door behind them, and they were safely back at his car. He started driving back as soon as Dean was situated, letting out a deep breath. “Fuck, I can’t believe I don’t have to see Michael for two weeks.” He grinned. “Best summer break ever.”

“I bet,” Dean breathed out in a somewhat petulant huff of breath.

Cas frowned at him. “Are you still angry with me?”

Dean shook his head and sighed. “No.”

“Then what is it?” Cas asked, brow furrowed in bemusement.

“Nothing,” he insisted, trying to force a smile. Dean didn’t want to try and unpack his own confusing feelings. Not when it shouldn’t matter, not if this made his best friend happy.

“Okay,” Cas replied slowly, obviously not convinced before he concentrated on the street with a frown. The rest of the short drive was spent in an awkward silence, and that had never happened between them before. 

When Cas parked his car in front of Dean’s house he sighed, and gave him a quick insecure look. “Are you sure it’s alright for me to stay with you for so long? You don’t need to feel responsible for me… if you’d rather do something else…” 

Dean furrowed his brow. “No, Cas. Why is that your go-to? That I’m gonna kick you out? Would you rather stay at Luke’s or something and you don’t want to tell me?”

Cas’s eyebrows shot up. "Of course not. Sorry... I’m just having trouble reading you at the moment. And… all my friends ended up kicking me out at some point because they had their own life, so…” 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “That’ll never happen. Okay?”

Cas squeezed them and gave him a relieved smile. "Okay… then should we go up to your room and just do nothing?"

“Yeah, I’m gonna grab a snack first. I kind of forgot to eat.” Dean returned the smile and unbuckled his seatbelt.

Right on cue Cas's stomach growled, and he chuckled. "Yeah, me too. Well, I didn't forget, I just didn't have the time."

Dean chuckled. _“And_ you worked up an appetite.”

"Hell yes," he replied and playfully shoved Dean's shoulder when they were both outside. "I still can't believe this happened today."

Dean shook his head in amazement. “Yeah.” Maybe he was annoyed that Cas got there before he did. Some stupid macho bullshit competition or something. Maybe that’s all it was.

Cas stepped closer to him as he whispered, "I can't wait to have real sex with him. Just sharing a hand job and a blowjob was already better then when I had sex with…” He shook his head. "It was so different."

“Maybe you _are_ gay,” Dean suggested as he unlocked the front door to hold it open for Cas and his stuff.

Cas gave him a thoughtful look before he shrugged and went inside. “Maybe… but I’m not sure that’s it.”

“Maybe you’d rather have sex with jerks as opposed to people who are nice to you?” He meant it as a joke, but it was weird how much Dean wondered if that might be true for Cas.

"Hey, something we have in common," Cas joked back in a falsely enthusiastic voice. 

Dean chuckled and shrugged. “Rhonda’s not mean to me.”

"Luke wasn't mean to me either, Dean. I mean, at least not when we were making out. He was actually pretty…” Cas smiled and shook his head. "I don't know. It was really surprising, and nice to see a different side of him. The real him."

“I just want you to be careful, Cas. That’s all.” And that was the truth.

Cas nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "I will be. Don't worry."

Dean nodded and raided the fridge for some cereal, chips, and a couple of sodas. He led the way back up to his room, pushing the door open with his foot. “After you.”

Cas gave him a little bow before he winked at him, and put his duffel bag next to the air mattress Dad had brought up to Dean's room earlier. "Damn, now you can't put your cold feet against me in your sleep." Cas chuckled.

“Could always dangle them over the bed,” Dean quipped as he took off his shoes and crawled onto his bed.

Cas toed off his shoes and sprawled out over the air mattress like a starfish, before he made grabby hands in the direction of Dean's bed. "If you do that I’ll just pull you down here."

Dean pulled his foot back and chuckled. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare.”

"Oh, I’ll dare," Cas replied. "And then you'll be my prisoner on my little island. You'll get punished for trespassing with cold feet."

Dean moved to dangle the bag of chips over Cas’s head. “You do that, you get no chips.”

Cas tried to snatch it, but Dean just pulled it out of reach. When he looked at Cas again he was met with a smirk. "I could pay you."

“Oh yeah? With what?” Dean asked as he settled back against his headrest and opened the bag of chips.

Cas sat up and crossed his arms over Dean's mattress, resting his chin as he looked up at Dean with puppy eyes. "A back rub?" 

He stuffed four chips in his mouth and shook his head. “What else you got?”

Cas tilted his head, trying to look innocent, "A kiss? And a hug… not necessarily in that order."

“You have a boyfriend,” he chastised playfully as he stuffed a couple more chips into his mouth.

"I made out with Luke. That doesn't make him my boyfriend," Cas replied grumpily.

Dean quirked his brow at him in disbelief. “And you have a date with him.”

"At a make out point," Cas clarified before he gave Dean a disbelieving look in return. "It's just sex. I told Luke that I don't have any romantic feelings towards him, and we can't be boyfriends anyway. His father is just as much a dick as my parents. It's just a no go. And anyway… you have Rhonda and you still kiss me."

Well, when he put it like that. “Fair enough. Get up here.”

Cas grinned and jumped up on the bed, crawling close to Dean before he opened his mouth expectantly like a bird.

Dean laughed as he fed Cas a handful of chips.

Cas never stopped looking at him as he happily crunched away. He swallowed and licked over his lips before he leaned over and kissed Dean. 

Chips long forgotten, Dean chuckled as he wrapped his arm around Cas’s neck to share a salty kiss with his best friend.

When Cas leaned back, he licked over his lips again. "You taste delicious. Maybe I should capture you anyway and drag you to my island as my prisoner."

“My tower’s more comfortable,” Dean murmured as he pulled Cas fully on top of him.

"That's true... and you make an excellent pillow." Cas replied as he slid his hand to the back of Dean's neck to lightly scratch the area that was (according to Cas) an erogenous zone. 

Dean groaned in contentment. He licked along the seam of Cas’s lips and chuckled as he drew back. “Not entirely sure I shouldn’t make you brush your teeth first,” he teased.

Cas leaned back on his knees and blinked at Dean, before he raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Oh, um, yeah… I’ll just do that," he replied, before he slid from the bed and opened his duffel bag.

Dean felt a little bad about it, but at the same time it really rubbed him the wrong way, the idea of making out with Cas right after he sucked that douchebag’s dick. “You can leave your toothbrush in the holder with mine.”

Cas playfully held his toothbrush against his chest with an awed expression. "It's almost like we're married, Dean," he sarcastically cooed before he left the room.

Dean rolled his eyes at Cas’s back and settled back against his pillows. 

Cas returned to him after a few minutes, pulling off his shirt the moment he had closed the door, and changed into a jersey before he discarded his shorts in favor of being in just black boxers. "Am I invited back to your tower?" he asked with an innocent yet somehow flirty look.

“Sing me a sonnet,” Dean demanded in a disinterested tone, as he waved his hand dismissively.

Cas cleared his throat before he started singing (if you could call it singing), _“Five little monkeys swinging in the tree, teasing Mr. Alligator can’t catch me….can’t catch me, along came Mr. Alligator quiet as can be, and snapped that monkey out that tree._ ”

Dean shook his head and waved for Cas to kill it. “That’s enough. Get your ass in my tower.”

Cas made a playful whooping noise and crawled back on the bed, hovering over Dean with parted lips. "What do you want me to do next, master of the tower?"

“Get your ass back over here,” Dean said as he snapped his fingers and pointed to the space next to him.

Cas pouted and leaned back from Dean, before he slid next to him with a little space in between them.

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “So, your brother really is the biggest asshole.”

"Yep," Cas replied with a deep sigh before he looked at Dean. "Thank you for not snapping at him earlier. I know you wanted to, but he would have just used it against me, and then my parents probably wouldn't allow me to come over again."

“I get it, but it was damn hard. I wanted to deck him,” Dean grumbled as he wrapped his arms around Cas.

Cas leaned against his shoulder. "It's just one more year. One more year and it will all be over."

Dean rested his head against Cas’s. “Will you stop talking to them?”

“Of course,” Cas replied with a deep sigh. "I want nothing to do with them."

“Well, I’m always here for you until then,” Dean whispered as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek.

Cas hummed and wrapped his arms around Dean to pull him closer. He pressed his face against Dean's throat as he murmured, "I can't thank you enough for that. You have no idea how much you're helping me."

Dean just held Cas. “I’m damn sorry I can’t do more.”

"You do more than enough, Dean." Cas leaned back and smiled. "Just being able to hide out at your place is like… the best thing."

“And Mom talked to Dad on the phone earlier, you’re always welcome here, no matter.” 

"I know I already said this a few times, but your parents are seriously the best in the world."

Dean nodded. “I know. Mom comes home on Sunday, so I’m gonna tell her then. You know… about me.”

Cas grinned, trying to hide it by biting his lower lip, and Dean instantly knew he was picturing the pink dildo again. "Yeah… I'm sure she won't have a problem with that. Your mom is pretty awesome."

“I think she knows,” Dean confessed.

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. "How? Another dildo incident or, hmm, do you think she suspects this guy doesn't hang here ‘cause you idolize him?" Cas pointed at Dean's Gunner poster.

Dean chuckled and flicked Cas’s nose. “Be nice or I won’t share my Captain Crunch with you.”

"What? I'm always nice." Cas leaned in and kissed Dean's lips, just a quick and soft touch that left his lips tingling. "But seriously, why do you think she already knows?"

“Just some things she’s said,” Dean answered evasively.

"Like?" Cas asked curiously.

Dean waved it off as he leaned in for another kiss. “It’s dumb.”

"Are you embarrassed about it and that's why you don't want to tell me?" Cas teased, giving him another quick kiss, his palms sliding over Dean's back up to his shoulder, one hand playing with the strands of hair just above the back of his neck. 

“Well, I have met my embarrassment quota for the year.”

Cas let out a disappointed sigh before he flashed him a smile and leaned forward for another kiss. "But there is still so much year left."

Dean shrugged. “Guess the pink dick is gonna be all you get then.”

Cas suddenly burst into laughter. "That sounded very wrong."

Dean chuckled and shrugged in agreement. “Still true.”

Cas gave him a long, thoughtful look before he asked, "Is it because of our relationship? Luke seemed to think that we're together… Lenore thought it too… even Rhonda’s implied it, right?"

Dean nodded. “Yeah. Mom, uh… I think they both think we’re secret boyfriends or something,” he said with a shake of the head.

"I get that. I mean, we are pretty close. Not everyone has something like we have in their life."

“God forbid two guys who have a comfortable and close relationship be just friends.” Dean shook his head and laughed lightly. 

"Exactly." Cas laughed with him before he pushed Dean down on the bed and pulled him close into his arms. "They are all just jealous."

“Damn right,” he said with a nod, as he rested his chin on Cas’s chest to look at him. “I can’t believe you’re fooling around with Luke.”

"Yeah, me neither. It seems so surreal." He looked down at Dean with a grin. "I'm working on persuading him into trying to have real sex with me. Maybe I’ll get lucky on Friday." 

If Dean had been drinking something, he could have genuinely choked on it. “Isn't that kinda fast?”

Cas tilted his head. "Why? We already went pretty far on our first and second time… it's just the next step. And if he wants me, I'm not going to say no."

It’s not like he had any arguments, not any solid ones. “Well, uh… then good luck?”

Cas grinned. "Thank you." He put his arm behind his head to lean back. "I showed him how good it could feel, and I think that kind of paved the way for him to be curious enough to try it."

“What, uh… what’d you do?” Dean asked, feeling weirdly curious and uncomfortable at the same time.

"I told you I know all those sensitive areas on a man's body. I teased his ass... I would have tried more, but we didn't have any lube."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Look at you, Casanova.”

Cas waggled his eyebrows. "It's about time... I think I’ve really tasted blood now. Like I can't think of anything other than sex at the moment. It's ridiculous. Like I'm constantly horny. I know it's because of hormones, and growing up, and blah-blah, but damn."

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, trying to think of anything but his best friend having sex with another guy. “Welcome to puberty, I guess.”

"Thanks," Cas replied sarcastically, "I had hoped I could skip it. Anyway… I'm seriously glad all my research is coming in handy now."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Nerd.”

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "Well, obviously, being a nerd is a good thing, cause the nerd is getting laid." He sounded way too gleeful.

“Alright, sex fiend,” he chastised. Dean was more than ready for a new subject.

"So, um… what, um, about Saturday? Is that still on?" Cas asked hesitantly after a moment. "I mean… I'm here now, and we technically don't need to meet at the bat cave."

Dean nodded, swallowing thickly. He’d forgotten about their plans for Saturday. “Uh, sure. Could just relocate it to here.”

Cas nodded slowly, looking away from Dean. "We should maybe, um, lock your door then…” 

“And play loud music,” he breathed out. 

"Yeah," Cas replied, sounding equally breathless as he carded his fingers through Dean's hair again before he leaned in closer to kiss Dean. "Not so loud that people come knocking though."

Dean nodded as he braced his hand on Cas’s neck. “Yeah, wouldn’t want that.”

Cas turned them around on the mattress, his bed squeaking a little before he hovered over Dean for a quiet moment. He just looked at him, holding Dean in his arms before he kissed him again. This time hesitantly licking over his lips.

Dean groaned as he succumbed to the kiss. He really liked kissing Cas, it was comforting and familiar, while also exciting and a little addictive. He gasped and reluctantly drew back when the kiss started having more of an effect on him. “Whoa, I think you’re confusing me with Luke,” he teased, but it just made him feel annoyed with himself for even bringing it up again.

Cas backed away from him, for a moment a disappointed and sad expression flitting over his face before he scrunched his eyebrows. “It really bothers you. That I made out with him,” he stated thoughtfully.

Dean sighed and moved to sit up. “I don’t know if it’s ‘cause it’s him, or ‘cause you left me hanging to make out with a douchebag…”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “I'm really sorry about that, Dean. But I couldn't just let him go like that, especially when I realized why he was acting like that. And…” He looked away, his expression suddenly embarrassed. “And you know how much I wanted to make out with a guy. I’m tired of not knowing if I'm really gay, or something else.”

“Guess I don’t count, huh?” Dean hadn’t meant to sound so defensive.

“You’re my best friend, Dean. I can’t have sex with you.”

“You said make out, not sex specifically,” he murmured as he braced his elbows against his knees.

Cas rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant. I didn’t just kiss him.”

Dean shrugged. “So? What’s the verdict? You think you’re gay? Or still on the fence?”

Cas gave him a pained expression before he slumped forward, and pressed his face into Dean’s pillow. “I’m weird… that’s my sexuality,” was the muffled reply.

Dean ruffled Cas’s hair. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Cas made another noise that sounded like a whining protest and a hum, like he wanted pity. “Dean…” He let himself fall to his side to look up at him. “You know what turned me on the most? It wasn’t anything physical. It was the way he trusted me with everything. And with Lenore… I know she trusted me too, but she was a lot more confident than she looks. I think I really liked that I could be someone he felt safe with. I didn’t even know Luke had a side like that…” He looked thoughtful again. “Physical things aren’t very important to me… I don’t care if someone has blue eyes, or a great body, or tits or a dick… so I can’t say if I’m attracted to a guy or a girl… But so far I have more fun with guys.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a Prince Charming complex,” he teased as he feigned a swoon. “My hero!” Dean braced the back of his wrist against his forehead.

“Is that a thing, or did you just make that up?” Cas asked in a serious voice.

Dean chuckled and shrugged. “No idea, but it definitely sounds like a thing.”

“So you think I need to feel like a hero to the people I date,” Cas repeated thoughtfully.

“Maybe. I mean, based on what you just said, it makes sense.” Dean smiled and leaned down to rest his head on his crossed arms over Cas’s chest. 

“Well, Lenore liked me… and Luke told me he’s had a thing for me since I was made Captain. Based on those two, I would say I feel more attracted to Luke because I can see the huge difference I make for him. Something I didn’t have with Lenore… but it doesn't add up, ‘cause there is someone else I feel more attracted to and this person seems to have no problems.”

Dean furrowed his brow and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

Cas shook his head. “I'm just saying the hero complex isn't fitting either, because I'm attracted to a person that doesn't see me like that, and who isn't broken in any way.”

“And when were you gonna tell me?” Dean demanded in an indignant tone.

“Tell you what?” Cas asked in confusion.

“That you have a crush on someone.”

“Oh…” Cas looked away and shook his head. “Because it’s inconsequential and stupid. And totally out of reach. Like when you have a crush on an actor or musician, you know?”

“Still, you’ve never talked about a crush before. So… who is this inconsequential person?”

Cas shook his head again, looking thoroughly embarrassed, his cheeks tinged a red hue. “I can’t tell you; I’m going to take that to my grave. And that was so not the point I was trying to make. My point was that I still don’t know what exactly it is that makes me find other people attractive. I just know that it’s not their gender.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully and quirked his brow. “So, you like people for who they are? I didn’t think that was real.”

Cas tilted his head and looked way too adorable. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t care what they look like. You didn’t like Luke like that until you found out what made him tick.” Dean shrugged. “Sounds like you like what’s inside, not outside.”

“That’s a thing?” Cas asked hesitantly.

“Well, it’s what they always tell us, right? It’s not what’s outside, it’s what’s inside that counts. Maybe you took it to heart.”

Cas gave him a skeptical look. “I don’t know. I can’t remember anyone telling me that, and making a decision. I was always like that… and I think it’s weird because no one does that, right? I mean, I listened to all my friends for years talking about how they like some girl’s ass or tits… never anything like, I like her cause she makes me laugh.”

“Not saying it doesn’t make you weird, but maybe you’re looking at it as a negative, not a positive,” Dean countered.

“I just don’t understand why I am so different. It would be so much easier if I wasn’t,” Cas replied quietly.

Dean tilted Cas’s chin up and smiled. “Fuck normal.”

Cas mirrored the smile before it turned into a smirk. “I intend to on Friday… though he isn’t exactly normal either.”

Dean braced his hand over Cas’s face and pushed him away. “Bad pun.”

Cas chuckled and grabbed Dean’s wrists, playfully pulling him onto his lap. “It's your fault if you give me source material like that.”

“Now it’s my fault you make bad puns?” Dean challenged as he half heartedly fought against Cas.

Cas let go of his wrists in favor of wrapping his arms around Dean, pulling him closer. “Oh yeah, definitely. I have no control over this.”

Dean chuckled and snuggled against Cas. “I can tell.”

Cas buried his fingers in Dean’s hair. He seemed to really like doing that. “You have to watch over me and protect the world from my bad puns. I’m basically your responsibility now.”

“When did I sign up for that?” Dean asked as he pressed his head against Cas’s fingers.

Cas carded his fingers gently through Dean's hair, grinning at him. "What? You didn't read the small print on our friendship contract?"

Dean shrugged and hummed. “Guess not.”

"There was a lot in the contract," Cas explained lowly, his other hand softly wandering down Dean's spine. "There is also a paragraph that says you need to forgive me if I make out with assholes just cause I'm horny."

Dean laughed. “Well, shouldn’t that go both ways?” he challenged.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Okay, alright. I’ll try to be more accepting of you and Rhonda, and you try to tolerate Luke.”

“It’s only fair,” Dean said with a broad grin.

Cas shrugged before he let both of his hands fall to Dean's waist. "You're right. I have absolutely no room to judge you for Rhonda as long as I’m making out with Luke." 

“Yeah. Man, at least tell me he’s a bad kisser or something.”

Cas grabbed Dean's cheek and rubbed his thumb over it, searching his eyes for a moment before he replied, "You're a better kisser."

And if that made Dean feel good, well… no one had to know. “So are you,” he confessed.

"Just because it’s like licking out an ashtray when you kiss her?" Cas asked hesitantly.

“Well, that’s definitely one of the reasons.”

"One of the reasons?" Cas gave him a shy smile.

Dean returned the smile and nodded. “Yeah. Just one.”

"I guess you won't tell me the other reasons?" 

“Not a chance.” 

“I guess I’ll let my imagination run wild then,” Cas replied with a shrug before his expression turned serious. “Do you still want to know… you know, stuff I do with him? I know you said I should tell you… but it seemed like you didn’t want to know. Which I totally get, by the way. I mean, he’s not really your favorite person.”

Helluva question. Dean wasn’t sure how to answer that. His curiosity was piqued, but Dean really didn’t like Luke, and didn’t want to hear Cas gush about their hookups. “Your call, Cas. If you wanna talk about it, I’ll pretend you’re talking about someone else.” He gave him a small smile.

“You told me to tell you about all my firsts.” Cas reminded him. 

“True,” Dean affirmed, “but that doesn’t mean I have to imagine you doing whatever with Luke.”

Cas looked away from him, biting his lower lip, and Dean could see that Cas was trying to hide his grin. "So, um, Dean... who are you imagining I'm doing it with?"

“Nope. I’m not telling you.”

“I’ll tell you my celebrity crush if you tell me,” Cas offered.

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. But it wasn’t like Cas would know Dean was lying. Because there was no way he would tell him Dean was imagining himself in the role of Cas’s love interest. “Alright. You first.”

“Okay, but you need to promise me not to laugh, okay?" Cas said before he added, "This is embarrassing enough as it is."

Dean couldn’t help but smile. He shook his head. “I can’t make that promise, but I’ll try.” It was the best he could do.

Cas sighed deeply and looked down at his lap. "Okay... I guess, I can't expect more... Um, it's, um, Paul Rudd."

Dean was impressed. He smirked and asked in a sing-song lilt, “Have you seen _Clueless?”_

The way Cas's face turned red was a sight to see. "Um, no... um, maybe. Just a few scenes... or more. He looks like a Baldwin."

Dean chuckled and shook his head in amazement. “I can’t even tell you how proud I am of you right now.”

“Shut up,” Cas replied, but there was no bite to it. He could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s your turn.”

Dean had to think about it for longer than was probably believable, but it didn’t matter. He rubbed the back of his neck and murmured, “Joey Lawrence.”

Cas raised his eyebrows before he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I can live with that. So, Joey will be starring as Luke’s stand in in future references."

Dean hummed dreamily. “Yeah, maybe I’ll be your stand in in those references too…”

Cas gave him a playfully shocked look. "Don't you dare!"

“Why should you get to make out with Joey? Whoa!” Dean mimicked pretty flawlessly if he did say so himself. He grinned broadly as he waggled his eyebrows.

“Because he is a Luke replacement, and I’m the one making out with him,” Cas replied with a playful pout.

Dean shook his head. “Uh, uh. You get Paul Rudd and Joey Lawrence? You’ve gotta learn to share.”

“Unbelievable,” Cas complained before he suddenly pulled Dean into a kiss. When he leaned back he squinted his eyes at him. "If you start editing my sexual experiences in your brain with completely different people, then I’ll edit yours with Rhonda too. And I won't tell you who I'm picturing you with."

Dean raised his eyebrows and leaned in, ghosting his lips over Cas’s as he breathed out, “Tell me.”

"Nope." He grinned, running his fingers up Dean's side.

Dean leaned in, sucking Cas’s earlobe between his teeth, before he started slowly moving his hips. “Come on…” he pleaded.

Cas gasped quietly, pulling Dean closer before he let his fingers gently trail over Dean's back. "No chance."

“What can I do to earn it?” Dean asked, groaning softly as he did.

“Nothing.” He chuckled. “I’m not going to tell you, and you have to live with that.”

Dean chuckled and pinched Cas’s cheek. “You suck.”

“Especially dick,” Cas replied with a broad grin before he playfully pushed Dean from his lap and laid next to him. “What a long ass, weird day.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” Dean moved to lay on his stomach as he looked at Cas. “But school’s finally over.”

“Yeah, we can have whole days of doing what we want!” Cas sounded excited before he asked, “What are we going to do with so much free time?”

Dean chuckled. “Probably spend most of the time playing video games in my pjs.”

"So, Friday I’ve got plans. Saturday we have a date, we could also go back to the beach… and, um, when was Pride again?" Cas asked thoughtfully.

“Third weekend in June I think, I’ll have to double check. So, about a month away,” Dean murmured as he braced his chin on his forearm.

"I’m kind of looking forward to it." Cas confessed after a moment of quiet.

Dean smiled. “Me too. I saw a pride parade in Kansas two years ago in passing, and it looked… fun.”

“Fun?” Cas chuckled. “Come on, tell me more.”

“Well, the crowd wasn’t anywhere as big as it probably is in big cities, like Chicago, or New York.” Dean smiled as he turned onto his side to face Cas. “I saw a group of men riding bicycles, butt ass naked. Drag queens. People dressed as fairies. It was… really cool to see so many people just happy to be themselves.”

Cas grinned. "That sounds like a lot of fun." He chuckled and shook his head. "I just pictured my mother's face seeing all of that…”

Dean shook his head. “I can’t believe people can be so hateful.”

“She would probably think she was in Hell seeing naked men riding a bicycle.” Cas shrugged. “I think she is afraid of everything that isn’t like her.”

“Well, that’s a terrible way to go through life,” Dean murmured as he reached out to grasp Cas’s hand.

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean's hand before he intertwined their fingers. "Yeah... She's always stressed. I don't think I've ever seen her smile."

Dean used his free hand to tap Cas’s lips. “Yeah, maybe you get that from her.”

"Hey, I smile," Cas complained, play-shoving back and forth with Dean’s hand.

“I know. I like when you do.”

Cas smiled at that before he reached out and playfully pinched Dean's cheek. "That's funny, ‘cause I like when you smile, too. Makes your freckles come out somehow."

Dean rolled his eyes and shrugged him off. “I should wear concealer just to spite you.”

“Why would you do such a horrible thing?” Cas chastitied playfully. “You really don’t see how cute they are, do you?”

“No. But they seem to make you happy, so I’m hating them less.” The weird thing was, that was true. His freckles had always been a source of contention with his appearance. Until Cas.

"That's good to hear. And I seriously can't believe I'm the first one who told you how cute they are." Cas shook his head, and Dean could see that his gaze wandered over his face and down to his arms, where he also had freckles.

Dean flicked his nose. “Hey. My eyes are up here,” he said with a knowing smirk.

"I know anatomy, Dean," he chuckled, scrunching up his nose before he playfully shoved Dean. "And you have nice arms."

“Said the walking Michelangelo.” 

Cas gave him a skeptical look. "Now you're just exaggerating shamelessly."

Dean grinned. “Not even. But it’s cute you think so.”

Cas looked away with a shy smile. "We need to change the topic. I hate when I turn into a tomato… it's embarrassing."

Dean pinched his cheek and patted it. “Like I said. Cute.”

"It's really not," Cas complained, swatting Dean’s hand away playfully. "I hope I'll grow out of this."

“I hope you don’t,” Dean admitted with a soft laugh.

Cas gave him an adorably disgruntled look. "Stop teasing me, Dean." But there was no bite to it. There was a shy smile still playing around his lips.

_Damn._ He was so friggin’ cute. Dean smiled and leaned up to take off his shirt, getting ready to go to sleep. “Just ‘cause it’s you.”

"Thank you." Cas licked over his own lips, his gaze trailing over Dean's chest. "Um, I should go to, um… back down there."

“If you want.” Dean shrugged as he started unbuckling his belt.

"Do you want me to stay here?" He asked with a smirk before he pulled off his jersey.

Dean smiled as he shuffled off his jeans. “Well, who else will protect me from the dragons?”

Cas tossed his jersey from the bed before he grinned. "That's awfully true. You know you should sleep in my arms... just so I’ll be the first to wake up if a dragon starts to gnaw on you while you’re sleeping."

Dean nodded as he waited for Cas to lay down again before cuddling up against him. “Good plan, brave knight.”

"I have to be good for something other than being your poster boy," Cas replied with a smirk.

“You’re good for a lot of things.”

"Oh yeah?" Cas turned his head and pressed his face against Dean's hair. He sounded tired.

Dean nodded against him. “Yeah.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him and slid his hands over Dean's back. "Damn, you're cozy."

Dean hummed as he nestled against Cas. “See? Better than the cold floor.”

"So much better," Cas hummed, pressing his lips against his head for a lazy kiss.

Dean chuckled, feeling boneless and heavy all at once as he succumbed to the comfort of their embrace. “Mmm.”

"Sleep well, Dean," Cas murmured.

Dean wasn’t sure if Cas understood his response, he just got lost in the warmth of another person and the rhythmic hum of his best friend’s chest.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was unsurprising how quick the two weeks flew by. That tended to be the case when it came to dread. Two weeks and then his parents came back for their ten day reprieve between trips. In which Cas was forced to return home, and stay there this time. Because of course Michael told on him, like the rat he was. After being yelled at for thirty seven minutes and fourteen seconds, thankfully Cas only had to endure the silent treatment for the remainder of their stay at home. The Europe trip had been moved up that year, because they wanted to be sure they were home before Michael started his final semester at Columbia law. 

The only solace he had, when stuck in the choking silence of a very cold home, was reflecting on his time staying at Dean’s. Even though Cas had stayed with Dean for two weeks, they hadn't spent much time together except during the nights and mornings. They’d even had to cancel their “date” that Saturday because Rhonda wanted to have sex, and Luke wasn't thrilled Cas planned to spend a whole day with Dean. So they had decided on a rain check, although Cas had a feeling that he should stop getting into sexual situations with Dean. The thing between Luke and him… he wouldn’t say it was serious, but it was getting there. And the last thing Cas needed was to overcomplicate things. Especially since he planned to fall out of love with Dean. And that wouldn't happen as long as he let himself get tempted by makeout sessions.

And then his parents were gone again, and while Cas was stuck at home, thankfully Michael’s friends had invited him on a road trip, and Cas had a little peace for a while. And suddenly it had been about a month and Pride was fast approaching.

The thing was, Cas still wasn’t sure if Dean was okay with Luke accompanying them to Pride. Although Luke had stopped calling Dean a fag, or using other choice words for him, they still weren’t on friendly terms with each other. But Cas had argued that it would be good for Luke to see that he wasn’t alone in his sexuality, and that he would likely comes to terms with it more easily if he saw people like them, celebrating being gay and being open about it. So Dean had agreed that they would take him, but Cas could see that he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it.

Cas hadn’t had sex with Luke yet, but they were building up it. Every time they met up for dates, it had ended in heavy make out sessions, but Cas could see that Luke was still struggling. He was still too afraid to try real sex, and although Cas really wanted to do it with Luke, he had no problem taking things slow. It was fun making Luke crazy with want every time they were together. He was super receptive, and Cas loved seeing him like that.

When Pride arrived, they didn’t drive in Cas’s car because it only had two seats, so they decided to take the L instead. It took a lot longer, but Cas hoped Dean and Luke would use this opportunity to maybe bury the hatchet. He realized that this probably wouldn’t happen when Luke pushed Dean out of the way so he could sit down next to him on the train, leaning his head on Cas’s shoulder with a demonstrative smirk on his face.

Dean gave him a falsely pleasant smile and moved to sit across from them, turning slightly to focus on the scenery rushing by.

Cas gave Luke a pointed look. “There is no reason for a pissing contest, Luke. There is no competition between the two of you, okay? So just be nice.”

“I _am_ being nice,” he murmured petulantly, as he made a point of stroking Cas’s thigh when Dean turned to look at them.

Cas had no idea why Luke felt the need to mark his territory in front of Dean. It wasn’t like he knew that Cas was hopelessly in love with his best friend. And he would keep that information to himself until he died. He turned towards Luke and touched his cheek before he pulled him into a gentle kiss. “Seriously, there is no competition. Dean is my best friend. He doesn’t care if you want to sit next to me.”

Luke gave him a soft smile. “I’m sorry, he just drives me nuts with how touchy-feely he is.”

Cas rolled his eyes and playfully pinched Luke’s nose. “Green is not a good color on you, baby.”

“That’s just plain untrue,” he teased, playing with Cas’s hand.

Sadly, Luke knew that Cas kind of liked that Luke was possessive about him. He just didn’t like it when it was around Dean. Probably because it was too close to the truth, and Dean actually was a real threat if he ever showed interest in Cas. He shook his head and carded his fingers through Luke’s hair, flashing him a smile before he laughed. “You’re horrible.”

Luke smirked. “And yet you still like me.”

Cas grinned and kissed him again, and this time Luke pushed his tongue into his mouth. Cas kissed him back for a moment before he leaned back, shaking his head. “Guilty as charged, but that doesn’t change that you’re still a pain in the ass sometimes.”

“Yeah, you’d rather give me pain in the ass,” he leered.

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Can you guys at least wait until I can’t hear you?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, giving Dean a sheepish look. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Do you guys want to do anything after the parade, or just head back home?”

“I wanted to check out the after parties,” Dean said.

Luke looked put off by the idea.

“What?” Cas asked him. “You don’t wanna go?”

“It’s bad enough we’re doing this,” he grumbled, but smiled at Cas and added, “but whatever you want to do. I’m happy to hang out with you.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile before he grabbed Luke’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “You’ll see, it will be fun. And I'm glad you're giving this a chance.”

At that moment Dean stood up to look out of the window. He grinned as he waved for Cas to join him.

“What is it?” Cas asked as he stood up and moved to stand beside Dean, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder to look out of the window.

Dean pointed, and even from the L Cas could see swarms of people and rainbows all along Halsted Street. “It’s amazing.”

Cas’s eyes widened before he grinned at Dean, playfully leaning against his shoulder. “I can't wait to see it all.”

Dean nodded and before he could say anything, Luke squeezed in between them, leaning over the seat to look out of the window. “Wow.”

Dean rolled his eyes at Luke behind his back, and moved to sit down where Luke had been.

Cas turned to look at Dean, giving him an apologetic look. He started to feel a little stressed about the situation. He didn’t know why Luke couldn’t just get along with Dean; it was all Cas wanted.

And he knew why he wanted that. If Dean had too many problems with Luke, Cas would break up with him. Dean was more important than his love life, but it would still suck to give up his first (kind of) relationship with a guy. “In two stops we need to get off.”

Dean nodded and turned to look out of the other window. 

Luke smiled at Cas, grabbing his hand to give it a quick squeeze before he finally moved to sit on the seat. 

Cas felt torn. He could physically feel how far apart Dean was from him, not just because of the seats, but also because he wasn’t looking at him and didn’t appear to be having too much fun. For a moment, he regretted inviting Luke, but on the other hand, when he looked at his date… He had never seen him smile so often. It was really nice to see. 

  
Cas returned the smile and squeezed Luke’s hand, before he leaned over to him and kissed behind his ear, whispering, “You’re cute when you smile.”

Luke’s smile grew wider as he rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Shut up, Novak.”

“Aw, are you blushing? That is adorable,” Cas teased before he wrapped one arm around his shoulder with a grin.

Luke shoved him off playfully. “You’re a jackass.”

Cas chuckled and pulled him close again. “Sorry, it’s just too funny to tease you. Forgive me?” he asked with a puppy-eye look.

Luke rolled his eyes before he shrugged. “Fine. Just ‘cause it’s you.”

Cas kissed him behind his ear again. “Thank you, baby.” He knew Luke liked when he called him that. Cas hoped Luke would get along better with Dean if he showed him, without a doubt, that he was his date. Maybe Luke would stop feeling like Dean was his competition then.

Luke was pretty much cuddled against him when the L arrived at their stop. Dean grabbed his messenger bag and moved to stand. “We’re here,” he murmured as he made his way to the doors without waiting for them.

Cas grabbed Luke’s hand and pulled him up with a smile, following Dean outside with a deep sigh. They made their way from the crowded platform and headed in the direction of the parade, already seeing crowds of people that were obviously going in the same direction. Cas grabbed Dean’s shoulder, hoping to get his attention. “Hey, are you okay?” 

Dean nodded mutely and gave him a small smile. He then looked around and quickly ducked into an alley, pulling stuff out of his messenger bag. “Keep an eye out,” he urged.

Cas gave him a confused look, but did as he asked, turning around to see if anyone was coming in their direction. “What are you doing?” he asked without looking.

“You’ll see,” he said with a chuckle as Cas heard some rustling. After about a minute, Dean said, “alright.” And when Cas turned to look at him, his mouth went dry. Dean had taken off his shirt and shorts, substituting them for cut off jean shorts and nothing else. He grinned and held his hands out after he slung the messenger bag over his shoulder. “Huh?”

Before Cas could say anything, Luke snorted and said, “You look like a fag.”

“Kinda the point,” Dean argued with an eye roll, as he started walking towards the parade again.

Cas shoved Luke and gave him a pointed look. “Hey, we talked about that word, didn’t we? You know I hate when you say that.”

He turned to Dean with a grin, really enjoying the view. “You will certainly get attention like that, Dean.”

Dean turned back and smirked. “Good. ‘Cause I plan on getting laid tonight.”

Of course it sucked hearing that. He still hated the fact that he couldn’t be Dean’s boyfriend. But this was something he had to get used to. So he gave Dean an encouraging smile. “Go, you.” It was hard to wear a mask of indifference in that moment. “You’ve got condoms, right? Because if not, I’ve packed a few.”

Dean pulled a gold wrapper and single serving lube packet out of his back pocket and smirked. “Ten steps ahead of ya’.”

“That’s a magnum, no _way_ you need that,” Luke countered with a disbelieving scoff.

Dean chuckled as he tucked them back into his pocket. “I don’t plan on being the one wearing the condom.”

And yes, that hurt even more. “Not sure if I should wish you luck or not, for meeting someone with a dick size that requires magnum.”

“Well, been practicing with the toy Rhonda got me, so I think I’ll be alright.”

Luke looked a little taken aback and mildly annoyed, but thankfully he didn’t say anything.

“Well then, you’ve got nothing to fear.” Cas chuckled and playfully pushed against Dean’s shoulder as they made their way to the parade. He tried not to think about it. It hurt too much, so he decided to just accept it and concentrate on Luke, giving him a quick look over his shoulder. Though he still felt a little annoyed with him for his comment earlier.

When they entered the crowd of thousands of people in different states of dress and undress, the amount of leers, catcalls, and wolf whistles Dean started receiving was, well… totally expected, actually. Dean had a really nice body, toned and defined muscles, maybe not as ripped as Cas, but that wasn’t an issue.

It was stupid how much Cas wanted him to put on a shirt again. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ll quickly find something, showing off your freckles like that,” Cas murmured as he leaned over to Dean.

Before Dean could respond, a large, burly man, clad only in black chaps and black leather straps criss-crossed under his bulging pecs, stepped in close and pawed Dean’s ass with an appreciative growl. “Aren’t you fine?”

“Hey!” Cas stepped in between them with a growl, glaring at the guy. “Just ‘cause he looks good, doesn’t give you the right to just touch him.”

“Cas, it’s fine,” Dean said as he turned to the guy, who flashed Cas a mischievous wink as he guided Dean forward. 

“Looks like Dean’s gonna get his wish,” Luke said with a snort of laughter.

Cas felt sick; he turned to Dean and shook his head. “It’s not fine, Dean. You can easily find someone who won’t just start touching you like you’re a piece of meat, and not a person.”

Dean flashed the guy a quick smile and pulled Cas aside; when Luke started to follow, Dean held his hand up. “Stay there.” When they were out of the path of the parade goers, Dean said in a soft, annoyed tone, “Stop it. It’s my choice who I hook up with, and you don’t get to police it, no matter how much it comes from a place that means well.”

Cas looked down, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I know. I’m sorry,” he breathed out. “I’m just worried, and don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You know Ted Bundy was a nice, charismatic guy, right? I can handle myself, and maybe this way I’ll stop dragging you guys down.”

Cas stepped in front of him, not able to stop his worried tone from seeping through. “Is it because I brought Luke with us? Did I fuck this day up for you?”

Dean sighed and shook his head. “I was hoping today was just gonna be you and me, but I can’t be pissed, because you’re right. Luke needs to see and experience this, especially considering how much he hates gays. So, instead of being a third wheel, I’m gonna get laid, and you’re gonna let me.”

_Great, so he basically pushed Dean into doing this ‘cause he brought Luke along._

Cas swallowed and nodded. “You know that you don’t have to do anything with that guy, right? I mean… just, are you sure you really want this?”

“Cas. I’m a big boy. I know what I’m doin’.”

“I know. M’sorry.” Cas scrubbed his hand over his face. “It’s your choice anyway. It’s not my place to say anything. Sorry.”

Dean drew Cas in for a hug and patted his shoulder. “Stop bein’ a mother hen and go make out with your boyfriend in public, ‘cause it’s pride.” When he drew back, he smiled at Cas. “These are our people, Cas.”

And for the first time since this started Cas’s smile was real. He nodded and squeezed Dean’s shoulder. “Yeah, you’re right. We should celebrate… I’ll try to stop being your concerned best friend, telling you you can do way better…” Cas smirked at Dean. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“It’s like you think I wouldn’t throw in your face that you brought a closeted homophobe to pride,” Dean returned with a smirk and a hip check. “Besides,” Dean started as he appreciatively looked the scary guy over, “he reminds me of Gunner Lawless.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “You know, I thought the exact same thing when I saw him.”

“Right? Maybe he’ll punish me,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

Cas put his palm on Dean’s face and playfully shoved him. “Ugh, thanks for the image,” he complained as they made their way back. He really didn’t need to think about that. So he tried to get back to Luke, to be there for him.

Luke’s eyes were widened in shock. He grabbed Cas by the forearms and said, “A drag queen just offered me drugs.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Did you take ‘em?”

“I couldn’t speak, so he assumed I was already high, and disappeared.” Luke shook his head in amazement.

Cas had to look away for a moment to hide his grin, exchanging a very amused look with Dean, before he turned back to Luke to pull him into his arms. “Don’t worry.” He chuckled. “I’ll stay with you now, and protect you from Queens that offer you drugs.” 

“Thank you,” he breathed out, sounding more genuine than sarcastic.

Dean winked at them and ran up to the Gunner wannabe, gently tapping his arm to get his attention. The man grinned at Dean lasciviously, and groped Dean’s ass again as he leaned in to whisper something into his ear.

Cas felt his chest constricting, and all he wanted was to go over there and punch that assclown for touching Dean like that. But he couldn’t. Dean had made his choice and he needed to respect that. So he quickly looked away before he leaned back to look at Luke’s face. “Are you alright, baby?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, it’s just kinda crazy,” he said as he continued to look around in amazement.

Cas let his gaze wander over the people celebrating, purposefully avoiding looking in Dean’s direction as he wrapped his arms around Luke’s waist to pull him closer. He gave Luke a smile and kissed his forehead. “But you know what? You can kiss me right in the middle of the street, and everyone will think it’s normal.”

Luke smiled and turned to cup his face. “I like the sound of that,” he murmured as he closed the distance between them.

Cas pulled him tighter as he lost himself in the kiss, trying to purge the images of that guy touching Dean from his mind. Luke was his boyfriend. He owed it to Luke to be focused on him. He licked deep into Luke’s mouth, slipping one hand under his shirt to feel his skin. “I love kissing you,” he murmured against his lips. “Pretty awesome to just do it without looking over my shoulder all the time. Or do it in secret.”

“Yeah, it’s exciting,” he said as he dove in for another kiss.

Cas kissed him back with a hum, before he pulled Luke into a close hug. “Yeah, it is. You know… I hope that one day, this will be normal, you know? That we can just do this every day. Not just at Pride.” He looked up to see if the parade was starting when his gaze fell back on Dean.

The scary guy was leaning his weight into Dean, his lips attached to Dean’s pulse point, Dean chuckling, his hand in the guy’s hair.

Cas quickly turned away, angry with himself that he had looked. “Would you have taken the drugs if you hadn’t been paralyzed from being confronted by a drag queen?” 

Luke shook his head. “Nah, I… I don’t like any of that shit.”

Cas gave him a relieved smile and kissed Luke’s cheek. “That’s good to know. So what was so scary about the Queen that it paralyzed you?” He tried to sound serious, although it was difficult. Cas almost could not deal with how cute that actually was.

“Dude, he was easily six, eight in those heels, and had more makeup than Mimi from the Drew Carey show. It was terrifying.”

“You were intimidated by the height?” Cas asked in surprise.

“Don’t forget the makeup,” he added.

“That’s hardly frightening. Girls wear makeup all the time.”

Luke laughed and shook his head. “Not like that.”

Cas touched his cheek and gently rubbed his thumb over it. "Scary makeup aside… I just wanted you to come here so you could see… we're not alone in this. And what we do together… it isn't wrong."

“Try telling my dad that,” he said with a sigh.

Cas shook his head. “I won’t. There are people like your Dad, or my parents, who will never get it. This is just about you and me… and how you feel about this when you’re with me.”

Luke cupped Cas’s face and gave him a soft smile. “How much would you hate it if I told you I think I’m falling in love with you?”

Cas's heart skipped a beat as he grabbed Luke's cheek and pulled him into a gentle and lingering kiss. He felt guilty that he didn't return Luke's feelings; even more so because a part of him enjoyed hearing those words. He leaned his forehead against Luke's as he softly whispered, "I don't hate it. Not even a little bit." He leaned back and gave his boyfriend a soft smile. "I'm glad you’re here. Let's enjoy our day of freedom."

Luke nodded, pressing another kiss to his lips. He chuckled and pulled off his shirt, tucking it into his back pocket as he extended his arms out. “When in Rome?”

Cas laughed and let his gaze wander over Luke's well-toned body before he grabbed the hem of his jersey and pulled it off too. "Absolutely," he replied with a grin before he pulled Luke into another kiss, one that ended up being a little needy. 

It was Pride. He really should enjoy the day, instead of thinking about things he couldn't change anyway. 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had never been more glad he packed the daisy dukes. Spending Pride as the third wheel to the best friend, who he had an infuriating crush on, and said best friend’s asshole boyfriend… Yeah, the attention he was getting almost made up for the day starting on a really sucky note.

After the parade, still at the side of Not-Gunner, they went to where the festival was set up. There was a huge beer garden that none of them would get a chance at entering unless bribery was involved. There were hundreds of booths, from carnival type games with queer spins, to merchandise, magazines, food. It was the coolest thing he’d ever seen. 

And knowing that everyone had this one unifying commonality… was pretty damn inspiring. 

Every time he felt almost awed by the majesty of it, Dean would turn and see Cas getting all handsy with Luke, and the awe would turn into this angry pit in his stomach. Dean turned to the guy and gave him a sweet smile. “I’m Dean, by the way.”

They guy flashed him a smirk. "I'm the Chief. Is this your first time at Pride, cutie?"

Dean nodded, ducking his gaze. “Yeah. Saw one in passing a couple years back, but… first time.” Dean forced himself to stop rambling. He probably sounded like a complete dork.

The Chief cupped his cheek. "Well, you found the right place. Full of excitement and fairy dust." He winked at him. "And new experiences, if you're open to them."

He caught Cas kissing Luke in his peripheral and gave the Chief a determined look. “Well, I might need to be stretched first.” It drove him crazy when Rhonda spoke dirty like that. He wondered if he could command the same kind of response.

"You're pretty bold, I like when a guy knows what he wants." The Chief looked over to where Cas was before he turned back to Dean. "You got a crush on that hero-complex guy?"

Dean chuckled, lips pursed in amusement. “Why you wanna know? You offering to take my mind off him?”

“Oh, most definitely.” The Chief grinned. “How about we look for a quiet place where I can make you forget all about him by fucking your brains out?”

Dean tried to keep his cool, but his eyebrows still shot up a little. He had mostly said that shit about wanting to get laid to annoy Cas. His own petty retaliation for him bringing Luke. But he hadn’t been lying about using the toy Rhonda got him. Pretty much every night since she got it for him.

And there was a weird, vindictive part of him that wanted to lose his anal virginity before Luke did to Cas. He licked his lips and looked around. “Where?”

"I got my van parked around the corner from here. It's my band bus, so it's pretty cozy inside," The Chief offered with an eyebrow waggle.

There was a weird combination of buzzing excitement and stranger-danger dread making it hard for him to breathe. Dean pushed the weird thoughts away, cast another lingering look at Cas, who was making out with Luke against a table, and he nodded. “Okay.”

The Chief leaned over and looped his arm around Dean, turning him away from Cas as he guided him through the crowd and booths to another street. "Don't worry. I'll take good care of you. Are you into kissing?"

Dean looked up at him with a soft nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“Awesome,” the guy replied before he nodded at a white VW bus that had colorful graffiti with a band logo on the side. Something about Ghosts and Rocksalt. He couldn’t really read it. “That’s my wheels,” the Chief said proudly before he opened the slide door to let Dean climb in.

The interior was cozy. There was even a mattress next to some music equipment and a guitar case.

“Wow. You weren’t kidding,” Dean said as he crawled onto the mattress, banishing all thoughts of Ted Bundy from his mind.

"Yeah, I sometimes crash in my bus after a gig when it's too late to drive home. Wild life of a musician." He sat next to Dean, and before he could say anything he started to kiss him.

Everything about the man was overpowering. From his size, to his confidence, to the way he kissed. Determined, pleasure seeking, one-track minded. Dean moaned into the kiss as he was pulled onto the man’s lap. Dean drew back to catch his breath. “How do you want me?”

The guy chuckled and shook his head. "Are you already prepped?"

Dean had no idea what that meant, so he shook his head. “No.”

The guy kissed him again and pushed Dean from his lap to stand up, which was difficult in the bus ‘cause it wasn't high enough, before he started to open Dean's shorts, pulling them down. "Then you don't need to ask that question yet. Get on the mattress on your stomach, ass up." Chief commanded, making space for Dean to come back down as he pulled some lube from a bag next to him.

Dean swallowed down his nervousness and got into position, on his stomach, his knees bent as he hiked his ass in the air. He was actually doing this. He was about to give up his anal virginity to a man who hadn’t even given him his real name.

Pretty instantly he could feel his ass cheeks being spread, a wet finger at his hole, circling it. "Boy, you look unused. Almost like a virgin." The Chief pushed his finger against the tight ring of muscle, prodding as he breathed out, "And you're tight... Fuck, I love fucking little virgin twinks."

Dean groaned, unsure if it was from the filthy way the man was talking, or the attention to his hole; either way, he didn’t mind. He just wanted more. “Yes,” he hissed out in pleasure when the Chief slipped his finger in.

The guy chuckled, his other hand kneading Dean's ass before he gently slapped it. "Your tight hole is so needy, almost sucking me in," the guy teased as he pushed in deeper and started to fuck him with his finger.

“Fuck,” Dean moaned as he started circling his hips, trying to get himself stretched as that digit plunged deeper.

He felt another finger at his hole before pushing in and stretching him. "We’ll get there, cutie. Need to take a few fingers first if you want my cock to fit."

Dean groaned at the imagery. He wanted a cock as big as his best friend’s, and Dean pointedly tried to not think about that. “I want it so bad,” Dean pleaded.

"Of course you do, little cock slut." The guy chuckled, pinching Dean's ass with his other hand before he started to fuck him with two fingers, already working in a third one.

It was a little rough and a little too fast, but Dean remembered Cas and Luke making out, so he tried to immerse himself in the moment. “I–I have a condom in m–my pocket,” he stammered out between broken moans when the Chief started tapping his prostate.

He heard some rustling and then the Chief chuckled, never stopping fucking him with his fingers. "Magnum, huh? Well, you're in luck if you have a size kink."

He fucked him deeper and harder with his fingers before he commanded, "Spread your ass for me."

Dean moaned at the command and continued finger fucking. He reached his hands back and spread his cheeks, chin pressed to the futon mattress as he breathed through the intense pleasure. “Please,” he begged, not really sure what he was begging for.

The guy removed his fingers and Dean heard some more rustling and the click of the tube as the Chief moaned. "Don't worry. I’ll take care of your hole. You're already gaping and twitching for me. Begging to be filled." A finger teased his hole before he slapped his ass again, and Dean could feel something huge being pressed against his hole, slowly sinking in.

“Oh, fuck,” he murmured in an elongated groan as he tried to relax. The guy was definitely bigger than the toy. Dean tightened his grip against his spread cheeks, exhaling against the flannel sheet as he was spread wider and filled deeper than he thought was possible. 

“Fuck, you’ve got a tight ass.” The Chief groaned, pushing in deeper. “It’s like you never took a real dick before.”

“I… I haven’t. Just toys,” he confessed as the Chief bottomed out.

"Fuck, you really are a virgin?" For a second the Chief stopped pushing in, his voice a little more serious, "Tell me if it hurts, alright? Don't be shy or try to suffer through it."

Dean nodded, even though the guy probably couldn’t see. “It… it feels good so far.”

"Good, don't be embarrassed if you come faster than usual. As soon as you're comfortable with my whole cock inside you and I start fucking you, well… you’ll see." The Chief chuckled as he sank deeper and up to the hilt, stopping there to let Dean get used to it, like he had said.

Dean felt this constant pressure against his prostate, making it difficult for Dean to keep his cheeks spread from how he was holding them. “Fuck, so good.”

“You can put your hands in front of you again; hold on to the mattress,” he said, leaning forward to kiss Dean’s spine. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

As he did what the Chief said, Dean let out a shaky exhale as he braced himself. When the reality of what he was doing sank in, he let out a soft laugh. Rhonda was never going to believe him.

The Chief grabbed his hips and started to thrust into him, first in slow and long drags that made him crazy for more, and then steadily turned into a hard and fast fucking.

Dean was panting between each moan that escaped when that enormous cock hammered against his magic spot. “Fuck, fuck, yes!”

The guy slid one of his palms over his back and pushed him further down into the mattress before he pulled his ass up higher to fuck him harder and deeper. "Oh, yes, you little cock slut. Your ass is so greedy, sucking me in." The Chief suddenly slipped his arm to his front, playing with Dean's cock.

It was all it took and just as the Chief predicted, Dean came embarrassingly fast. “Oh, fuck,” he murmured as his orgasm was pumped from him, clenching around the girth hammering into him.

The Chief groaned out and fucked him harder before his hips stilled and he pressed into him, coming with a loud moan. "Fuck, yes!" 

He kissed Dean's spine again and slowly pulled out, kneeling behind him and breathing hard. "Fuck, that was fun."

Dean chuckled and collapsed onto his back, his hole aching in the best way. “Yeah, fuck.”

The Chief let his palm gently slide over Dean's chest. "Well, now you have an anecdote for your life. You went to your first Pride and lost your virginity to the Chief in his bus."

“My life is surreal,” he murmured a little breathlessly. Dean turned onto his side to face him. “Was I okay?”

"Okay?" The Chief chuckled and carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "You were awesome. That stupid guy doesn't know what he’s missing."

Dean ducked his gaze in embarrassment. “It’s not like he knows.”

"Are you friends with the guy you have a crush on?"

“Yeah,” he said with a soft laugh. “Best friends.”

The Chief grimaced and shook his head. "I know I'm a few years older than you, but let me give you some advice. Don't ever tell him unless you're absolutely sure he feels something for you other than friendship. I made that mistake once, and I lost my friend because of it."

That was exactly what Dean was dreading. He swallowed dryly and nodded. “Good to know.”

The Chief sighed. "I was tempted so often, you know? He was gay like me… not even a cliché falling for a straight guy story… and I really thought… you know? Because he also liked guys. I was stupid and naive. Just because you like the same gender, it’s not an indication that he also likes you in that way." He pulled off his condom and tied it up before he added, “He said we were still okay after my confession, but he felt uncomfortable around me after that. He couldn't even hug me anymore. And it wasn't his fault, you know? He just didn't want to lead me on. In the end, we drifted apart."

And there was the reality check. Maybe it wouldn’t piss Cas off, but it would make things awkward. Dean didn’t want to lose Cas, in any capacity. So, in that moment, he promised himself he would never tell Cas about his crush. With enough time, he would eventually get over the crush. Right? Dean sighed as he grabbed his underwear and shorts. “I don’t wanna lose him.”

"Then don't tell him. You will get over it eventually and find someone else. Sometimes those things are just huge ass crushes anyway. Especially if he’s the first guy you've met that is like you."

Dean let out a breathy laugh as he slipped his underwear back on. “I’ve never met anyone like him.”

The Chief shrugged and gave him a quick smile as he pulled up his pants. "See? So he's special. It's basically a law that you fall for him. You will get over it. Plenty of fish in the rainbow sea as soon as you get out there in the big, bad world."

“Does that make you a shark?” Dean asked with a challenging smirk as he pulled on his cut-offs.

The Chief laughed at that and shook his head. "More like a friendly whale in disguise."

Dean smiled and leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks.”

"I hope only for the advice and not the fuck." The Chief chuckled before he kissed him. "’Cause that pleasure was all mine." He helped Dean up before he opened the door. "And now get out there and enjoy Pride, cutie."

He couldn’t help but chuckle as he nodded and jumped out of the van. Dean gasped as the friction against his raw hole made his head spin. “Wow.”

“What’s up?” The Chief asked before he wrapped his arm around his shoulder, closing the door behind him.

Dean shook his head in amazement. “Just how much I still feel you,” he said as he patted his ass.

The Chief let his hand wander over Dean's ass and squeezed. "And you will feel it for the next few days, so take it easy with the toys."

Dean nodded. “I will.”

As they walked back to the festival, Dean looked around to try and find Cas. He tried to remember what booth they were near.

That was when he suddenly heard Cas yelling his name. He turned around and saw him running towards him, a worried expression on his face, that turned angry when his gaze fell on the Chief. 

Cas was out of breath when he ran up to him, Luke just a few steps behind. "I looked everywhere for you. Where the fuck have you been?"

Dean was taken aback and furrowed his brow. “Dude, calm down.”

Cas took in an audibly deep breath before he pressed out, "Sorry, I was worried when you were suddenly gone without a word."

“Try running around like a headless chicken,” Luke commented with a pout and crossed arms over his chest.

Dean was proud of himself for not smiling smugly at the guy. He turned to Cas and grasped his forearm. “I’m sorry, Cas. I should’ve told you, but, uh… I’m good. I promise.”

The Chief slapped his ass and winked at him. "More than good, I hope."

Cas's expression grew darker as he practically glared at the guy. He turned back to Dean before he asked, "Okay… um, the main thing is that we found each other again. So, what's… um, what do you wanna do?"

Dean smiled and shrugged. “No idea, wanna see what we can find?”

“Sure,” Cas replied as he grabbed Luke’s hand with a sigh and turned away from them. Dean could see that his best friend was still pissed, although he tried to hide it.

Dean knew he was going to have to make it up to him. With a sigh he followed them into the crowds. It was a little crazy how even being surrounded by thousands of people, he’d never felt more alone. Well, at least he got laid and had a story for Rhonda.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

On the ride back home on the L, Cas had been lost in his own thoughts, resting his head on Luke’s shoulder under the pretense of being tired. In reality he just felt down, because Dean had sex with that stranger just a few hours before.

It also didn't help that Luke had called Dean a slut for that, but at least it didn’t turn into a fight between them, because Dean had just laughed it off, not being provoked by Luke in the slightest. Not that Cas would have had the energy to get between them anyway. 

When they got off the train, Luke grabbed his hand and held him back, whispering, “I know you offered to drive me home from the station, but my Dad’s home and I wanna make out with you.”

Cas raised his eyebrow and gave him a smile. Making out with Luke was exactly what he needed right now to stop thinking about Dean. “Okay… my asshole big brother is probably back from his trip, but I have a spot where we can be undisturbed.” 

Cas gestured to Luke to wait before he caught up with Dean. “Dean, me and Luke… um, it could take longer. Maybe we can meet up tomorrow?”

Dean nodded tiredly. “Sure, Cas.”

He quickly hugged him and gave him a smile, saying goodbye, before he turned around and walked back to Luke. He took his hand in his and smiled at him, leading him to where he had parked. “I’m glad you’re spending a little more time with me today.”

“We’d be spending more time together if my stupid Dad wasn’t off,” Luke grumbled as he looked around before pressing a kiss to Cas’s cheek.

“Yeah, I hate that we have to hide like this.” Cas sighed before unlocking his car and letting Luke in. He got in on the other side and used the moment to pull Luke into one more quick kiss. “But I’ve got a place where we can be alone. Kind of a secret hideout.”

Luke smiled and quirked his brow. “Alright, you gotta show me this secret hideout.”

Cas chuckled, already feeling a little better at the prospect of being alone with Luke. 

The drive back didn’t take long, and Cas parked further away from his house, in case his older brother came back home and saw the car. He pulled Luke through the hedge and down the secret path until they reached the treehouse, climbing up before he pulled up the rope ladder and closed the hatch. “Welcome to my secret hideout.”

Luke was looking around the house in amazement. “I can’t even make fun of you for this. It’s damn cool.”

Cas chuckled and pulled Luke down onto the mattress, instantly drawing him into a heated kiss before he breathed out, “Do you know the best thing about it? We can make out without anyone ever finding out.”

“I like the sound of that,” Luke murmured as he leaned in for another kiss.

Cas grabbed the hem of Luke’s t-shirt and pulled it off of him, sliding his hands over his chest, teasing his nipples. He was already breathing heavy as he pulled Luke into another heated kiss. “Too long since we did more than just steal some kisses from each other.”

Luke chuckled. “Could’ve been a slut like Dean and banged somewhere in public.”

Cas didn’t want to think about Dean, so he shook his head. “Can we please not talk about him?” He rested his head against Luke’s shoulder, kissing it before he added, “And I want to take my time with you… whenever you feel ready.”

Luke cupped Cas’s face to draw his attention back to him. “I’m ready.”

Cas swallowed dryly and gave Luke a surprised look. “You… wanna have sex with me? Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he murmured with an assured nod. “I told you. I think I’m falling for you. I want you to be my first.”

Cas carded his fingers through Luke’s hair, feeling breathless. “Okay,” he breathed out before he smiled at Luke and pulled him into a deep kiss, cupping his cheek gently “You have no idea how happy you’re making me right now.”

Luke smiled; one of the rare genuine smiles. “Then show me.”

Cas chuckled, feeling giddy as he pulled Luke into another kiss, his hands wandering to his jeans, quickly divesting Luke of his clothes. His own clothes immediately followed because he needed to feel Luke’s hot skin against his own. He took his time though when they were both naked, sliding his palms over every inch of revealed skin, trailing the path of his hands with his lips. 

He gently pushed Luke’s legs apart, one hand kneading his ass, before he kissed down his stomach and licked over his erection. He leaned back again to snatch one of the pillows, putting it under Luke’s ass to get better access, before he grabbed the tube of lube that was hidden under the mattress. 

Casting a look at Luke, Cas searched Luke’s expression for any insecurity, or nervousness.

Luke nodded, bottom lip trapped between his teeth. “I’m ready.”

“You know you can change your mind anytime, right?” Cas explained as he uncapped the tube and spread lube on his fingers. “I won’t be angry or disappointed if you change your mind.”

“Castiel,” he breathed out with a soft laugh, “will you just get me ready for your dick?”

Cas chuckled and leaned over to kiss Luke’s stomach. “Yeah, you need to be patient, baby.” He leaned back again to spread Luke’s ass, playfully teasing his hole with his finger. He had done this before. Teasing him, pushing against his hole, but he had never breached it. 

He smiled up at Luke, circling his entrance before he gently pushed, slowly building up more pressure until the tip of his first finger slipped inside.

Luke gasped and bucked up, his breath uneven and trembling. “That’s… wow…”

Cas stroked over Luke’s stomach with his other hand, giving him a reassuring smile. “I know it feels weird at first, but once you get used to it, it will feel good. Just relax and breathe.” He instructed in a calm tone, slowly pushing his finger in deeper.

Luke nodded as he gently urged Cas deeper with a shift of his hips, a soft moan coming out. “Will… will you kiss me?”

“Yeah, of course,” Cas breathed out, leaning over as he braced himself with his free hand next to Luke and licked into his mouth, slowly pushing deeper. He was deep enough now to bend his finger and search for Luke’s prostate.

Luke drew back with a gasp when Cas found it. “Holy fuck.” He looked at Cas like he had invented the universe.

“I promised you it would feel good.” Cas gave him another smile and kissed him, trying to get Luke more relaxed by teasing his prostate, fucking his finger slowly into him. His other finger was already teasing Luke’s entrance, waiting for him to relax enough so he could work a second finger in.

“Why is that so good?” he groaned as he started slowly undulating his hips against Cas’s finger.

“It’s like the male g-spot. Pretty awesome, right?” Cas asked with a smile, drawing Luke into another kiss as he slowly worked in the second finger. “Can’t wait to feel you for real, Luke.”

Luke nodded, groaning in appreciation as Cas kept pressure on his prostate through the stretching. “For real, right? No condom?” He asked as his grip tightened around Cas’s biceps.

“You want me without?” Cas asked in surprise.

“Yeah, I haven’t been with anyone else since we got together.” Luke gave him a small smile.

Cas returned the smile. “You’re the first guy I’ve been with, and with Lenore I used a condom,” Cas explained before he pushed his finger deeper, starting to scissor him open. He trailed a few gentle kisses over Luke’s throat before he breathed out, “Fuck, just the thought of coming in you…” 

“Fuck,” Luke groaned as he arched up against Cas.

Cas leaned back to look at Luke’s face, giving him a loving look as he carefully worked in a third finger. Luke’s expression was open, vulnerable, eyes hooded and lips parted with hot and heavy breaths. “I love seeing you like this.” 

Luke smiled before he threw his head back with a gasp. “I wish it was your dick.”

“You’ll get it in a minute,” Cas promised, having trouble holding back as he fucked three fingers into Luke. “How does this feel, baby?” He needed to be sure that Luke was ready. He didn’t want to hurt him just because he was desperate to get his cock inside of his boyfriend.

“So good,” he said through a moan. “Please, Castiel.”

Well, that was a pretty good sign that Luke was ready. He slowly pulled out his fingers and grabbed the lube again, spreading a lot of it over his throbbing erection. “Fuck,” he groaned as he wiped his hand on the mattress, lining himself up against Luke’s hole. 

He leaned forward and drew him into a heated kiss as he slowly pushed inside. The tightness was instantly overwhelming. “Luke,” he gasped. “Oh, fuck…”

Luke wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “Oh, my god.”

Cas had to practically stop before he pushed into him slowly, not just for Luke’s sake to get used to his size, but also because he didn’t want to come instantly. This felt a million times better than the other times he had sex. He groaned and kissed Luke again, getting lost in the feel and taste of his tongue against his own as he pushed deeper, so deep until he was completely inside of his boyfriend. 

He stopped and looked at Luke, a little breathless. “You feel amazing, Luke.”

Luke nodded, leaning in to kiss him again. “So good, good, fuck, Castiel, please…”

Cas smiled against his lips as he started to thrust into him. The pace was slow, ever so slow, and it was still so fucking hard to keep himself from coming at the overwhelming feeling of heat, and tight, and a delicious friction. In that moment Cas realized he could possibly develop feelings for Luke. He liked him a lot, and this between them… it just worked. “I’m so glad you kissed me back then, you make me very happy, baby,” he whispered against Luke’s lips before he started to fuck him faster.

“Oh, Castiel,” he gasped as he looked at him in pleasured awe. “Oh, fuck, yes!”

Cas had no idea how long he could keep himself from coming, so he slid his hand between them and wrapped his fingers around Luke’s cock, stroking it as he tried not to lose his rhythm. He bit on his lower lip hard to distract from the pleasure of a breath stealing clench. “Fuck, I’m so close, baby.”

“Me too,” he murmured before it turned into an outright moan. “Wanna feel you come in me.”

"Fuck, yes, can't wait to fill you with my come," he growled, drawing Luke into a heated, open mouthed kiss before he fucked him faster.

Luke groaned and murmured against his lips, “Gonna come, gonna come, oh, fuck me harder Castiel!”

Cas was already on the verge. He moaned and grabbed Luke's hip with one hand to get more leverage, fucking into him hard and fast. It was only going to be a matter of seconds now.

“Fuck!” Luke yanked Cas into a fierce and desperate kiss as his hips shuddered and he coated their torsos in his come. 

Luke's hole clenched around him and basically shoved Cas into his own orgasm. He gasped into Luke's mouth, kissing him back eagerly as he pumped his load deep inside of his boyfriend. 

He leaned back, breathing heavy, as he looked at Luke in awe. "Wow," he breathed out, still completely dazed about how awesome it had been.

Luke smiled, dazed and sated as he let out a shaky exhale. “I didn’t know sex could be like that.”

"Yeah, me either." Cas chuckled. "This was a million times better than sex with a girl." He kissed Luke again before he carefully pulled out of him. Cas wrapped his arms around Luke to pull him close.

Luke drummed his fingers on Cas’s chest, head resting against his shoulder. “I’m glad you were my first.”

Cas turned to kiss the top of Luke’s head. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Well, I figured if Dean could be brave enough to do it with a stranger…” he chuckled as he nestled closer.

Cas still felt sick at just the thought. Anything could have happened in a situation like that. But this wasn’t what his mind focused on. “Did you just want to sleep with me ‘cause Dean had sex? Was this a competition for you?”

Luke drew back, his brow furrowed in bemusement. “What? No, I wanted to have sex with you. And I figured if a fag like Dean can be man enough–”

Cas pinched Luke’s arm for using that word again. “Luke.” He rolled his eyes. “Stop using that word. Seriously.”

He gave him a sweet smile and nudged his nose against Cas’s cheek. “Don’t be mad at me when we just finished having awesome sex.”

"Then stop using a word my asshole brother calls me before he beats the shit out of me." He didn't want to make Luke feel bad, but sex or not, Luke was gay and he had to learn to stop using the word.

Luke drew back, his expression regretful. “I’m sorry.”

“C’mere.” Cas sighed and pulled him into a soft kiss, before he cuddled himself against him again. “I know you’re used to this language from your father. And it’s hard to change stuff you have learned for the majority of your life. But please try to be more mindful. You’re using the language of the people who don’t want us to be together. Don’t be on their side, Luke.”

Luke sighed and nodded. “I know, I just… I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” He kissed him again, longer this time, taking his time exploring his mouth lazily while carding his fingers through Luke’s hair. “I wish we could just stay here. That I could fall asleep and wake up next to you.”

Luke flicked Cas’s chest. “You’re gonna make me think you want romance.”

Cas chuckled and nudged his cheek with his nose. "Hey, you were the one telling me you might fall in love with me, so don't pretend you don't like the rare moments I get romantic with you."

At that Luke’s expression turned serious. “Don’t get my hopes up.”

Cas cupped Luke's cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb along his cheekbone. "Hey, just because I'm not there yet, doesn't mean I don't feel anything for you. And I think this between us is going pretty well, don't you? I'm definitely getting my hopes up."

Luke smiled shyly, ducking his gaze. “Thank you for today.”

“For what?” Cas chuckled, giving him a confused look. 

“For dragging me along. For caring enough about me to get me to open my eyes,” he murmured softly.

That was all he had hoped for, and hearing those words from Luke's mouth meant everything to him. It meant that all of the shit he had experienced today had been worth it. "I'm so glad you said that," he whispered before he kissed him. "I care a lot about you, Luke. I mean, just the fact that you trust me enough to let me see this side of you… this is the person, right now… that I'm feeling hopeful with, that this between us could evolve into more."

“You mean that?”

Cas nodded. "Yes, of course." And he did. What he had felt a few moments before; having sex with Luke, feeling the connection to him, the intensity… the trust Luke gave him. It had felt so good that it came close to what he felt for Dean. It did make Cas hopefully, hopeful that his stupid crush would be over soon. and that Luke could take Dean's place.

Luke curled against Cas’s chest and sighed contentedly. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Then don’t,” he whispered, kissing the top of his head as he wrapped his arms around him. 

“If only that was the world we live in,” he said with a wistful sigh.

"Maybe one day. But as long as that isn't the case, just stay here in my hideout with me."

Luke chuckled and wrapped his arm around Cas’s torso. “Okay.”

Cas smiled against Luke’s hair, enjoying the closeness. Not just because of the sex, but also because they were both in a very similar situation, being stuck in a life they were forced to go back to, and had to hide their true selves, constantly on alert that they might get found out. 

But here and now they were safe. Cas lazily slid his fingers over Luke’s naked back, drawing meaningless symbols until his mind shut down completely. His last thoughts were of Dean though… and how much he had wished Dean’s first time would have been more meaningful. Especially because he had wished to be the one Dean got that experience with, as unrealistic as the wish was.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

School would be starting again soon, and Cas had met Luke for a last date before they had to go back to pretending they were just friends for most of the day. They were both feeling down about it, and Cas could sense the underlying desperation in their kisses; the way Luke would cling to his arm when they kissed under their usual tree at the date docks.

“It will especially suck at practice, when I see you, looking all hot and sweaty, and I can’t push you into the next corner to kiss the air out of you,” Cas complained quietly when they went back to his car.

Luke chuckled and nodded. “Can’t give you a celebratory kiss when you kick ass on the court.”

“Or give you a kiss to compliment you on a fucking good game,” Cas added before he sighed. “Or give you a kiss just because…” 

“Just because,” Luke repeated with a saddened sigh. 

“Yeah.” Cas nodded sadly, his fingers twitching to reach out to hold his hand. But they were in public. “This sucks. Summer break was way too short.”

“I swear it gets shorter every year,” he complained. 

Cas chuckled and nodded. “At least we still have the weekends. We can meet at my hideout.”

Luke grinned knowingly. “Definitely looking forward to that.”

When they got back to the car, he opened the door for him, trying to look casual about it. There were so many people in the park, and for some reason, Cas felt like they all knew that they had kissed. He felt better when he closed the door on his side and grabbed Luke’s hand, squeezing it. “One last kiss before I have to get you back home?”

Luke nodded and (after taking a quick look around) leaned in for a kiss, cupping Cas’s neck as he sighed into it.

Cas pulled him closer, licking into his mouth, using the moment to show Luke how much he would miss kissing him. When he pulled back, he gave him a wistful look. “Okay, let’s get you home.”

“Boo,” Luke grumbled as he sank back against his seat with a playful pout.

Cas chuckled and shook his head as he started the car and drove in the direction of Luke’s home. “Stop being so cute. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to resist you when you look like that?”

Luke chuckled and leaned over to press a kiss behind his ear. “Good.”

“I have a feeling you will use that power against me at school. Like sitting somewhere, all innocent, making cute pouty faces at me?” Cas asked, enjoying the last moments of being with Luke for a little while. They couldn’t kiss in front of his house, so they always did it before he drove him home.

“How’d you find out about my secret plan?” He feigned a gasp.

“I know you by now,” Cas replied with a shrug, winking at him before turning back to the street. He sighed when he made a turn into the street Luke lived. 

Luke sighed, and even in his peripheral he could see his boyfriend tense. 

“I seriously hate bringing you here,” Cas breathed out. Not that his own home was any better. 

Luke shook his head. “I hate that you have to leave to go to your own Hell.”

“I have a countdown for that though. I plan to move out as soon as I’m done with school.” Cas replied before he parked nearby Luke’s home.

Luke sighed again as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “And it’s your last year.”

Cas nodded and gave Luke a meaningful look. “A lot can happen in a year. Maybe you’ll decide that your future isn’t already set in stone.”

That was met with a soft smile, one that spoke of the fact Luke had no intention of it, but he was clearly tired of arguing with Cas about it. “Thanks for the ride again.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. I’ll take every second I can spend with you.” Cas really wished he could kiss him one last time, but he knew he couldn’t. The risk was too high. “I’ll see you at school.”

“Yeah. For once, I’m looking forward to school starting,” Luke murmured fondly.

“Yeah, me too.” He grinned. “Especially starting practice again.” He patted his stomach. ”I was so lazy this summer.”

Luke rolled his eyes and laughed. “You should get your eyes checked if you see yourself as anything but perfect.”

“Good to know you still think I’m sexy.” Cas winked at him, knowing he was prolonging their conversation because he had a hard time saying goodbye.

“I do have eyes,” he returned with a smirk as he opened the door. “Good luck tonight,” Luke said determinedly.

“Thanks… You too,” He gave Luke a sad wave, and looked after him for a moment as he returned to his house. He took in a deep breath before he started his car and made his way back home.

Michael was home again, and it was still hell, but at least with their parents home, and not travelling through Europe, he refrained from punching the crap out of him.

His chest tightened when he parked in front of the house, seeing Michael standing there with his arms crossed over his chest and a big smirk. That was anything but good. He contemplated just driving over to Dean’s, but then decided not to be a chicken shit.

When he got out, Michael shook his head at him and approached, blocking Cas’s way into the house. “Where do you think you’re going, faggot? I saw you at the date docks. You kissed that guy from your basketball team. So, I thought mother and father would want to know about that. They’re on their way home from work now because of you.”

Cas stopped breathing for a moment before he just ran like Hell. Michael was yelling after him, but luckily he didn’t follow as he ran down the street and in the direction of Dean’s neighborhood. 

_They knew._ His parents knew. His life was over. He just knew it. They would kill him or stick him in one of those conversion camps, or force him to take medication that would kill him. 

He ran and ran until he reached Dean’s house, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, and sight blurred with tears that he couldn’t stop from falling. He rang the doorbell, trying to get air into his lungs, but it burned and didn’t help at all to make those tears go away. It didn’t matter though. He was afraid, and he needed a place to be safe. And Dean was that place for him.

When Dean opened the door he instantly fell into his arms, pressing his face into his shoulder. He knew he had made it. “Dean,” he breathed out in a broken sob, “Michael knows. He told my parents. They’re going to kill me, or worse.”

Dean pulled him into the house, never once letting him go as he guided him to the living room couch. He didn’t say anything, just held onto him.

That was when Cas realized that Luke had no idea that they had been spotted. And Michael knew who he was, because Luke had been playing on his team for years.

“I have to call Luke, Dean… He… I need to warn him,” Cas stammered out.

Dean nodded and brought him the cordless, watching him as he quickly dialed Luke’s number.

His heart was beating so loud in his ears that he almost couldn’t hear the ringing of the phone. The tell tale click of someone picking up made his heart stumble, and his breathing hitched as he asked, “Luke?”

“This is his father, Carver. Are you Castiel Novak?” Luke’s father asked in a gruff voice.

“Yes. I want to speak to Luke,” Cas replied, hating how his body was shivering.

“You don’t get to talk to my son. Your parents called and accused my son of being a faggot. My son told me that you kissed him against his will, and that he only likes girls. So you’re lucky I’m not suing. I’m taking him off the team, and you stay away from him. If you go near him again…” The rest of the threat was yelled and unintelligible before the call was abruptly disconnected.

Cas swallowed dryly, trying to process what had just happened. More tears ran down his cheek as he slowly put the phone back down. He shivered as he looked at Dean. “He knows. His father knows.”

Dean grabbed his jacket and gave him a reassuring look. “Then let’s go get him.”

Cas shook his head. "No, he… he told his father that… I kissed him against his will and that he likes girls…” He swallowed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "It sounded like his father wanted to believe Luke."

Dean sighed and held his hand. “I’m so sorry, Cas.”

Cas started to shiver again, his gaze tethered to the floor. "I'm so afraid to go home, Dean. I don't know what my parents will do… maybe they’ll force… conversion therapy on me? Or maybe they’ll just throw me out?"

Before Dean could say anything, Mary Winchester walked into the room, doing a double take before she instantly moved to sit by them. “Castiel? What’s wrong, honey?”

Cas swallowed, leaning closer to Dean for support. He didn't want to burden Dean's parents with his fucked up life, but maybe Mary knew what he could do. She had helped him before without questioning it. "I… My brother found out that I… I had a boyfriend, and he told my parents. They are on their way home... and I'm afraid to go home."

“Oh, honey,” she said, her voice soft and unfathomably sympathetic as she gently started rubbing circles on his back. “Why are you afraid to go home?”

"My parents will throw me out… or send me to conversion therapy. I know that will happen, because my mother has talked about it so often. That this is what she would do if she had a queer son." He couldn't stop a new tear from falling.

Mary gently wiped the tear away with the pad of her thumb. “Then don’t go home,” she said simply.

Cas gave her a confused look. “All my stuff is there. My school books… my clothes. And… I can’t stay here…”

“And why couldn’t you?” she asked with an incredulous eyebrow quirk. 

"’Cause…” Cas's voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm still under eighteen, and I have to do what my parents say. And… I don't want to cause you or John any trouble."

Mary sighed and shook her head. “If they kick you out, then it doesn’t matter, right? And John wouldn’t mind turning his office into a bedroom for you.”

Cas didn't know what to say for a moment. "You mean that… I could stay?"

“Of course, honey. As long as you need,” she said sweetly before she moved to stand. “Let me get you something to drink.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Dean said in a grateful tone.

Cas gave Dean a disbelieving look as soon as Mary was out of the room. "I… I can stay with you," he breathed out. It was still hard to imagine that the Winchesters would do this for him. He had never experienced so much kindness before.

Dean gave him a reassuring smile and nodded. “Told you. They like you more than me.”

Cas gave him a quick smile and shook his head. “I should go back and grab some stuff before my parents come back. Would you come with me, so I’m not alone with Michael?”

Dean nodded and squeezed Cas’s hand again. “Wanna go now?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “I have no idea when he called them, so we should hurry. I seriously don't want to see them.”

“Okay,” he said as he got up. “Mom? Can I borrow Baby?”

Mary arrived back in the living room holding a couple of sodas. “Sure, honey. What for?”

Dean clapped a hand on Cas’s shoulder. “To get his stuff.”

As she put the sodas down she grabbed her purse. “Would you like me to come with you?” she asked, directing the question to Cas.

Cas knew he would feel much safer with Mary there. His brother wouldn’t do anything to him with her as a witness. “Yes… if that’s okay?”

Mary smiled and held the keys in her hand. “I’ll drive then.”

Cas wiped away his tears, feeling much safer now with so much backup. “Thank you. I have no idea how to thank you for all of this. And for letting me stay.”

Mary approached and pulled him in for a hug. “No thanks necessary. You’re family.”

Cas swallowed and looked at her with wide eyes. He had no idea what to say or how to feel. He knew he felt the same way though, so he looked down and murmured, “I feel like you have been more of a family to me than my own since I met Dean… I… I don’t know what to say, other than thank you.” He took in a deep breath, before he gave Mary a smile and followed her and Dean outside to the car.

Dean held the front passenger side door open for Cas before he slipped into the backseat. He leaned over the backrest to wrap his arms around Cas from behind. “We’re here for you,” he whispered into his ear.

Cas held onto Dean’s arms and rested his head against him. “Thank you. I have no idea what I would do without you,” he murmured as Mary drove towards Cas’s home. His heart started to beat faster again and he tensed. He hated this feeling. It felt like he was a pig in front of the butcher’s door, fully aware of what was going to happen to him.

“You’d get through it alone too, ‘cause you’re amazing, but now you don’t have to,” Dean murmured as he pressed a kiss to the back of Cas’s neck. 

Cas closed his eyes, squeezing Dean’s arm. He wasn’t sure he would have made it without Dean’s help, but it was nice Dean believed in him. He shivered again when they parked in front of his house. All the lights were on, but he couldn’t see his parents’ cars. “I think they aren’t home, yet,” he murmured before he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out. Maybe he would be lucky if he was fast; just quickly grab his school stuff and clothes.

Dean and Mary followed, Mary squeezing his shoulder in reassurance as she smiled at him. “Grab everything you guys can, that you need; the trunk is big enough to fit both of you if you grab too many things.”

Cas nodded as he pulled out his key and walked up to the door, unlocking it. Michael probably didn’t hear him as he quietly opened the door and looked around. He felt even more tense, especially because the house was so quiet. He nodded at Dean as they made their way up to his room. 

He froze when he found Michael standing in front of his door. “You’ve got nerve coming back here.” His voice was as cold as his eyes. 

“Just getting my school stuff,” Cas carefully replied as he got closer to his door.

Michael stepped aside with a huff as his gaze fell on Dean. “Did you need someone to carry your stuff, faggot?”

Before anyone could say anything, Dean reared his arm back and clocked Michael in the jaw, his teeth clacking together in a sickening crunch.

Mary immediately stepped in front of both of them.

“You little bitch,” Michael hissed, holding a hand in front of his mouth as he glared at Dean, but backing away from Mary. “You have no right to be here!” he yelled at her.

“I still live here, and I asked her to come,” Cas replied angrily before he pushed open his door and started to grab his school stuff, throwing it into his duffel bag, ignoring Michael. Dean started to help him, filling a suitcase with clothes.

When Michael snatched the jacket out of his hand, Mary stepped in and grabbed Michael’s forearm, carefully picking the jacket from his hand. “Here’s how this is going to go. You’re going to go downstairs and stay out of our way.”

“Oh, yeah? Why should I listen to you? I don’t even know you.” Michael growled, but seemed to have enough respect not to struggle against her over the jacket. Cas gave them a quick, worried look before he concentrated on packing again. He knew Mary could handle Michael.

“Because I could beat the ever loving shit out of you, and I have two witnesses that would absolutely corroborate my story about self defense. Or maybe we found you like that. Either way, people are going to take the word of a sweet house wife over that of a spoiled, violent, entitled, abusive piece of garbage. So be a good little rich kid and wait for mommy and daddy in the parlor, or whatever.”

Cas's eyes widened with disbelief as his brother paled and left the room, running down the stairs. He gaped at Mary before he breathed out, "That was… awesome." That was before he realized what Mary had said. He wondered if she knew that his brother had beaten him up before. He tried not to think about it as he quickly returned to packing. _Just a few more things._

“What they say about lionesses and their cubs is true.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t lie, you just like threatening men.”

“Well, I never said _that_ wasn’t true,” she argued.

Cas chuckled and closed his bag, helping Dean with a few last few important things. It wasn't like he had much here anyway. Most of his stuff, like his videos and his gaming console, were already in Dean's room, left from when he brought them over the first time he stayed at the Winchester’s.

"Okay, we can go," he breathed out, and shouldered his duffel bag before he grabbed the handle of the suitcase.

Dean grabbed the suitcase and nodded. “Then let’s get the hell out of here.”

He didn't need to tell Cas twice. They quickly made their way downstairs, Michael was standing there with his arms crossed. He didn't say anything when Cas opened the door and walked outside, which should have clued him in. Cas froze mid step when his eyes fell on his mother, determinedly walking up to the house. "Fuck," he breathed out. He wished he could die in that moment. Anything to not have this confrontation.

His mother looked him up and down, slowly taking in the scene before she narrowed her eyes. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Cas swallowed and looked down. “I–I’m staying with the Winchesters, ma’am.”

His mother approached him, and Cas winced at the sudden sting of pain from his sharply slapped his face. It burned and he startled, automatically hunching over to make himself small. "You’re going nowhere, not until you tell me the truth about what happened to you."

Mary grabbed his mother by the wrist and yanked her away from him. “You hit him again, I’ll make you pick on someone your own size.” Mary looked back at them. “Go put your things in the car and wait for me there.”

His mother pushed Mary away. “I can discipline him as much as I want. If you don’t leave my property, I’m calling the police.” 

Cas didn’t know what to do. He had never disobeyed his mother directly. He felt like he was paralyzed, frozen to the ground.

Mary barked out a laugh. “Oh, you don’t want to call the police when I just saw you assault your underage child with two witnesses present, one of them the victim. Dean, take Cas to the car. Now.”

Dean nodded and gently started guiding Cas to the Winchesters’ car.

Cas didn't dare to even breathe as he let Dean push him to the car, grabbing his duffel bag from him as he opened the backseat door and gently pushed Cas inside. He closed the door behind him, the voices from outside muffled. 

Cas could hear Dean opening the trunk to get his stuff inside, before he shut the trunk again and got into the backseat next to him. Cas hadn't looked out of the window the entire time. His hands, white-knuckled against his knees as he stared at them, not seeing anything. He had never felt so afraid in his whole life, picturing his mother coming over to pull him out of the car, pushing him to the floor before kicking him.

Tears started to fall before he was suddenly enveloped in Dean's arms. He instantly leaned into his warmth and his strength, knowing that he was safe with him. That Dean wouldn't let anything happen to him as long as he was in his arms like this. 

“I’ve got you, Cas,” Dean murmured against the crown of his head, rubbing a soothing circle on his back as he gently swayed.

"Is your mom okay?" Cas asked carefully, not brave enough to look for himself.

Dean leaned over to look, and chuckled. “Oh, yeah. She’s fine.”

There was always the fear that other people who stood up for him would make his situation worse, but then he reminded himself that it couldn’t and wouldn’t get worse. He would just stay with the Winchesters, and if his mother found a way to force him to go back, he would just run away and wait out somewhere until he was eighteen, and they didn’t have any power over him anymore. “I hope she comes back soon,” Cas whispered, his body still shivering. He hated how much adrenaline was pumping through his veins. And not the good kind. He just wanted to run away.

Dean pressed a kiss to his temple and squeezed him a little tighter. “You’re safe, I promise. You trust me, right?”

"Of course," Cas replied, his voice muffled from how he was pressing his face against Dean's chest.

Dean gently grasped his chin to tilt his face up, his expression soft yet determined. “I will never let anything bad happen to you, ever again. I promise.”

Cas gave him a broken smile before he nodded and took in a shuddering breath. He startled when the door was opened, and instantly pressed himself into Dean's arms again, shutting his eyes. 

As the engine started, he looked up to see Mary adjusting the rear view mirror before the vehicle started moving. 

He slowly sat up again, giving her a hesitant look before he asked. "Do I have to go back?"

She braced her hand on the backrest and gave him a quick, reassuring look before she shook her head. “No. I got her to write out a temporary guardianship note, and they’ll be mailing us your birth certificate and social security card so we can…” Mary sighed and shook her head. “You never have to go back.”

Cas gasped, exchanging a quick look with Dean before he looked back at Mary. He needed a moment for this information to sink in. He never had to go back. He could stay with Dean.

"I can stay…” he whispered in disbelief.

Dean smiled and nodded. “Welcome to the family?”

He gave Dean a quick smile, still working on accepting that in his mind. “H–how did you get my mother to agree to this?” _Because she is happy to finally get rid of you,_ his mind supplied as an explanation. “Nevermind, I don’t think I wanna know,” he added quickly. 

Mary chuckled and flashed him a small smile. “Like I said, don’t fuck with a lioness’s cub.”

Cas couldn’t help but return the smile shyly. He really couldn’t understand why Dean’s mom was so protective over him. At the same time, he couldn’t be more happy about it, because for the first time he felt safe. 

He leaned back in Dean’s arms again with another soft smile, before he tried to take a deep breath and relax. “Thank you,” he murmured. It felt like they’d raised him from perdition.

Dean slipped his hand into Cas’s and interlaced their fingers. “I’m so glad you’re out of there.”

Cas nodded and squeezed his hand. “Me too. You have no idea. If they had forced me to go back, I would have run away.”

“You wouldn’t have had to run far, kiddo,” Mary said as she pulled into the Winchesters’ driveway.

“Have I recently mentioned how glad I am that you moved here?” Cas asked.

Mary and Dean shared a laugh before Dean squeezed his hand back. As they made their way to the front door, Mary turned to them and said, “You and Dean can crash together until we clean out the office, but all I ask is, if you two fool around, use condoms.”

Cas quickly sat up and let go of Dean, his eyes widened. “We’re just friends. We’d never… fool around.”

That was met with a soft laugh as she raised her hands in defense. “Sorry, I assumed since you were both into boys, and teenagers at that…”

“Mom, it’s… we’re best friends, not boyfriends,” Dean clarified, his cheeks a sympathetic red hue.

“And I already have a boyfriend,” Cas added before he corrected himself, “Or had… I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Luke probably wouldn’t risk meeting him again.

Mary held the door open for them and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Alright, how does Taco Bell for dinner sound? Comfort food, plus you don’t have to put up with my terrible cooking,” she offered.

“You make the best lasagne in the world. How is that terrible cooking?” Cas asked with a soft smile, bumping his shoulder against Dean as he quietly thanked him for carrying his suitcase.

Mary suddenly yanked Cas into a hug, gently rubbing his back as she whispered, “You’re a wonderful, amazing boy, Castiel Novak.”

Cas froze for a moment, not knowing what to do before he hugged her back tightly, trying his best not to cry. He wanted to say so much, but he feared if he tried he would just start to cry again. And he really didn’t want that. He couldn’t even look at Mary when she pulled back to release him.

She chucked his chin and smacked Dean’s cheek. “You get Cas settled in, I’m going to call your father and pick up dinner.”

He quietly followed Dean upstairs to his room, putting his bag on the floor next to his suitcase, before he walked up to Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. He pressed his face against his throat. “I have no idea what I would do without you. I’m so glad you’re my best friend.” 

Dean chuckled and wrapped his arms around Cas. “Me too. I just wish you never had to put up with any of that shit.”

“I still can’t believe it’s over now… just like that.” He shook his head. “I still expect my mother to just ring the doorbell and drag me back.”

“I don’t know what Mom did, but she’s good at talking people into doing things her way,” he said as he guided Cas to the bed, and gently pushed him onto it before crawling behind him to start rubbing his shoulders.

Cas leaned into Dean's hands and closed his eyes. "Your parents are awesome. I'm so grateful that they’re letting me stay here... Not many people would do that."

Dean chuckled again. “Yeah, they’re not like other people.”

"No, they are pretty special." He turned around on the bed to look at Dean. "I don't know what to feel about... everything. So much has happened in the last hour. My whole life… just changed."

Dean appeared unsure as he patted Cas’s leg. “Want me to just hold you? Cuddle away all the shit that happened and leave it for tomorrow you?”

A part of him wanted to give in to the comfort, but another part of him felt bad about it. His thoughts went to Luke, wondering how his conversation with his father went; if he was really okay. "I–I'm not sure... I'm worried about Luke."

“Want me to go to his house? See if he’ll come over?”

Cas shook his head. "No, that would just look suspicious. He probably needs to lay low with his father. I don't want him to get in more trouble because of me… His father took him off the team."

“Shit,” Dean breathed out. He reached out and held Cas’s hand. “There anything I can do? To help?”

Cas shook his head. "I don't think so. I guess I’ll have to wait and see… if he still wants to talk to me when school starts again." Cas looked down at the bed sheet, frowning when he felt his chest constricting. It was all a bit too much. 

Dean squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to be strong, Cas. You’re safe, remember?”

Cas took in a deep breath and nodded. "I... I'm not used to not pretending."

“And that’s okay,” Dean said as he moved to rest his head in Cas’s lap as he looked up at him, “whatever works for you. But if you get tired of pretending, I promise, judgement free zone.”

Cas slid his hand gently over his cheek and gave him a smile. "I know, Dean. And I feel safe with you… I want you to know that. I… I just hate crying."

Dean chuckled. “I don’t think anyone likes it. It’s exhausting.”

"Yeah." He carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "When I was like five or six my brother was ordered to look after me. I was in the garden and I got stung by a wasp. So I started crying. And then Michael started to hit me, yelling at me to stop crying… It was the first time I remember him hitting me."

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean breathed out as he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Sorry, I–I didn't want to make you feel sad. I just wanted you to know why I usually try to avoid showing my feelings. Over the majority of my life that is what I trained myself to do… just to survive," Cas explained before he leaned over and kissed Dean's forehead.

Dean grasped Cas’s other hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “I’m so sorry you went through that. Fuck your family. Seriously.”

Cas shrugged. "Apparently, I’ve got a new family now."

“Damn right you do.” 

Cas bit his lower lip, giving Dean a worried look. "I hope this won't have more repercussions for my basketball team." He scrubbed his hand over his face. "I have no idea how Stephen and my other friends will react to this, now that the cat is out of the bag."

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know that it is. I mean, I doubt Luke’ll tell anyone, or your parents. And Gabe may give you shit, but he doesn’t seem to be an asshole like, well, your other brother.”

"No, he isn't." Cas shook his head. "He will worry though, I have no idea how much he knows about everything. I always tried to prevent him from seeing that side of Michael. His image of him is very different."

“What’ll you tell him now?”

“I’m not sure… I guess I’ll tell him the truth. That our parents found out that I kissed a guy and that I’m living here until school’s over.” He took in a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, maybe that way… I don’t know, I won’t destroy anything for him.”

Dean turned his head to kiss Cas’s hand. “Not until he finds out on his own.”

"But maybe he never will. He was always loved by Michael and my parents. Why should I take that away from him, you know?"

“It’s not about taking anything away. It’s about the fact that your brother isn’t always going to be blind to what you went through, Cas.”

He knew why he was thinking that, because Michael had warned him to not to tell his brother 'lies' about him, and Michael always made sure that Cas would be the one to look bad in front of everyone. In reality, he just never believed Gabe would believe him...

He shrugged and looked away. "Maybe, maybe not. But anyway, that is what I'm going to tell him, because that is probably also what Michael will tell him."

“Man, I wish Mom had beat the fuck out of him,” he said in a soft laugh.

Cas chuckled before he leaned back against the headboard. "I wonder how she got my mother to agree to let me stay here."

Dean followed, now resting his head against Cas’s chest, pulling Cas’s arms around him. “Knowing her, she probably threatened ruining her reputation or something.”

“How?” Cas wondered, wrapping his arms around him. “It’s not like your mom knows a lot about my mother.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “You get that her slapping you was abusive, right?”

He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "I know for a fact that she believes she has every right to do it because it's her way of disciplining me."

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “Yeah, well, the bitch slapped her child in front of people. If that shit got out, it would probably create enough murmuring and questioning to make your parents uncomfortable at social gatherings.”

“I know for a fact that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable about that. She is proud of it, and even advertises it around her friends."

“What? That she slaps you?”

"Of course." He shrugged. "For a long time, I believed everyone did that with their kids. That it was normal. You have no idea how often I heard from some of her friends stuff like, 'all he needs is a bit of discipline, a hard hit against the head'. She even made a joke once about slapping me with a telephone book, ‘cause it wouldn't leave bruises."

Dean shook his head again, lips downward in anger. “Fuck your Mom. _Fuck_ her.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer, trying to comfort him as he pressed a kiss to his head. "Yeah… But that's over now. Now I can be myself. Thanks to you and your family."

“Still wish we gave them a taste of their own medicine,” he grumbled.

"How would that make us any better?" he murmured before pulling Dean tighter.

Dean shook his head. “It wouldn’t, but _I’d_ feel better.”

"I thought you were cuddling me to feel better?" Cas asked with a smile.

“It’s the only reason I haven’t gone right back to your parents’ place.”

“Then you should cuddle me some more. Just to be sure,” he replied before he quietly added, “And I don't want to go back there ever again.”

Dean squeezed Cas’s arms around him a little tighter. “And now you don’t have to.”

“When you squeeze me so tightly I may think I’m your prisoner... or your pillow,” Cas replied before he dropped a kiss on his head. This was good. Distraction was exactly what he needed right now. He didn’t want to think about all the shit that had just happened.

“Here,” Dean started as he turned around to straddle Cas’s lap. He grinned before he leaned in and pressed his face in the crook of Cas’s neck. Dean wrapped his arms around his torso, squeezing him tight in pulses. “Pillow,” he breathed out against his neck.

Cas made an “oof” noise before he chuckled. “I knew it. You only befriended me to use me for comfort." 

“Bet your ass,” he murmured as he managed to get even closer.

Cas made an exaggerated dying noise before he let his arms fall to the side. “I’m dead. Squeezed to death. I want that on my tombstone.”

Dean drew back with a chuckle. “So I guess that makes you a ghost?”

“Do you see a white sheet anywhere on me?”

Dean groaned and shook his head. “It’s like you’ve never seen a movie with ghosts in it.”

"Ghosts consist of white sheets and nothing under it. Everyone knows that, Dean. I'm just a dead body, and you can either stuff me with soft material to turn me into a real pillow, or you need to wrap me in a sheet to turn me into a ghost. Pretty sure you’ll go for the ghost option, ‘cause who doesn’t want to have a ghost friend?"

Dean shrugged before he grabbed his comforter and wrapped it around both of them, cocooning them in the poly cotton blend. “Close enough to a sheet, right?”

“Wooooo,” Cas replied with a nod and a grin, before he nuzzled his nose against Dean's throat. "Are you afraid?"

“So scared,” he said in a flat, bored tone.

“Woooo-woooo?” Cas asked, flashing Dean a puppy eyed look.

Dean shook his head, a big smile on his face. “Good job, Casper. I’m terrified.”

Cas pouted before he murmured, “But I’m a friendly pillow ghost.”

“The friendliest,” he cooed as he pinched Cas’s cheek.

Cas nodded. "Does that mean I can live in your bed?"

Dean chuckled. “You are until your room’s ready.”

“Yeah, but if I stay here, under your blanket… maybe the world will forget about me and I can haunt your bed,” Cas suggested, wrapping his arms around Dean. He wasn’t looking forward to going back to school. He somehow knew that everyone would know about him in no time, especially if Luke’s father told the coach why he took Luke off the team.

“Hey,” Dean said as he cupped his cheeks, “you don’t need to hide, and if you’re given shit, you’ve got us. We’ll always be here for you.”

“How did you know I want to stay here to hide, and not because I like haunting your ass?” Cas asked with a grin.

Dean shrugged. “I know you.”

“The whole school will know eventually,” he murmured quietly. “I… I guess I’m afraid of the reactions.”

Dean moved to lay down on his side, pulling Cas with him. “Why?”

Cas shrugged and looked away. “I’m afraid that more people will quit the team, or that coach will ask me to leave so the others won’t…”

“The basketball team’s the only champions in that school. They’d be idiots to let something like your sexuality compromise that,” he argued.

Cas tilted his head and gave Dean a pointed look. “You know how stupid guys can get about this. Especially in the locker room.”

Dean shrugged again as he started tracing something on Cas’s arm. “And in a year none of that shit will matter. Hell, not even a full year, like ten months.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait for that.” Cas snuggled closer to Dean before he asked, “What are you drawing?”

“Nunya,” he said with a smirk.

“Well, you’re drawing it on my arm, so that kinda makes it my business.”

Dean chuckled. “What do you think I’m drawing?”

“A penis?” Cas asked dryly. “You always draw a penis, you perv.”

“Sounds like wishful thinking to me,” Dean teased as he continued drawing.

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “Okay, so you’re drawing a lot of hearts and writing Dean loves Cas because he is your best friend in the world, and your posterboy.”

Dean feigned a gasp. “How did you know I’m secretly a girl?”

Cas shrugged, replying dryly, "It's a gift."

He wrapped his arms around him to pull him close, raising his eyebrow. "I can’t believe you tried to keep that a secret from me."

Dean smiled and shrugged before he licked a swipe up Cas’s neck. 

Cas scrunched up his nose and gave Dean a disgruntled look. "Ew, Dean. Don't just lick me. I haven't showered since this morning."

“Yeah,” he said as he pulled a face, “I can tell.”

"It's your own fault." Cas grinned, wiping his neck with his palm. "Maybe I should take a shower."

“But you’re my ghost pillow,” he whined.

Cas chuckled and pulled him close again. “You’re right. How dare me… Wait a moment, if I’m a ghost pillow… wouldn’t your head fall through me? How does that even work?”

Dean looked unsure for a moment before he pressed his head against Cas’s chest. “Huh. Maybe I’m a ghost too.”

“Oh, no,” Cas replied dryly. “What killed you? Oh, I know… when you licked me… you died.”

“Sounds about right.”

“I would say I’m sorry, but it kind of was your own fault, so I’m not,” Cas replied with a grin. “And since you’re a ghost now, you need to learn how to scare people. Let me hear your ‘Wooo’.” Cas loved to be ridiculous with Dean. There was no one else he could be this way with, and who just played along. Dean always managed to make him laugh, no matter how down he felt.

Dean smiled and said, “Wooo!” He even wiggled his fingers.

Cas swayed his head before he shook it. “That was way too cute. People will feed you candy if you do that.”

“Good to know.”

“If you fail at being a spooky ghost, you will get turned into a ghost pillow like me,” Cas explained, cuddling Dean. “And you are pretty cozy.”

Dean sighed contentedly as he cuddled back. “I’m so glad you’re my best friend, Cas.”

“Me too, pillow,” Cas replied with a soft smile before he repeated quietly, ”Me too.”

He really didn’t want to imagine his life without Dean anymore. He couldn’t. And he knew he wouldn’t have to, because he trusted Dean to always be there when he needed him.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It had been about a week and a half since what Dean has started referring to as, “the incident.” When Cas came to live with him, permanently. School had started a week ago, and true to his father’s word, Luke had been pulled from the team. But thankfully there hadn’t been any of the repercussions Cas told Dean he feared would happen.

Granted, people were confused as to why Luke was no longer on the team, and considering Cas and Luke had been “at odds” as far as everyone else was concerned, no one was asking Cas what happened. And no one appeared to be giving Cas shit, or treating him any differently, so apparently Luke and his dad kept the lid on the whole thing. But maybe that was more out of self preservation than anything.

Whatever the case, Luke had been avoiding Cas like the plague. On Friday, Cas told Dean that when he had passed Luke in the hallway on his way to his next class, he gave him a timid wave, which prompted Luke to turn around and walk in the other direction. 

Dean had spent hours comforting his best friend after that, so the next Monday, Dean took it upon himself to figure out what was going on. He got that Luke was in trouble; was scared. Maybe Dean could be a conduit between them, even though it left a bad taste in his mouth. Cas could do so much better, and it left a pit in his stomach at the thought of trying to reconcile them, but Cas’s happiness mattered more than Dean’s comfort.

So, during free period, he grabbed Luke by the elbow and dragged him behind one of the portable classrooms behind the practice field. “Gotta talk to you,” was all he said as he proceeded to drag him in that direction.

“Let me go,” Luke growled as he yanked his arm from Dean's grasp.

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Can we talk? Please?”

Luke crossed his arms over his chest. “Will you fuck off for good if I let you say your piece?”

He raised his hands in surrender. “No problem.” Why was he doing this again? Cas, right.

Luke glared at him. "I warn you though. If you're here to gloat that you got Castiel to yourself now, I will punch your fucking face."

Well, that answered how willing the split was. Dean managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. “No, look, Cas is worried about you and misses you. I wanted to see… shit, I don’t know, see if I could help you guys out, or something.”

That was met with a sharp intake of breath before he looked away from Dean, pressing out, "You can tell him to keep away from me and move on." It sounded harsh, but Dean could see that Luke was fighting back tears. It was jarring, Dean had been pretty sure the guy had no heart.

“I will, if that’s what _you_ want, not your father,” Dean replied, hoping saying that wouldn’t prompt more anger than anything else.

"It doesn't matter what I want!" Luke yelled. "It doesn't matter that I love him." Luke gruffly wiped the sleeve of his jacket over his eyes. "It was just a fantasy, and it's over now."

_Love?_ Fuck. Dean wasn’t prepared for it to be that deep. He sighed and said, “It doesn’t have to be. I’m telling you, I’ll do what I can to cover for you, and help you guys stay hidden if you want.”

"You don't get it, Dean! I can't do this. I was lucky this time that my Dad believed me. I won't risk getting caught a second time." He shook his head, his lips a thin line before he added, "Not everyone has the luxury to choose."

Dean sighed again, it was weird feeling sympathy for someone he definitely didn’t like. “You’re right, but my house is safe. My parents accept me and Cas. So, there are options. But I can’t make that choice for you, I can just try to help.”

Luke scoffed and shook his head. "You and Castiel really are a lot alike. Always trying to make everything right. There are things that can't be changed, and me being with Cas is one of them." He shook his head again. "Can you tell him… No. Just tell him to stay away from me? It would make my life a lot easier."

What a fucked situation. Dean shook his head and looked down. “I’m sorry, Luke. I really am. Just know… Cas is as fucked up over this as you are.”

"That doesn't make me feel better…” Luke shrugged before he added, "I know he’ll get over this. It's not like he had feelings for me.”

“Whether or not he’s in love with you, I can’t say, but he cares a lot about you. A helluva lot. More than I think he should. So, make of that what you want.” 

"That really pisses you off, huh?" Luke replied.

Dean shrugged. “You’re an asshole. He can do better. But at the end of the day, his feelings matter more than whether or not I like you.”

Luke shrugged and looked away from Dean. "Yeah, his feelings matter. And believe it or not, I want him to be happy. So, tell him to leave me alone. He won't be happy if he continues trying to talk to me."

“Alright, I’ll lie,” Dean said with a resigned sigh. 

Luke glared at him. "Are you kind of slow? How are you not getting this? I can't see Castiel again. My Dad will kill me if he gets wind of me just looking at Castiel. And those things always get out. I pissed off a lot of people who would happily use this against me. I can't risk it and I won't. So, fucking give it up already. If you like Cas then tell him to find someone new!"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I do get it, Luke. I get that the guy you love is hurting because his shitty fucker of a brother wanted to ruin his life, which backfired on you. I get that you both have the worst fucking parents. And I get that you have to choose between who you are, who you love, and having a roof over your head. And that’s a fucked choice. I respect that you don’t want to take the risk. And I won’t force you. But on the off chance you did want to take that risk, I wanted you to know it could be an option for you.”

"It's not an option for me. It will always be a risk I'm not willing to take," Luke repeated in a frustrated tone. "And in less than ten months it won't matter anyway, because he is going off to college somewhere, and I'll still be here. So better I make the split now, while I still have a place to live."

Dean nodded and reached out to touch his shoulder, but changed his mind at the last minute as he retracted his hand. “Well, if shit ever goes bad for you or you change your mind…” Dean pulled out a piece of paper and wrote his home address on it before folding it and offering it to Luke. “This is where I live. No judgement.”

Luke rolled his eyes as he grabbed the paper just to let it fall on the ground. "We aren't friends, and I don't need your help. Fuck off already."

“I get that you’re angry, but there’s no point in shoving away an olive branch. And you’re right. We aren’t friends. But we’re part of the same family, whether you like it or not. So, enjoy your shitty attitude, your shitty life, and pushing away people who just wanted to help,” he spat as he turned away from him. 

"We are not part of the same family." Luke scoffed. "Haven't you heard? I'm not gay." It sounded resigned and cynical.

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “Keep tellin’ yourself that.”

Luke didn't reply to that. Dean could hear him walking away though.

It was such a weird, contradictory feeling, to want to deck someone and hug them at the same time. He didn’t envy the guy. Hell, at least Cas was finally free from his shitty homelife. Luke didn’t have that luxury.

And now he had to figure out what, if anything, he was going to tell his best friend. 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas was sitting on the bleachers, waiting for Dean to meet up with him so they could go home together. 

It was weird playing without Luke. He really missed him, and he hated that his asshole brother ruined their relationship so profoundly, driving Luke away from him. 

Stephen had tried to talk to him about what happened, but he had blocked his questions by telling him that he couldn't talk about it, other than that it was Cas's fault that Luke had to leave, and that there was nothing he could do to fx it. Stephen was pissed that he didn't tell him more, but Cas knew he would get over it eventually.

He just wished he could talk to Luke. Just a few words. Just to see if he was alright. He looked up against the sun when he heard footsteps, seeing Dean walking up to him with a rather serious expression on his face. 

Cas slowly stood up, approaching him hesitantly. "Hello, Dean. Did something happen?"

“Yeah, but I’ll tell you when we get home, it’s too much to process,” he murmured as he looped his arm through Cas’s and guided him off of the bleachers.

His heart stopped and he gave Dean a worried look as he followed him. "Did someone give you trouble?"

Dean shook his head. “No. Just, I’ll tell you, I promise. But… I met with Luke.”

"What? Why?" Cas asked him in shock before his worry increased exponentially when he thought about what Luke must be going through. "Is he okay?"

“As okay as he can be considering. He… Shit, Cas. He told me to tell you to leave him alone and move on,” he said softly, looking truly upset.

He didn't expect hearing those words to hurt as much as they did. Cas looked down, taking in an unsteady breath as he nodded, "I see. I guess I should have expected that."

Dean sighed and shook his head. “It’s not a choice for him.”

"Yeah," Cas breathed out, "I know that. His Dad is an asshole and he needs to be careful… I don't blame him. I blame my brother."

“I’m sorry, Cas.”

"Second break up in a year. I'm really nailing it on the relationship front."

Dean squeezed his arm as he bumped his hip into Cas’s. “He loved you.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. "Yeah, right." He knew he sounded sarcastic but he didn't care at that moment. 

Dean stopped walking and gave him a serious look. “Have I ever lied to you?”

"That wasn't what I was implying. I thought you just said that like a phrase… I mean, how do you know?"

“He told me.”

Cas gave him a wide eyed look. For a moment he didn't know what to think. "Fuck," he murmured and shook his head. And then the anger hit him like a tidal wave and he kicked hard against the trash can they were standing next, yelling, "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" It didn't make him feel better at all, and he let out a frustrated cry, turning to Dean. "I… Fuck, I just want to go over to my parents’ place and beat the shit out of Michael. That fucker ruined everything."

Dean cupped Cas’s face and forced his attention to him. “Hey, hey. I know. He’s an asshole, and if you really want to do that, I’ll back you up.” 

Cas didn't want Dean to get in trouble. This wasn't about him, but he knew Dean would never let him go alone. "I..." He shook his head and frowned. "No... I just... I don't know what to feel." He looked down and took a deep breath. "It wouldn't change anything. Luke would still be in the same fucked up situation. It's not like he felt brave enough to change that anyway. So how much does he really love me when he never considered fighting for this... And I don't mean as long school is going on. I really get why he’s laying low now. But after that?" He shrugged. "He could have moved away with me."

“How can he? When he hates that part of himself?” Dean sighed and pulled Cas in for a hug. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him tight. "Thank you." When he pulled back he gave Dean a serious look. "And thank you for talking to him. At least now I know where I stand with him."

“I just wanted to help you guys, however I could.” Dean shrugged.

"And I know how much you hate Luke, so I'm extra grateful to you for trying that." Cas nodded before he gave Dean a soft smile. "Let's go home and do something nice... maybe get some ice cream and watch a movie?"

Dean nodded and smiled. “And I’ll let you watch whatever awful movie you want.”

“I think you confused ‘awful’ with ‘awesome’,” Cas replied with a grin, hooking his arm into Dean’s as they continued on their way. 

And although everything was pretty shitty in that moment; him having lost Luke and not seeing his little brother as often as he had before, at least as long as Dean was at his side, he knew everything would get better at some point. 

Cas had only lost the asshole part of his family. His conversation with Gabriel had actually been pretty good. Although his little brother didn't seem to know exactly what was going on, he still got that Cas moved out because of his sexuality. He had promised him that he wouldn't avoid him, although his parents and Michael were handling this matter like he was dead to them. And Cas was happy that his little brother was a lot more awesome and smarter than he gave him credit for.

Probably because he was hanging around Sam so much. He hoped his parents wouldn’t forbid Gabe from meeting up with Sam in the future because of what happened to him, but he hadn’t heard anything so far. He gave Dean a quick smile. "And thank you for letting me choose."

Dean smiled and nudged his elbow into Cas’s side. “If you’re good, I’ll even make your ice cream the biggest hot fudge sundae in existence.”

“When haven’t I been good?” Cas asked with a wide grin.

“When you stole my pillow last night,” Dean argued with an arched brow.

Cas raised his eyebrow. "You were using me as a pillow. How did you even notice that I stole it?"

Dean chuckled. “When I woke up and found you balls deep in my pillow.”

“Balls deep?” Cas chuckled. “That just sounds wrong, man.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.”

“You make it sound like I had sex with your pillow.”

Dean pursed his lips in disbelief. “You definitely deflowered my poor pillow.”

Cas gave him a playfully shocked look. "If anyone did any deflowering, it was your pillow. It totally came on to me. I had no chance."

“That right?” Dean asked with a laugh.

"Your pillow is the real culprit here, and you know it!" Cas gave him a serious look. One that lasted two seconds before they both burst into laughter.

Things weren't great. But fuck it, Dean just always saved his day anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case there are comments from Chicago residents, we apologize for any inaccuracies in geography, particularly of the Pride scene (which was loosely based on SF Pride). Neither of us have been to Chicago (I doubt delays in O’Hare count), we just did a fuck ton of research. I cannot say for sure that Chicago’s pride was on Halsted street in 1996, nor if it is even possible to see the crowds from the L. xD!


	3. 1997 - Sex and Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First!
> 
>  **TW/CW:** This chapter contains the dubious consent warning. The two characters who have sex in this chapter are both black out drunk. While in their inebriated states consent is given, and if they weren't drunk they would want to have sex with each other, but they are inebriated.
> 
> Second!
> 
> Eeeeek! This chapter features some gorgeous art by the incomparable [lizleeships](https://lizleeships.tumblr.com/)! Check it out [here](https://lizleeships.tumblr.com/post/621109206818439168/this-began-as-an-art-traderedraw-challenge-on-the) and give her some friggin' love for it! It's just so... GUH.
> 
> Anyway, loufas and jellyspoons, this is it, the last novel length chapter. The remaining five chapters are much more reasonable in length, and are just finishing up the editing process, so look for sooner updates! <3<3

**1997 - Sex and Candy**

Dean was elated his parents allowed him to borrow Baby to drive into the city for his eighteenth birthday. They made him promise to be safe, and he and Cas packed some snacks and got to driving. There was a club near Boystown that always had influential music and art, and the best part? It allowed eighteen-year-olds in. 

The place was called Debonair and had a drag show scheduled at eleven, and his parents even gave them the money to grab a hotel room for the night if it got too late and they didn’t want to deal with the forty minute drive home. Dean had been eighteen for less than a day by the time they hit the road, and he’d never felt more like an adult. 

He and Cas left around eight, so by the time they got to Milwaukee Street and found parking, it was a little past nine. Dean smiled at Cas in excitement as they made the short walk from the parking garage to where the club was located.

Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder and grinned brightly. “Man, I hope it’s as fun as clubs seem on TV.”

"If it isn't, I promise I’ll make it fun for you," Cas replied, wrapping his arms around his back and pulling him closer before he pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "But I'm pretty sure it's going to be epic."

Dean gripped his forearms and pulled Cas up, carrying him a few feet. “Yeah to being adults officially!”

Cas laughed and shook his head when he put him down again. "It took you long enough to finally turn eighteen."

Dean rolled his eyes. “You’ve only been eighteen for five months.”

"That's a very long time to wait," Cas pouted playfully.

In that moment he lifted Cas into his arms, bridal style. “You big baby.”

“Be careful you don’t break your back, old man,” Cas replied with a chuckle before he pressed his face against his cheek and inhaled. “Aw, you’re using the totally uncreative cologne I got you.”

“Hey! I like it,” Dean defended as he proceeded to continue to carry Cas.

"I know you do. I remember when you smelled it in that store." Which was over three months ago, and made it so much more special because Cas had still remembered. "Are you going to climb up to the top of a building to show me off?"

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Not unless you can fly us up there.”

“Batman can’t fly, Dean.” Cas replied with a playfully disapproving look.

“Man, I picked the wrong superhero for a best friend.”

“Should have picked Spiderman. He lives around the corner.” Cas chuckled and leaned closer. “But you got me now and you can’t get rid of me.”

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that. “Then I win.”

"Interesting. That wasn't what you said when I stole your blanket and pillow this morning." Cas teased.

“One of these days they’ll learn to be faithful to me,” he said with a wistful sigh.

“Today is not the day,” Cas replied dryly. “Tomorrow probably also won’t be the day. Your pillow has a secret crush on me.”

Well, he definitely got that. Dean still had an annoying crush on his best friend. It was only expected that his pillow would suffer the same fate. “That cheating dick.”

"I would say I'm sorry, but that would be a lie. I can't say no to it. It's too fluffy and I’m just a weak man with needs."

Dean shrugged. “Figures.”

"Maybe your pillow is up for a threesome?" Cas suggested lowly.

Dean barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Might be too kinky for me.”

"Well, I'm all for sharing the fun." Cas chuckled before he asked, "Are you going to let me down again? I know I'm getting heavy."

Dean reluctantly dropped Cas to his feet. “It was fun being the stronger one for once.”

Cas held his cheek and leaned over to kiss him. "You're stronger in other things."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck as he braced their foreheads together. “Thank you for doing this with me.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You know there is nothing I would rather do than spend time with you.”

And he believed him. It was crazy, but Dean had had this insane connection with Cas from the get go, and it never really fizzled out. There was always more to learn, more to do, more to experience together.

Without hesitation, he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. “Come on. Let’s go check this place out.”

Cas took his hand in his and intertwined their fingers. “After you, birthday kid.”

“Not a kid anymore,” he said as they walked through Boystown hand in hand. Which was still a risky thing to do, but still safer than, say… doing it on the south side.

Cas squeezed his hand, flashing him a quick, worried look. "You okay with this?"

Dean shrugged and smiled. “I mean, this is the safest place to do it.”

“Yeah.” Cas nodded and returned the smile. “And I kind of like using the opportunity. I hate hiding...”

Dean squeezed his hand and nodded. “Fuck anyone who can’t handle two guys holding hands.”

“Exactly,” Cas replied enthusiastically before they finally reached the club. He gave Dean another bright smile, clearly just as excited as Dean was.

There was a short line of people waiting to get in. It was a little reminiscent of Pride; the amount of awesomely over the top outfits and same sex eye fucking that was going on. The club they were going to was a straight one, but one Friday a month was gay night. 

They apparently saw the way Boystown brought in customers and were tapping into that business. 

He pulled Cas to the back of the line, smiling like a kid at Disneyland. “I think it’s gonna be a fun crowd.”

“Me too.” Cas nodded, expression charged and enthusiastic. “I hope we get in. If not, we’re definitely playing the birthday card.”

Dean nodded. “That or flirt with the bouncer,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

“If he likes cute young men you should try that,” Cas suggested with a wink.

“We’ll see.” Dean said with a shrug before he slung his arm over Cas’s shoulders. 

When they got to the end of the line, the bouncer gave them each a critical once over. “How old are you two?”

Dean pulled out his wallet and grabbed his ID, smiling brightly. “Eighteen.”

Cas pulled out his ID and showed it to the guy, who looked at it with a concentrated and serious expression before he suddenly smiled at Dean and said, “Happy birthday, Dean. Have fun.”

After he waved them in, they shared an excited smile and Dean grabbed Cas’s hand as he dragged him through the door. They both stopped for a moment, Cas ushering Dean out of the way of incoming club goers. 

The place was huge. There were two bars on either side of the club, a couple of mini stages in varied areas. The main stage was at the back, and people were setting up equipment while a smaller stage had a table with a DJ playing a Whitney Houston song. The lights slowly changed throughout the rhythmic beats, flashing through the six colors of the gay pride rainbow.

There were easily three hundred people. Maybe more, because there was a staircase that led to a room downstairs that was labeled VIP. Some people were sitting at high tables, chatting over drinks, leaning into each other to hear over the music. Others were losing themselves in the funky remixed version of _Wanna Dance With Somebody._ Either way, people seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

Dean leaned in and hoped Cas heard him ask, “Dance with me?”

Cas gave him an insecure look and nodded hesitantly before he leaned over and told him, “I can’t dance.”

“Not true,” he said as he dragged him to the dance floor. Dean grabbed Cas’s hips and started swaying with him.

Cas leaned closer with an eye roll. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when I step on your toes.”

Dean purposely moved Cas’s hips with his grip, trying to get him to move. He leaned in again and called out over the now even louder music, “You dance on the court. Just bring it here.”  
  


When Cas started dancing, his movement wasn’t exactly smooth or elegant, entirely unlike when he was on the court. His movements were jerky, and just a little offbeat, which made him look awkward and very out of place. It also made Cas look really cute, Dean just wanted to hug him.

He couldn’t help but smile as he started dancing with him, hands now off of his friend’s hips. 

Cas flashed him a hesitant smile as he tried to dance alone. It still looked adorably awkward, but at least he was trying to move with the beat. A few moments later, a blonde girl danced up to Dean and bumped his hip, trying to get him to dance with her.

With a shrug, he went with it, turning to face her as he continued to lose himself to the rhythmic thump of each beat. Dean gave her a small smile and nod before he closed his eyes to enjoy the vibrations of the bass, swaying his hips in harmonic rhythm. 

And then he felt a hand on his waist, moving towards his ass when the girl started dancing closer to him. She leaned over, showing off her cleavage in a way too tight neon colored top. “I’m Carmen. Who are you?”

“Dean,” he called out as he gently grasped her hand and pulled it up to his lower back. 

For a moment she gave him a confused look before she smiled and leaned closer again, pressing her boobs against his arm. “Wanna go to the bar and hang out a little?”

Dean shrugged, and when he looked at Cas, he saw his friend had been wrangled into dancing with a couple of Drag Queens. He turned back to Carmen and nodded. “Lead the way.”

She flashed him a flirty smile and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bar. The music was still loud, but it helped not standing right under one of the loudspeakers. 

Carmen pressed herself close to him again, whispering in his ear, “Haven’t seen you here before.”

“First time,” he said with a smile as he looked around the club for emphasis.

“Yeah, I would have remembered a handsome face like yours,” Carmen cooed, rubbing her thumb over his cheek. “You here on your own, Dean?”

Dean shook his head and nodded in Cas’s direction, who waved at Dean as he awkwardly tried to sway his hips in a dip, the way a very large Drag Queen in a hot pink body tight dress was showing him. He laughed and said, “I’m here with him.”

Carmen laughed. “Aw, is he your wing man?”

Dean shook his head. “Not really. We’re out celebrating my birthday.”

“Your birthday?” She squealed in delight before she hugged him, and suddenly kissed his lips. “Happy birthday, big boy. Make a wish.”

Dean gave her an insecure smile. “Thank you, but I don’t have anything to blow out.” This girl was a little intense, it was kind of off putting.

She somehow leaned in even closer, teeth bared in a smile that reminded him of a shark. "I could blow you?"

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. He shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled. "I know, silly. I _want_ to." 

“Well, let’s see how the night goes,” he said as he took a step back, hoping it came off as subtle. He didn’t want to be rude, but he was not interested.

"Don't be coy." She stepped closer again. "Or are you a virgin? I promise I don't bite, unless you like that." 

Dean shook his head as he took another step back. “I’m not lookin’ for anything like that tonight.”

"Come on, Dean. Don't be shy," she teased and stepped closer again, when suddenly Cas appeared next to Dean.

"Hey, baby, missed you on the dance floor." He smirked before he possessively put his arm around Dean's shoulder.

Dean had never been more grateful for another human being in his life. He tugged the waistband of Cas’s jeans. “Missed you too.”

Carmen scrunched up her eyebrows in irritation. It was not a good look on her. So Cas apparently decided to make things a little bit clearer. "Hi, I'm Cas. Dean's boyfriend. And you are?"

“Outta here,” she said in a huff, as she turned around and went to the other end of the bar.

Dean laughed and shook his head. “Man, she was not getting the hint.”

"Yeah, I could feel how uncomfortable you were from across the dance floor. All my spidey senses were tingling. Creepy." Cas grinned before he waggled his eyebrows. "I will get us some drinks. Can't let my _boyfriend_ go thirsty on his birthday."

Dean had no idea how Cas was going to do that, but he didn't say anything and just let himself get dragged back to the dancefloor. Cas leaned over to a Drag Queen, with bright pink hair and makeup that reminded him of a Barbie doll, and pointed at Dean. He could hear him yell something over the music, only understanding the words, "birthday," and, "party." The circle of Drag Queens squealed almost in unison and all proceeded to hug Dean, wishing him a happy birthday before a glass of sparkling wine was pressed to his hand. 

Cas waggled his eyebrows, holding up his own glass with a broad grin. “First rule I learned here. Befriend some Drag Queens to get a drink.”

Dean clinked his glass against Cas’s. He was damn impressed. That was one of the coolest fucking things he had ever seen. Dean leaned in close and murmured, “Thanks, _boyfriend.”_

Cas kissed his cheek and winked at him, which made the Drag Queens coo some more. “Aw, look at that young amore. Just another reason to celebrate,” a Drag Queen in a red dress with a thick Puerto Rican accent replied, holding her hands in front of her breasts. She then reached her hand towards Dean, posed for him to kiss it. “My name is Ivory Cox.”

Dean took her hand and kissed it with a little bow. “Dean. Nice to meet you, Ivory.”

A huge Drag Queen, who was easily six feet four, dressed in neon print leggings and an equally colorful short dress, pushed in and reached for Dean's hand. "Oh em Baby Jesus. You are a freckled cuteness. I'm Rosetta Haze, famous for death drops and high kicks."

"Let the boy breathe, Rosetta," The third Drag Queen, the one who gave Dean the glass of sparkling wine, interrupted with a smug grin. "I'm Saturn, the one who throws shade."

Both of the other Drag Queens moaned theatrically before Rosetta said, "You mean the shade coming from your generic pageant hair?"

Saturn gasped and Cas chuckled. "You ladies know how to party."

Dean was a little in awe of it all as he finished his glass and Rosetta snapped her fingers, prompting some unnamed guy to pour him another glass. “You guys really _are_ royalty.”

Ivory wagged her very defined, curvy hips. "What gave it away? The power is all in the cucu! And being cute"

Saturn shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I don't get cute. I get drop dead gorgeous."

Rosetta giggled into her neon green gloves. "You’re all just here for the dicks."

Ivory scrunched up her nose. "I'm not here to do anything raunchy and dirty."

"Unlike your makeup," Saturn quipped with a falsely pleasant smile that earned her a slap on the ass from her friend. She gave Ivory a smug smile before she said, "We should sit down somewhere, someone decided to put on the really high heels today."

"I told you, you shouldn't wear those," Rosetta complained, and Saturn rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't need to if you weren’t so freakishly tall. Come on, boys. You can party with us in our Queendom. We have our own table here." Saturn said with a wink.

Dean and Cas shared a shrug and followed the Queens to the roped off VIP stairwell. The Bouncer pulled off the rope and nodded for them to come in. They walked down the short staircase into a huge lounge. Several darkened and plush booths were partitioned off around an enormous heart shaped dance floor with another bar. There were far less people, but still pretty busy.

The biggest booth, lined in red crushed velvet and looking like something out of a fancy British mansion, was where the Queens proceeded to spread out. Saturn patted the space to her right for Dean and Cas. Cas sat down, but there wasn’t much space left, so Dean sat on Cas’s lap.

Cas wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him close, resting his chin on his shoulder before he kissed the side of his throat and looked up at him. "Best birthday ever, huh?" he whispered while Saturn handed them drinks with umbrellas in them.

Dean nodded as he drew the straw to his lips. It was a fruity concoction, really sweet, kinda refreshing, and if there was booze in it, he couldn’t taste it. Dean shifted a little sideways so it was easier for Cas to drink his. “Pretty sure nothin’ will top this.”

Cas cupped Dean's cheek as he stole a sip from his drink and kissed him, his lips tasting sweet like the drink. 

"You two are just adorable." Ivory gave them a soft smile. "How long have you been together?"

They shared a quick smirk. Dean loved how easily they could communicate without speaking. Dean took another sip of his drink. “About a year. We just moved in together,” he lied flawlessly. 

They received a chorus of, “Awww,” before Rosetta asked, "Did you guys have a hard time coming out?"

Dean looked to Cas for that. It was his call how honest he wanted to be about it. 

Cas sighed and nodded. "Yeah, my parents threw me out, but luckily Dean's parents are like the best human beings in the world."

“Yeah, I’m pretty damn lucky.” 

Ivory reached over the table to grab Cas's shoulder. "And everyone who doesn't love you the way you are can go ‘eff themselves. You should always be proud of yourself. Love yourself for who you are."

Cas nodded and kissed Dean's cheek again. "I will never go back into hiding again. And with Dean here at my side, there's nothing I can't do."

“Damn straight, no pun intended,” he quipped with another kiss to Cas’s lips.

The Drag Queens giggled and waved for another round of drinks, before Saturn started talking about how she imagined Dean in drag.

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I’d never look as beautiful as you.”

"He's such a charming young man," Ivory said as she looked at Cas. "You should put some shackles and handcuffs on him so he never leaves."

"Just because you need to do that to your men…” Saturn piped in with a smug tone in her voice.

"Hey, don't judge someone's kink." Rosetta laughed. 

Cas chuckled, and Dean could feel his grip around him grow tighter for a moment.

"I make sure Dean wants to stay with bribery. Pie usually works."

Dean nodded. “And makeouts.”

“And massages,” Cas added thoughtfully.

Rosetta sighed and leaned forward over the table. “You sound like the perfect boyfriend.”

“He is,” Dean said as he finished off his drink, feeling pleasantly warm. It was easy to gush about his best friend. “Even got me the moon.” 

All of the Drag Queens cooed again, but Dean’s focus was on Cas’s face, who was smiling at him with an almost dopey expression. Dean was feeling pretty good, and that meant Cas more than likely felt the same. So, when Ivory handed them both new drinks, they took them with a shared nod.

This had turned out to be the best birthday he’d ever had, to date. And the night wasn’t even halfway over.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Everything was spinning. And he had no recollection of how they had managed to get to the motel and up to the floor with their room, after the cleaning crew had basically swept them out of the club. "Du-ju ha-a-ave da’ key?" Cas asked, squinting at the door.

Dean giggled as he grabbed Cas’s hand and put it into Dean’s back pocket. “You put it here, ‘member? Wanted it near my ass.”

Cas chuckled and used the moment to lean against Dean, gently squeezing his ass before he pulled out the card. "You’ve a nice ass." He flashed him a big grin before he turned and tried to unlock the door by swiping the card through the metal lock. Unfortunately, the stupid door wasn't holding still. "Damn door, open sesame street." It clicked and he leaned back, nearly losing his balance as the door opened. He grinned at Dean, pulling him closer as he grabbed his ass again to put the card back into his pocket. "Best place for the key." He squeezed the flesh again with a hum. 

“You’re drunk,” Dean slurred through another giggle as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck.

"Psshh." Cas waved him off as they both stumbled into the room. Cas tried to close the door behind them with his foot and nearly lost his balance, but luckily Dean was there to hold him steady. He thanked him by pushing Dean against the wall and kissing him, murmuring against his lips, "Best boyfriend in the world."

Dean nodded into the kiss. “That’s you, ‘member?” He dove in for another kiss, now gently urging Cas back, heading in the direction of the first bed. 

"I don't want you t’sleep in ‘nother bed. You stay with me?" Cas asked, hoping his puppy eyes would convince Dean. He liked sleeping in the same bed as Dean. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to pull off his shirt while using his puppy eyes. The look might have been destroyed by him getting tangled up in his shirt, before he finally freed himself and flopped onto the bed with a sigh, trying to toe off his shoes.

Dean was stripping his shirt as he nodded. “Yeah, s’what boyfriends are s’posed to do, right?”

He couldn't and wouldn't argue with that. "Damn right. Yes," he replied with a grin, successfully freeing himself from his shoes and socks as he tried to open his belt and jeans. It was a lot more difficult than the lock on the door.

Dean laughed before he swatted away Cas’s hands and got down on his knees, taking Cas’s buckle in hand as he started pulling the jeans open.

Cas couldn't look away. This was like the beginning of every porn fantasy he had had about Dean. He wasn't surprised at all his dick started to stir when Dean managed to pull Cas's jeans off of him. He gave him a smile as he tried to sit up (needing two tries, but who's counting?). "Need help with your jeans?"

Dean quirked his brow and smiled. “You wanna?” he asked as he stood up on shaky legs, his crotch now almost at Cas’s eyeline.

Cas hooked his fingers into Dean's jeans, and pulled him right between his spread legs to help steady him... and to have him closer as he looked up and unbuckled Dean's jeans. Eye contact never broke as he opened the button and pulled down the zipper. Which worked a lot smoother in his head than in reality, but eventually he got it open, slowly pulling them past Dean's hips, revealing boxer shorts with a roaring bear print on them.

"Woah." He chuckled. "I didn't es-espect your boxers to be so wild."

“Rawr,” Dean play-growled with an eyebrow waggle.

Dean stepped out of the jeans and Cas pulled him onto the bed with him, wrapping his arms around Dean before pulling him into a gentle kiss. He dragged his fingertips over Dean's chest and around to his sides, knowing how sensitive he was there. There was already a line of goosebumps rising under his fingertips. "You sound dangerous," he murmured. "Do you think I can tame you?" 

Dean shrugged as he moved to straddle Cas’s hips, grabbing his wrists to pin them against the mattress. “You can try.”

Cas chuckled and half-heartedly tried to free himself. "Oh, no. You got me. I can't tame you with my hands... Maybe I can tame you with my lips?" he asked, trying to look innocent.

“Worth a shot,” Dean murmured as he leaned in for a kiss.

Cas captured Dean's lips and immediately licked into his mouth, loving how after a few seconds Dean relaxed into the kiss so much he could easily turn them around on the bed and reverse their positions, now holding Dean down by his wrists. The room was spinning again, but Cas ignored it. Instead, he concentrated on the feeling of Dean's soft lips and the sweet taste of his tongue. His dick was rock hard now, but that always happened when he kissed Dean. He experimentally rocked it against Dean, just to see what would happen.

Dean groaned and bucked up against him. “Mmm, fuck,” he murmured breathlessly.

Cas hummed against his lips, starting to trail kisses down Dean's throat, rubbing his thumb over Dean's nipple to get another reaction like that. He could feel Dean's erection pressed against his own, so he gently started to rock them together again.

That was met with a surprised gasp before Dean looked at Cas, eyes hooded with lust. “What’re you doin’ to me?”

Cas gave him another gentle kiss before he let go of him and laid down beside him, pulling him close. "Got you tamed," he murmured, "and now I'm taking care of you... like a good boyfriend does."

“Know what else a good boyfriend does?” Dean asked in a breathy whisper as he cupped his cheek and kissed him again, a little more desperately.

“No, what?” Cas was breathless, taking a moment of reprieve by carding his fingers through Dean’s hair, before he pulled him into another needy kiss.

Dean groaned and drew back, breath coming out in soft pants. “Good boyfriends don’t tease,” he said as he used his other hand to cup Cas’s cloth covered erection.

Cas gasped and rocked his cock against Dean's hand before he pushed Dean on his back again and slid his palm down Dean’s chest to his underwear. He only hesitated for a moment before he slipped his hand inside, wrapping his fingers around Dean's hard dick. "Nothing bad about teasing if you follow through." Cas moaned at the sensation, how _good_ Dean's cock felt in his hand.

“Oh, fuck,” Dean moaned as he frantically pushed his boxers down. He nodded up at Cas, licking his lips. “Get rid of yours too.”

Cas probably hit a new world record in getting out of a pair of boxer shorts. His eyes wandered hungrily over Dean's body. A buffet table full of things he desperately wanted to taste. "Fuck, what... what do you want? ‘Cause I wanna do everything with you."

“Everything,” Dean repeated with a nod as he pulled him into another kiss. 

Cas hummed before he licked and kissed his way down Dean's torso, playing with his nipples before he licked over his hip bone and gently bit into the skin. He knew he was forgetting something. But what?

He licked a long stripe over Dean's beautiful erection, his fingers wandering to Dean's ass, teasing the rim as he suddenly remembered. "Lube?" He had aimed for a full sentence, but just the important part seemed to work.

Dean giggled and leaned up to kiss him again. “In my jeans,” he murmured against his lips, voice husky. 

His heart was beating unnaturally fast as he nodded quickly, and dove in for another needy kiss before he leaned over the edge of the bed to look for Dean's jeans. Cas overbalanced and fell from the bed as he reached. That didn’t break his concentration from the goal. A moment later he was climbing back on the bed with a single use package of lube in his hand. He quickly moved between Dean's legs, pulling him closer by grabbing his hips as he growled, "Fuck, I want you so much."

Dean nodded breathlessly, leaning up to stroke Cas’s cock. “I got a dildo almost your size after I saw your dick that first time.”

Cas's breathing hitched and his dick throbbed with need when he imagined Dean using the dildo on himself. "Fuck," he leaned in for an open mouthed kiss as he ripped open the package. "Do you think of me when you fuck yourself with it?"

That was met with a soft moan before Dean nodded again. “Fuck yeah, I do.”

"You don't have to imagine anymore." Cas slowly, but insistently, pushed one lubed finger into Dean's hole, directly searching for Dean's prostate to hear his pretty moans. “Gonna fuck you so hard you’ll never want anyone else.” He had no idea where the possessiveness came from, but he also didn’t really care.

Dean gasped and used his free hand to clutch Cas’s arm as he kept stroking him. “Do it. Need it, need you to fuck me,” he pleaded through a groan.

Cas pushed a second finger into him and shook his head. "Give me a moment, baby. Don't want to hurt you."

Dean lifted his hips to fuck himself on Cas’s fingers. “Come on, Cas,” he whined. 

Cas pushed a third finger into him to see if Dean would continue fucking himself on the digits, or if he would slow down. He wanted this to be good.

The deep groan that escaped would have been answer enough, but Dean moved his hand to Cas’s neck to pull him in for another kiss as he continued to fuck himself on his fingers, pumping Cas’s cock a little stiltedly, from the way his body was apparently shuddering from pleasure.

"Stop jacking me off," Cas moaned against Dean's lips, reluctantly drawing back from Dean as he pulled out his fingers and started spreading lube over his cock. He was already way too close to the edge from Dean's hand, and... just everything. He wiped his hand on the sheet and lined himself up before he leaned over to look at Dean, bracing himself on his elbows next to Dean's body. He was breathing hard, his eyes never leaving Dean's as he slowly pushed in.

“Fuck yes,” Dean hissed as he gripped Cas’s arms.

Dean was still overwhelmingly tight, and Cas had no idea how he could hold himself back from coming. "Dean, fuck, oh, fuck," he moaned as he pushed in deeper, a little faster because he needed to be fully inside Dean. He groaned and closed his eyes for a moment when he was fully seated. He needed to get used to all of the pleasurable sensations, otherwise he knew he would come embarrassingly fast.

Dean moaned as he shifted his hips, urging Cas to move. “A good boyfriend would start fucking,” he begged before he kissed Cas again.

Cas kissed him back before he made a sound of protest and grabbed Dean to hold him still. "I will. Just give me another second. I'm so close... and I want to fuck you longer than just a minute, alright?"

Dean nodded and bit his lower lip. “You feel so good, so much better than the dildo.”

Cas chuckled and licked over Dean's upper lip before he gently carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "I would hope so." He took in one last grounding breath before he started to move, fucking Dean in long, slow thrusts. It felt so overwhelmingly good that all he could do was get lost in the sensation, looking at Dean's face as he succumbed to his lust. The thrusts got harder. "Fuck, I love you so much," he murmured. 

Dean nodded and cried outright when Cas started hammering his prostate. “Me too, fuck, Cas. Oh, fuck fuck, fuck me fuck me, I’m gonna, I’m so fucking close, please!”

Cas gasped and couldn't hold back any longer. He picked up the pace, and thrusted harder and faster into Dean. "Fuck, Dean. I'm going to... come in you." He bit his lower lip hard as he desperately tried to get his hand in between them to stroke Dean's cock.

“Do it, come in me, fill me,” he begged through a broken moan as he held onto Cas’s arms for purchase. Cas slammed into him, over and over.

He grabbed Dean's cock and stroked it, only able to thrust into Dean a few more times before he slammed into the hilt when his orgasm struck, hitting him so hard he nearly blacked out. 

The clench when Dean came hit just as the last pulse filled Dean, his friend shuddering beneath him as he coated his stomach. He let out an amazed and breathy chuckle as he shook his head. “Fuck me,” he murmured in amazement.

Cas was breathing hard, looking at Dean in awe before he leaned down to draw him into a deep kiss. When he slowly pulled out, his gaze fell to the mess they had made and he grinned at Dean. "As your good boyfriend, I also will get something to clean you up." He kissed Dean's nose and clumsily carded his fingers through his hair. "I love you."

Dean chuckled a little dazedly and nodded. “Ditto.”

Cas stumbled to the small enclosed bathroom and held a towel under warm water before he returned to the bed. He was only a little unsteady when he started to clean up Dean's skin. He smiled when he noticed Dean was already asleep, so he continued to carefully clean him up, although he doubted even a plane crash right next to them would wake him up. 

When he was finished, he took the towel back to the bathroom. When Cas returned to the bed, Dean had already spread himself like a starfish. "Dean?" He gently pushed his arm. "You're taking all the bed."

Dean growled unintelligibly, but didn’t move. Cas sighed and shook his head. So much for sleeping in the same bed. There was no way he could squeeze in there now. Too tired to argue, he just slipped under the covers of the other bed. As soon as he had pulled the blanket over his head, he was out like a light.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The sun bled in through the open curtains of their motel room, and Dean groaned from the pain in his head. He slowly sat up as he tried to piece together what happened the night before. It was foggy, and there were huge chunks missing.

Dean smacked his overly dried lips and got up to grab water from the sink, downing a couple of cups before he felt human again.

He remembered the club, and the Drag Queens buying them a lot of drinks. _A lot._ Cas being cute as Hell, dancing so awkwardly, and both of them acting like boyfriends.

Then it was hazy until they got to the room and Dean passed out. He sort of remembered pieces of a really intense sex dream with Cas, but that wasn’t going to help him.

But it was weird he even had a sex dream, considering he very clearly had sex, if the ache in his hole was any indication. Shit, maybe Luke was right. Maybe Dean _was_ a whore.

Dean groaned and carried a second cup of water to where Cas was awkwardly positioned on the second bed, one of his legs dangling off the side like he barely made it to the bed before he fell asleep.

He sat down and put the cups on the nightstand as he gently shook Cas’s shoulder. “Cas?”

Cas groaned and murmured something that sounded like, "No... sleep. Go away." And then he turned away from Dean, burying his face in the pillow.

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle and gently shook him again. “Come on, grouch. We have to check out soon.”

That was met with another groan that turned into a whiny pained noise when Cas's hand went to his forehead and he softly whispered, "I’m never drinking another drop of alcohol, ever again."

“I know,” Dean murmured fondly as he grabbed the glass of water for Cas. “Here, drink this.”

Cas grabbed the glass with a shaky hand and barely opened eyes. His hair was in complete disarray, and he had wrinkles on the left side of his face from being balls deep in his pillow. He carefully sipped from the cup before he shook his head. “I feel sick… I can’t even remember how we got here.”

Well, there went the hope of Cas filling in the missing gaps. “Yeah, I can only remember bits and pieces. I was hoping you’d remember more. And drink the water, it’ll help.”

Cas sipped his water with a thoughtful hum, and after a moment, slowly shook his head. "I remember the Drag Queens, and a lot of alcohol... and the guy that kept buying you more... and I... why am I naked? Why are _you_ naked?"

Dean shrugged and fished Cas’s boxers from the floor, handing them to him. “No idea. And which guy?” Maybe Dean let that guy fuck him?

Cas slipped into his boxers, practically in slow motion, as he hummed again. "The surfer guy, Ken doll edition with the colorful shirt. You don’t remember him? He seemed to be really into you."

Dean shook his head and tried to remember the guy, but everything was still fuzzy. Cas’s description, while hilarious, wasn’t putting two and two together. He vaguely remembered a guy like that, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have had sex with him. Although the evidence suggested otherwise. “Did I fuck him?”

That appeared to wake up Cas as he gave him a wide eyed look. "What? Why?"

“I slept with someone last night, and I’m feeling more and more like Luke’s shitty comments about me might be true,” he groaned in shame as he shook his head.

"You slept with the surfer guy?" Cas asked slowly. "When did that happen?" He shook his head and groaned. "And fuck Luke for his stupid comments."

Dean shrugged and gave him a pained look. “I fucked someone, that much I know. But everything’s so fuzzy, and no matter how realistic my dream was, I’m pretty sure I can’t physically feel the effects of a sex dream.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. "Maybe your dream wasn't a dream. How can you not remember that you had sex with a guy? He must have been really bad." Cas chuckled before his eyes widened again. "Fuck, did you use a condom? Please tell me you didn't have sex without a condom."

Dean’s eyes widened in horror. “Fuck. I don’t know. And my dream was definitely a dream. That much I do know, but fuck. How can I be so fucking stupid?” He rifled his hand through his hair, pissed at himself for being so careless. Booze or not. He didn’t know for sure, but the fact he _didn’t_ know was enough of a concern. 

Cas grabbed his arm, expression soft. "I'm sorry... I don't even remember seeing you leave with him... We’ll go to a free clinic and get you checked out. I'm sure you're okay."

Dean nodded, leaning his head against Cas’s shoulder with a sigh. “Thanks, Cas. I don’t know why you put up with me.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. "Don't say that, Dean. You are amazing. I really feel like I’m a shitty friend because I didn't... watch over you. I should have been there."

“Dude, we were both shit faced. I think we’re lucky we even made it to a motel,” he said with a chuckle as he cuddled into Cas.

Cas kissed the top of his head. "I don't even know how we got here. We probably fell asleep the second we got here. My memory stops around some time we were outside of the club."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Well, we should go get a greasy breakfast, hit up that clinic, then head home.”

"I need a shower first," Cas groaned, "I feel gross."

“Me too.” Dean lifted his head reluctantly. “You wanna go first?”

"Yeah." Cas flashed him a quick smile. "Otherwise I’ll fall asleep again." He slowly got up with a sigh. For a moment he was unsteady on his feet, swaying as though he was dizzy. And like the dick Dean was, he found himself distracted by Cas's massive morning wood. "Fuck, shoot me if I ever say I want to drink again."

Snapping himself out of his daze, that brought the memory of his sex dream to life, Dean nodded and stood up, gently grasping Cas’s elbow. “You okay? You gonna be okay to stand in the shower?”

"Not sure," Cas admitted. "I feel very dizzy. The room is still spinning."

That answered Dean’s question. “Alright,” he said as he pulled Cas’s arm over his own shoulder and helped him to the bathroom. He sat him on the toilet as he started the shower. 

"Are you going to shower with me?" Cas flashed him a tired grin. 

“Damn right I am. I don’t want you getting a damn concussion or something,” he said with a small smile as he reached his hand in. The water was perfect. He grabbed Cas by the hand and pulled him toward the shower. “Alright, get naked and we’ll hop in.”

Cas looked down at himself and grimaced before he slowly pushed down his boxer shorts. He was still hard. "Sorry about that," he murmured before he let himself get dragged into the shower, the water instantly flattening his hair. He groaned in relief as he closed his eyes and bent his head backwards, letting the water flow over his face.

_Damn._ Cas was really fucking hot. Dean shook his head of his inappropriate thoughts and grabbed the bar of soap, handing it to Cas. “Nothin’ to be sorry about. Just don’t stab me with that thing,” he teased.

"No promises," Cas replied as he started to soap up his body, his hands wandering over his own chest and down his body in an almost teasing way. "My dick has its own mind." He winked at Dean and put the soap back in the inlet on the wall, before he rubbed his hands over his face. His voice sounded muffled when he added, "I had no idea Drag Queens could party so hard."

Dean forced himself to not look at Cas’s dick as he chuckled. “Yeah, those ladies were still going when we stumbled out of there. I remember that much.”

"Yeah, and I think they drank double the amount we did," Cas replied in a chuckle as he soaped up his hand again, before he spread it over his lower body. He gasped quietly when he touched his dick to clean it. Dean couldn't help but look then, because it was hard not to follow that hand motion with his eyes.

“Do… do you want me to turn around? So you have a little more privacy?” Dean hoped the answer was a hard, fast no. But he also knew his crush on Cas was the reason he was thinking that. Not to mention it didn’t help that he’d had a sex dream about his best friend a few hours earlier. Damn, he kind of wished his post-anal sex pain _was_ due to the monster in said best friend’s hand in that moment.

Cas stopped touching himself with a sigh. "I didn't plan to jerk off in front of you, don't worry. I just feel sweaty and disgusting everywhere."

Repressing his disappointment, Dean nodded and gave him an understanding smile. “We did get pretty sweaty on the dance floor.”

Cas nodded and scrunched up his nose. "The alcohol sure didn’t help. I bet that's why I slept naked in my bed. I tend to undress when I feel hot and sweaty, without remembering it the next morning." Cas turned to the side as he tried to soap up his ass and back, his hard dick bouncing against his stomach when he moved.

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed the soap from him, washing the hard to reach areas for him. “Yeah, and knowing my drunk ass, I probably thought it was naked time or something, and joined you.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "I'm sad I don't remember you drunk stripping. I bet it was funny to watch." He looked over his shoulder and winked at him. "Thank you, do you want me to wash yours too?"

“Sure,” Dean said with a smile, as he handed him the soap and they switched places. “And shut up, my stripping was probably so sexy, that’s why you passed out.”

"That seems like an accurate assumption." Cas chuckled lowly as warm, strong and soapy hands massaged their way down his back, slowly getting closer to his ass.

Dean groaned outright. “Seriously, dude. You have magic hands.”

"You are exaggerating shamelessly, but I'll take the compliment," Cas murmured, his breath hot on Dean's neck as his hand travelled lower, right over his hip bone. “I hope the Ken doll didn’t hurt you…”

Dean shook his head. “Just a little sore. Hence why I knew I definitely had sex.”

Cas sighed deeply and rubbed his thumbs over Dean’s back before he pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck. For a moment Dean could feel Cas's erection against his ass. "We should get ready and get you tested... I still can't believe I missed you going off with that flower print clown."

“At least you didn’t let him fuck you,” Dean groaned in frustration as he finished rinsing off and shut off the shower. He handed a towel to Cas before wrapping himself in the other one. 

“I hope he at least used enough lube," Cas grumbled before he toweled his hair dry. When he pulled the towel away, he looked like a cat after it stuck a fork in a light socket.

Dean chuckled and ruffled his hair a little more. “I promise, it’s the good kind of ache, not the painful, no longer able to sit kind.”

"I still want to kill the guy... He probably just used the fact you were drunk. I mean, you wouldn't have had sex with him if you weren’t drunk, right? And the fact the guy ‘forgot’ to use a condom is like..." Cas made a frustrated noise before he stomped into the next room.

“Well, it’s not like I remember it. I mean, if it wasn’t for the soreness, I wouldn’t have even known I had sex, you know? I’m just an idiot,” Dean said as he pulled on his boxers before searching for his jeans.

Cas shrugged on his shirt and walked over to Dean, grabbing his shoulder. "You're not an idiot. You were drunk. And people do stupid things when they are drunk."

Dean nodded and patted his own ass. “You got that right.”

Cas flashed him a soft smile and leaned over to kiss the tip of Dean’s nose. "Come on. I need something for the headache, and food, before we go to the clinic. And I swear, if the guy gave you anything, I'm going to murder him."

“That’d be a neat trick since we barely remember anything about him, let alone how to find him,” Dean said with a chuckle as he looked the room over for anything they might have dropped. 

Cas pulled on his jeans and shrugged. "I would just go back to the club and ask around until I found him." His voice came out in a husky growl, probably a combination of the hangover and having to shout to hear each other over the loud music. "I think I have everything."

Dean nodded and grabbed the car keys to Baby with a smile. “Alright, then let’s feed you before you go full-on Hannibal Lecter with all your murdery thoughts.”

"Well, no one hurts my friend." He scrunched up his nose and shook his head before he added, "And I wouldn't eat Ken doll... I'm pretty sure he's made of plastic."

Dean chuckled and looped his arm over Cas’s shoulders as they left the key on the table and slipped out of the door. “Oh, good knight. Whatever would I do without you defending my honor?”

Cas playfully shoved him, giving him a pout. "Hey, you are exactly the same when it comes to me, so don't judge."

“No judgement. It’s nice to know you have my back. I’m damn lucky to have you in my life, Cas,” he returned seriously. Because it was damn true.

Cas flashed him a bright smile before he leaned over to kiss his shoulder. "Ditto," he replied and scrunched up his nose again. "Damn, this headache is killing me."

“We’ll hit a drug store before the diner, okay?” Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s forehead. “Unless the kiss helped?” 

"Always." He grinned before he kissed him on his lips, just to scrunch up his nose again and quickly lean back, shaking his head. "Nope. Not going to kiss until I’ve brushed my teeth. I want to keep you alive."

Dean laughed and cupped Cas’s face before drawing him in for a chaste kiss. “Don’t be dumb.”

Cas raised his eyebrows as he leaned back. "Don't be suicidal. I have dragon breath."

“Don’t make me French you,” he warned in return.

Cas pushed him away with a laugh. He started to run away from him down the hallway.

And that was why Castiel Novak was his best friend. Dean chased him with an evil grin, making grabby hands for him and, despite the hangover from Hell, still felt amazing. All thanks to the goofy bastard who was trying to hide behind an ugly fern. 

Damn, he loved his best friend.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

When they finally got home after a visit to the clinic, and a quick stop at the pharmacy to get some pain meds, Cas felt a little better. He would have felt better if they didn't have to wait a week for Dean's test results, and although he didn't believe in any deities, he still quietly prayed that Dean would be okay.

Mary chastised them for not calling in the morning, but otherwise left them to nurse the rest of their hangovers in peace. So, they were currently in Dean's bed, Dean lying against Cas’s chest with his leg thrown over him, happily dozing off the rest of the day.

Cas tried to remember the awesome sex dream he’d had about Dean that night. He was pretty sure his morning wood had been the result of that awesome dream.

He wished he was the one Dean had sex with, and not that stupid surfer guy, but that would never happen. Even though they flirted a lot when they played pretend boyfriends; something he was now one hundred percent sure was the reason for his dream in the first place. Because in his dream Dean was his real boyfriend.

He sighed and pulled Dean closer. He knew he shouldn’t wish for that. Cas wanted to keep Dean as his best friend. A mantra that he repeated in his head over a million times by now. He needed to give up on the dream and accept that he needed to find sex elsewhere. Maybe romance would follow eventually. 

Or maybe he would always love Dean. He wondered if it was possible for him to just accept this fact and, instead of getting frustrated with the situation, simply find another way to deal with it. Everything important in a romantic relationship he already had with Dean. They were close, they shared kisses, and he knew Dean would always be there for him. He could rely on him, and he could tell Dean everything without the fear of judgement. The only thing missing was the sex. And Cas knew he could get sex elsewhere. 

It wasn’t perfect, but Cas was sure it would work. At least as long as things remained as they were now. 

Cas drew patterns on Dean’s back; little hearts and other silly things he could get away with because Dean never guessed them right. “What a day,” he sighed. “I’m glad we’re home now.”

And this was home for him. For the first time in his life he meant the word, and understood how it should feel in his heart.

Dean hummed contentedly. “Me too, with my own life size teddy bear,” he murmured as he pressed a lazy kiss to Cas’s chin.

Cas growled like a bear and pressed his lips to Dean’s forehead. “Does that mean I got promoted from pillow to teddy?”

Dean nodded against his chest. “Yup, and all mine. No one else’s.”

Cas grinned. He loved when Dean said things like that.”Well, that’s a given. Teddies eat everyone else, and only their owner can cuddle them.”

That was met with a soft chuckle as Dean tightened his grip around Cas. “Good.”

“Did your Mom tell you they are planning to take Sam to the beach? She asked if we wanna go with them,” Cas said while combing his fingers through Dean’s hair.

Dean lifted his head slightly and gave him a sleepy smile. “If you wanna go, we can, but I’m also good with staying right here and never leaving this spot, ever again.”

Cas chuckled lowly and pressed another kiss to Dean’s head. “It’s next weekend. I’m pretty sure by then you’ll be sick of your teddy.”

“Not a chance of that ever happening,” he murmured as he pressed a playful bite to his collarbone.

“Ahh, don’t eat the teddy,” Cas playfully complained. “I don’t have any health insurance.”

Dean chuckled and started playfully biting him some more. “But my teddy is so tasty!”

“I’m filled with fur. You will get it stuck in your teeth,” Cas explained while laughing and trying not to think how sexy this would be in another context, because he hated when he got a boner from innocent and playful situations like these. 

Dean leaned over and smirked. “Maybe I need to try other places,” he said with a thoughtful hum before he nipped Cas’s cheek.

Cas hummed and turned his face a little more towards Dean. “Pretty sure my lips aren’t made out of fur.”

Dean chuckled and waggled his eyebrows as he nipped Cas’s lips that time. “You’re right.”

“There might be more unfurry parts, but I can't remember where,” Cas teased, trying to look innocent. If Dean was in an exploring mood, who was he to stop him?

“Hmmm.” Dean licked along Cas’s bottom lip. “Yeah, no fur there.”

And there was his erection again. It was his own fault. He had to go and provoke Dean. He hummed and made another teddy bear noise before he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him tight. “Teddy likes Dean,” he murmured into Dean’s ear.

Dean laughed softly and nodded. “Dean likes teddy.”

“Good. I’m just saying if you eat me, I’ll be gone, and you can’t cuddle me anymore.” 

“Fine,” Dean said with an exasperated sigh as he cuddled against him again.

Cas chuckled lowly. "You sound way too disappointed by that. Okay... I’ll allow you to nibble on certain parts, but don't complain if I end up looking shabby."

Dean mouthed at his collarbone again before smiling at him. “I’m so happy you’re my best friend, Cas.”

"Because I let you eat me?" 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Because you’re a weirdo who lets _me,_ another weirdo, eat you.”

"Weird," Cas replied dryly. "But I like it when you nibble on me, so if that makes me weird, I can totally live with that." He kissed Dean's cheek before he added, "And I'm happy that you're my best friend, too. I wouldn't change that for the world."

“You know, it’s kinda crazy,” he started as he leaned his chin on his arm resting on Cas’s chest, “I liked you the moment you tripped over me, and I knew then we would have an awesome friendship.”

"Some people say fate, some people call it chemistry.... I just think it's because you're a very clever guy." Cas winked before he carded his fingers through Dean's hair. "But in all seriousness, I feel the same. Stumbling over you was the best thing that’s happened in my life. I don't want to.... I can't imagine my life without you." He really hoped that didn't sound too cheesy. But Dean started it.

“I don’t want to imagine my life without you either. So promise me here and now that we’ll stay best friends, that we won’t let adulthood tear us apart like most high school friendships.”

Cas gave him a long look and took Dean's hand in his before he replied, "I promise we will always be best friends, and if anything, adulthood will just bring us closer."

Dean leaned up to plant a kiss on his lips. When he drew back, he smiled and said, “There. Sealed with a kiss. Now neither of us can break the promise.”

"You call that a kiss?" Cas asked before he leaned closer and drew him into a gentle kiss, holding him in place as he deepened it, just for a moment. He wanted to keep kissing him, but every second longer was a direct train to hornyland.

“Man,” Dean said with a head shake, his tone awed and a little amused, “I still can’t believe how good you got at kissing.”

"Had a good teacher," Cas mumurmed, giving him a playful nose kiss. 

Dean’s smile was broad and content. Suddenly his eyes widened as though he remembered something. “Did Dad get a chance to talk to you yet?”

“About what?” Cas asked, lazily playing with the strands of hair at the nape of Dean's neck.

“The paperwork went through, Mom and Dad are your legal guardians, so he’s gonna add you to his insurance on Monday.”

Cas couldn't help but smile broadly at Dean. "That's amazing. I planned on breaking my leg on Tuesday." He shook his head. "I still can't believe your parents did all that for me. They are so amazing."

Dean shrugged as he rested his head on his hand against Cas’s chest again. “Told you. They love you.”

Cas looked at the ceiling of Dean's room. "Well, I love them too." _And you._ But he didn't say that out loud. "I want to do something nice for them. Do you have any ideas? What would they like, or would make them happy?"

Dean appeared contemplative for a moment. “Maybe we could give them a weekend to themselves? Get Sammy to stay at a friend’s place for the weekend, and you and I could take a road trip somewhere to let them be, you know… gross and married.”

Cas's eyes widened. "That's perfect!" His lips curled up in an excited smile before what Dean said set in. "And a road trip to where?" His excitement multiplied over the prospect of taking a vacation with Dean.

“No idea,” Dean said with a shrug. “We can figure it out.”

"A whole weekend just with you. I don't even care where we go," Cas admitted.

Dean rolled his eyes and laughed. “You live with me. We spend every weekend together.”

"It's not the same though. ‘Cause here we get interupted all of the time with school, or homework, or other stupid things," Cas argued, sliding his fingers over Dean’s back. “And this will be like an adventure.”

“True, just don’t let me fuck random Ken dolls this time.”

"I promise!" Cas breathed out. "You can be my pretend boyfriend again, and I’ll scare away any surfer guy who dares speak to you."

Dean chuckled. “That worked pretty well actually. I mean, other than when I apparently escaped long enough to get fucked, but yeah.”

Cas shook his head. "I still can't believe I didn't notice you leaving. Man, I was so drunk."

“We both were. At least you’re an adorable drunk.” Dean sighed, shaking his head. “I’m just a slut, apparently.”

"Why are you saying that, Dean?" Cas asked, feeling worried. His chest constricted everytime Dean said something demeaning about himself. He grabbed his cheek and leaned in for a soft kiss. “The guy clearly took advantage of your state. And even if you had sex with him without being drunk, that still doesn’t make you a slut. It’s okay to enjoy sex.”

Dean shrugged and looked away. “S’what Rhonda called me after I hooked up with that guy from Pride. She was mostly making fun, but… then Luke said it too, so… yeah.”

"Yeah, well Rhonda doesn't have any room to judge," he replied, trying not to sound too annoyed before he added, "And Luke says a lot of stupid things." He rubbed his thumb over Dean's chin and gave him a soft smile. "I don't think you're a slut. And neither should you. It's totally okay to want sex, Dean. I think about it like every five seconds, if that makes you feel better."

Dean shrugged in acquiescence. “I get what you’re saying, I’m just… I’m pissed I fucked a guy whose face I can’t even really recall, without a condom, and it obviously wasn’t that good, considering I had a much better sex dream.”

"It's weird that you still remember that, but not the actual sex," Cas replied and shook his head. "Maybe the sex was so bad your brain wanted to help you by quickly forgetting it."

Dean laughed. “Yeah, maybe. Must be what happened.”

"So, what was your sex dream about?" Cas grinned. "Did you have sex with a celebrity?"

At that Dean blushed and ducked his gaze. “Takin’ it to my grave.”

"Woah, was it super kinky and embarrassing? I bet you dreamed about having sex with Gunner Lawless, and he punished you really hard?" Cas waggled his eyebrows. "No wonder you knew it didn't happen for real."

Dean rolled his eyes, but the blush was pretty telling. “No. Maybe… Shut up.”

"I knew it." Cas chuckled as he playfully pushed Dean, growling in his ear, "Did he have a really big dick?" He couldn’t help it, but he loved seeing Dean blush. It made his freckles more prominent.

Dean half-heartedly shoved Cas off of him. “You’re a dick.” After a beat he said, “And yes. Dick.”

"All I hear is dick, dick, dick." He gasped playfully before he looked at Dean. "Did you dream about _two_ Gunners?"

“Well, it would explain the ache in my hole,” he replied dryly as he grabbed a pillow and smacked Cas with it. 

Cas made a playful dying noise and spread his arms out over the bed. "Arghh, pillow violence against defenseless teddies."

Dean shifted to lean over him and press a chaste kiss to his lips. “All better?”

Cas gave him a playfully sad look and shook his head, murmuring, "More..."

Without hesitating, Dean leaned in and started peppering his face with kisses. When he drew back, he quirked his brow in question. “Better?”

Cas tried not to grin, and maintain his sad teddy look, which was incredibly difficult, so he tried to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from laughing. He gave him a wide-eyed look and a thoughtful sigh. "I… I don't know. Teddies are very sensitive when they get abused by pillow violence. I may need teddy therapy, which means a lot of kisses and cuddling."

Dean chuckled and cupped Cas’s face as he leaned in and kissed him for real, tilting his head slightly as he slipped his tongue between Cas’s lips.

Cas couldn't help the quiet moan that escaped as he pulled Dean on top of him, melting into the kiss as he licked over Dean's tongue to taste it. He knew he was addicted to feeling Dean like this, and it reminded him of his own sex dream about Dean. Not that it had been the first time he had dreamed about having sex with Dean, but usually they were more daydreams instead of real dreams. Anyway, this right now was perfect, and he loved when they got to that point.

Dean groaned into the kiss as he straddled Cas’s hips, both hands now cupping his face as the kiss grew more needy, more desperate, like Dean needed Cas to breathe.

Cas slid his hands under Dean's shirt and up his chest, rubbing his thumb over his nipple to make Dean gasp, and deepened the kiss even more. His dick was rock hard as he rocked it against Dean, holding Dean in position with the placement of his other hand.

Dean started grinding against Cas, soft little moans escaping as his hands started trailing down Cas’s chest.

Cas licked over Dean's upper lip, murmuring breathlessly, "Do you want me to pull off my shirt?"

“Yeah,” he said as he took off his own shirt.

Cas quickly grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off before he grabbed Dean's neck and pulled him into a deep kiss again, his palms now roaming freely over Dean's warm and smooth skin. He wondered how far they would take this, because he was sure Dean would draw a line at some point. He softly bit Dean's upper lip before he soothed it with his tongue, the fingers of his other hand slipping into Dean's hair to hold him close. 

The sharp gasp that escaped Dean turned into an ardent moan as he started rutting against Cas’s erection a little more frantically, never really breaking away from the kiss.

“Fuck, Dean,” Cas gasped against Dean’s lips, his hands wandering to the hem of Dean’s pants, one hand sliding possessively over Dean’s ass. 

Suddenly the door to their room was opened. “Dean, Cas, dinner is r–”

They both more or less startled apart when they met John’s surprised look that quickly turned into a raised eyebrow. “Not boyfriends my ass,” he mumbled with a chuckle before he turned around and left the room.

Dean shook his head and scrambled to grab his and Cas’s shirts. “Fuck, he’s gotta learn how to friggin’ knock.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had heard back from the clinic the Friday following his birthday, the friday following his idiotic barebacking with a complete stranger. The relief he felt when they told him he was fine was palpable. He still needed to come back for another check in three months according to the nurse, just to be safe, but that he shouldn’t worry. 

So he and Cas spent the evening celebrating with pizza and the new MarioKart game for Cas’s Nintendo 64 that Mom and Dad got him for Christmas. Cas was already packed for their day trip to the Beach on Saturday, so Dean took insane pleasure telling Cas he’d pack his stuff in the morning. 

He would never not love making Cas all adorable and annoyed. 

When they got to the beach that morning, Dean, having literally packed thirty minutes before they left, Sammy and Gabe – who had told his parents he had a class field trip, like the professional liar he was – immediately ran to the arcade on the pier, whereas Mom and Dad got settled on the patio of a nice bistro with heat lamps. 

The beach was beautiful, a dark grey day, thunder rumbling in the distance. Cold, sure, but Dean was used to this kind of thing. Mom had issues with crowds. He didn’t know the full extent of what it was, but since they were little, they always had to go to touristy type places off season because Mom would get anxious with crowds. So, what was weird to a lot of people, was normal for the Winchesters.

Dean nodded for Cas to follow him down to the beach, instead of the arcade like their brothers. There were a few people walking their dogs, but the beach was mostly abandoned. He smiled at him, fighting the urge to hold his hand. “Hope you don’t think we’re all super weird,” he said with a soft laugh.

"Too late for that," Cas replied with a smirk before he added, "And you told me that there is nothing wrong with being weird." He looked up and squinted his eyes against the grey sky, the back of his hand bumping into Dean's, the touch lingering.

Dean smiled and bumped his hip into Cas’s, taking any excuse to touch. It was weird. Their sexual connection had been super charged since the makeout session a week ago. But between school, practice for Cas, and drama for Dean, they’d barely seen each other. 

He blamed that damn sex dream. It freaked him out how much he wanted to know what it would be like to have sex with Cas for real. But then he’d remember that high school romances always ended, and the thought of losing his best friend made his heart physically hurt.

But there was this weird, unspoken thing between them. Without acknowledging it, without saying the words, it was like they were free to experiment with their sexual boundaries. If they didn’t talk about it, it wouldn’t ruin their friendship. 

Dean knew that it wouldn’t always be that easy, but for now? He was going to test their limits. “True. It’s kind of a default response. You have no idea how many friends me and Sammy had growing up who were… they didn’t get it, you know?”

Cas playfully bumped into his shoulder. "Well, since I'm pretty weird as well, I guess it's hard not to get."

He slung his arm over Cas’s shoulder and nodded. “Yeah, you are. S’why I like you.”

Cas raised his eyebrows in amusement. "And here I thought you only liked me for my amazing skills at being a teddy or a pillow, or both at the same time."

Dean rolled his eyes. “You’re the worst pillow in the world and a real chatty teddy bear. You have no skills.”

Cas gasped at him with a playfully shocked expression. "Oh, yeah? You sure use me a lot for those purposes, even though I apparently suck at it. Why is that, huh? It smells like a big fat lie."

“Can’t prove that,” he said with a smirk.

"Of course I can." Cas replied smoothly. "Just try to get through a week without cuddling me, and we'll see how bad my teddy-pillow skills really are. I bet you can't even get through one day."

Dean barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Not taking that bait. We both know you’re one hundred percent correct.”

“Ha! I knew it." Cas pumped his fist and jumped up in victory. "And you said yourself that I'm the best teddy in the world."

“You are,” he murmured as he leaned his head against Cas’s.

Cas made a happy noise before he lifted Dean in his arms, Dean automatically crossing his legs around his waist, holding on to his neck. "You don't know it yet, but it's all a trap. Me being super cuddly and teddy-like."

Dean smiled and when a dog barked, Cas let Dean down and they reluctantly drew apart. “Well,” he started as he rubbed the back of his neck, “it worked.”

Cas gave him a shy grin. "Good, ‘cause once you're in the trap, you’ll never want to leave again."

“I can say that’s true,” he said with a wink as he looped his arm with Cas’s. Random strangers silent judgement be damned.

"So, what do you want to do? At the moment we're just strolling on the beach like an old married couple." Cas gave him a shy smile before he looked at the sky again, scrunching his nose.

Dean shrugged. “If you’re bored we can go back to the arcade.”

"I'm never bored with you," Cas replied before he gave him another shy smile. "And I like having you all to myself."

Dean smiled and nodded his agreement. “Yeah, I feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”

"It's sadly not a feeling. It's accurate. Practice is a bitch at the moment... How is the play going?" Cas asked as he pulled Dean closer.

He shook his head as he remembered their last rehearsal. “Bela threw the hissiest of hissy fits on Thursday. Full on meltdown, threatened to have her family pay for everyone’s murder kind of spoiled brat shit, because someone from the crew spilled paint on her wig. Ms. Barnes had to shut her ass down and escort her out.” 

"Wow… dramatic. Maybe she didn't quite get that the drama is just in the play?" He asked with a chuckle.

Dean nodded and laughed. “Yeah, she didn’t get that memo. How’s practice been for you?”

Cas shrugged and looked away for a moment. His voice quiet as he said, "It sucks. I thought about quitting the team… but I need it for my college application. Extra curriculars always look good."

“What’s going on?” Dean asked, squeezing Cas’s shoulder.

Cas sighed and shrugged again. "Luke isn't there. And I know you think he's an asshole and you're not wrong… but damn, he was a really good player and he loved it. And we really feel the loss. And Stephen tried to talk me into trying to persuade him to join the team again, and I can't… I can't tell him the truth about why that is never going to happen."

Dean sighed and squeezed Cas’s arm a little tighter. “You sure you couldn’t tell Stephen?”

"I don't know how without outing Luke." Cas scrubbed his hand over his face. "That's the last thing I want to do."

_Shit._ Dean hadn’t even thought about that. “Fuck. That _does_ suck.” He sighed again. “At least the season will be over in a month?” 

"Yeah, but we suck and the morale is low. It's no fun. We only won the last game out of sheer luck."

“Well, I can’t help with that, but I’m always here if you need an ear, or a hug.”

"You can come to the next game and comfort me when we lose." Cas gave him a puppy eye look. "I can even lift my shirt for you again, if that's a motivation," he added with a smirk.

Dean rolled his eyes, but there was no way in Hell he’d say no to that. “Deal.”

Cas gave him a wink before he asked, "When is your play, which I still don't know what it is, anyway? I guess it's a Midsummer Night's Dream, ‘cause I think I saw an elf when I met you outside drama the other day."

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. You’re looking at Puck. And Mid-March is when it starts. They’re going to have us perform it every weekend through to May. You’ll get to see me be a fairy, don’t worry.”

"I bet you will be the cutest and sexiest Puck this play has ever seen," Cas replied with a flirty smile.

“I’m covered in glitter,” he said dryly. Dean then smiled and said, “But I’m glad you think so.”

Cas gave him a wide eyed look. "Oh, uh, um… does that mean if I hug you after the premiere, I'll have glitter all over me?"

Dean nodded. “All over. Everywhere. I’m still finding glitter every time I shower, from our first dress rehearsal.”

"I'm surprised I haven't had any glitter on me when I think of how much we’ve fallen asleep in the same bed lately." 

“Yeah, I think it’s in all the crevices the sun don’t shine,” he said with a soft laugh.

“How did the glitter get in there?” Cas asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Dean smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I have an idea about how it got there,” Cas replied with a smug grin.

“How?” 

"Your infamous toy that you told me about, but I have actually never seen." The smug smile was still in place.

Dean blushed and playfully shoved Cas. “Shut up.”

Cas chuckled and wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder, pulling him close as he whispered into his ear, "You look cute when you blush."

“And you’re cute when you’re being a perve,” he returned.

“I’m not the one with the secret dildo.” Cas replied smoothly.

Dean quirked his brow. “It’s not a secret, you know about it.”

“You could have invented it. You told me it's hot pink and I still don't believe that," Cas teased.

“If you want to see my dildo, Cas, all you gotta do is ask.”

Cas chuckled before he turned to look at him, giving Dean a playfully serious look. "May I see your hot pink dildo?"

Dean nodded. “Sure. We just better make sure we lock the door this time. I’m tired of my Dad walking in on me with that damn thing.”

Cas chuckled before he frowned. "Why the color though?"

He ducked his gaze and looked away. “It was the only color in the type I wanted.”

"You know that now I have to ask what type you wanted, right?" Cas asked, grabbing Dean's chin to make him look at him.

Dean shrugged and said, “Wanted a big one.”

Cas gave him a quick smile before it turned thoughtful. "Yeah, I get that. I bet it feels pretty good."

Dean nodded. “You ever done it?”

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Get fucked, you mean?"

“Well, I’m assuming you’d have told me you lost that virginity, but yeah, with a toy or anything? Ever tried assplay?” 

"Never with a toy. With my finger sometimes, but… but mostly so I would learn how to prep someone without hurting them. I'm pretty sure it's not the same." He shrugged, giving him a quick look before looking at his feet again.

Dean tilted Cas’s head back up with a gentle grasp on his chin. “Well, you can always try it with mine. I keep it clean.”

Cas's gaze wandered off, like he really couldn't look at Dean. "Thanks, but… I… I'm not sure if I want to try it."

“That’s cool, too. But… you don’t know what you’re missing,” he said as he nudged Cas towards a large boulder at the water’s edge.

"I don't know why I feel uncomfortable with that. Maybe I'm just waiting for the right person, someone who I can trust… you know?"

Dean chuckled. “Not a complete stranger at Pride or a club?” 

"Well, you’ve had sex like that before. I haven't," Cas retorted before he shrugged. "And I think you're a lot more fearless than I am about experimenting and trusting others."

“I think you mean stupid.” Dean chuckled and added, “Besides, I gave up my anal virginity to that guy at Pride. I hadn’t had real anal sex prior to that.”

"We're just different in that way. I need someone to connect to, to have sex. I can't do it with someone I don't know." Cas grabbed his shoulder. "And I mean this in no way judgingly, nor do I think you're stupid. You're just different and it's not a bad thing. I actually wish sometimes I could be more like you."

Dean smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before he climbed up the boulder. “I’m damn lucky to have you in my life,” he confessed.

Cas chuckled and helped Dean to get safely on top, and not slip on the cold, but slightly slippery loose stones. Cas squinted his eyes at the horizon as they sat and settled side by side. "If you just look in that direction..." He pointed out over the water. "You can imagine being on a lonely island in the middle of the ocean."

Dean rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Not lonely,” he said, “I’ve got you.”

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulder and leaned his head against Dean's. "And you always will." After a beat he chuckled. "Can you imagine what we would do if we had an island just to ourselves?"

Dean chuckled, trying to imagine it. “We’d put Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins to shame.” In his head, he meant more the ability to survive, but a part of him knew it was also because they eventually fell in love. 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "I don't know why, but I hated that movie. I think I watched it too early."

“It was pretty bad,” Dean said with a soft laugh.

"The worst. I actually felt sick during the movie and had to stop watching it." Cas shuddered before he leaned against Dean, giving him a smug grin, one Dean knew pretty well by now. "I think everyone would start having sex if they got stuck on a boring island."

Dean chuckled. “I don’t know. If I was stuck with an asshole, like Luke’s dad, I could restrain myself.”

Cas laughed at that. "Oh, fuck no. I don't mean with people you want to murder if you are forced to hang out with them. I mean, like nice people."

“Yeah.” Dean sighed as he leaned back on his hands, staring out at the cloudy horizon. “So, which colleges are you applying to?”

"University of Chicago," Cas replied simply before looking over at him with a quick smile. "And you?"

Dean shrugged. “If I go to college, I was just gonna go to one of the community colleges.”

"As long as we're in the same city, I don't really care where I go."

Dean smiled, happy that he wasn’t alone in that boat. “Told ya’. You’re stuck with me.”

Cas flashed him a wide grin. "Like glitter." He braced himself on his palms and leaned back as well, blinking against the sun that started breaking through the clouds. The light made his blue eyes shine brighter, almost otherworldly. "Looks like the weather is getting better."

“Yeah. May even get to take off our jackets,” he said, getting a little lost in a blue that made the ocean pale.

Cas nodded as he slowly started to unzip his parka and pull his arms out of it, keeping it wrapped around his lower torso. "I talked to Sam, by the way. Next weekend he and Gabe want to stay at a friend’s house. I think it might be a party. So, if you want to, we could do our trip then?"

“I’m totally down.”

“Cool, I think your parents will be happy to have us all out of the house for a change.” He leaned against Dean’s shoulder and added, ”You know, since we can’t think about where we want to go, we could choose it randomly. Like, pointing to a place on a map with our eyes closed. Make it an adventure.”

That actually sounded like a really cool idea. Dean nodded. “Alright, yeah. Let’s do that.”

“Who knows where we will end up?” Cas chuckled before leaning closer.

The idea truly was exciting. Dean couldn’t wait to let fate take over. He smiled and said, “Doesn’t matter, we’ll make it fun no matter what.”

“And if we don’t find a hotel, we can sleep in the car… although that could get pretty cold, depending on where we go.” Cas added thoughtfully as he scratched his chin.

“Haven’t you ever seen a sitcom? We’ll just have to cuddle up together naked to keep ourselves warm.” And Dean was more than okay with that.

“I think it’s crawling naked into a sleeping bag with someone who is already naked.” Cas grinned, as he got a far away look. “Pretty sure I don’t have a problem with that, Dean.”

Dean rested his head on Cas’s shoulder again. “I love how comfortable we are with each other.”

“Me too. I feel so relaxed when I am with you, Dean. Like I can be my true self because I know you would never judge me.” Cas turned slightly to kiss his forehead. “I know I say it a lot, but I’m so happy and grateful that you’re in my life.”

Yeah, Cas might say it all the time, but it never failed to make Dean feel warm and content every damn time he did. Dean surreptitiously held Cas’s hand and sighed contentedly. “Do you believe in fate?”

“No,” Cas shook his head and gave him a big smile. “Which makes this – us meeting – in my eyes, even more wondrous and amazing because it means we can control what we do. Not some higher power. And I want to be by your side for the rest of my life.”

“Good answer,” he murmured as he got a little lost in thought. As they sat there, Dean holding hands with his best friend; the person he _chose_ to have in his life in that role, without the help or aid of some supposed cosmic entity… Dean realized he was damn lucky. 

Cas squeezed his hand and dragged his thumb over Dean's palm. It left Dean with a tingling feeling that spread through his body, into his chest and stomach. "But I get why people would believe in fate. Sometimes good things happen, and they are so amazing it's hard to believe they are real and you got that lucky." He gave Dean a smile. "I sometimes wonder what I did right in my life that I got you."

There was a beat of silence as they held each other’s gaze. “Your abs,” Dean deadpanned.

Cas burst into laughter, shaking his head as he obviously tried to get a hold of himself. "That explains a lot," he said, still laughing.

Dean chuckled and soaked in Cas’s laugh. His smile. It always made Cas even more attractive. “So, I’ll have no more mockery of my distraction when you’re shirtless.”

Cas gave him a damn good pair of puppy eyes as he complained, "But I love teasing you. And you're so se–cute when you blush."

“I’m so _what?”_ he asked in a sing-song.

Cas cleared his throat, looking away from Dean for a moment before he murmured, "Sexy."

Dean refrained from jumping up to dance a jig, and sing, _“Cas thinks I’m sexy,”_ over and over. And he was damn proud of his restraint. “Maybe I should take _my_ shirt off more often.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. "Yeah, I'm a young man with a healthy sexual appetite. So don’t look so smug. You’re sexy as hell, and anyone who doesn’t see that is simply blind.” Cas actually blushed all the way through trying to defend himself.

Dean nudged his cheek with his nose. “You’re cute.”

“Well, I’m your teddy so that’s a given,” Cas replied dryly, a quick smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“You’re not wrong.”

Cas chuckled and leaned against his shoulder. “So with which character from Star Trek would you rather get stuck on an island with? Kirk, Spock, or Bones?” 

“Spock all the way,” Dean answered without hesitation. “You?”

"Scotty." Cas rubbed his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand. "It's the accent, and I'm aware he wasn't on the list."

Dean chuckled and with a pretty decent Scottish accent (if he did say so himself), said, “Is that right, Captain?”

Cas pressed his hand over Dean's face to playfully push him away. "Stop it, bad boy. My accent love is no joke, and you're way too good at imitating accents."

“What? You don’t like the accents?” Dean asked in an exaggerated Monty Python voice.

"Not nice!" Cas shoved Dean's shoulder and looked down at his lap with a head shake. "Stop giving me a boner on our lonely island, Dean. Who knows what could happen."

“Well, if the tide comes in, we could use it as a flotation device.”

Cas blushed again before he shook his head, murmuring, "It's not _that_ big, Dean."

“Dude, seriously, it is.” Dean nudged his elbow into Cas’s side.

"Now I know why you took drama," Cas replied with a chuckle. He suddenly sat up and pulled off his jacket completely. It had gotten a lot warmer since the sun started to really come out. 

Not one to pass up that kind of opportunity, Dean pulled his jacket off too. “What? So I could exaggerate about my best friend’s cock?”

"There is no other explanation." Cas shrugged "Other than you knew you were going to get to play a fairy, covered in glitter."

“Be nice, or I’ll get my glitter on you.” 

“I’m pretty sure you will anyway. I live with you and I’m your pillow, so do the math. There is no way I'm coming out of this glitter free."

Dean chuckled and looked up at the sky. It was still kinda cold, but the sun was making it seem like it was warm. He started taking off his shirt. “I’ll jump in if you will,” he said as he nodded to the water.

"The water is freezing, b–, Dean. You should at least dip your toe or finger in for a few seconds before you consider doing that. And think about your jeans. They will never dry and you will freeze to death." Cas was trying to be the voice of reason again.

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Dean challenged as he stood up to start taking his jeans off. 

Cas stood up too and removed his sweatshirt, revealing that beautiful, toned body. Dean was a moth to the flame, especially those damn abs. That sight would never get old. When Cas’s hands lowered to his jeans, he popped them open, lips parted as they held each other’s gaze. "I'm only doing this so I can rescue you, should you freeze to death, or get a heart attack from the shock."

“My hero,” Dean said as he cupped Cas’s face, took a quick look around, before pressing a kiss to his nose and jumping into the water. And Cas hadn’t been joking about how cold it was. Dean gasped as he scrambled above the water, body quivering and twitching from the unexpected spike of a stinging kind of cold. “Shit!”

He was instantly doused with more cold water when Cas jumped in after him, shortly coming back up again with wide eyes, taking in an audible breath. "Fuck!" Cas grabbed his shoulder and stuttered, "L-let's get out!"

Dean nodded as his teeth started chattering, swimming around the rock, and darting out of the water. He grabbed Cas’s hand to pull him after him.

As soon they were on the beach, Cas chuckled and drew Dean close to his shivering body. "Fuck, I'm freezing."

“Ditto,” he muttered through chattering teeth, as moved to climb the dry side of the rock formation that led to the boulder. The wind rushed his skin and Dean let out a sharp gasp. _Fuck!_ He grabbed their clothes and quickly returned to Cas.

Cas pulled on his sweater the moment Dean handed it to him, and used the sleeves to roughly dry off his legs. He turned around to see if anyone was watching them before he hid between Dean and the water. "Yeah, I'm not going to put on my jeans with wet underwear." He quickly pulled them off, giving Dean a nice view of his ass before he pulled on his jeans.

Dean was transfixed for a moment, soaking in the image like a creep, before he made sure no one else could see. When Cas was fully clothed again, he nodded for him to switch. “My turn.”

Cas positioned himself in front of Dean, not even trying to hide the fact that he was watching him. He even waggled his eyebrows.

Dean chuckled and shook his ass for him. 

"The only music I can make to accompany a sexy striptease is my teeth chattering. Not sure that will wor–" He stopped dead as Dean dropped his wet underwear.

He smirked over his shoulder as he shook his ass again, bent over a little more than necessary to start pulling on his jeans. 

"Are you trying to fry my brain?" Cas asked, his voice even huskier than usual. "’Cause it's working."

Dean laughed as he redressed to put Cas out of his misery. He turned to him as he finished buttoning them up. “Good.”

Cas didn't conceal that he was trying to adjust his dick in his jeans. "Yeah, good," he murmured dryly, his lips looking a little blue from the cold. "Just that I'm still cold."

Dean looked around before he yanked Cas forward by his sweater and pressed a kiss to his lips. He smiled. “Better?”

Cas buried his fingers into Dean's wet hair and drew him into another kiss, a longer one, he licked into his mouth with a soft moan. When Cas pulled back, he licked over his own lips and nodded. "Now, it's better, but please never try to drown your teddy again."

He drew an invisible X over his chest. “I promise.”

Cas drew him closer again with a soft smile, and Dean thought Cas was going to kiss him again, but then he heard his parents call for them, far enough away they couldn’t see them, but close enough that it wouldn’t be long until they did.

Dean sighed, and they drew apart as they turned in the direction they were being called from. Mom and Dad were walking toward the beach with big grins on their faces, Sam and Gabe trailing behind them. 

“The sun’s out!” Mom called out. 

Cas used the moment to wring out his boxer shorts over the sand as he replied, "Yeah, we already tried swimming. It was very refreshing."

Dad rolled his eyes and laughed. “I’m surprised you’re not covered in ice.” 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas from behind and nodded. “We almost were.”

Cas reached behind him and bent his knees before he pulled Dean onto his back, laughing. "And since this was your idea, you're responsible for keeping me warm."

He couldn’t hold back the bubble of laughter that escaped, looking down at his best friend with a broad grin. “That’s fair.”

In that moment there was a flash and tell-tale click. Dean rolled his eyes as he looked at his Dad in annoyance. He turned to Mom and said, “Did you _have_ to buy him that camera for Christmas?”

"Oh, yes, I can never have enough adorable photos of you," Mom teased before her grin turned wider. "And when you two are married, I can give you a photo album of your time together."

Dean groaned and shook his head. He whispered into Cas’s ear. “Told you we’d never hear the end of it.”

"I can live with that, Dean." Cas chuckled as he started to run around with him.

All Dean could do was laugh and hold on for dear life. 

As he watched his family proceed to enjoy themselves like kids at Disneyland, on a surprisingly sunny day in a Chicago winter, Dean couldn’t help but feel a surge of gratitude for whatever brought this moment into their lives. Dean was surrounded by love, and that was a damn great thing.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Staying true to their plan, Cas had randomly pointed to a spot on a map while Dean had covered his eyes with both hands, laughing through the whole process when Cas pointed to the middle of Lake Michigan. They both agreed that didn’t count and Cas aimed again, ending on Lebanon, Kansas. Cas whistled. “That’s roughly a ten hour drive. Isn’t that close to where you went to school before?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah.” He smiled and dangled the keys in front of Cas. “Well… let’s hit the road.”

Cas grabbed their bags, and yes – he had secretly packed Dean’s bag too the night prior so they could leave on time, and he knew for a fact they had everything packed and nothing was forgotten. 

They wished Mary and John a good weekend alone when they went out the door, but Dean’s parents were only half listening, obviously already in their kid free celebration zone. They clearly didn’t want to interrupt it with long goodbyes. 

So when they were finally in the car, snacks and some Cokes on the backseat, and clothes in the trunk, Cas popped in Dean’s Led Zeppelin tape, and they were on their way. Their first vacation together, and Cas hoped it would be the first of many.

“So maybe if we’re in the area, you can show me where you went to school? I mean, only if you want to.”

Dean chuckled. “Why would you want to see that?”

“Because you’re my best friend and I want to know you.” Cas shrugged, not looking at Dean, in order to hide his embarrassment. He had realized too late that was probably something only a boyfriend would want to know.

“Alright. Hell, maybe we can stop by Ash’s place. You’d get to meet my Cas before I met the real one.”

He had no idea why he suddenly felt jealous about this Ash person. It was ridiculous. “So… he, um… were you two as close as we are?”

_Did you kiss him?_ Yeah, he didn’t want to be too direct.

Dean smiled and nodded. “Yes and no. He was my best friend, and we had a lot in common, but uh… not like how you and I are.”

Cas’s chest was still feeling too tight. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t make out with him.”

Cas let out a relieved exhale before he froze and realized that there was no way Dean didn’t see that. “Oh, I mean, okay, um… good to know.” The blush was back, Cas quickly bit his lip and looked out of the window. _Can you be more obvious, idiot?_

Dean chuckled. “It’s cute how jealous you are.”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "I'm not jealous." Even his own mind was mocking him for the obvious lie. "I just wanted to know… you know… if what we have is really… special."

Dean reached over and held Cas’s hand. “Of course it is.”

Cas flashed him a quick smile before he tentatively asked, "Was the boy you kissed at that party the only one you kissed before me?"

Dean nodded as he pulled onto the highway. “Yeah. You were my second kiss with a boy.”

Cas was happy that Dean didn't seem to have a secret old boyfriend at school. He knew Dean had had a girlfriend though. He had almost forgotten about her, but she suddenly filled his mind. What if they saw her and Dean... He shook his head before he looked over at Dean.

"Do you want to see your old girlfriend again? Cassie, right?" It was weird that their names were so similar.

“That’d be cool,” he said with a thoughtful hum.

Cas hated himself so much for suggesting it. What the hell was his problem? Was he suddenly into masochism? "Yeah, I mean, I bet you’ll be happy to see all your friends again, right?"

Dean nodded, flashing him an excited smile. “And I can’t wait for them to meet you.”

Cas returned the smile; Dean's excitement was infectious, and he was happy that he could make Dean happy. "So, tell me about them. Are they like you?"

That was met with an amused chuckle. “Ash is… he’s definitely a weirdo, but there’s no way to put him in a box. He’s kinda the epitome of a redneck, but he’s smarter than you and me combined.”

"What a weird combination," Cas murmured, trying to picture it, but coming up empty. "And he was your best friend?"

Dean nodded. “Yeah, he’d pissed off a drunk asshole stumbling home one night, ‘cause he worked as a busboy at the Roadhouse, and I just happened to be there when this old boy started beating the shit out of him. I rescued his ass, no matter what he tells you, and from that point on, we were attached at the hip.”

“Whoa, you had a wild life.” Cas chuckled, surprised and a little bit in awe of Dean.

“Not really. Ash just had a big mouth.”

"Did he get you in trouble a lot?" Cas asked with a grin.

“No more than I would’ve on my own.”

Cas nodded. "It's weird. I never thought I would be friends with someone like you. Someone who gets into trouble. I tried to play by the rules for so long..." He shook his head. "I was so naive, thinking my parents would start to like me when I became an all A student, doing everything they wanted. I think they always knew something was different about me."

Dean squeezed his hand and pulled it to his lips to press a kiss to his knuckles. “Well, fuck your parents. You’re the best person I’ve ever known, and it’s their loss that they never even tried to get to know you.”

Cas gave Dean a quick smile, rubbing his thumb over Dean's hand. “Yeah… I mean, I'm over it.” He knew that wasn't true, but he also knew at some point in his life, it hopefully wouldn’t matter anymore. “I just wanted to say that I love that you're so adventurous and brave. And that you show me stuff I didn’t think I could do.”

Dean flashed him a small smile as he nodded. “I’ll show you a whole new world.”

"I'm not your princess, Aladdin, and this is not a magic carpet." He chuckled.

“Says you. Come on, princess! Use your imagination.” Dean grinned broadly as he pointed at the horizon. “Who’s to say we aren’t over one of the seven wonders of the world?”

"You mean you'll show me the largest ball of twine?" Cas asked, playfully excited.

Dean laughed and grinned. “It’s on the way; if you really want to, then it’s a done deal.”

"It is?" Cas asked in surprise. "Is that like a real thing?"

“Oh, yeah, it really is. Welcome to Kansas,” he said with a chuckle, “where an enormous ball of twine is more real than acceptance of queers.”

"I don't even know what to say to that." Cas shook his head. "We live in a strange, strange world."

Dean nodded. “We sure do. So, grab the map and we’ll plot out adding that to the route.”

Cas pulled out the map from the glove box and looked at it with a frown. "So, where is the ball of twine?"

“In Cawker City,” he said as he merged into the passing lane. “Hell, depending on how far, we could probably look for a motel.”

“Yeah, that might be a good idea.” Cas let his fingers trail along the street on the map and tried to estimate the time. “It’s about a one hour detour.”

Dean shrugged. “I’m game if you are?”

Cas looked over at Dean and grinned. “Of course I’m in. Oh, man, do you think we will find a like… Norman Bates motel?” 

“Oh, I hope so.”

“Well, I will protect you. I could stand guard in front of the shower so no serial killer gets a jump on you,” Cas promised.

Dean chuckled. “That’s assuming he doesn’t come in through the window…”

“Oh, you’re right.” Cas waggled his eyebrows. “Probably better if we shower together then.”

“Well, if I’m gonna be murdered, I’m glad you’ll be by my side for it.”

Cas playfully slapped his shoulder. “Hey, I would defend you. And then I would get murdered too.”

Dean raised their joined hands and smirked. “We’ll sail off this cliff together?”

Cas squeezed Dean’s hand. “Exactly, Thelma.”

Dean chuckled and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “I’m glad you had this idea.”

“Me too.” Cas gave him a shy smile. He loved when Dean kissed his hand. “Our first vacation.”

“No grownups! No rules! Just us.”

Cas chuckled and leaned back against the seat. “I thought we were grownups now.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “Sure we are, Star Wars PJ’s.”

“Star Wars was invented by grown men,” Cas argued, crossing his arms over his chest. He grinned when he got reminded of something. “Did you smuggle your dildo into your bag this morning?” Because he was pretty sure he had seen Dean packing something in secret, and being suspicious about it.

“Is it smuggling if you caught me?” 

"I didn't see what you put in there. Am I right, though? It's your dildo?" Cas chuckled, shaking his head. "Is a weekend too long to go without it?"

Dean gently shoved Cas’s face away. “Shut up. And why so interested? You wanna borrow it?”

Cas wasn’t expecting that to blow up in his own face so quickly. He blushed, probably resembling a tomato, before he quickly looked out of his window. "Um, what? Um, no..." It was not like he _wasn't_ curious, but he had seen the hot pink monstrosity, and it was huge.

“Are you _lying?”_ Dean sing-songed.

“No," he answered slowly before he shrugged and admitted, "But maybe I am curious."

“I knew it!” Dean pumped his fist triumphantly.

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed deeply before he said, "I'm not sure if I am a fan of how big it is though. Isn't it… too much?"

Dean shook his head. “You just gotta get nice and stretched. And when you do… fuck, Cas. It’s seriously awesome.”

"Theoretically I know that..." Practically, he couldn't imagine having something that big in his ass. 

“Dude, if I can take it, then so can you. And I promise, the best orgasms are when your prostate’s being stimulated. Seriously.”

"How long did you need to… um, get it inside?" And he was not thinking about how long it would take to get his own dick into Dean. Nope, not at all.

Dean shrugged. “I’m sure it varies from person to person. And the last time said person had anal sex. It takes me longer to stretch when I haven’t fucked myself with it, or gotten fucked in a week or so. But when I use it daily, it takes about five minutes to get me ready? If that?”

The image of Dean using it daily made his cock twitch. "Mmh. I see. I’ve never… I’ve never had anal sex before, so… it would probably take a long time, right?"

“Definitely more than five minutes. It seriously depends on how easily you relax. Have you seriously never tried any ass play?” Dean asked, sounding genuinely surprised. 

"No, I did. But just with my fingers and… just one or two." He rubbed the back of his neck. "The last time was like, almost a year ago."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Did you just not like it?”

It was hard to explain. It wasn't like he _didn't_ like it, but he didn’t like it enough to bother trying again. "I don't know. Not enough to try it again. Maybe I'm doing it wrong... although, when I prepped, um, Luke, he seemed to like it a lot."

“Yeah, that’s weird that you’re good at prepping other people, but not yourself.” Dean hummed thoughtfully as he merged into the passing lane. “I mean, what were you doing to yourself?”

He shrugged, he genuinely had no idea what he did differently. “I used the same technique with my fingers. I seriously don’t know.” 

Dean furrowed his brow. “Weird.”

"Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's just different. Doing it for someone else to have sex?" He asked hesitantly.

“I don’t have any issues with it, and I’ve only ever prepped Rhonda.”

Yeah, that was definitely nothing Cas wanted to think about. He scratched his shoulder thoughtfully before he said, “Maybe I’m not into it.”

Dean shrugged. “Maybe you’re a natural born top.”

“I’m still curious though. So maybe not completely.” He at least wanted to try it before he would accept that he only liked being a top.

“If it’s not too weird, I could show you what I do?” Dean suggested, and Cas had to refrain from pinching himself to see if he was dreaming.

Cas cleared his throat, trying to sound cooler than he felt. “No, no, I mean why would it be weird? Only weird if we make it weird, right?” _Yeah, good job on not making it weird_ , his own mind mocked him before he shook his head and added, “I mean, I appreciate the help.”

Dean nodded, flashing him a small smile. “Alright. Maybe when we check into the motel we find for the night.”

His heart was beating way too fast, and he feared his voice would crack, so he just resorted to a quick nod as a reply. He occupied his hands by folding the map a little smaller, looking at the roads without seeing anything, because his mind was still busy with a mantra of Dean helping him out in a sexual way… he had no idea where this was going, but he didn’t care as long as it ended in a makeout session. He cleared his throat again, trying to sound inconspicuous, “Where should we make a stop?” 

“Figured we see where we are in a few hours and stop there? Get dinner, find a motel, and take a break from the road.”

“Sure, if you get tired, I can also take over for you, you know?” Cas suggested, folding the map over his lap so only the relevant part was showing.

Dean smiled and tapped his knee. “You’re cute, but no one drives Baby but me.”

"I had no idea you could be so possessive. But suit yourself if you wanna be my chauffeur." Cas chuckled and leaned forward, looking in his bag for a bag of gummy-bears. When he found them, he opened it and fed Dean a red one. Because Dean only liked specific colors. He loved the tingly feeling when Dean's tongue came into contact with his fingers.

Dean hummed in appreciation. “I don’t know what it is, but they’re so much tastier when they’re fed to you.”

“It’s ‘cause you always lick my fingers,” Cas replied dryly.

“Cocky.”

Cas waggled his eyebrows." Do you want another one?"

Dean chuckled. “Damn right I do.”

Cas tried a green one, knowing that they weren’t Dean’s favorite, making sure that this time his fingers didn’t come into contact with Dean’s tongue, even though Dean tried. “So, does this one taste better or not?”

The moment Dean chomped down on it, he pulled a face like a child. “Dick. You know I hate the green ones.”

Cas chuckled and held up his hands. "Okay, okay. I’ll give you another red one." He reached over to feed Dean a red one, again pulling back his hand quickly before Dean could lick his finger. "Better, worse, or the same?"

Dean shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe you should try to feed me with something other than your fingers.”

“Like what?” Cas asked with a frown. 

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Use your imagination.”

Cas scrunched up his nose, trying to come up with something, before he had an idea. He put a red gummy-bear between his lips and drew closer, quickly feeding Dean with his mouth, his lips brushing over Dean's for a second before he pulled back. "Like that?" he asked breathlessly, wishing that Dean wasn't driving so he could use his tongue as well.

“Mmm, much tastier,” Dean murmured.

"I would have used my tongue, but we want to get to Kansas alive, right?" He chuckled, he was completely unable to not be flirty with Dean.

Dean quirked his brow. “Could always pull over?”

His heart stumbled again. "Yeah, I mean, it's for science." Which was the cheapest excuse in the book, but whatever. It worked.

Dean nodded and looked over his shoulder as he pulled over on the dirt road next to some cornfields on the side of the highway. He turned the engine off and unbuckled his seatbelt. He licked his lips and gave Cas a pointed look. “No dirty tricks, so help you if it’s a white or green one.”

"I swear I will only use red and yellow." He painted an invisible X over his chest before he fished for the right colors inside the package with shaky fingers. He put a red one in his mouth and leaned over, getting lost in Dean's eyes for a moment before he kissed him, parting his lips with his tongue as he pushed the gummy-bear into Dean's mouth.

Dean groaned as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, clearly not even a little interested in eating the gummy-bear as he completely bent to Cas’s will; letting him lead, but urging him on in the way he responded.

Cas moaned into the kiss, pulling Dean closer and into his lap as he buried his fingers into his hair. Just to get a different angle for the kiss, nipping at Dean's lower lip and soothing it with his tongue.

He drew back for a moment to swallow the gummy bear before he dove back in, moving to grip Cas’s shoulders as he proceeded to explore Cas’s mouth.

Cas groaned and lifted his shirt, sliding his hands underneath to stroke over Dean's heated skin. His tongue playfully tangled with Dean’s before he pulled back a little, whispering, "I think you like my lips more than the gummy-bear."

“Caught me,” he breathed out as Dean pulled him in for another desperate kiss.

Cas chuckled against Dean's plush lips, incredibly happy with where this was going. He felt his dick growing hard as he wrapped his arms tighter around Dean, licking deeper into his mouth. 

Dean moaned as nodded into the kiss, delving deeper, with a need that vibrated through both of them, he was sure of it.

"Dean," he breathed out, pushing up his shirt to feel more of his skin.

“Cas,” he returned with a smirk as he followed Cas’s plan, tugging Cas’s shirt up a little desperately. His eyes immediately zoned in on Cas’s abs.

It made his cock twitch. He loved that Dean was attracted to his body. He quickly grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it over his head, so Dean would be able to see everything, before he pulled him into a heated kiss again.

Dean shifted slightly, angling himself to fall back, pulling Cas on top of him as his bowed legs bracketed around Cas’s hips. He never once broke their kiss.

Cas couldn't help but thrust his erection against him as he gasped into Dean's mouth.

Dean nodded into the kiss, his hands roaming Cas’s torso, slow and methodical, tracing the lines of his muscles with a groan.

Cas's hand slid down to Dean's shirt. Why was he still wearing a shirt? He wondered as he slowly lifted it, enjoying the feel of heated skin against his own.

And suddenly a loud tapping against the glass of the window behind Dean’s head startled them apart. They couldn’t see who it was, but the tell tale baton and navy blue uniform was enough of a clue.

_Fuck._ And Cas had no clue where his shirt was. "Um, fuck," he groaned out as Dean slowly rolled down the window.

“Uh… problem, Officer?” Dean asked as he rolled down the window.

A deep, gruff voice said, “Out of the vehicle. Both of you.”

_Damn,_ that sounded like trouble. And Cas still hadn't found his shirt. Not that he had time to look for it as he slowly exited the car, pondering if he should hold up his hands like in the movies. But he instantly felt ridiculous thinking that. The moment he saw the officer he was stunned. 

The guy was gorgeous. Looking all responsible and authoritative, like some kind of hero, and damn he was young. A lot younger than he would have imagined with that low of a voice. Fuck, the guy was really hot. Cas probably would have done anything the officer told him, and he had no idea why. It may have had something to do with how hot he was in that uniform.

When he removed his sunglasses, grey blue eyes met his gaze, the starting of a beard darkening his otherwise flawless complexion, and giving him an edge of ruggedness. “What’re you boys up to?”

And Cas hated how much his dick reacted to just the few words. He swallowed, probably turning red as a tomato. "Um, nothing, Sir. Just taking a break."

He stepped closer to Cas, slowly eyeing him up and down. “Shirtless?”

Cas looked down and swallowed. "It got hot..." An obvious lie. It was the middle of November, and it was so cold outside that his nipples were instantly hard.

The officer clicked his tongue and raked his gaze over Cas’s torso before looking at Dean, then back to him. “Things tend to get hot when you’re fucking in the backseat of a car.”

“We… we weren’t fucking, officer,” Dean said hesitantly.

The man barked out a laugh. He smirked at Cas. “Pity.”

Cas raised his eyebrow at the officer, who flashed him a flirty smile. He replied with his own as he stepped closer, biting his lower lip and giving the man an innocent look. “Are we in trouble, officer?”

That was met with an impressed eyebrow raise. He stepped closer, dragging his baton along the hem of Cas’s jeans. The officer arched his brow. “There’s no stopping on these roads.”

"Why is that?" Cas tried to sound as innocent as possible as he drew closer to the officer. His jeans were strangling his dick, and there was no way the officer didn’t notice his boner.

“Privately owned,” he said as he lowered the baton, “accidentally” grazing Cas’s cock. “So, not the place you stop for a quickie.” The officer purposely licked over his lips.

Cas's breathing hitched as he stepped even closer. "Is there anything we can do... it was an honest mistake and we didn't know."

The officer smirked and looked over at Dean again before turning back to Cas. He tongued his canine as he blatantly stared at Cas’s erection. “Like I said, not the place to stop for a quickie.” He nodded to the car and took a step back, “So, you two run along.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and gave the officer a shy smile. "Thank you, we’ll keep that in mind."

“You do that.” The officer put his sunglasses back on and nodded. “Stay outta trouble,” he said as he went back to his bike. 

Could that guy be any sexier? He hadn't noticed that he was still staring until Dean slapped his shoulder to get his attention. He gave Dean a sheepish look as he got back into the car again, breathing out heavily as soon as he closed the door behind him and buckled up. "Fuck,” he murmured. "That was one hot officer."

“Yeah, I could tell,” Dean said with an incredulous laugh.

“I seriously think I have a thing for people in uniform. That seriously worked for me.”

Dean quirked his brow as he started the car. “Clearly. You got really fucking flirty with him.”

Cas groaned and shook his head. "I tell you... I would have done anything that guy told me."

Dean let out a surprised sounding scoff. “Really?”

"Guess I found my weakness." Cas chuckled and shook his head. Men in uniform, well, he had a suspicion when he popped his first boner seeing a hot guy in a fire fighter uniform, but he had never guessed uniforms would work so well on him that he would turn into a willing slut for a guy.

Dean rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to the road. “I’m pretty sure he would’ve fucked you if I wasn’t here.”

"I know I said I wanted someone special for popping my anal cherry, but I would have totally said yes if he wanted to fuck me." Which was pretty weird, because this was the first time Cas had really felt that way. Of course he had wanted to have sex with other guys, especially Dean. But he had never imagined those guys fucking him. It was always the other way around. This was the first time Cas imagined himself in a more submissive role, and he liked it. Which came as a real surprise.

“Really?” Dean shook his head and let out a soft, disbelieving laugh.

“Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are. I usually never imagine myself in that role with other people. This is definitely a first.”

Dean hummed thoughtfully and kept his gaze on the road as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Cas asked after a moment. Dean looked like he was bothered by something.

“Nothin’.” 

"That was very convincing." Cas leaned forward to look at him. "Are you angry with me?" 

Dean furrowed his brow as he turned to look at him for a moment. “What? Why do you think that?”

Cas was hesitant. He was probably wrong. Just because they’d made out pretty heavily right before the police officer appeared, didn't mean anything, The last thing it meant was that Dean was a little jealous. _Wishful thinking._

Cas shook his head. "Nothing. You just looked upset for a moment."

“Nope. I’m fine,” he said as he flashed him a reassuring smile.

"Alright," Cas returned the smile before he quickly changed the subject. "I seriously wonder why they even put the white and green gummy-bears in the package. I mean, who likes them, really?"

He managed to get another smile for that, and to his relief the rest of the drive was filled with an easy conversation, the weird tension from earlier completely gone. 

It was evening when they stopped, having managed to drive over seventy percent of the route. Dean told him that he wasn’t tired yet, but he wanted to stop anyway, because his legs had started to cramp and his ass had fallen asleep. So they decided to stop for burgers before they looked for a motel. 

They took the first one they found, which was slightly better looking than Cas had imagined. It also didn’t radiate Norman Bates vibes, but he wasn’t sure if he was actually disappointed by that. They got a room with just one king sized bed, because they were used to sleeping in the same space. More often than not Cas had fallen asleep in Dean’s bed since he had moved in with them, and Dean had never complained. More like the opposite; he had used him as an extra pillow or blanket, and he seemed to be rather content with the situation. Cas intended to keep this arrangement for as long as possible.

He opened the room for the night and grinned when he nodded at the bed. “They said it has magic fingers.”

“Fuck yes,” Dean groaned appreciatively. 

Cas tried not to think about how much that innocent groan affected him. He’d been on the verge of sexual frustration since the make out session and seeing that cop.

At least now he had a fantasy, if he ever felt brave enough to try out Dean's pink monster dildo.

Dean dropped their duffel bags onto the floor. He leaped forward and dropped himself on the bed, spreading himself out like a starfish. “Get it for me?” he asked sweetly, eyes closed and a serene smile on his face.

Cas chuckled and put some change into the machine, stirring it to life. "If you didn’t imitate a starfish, two people could fit on that bed."

Dean opened his eyes for a moment and arched his brow in a challenge. “I’m sure you can find some space.”

Well, he had warned Dean. Cas shrugged before he climbed on the bed, draping himself over Dean in the same starfish manner.

Dean chuckled and shifted, pushing Cas onto his side, now the both of them facing each other. “Nice one.”

"I’ve learned to deal with your starfishyness. It's basic survival when sharing a bed with you," Cas replied dryly.

“What’s the point of having a bed that big and not try to use all of it?”

“The point is to share it with your loyal teddy.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. He scooted closer and cupped his cheek. “I guess you’re right.”

Cas leaned into Dean's hand and closed his eyes, enjoying the moment and the nice feeling of the vibrating bed under them. He only wished his stupid boner would go away, but he probably wouldn't have any luck in that area as long as the bed was moving.

Dean turned onto his back and sighed in contentment. “I needed this after that long drive.”

“I bet. Even my ass fell asleep.” Sadly his dick still wasn’t getting the memo to relax.

Dean chuckled. “Sleep sounds good.”

Cas sighed deeply. “Yeah, I want to take a shower before that, but I’m wiped… And too lazy to get up again.”

“Cas…” Dean whined, “Take my jeans off for me so I can sleep.”

Cas groaned out in protest, "I can't move!"

“But, Ca-a-a-as…” he whined even more pathetically.

Cas protested even louder before he braced himself on his elbows and opened Dean's jeans for him. There was nothing sexual about this. He had done it a million times before, because Dean was lazy and knew Cas would do it if he just whined enough. He pulled at Dean's jeans with a groan and threw them off the bed, before he let himself fall back on the bed, face first onto his pillow.

[ ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b8d5bc038d80eaa7fc273ba8d02b199f/aa7bc43f8ad93302-d7/s2048x3072/fc5d75202fc64189a3bdf8ac1bbd1409332b42e1.jpg)) ]

Dean hummed contentedly as he curled against his pillow. “You’re the best, Cas.”

Cas hummed into his own pillow, trying to wriggle out of his own jeans, which was never going to happen as long as he was lying on the bed like that. He even wondered if he should just give up when his jeans were only halfway down. He made a pitiful, “teddy-bear-crying-for-help-sound,” hoping Dean’s heart would melt and he would pull Cas’s jeans off for him.

Dean groaned in annoyance, but suddenly Cas felt his jeans being tugged off the rest of the way. 

"Thank you," he mumbled, before he blindly reached out for Dean to pull him closer.

Without hesitation, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas as he pulled the comforter over them.

Cas pressed his face against Dean's arm and inhaled deeply, feeling all of the tension seep from his body, just because Dean was close. He always slept better when Dean was with him. "Night, baby. Sleep well," he murmured, one foot already in La-La-Land.

“Night, _schnookums,”_ Dean whispered in a chuckle.

Cas scrunched up his nose. It took him a moment to realize why Dean had given him a teasing pet name. Had he really called Dean, “baby?” _Whoops._

"My lovely honey-bunny," he added, trying to play it off like it had been a joke all along.

Dean snorted, shook his head, and pressed a kiss to Cas’s forehead. “My sweet, sugar butt.” 

"You’re a sugar butt!" Cas retorted, realizing he really should sleep if that was his comeback.

Dean chuckled again, and he had every right to. Cas sighed contentedly, because there was no sound better to fall asleep to than Dean’s laugh.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Even with the detour to see the world’s largest ball of twine – and yes they absolutely did do the full-on tourist thing and took a picture in front of it – they made it to Lawrence in great time. It was a little past six in the evening when he drove across county lines. 

Dean flashed Cas a smile and said, “Welcome to where your best friend was born!”

"I think we're in Kansas, Toto." Cas actually took everything in, looking excited. Not that there was much to see except fields.

“Yeah, they finally got rid of the black and white. Now it comes in technicolor.”

Cas gave him a playfully serious look. "Oh, that's nice. How was it growing up in black and white? Was it hard?"

“It was nice enough, if a little narrow minded,” Dean said with a wistful sigh. He checked the clock again and knew where their next stop would be. “You hungry?”

“Yes.” Cas gave him a long look before he asked, “Did you ever get in trouble? Because you’re different?”

Dean shrugged. “No more than most weirdo kids, but… Dad taught me and Sammy how to fight. Not many people messed with us.”

"Did you have a lot of friends back here?"

“Just a few. Not sure if we’ll get a chance to see them.”

"I bet... Ash will be happy to see you?" 

Dean nodded. “I think so. I hope so.”

“You hope?” Cas raised his eyebrow. “I thought you said he was your best friend.”

Dean shrugged. “I, uh… I didn’t keep in touch as much as I should have.”

“Oh.” Cas gave him a wry smile. “That is, sadly, something that happens naturally when you move away. Life keeps happening. Your priorities shift.”

“Yeah, so if he’s not pissed, he should be happy.”

“I’m sure he understands.” Cas gave him a wink before he added, “If not, tell him you were busy getting laid. That usually works with my friends.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Further proof you have no idea what you’re in for with Ash.”

“I have a very difficult time imagining what the guy even looks like from your description. He sounds like an accumulation of things that shouldn’t fit together.”

“He really is.” Dean hooked a left at the crossroads and was proud of how much of the route he still remembered. “I think you’ll like him.”

“Well, he must have good taste if he likes you, so he can’t be a bad person.” Cas replied, looking out of the window instead of looking at Dean.

Dean playfully smacked Cas’s knee. “You’re gonna give me a big head one of these days.”

Cas chuckled and looked over at him for a moment. “I'm actually kind of glad you have no idea how awesome you are."

“Head’s getting bigger,” Dean teased.

“I’ll stop complimenting you when your head bumps against the car ceiling.” Cas looked up and chuckled. “There is still room left to tell you that you are the best friend anyone could wish for.”

“Dude, my best friend is Batman. I _so_ win that contest.”

"Hey, you can't use my secret identity as an argument." Cas protested and crossed his arms over his chest. "Especially ‘cause your Batman is also just a teddy in disguise."

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t remember that from the comics.”

“Of course not. It’s such a big secret, it never made it to the comics. I’m telling you because you’re my best friend… and because you found out all by yourself.” Cas gave him a puppy eye look. “Every time someone cute shares a bed with Batman, he turns into a teddy. It’s a curse, actually; to prevent him from ever having sex, and to be stuck in an endless circle of people that just cuddle him or use him as a pillow. It’s tragic and it’s sad. Probably also the reason it never made its way into the comics.”

Dean barked out a laugh. “And that’s why you’re my best friend.”

“Because I make up ridiculous crap?” 

“Yup!” Dean patted Cas’s knee.

Cas rewarded him with a happy grin. "I really enjoy this. I could never do this with anyone else. No one really got my kind of humor."

Dean flashed him a smile in return. “Well, no one ever got mine, so we were bound to meet and become best friends.”

Cas laughed. "You know, I really like Stephen. He is a really good friend. Always has been. But every time I tried to be ridiculous with him, he just looked at me like I had grown a second head. He is way too serious."

“So, why do you hang around with him?” Dean asked

Cas took a moment before he answered. "Because he was always there when I needed him. He is a good guy underneath the macho personality... I'm actually pondering if I should tell him... about me, you know?"

“You were so scared to tell him before. What’s changed?”

“Nothing. I’m still scared,” Cas admitted before he sighed deeply. “But I’ve known him since kindergarten, and I promised myself to be open about my life… I don’t want to hide who I am. I just need to be careful… because of Luke. I don’t want him to get in trouble because of me.”

Cas turned to him with a worried look. “I hope Stephen will still want to be friends after I tell him.”

“I hope so too, and if not? Fuck him. You still have me,” Dean said with a sincere smile. Because he meant it. He would always be there for Cas.

“It would still suck,” Cas murmured before he looked out of the window again. “I don’t know if I could continue to play basketball with him hating me.”

Dean reached over and held his hand. “Maybe wait ‘til the season’s over? I mean, you’ve only got a couple more games.”

Cas huffed out a laugh. "Yeah... maybe you're right. It's just that I feel like I'm lying to my friend."

“It’s not a lie. Just not providing the truth,” he countered. Even a big place like Chicago had its bigots. It wasn’t always safe to live your truth.

“I just hope… he won’t be pissed at me… for not telling, or for telling. Either way, I hope I don’t lose him as a friend.”

Dean gave him a reassuring smile. “Pretty sure if he can put up with your bad puns, he can deal with you liking dick.”

"My puns aren't that hard... bad... I meant bad."

Dean couldn’t hold back the bark of laughter. “Yes, they are.”

“You love them and you think I’m hilarious,” Cas stated, sounding very sure of himself.

“Sure,” Dean said with an exaggerated nod. 

“I knew it.” 

Dean shook his head. “You got me.”

“Always.” Cas waggled his eyebrows.

As Dean saw the turning for the Roadhouse, he flashed Cas a smile. “Oh, man. It’s like coming back to my home planet.”

“It doesn’t look that alien to me,” Cas said before he grinned at Dean. “Unless your friends are all gray and want to phone home.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Why are we friends again?”

“Because you think I’m hilarious, I’m your poster boy, and I am your teddy.” He held up three fingers. “Three very good arguments.”

Dean chuckled as he pulled into a parking lot he hadn’t seen in a couple of years. It was a little crazy. “I think I’m nervous, Cas,” he confessed as he came to a stop in a space at the back of the parking lot.

“I think that’s normal, Dean. You haven’t been here in years.” Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean’s wrist and squeezed. “I’m sure everything will be fine, and if it sucks… well, we can still go somewhere else. It’s our road trip.”

Dean took a deep, steeling breath and nodded. “I know.”

“I’m sure your friend will be happy to see you.”

Dean hoped that was true, but there was still that niggling of doubt. And while he wasn’t short on a fulfilling friendship with someone, it still would suck if Ash was pissed and didn’t want to stay friends. Not that he could blame him. “Come on,” he said as he opened the door. “Let’s see if he’s here.”

Cas followed him outside, giving him one last reassuring smile before they entered the Roadhouse. 

The damn place looked exactly the same. A pretty dilapidated bar, dark and dingy wood tables and chairs in a haphazard layout, discolored from bottle and glass rings. The regulars were already at the bar. Dean always wondered if they ever left. There was still the grimy jukebox in the corner, the most recent song in its catalogue from 1989, the dart board with missing darts, and two pool tables looking more and more worn.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Some things never change.

“That you, Dean Winchester?” a familiar, slightly southern lilt accompanied the almost demand.

Dean whipped around to come face to face with Ellen. She was Ash’s adopted mother and owner of the Roadhouse. “Ellen!”

“You remember my name!” Ellen replied sarcastically before she slapped the back of his head. “You don’t call, you don’t write.” She pulled him into a rough hug for a moment before she gave him a quick smile. “What are you doing here, kid?”

“My friend and I are taking a road trip before we graduate,” he said as he pulled Cas forward. “Ellen, meet Cas. Cas, this fierce tornado is Ellen. My second mom.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” Cas shook Ellen’s hand, polite as he was. Ellen gave Dean a surprised smirk.

“Likewise, Cas. Since when do you have polite friends, Dean?”

Dean shrugged. “I know, I know.” He looked down for a moment. “Is, uh… is Ash around?”

“He’s in his den of geek. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see your mug.” Ellen reassured him, like she could sense Dean was nervous about it. It didn’t really surprise him. That was probably some kind of Mom skill.

He nodded and grabbed Cas by the wrist to take him to the backroom. When they reached the door, Dean smiled at the familiar warning signs. Dean took a deep breath and knocked.

“Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted,” was the muffled reply. 

Cas chuckled. “It's the first thing Mulder said to Scully.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Well, at least Ash would like Cas. “Open up, loser,” he called out as he knocked again.

There was silence for a moment before the door was quickly torn open and Ash stood before him with wide eyes. “Dean?”

Dean couldn’t help the smile, Ash hadn’t changed at all; was even still rocking the mullet. “Hey, stranger.” He held his arms out for a hug.

Ash made a surprised sound before he quickly hugged Dean, clapping his shoulder before he drew back again. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re on a road trip, this is my friend Cas. Cas, this is the infamous Ash,” he said as he stepped to the side and waved between them.

Cas gave Ash a shy smile and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, um, hi.” Ash shook Cas’s hand and gave Dean a confused look. “Since when do you have polite friends?”

“Why is that so surprising to everyone?”

Ash laughed and pointed at himself before he asked, “So, you’re on a road trip from Chicago, and you decided to stop by? How long are you staying?”

“Just the night, hopefully we can hang out? Are you still friends with the old gang?”

“Yeah, of course. I'm not the one who left,” Ash replied in a sarcastic tone.

Dean gave him a pointed look. “I didn’t really have a choice, man.”

“Yeah, I know. Just giving you shit, man. You could call more often, you know?” Ash patted Dean’s shoulder. “Just need to get on the phone and I could ask them to get their asses over here.”

“I know, I suck. And hell yeah, call ‘em up!” Dean smiled at Cas.

Cas flashed Dean a quick smile before he followed Ash and Dean back to the bar. Ash grabbed the bar phone and dialed. Dean noticed that Cas was standing further away from him, which was weird. Usually they always gravitated towards each other, standing so close that they bumped into each other’s shoulders. For some reason, Cas seemed to be keeping his distance now.

Dean quirked his brow at Cas before he joined Ash behind the bar, grabbing a couple of glasses for them. “You want something, Cas?”

Cas sat down on a bar stool, bracing his chin on his palm. “A Coke.” 

Dean chuckled and started playing bartender. “You new around here?” He asked in a southern drawl.

Cas gave him a playful, flirty smile. “Yeah, just rolling through. Thought this was a nice spot to stay for a little while.”

“Drifter, huh?” He asked as he slid the glass of Coke to Cas.

Cas took a sip before he gave Dean a nod. “Like a leaf on the wind.”

Dean leaned against the bar. “Doesn’t that get lonely?”

“Very.” Cas sighed, leaning closer before he flashed Dean an intense look. “I’ll settle down when I find the right person.”

“How are you gonna find them if you’re always on the run?”

Cas looked at his soda. "I've heard if you meet the right person, you just know. You know they are the one you want to keep in your life, no matter what."

Dean couldn’t help but smile. “Well, here’s to hoping you find that person.”

“Pretty sure I already did,” Cas mumbled into his Coke.

That was something he definitely understood. Maybe soul friends were a thing, because Dean couldn’t imagine his life without Cas, or more so, he didn’t _want_ to. “Ash?” 

"Duh." Cas rolled his eyes theatrically. "Obviously. That haircut is really doing it for me."

Dean barked out a laugh and chucked Cas’s chin. “I better be best man at the wedding.”

“I thought you would want to be a flowergirl.” 

“Cute,” Dean clipped before blowing him a kiss.

Cas pretended to grab the kiss out of the air, before he put it in his pocket. “I’m collecting them for the bad times.”

Dean leaned over the bar and whispered, “You can have real ones during bad times too.”

Ellen appeared out of nowhere and smacked Dean upside the head. “I don’t care how much we missed you, you know the rules.”

Dean pushed himself back onto his feet with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Ellen.”

“What rules?” Cas mouthed at him.

Dean chuckled at the impressive eyebrow quirk from Ellen. And in a soft southern drawl, he recited, “This ain’t a strip club, only things allowed on my bar are drinks.”

Cas leaned closer to Dean. "What a shame."

“What is?” Ash asked as he stepped next to Dean, clearly done making his calls.

“That we can’t stay longer,” Cas lied pretty smoothly.

Dean smiled and looped his arm over Ash’s shoulder. “So, how’ve you been?”

"Ah, you know me. I get by. How's the big, bad city treating you?" He looked over to Cas. "I see that you replaced me successfully." Dean knew Ash was only joking. He didn’t have a jealous bone in his body.

“He’s almost as weird as you,” Dean teased as he hip checked Ash.

Ash gave Cas a critical once over. "He doesn't look weird."

" _'He'_ is sitting right in front of you," Cas said. 

Dean chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Cas, tell Ash about that show you like. With Sculder and Mully, right? Something about aliens, or fairies?”

Cas's eyes widened. "You did not just say Sculder and Mully!" 

"Heathen." Ash hit the back of Dean's head before he gave Cas a thumbs up. "You're okay, buddy."

Dean smirked at his old friend. “Told ya’.”

"So, um, talking about awkward moments, and your old best friend meeting the new one... Cassie is on her way." 

At that, Dean’s stomach dropped. While things didn’t end on a sour note, it wasn’t great when Dean told Cassie they were moving. Dean told Cassie he loved her. She broke up with him. It kind of broke him. Hence the silent treatment he gave his dad. Not that it was Dad’s fault that the first person (outside of his family) he said he loved didn’t feel the same… But he’d needed someone to blame, and his dad was the most obvious choice.

When Cas tilted his head, that damnably cute head tilt, Dean couldn’t help but relax. Dean had instantly stopped being pissed with Dad the moment he met Cas. With a soft sigh, he nodded. “She still pissed at me?”

Ash shook his head. "She, um, actually, she has a new boyfriend. Oh, and Ron is coming over, too."

Dean felt relieved, and that was pretty damn weird. Maybe it was the excitement of seeing Ron again. “How’s uh… He’s been okay, right?” is what he asked, ‘People didn’t start fucking with Ron again now that he wasn’t there to have Ron’s back, right?’ Is what he meant.

“Actually, Cassie is looking after him, believe it or not.”

That wasn’t surprising, Cassie was nothing if not protective. And not just over people she cared about, but people who were targets of bullshit, bullying crap. Dean smiled and clapped his hand on Ash’s shoulder and couldn’t stop the wash of guilt he felt for being MIA, for being a shitty friend. “I’m sorry I didn’t call over the last year. I don’t really have a good excuse.”

Ash looked over to Cas, who fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt, not looking at them. “Hey, I’m your friend, Dean. I’m happy you didn’t call every day to cry in my ears. Your going MIA only meant you were happy, right? I can’t be angry about that.”

Dean couldn’t stop himself from yanking Ash in for another hug. “You’re the best, Ash.”

“Yeah, I know.” Ash laughed and slapped Dean’s shoulder before he beamed at them. “So, what do you wanna do as long as you’re here?”

Dean shrugged and looked at Cas. “I don’t think we got that far with our planning.”

“You wanted to show me your old school,” Cas reminded with a soft smile. 

Talk about picking up where he left off. The last night he spent here, they all hung out on the playground of the middle school that was connected to the high school. “Whaddya say? We could all head over there?” he asked Ash.

“Sure, let’s just wait a mom–” Ash was interrupted when the door suddenly opened and Ron and Cassie walked in. Cassie was just as hot as he remembered.

She gave Dean a charming smile before she hugged him in greeting. “Hey, Dean, I can’t believe you’re here.”

Dean shook his head in amazement. “Heya, Cassie. Me either.” He was getting a little lost in those beautiful brown eyes again. Like nothing had changed.

Cas cleared his throat, looking weirdly... stoic. "Hi, I'm Cas."

With a chagrined laugh, Dean took a step back from Cassie and pointed to her. “Cas, this is Cassie. Cassie, Cas.” Dean shook his head. That was even weirder saying it out loud.

Cassie started laughing, giving him a disbelieving, wide eyed look. "I'm sensing a pattern here, Dean."

Cas scoffed before he raised an eyebrow. "I think our names might be the only similarity."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, giving Cas a surprised look. He held his finger up at his old friend-group, before he gently pulled Cas away from all of them, lowering his voice as he said, “Dude. The hell crawled up your ass?”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, giving him a sheepish look. "I'm sorry, Dean. I... I actually have no idea. I don't feel very well. Maybe too much soda."

“Bullshit, you mainline coffee.” Dean looked back at Cassie and gave her a reassuring smile before focusing his attention back on Cas. Suddenly there was this awful thought in his head. “Is… is it a race thing?”

"What?" Cas furrowed his brow before his eyes widened as he seemed to get Dean's question. "What? Fuck no, Dean! Why are you even asking that?"

Dean raised his hands. “Dude, I had to check. You’ve never been shitty with any person I’ve introduced you to. Then that shit with Cassie. I wanted to make sure you aren’t secretly one of the villains from most kid’s movies in the eighties.”

"I thought you knew me better by now," Cas replied, sounding disappointed. He looked down at the floor and shook his head. "It's nothing. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Dean wasn’t having it. Something was up and Dean needed to know what was going on. He gently grasped Cas’s chin to tilt his head back up. “Cas. Talk to me.”

Cas didn't meet his eyes and shrugged him off before he breathed out, "It's stupid... I don't want you to be angry with me."

With a nod to Ash, silently communicating they would be right back, Dean urged Cas outside. He pulled Cas around the side of the Roadhouse and folded his arms over his chest as he looked at his best friend. “They can’t hear you. Be upfront with me.”

Cas took in a deep breath, still not looking at Dean as he mirrored Dean's stance and leaned against the wall. "You told me so much about Cassie. How she broke your heart. I... I guess I kind of resent her for that. For hurting you. I know it's stupid."

Dean let out a soft laugh and shook his head. He stepped in and cupped Cas’s cheeks. “You don’t have to protect me from my exes. But it’s sweet you feel you do.”

Cas leaned against his palm, giving him a wry smile. "You don't think it's super annoying and stupid?"

“No, but cool it with Cassie. She’s good people. I did love her once.”

Cas scratched the back of his neck. "But you and her... that is over now, right?"

Dean chuckled. “You jealous or something?”

For a moment Cas hesitated and swallowed visibly, before he shook his head. "Of course not. Why would I be jealous?"

“You are,” Dean teased as he pinched Cas’s cheek. He leaned in and whispered, “Don’t worry. You’re the better kisser.”

Cas shoved him playfully, but Dean could see the flushed cheeks and the grin. “You’re just saying that.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “I never jest about kissing.”

Cas gave him a smile so bright, it would make the sun envious. “Oh… okay, um, good to know. Not that I was jealous… but yeah, good to know.”

Dean took a quick look around to make sure the coast was clear before he pressed a quick kiss to Cas’s lips. “Let’s go try that introduction again, okay?”

Cas gave him a shy smile and nodded. "Yeah, okay. Thank you for not... you know, tearing me a new one."

“Why would…” And he stopped, because clearly that was something that had happened to Cas in the past. Dean shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, you’re my best friend, and I know how you are.”

There was a hint of sadness in Cas's smile as he nodded. "I promise to behave now. No more growling at the ex-girlfriend."

“Alright then, if you’re very good, I’ll buy you an ice cream.”

“You want to bribe me with ice cream?” Cas leaned closer. “I think you can do better than that.”

Dean sighed dramatically. “Fine, ice cream and a makeout session when we’re alone next.”

Cas chuckled before he gave him a charming smile. “Deal. Thank you for being so self-sacrificing.”

Dean straightened an invisible tie. “What can I say? I’m noble like that.”

“Very noble, I’m so impressed right now,” Cas deadpanned as they reached the door.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Of course Cas was jealous. He hated Cassie. Especially the way Dean looked at her like she was the most beautiful creature on earth, and how Dean seemed to get lost in her eyes. He also hated that he felt jealous. This was something he would have to get used to. Dean would meet a girl, he would fall in love with her, and then Cas wouldn’t be the most important person to him anymore. It was only natural. Girlfriends trump best friends. That was the rule. 

Cas was sitting on the swingset, after Dean had shown him his old school, trying to put on a happy face to hide what was really going on behind the mask. He really would have enjoyed the tour of Dean’s old school a lot more if Cassie hadn’t pointed out all their old make out spots. Cas thought he should win an Oscar for his performance, laughing at “funny” stuff she said, and being extra kind with his answers. 

He wasn’t sure he was fooling Dean though. He sometimes gave him weird looks, but he was pretty sure the others didn’t notice. They didn’t know him as well as Dean did.

He really liked Ash and Ron though. They both had a fair share of the same interests as he did, so he tried to concentrate on them as they discussed the latest X-Files season on the swingset, and how they would resolve Scully’s terminal cancer.

But his eyes couldn’t stop from straying to Dean and Cassie, who were sitting in the sand together.

“Stare any harder and you’ll burn a hole in them,” Ash said with a soft laugh.

Cas quickly looked away from them before he turned to Ash, giving him a sheepish smile. "I'm not staring." Yeah, even in his ears that sounded stupid.

Ash laughed and nodded. “Dean _is_ dreamy,” he said in an exaggerated tone.

"Shut up." Cas scoffed, but he grinned at Ash. "And maybe I'm not staring at Dean." 

“Cassie is dreamy, too.” 

Cas shrugged. "Yeah, she looks... nice. But you said she has a boyfriend, right?"

Ron was the one who piped up then, “Yeah, but he’s not Dean.”

“Too right you are, brother.”

_And the award for most unhelpful comment goes to Ron and Ash._ Cas sighed before he pushed his feet against the sand and started to swing. "Well, Dean is already taken, so..."

In that moment, Dean tucked Cassie’s hair behind her ear, flashing her a charming smile.

Ash barked out a laugh. “Does he know that?”

“Fuck,” Cas murmured before he could stop himself. He cleared his throat before he called out to Dean, jumping off the swing. “Dean, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Dean looked a little confused, but moved to stand up, giving Cassie a reassuring smile before he approached Cas. “What’s up?”

He walked over to the seesaw, and out of earshot, before he leaned over towards Dean. “Are you flirting with Cassie?” He tried to make his question sound casual.

Dean quirked his brow at him. “And if I was?”

“I thought she had a boyfriend… and what about Rhonda?” Cas replied, not liking Dean’s answer at all.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You hate Rhonda.”

He did. But Rhonda somehow felt less of a threat than Cassie. Dean had never told him that he loved Rhonda. Cas shrugged and kicked away some loose stones on the ground. “Yeah, so?”

“Dude, what’s your deal?”

“What’s my deal?” he asked incredulously. “What’s yours? We’re only here for a day. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Dean shook his head at Cas, letting out a soft laugh. “Flirting doesn’t mean anything, Cas. I flirt with everyone.”

“But not everyone you flirt with is a person you love or loved once.” Sadly, he knew he also belonged in this category.

Dean folded his arms over his chest. “Cas. For one, Rhonda and I aren’t really a thing anymore. We’re back up fuck buddies, basically. And even if Cassie and I hooked up tonight, it’d only be a one time thing, because we live so far away from each other. No chance of me getting hurt again.”

Cas looked down and bit his lip before he asked, “So, that’s what you want? A one night stand with her?”

“Dude, Cas, I don’t know. We haven’t seen each other in years, she’s still a fuck ton of fun to talk to, we’re just catching up,” Dean said, giving Cas an incredulous look, “and if it leads to us hooking up, I wouldn’t say no.”

Cas swallowed thickly before he simply nodded. A familiar weird feeling spread out through his chest, and he felt empty and numb, something he welcomed in that moment. Feeling nothing was better than feeling this horrible fear of losing Dean to someone else; of feeling the rejection of not being enough, or being good enough to be loved and be with, instead of some girl. “Yeah, well, I guess, good luck then? I’ll try not to get in your way.”

Dean furrowed his brow, gently grasping Cas by the wrist. “Cas? Come on, don’t be like this.”

“Like what?” Cas asked, trying to give him a smile.

Dean looked back at his friends before turning to Cas again. “Why don’t you go talk to Cassie? I’m gonna catch up with Ron.” And instead of waiting for an answer, Dean went back to Ash and Ron by the swingset.

_What the fuck?_ He didn’t want to talk with Dean’s ex. Cas tried to push down his negative feelings as he walked up to Cassie, sitting down in front of her in the sand. He had promised Dean he would be nice. He could do that. “Hey,” he greeted awkwardly.

Cassie smiled at him and offered the space next to her in the sand. “Hi.”

Cas slid over to the free space as he started to build a pile of sand in front of himself, just so his fingers had something to do. “Um, sorry that I was an asshole before.” It wasn’t her fault that he was jealous. But did she really need to look that attractive? 

“It’s okay, just means you care about Dean,” she said with a sweet smile. Cassie leaned forward and drew a heart in the sand with a twig. “I remember what it was like, being in love with him.”

Cas tried to ignore the implication. “I heard it didn’t end very well. Sorry. I mean… you don’t have to talk to me about that.”

Cassie shrugged. “I didn’t realize how much I loved him until he told me they were leaving.” She looked over at Cas as she sat forward, elbows braced against her knees. “I mean, it’s not like he had control over it or anything, but the thought of losing him… I mean, you get it.”

_Ugh, why did she have to be so nice and perfect?_ She really didn’t make it easy to hate her. “Well, he’s my best friend. I hate it when he gets hurt.”

“And I’m sorry I hurt him, but… he’s doing just fine,” she said as she gave him a pointed look.

Again with the implication. “I’m just his best friend.” And if he sounded disappointed about that, he hoped Cassie didn’t notice.

Cassie looked at him for a moment, expression unreadable before she shrugged and started doodling more things in the sand. “Wanna know what we were talking about?”

He really _didn’t_ wanna know. It had looked like they had flirted, and just the thought made his stomach turn. Still, his mouth had a masochistic streak. “Sure.”

She turned to look at him again. “You.”

Cas raised his eyebrow and leaned back. “Me?” Why would they talk about him?

Cassie chuckled and returned her attention back to the sand art. “He wouldn’t shut up about you. ‘Cas this,’ and ‘Cas that.’ Even when I changed the subject, he always managed to bring you back into the conversation.”

Cas couldn’t hold back the smirk, even though he tried. “We’re very close.” He shrugged, and he knew his voice sounded particularly gleeful. 

That was met with an eyebrow quirk. “I can tell.”

“I also live with his family. They have kind of adopted me,” Cas added with a smile, before he started to draw his own art in the sand. “We also plan to live together after school.”

“Yeah, he was saying. Said you turned down an Ivy League school to stay in Chicago.”

“There are more important things in life than school. And I like Chicago.” Cas explained, still glowing from the knowledge that Dean had only talked about him to his ex. 

Cassie hummed noncommittally. “And If Dean chose to go to school somewhere else?”

For a moment he didn’t know how to answer her question. He pursed his lips and gave her a long look before he just answered honestly, “I would go with him.”

Cassie smiled at him. “Dean’s a lucky guy.”

Cas gave her a head tilt. “What do you mean?”

“To have someone willing to stick by him no matter what.”

“You don’t find a best friend every day,” Cas replied thoughtfully, piling up more sand in front of him before he tried to mold it into a tower.

Cassie laughed. “You know it’s okay you love him? Too much hate in this world, so don’t push that away.”

Cas chose not to answer that. Instead he asked, “Do you still love him?”

“Am I in love with him, you mean?”

“Yeah.” Cas nodded before he pulled his knees up to his body and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin against them and looked at Cassie, waiting for her response.

Cassie appeared thoughtful for a moment before she shook her head. “No. But he was my first real boyfriend. First boy I ever kissed. He’ll always have a place in my heart, I think.”

Well, that didn’t sound like she was planning on stealing Dean away. Not that Dean belonged to him, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling, no matter how stupid it was. “Yeah, first one is always special, I guess.” He gave her a smile. The first that was really genuine.

Cassie nodded. “Dean, uh… Dean told me what happened to you. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Cas felt a little bit embarrassed that Dean had told that to someone Cas barely knew. So Cassie knew he was into guys. No wonder she kept implying that he was in love with Dean. “I’m not sorry. At least now I can be who I am. My boyfriend didn’t have that luxury.”

He hoped mentioning Luke would throw her off the trail. The last thing he needed was her telling Dean that Cas was totally in love with him.

“That’s so shitty. Like I said, too much hate in the world. At least we have goofy dumbasses like that to make it seem not so shitty,” Cassie said as she pointed to where Dean, Ash, and Ron were.

Dean was piggybacking on Ron, the two of them pushing Ash towards the jungle gym, Dean belting out, “We are the knights who say, ‘Ni!’”

Cas watched Dean with a smile, shaking his head. “The keepers of the sacred words” were trying to find their way through the shrubbery. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “He makes everything better.”

Cassie smiled. “How can a guy seem so mature and so immature at the same time?”

"I have no idea, but I love that about him," Cas replied without thinking. _Oops. Fuck!_ He gave Cassie a wide eyed look. "I mean, in a totally platonic kind of way."

That was met with a soft laugh. “I won’t tell him, if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s not my truth to tell.”

Cas gave her a long look. “Can I trust you on this?”

Cassie crossed an invisible X over her heart. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Cas let out a shuddering breath and nodded. Even if she did tell Dean, he would just deny it. No one would destroy his friendship with Dean. “Good. I don’t want to lose him as my best friend.”

“I don’t think you will. I’ve never heard him talk about anyone like he does about you.”

Cas couldn't help but give her his second genuine smile. "You're pretty cool."

Cassie returned the smile. “Don’t fall in love with me, though. Dean would be jealous.”

Cas laughed and shook his head. “Dean wouldn’t get jealous. First of all, he isn’t in love with me, and second of all, he never gets jealous.” He tried not to let his heartbreak show by saying it out loud. He felt pretty pathetic that he still wasn’t over Dean after knowing him for so long now.

“Yeah, he’s weirdly well adjusted.”

“I’m very envious of that. I think it’s because he has like the best parents in the world.”

Cassie laughed and nodded. “Mary let us all ditch once, and took us to Joyland in Wichita. She even pretended to be all our moms to get us out of school. Ron’s parents _hated_ the Winchesters.”

Cas couldn't help but laugh at that. "Yeah, they are very unconventional. And they have a lot of love to give. I'm grateful they kind of adopted me. I'm not sure where I would be now without them."

She leaned over and braced her hand over his. “I am so sorry. It’s hard to see silver linings when people who are supposed to love you, don’t.”

Cas was taken aback by that. He gave Cassie a long look before he said, “Yeah, sometimes… um, you sound like you’re talking from experience.”

Cassie let out a mirthless laugh. “My mom’s parents didn’t like the fact that she fell in love with a black man, they didn’t disown her, but they treated her and my Dad like shit. When I was six, we spent Christmas with them and all of the grandkids got some insane gift; a television, video game system, whatever. I got a mammy doll; a practical joke, I guess. My parents were fine with being treated like shit, but when they started doing it to me… Sometimes you’ve gotta cut out the cancer yourself.”

Cas turned his hand around under hers and squeezed it. “I’m sorry. Sometimes people just suck. And I think it doesn’t matter if they are blood related or not. Bad people are just bad people. Family doesn’t have to be blood related, they are the people who love you just the way you are.”

“Like goofy boys with green eyes,” she said with a soft laugh, squeezing his hand in return.

Dean galloped over to where they were sitting, and proclaimed, “I am Arthur, King of the Britons.”

"Ni!" Cas replied with a smirk before he added, "You know you have to appease me and the Lady with some shrubbery."

Dean charged forward and pulled Cas up and over his shoulder, walking off with a proud, “Appease my ass, I’ll just kidnap you.”

Cas shrieked playfully, holding out his arms in Cassie's direction. "Save me, oh, brave lady knight!"

Cassie stood up and suddenly Ron did the same with her, carrying her in the other direction. “I have failed you, my friend!” Cassie called out before dramatically collapsing over Ron’s shoulder.

It was hard to stop laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, and he was sure he wasn’t making it easy, laughing his ass off while Dean was carrying him. “Where on earth are you taking me, King Arthur, ruler of the sexiest ass I have ever laid eyes on?”

Dean carried him behind the portable classroom and dropped him to the ground, pulling him in for a quick kiss. 

Cas instantly wrapped his arms around him to keep him close, before he gently pushed him against the wall behind them, drawing him into another kiss. When he leaned back he grinned at Dean. "Hey."

Dean grinned. “Howdy, stranger.”

"Stranger, huh? Do you kidnap and kiss all strangers you meet?" Cas replied, playfully nudging his cheek with his nose.

“Just the cute ones,” Dean murmured as he dove in for another kiss.

Cas gasped into it, his heart missing a beat before it started to pace really quick, making him dizzy and breathless. Cas licked into Dean's mouth, burying his fingers into Dean’s hair, as he pushed him against the wall with his whole weight, losing himself in the moment. Dean could always make him forget the whole world around him.

Dean gasped and gently pushed Cas back. “Gotta be careful in this part of the country.”

Cas instantly felt guilty for being so thoughtless. “Sorry, Dean. I didn’t think.”

Dean shook his head. “I started it.”

Cas gave him a shy look before he stepped closer again. “So, why did you kidnap me and bring me here?”

“Just wanted to show you how grateful I am that you’re trying with Cassie,” he said a little sheepishly.

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, feeling ashamed and guilty that he had acted so stupid and jealous before. “I’m glad I did. You’re right. She is pretty cool.”

Dean grinned. “I told you.”

“Yeah, you did. Sorry… I really am sorry for being so stupid sometimes.”

Dean cupped his cheek. “You’re still my best friend.”

Cas gave him a bright smile and nodded. He was happy they had taken this trip together. Cas had a feeling he had learned a lot more about his best friend, now that he had met his friends and saw where he grew up.

But it wasn’t just that. He also felt a lot more secure now about his friendship with Dean. Because what they had… this was special. And Cas was more sure than ever that nothing would ever come between them.

**….. :::: :::: ….**

Prom was happening the upcoming weekend. And graduation would be fast approaching. Dean had been feeling more and more overwhelmed with all of the changes coming up. The reality was that, while Cas had a fuck ton of choices in schools, Dean still had no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

His mom convinced Dean to just start at community college and not stress too much over it for now. But Dean did, and he did because he was worried that Cas was going to eventually get bored with Dean when he started making fancy new friends who were probably smarter than Dean.

So when Rhonda offered to help him relax, he jumped on the opportunity. He had assumed that she meant sex, but it turned out her cousins had started growing weed, so she scored him some. She had given him the baggy and wished him luck.

The problem was Dean had never smoked weed. So he found himself in the bathroom he, Cas, and Sammy shared, failing miserably at trying to roll a joint. How the hell did Cheech and Chong make it seem so easy?

When the door slammed open, Dean scrambled frantically to hide everything, then scowled when he was met with his little brother’s guffawing. “Sammy! You bitch!”

“Woah, why are you so bitchy? Are you on your period?” Sam asked before he squinted his eyes at him. “What are you doing?”

“Close the damn door and I’ll tell you,” he snapped as he tried to reorganize the joint-making station.

Sam quickly closed the door and knelt before him on the floor, looking curiously at what Dean was doing. “Is that… what I think it is?”

Dean nodded as he proceeded to try and roll a new joint, since he ripped the paper of his first one. “Yeah. Rhonda said it’d relax me.”

“Have you ever tried it?” Sammy asked, way too curiously.

Dean shook his head, trying to wrap the paper around the large chunks. How the fuck are joints so smooth in movies? “No, and I don’t understand how anyone can roll a friggin’ joint.”

“Do you want me to help you? I mean, how hard can it be?” Sam asked, giving the paper a thoughtful look.

Dean shrugged. “Sure, if you think you can do it,” he said as he handed Sam the tray.

Sam took one of the papers and swiped his hand over it to straighten it, before he carefully put some weed into it with a concentrated look on his face. When he tried to roll it, the paper crinkled and caved in, causing the weed to slip out again on one side. “It looks so simple on TV.”

“That’s what I’m saying! I don’t get it,” he grumbled, “how does anyone smoke weed?”

Suddenly the door was slammed open and Dad was standing in the doorway with a pretty pissed off expression. “What do you boys think you’re doing?”

Dean grabbed the tray from Sam’s hands. “Nothing,” he murmured as he frantically tried to hide the drugs.

“First you roll joints in the bathroom with your little brother, and then you lie to my face? I raised you better than that, Dean!” Dean hadn’t seen his father this pissed in a long time. “You hand that stuff over now, and you’re both grounded!”

Sammy looked like he was about to whine, but Dad’s expression shut that down as he slinked back to his room. 

“Dad, look, Sammy didn’t know, he was just… you should just ground me.” Dean sighed as he resealed the bag and handed it to his dad.

“I heard you guys talking, Dean. You’re both grounded,” Dad replied sternly, his arms crossed over his chest. “Sam is fourteen, Dean. What the hell were you thinking? And then lying to me? I’m so disappointed in you.”

Dean cringed internally and externally. He nodded and couldn’t quite meet his Dad’s gaze. “How long are we grounded?”

“Two weeks,” Dad growled. “And that’s me being generous.” He grabbed Dean’s chin so he would look at him. “It’s not that I’m angry about the weed. You’re basically grown, and I was young too at one point. But I’m angry that you pulled Sam into this, and that you lied to me.”

Dean nodded, biting his lip to stop it from trembling. “What about prom?”

“Which part of ‘you’re grounded for two weeks’ was unclear?” Dad replied angrily before he turned around and left the bathroom, grumbling something that sounded like he needed a beer.

_Fuck!_ And he and Cas promised they’d go stag together. Dean made his way to his room, doing everything in his power to not kick or punch things along the way. Cas was going to be so pissed at him, and Rhonda by proxy, for ruining this weekend for them. He sighed as he collapsed against his bed, just staring up at the ceiling.

Rhonda lied; that shit didn’t relax him, it got him even more stressed, and now he was friggin’ grounded. He couldn’t remember the last time either of them got grounded.

He hadn’t realized how much time had passed until his door opened and Cas stumbled into his room, looking out of breath, still in his shorts and jersey. He had spent the late afternoon with Stephen, obviously playing basketball. “Hello, Dean,” he breathed out before he frowned and knelt on the side of his bed. “What’s wrong?”

Dean groaned and braced his forearm over his eyes. “I’m grounded for two weeks.”

There was silence for a moment before Cas stammered, “W-what? How did that happen?”

Dean slowly moved his arm to look at Cas. “Dad caught me and Sammy trying to roll a joint.”

Cas’s eyebrow shot to his hairline. “Okay… I don’t know what to say to that. Why was Sammy there? Did he bring that stuff home?”

Dean gave him a pointed look, silently communicating with his best friend to think about what he just said. 

Cas seemed to get it when he nodded. “Oh, you did. But why did you bring it here? If you do something forbidden, you have to do it somewhere you won’t get caught. Have you learned nothing from my mistakes?”

Dean sighed. “I didn’t think it’d take so long, and Dad wasn’t home when I first brought it in and, man… I’m sorry, Cas. I can’t go to prom now.”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face with a sigh before he gave Dean a long look. “Then I guess we need to have a nice time at home instead.”

Dean sat up and shook his head. “Nah, man. You should still go. Just ‘cause I’m a dumbass, doesn’t mean you should have to miss out on the fun.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. “I won’t have any fun if you aren’t there.”

Dean rested his hand palm up on the bed, a silent request to hold hands as he gave Cas a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up.”

Cas grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “It’s alright. I still love you,” he replied with a smirk.

Dean chuckled and nodded. “I know,” he quipped. While he knew how Cas meant it, Dean still didn’t know how to reply to the three little words when Cas occasionally let them slip. And mostly he felt weird about it since that sex dream he had of Cas. 

“Do you think we’re allowed to have our own prom party up here?” Cas asked with a soft smile.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe, if _you_ ask. Dad is super pissed. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so pissed.”

“Sure, I can ask.” Cas tilted his head before he added, “I had no idea your Dad was even able to get angry.”

“Me either,” he murmured before dropping himself against the bed again. “This would be easier to deal with if I was high.”

Cas gave him a pointed look. “Seriously? That’s what got you into this mess. Why are you so stressed, anyway?”

“Everything,” he mumbled against a pillow he grabbed and braced against his face.

A second later all the air was pressed out of his lungs, when Cas threw himself over him before he pulled the pillow away. “Everything, Dean? That’s a lot.”

Dean groaned at the weight of his friend, and let out a breathless laugh. “Got a lot on my mind.”

“Like what?” Cas asked, putting his complete weight on Dean now, trying to find a comfortable position.

“Like, oof,” he groaned as Cas accidentally elbowed him. “Dude, you’re not a cat.”

Cas kneaded his palms on Dean’s chest and started purring, before he sprawled himself out over Dean. “Teddy cat.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Dork teddy cat.”

“Meow.” Cas leaned up and purred into his ear. “You look like you feel a little better now. I can even see a smile.”

“Not fair, I wanted to be sad,” he whined playfully.

“It’s not my fault.” Cas laughed and nudged Dean’s cheek with his nose. “You just don’t have the skillset to be sad. You actually pretty much suck at it. It’s better you hear that harsh truth from me.”

Dean chuckled. “How can I be sad when I have a best friend like you, huh?”

Cas grinned brightly at him. “I don’t know.” He folded his arms over Dean’s chest and gave him a more serious look. “Talk to me? What’s on your mind?”

“I’m worried about being an adult, I guess,” he confessed.

Cas frowned at him. “Why?”

Dean shrugged. “You’re not worried at all?”

“Maybe a little, but… not really. We said that we’ll move in together when we leave school. As long as you’re by my side, I have nothing to worry about,” Cas replied thoughtfully.

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “And what happens when you start making smart, polite friends?”

“Then they’ll still have to wait, because you’ll always be my best friend and come first with me,” Cas replied simply before he gave Dean a shy look. “What about you? When you meet a girl?”

Dean scoffed. “You better be the best man at my wedding.”

Cas scrunched up his nose, looking away for a second. “Well, duh.”

Dean smiled. “Trust me, whoever I date has to be approved by you before I attempt to marry that person.”

“What if I never approve of anyone?” Cas asked with a playful smirk.

Dean shrugged. “Guess I’m never getting married.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “I think it’s more likely that you stuff me with felt and turn me into your real teddy if I get too annoying with every one of your new girlfriends.”

“Either way, I’ll never lose you.”

Cas made a playfully scared noise. “I knew you had plans to stuff me! Just don’t use feathers when you turn me into a pillow teddy.”

Dean groaned. “But that was exactly what I was planning to use.”

“No, you can’t use feathers. First of all, that would tickle, second I’m not an angel, and third… they would poke you during the night.” Cas had actually lifted a finger for each reason.

Dean chuckled and braced his hand on Cas’s face. “You’re too damn cute sometimes.”

Cas grabbed Dean’s waist before he turned them around on Dean’s bed, nearly causing them both to fall off the edge, if Cas hadn’t pulled him back and close to his body. “Look who’s talking, freckles.”

Dean rolled his eyes. He was never going to understand Cas’s fascination with his damn freckles. “So, you aren’t gonna disown me for ruining our plans for prom?”

“It’s not that important to me, Dean. If you had been there with me, it would have been, but now... I’d rather spend my time with you here,” Cas replied, and he sounded serious for a change. 

“But I know you were looking forward to it.”

“It’s alright.” Cas looked a little sad for a moment. “It’s not like I can go there as myself.” 

Dean held his hand. “Hey, if your fancy college has any dances, I’ll gladly be your date.”

“Really?” Cas gave him a quick smile. “You would do that?”

Dean chuckled. “Of course, besides, pretending to be boyfriends got us a lot of free stuff on my birthday, who knows what else it could do?”

“Hopefully the next time it will actually save you from weird surfer boys.” Cas sighed before he rested his head on Dean’s chest.

“At least he didn’t give me anything?” Dean suggested.

“Yeah,” Cas mumbled against Dean’s chest. “But I still feel like the shittiest pretend boyfriend in history for that.”

Dean snorted. “You aren’t responsible for who I choose to make bad choices with.”

Cas looked up at him with a tired smile. “I don’t feel responsible for you. I just wish I had paid more attention.”

“At this point, I just feel bad for ditching you.”

“Since I can’t even remember you ditching me, I guess it didn’t matter,” Cas replied thoughtfully.

Dean sighed. “Anyway. Wanna go ask Dad about prom night?”

Cas hummed affirmatively, but he didn’t move to get up.

Dean chuckled. “Or you could just fall asleep on me.”

“It’s your fault,” Cas murmured. “You’re too cozy, and I’m just a weak teddy-cat-pillow.”

With a contented sigh, Dean started carding his hand through Cas’s hair. “I’d take that as a compliment, if I didn’t know you find just about anywhere comfortable enough to sleep.” He fondly recalled the memory of Cas sleeping upright at the booth in the diner they went to on their way home from their road trip.

“My ability to sleep everywhere is no sign of quality for the surroundings. You are the coziest place in the world,” Cas replied, while yawning throughout the sentence.

Dean couldn’t help but laugh. “I think you’re just sleepy.”

“I had a long day and meeting Stephen was… exhausting,” Cas replied quietly.

Dean nudged Ca’s nose with his own. “What happened?”

Cas shrugged and hid his face behind his arm. “I… told him about me.”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “How did that go?”

“I don’t know… not as well as I hoped it would.” Cas gave Dean a sheepish look. “And I… panicked when he asked about Luke, so I told him that I kissed you and that Luke’s father witnessed it. I’m sorry.”

If anyone should have been cool with it, Dean would have pegged Stephen. He held onto Cas a little tighter. “Don’t apologize, I don’t give a shit if he knows I like dick.”

“I'm still sorry I dragged you into this.” Cas rested his chin on his arm as he looked up at Dean. “I thought it wouldn't matter to him… but he suddenly questioned every touch or hug we shared in the past. As if the fact that I like men too would somehow change the way I perceived our friendship.”

“Dudes are dumb, we know that.” Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to his nose. “I’m sorry he’s being a dick about it.”

Cas gave him a sad smile and a nod. “It still shocked me though, because I thought… I’ve known the guy since kindergarten.”

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean pulled Cas closer.

Cas hummed and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's cheek. "Maybe he... just needs some time to get used to it."

Dean turned his head and pressed a kiss to his lips. “If not, fuck him. You’ve still got me.”

Cas gave him a long look before he whispered, "But I don't want to lose him as a friend."

“I know. What did he say? What makes you think you won’t stay friends?”

"He said he needed to think about everything, and then he left. He didn't even give me a chance to really talk about it," Cas explained after a moment.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe that’s all it is?” He could only hope. Cas got really down about stuff like this, and he didn’t like seeing his best friend sad.

Cas shrugged and hid his face against Dean's throat. "Luckily school is almost over," he replied quietly, sounding a little monotone.

“Hey,” Dean whispered as he tapped Cas’s head to get his attention. “Talk to me.”

Cas looked up at Dean, his expression was hard to read. "About what?"

Dean quirked his brow in challenge. “Cas.”

Cas looked away and chewed on his lower lip. "I don't know what to say. This whole situation sucks. I promised myself I wouldn't let it get to me... that everything would work out. But now it's all I can think about." 

“Anything I can do to distract you?” he asked before he started pulling silly faces. “Does this help?”

Cas started to smile before he slid his palm over Dean's face. "Stop it, or your face will get stuck like that."

Dean crossed his eyes and pulled his lips taut and stretched open. “Like this?” he asked, but it was pretty unintelligible.

"Oh, fuck, stop it." Cas laughed and pushed Dean into the mattress before kneeling over him to slide both of his palms over Dean's face. 

So, Dean did the only logical thing. He licked Cas’s palms.

Cas gave him a playfully shocked expression before he wiped his palms on Dean's t-shirt. "Ew, Dean, I'm all sweaty."

He was, the lingering salt-taste wasn’t great. Dean wiped his tongue off on the pillow next to them. “I thought you said you don’t sweat under any circumstances,” Dean whined.

"That was a total lie," Cas replied with an incredulous look. "Did you really buy that?" He slipped off of Dean. "I should take a shower."

“Yeah you should, smelly.” 

Cas threw one of the pillows in Dean's face. "You smell too, by the way."

“Yeah, you’d be surprised how much you sweat getting caught trying to roll joints with your little brother.”

“Well, dibs on the shower.” Cas poked his tongue out before he pulled off his shirt with an eyebrow waggle and threw it in Dean’s face.

And it reeked, he threw it back before he playfully died against his mattress. “What a world!”

“Do you need mouth to mouth?” Cas asked with a cheeky grin.

Dean chuckled. “I’d say yes, but I might die from your stench.”

"You're right. You might end up even more dead. Be right back," Cas replied with a wink before he left Dean's room.

The urge to follow him was overwhelming, but after the day he had, the last thing he needed was his Dad catching them showering together after the other act he was caught doing in the bathroom, so he slumped back against his bed and tried to piece his life together. And the first thing he was going to do when he was ungrounded was find out how the hell Rhonda rolled joints.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was prom night and since Dean was still grounded, Cas had carefully asked John if they could celebrate prom in Dean's room. He had allowed it, since John felt bad about Cas circumstantially not going to prom either.

So, Cas and Dean dressed up for the occasion, and Mary even took a photo of them both walking down the stairs before she handed them the alcohol free punch. Cas was following Dean back to his room, balancing the bowl carefully in his hands while Dean was carrying the cups, much to Gabriel and Sammy’s irritation. Because they wanted to have punch too. 

Well, tough luck. It wasn't their prom. 

Although Cas was happy to see his little brother, thanks to his friendship with Sam, didn't mean he was always happy to spend his time with him. This night belonged to Dean and him. He wanted to enjoy this.

Dean closed the door behind them and leaned against it as he smiled at Cas. “I have a surprise for you.”

“You're naked under your suit?" Cas asked as he put the bowl down on Dean's desk.

“If you wanna get technical, we’re both naked under our clothes,” Dean said with a laugh as he pulled open his underwear drawer where he kept his sex toys.

Cas swallowed and raised his eyebrows. "Did you buy a new toy?"

Dean barked out a laugh as he pulled out a bottle of amber brown liquid. “No, but it’s almost as fun.”

Cas raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Where did you get that?"

“Where do you think?” Dean challenged as he poured some in their glasses.

“Rhonda?” He guessed and tried to sound as neutral about it as possible. “She isn’t coming over, is she?”

Dean chuckled. “No. No girls allowed.”

He couldn’t suppress the relieved sigh, giving Dean a sheepish smile when he realized how obvious his relief had been on display. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Anyway,” he said before he thanked Dean for his glass and held it up. “To our own awesome prom night.”

Dean clinked his glass against Cas’s. “To Dad not being able to say no to you.”

“I think he feels bad about me not going ‘cause you have to stay,” Cas replied with a shrug before he took a sip of his punch. It burned in his throat and he grimaced, coughing, “Oh, I see our next drunken night coming. At least in your room, I can’t lose you.”

Dean nodded. “Hopefully.”

“If you're worried, I could tie you to your bed,” Cas joked before he took another sip. He then made the mistake of picturing Dean being tied to the bed and quickly tried to think of something else; anything, really. “So I have news on the Stephen front.” Maybe that was the wrong topic though.

He took a bigger gulp from his glass. “He seriously asked me if we could just ignore the fact that I told him about my sexuality, and if we could go back to pretending I still just like girls.”

Dean scoffed and leaned against his desk. “Yeah, okay. You’ll get right on that,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“I… didn’t know what to say to that. He kind of hit me out of the blue with it.” Cas looked down. “So I said okay…”

Dean gave him a pointed look. “So, if you fall in love with some dude, will Stephen never speak to you again?”

“Yeah, I guess… I guess my friendship with him would be over, then.” Cas rubbed his hand over his face. He was in love with Dean, and although nothing would ever come of that… it was still part of who he was. And he didn't want to pretend to be someone else again. 

His hand was pulled away before Dean drew him in for a hug. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Cas hugged him back for a moment before he drew back, shaking his head. “Thanks, but… I don’t want to dwell on this. I just have to accept that there are things that I can't change. I won't let it ruin our night.”

Dean nodded and grabbed his glass again, taking a sip. “I’m here for you, either way.”

Cas gave him a quick smile. He really just wanted to repress everything. “Thanks, um, we should change the topic though.”

“Okay,” Dean said as he poured more “punch” into Cas’s glass, “what do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know, anything but stupid school and stupid people,” Cas suggested before he took a big swig from his cup. “I think I should slow down. I think I'm already starting to feel something.”

Dean smiled and turned on his CD player, some mellow R&B song played as he stepped closer to Cas. “Good,” he murmured as he pulled Cas in and started slow dancing with him.

Cas smiled as he pulled Dean closer, pressing his cheek against him. This was perfect. This was exactly what he wanted. If he had gone to prom, he would have never publicly danced with Dean anyway. So this... Dean being grounded, was the best thing that could have happened. 

Dean started humming along to the song as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck.

“You know what?” Cas murmured against Dean’s cheek, sliding his arm slowly down Dean’s back. “I’m glad we’re here… and not at the stupid dance.”

Dean chuckled. “You don’t gotta lie to kick it, Cas. But thanks,” Dean said with a soft chuckle.

“I’m serious, Dean.” Cas leaned back to look at him. “We couldn’t have danced like this at school.”

“Says who? Society? The stuffy school administrators? Bah!” Dean said with a cocky, slightly sarcastic, puffing out of his chest.

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “You know we’ve kept all of this a secret for a good reason. Not getting beaten up on a regular basis.”

Dean chuckled. “I guess I can’t argue that.”

“At least this is over now.” Cas mirrored his smile. “You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to college.”

“I bet,” he said with a soft laugh.

“Mostly because we’re going to live together,” Cas added with a grin, before he spun Dean around and dipped him.

Dean laughed outright and smiled up at him. “We already live together, dork.”

"Yeah." Cas rolled his eyes and playfully smacked Dean's ass. "But you know what I mean. Without parents and little brothers around."

“Without the chance of being grounded?” 

"Exactly!" Cas drew closer before he teasingly whispered in Dean's ear, "Or getting caught with a hot pink dildo."

Dean groaned. “I’m never gonna live that down.”

"Nope. You won't, and I will keep reminding you." Cas flashed him a smirk. "It's just the duty of a best friend. I don't make the rules."

Dean rolled his eyes and moved to sit on the bed. “You’re a dick.”

Cas took Dean's cup and got him a refill, before he sat down next to him. "Yeah I know. I think everyone warned you about me on your first day at school, remember?"

“Well, I’m glad I ignored their warnings.”

"Me, too." Cas gave Dean a little wistful smile. "Probably still would be the odd one out. The awkward virgin with no date, surrounded by a couple of stupid guys who objectified girls all day."

Dean smirked. “Now look at you! Stuck in my room with me on prom night.”

“Yeah, you saved me from teenage perdition, Dean.” Cas chuckled.

“Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you.”

Cas kissed Dean's cheek. "I'm lucky to have you in my life, and I'm looking forward to the rest of the years with you." He raised his cup and clinked it against Dean's. "To us and our future."

Dean smiled and said, “To being the Robin to my Batman.”

Cas raised his eyebrow and gave Dean a stern look, before he lowered his voice, "You're Catwoman and I'm Batman.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows and simply said, “Meow,” in an exaggerated purr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys think the two characters referenced in the warning were going to be Dean and Cas? xD!
> 
> Slowest slow burn ever/idiots in love. ;)


	4. 1998 - When the Lights Go Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: Eeeek, what??? Another update??? Like I said, the last few chapters are smaller. In a paralell to adulthood, when even best friends start to drift apart, because they spend less time together throughout the year, the scenes are lesser and shorter. It happens to a lot of us, but eventually, we always gravitate back to each other. And I promised the rest of this fic will be uploaded before the end of the year, even if it's a little slow. We love all your comments and all your faces, and for those of you struggling with the finale, fuck it. The writers can't actually take the characters from us, the fans, fandom. They belong to us (I mean, obviously not legally). 
> 
> Just think of the finale as poorly written fanfiction, it might help you make sense of things. <3<3<3

**1998 - When the Lights Go Out**

Dean was juggling two six packs of soda and two large pizzas as he struggled pulling his key out of his pocket. He was grateful he and Cas had managed to get a first floor apartment, considering their building didn’t have an elevator. Dean made a mental note to make sure he never lived in a place without a working elevator. 

It had been almost ten months since he and Cas had got their own apartment. And since they were used to sleeping in the same bed, they didn’t see the point of paying for a two bedroom place. They went full on  _ Big  _ with it and got bunk beds for their bedroom, Cas adamantly declaring infinite dibs on Top. Which was fine with Dean, it meant he didn’t have to climb a friggin’ ladder to go to sleep. 

And it didn’t take Cas long to realize what a pain in the ass that was, so most nights he ended up cuddled next to Dean on the bottom bunk. Again, Dean was more than fine with it. The few nights Cas didn’t sleep next to him, Dean found his sleep wasn’t as restful. They’d seamlessly shifted into real life roommates, but between Dean’s odd and inconsistent hours at the movie theater two stations from their place, and Cas’s night shift hours at the hospital in his entry level gig as some sort of clerk, or aid, or something, not to mention going to school...

Well, it wasn’t like they had time for much else. So they had yet to stumble on what would probably be an awkward situation for one, if not both, of them. Bringing someone home. Dean hadn’t really met anyone he liked enough to bring home. Hooking up in a car or behind the theater was one thing… And Cas was getting less and less talkative about his sex life, if the guy even had one.

After everything that happened with Luke, Cas became less and less interested in sharing details with anyone. Dean didn’t take it personally, but sometimes, usually while under the influence, Dean would get pushy and Cas would end the conversation. He worried more than he cared to admit that Cas might be getting bored with Dean. Their lease would be up in a couple of months and Dean wondered if he’d end up back home, because there was no way he could afford an apartment in the city on minimum wage by himself.

So when summer break started, giving them more alone time, when Sammy and Gabe asked if they could spend the weekend at their place with them, Dean readily agreed to it. Anything to put off a conversation he was worried would happen sooner rather than later.

Dean sighed when he couldn’t get the damn key out and kicked the door. “Yo! Can one of you grab the door?” 

It was Gabe who opened the door with a wide grin, before he grabbed the soda from him and promptly closed the door in his face again.

Dean took a slow, deep breath, and rolled his eyes as he balanced the pizzas in one hand and fished for his key. He almost dropped the pizzas when the key got snagged on his pocket, which caused him to fumble frantically, dropping his key as he steadied the food. “Fuck.” He kicked the door. “Gabe, open the goddamn door!”

It was Cas who opened the door then, taking the pizza from him. “Hey, honey. The kids are being assholes again. I'm glad you're home."

Dean chuckled and pressed a sneaky, quick kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Hi, dear. Well, you’re the one to blame, I spend all day at work.”

"I'm the one to blame?" He raised his eyebrows. "I'm slaving away, all day at home, tidying up after the kids and you spoil them with pizza and soda. And  _ I'm  _ the one to blame? You’re sleeping on the couch, and no sex for you, mister."

Dean smacked Cas’s ass and waggled his eyebrows. “You know you can’t resist me.”

Cas gave him an exaggerated shocked look before he smirked. "It must be nice to have dreams."

“I want a divorce,” Dean said as he followed Cas into the kitchen.

“You can’t divorce me. You have to marry me first,” Cas replied, getting glasses for all of them before he poured the soda in them. Gabe and Sammy were on the couch, playing Nintendo, not lifting a finger to help. “If you want soda or pizza you have to come and get it. We’re not your stupid room service,” Cas barked at them before he looked at Dean with a sheepish expression. “I have to cancel our plans for next Friday. I’m meeting someone.”

Dean furrowed his brow as he propped open the top box and grabbed a slice. “Who?” He was eighty seven percent sure he nailed not sounding like a jealous ass.

"Um, Michèle, she is a nurse. You don't know her," Cas replied quietly. 

Oh.  _ Meeting _ someone. Dean forced a laugh, hoping Cas would be oblivious. “Nurse, huh? Look at you.”

Cas shrugged noncommittally. “It’s just sex.” 

_ Shit. _ Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat. “I get it,” he murmured around a mouthful of pizza.

Cas gave him a half smirk that didn't quite reach his eyes, as he bumped his shoulder into him. "I know you had a few hook ups lately. Anyone you think you might wanna date?"

No, but maybe he needed to rethink that. Dean shrugged as he took Cas’s cup of Pepsi from him and took a big swig. “I’m keeping my options open.”

Cas stared at him for a moment, taking a sip from Dean’s soda before he replied. "Yeah, who knows? Maybe the right person is just around the corner."

In that moment, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Pain in Dean’s Ass came barreling into the kitchen, play-wrestling with each other as they zeroed in on the pizza. 

“Hey! This ain’t  _ Weekend at Bernies!”  _ Dean barked.

Gabe gave Dean a shocked look. "And here I thought we were in the Hamptons. I want a refund."

Cas hit the backside of Gabe's head with his palm. "You didn't pay for anything."

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed them both plates. “So, how’s your first year of high school been?”

“Pretty awesome. Sam and I share most of our classes,” Gabe replied enthusiastically through a mouth full of pizza.

Sam nodded and turned his nose up in amused disgust. “Yeah, and Gabe only got detention eight times.”

Cas looked uncomfortable for a moment before he asked, "Everything alright at home if you get in trouble so often?"

For a short moment Gabe looked serious for a change, before he gave Cas a quick nod. "Everything is fine. They let me do anything I want."

Dean stopped himself from scoffing, and calling their parents every foul name in the book, by stuffing the rest of his slice in his mouth. While Cas agreed with Dean, he didn’t want to cause or create any issues between the egg and sperm donors and his little brother. 

Cas looked relieved though and nodded, giving Gabe a small smile. "Should that ever change... you have my number."

Gabe leaned back against the couch with a sigh. "I know, bro. But seriously, don't worry about me. I'm good. I can do whatever I want. I got Sam. And I kind of have a girlfriend, I think. It's an off and on story. Complicated."

Dean was impressed. “Where’d you find Smurfette?”

Gabe flipped him off before he turned to his brother. “Her name is Kali. She’s new at our school.”

“She’s like the calmer version of Gabe. It’s weird.” Sam chuckled.

Cas scrunched up his nose. “I’m trying to imagine what that looks like… but I can’t.”

Dean chuckled and ruffled Gabe’s hair. “I think it’s adorable.”

"Pfft, adorable.” Gabriel pouted, causing Sam to laugh before he looked at Dean.

“What about you two? Any girl or boyfriends in sight?” Sam asked, before he resumed eating his pizza.

Dean shook his head. “Nothin’ serious for me.”

Sam's eyes wandered to Cas, who just shrugged. "Same."

"I don't get why you two never go on a date? You’re perfect for each other," Sam said after a moment.

Dean almost choked on his Pepsi. “We’re best friends, Sammy. Not boyfriends.”

"But you both like boys and each other, right? You fit so well together," Sam added thoughtfully, nudging Gabriel, who just agreed enthusiastically with a nod, looking like a pizza hamster.

It was Cas who replied before he could, "Sam, Dean and I are best friends, and although we might like the same gender, doesn't mean we would work out. We're not in love with each other, and we're better off as friends."

And there it was. They were better off as friends. Dean forced a smile before he went back for another slice. “Besides, Cas can do way better than my annoying ass,” he joked, ignoring the painful truth of that statement.

Cas scrunched up his nose and looked at Dean with a frown. "Your ass is the opposite of annoying, and you know that."

"Eww, can we not talk about Dean's ass while I'm eating?" Sam complained, throwing a pillow at Cas's head. 

Dean immediately snatched the pillow before it struck and hit Sam upside the head with it. “Be nice, or we'll send you home.”

Cas leaned closer to Dean with a smile. “Thank you for defending me, oh, brave knight.”

“Anytime, damsel.” 

“Is that an upgrade, going from divorced housewife to damsel?” Cas asked with a cheeky grin.

“Downgrade. That’s part of the divorce,” Dean quipped.

“Damn it. I need an upgrade.” He fluttered his eyelashes and gave Dean a charming grin. “What do I need to do for an upgrade?” 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing I think is legal in this state,” he said with a wink.

“Pervert.” Sam threw another pillow, this time directly at Dean’s head.

“That’s it,” Dean said as he put down his pizza and darted right for Sam, who grabbed Gabe’s hand before running out of the kitchen. Dean chuckled after they ran off and picked up his pizza to finish the slice.

Cas leaned back against the counter and sighed. “I never want to have kids.”

Dean nodded. Kids were cute, from a distance. But who knew, if he met the right person, all that bullshit… “Yeah, they seem like a lot of work.”

“Too much if you ask me.” Cas stretched his arms over his head and yawned. “As much fun as it is to have our little brothers here, I’ll be happy when we go back to peace and quiet.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, even though he didn’t mean it. He was enjoying the distraction.

Cas gave him a long look, nudging Dean’s arm playfully. “Got anything on your mind?”

Dean smiled. “Just annoyed I have to work the night of the premiere of the X-Files movie,” he lied flawlessly, knowing how easily distracted Cas would be about that. He hadn’t shut up for weeks about it.

“I still can’t believe I have to watch it without you.” Cas shook his head before he frowned and added, “Dean, um, we’ve never had this situation until now, but… I might bring her, um, the nurse, over on Saturday.”

Dean wondered how long that was going to take. He nodded and forced a smile. “Dorm rules? Put a sock on the bedroom doorknob and I’ll make myself scarce.”

“Yeah, alright.” Cas took a sip from his soda again before he gave Dean another hesitant look. “But you’re alright with that, right?”

_ No.  _ “Sure.” Dean didn’t understand why it bothered him as much as it did, but he realized he needed to get over that shit. Cas was his best friend. “So… tell me about her.”

Cas shrugged a little before he looked away. “There isn’t much to tell. She recently ended her relationship with her boyfriend, and now she wants to get laid. She is also very pretty.”

“So, you just offered your services to her?” Dean teased as he grasped Cas’s chin to get him to look at him.

Cas gave him a shy smile. “I haven’t had sex in a long time. And I need to relax, so win-win, right?”

Dean shrugged noncommittally. “Well, what time is she coming over? I’ll go see a free movie or something.”

“Around seven-ish?” Cas gave him a hesitant look. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to go… I mean, this is your home too.”

“Well, I mean, it’ll be way less awkward without me around and…” Dean hesitated before he finished with a quieter, “this way when I need the apartment to myself in the future…”

“Yeah, sure.” Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll be out of your way.” 

Why the hell did he feel so uncomfortable with Cas in that moment? They had never felt so strained before. “Uh, yeah. Great.”

Cas actually grimaced and gave him a pained look. “Why is everything so awkward between us lately?”

Dean sighed as he leaned against the counter. “I don’t know.”

Cas sighed and tilted his head. “Do you think it’s because we don’t see each other anymore? I mean, even though we live with each other, we barely have time to just… talk and relax together. Either we have to study, or work… or on ‘dates’.” Cas even used air quotes.

“Maybe,” he replied, sighing with a shrug. Dean gave Cas a pointed look. “How do we fix it?”

Cas stepped closer, reaching out to grab his shoulder before he rubbed his thumb gently over it. “Let us find something we both love and let’s do it together. Like fixed dates that are just for us.”

That actually sounded like a great idea. “I like it. So… what are we doing on these friend dates?”

Cas smiled at him. “I have no idea, um, do you have anything we could try together?”

“We could see a movie?” Even though that was Dean’s life, day in and day out, he couldn’t come up with something that was as cheap as free movies, thanks to his job.

“Yeah, or maybe sometimes we could go out. To another karaoke bar. That’s always fun, right?” Cas suggested with a bigger smile.

“Yeah, we can figure it out.”

Cas nodded and leaned forward for a quick kiss before he murmured, “Then let’s quit being awkward, and spend time with our two little troublemakers.”

Dean cupped his cheek and smiled. “Alright. I guess we should appreciate the time we have left before they stop looking up to us.”

In that moment Gabe appeared, grabbing two more sodas. “Too late.”

“I knew it. They are just here to empty our fridge.”

Dean chuckled as Gabe winked at his brother and disappeared again. “You know, I give him shit, but he’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, he is. And also the only one I have left that is actually blood related to me,” Cas replied with a sigh before he refilled Dean’s glass. “Couch?”

Dean pulled Cas into a hug and whispered, “Family don’t end in blood.”

Cas pressed his cheek against Dean’s, wrapping his arms tightly around him. "I know," he whispered. "You're my family."

“And don’t you forget it.”

Dean could feel Cas’s fingers carding through his short hair, before his friend shifted and pressed his forehead against Dean’s. “Never.”

“Good,” he returned, before he clapped Cas’s shoulder and drew back, albeit unwillingly.

Cas let go of him, his expression unreadable. “We should go check on them. They’ve probably commandeered the couch and controller again.”

Dean grasped his hand and held him back. “Hey.”

Cas gave him a questioning look over his shoulder. "Hm?"

“Just wanted to enjoy the alone time,” he said with a small smile.

Cas playfully pulled him closer, a soft smirk playing around the corner of his lips, before he leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Do you now?" 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, soaking in the intimacy, considering if things got serious with Cas’s nurse, this was going to have to end… “Yeah,” he breathed out, unable to take his eyes off of Cas’s lips.

Cas pressed his thumb to Dean's lower lip, giving him a long look. "We haven't had some alone time for a while," he whispered.

“Well, between our jobs and school… At least we’re finally getting a break from school for a few weeks.” Dean started playing with Cas’s hair at the nape of his neck. Cas had let it grow out a little since they graduated high school. Dean found he really liked it. Cas kind of looked like a surfer guy from California.

"I missed you," Cas admitted after a moment, leaning his head into Dean's hand like a cat.

Dean chuckled. “I was worried you didn’t,” he confessed. One truth deserved another.

Cas gently pushed Dean against the kitchen counter, wrapping his arms around him to hold him close. "Are you kidding? I never noticed how spoiled I was when we were still in high school. It felt like you were always right beside me."

Dean couldn’t help the shrug as he found himself enjoying the flashback to their past. “And I always will be.”

"Yeah, but lately... I'm just saying we barely have time for each other." Cas looked down for a moment. "And I probably should get used to that."

_ Ouch. _ He didn’t think Cas would be upfront about it. “Just promise me you won’t drop me the second you fall in love.”

Cas raised his eyebrow, expression skeptical. "Yeah, that won't happen."

Dean breathed out a laugh and shook his head. “Just promise me.”

Cas cupped Dean’s cheek and flashed him a soft smile. "I promise you, Dean. No one will ever come between us."

The urge to make a threesome joke was overwhelming, but Dean managed to refrain. “Good.”

"So, um," Cas started before his expression turned shy. "What do you wanna do when our brothers finally go to sleep?"

“Put their fingers in warm water, see which of them pisses themself first?” 

Cas scrunched up his nose. "You do remember that they’re sleeping in my bed, right?"

“Fine,” Dean said with a sigh as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s nose, “I’ll leave them alone. But only ‘cause it’s you.”

"I'm very grateful for that." Cas pulled him closer with a smirk. "I might even consider not stealing your pillow tonight."

Dean barked out a laugh. “We both know that ain’t true. If you didn’t have to climb down a ladder, you’d steal it every night.”

"True, but–" Cas tapped his finger on the tip of Dean's nose. "You use me as your pillow most of the time, so your complaint is always for show."

“Not my fault I like how squishy you got,” Dean said as he poked Cas’s stomach. And it was the farthest thing from the truth, Cas somehow got fitter, and how that was possible, Dean would probably never know.

But the way Cas's eyebrows shot up to his hairline in shock was serious comedy gold. He pulled up his own shirt and looked at his mouth watering muscles. "What? Where?"

Dean chuckled and squeezed Cas’s hip. “I can’t believe you keep falling for that.”

Cas looked up at him, his lips apart. "Seriously?" He let go of the hem and his shirt fell back in place, covering up his abs. "You're a mean person to shock me like that." Cas pouted, and it was adorable.

Dean couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and kissing those pouty lips.

Cas pulled him close and instantly deepened the kiss when they both shared a gasp. Dean had yet to find someone he enjoyed kissing with as much as Cas. And, as usual, that little voice that asked him why not? Why not give in? Wouldn’t it be great if they took their friendship to a new level? But then Dean thought about how awesome having Cas in his life was, and what if they didn’t work out? 

It wasn’t worth the risk, not if he lost Cas over it. Cas mattered more than his weird, fucked up, sexual attraction to his best friend. Especially when he thought about the fact Cas needed Dean gone from the apartment so he could bang a nurse. Dean regretfully drew back, forehead braced against Cas’s as he tried to catch his breath. 

Cas took in a deep, shuddering breath before he whispered, "That never gets old."

Dean chuckled. “Kissing never does.” The you was intentionally left out.

"Yeah." Cas leaned back and cleared his throat before he rubbed the back of his neck. "Also, you’re still making me doubt if going after girls is really the thing I should do."

He tried to not feel proud about that. “Well, you liked Lenore…”

"Yeah, I did. But I liked–" Cas stopped and shook his head. He looked sad for a moment before he gave Dean a quick smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "It doesn't matter, and I'm starting to get nervous about leaving the kids for too long in our apartment, unsupervised." 

Dean nodded. “Okay, you go check on them, I’ll tidy up in here.”

"Thanks," Cas replied with a quick smile before he left the kitchen, obviously still bothered by something.

With a deep sigh, Dean turned to the counter and started putting the rest of the sodas and the leftover pizza into the fridge. He shook his head at the countless thoughts bombarding him in that moment. Dean decided his secret stash in the bedroom would help, so he grabbed one more slice and snuck past the three of them on the couch, Gabe trying to cover Cas’s eyes as he played Sammy on one of their fighting video games.

Dean reached the bedroom without anyone catching him, the slice almost finished as he slumped onto his bed and reached for the small box under it. When he got settled on his bed, he opened the box and pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. He got it from a skeezy older guy who worked at the movie theater. It was his way of hitting on Dean, hence why Dean never told Cas. 

He could hear the bitching out he would get. Dean quickly took the shot of whiskey and started putting the box back.

"What are you doing?" Cas asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Shit,” Dean cursed as he fumbled, dropping the box on the floor, causing the few other bottles to scatter. “Damnit…”

Cas raised an eyebrow. "Are you having a party just on your own?"

Dean grabbed a miniature bottle of rum and held it out to Cas. “Not if you join me?”

Cas grabbed it and looked at it, before he sat down next to Dean on the bed to take a long swig from the bottle. "Oh, man, that's exactly what I need tonight. What kind of friend are you to keep this from me?"

Dean chuckled and grabbed two more miniature bottles. “I didn’t want to tell you where they came from.”

Cas gave him a quick side eyed look. "Damn, sorry, I... I'm really a judgy asshole, aren't I? If you don't even want to tell me that you got alcohol from some guy or woman you flirted with."

Dean reached over and held his hand. “It’s not that, it’s ‘cause I got it from a skeezy guy at work.”

"Skeezy?" Cas asked as he pulled his hand away in favor of taking another sip.

“Yeah, the creepy projectionist who works the late shifts. He gave them to me as some creepy flirting thing, and… I took ‘em.”

“You don't plan on having sex with him, right?" Cas asked, his voice weirdly detached.

Dean barked out a laugh. “Hell no. I’m pretty sure he’s the next Jeffrey Dahmer.”

Cas scrunched up his nose. "Good... just be careful. He better not think he has any rights to you just because you took them." 

Dean rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Wanna tell me what’s bothering you?”

"No... not really. It's... it's not important." Cas replied after a moment before he rested his head against Dean's. "I’ll get over it."

“Get over what?” Maybe if Dean pushed…

Cas hesitated for a moment before he shook his head. "I don't know... just how everything ended with Luke... I think I'm being weird about guys."

“Weird how?”

Cas shrugged. "Like I'm afraid to put myself out there again."

Dean kept his head on Cas’s shoulder, but turned slightly to look at his face. “I get it.”

“I mean, not every guy is in the closet and has shitty parents, but… you don’t know that when you just meet a person, you know?”

“True, but we’re adults now.”

"Yeah, but still... you never know what impact you’ll have on someone's life," Cas replied thoughtfully after taking a large swig.

“You made mine better,” he admitted a little sheepishly.

Cas gave him a shy smile before he bumped his shoulder into Dean’s. “Ditto.”

Dean pressed a kiss to his cheek. “So, did you stop playing ‘cause Gabe was being a dick?”

"Yeah, and... this is one of those rare nights that you and I both have time, so... I don't want to waste a second doing stuff without you."

“Wanna go to Boystown one of these nights?”

“Yeah sure, why not? We could do karaoke,” Cas suggested with a grin.

“That’s why you’re my best friend.”

“And here I thought you only liked me for my teddy-slash-pillow qualities and abs,” Cas replied with a wide grin. It looked like the alcohol was starting to do its job.

“Well, those things help.”

“Just help?” Cas grinned at him as he lifted his t-shirt with an eyebrow waggle. 

Dean chuckled and shook his head, trying to keep his focus on anything but his best friend’s sexy ass body. “Stop using your abs as a weapon,” he chastised, doing everything in his power to not reach out and touch.

“It’s the only weapon I have,” Cas replied with a chuckle, before he pulled off his shirt and danced in front of Dean, emptying his bottle.

“You practicin’ to be a go-go boy?” He teased before he started dancing with Cas.

“Don’t know. Do you think I’m good enough for that?” Cas asked as he bumped his hip against Dean’s.

His best friend was definitely sexy enough for it. Dean quirked his brow. “That genuinely something you want to do?”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “Oh, fuck no. Just for a future girl or boyfriend.”

“Just don’t fall on your face, clumsy, and you should be fine,” Dean said, as he braced his hands on Cas’s hips and started moving them in a more smooth rhythm.

“You could catch me when I fall this time,” Cas replied in an almost purr.

Dean grinned. “Don’t I always?”

“The first time I caught you,” Cas replied smoothly, before he hooked his fingers into the belt loops of Dean’s jeans and pulled him closer.

“Yeah, after you knocked me over.”

“We crashed into each other,” Cas corrected. “That happens.”

Dean chuckled and wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck as they started slow dancing. “That’s a convenient excuse for your clumsiness.”

Cas leaned closer, nudging Dean’s cheek with his nose before he rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “As long as you believe it, that’s alright.”

Dean inadvertently started to hum what he thought was a random tune, but quickly turned into  _ That’s All _ from the new Adam Sandler movie,  _ The Wedding Singer. _

Cas chuckled lightly against Dean’s throat. His breath was hot against his skin. “That’s quite romantic,” he whispered, his tone teasing.

Dean chuckled and started humming  _ Somebody Kill Me _ right after. “Better?”

Cas laughed, and the sound reverberated in his chest from how close they were. “Not really, because you're weird enough to want that song at your wedding.”

Dean chuckled. “I may be weird, but no way do I want a break up song at my wedding.”

Cas leaned back and gave him an intense look. “What song do you want at your wedding?”

“You know? I have no idea. I mean, as long as I’m marrying the love of my life, the rest doesn’t really matter.”

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean’s cheek with a soft smile. “I guess you’re right.” There was a pregnant pause after that before Cas asked, “So, what are we going to do tonight? Hide here from the kids?”

“Only if you hide with me.”

“Of course. Always.” Cas replied with a grin.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas bent down and sniffed at his shirt before he groaned and quickly pulled it off. He nearly threw up his morning coffee when the stench struck his nostrils. It was stale beer. How could his freshly washed shirt, that he wanted to wear for this incredibly important interview, reek of beer? 

He remembered then that Dean had told him he would iron it. Cas walked out of his room and into their living room, where the ironing board and the iron were still standing, before he bent over and smelled it. He eyed the iron suspiciously, noticing that the water container was yellow-ish. When he removed the container he nearly puked again from the smell. 

There was actual beer in the water container. Dean had ironed his shirt with beer! What the fuck! 

Cas stomped into the kitchen with the container to pour it into the sink, which was still full with the dishes Dean had promised to clean the night before. Cas cursed as he felt his stress levels burst through the ceiling. He was nervous about the interview, and this was the last thing he needed. “Dean!” He yelled, putting the container down before he stomped to Dean’s room, knocking on the door. He knew it was too early for Dean to wake up, but he didn’t care. Cas was angry and he needed to vent. “Dean, you fucking ironed my shirt with beer! And the dirty dishes are still in the sink!”

Dean finally opened the door, rubbing his eyes as he squinted against the light. “Why the hell are you screeching at this time of the morning?”

Instead of answering, Cas pressed his disgusting shirt into Dean’s face. “I wanted to wear this to my meeting today!”

Dean shoved it away. “S’why I ironed it for you,” he said, eyebrows furrowed and expression incredulous.

“With beer?” Cas yelled. “It stinks like I was on a bender for three nights in a row.”

Dean recoiled and snatched the shirt back. “Fine! I’ll re-iron it!”

“Re-ironing won’t do shit, Dean. It needs to be washed. So I’m gonna wear one of your shirts. Please tell me you have at least one white shirt that isn’t in the laundry.”

Dean grumbled something unintelligible, and grabbed one of his shirts from his side of their shared closet. He pushed it against Cas’s chest, shoving him. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“Fine,” Cas snapped back. His heart was hammering from all the stress he was feeling. He needed to leave soon, because otherwise he would be late. “But while I’m gone, can you at least do the dishes like you promised?”

“Dude, you need to stop bitching me out left and right. You’re not my friggin’ wife!” 

"I wouldn't need to bitch at you, if you just did what you promised. We live here together, and we have rules. It's not too much to ask to just follow them, is it?" Cas yelled as he angrily pulled on the shirt.

Dean scoffed and folded his arms against his chest. “Sorry I’ve been working two shitty jobs to make my share of the rent, and sometimes I’m too tired to wash the dishes you use and leave!”

"Dean, I asked you yesterday if you need help, and you told me to study! Don't pin this on me now!" Cas replied, before he stomped to the bathroom and brushed his teeth. 

“No,” Dean called out as he followed him into the bathroom, “you don’t get to half ass offer help and then give me shit. I thought I was doing something nice for you, and instead of being thankful, you’re just bitching about everything I got wrong!” He scoffed in disgust and shook his head as he moved to leave. “Whatever.”

"Seriously? Ironing a shirt with beer is not something you do by mistake. No one is that stupid, Dean! You did that on purpose." Cas managed to yell before he accidently swallowed his toothpaste, and proceeded to have a coughing fit.  _ Fuck! _ This day couldn’t have started any worse. A quick look at his watch told him that he had to run to get to the L in time.

“It’s how my Mom starched my Dad’s shirts! I thought I was helping!” Dean called out before he appeared with a sigh and started patting Cas’s back, gentle back and forth circles to help with his choking fit.

Cas gave Dean a confused look before he grimaced. "Ew, really? And you never wondered why he smelled like a distillery?"

Dean shook his head. “You must be fucking bitchy, you never talk bad about my parents. Go to your meeting, Cas.”

Cas rolled his eyes. "I wasn't..." He growled out in frustration before he turned around to Dean. "I wanna become a doctor. Do you have any idea how well that interview would go if I turn up smelling like I soaked in alcohol?"

“The smell fades, you ass!”

"I almost puked when I tried to put it on, Dean. It's disgusting." Cas growled before he grabbed his bag and walked to the door with a head shake. "Maybe this isn't working... I think we were better friends when we weren’t living together."

Dean grabbed him by the shoulder. “What?” his voice was dangerously low. Michael low.

Cas froze and tensed up before he shook Dean's hand off. "Don't tell me you haven't already been thinking about it. You bitch all the time that the rent is too high, and I know you are thinking of moving back in with your parents." He frowned and looked away. "And we're always fighting lately. I hate it. I hate fighting with you."

“So your answer is to call it quits?” Dean took a step back. “Well, if that’s how you feel, then I’ll be out by the end of the week.”

"Can we talk about this later when we're not high on emotion, and I'm about to miss my train?" Cas begged. "I want us to stop fighting, and save our fucking friendship instead of ruining it further."

Dean sighed. “Fine.”

"Are you here tonight, or working?" Cas asked as he shouldered his bag.

“I’m off at ten tonight,” he said, voice quiet and resigned.

"Okay," Cas breathed out. "I’ll see you then." He left the apartment without looking back. His chest hurt all the way to the L, and not because he was running all the way, but because he knew this was the end of them living together. It wasn't just this fight over dirty dishes in the sink, or laundry... Cas had been feeling uncomfortable for a while now. 

He was still in love with Dean, and it bothered him more and more to see him with other people. He knew that a lot of the tension between them was because he was jealous and afraid of losing Dean forever. That at one point, Dean would leave Cas; he would move out because he met someone. Cas would rather that happened now, while they were still friends.

He aced the interview with his boss, as he still somehow managed to get there in time, and tried to use his work to distract himself from the looming prospect of the evening in front of him. The day was over way too quickly, and when he finally arrived home before Dean, he started to clean and cook for both of them, hoping it would put Dean in a better mood about all of this.

Cas was a nervous wreck by the time he finally heard the keys in the front door.

The door slammed open and Dean stumbled in, some blonde girl hanging on him, letting out a surprised giggle that caused Cas to cringe. It was worse than nails on a chalkboard. Dean guffawed and waved at Cas. He was completely shit-faced. “Cas! A, uh… This is Debbie.”

“Darla,” she corrected as she pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a sticky pale pink lip shaped mark in her wake.

“Darla, right. Darla, this is Cas.”

She giggled again and waved at him. “Hi, Cas.”

"Hey," Cas growled as he slowly stood up from the table. "I thought we would be alone tonight?" He asked Dean, his anxiousness instantly turning to anger.

“That was tonight?” Dean was clearly focused on Darla’s exposed neck before he licked down towards her cleavage. “Can you give me an hour?”

Darla giggled and playfully smacked his arm. “Someone’s unrealistically optimistic.”

"You can have all night," Cas growled as he grabbed his jacket. He wouldn't listen to Dean having sex while he waited for him. "And Darla, if you haven’t had any food, feel free to eat something." He pointed at the dinner he’d prepared.

Darla drew back from Dean and furrowed her brow. “What is this?”

Dean tilted his head and laughed, a small and insecure sound as he tried to lean in close to her. “Huh?”

She held him at arm’s length and shook her head. “I’m nobody’s revenge fuck.” Darla turned to Cas and gave him a sincere and apologetic smile. “And you deserve better than a douchebag who uses girls he picks up on the L to make you jealous,” she said as she opened the front door and slammed it behind her. 

For a moment Cas just stared at the door.  _ Oops.  _ He slowly turned to Dean with an apologetic expression. "Um, sorry... I... didn't want–" He stopped himself. Why was he apologizing? Dean had been an asshole for bringing her here, when they clearly had plans. Even when these plans hadn’t exactly been something to look forward to.

“Fucking typical,” Dean grumbled, the light and airy laugh that followed dripping with sarcasm. He dropped himself at the table and picked up a piece of bread, stuffing the whole thing into his mouth before he added, “Well, we’re alone now.”

"We had an appointment," Cas reminded him dryly, before he sat down and leaned back against the chair with crossed arms. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

Dean scoffed. “No, we had a meeting for you to kick me out. Sue me for wanting to spend it doing something fun instead.”

"I'm not kicking you out, Dean. I want to have a grown up conversation about this."

Dean grabbed the beer and downed half of it before kicking his feet up on the table. “Fine,” he said with a haughty wave, “ask to terminate our living situation, or however a ‘grown up’ would say it.”

Cas rolled his eyes. "Dean, do you really like how this is going between us? I'm afraid I'm going to lose you if we keep living together. This just isn't working, and it's not worth losing you over some shared living space."

“I thought everything was just fine; you’re the one who started acting weird around me,” he grumbled, a little petulantly.

"We barely see each other anymore, and when we do, we fight." Cas shook his head. "Don't tell me you haven’t noticed."

Dean scoffed as he ate some more bread. “I’m not the one starting the fights.”

“Okay, so it's all my fault. Great, okay. Then so be it," Cas replied angrily as he stood up. "I don't want to live with you anymore."

Dean let out a mirthless laugh as he tossed the bread on the table. “Message received.”

Cas scoffed and walked up to the fridge to get beers for himself and Dean, before he opened them and walked back to the table, handing Dean the other one. He tried to calm down, but he was so angry, and hurt. It was really difficult. Especially when stupid tears started prickling in his eyes. "Do you think I want that? I'm terrified of losing you, Dean."

“Sure coulda fooled me,” he murmured under his breath before he took a swig of the beer.

"Dean, for fuck’s sake. Stop acting like an asshole!" Cas slammed his bottle on the table and glared at him. "If you start suggesting I'm lying to you, if you don't trust me anymore, maybe our friendship is already pretty damaged."

Dean threw his bottle against the wall, the sickening crunch of the glass shattering echoing around them. “You woke me up after I stayed up an extra half hour ironing your fucking shirt, as what  _ I  _ thought would be a nice surprise, because I know how stressed you’ve been, and I did that even though I had work this morning, just to be woken up an hour earlier than necessary to you screaming at me. And then you tell me you don’t want to live with me anymore, all because of some line about not wanting to lose me, so you push me away? I don’t get it, Cas.” Dean turned away from him when a solitary tear slid down his cheek. “I don’t know what I did to make you hate me.”

"Are you fucking kidding me? I don't hate you, Dean. Why the hell would you think that?" This was all escalating and Cas felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. He had no idea what was happening, and it felt like he was losing Dean either way. "What do you want me to do?" Cas asked, his voice breaking. "How can we fix this?" 

“Can we?” he asked, voice cracking with emotion. “‘Cause you don’t wanna live with me anymore, you said so yourself.” Dean cleared his throat and took a step back. “I’ll move out by the end of the week, like I said.”

Cas closed his eyes. "Why don't you believe me, Dean? It doesn't mean I want to stop being your best friend. It's the opposite. I just don't think... us living together is a good idea." He swallowed heavily, rubbing away a treacherous tear. "You will move out anyway as soon as you find a girl. It's not like you and I will live like this forever."

Dean scoffed, which turned into a sad sounding sigh. “Well, did it feel better? Being the one to kick me out first?”

"Oh, yeah, so much," Cas replied sarcastically. "Because it's my life's goal to hurt your feelings. So much fun."

“You did, Cas,” Dean said, sounding the most serious Cas had ever heard him. “You really hurt my feelings. You didn’t even try to talk to me about what’s been going on in your head, man. Is that why you’ve been picking fights? ‘Cause you’re scared?”

"I'm not picking fights, Dean! And I'm done talking to you about this when all you do is blame me for this situation! I'm trying to end us fighting. I'm suggesting a solution to save our friendship. And you don't even see it!"

“You’re right. All I see is my best friend, asking me to move out.” Dean moved to grab his jacket. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” With a soft sigh, Dean moved to the front door and opened it.

“Where are you going?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean sighed as he slipped his jacket on. “Home.”

Everything in Cas screamed at him to beg Dean not to go, but he knew it would be a mistake. He knew he couldn't do anything that wouldn't lead to his love confession, and would ruin everything that they had built up so far. 

Now Dean would just be angry with him for a few weeks, and hopefully then they could be friends again. If not... Cas didn't want to think about what would happen, if this ended up being a mistake. If Dean never talked to him again… "Okay," he whispered. "Can you call me when you get there?"

Dean nodded. “I’ll make sure to grab my stuff while you’re at work. You can keep the furniture.”

"Dean," Cas breathed out. "It doesn't have to be like this. I can help you."

Dean wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. He gave Cas a heartbreaking smile. “Won’t need any furniture at my folks’ place. You will.”

Cas walked up to Dean with a begging look. "Dean, please… I–" He reached out, wanting to hug him, but he wasn't sure if Dean would allow it. "Don't go like this... like this is... the end. It feels like it, and I don't want that."

“I…” he started before he sighed, “I need time, Cas. Please give me that. You can have everything else.”

Cas nodded slowly, rubbing away a tear. "Okay," he whispered. "Whatever you need. You get it."

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when I get to my parents’.”

Cas nodded again. He had no idea what else he should say. Everything would just sound weird. He took in a shuddered breath. "I... I could go to the kitchen. If you need to grab your stuff and don't wanna see my face. I’ll... just leave you alone now."

“Nah, I’d… I’d rather be at home,” Dean said sadly as he closed the front door behind him.

And with that, he was alone. Cas sank to the floor and stared at the closed door for a long while. He had no idea for how long. He didn't feel anything, his mind was empty.

The clock was ticking too loud in the empty apartment.

Cas slowly stood up and walked to their shared bedroom, looking at the bunk bed, before he turned around and walked back to the living room. He couldn't stay here. Everything reminded him of Dean. He needed a new start, a new apartment. 

Starting tomorrow he would look for a new place. But tonight… tonight he would drink until he started to feel something again.

The moment he had opened another beer, there was a knock on the door. Maybe Dean was back? His heart jumped as he ran to the door and opened it, wondering why Dean wasn't using his key. His expression fell when it ended up being the girl from earlier, Darla. “Oh, um, hey.”

“Hi, sorry. I think I dropped my beeper here. Do you mind if I check?” Darla asked, already looking at the ground.

Cas stepped aside to let her in. “Sure, go ahead. Um, sorry that you got pulled in between this thing with my best friend.”

Darla quirked her brow. “So it wasn’t a revenge fuck thing?”

“No… he just wanted to dodge our conversation about us not living together anymore.” He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes. “Fuck, um, but it pretty much felt like a break up.” He had no idea why he was telling all this to a stranger, but it somehow felt better getting this horrible feeling off his chest. “You have a beeper?” he asked, just to change the topic, not because he was interested.

She nodded as she proceeded to search their living room for it. “Yeah, they’re cheaper than cell phones.” Darla looked up at him for a moment. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about your friend.”

“I’m sorry if this ruined your plans for tonight.” Cas looked at the living room table. “Are you hungry? I cooked for two, and… I guess I’m alone now.”

Darla gave him a bemused smile. “You cooked?” she asked as she moved to sit on the couch in front of the table.

“Yeah, nothing special. Just pasta… if you’re interested,” Cas offered with a shrug. It felt nice not to be completely alone. 

Darla leaned forward, her brows quirked, giving him an impressed look. “Smells really good.” She grabbed one of the bowls before kicking her ankles up on the couch in what Dean referred to as the pajama party position. “So, this is what you cook for a ‘kicking you out’ talk? No wonder it looked and felt like a breakup.”

“I hoped it would smooth things over with him,” Cas explained as he sat next to her with his portion of food. “Dean and I have been inseparable since high school. I should have known it wouldn’t go over well.”

“Why are you kicking him out?” She groaned in appreciation after her first bite. “Dude. Yummy,” she said as she pointed to the food.

Cas gave her a quick smile before he frowned. “I’m in love with him, and I couldn’t stand watching him bring girls home, and waiting for the moment he ends up leaving to move in with someone he falls for. We’re always fighting, and I figured if I wanna keep being his best friend, I need to be on my own for a while. So I can get over him and have my own life.”

Darla appeared frozen, fork dangling just in front of her open mouth. “Damn,” she breathed out with a laugh as she dropped the utensil back in the bowl. “So, I must’ve made things so much worse. Shit.”

Cas shook his head and gave her a soft smile. “Don’t worry. You really didn’t. And thank you for… you know… eating with me, keeping me company.”

“You’re cute, and knowing you’re gay makes me feel safer,” she said with a wink as she leaned forward and took a sip of Cas’s beer.

Cas grimaced and chuckled. “Probably not a good moment to tell you that I’m not gay. But don’t worry, I’m not a creep.” He laughed again. “I guess a creep would say that too.”

Darla laughed and flipped her long, blonde hair over her shoulder. “Well, you’re still cute, and if you want more than just company, I’m game.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. "You... you want to have sex with me?" 

“Have you seen  _ you?”  _ Darla countered as she took another bite. “You’re fine.”

"Thanks." Cas gave her a charming smile before he said, “Well, I’m always game when someone is as pretty as you are.” Which was a big fat lie, because Cas couldn’t care less what a person looked like. Although he could see when a person was obviously good looking, it didn’t seem to affect him. He needed to interact with people, to see how they talked to him, to feel any attraction.

Darla smiled. “Then I vote for finishing this awesome dinner and fucking right here on the couch.”

"Deal." Cas chuckled before his appetite was suddenly back, and he started digging into his pasta. "Do you want a beer, or a glass of wine?" he asked when he was halfway through his food.

“Wine? Aren’t you fancy!” Darla giggled and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll have a glass of wine.”

"Guilty as charged." Cas chuckled as he went over to the kitchen and filled two glasses with white wine, handing one of them to Darla. "Cheers. To a nice end to a horrible evening."

Darla clinked her glass against Cas’s. “To silver linings.”

When Darla put her glass back on the table, Cas leaned forward to draw her into a soft kiss. She tasted like wine, tomato sauce, and something sweet. Cas chuckled when he drew back. "Sorry, I couldn't wait."

Darla slipped onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m more than okay with that.”

Cas dragged his palms over her back and to her ass, squeezing it lightly before he kissed her again. This time he licked into her mouth, pulling out all the stops to make her turn into pudding in her arms.

She moaned and started grinding against Cas. “Great kisser too,” she murmured against his lips before her hand slipped between them to cup his dick.

Cas groaned and leaned his head back against the sofa as he slid his palms under her skirt and between her legs. She was incredibly warm, and Cas grinned when he rubbed his thumb over the fabric of her underwear, feeling the wetness already starting to pool. "I think you should lose the underwear."

Darla hummed and leaned back to stand up, pulling off her panties and tossing them on the floor. She slipped onto his lap again, taking his hand and pulling it flush against her mound. “Better?”

"Much," Cas moaned as he used one finger to tease and circle her clit, before he pulled her closer. He laid her down on the couch and slid between her legs. He pushed her skirt up and her legs apart, before he dove right in. Humming in appreciation as he started licking at her soaked folds, enjoying all the little whines, and whimpers she was making, and how she gripped her fingers in his hair.

“Fuck yes, fuck…” Darla moaned as she practically tried to ride his tongue.

Cas sucked her clit until she was completely drenched, using a finger to fuck her hole before he kissed her upper thigh. "Don't move, sexy. I'll go and grab a condom."

Darla groaned and sat up. “I’m on the pill, just fuck me already,” she practically begged.

Cas sat up. "Sorry, I don't do sex without a condom. No matter how cutely you beg." He winked at her before he stood up and quickly made his way to the bathroom, grabbing a condom from the box. When he got back he opened his jeans and looked down at Darla. "I could make you come with my tongue as a reward for waiting for me?" he offered, before he freed his erection from his jeans and stroked it a few times.

Darla’s eyes widened when she saw the size of his cock. “Uh-uh, I want to feel that,” she said as she leaned forward and sucked the head of his cock into her mouth.

Cas groaned and buried his fingers in her hair, stroking over the soft strands. “Fuck, yes. Let me see how deep you can take me.”

Darla was enthusiastic, but choked a little a third of the way down. That didn’t appear to stop her as she started using her hand to make up the shortfall, fondling his balls with the other hand, a soft hum reverberating through his cock.

Fuck, this was exactly what he needed. Not to think, just enjoy the moment. Maybe this was the key to getting over Dean. Having a lot of sex with other people. “Fuck, baby. Get back on the couch. I really need to fuck you now.”

Darla pulled off with a satisfying pop, and grinned as she pulled her dress up and off, revealing pert little breasts, her nipples hard. She moved to lay on the couch and spread her legs. “About damn time.”

Cas knelt between her legs and opened the condom wrapper, using the time to put the rubber on by laving her nipples with his tongue. Her tits were perfectly soft and perky, and Cas could have happily played with them all night, but his dick was already throbbing with the need for more.

He grabbed her hips and positioned her before he used his other hand to spread her folds and tease her wet clit as he slowly pushed into her.

“Jesus Christ,” she moaned as she arched up against him.

Cas chuckled as he started to fuck her deep and hard. He pulled her up and onto his lap, never breaking contact, to kiss her and play with her tits. "Fuck, you're tight and so wet. You really like that, huh?"

Darla hummed as she started fucking herself on his cock. “I like men who know how to fuck,” she murmured as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Cas slid his hands down to her ass and kneaded it, stroking her softly, dragging his finger teasingly over her rim. He would be lying if he said he wasn't happy to hear that Darla was enjoying herself. "Hold on tight," he groaned before he stood up and carried her over to the bedroom door, fucking her hard against it. "I love a girl who enjoys herself."

“Fuck, fuck, oh, fuck,” she panted as she dove in for a frantic kiss. “Harder, fuck me harder,” she begged.

Cas grinned and quickened his pace, pulling back and almost out, just to thrust into her again. He slipped his other hand to her ass, wanting to see if the teasing would make her crazy again. 

Darla moaned and nodded against his lips. “You wanna fuck my ass, you gotta get me ready, Godzilla.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. He hadn’t planned on fucking her in the ass, but he sure wasn’t going to say no to that. “Second round?” he asked, because he didn’t want to stop and get the lube just yet.

“Fuck yes,” she groaned as she yanked him in for a desperate kiss, whimpering against his lips.

“Fuck, I love how desperate you are to get fucked hard in every hole. I’m gonna make you come so much, baby,” he groaned as he fucked her harder, already on the brink of coming.

Darla cried out as he felt her walls tighten with the onslaught of her orgasm. “Fuck!”

Cas pulled her into a deep kiss, trying to hold on a bit longer to fuck her through it before he let himself go and filled the condom. “Fuck,” he breathed out against her lips, feeling a little light headed. 

“We just did.” She giggled.

It was infectious, and Cas couldn't help but chuckle as he carried her over to the couch, and carefully pulled out of her. “Yeah, fuck, that was exactly what I needed tonight.”

Darla smiled broadly before she leaned over to grab her pasta, happily shoving a forkful into her mouth as she leaned back against the couch, unabashedly nude and content. “Ain’t so bad yourself, slugger,” she said with a wink.

Cas grinned at her before he finished his wine and got rid of his condom in the bathroom, grabbing the lube and another one on his way back to Darla. He sat next to her and grabbed his own plate of food to finish it. “Thanks for staying, Darla. You’re pretty awesome.”

That was met with a broad smile, cocksure and content. “You too. I don’t know what happened to my damn beeper, but I’m glad it did.”

“I’ll help you look for it.” Cas smiled and put his empty plate on the table before he leaned back against the sofa. “Maybe we can move a bit more furniture around and find it.”

Darla giggled and pulled Cas back over her, wrapping her legs around his waist before pulling him in for a needy kiss. “Or we could fuck again? Think you can handle that?”

"Hell, yes, baby." He murmured against her lips, rocking his half hard cock against her still wet pussy. He knew he would be hard in no time.

Darla hummed and murmured into his ear, “Can’t wait to feel you in my ass.”

Cas growled before he leaned back and grinned at her. "You're like winning the jackpot, baby." He slid his hands down between her legs and fingered her pussy, teasing her clit, soaking her folds before he started teasing her rim. "I love how wet you are. And that you like every hole getting filled."

Darla moaned as she arched her hips up. “Nothin’ wrong with likin’ sex, especially when the guy knows what the hell he's doing.”

Cas slid down and kissed her inner thigh before he hummed. “Definitely. I think it’s super hot that you’re enjoying yourself. I think more women should be like that.” He bit her inner thigh softly before he leaned back to grab the lube. “I want you to kneel over me with your ass up here. You can suck my dick if you want while I prep your cute tight ass.”

Darla yanked him down for a filthy kiss before she murmured against his lips, “Yes,  _ sir.” _

Cas didn't anticipate the rush he felt at her obedience. He liked that she trusted him with her pleasure so readily, and was simply having fun. 

Darla didn't hesitate licking and sucking his now hard dick, and he groaned as he grabbed her sexy ass, kneading it and looking at her holes. Damn, she was hot. He slicked his fingers with the lube, and played with her rim with one hand, and used the other to play with her clit. 

“Oh, fuck. Can’t wait to feel your cock again…”

"Can't wait to fuck your tight hole," Cas breathed out as he gently pinched her clit and pushed a finger into her ass.

Darla moaned and bucked up. “Fuck… yes, just like that!”

Cas fucked her open with his finger, before he used a second finger to get her ready. She was reacting beautifully to being prepped, moaning so loud and long, she sounded like she was going crazy. 

He slapped her ass before he sat up. “Get on all fours. Gonna fuck you now.”

Darla quickly moved into position, glancing at him over her shoulder as she wiggled her ass in invitation. “Come on, Godzilla.”

Cas quickly put on a condom before he slid his cock between her folds teasingly and started to fuck her, using his hand to spread her ass apart. Her ass looked open and inviting and he used his fingers to play with it some more, while fucking her pussy. “Tell me how much you want my cock in your tight ass.”

“So fucking much,” she groaned, and tried fucking herself back on his dick and fingers.

Cas quickened his pace, tickling her clit until she came, crying out in pleasure as she tightened around his cock. He waited for a moment, after her cries and tremors subsided, before he pulled out and pushed into her tight ass.

“Oh, fuck!” She cried out as she slammed herself back on his cock. “Fuck, Zil, you’re huge,” she moaned.

Cas couldn’t help but chuckle when she shortened Godzilla as his nickname. “You’re just really tight, baby. But don’t worry. I’ll fuck you open. Deep and hard.” And he did exactly that. He was already close, but he knew he could still hold back long enough to enjoy this. 

Darla kept moaning and arching herself against his thrusts. “Fuck yes, fuck me…”

Cas leaned over and grabbed her tits, playing with her nipples before he grabbed her hips and fucked into her so hard she couldn’t hold herself up anymore. The couch cushion muffled her cries, and Cas’s balls were close to bursting. He came again with a low groan, pushing deep inside of her. 

If his mind strayed for a moment, imagining it was Dean he had fucked… well, no one needed to know. 

He carefully pulled out of her and leaned back against the couch, slapping her ass playfully. “Fuck, that felt good.”

Darla giggled and moved to drape herself across Cas’s lap, smiling up at him. “Happy to be of service.”

“If you give me your number, we can do that again sometime,” Cas said with a tired smile. 

“Definitely,” she murmured as she kept her head in Cas’s lap and reached over for a piece of garlic bread. “So, how long have you been in love with… Dirk?”

“Dean,” he corrected and leaned his head back against the couch. “Since I met him when I was sixteen. Love at first sight.”

Darla let out a low whistle. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“Because it would ruin our friendship. Early on we decided we would never go there.” Cas sighed before he patted Darla’s breast. “And I also don’t think Dean feels the same for me. He is more interested in women at the moment.”

Darla hummed contentedly. “Well, he didn’t really seem all that into me.”

“Yeah, he might just have picked you up because he wanted to get out of the serious conversation that we had planned for tonight. I'm sorry about that. He usually isn't such an asshole.” Cas shook his head, absentmindedly rubbing her nipple between two fingers.

Darla smiled serenely up at him. “Well, his loss on both counts.”

“Both?” Cas asked curiously before pulling softly at her nipple. He loved the feeling when they got hard under his fingers.

Darla groaned. “Yeah, his loss using me, his loss not getting to know what your cock feels like.”

Cas chuckled and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “You're pretty cool, Darla.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It had been four days since Cas asked Dean to move out, and he knew he promised to get his things, but it hurt. He thought he and Cas were inseparable, that Cas would make hanging out with Dean the long haul. He supposed people were right about not being able to stay friends out of high school.

So, instead of getting his stuff, or anything, Dean called in sick for his last two shifts and was wallowing in junk food, binge watching Jerry Springer repeats. He would have been happy to spend the entire day that way, until he heard the Impala pull up. Dad was home. 

Maybe if Dean ran he could make it to his room and pretend he was sleeping…

It was too late though. The door was already opened and his Dad froze in the doorway when he saw Dean. "You're still on that couch, son?"

Dean sighed and resettled against the couch. He had avoided talking to his dad the whole time, and he really didn’t want to deal with a real conversation. Not while he was still licking his wounds. “Got up to grab food a few times.”

John sighed and sat down next to Dean, the couch shifting with his weight. He gave Dean a long look before he asked, "Did you and Cas have a fight?"

And just to rip off the bandaid, Dean scoffed and replied with a soft, “He kicked me out.”

John raised his eyebrow. "What happened?"

“I’m a jackass,” he said noncommittally as he chugged his third Pepsi.

"Dean." John leaned back against the couch. "Tell me what happened."

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter, apparently I ruin everything, and it’s better for our friendship that I move out.”

"Dean, this is a hard time, with a lot of changes for both of you. You both need to find your place in the world, but even if you don't live together anymore, that doesn't mean your friendship is over." John grabbed Dean's shoulder to make him look at him. "You and Cas are special. Cas is family. Nothing will break you two apart if you don't let it. Not living together isn't the end of the world, Dean. Back when Cas still lived with his parents you were best friends too." John tapped Dean's chest, over his heart. "And he always lives here with you, right? I know Cas feels the same about you."

That was the thing, Cas clearly didn’t. Dean sighed and looked away. “Nah, he’s moving on, moving farther away. He told me he didn’t want me there anymore, and even though he pissed me off a lot of the time, I never wanted him to leave.”

Dad sighed and shook his head. “Dean, I know that maybe it doesn’t look like it right now, but Cas is still your friend. You’re both not used to working for it, that’s all. It was always easy for the two of you, and I promise you, it will be again. This is just a phase, believe me.”

“Can I ask you something?” Dean murmured around a mouthful of chips.

“Of course.” Dad gave him an expectant look.

After stuffing another handful of chips into his mouth, Dean turned to face him. “How many people are you still friends with from high school?”

Dad squinted his eyes. "Including your mom?"

Dean quirked his brow, completely unamused. “You know that doesn’t count.”

"Okay, then one person. He lives in New York now, but we still write and call each other." Dad scratched his chin. "Even though he lives far away from me, I know that if I had a problem, he would always have my back."

“Was he your best friend?”

“Yeah, we were pretty tight in high school. We didn’t talk much during our college years because we went our separate ways. But he called me when he was about to get married, and our friendship started where we stopped, I guess.” Dad clapped Dean’s shoulder. “Dean, there are a few things in life that are certain. You and Cas. You will always be friends, even if you have a rocky path along the way. Just call him and have dinner together, or go out… I’m sure you will see that nothing important has changed.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah, I’m not putting myself out there to be rejected again.”

Dad stood up from the couch and shook his head. "Dean, if Cas is important to you, then make the effort. You will regret it if you just let this go on. Who knows what’s going on in Cas's head now, but from what I read between the lines, it seems like he still wants to be your friend."

“Then why’d he kick me out?” Dean demanded, finally starting to feel something other than mopey. Angry was a nice change.

Dad waved for Dean to follow him into the kitchen, grabbing two beers from the fridge and handing Dean one of them. "He’s nearly twenty. Maybe he needs more alone time to... you know... find himself?"

“And why can’t he do that living with me?” Dean replied, hoping he didn’t sound as petulant as he felt.

"Dean..." Dad opened his beer and took a swig. "A big part of growing up is also accepting that people change. If you can't give Cas that freedom, it might be the reason why you two are having problems."

Dean stared at his dad for several moments, unsure how to respond. Maybe Dean  _ was _ the cause of all of Cas’s problems. And if that was the case, that made Dean the shittiest best friend ever. “How do I fix it?”

Dad flashed him a knowing smile. “Call him and talk things out. Be honest with each other about what you _ both _ want.”

“I just want my best friend back.”

“Then you know what to do. Go up to your room and call him.” Dad gave him a playful slap on his shoulder. “I promise you, everything will work out.”

Dean sighed. “Not sure I believe you.”

“Hey, when have I ever lied to you?”

“Two words: Santa Claus.”

Dad laughed at that. “That doesn’t count!” 

Dean chuckled. “Yes it does, Dad!”

“Hey, you said Mary doesn’t count as a friend from high school. If she doesn’t count, Santa doesn’t either.” He took another swig of his beer. “Are you stalling to call Cas?”

He really hated how weirdly understanding and knowing his dad was sometimes. Dean sighed and said, “What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”

Dad barked out another laugh. “Don’t be stupid. He’s probably been sighing at his phone for hours, too chicken shit to do it himself.” 

“You get he kicked me out, right?”

“You do get that probably has nothing to do with your friendship, right?” Dad shot back. “But with Cas growing up and finding his place in this world.”

Dean sighed. “And if growing up means he doesn’t need me anymore?”

“It won’t,” Dad replied with a finality that showed Dean he was done with Dean’s insecurities. “Go and talk to him. You’ll see.”

“Fine,” he grumbled as he moved to grab a towel, “but I’m just gonna go there, talk to Cas face to face.”

“Even better! Say hi to Cas from us, alright?” Dad waved at him, like the dork he was sometimes.

Dean chuckled, waving off his dad as he made his way to the bathroom. Hopefully that meant Dad wouldn’t mind if Dean took some snacks and beer from the kitchen.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

When Dean reached their… Cas’s place, a large brown bag of snacks and beer, and the widescreen copy of  _ The Frighteners,  _ it finally hit him. If Cas slammed the door in his face, he’d have to make the trip back on the L with all the crap, again, but this time knowing full well that he had lost his best friend.

Well, if that happened, he was going to dump a beer on his dad’s head for the suggestion. Dean held his free hand over the door, about to knock, when he chickened out. Maybe he should have called Cas… He didn’t want to see any hatred in his best friend’s eyes.

Dean decided in that moment to just hightail it back home. After two or three beers, he would call Cas.

Just when he was about to leave, the door suddenly opened, and Cas was standing there with a bag of trash. He froze in the doorway, the bag of trash falling to the ground as he stuttered, "D–Dean!"

Dean gave him an unsure and sad smile. “Hey, Cas.”

And suddenly he was pulled into a tight hug, Cas’s face pressed into Dean's throat. "Dean," Cas whispered breathlessly against his skin.

He could friggin’ cry. Dean cleared his throat, gently drawing back, patting Cas’s cheek. “I genuinely didn’t expect that response.”

Cas gave him an insecure look. "Dean, I... I told you I still want to be your best friend. Our living situation has nothing to do with it... I missed you."

A huge friggin’ weight was suddenly off his shoulders, and his heart. Dean held up the grocery bag and said, “Then cancel any plans you have. Let’s hang out.”

"I didn't have any plans tonight other than taking out the trash." Cas laughed and let Dean in. "I know, it's pathetic."

As he looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder, he smiled and said, “I like pathetic.”

“You’re weird.” Cas laughed and pushed Dean over to the couch.

Dean shrugged. “So are you.”

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Cas asked as he sat next to Dean on the couch, his leg close enough to touch Dean’s. 

Dean started unpacking the bag, putting the chips, dip, cookies, and beer on the coffee table. The cheap crappy coffee table Cas found at a Goodwill. He smiled and held up the movie. “We’re being lazy and we’re gonna get fat.”

"Peter Jackson, nice." Cas pointed at the food. "Did you raid your parents’ pantry?"

“Damn right I did.”

Cas was quiet for a moment before he gave Dean a pained look. "I'm sorry about everything. I never wanted to hurt you or fight with you. I hate fighting with you."

Dean pulled Cas in for a hug, resting his head against Cas’s. “Me too. I’m sorry I sucked so much you needed to kick me out.”

Cas rubbed his thumb over Dean's throat before he leaned over to kiss his forehead. "You don't suck, Dean. I just had a lot of stress and... there are just so many factors that played into this situation. I just want you to know that despite all this mess, you're still the most important person in my life, and I don't want to ever lose you. I just feel our friendship is safer if you don't live here, as stupid as it sounds."

“Hey, whatever you need, okay?” Dean cupped his cheek. “You’re stuck with me, and as long as you want me in your life, I’m here.”

“I’ll always want you in my life, Dean,” Cas murmured, leaning his head against Dean’s hand.

Dean smiled, feeling grateful, almost weightless. “Good.”

Cas stared at him for a moment before he leaned over and softly kissed Dean. "I'm glad you're here," he murmured.

It was damn inconvenient the way his heart would swell every time Cas did that. Dean nodded and leaned in for another quick kiss. “You can thank Dad for that.”

"Your dad is awesome!" Cas chuckled before he grabbed the cookies and fed one to Dean.

Dean happily munched on the cookie and mumbled around the crumbs, “Yeah, he is.”

Cas thumbed over Dean’s lip to get a few cookie crumbs before he licked them off his thumb. “Mmmh, those cookies are good,” he murmured before he grabbed one for himself.

Without missing a beat, as Cas brought the cookie to his lips, Dean snatched it and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth with a chipmunk grin. “You’re right,” he murmured.

Cas gave him a playfully shocked look. “You cookie monster! How dare you!”

Dean didn't expect Cas to lean closer, licking crumbs from Dean's lips. “If you do that again I’ll drag you over my lap and spank you,” he growled.

Dean rolled his eyes and gently flicked Cas’s nose. “What? You gonna ground me next?”

“That's it.” Cas laughed and grabbed Dean, wrestling him onto his stomach, pressing his face into the couch as he sat on his back and tickled him with his free hand. “Sassy little cookie thief.”

Dean’s cries of laughter were muffled by the couch cushions as he struggled against his best friend. Realizing, with intense relief, that Cas still  _ was  _ his best friend. Suddenly he stopped struggling and just soaked in the moment, the sheer joy he was feeling.

“Are you giving up?” Cas asked, a little breathless as he leaned over to Dean’s ear. 

To Dean’s surprise, he could feel Cas's dick poking him. His best friend totally had a boner.

Dean craned his neck to look at Cas, almost meeting him face to face. “I think you are,” he teased.

Cas raised one eyebrow. “I can tickle you all night.”

“Yeah? I can feel what you’re tickling me with right now.”

For a moment Cas was quiet, before he suddenly tensed and slid off of Dean, moving to the end of the couch. “Um, sorry. I haven’t had sex for a few days, so I'm pretty horny.”

Dean waved him off as he sat up again, annoyed by how weirdly disappointed he was. “I get it.”

“That was actually my plan for tonight,” Cas confessed with a grin. “Taking care of that.”

“Do you want me to go?” Dean asked, suddenly feeling like he might be overstaying his welcome. They did just have a pretty big fight.

“Fuck no!” Cas held up his hand and shook his head. “My dick can wait.”

“You sure?”

“Well, it has to. I want to spend my time with you. Even if this means an awkward boner from time to time.” Cas chuckled before he reached for one of the beers. “And my porno isn’t going anywhere.”

“Which one?” Dean asked as he leaned forward to grab one of the beers as well.

"Casa Erotica: Gaytropolis." Cas leaned back. "Confiscated that from my brother, even though he isn't gay."

Dean barked out a laugh. “Why did he even have it?” And why was Cas getting porn from his younger brother? He shook his head. Dean thought  _ his  _ family was weird.

"I have no idea, and frankly I didn't ask. I just saw it in his collection and snatched it. The guy on the cover is wearing a uniform. I couldn't resist." Cas shrugged before he reached under the couch and pulled the movie out, showing Dean the cover. "See? He looks like a firefighter. So hot."

Dean quirked his brow. “You and your damn uniforms.” He took the movie and read over the cover. He didn’t know what possessed him when he handed it back to Cas and said, “Pop it in.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. "Are you trying to kill me?" The protest was weak, seeing as he was already pushing the video in the tape player. So much for that.

“Hey, gotta see what this is about, and I did say we needed to watch a movie.”

Cas groaned a little as he sat back with a beer and pressed play on the remote. It had a super cheesy intro with a horny guy calling the fire department, waiting for the muscled stud to appear in his firefighter uniform (that was pretty slutty), asking him for his hose.

"Oh, man," Cas groaned out as the firefighter started to strip and the other guy started to give him a blowjob. Cas's cheeks had a nice flush on them, and Dean could see how much his jeans were tented.

And he definitely wasn’t unaffected by the imagery before him. The urge to reach over and help his best friend with his problem was overwhelming. Dean adjusted himself as he tried to focus on anything else. “Yeah, the dialogue is pretty bad,” he tried to deflect.

"Yeah, I'm so not paying attention to that though," Cas replied in a husky voice, palming his erection. “Man, that guy is hot. I wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”

Dean’s dick was clearly taking over his brain when he said, “Well, I don’t care if you need to, uh… relieve yourself.”

Cas gave him a perplexed look. "Are you sure?"

Dean shrugged, trying to play it cool. “It’s not like it’s a big deal, we’re both guys.”

Cas nodded, answering with a breathless, "Yeah," before he opened his jeans and took his erection in his hand, stroking it. He leaned his head back, lips parted as a soft groan escaped, his gaze drifting back to the movie.

Dean’s gaze was hyper focused on Cas’s dick, it was so fucking big, and after all of those lessons from Rhonda, he really wanted to test out how deep he could take him. He shook his head and turned back to the movie, trying to ignore the fact that his best friend was jerking off less than a foot away.

Cas moaned, punctuated by breath hitching before he looked over at Dean. "If you want to, you can... do it too?"

Without thinking twice, Dean shifted his jeans down, grateful and annoyed he was going commando. When his cock was free, he almost hissed with the pleasure of his cool palm wrapping around his heated flesh. Dean moaned at the same time the guy on screen did, now balls deep in the dude he rescued from a, “fire.”

"Fuck," Cas growled, and Dean could see that he was looking over at Dean. "Would you rather be the guy that gets fucked, or the guy who is doing the fucking?"

“What do you think?” Dean groaned, a soft gasp escaping from the sheer pleasure that coursed down his spine. Cas  _ never _ talked about sex like this. 

“Tell me,” Cas groaned, licking over his own lips.

Dean started bucking up into his fist. “Wanna be fucked, feels so fuckin’ good.”

Cas started jacking his cock harder and faster. “I wanna fuck… nothing better than a tight ass.”

“How I feel about a cock in my ass…” Dean moaned, the familiar heat coiling in his groin. “Love when a guy knows how to fuck.”

“Do you like it when it's fast, hard, and deep?” Cas moaned before biting his lower lip.

Dean nodded, biting his own lip to stifle the moan as he came, embarrassingly fast. “Fuck, Cas…”

The hitch of breath, the way Cas gasped before lifting his shirt to paint his sexy as hell toned stomach in stripes of white come. “Dean,” he moaned, his eyes halfway closed, lips parted.

As the blood rushing through his ears slowly dissipated, the sound of their ragged breathing heard over the porn, Dean licked his lips and swallowed dryly. He didn’t know how to feel. So, denial it was. “Fuck,” he murmured again.

“Yeah.” Cas was still trying to catch his breath as he chuckled. “Wait here, I'll get a towel.” He pulled off his shirt, revealing his beautiful body before he wiped himself down and tucked his spent cock back into his boxers, flashing Dean a quick grin before he disappeared down the hall.

Well, it didn’t seem to be bothering Cas. Maybe Dean was overreacting? Yeah, yeah. That’s all it was. Masturbation was totally normal for guys their age. And shit like this? Totally normal. Yup. Everything was just… peachy.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

_ Fuck. _ That was totally not a normal thing to do. There was no way Dean wouldn't notice Cas's giant crush on him now. Fuck, he had moaned his name when he came!

Cas grabbed a towel and held a corner under the warm water. Maybe if he pretended everything was cool and this was no big deal, Dean wouldn't get suspicious. It really was his only choice here.

So, nonchalant it was. He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he left the bathroom and walked over to Dean, handing him the towel. “Here you go. Man, I feel so much better now. That was a brilliant idea, Dean.”

Dean chuckled as he cleaned himself up. “I’m definitely more relaxed now.”

_ Okay, phew.  _ Dean seemed to be cool with it. Then there was nothing to be worried about. Everything seemed to be good. 

Maybe they could do it again sometime.

_ Damnit,  _ now was not the time to be thinking of a repeat. He ejected the tape and put it in the box again, before he sat next to Dean on the couch, watching him cleaning himself up. Fuck, he really wanted to use his tongue to help him. “I would say the video was pretty effective.”

“Yeah, and it’s been a minute since I got laid.” Dean tossed the towel in Cas’s face before pulling up his jeans.

Cas smelled Dean's come on it and quickly pulled it away from his face. “Yeah, it doesn't beat real sex, but man, I really needed this.” He threw the towel next to the couch, so it could lay there with his soiled t-shirt. “I really hope I meet a guy soon so I can have real sex again.”

Dean smiled as he leaned forward to grab the tortilla chips. “How’s that goin’, by the way?”

Cas scrunched up his nose. He hadn't been very successful so far. He’d had sex with a few women in the last few months, but he really wanted a guy again. “Really shitty. I don't know where all the gay or bi guys are. They're all hiding from me.”

“When was the last time you went to Boystown?” Dean asked around a mouthful of chips.

“When we went together.” Cas scratched his chin. “That was so long ago now.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s why, doofus. The kind of guys who go to Boystown are probably pretty comfortable with getting hit on.”

Cas sighed and gave Dean a pained look. “But it's weird going there alone. I need a wingman.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

“What?” He didn't know if it was the haze of the afterglow, or his very inappropriate thoughts about his friend that made him ask the next question, “Why? Do you want me to hit on you?” It took another moment before he actually realized what Dean had meant. “Oh, um, you meant being my wingman. Of course, you can do that. I would very much appreciate that.” 

Dean grinned and sank back against the couch. “So, what do you do? When you hit on guys?”

Cas shrugged and looked over at Dean. “I usually just look over and when they look back, I give them a smile. If they smile back I start a conversation… that usually leads to them declaring that they have a girlfriend.”

“Maybe stop hitting on straight guys?” Dean chuckled.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Sadly, they don't wear a sign around their necks saying that they are strictly into girls.”

“If you’re trying to pick guys up at a regular bar though...”

“I know. It's pretty stupid of me.” Cas sighed. “It's better to fish in the community.”

“I don’t get why you’re not comfortable going to Boystown alone. Those drag queens friggin’ loved you, man. You could easily make new friends.”

“I don’t know. It’s just… it’s not as much fun going without you.” Cas rubbed the back of his neck. He knew he was sabotaging himself, everytime he took Dean with him. Everyone seemed to think Dean was his boyfriend for some reason, and flirting with others was impossible. But who needed to flirt with others when Dean was at his side?

“We  _ do _ have fun,” he agreed with a chuckle before sipping his beer.

“Exactly!” Cas chuckled. Although he wouldn’t mind having more fun with Dean. Damn, he just jacked off, why was he still horny?

Dean shrugged and finished off his beer. “You still up for some  _ Frighteners?” _

“Of course,” Cas replied, and popped in the cassette before he grabbed a couple more beers for himself and Dean. 

When Cas leaned back against the couch, Dean moved to rest his head on Cas’s lap, smiling up at him like a dope.

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair, playing with the short silky strands. “Did you get more freckles?” 

Dean rolled his eyes and pinched Cas’s side. “Shut up.”

“Ouch, hey,” Cas complained with a laugh. “I really don't get why you don't like them. They are the cutest thing. If I ever get a boyfriend, he has to have freckles.”

“So, that’s your deal breaker? No freckles?” Dean asked as he awkwardly leaned over to drink his beer.

“Of course. No freckles is a no-go. And that is all your fault.” Cas grinned before he took another sip of his beer. “I hope you feel ashamed for giving me that kink.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “I’m a kink now?”

“Your freckles,” Cas corrected, although everything about Dean was a kink for him. “Yes, very much.”

“You’re such a weirdo.”

“Takes one to know one,” Cas retorted, “Also, I know my stomach was your poster boy kink in high school, so don't judge.”

Dean chuckled. “Well, yeah, but abs like yours makes sense, not friggin’ freckles.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “That is so not true. I bet there are a million people who love freckles more than abs.”

“Disagree,” Dean said as he cuddled against Cas’s lap.

Cas combed his fingers through Dean's hair again. “I don't care. I still love your freckles. Every one of them.” He playfully tapped a few of them on Dean's cheek with his fingertips.

Dean patted Cas’s stomach. “Well, even though you’re no longer my poster boy…” 

“What?” Cas replied in shock before he gave Dean a wide eyed look. “Fuck, are you serious? Do I need to hit the gym?”

Dean chuckled and pinched his abdomen. “Know what they say, more cushion for the pushin’.”

Cas was devastated. Tomorrow morning he would go to the gym first thing. “Damn, I should have trained more. With the job and studying I totally let myself go. No wonder I can't find a guy.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re in perfect shape. And trust me, ain’t nothin’ wrong with the way you look.”

“But you said I'm not your poster boy anymore.” Cas pouted as he gave Dean a puppy eye look.

“You know I’m just fuckin’ with you,” Dean said in an exasperated tone.

Cas stared at him. “You did not! Dean! You know how insecure I am about this. That's not nice.” He looked down at his body. Now everytime he looked in the mirror he would probably hear Dean telling him that he was out of shape. “Tomorrow I’m going back to the gym.”

Dean moved to sit up, cupping Cas’s face in both hands. His expression was serious, eyes almost fiery. “Dude, stop. I know I gotta work on that, but you promised you’d work on not taking my jokes so seriously.”

Cas sighed before he whispered, “Do you really still like my abs?”

“Dude, yes. You replaced Gunner, remember?”

Gunner had a lot more muscles than Cas, but he decided to let it count anyway. He leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Dean's lips. “Thank you.”

Dean smiled and just dove right in, tongue first. Cas lived for these kisses, the dizzying way it made his heart beat a little faster, making his head swim.

The only problem was that he pulled Dean onto his lap without thinking, and his dick immediately reacted by growing rock hard, trapped under Dean's ass. He tried to ignore it as he pulled Dean closer, unable to contain the moan. Cas held Dean in place with one hand at the back of his neck. 

Dean drew back, forehead braced against Cas’s as his breathing came out in pants. “How the hell are you hard again?”

“Well, duh. Sexy freckled guy on my lap kissing me. My dick doesn't care that you're my best friend,” Cas replied dryly, stifling the moan on his lips when Dean moved, causing Dean’s ass to rub over his throbbing cock.

Dean grinned and kissed him again.

"I think we should stop," Cas murmured before he softly pushed against Dean's chest. He hated himself for it because he wanted nothing more than to take this further. But he knew this would just end in heartbreak. And he needed to protect his heart.

Dean’s flushed appearance, lips swollen from their kisses, was not making it any easier. He nodded and slipped off of Cas’s lap. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Cas leaned back with a sigh and looked at the ceiling, trying to calm down his breathing. “I’m glad you’re here, Dean.”

There was a beat of silence before a barely audible, “As long as I don’t live with you anymore.”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. He had no idea how he could explain this to Dean without revealing too much, about his feelings. "I'm sorry that I had to do that. Can you please just trust me on this decision?"

Dean sighed. “Dude, you know I trust you. It’s why I’m here. Just because you don’t want to live with me anymore doesn’t mean I want to lose my best friend. It just… sucks.”

"Yeah, I know." Cas turned his head against the backrest to look at Dean. "It sucks for me too. I miss you, Dean. But I need this. I need to find my place in the world, and I need to do it on my own." He reached over to take Dean's hand, squeezing it. "And I don't want to lose you because of my issues. I can't lose you." 

Dean squeezed Cas’s hand back. “You won’t, I just need some time to lick my wounds, you know? But you won’t lose me; like I said, Winchesters are harder to get rid of than glitter. And besides, Mom and Dad would never forgive me if you and I stopped being friends. Hell, they’d probably disown me so they could keep you.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "Well, I plan on keeping you in my life, so there is no need for drastic measures."

Dean spit in his hand and held it out to Cas in offer. “Promise?”

Cas grabbed Dean's wrist and pulled him towards the bathroom, turning on the water in the sink to wash the spit off, despite Dean trying to wiggle out of it in protest. "You want to share bodily fluids with me, you need to do it the conventional way."

Dean rolled his eyes. “You’re so weird. We literally just swapped spit with our mouths.”

"It's different when I'm horny. Which I'm not now." 

Suddenly Dean shoved him against the wall, his lips a breath away from Cas’s as his right hand slid up against Cas’s neck. “You sayin’ you won’t kiss me unless you’re horny?” he murmured as he tilted his head, leaning in closer, lips a breath away.

"No," he breathed out before he turned them around and pressed Dean against the wall, lifting him up into his arms, now even closer. "I meant you make me instantly horny when you kiss me."

Dean groaned as he bucked against Cas. “Sounds like I’m your kryptonite, Superman.”

“I thought I was Batman,” Cas replied before he let Dean down again. 

“You used to be, then you left Wayne Manor to live with your new adopted family,” he said with a sweet smile as he pressed a kiss to his cheek, “where you belong.”

Cas smiled at Dean and pressed a swift kiss on his cheek. He scooped Dean up in his arms and carried him over to the living room. "Well, if I’m Superman, I guess I’ll have to start carrying you around and saving you, right?"

Dean furrowed his brow. “How’d I end up being Lois Lane?”

"Because you didn't protest quickly enough." Cas smirked. "Now you're my girlfriend."

Dean chuckled. “Pretty sure that’s not how that works.”

"Are you sure?" Cas chuckled before he carefully dropped Dean onto the couch. "’Cause I really thought that is how you do it."

“How you ever got a boyfriend before I did, I’ll never understand,” Dean said, followed by poking his tongue out at Cas.

"It's my charm and my resilience, I think." He tapped Dean's nose. "Are you saying you don't want to be my girlfriend, Lois?"

Dean chuckled and relaxed against the couch. “I love how weird we are.”

Cas sat down next to him, leaning against Dean's shoulder. He gave him a soft smile. "Yeah, me too."

And just like that, Cas knew they would be okay.

**.... :::: :::: ....**

“Cas! Where the hell did you put my jacket?” Dean called out as he rifled through the stuff strewn all over his bed. Dean had talked Cas into a weekend festival in Michigan; a three day concert with hundreds of different folk and cover bands. He was sold when he found out there would be at least four Led Zeppelin cover bands.

Moving back in with his parents had been both a good and bad thing. Good for Dean’s wallet, bad for keeping track of his stuff. At least when he lived with Cas he tried to clean up after himself. Hence the current situation in which he couldn’t find the leather jacket his grandfather had given him when he turned sixteen.

Cas looked into his room, holding his jacket before he threw it at Dean. “You left it downstairs in the kitchen.”

Dean groaned as he slipped it on and started grabbing some clothes for their trip, that they should have left for – Dean looked down at the ridiculous  _ Jurassic Park _ watch Sammy had gotten him for his birthday – ten minutes ago.  _ Shit!  _ He really needed to stop putting things off until the last minute. “And you already got our road snacks?” he asked as he just grabbed random clothes that smelled clean and shoved them into his duffel bag.

"Yes, honey. All packed and loaded in the car your dad has so graciously allowed us to take. Chop chop, we're already late."

Dean rolled his eyes. “I want a divorce.” he murmured.

"What was that?" Cas asked as he took Dean's bag.

“I can’t live without you?” he offered with an innocent tone. 

Cas squinted his eyes in suspicion. “Huh… alright, I’ll take it. Also, I bought your favorite gummy bears for the trip.”

Dean grinned and pressed a quick kiss to Cas’s lips. “You really are the friggin’ best.”

Cas winked at him and they left the house. Cas held the door open for Dean to get behind the wheel before he put Dean's bag in the trunk. When he settled next to Dean in the passenger’s seat, he sighed. "I hope you have some good music for the trip."

“Of course I do,” he said as he reached back to grab the box of cassettes. Dad’s car didn’t have a CD player, but Dean almost preferred that. He found his favorite mixtape that Dad had made for Mom, nothing but Zeppelin and Beatles, and handed it to Cas. “The perfect mix for a five hour drive.”

Cas flashed him a bright smile and put it in before he leaned back with a contented sigh. "I love going on roadtrips with you."

“Ditto.” Dean started the car and let her warm up for a few minutes. “You make long trips bearable.”

Cas’s smile faltered after a moment. "So, Sam told me you're dating again? Someone called Gina?"

_ Damnit! _ Cas always got weird when Dean’s dates got brought up, so if it wasn’t serious, he always tried to keep it on the down low for Cas. No point in him getting all concerned and worried when it probably wasn’t going to go anywhere. “Uh, yeah. She’s training to be an EMT too. It’s nothing serious. I swear if it was, I’d have told you.”

"You don't have to tell me." Cas shrugged and looked out of the window. "I was just curious how it was going."

“Hey,” Dean started as he grabbed Cas’s hand, making sure to keep his eyes on the road, “it’s not like I don’t want to tell you.”

Cas squeezed his hand before he gave Dean a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I know. So, how is she? Girlfriend material?"

Dean shrugged. “Great lay, a lot of fun, but I’m pretty sure you, Mom, and Dad won’t be a fan of hers. She’s, uh… she’s a lot like Rhonda.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, I’m actually starting to get what you like about people like her."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “You can’t say shit like that to me and not continue. Explain yourself, mister.”

"Mister?" Cas leaned back with a smug grin. "Remember Darla?"

Dean chewed his lip in contemplation. The name sounded familiar, but he didn’t know why. “Should I?”

“The girl you brought over the day we had our fight?”

That was when it clicked. Dean couldn’t help but give Cas a surprised, yet impressed look. “Seriously? You hooked up with her? When?”

"It’s happened a few times now, actually. She came back 'cause she forgot her pager." Cas shrugged and gave Dean a careful look. "Are you pissed that I hooked up with her?"

Dean barked out a laugh. “Pissed? Dude, I’m proud as hell. And I don’t get to be pissed, it’s not like I can call dibs on a human being.”

“But still. She was your hook up.” Cas shifted so he could look at Dean. “I like that she doesn’t want anything serious. She just calls me when she is horny, and asks if I have time.”

_ Damn. _ He never pegged Cas for something so casual. “You continue to surprise me.”

"Why?"

“Just never thought you’d be about casual hookups.” Dean smiled at him. “She’s not playing with your emotions, right? You don’t secretly want to marry her or anything?”

That was met with a sharp bark of laughter. Cas shook his head. "A hard no on that. No, it actually is the perfect solution. No strings attached is exactly what I need right now."

Dean nodded, unable to refrain from showing how impressed he was by his best friend. And the weird relief he felt about it. “Hey, whatever works for you.”

"It gets my mind off things," he mumbled before he stretched his arms over his head. "I have a lot to do at the moment."

“How’s classes?” Dean asked as he pulled onto the freeway.

"Exhausting. I think at the moment I'm only studying, and then I go to work before I study again. I don't sleep enough." And Dean could actually hear how tired Cas was.

“Sprawl out, take a nap while I drive. I’ll watch over you.”

"Can I put my head on your lap?" Cas asked with a soft smile.

“Sure,” Dean murmured as he waved for Cas to come closer.

Cas slid over and carefully rested his head on Dean's lap. Dean could feel the way Cas’s body relaxed. "Oh. man, nice and cozy. So, since you're now my guardian angel watching over me, can you cover me with your wings?"

“Dude, I’m the farthest thing from an angel.”

"Yeah, that's probably true." Cas chuckled, his fingers trailing over Dean's knee. "But you know what. Wings or no wings, I would prefer you over any angel."

Dean smiled down at Cas. “Me too.”

Cas hummed. "When we were younger I once dreamed I was an angel, and I saved you from Hell. Weird, right?"

More than weird. That sounded like something straight out of some cheesy teenage vampire slayer type of show. Dean shook his head. “What the hell were you smoking, and why didn’t you share?”

Cas chuckled and pressed his face into Dean's leg. “Are you seriously saying you never dreamed weird shit? Come on, what was the weirdest dream you ever had?”

Dean didn’t really remember his dreams, other than that really vivid dream the night they went out for Dean’s eighteenth birthday. A dream that ended up being the focal point for a lot of his jerk off sessions. But there was no way in hell he was telling Cas the one dream he had was of his best friend fucking him stupid. He’d lied that morning and he would cling to that lie. “Other than the Gunner dream, I don’t really remember them.”

“Probably for the best. I mean, if you dream of flying cows and dancing cookies… it’s not something worth remembering,” Cas mumbled against his leg. “It’s shitty that you can’t have awesome sex dreams often. I only had one in my life so far, and it was perfect.”

“Really?” Dean asked, unable to quell his curiosity. Cas wasn’t that open about his sex life, so anytime he brought it up, Dean always took the bait. “Tell me about this perfect sex dream.”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t just the sex that was awesome… it just felt so real… like being with someone who loves you. Like it meant something.”

Dean ruffled Cas’s hair. “And you give me shit over my chick-flicks. Never again.”

“Shut up,” Cas grumbled as he squeezed Dean’s knee. “It was nice to have a boyfriend, you know? Sometimes I just miss that."

Cas didn’t talk about Luke much, and Dean never pushed. The whole thing went so sideways so fast, he was just glad he was able to be there for Cas through it all. Dean gently caressed Cas’s cheek with the pad of his thumb. “You ever hear from Luke?”

"No," Cas replied quietly. "He completely ignored me. Never tried to reach out to me. And I can't blame him."

Well, Dean could. While he didn’t have a concept of not being accepted by his family – he really was a lucky bastard and winner of the parent lottery – but still… Cas was worth it. Even if Dean did have douchebag, homophobic parents, he wouldn’t hesitate to flip them the bird and march his happy ass to Boystown with Cas on his arm. Not that they were like that. Dean kind of hated how much of a crush he still had on his best friend. But they had found a happy medium, best friends who sometimes made out. And Dean got to pretend for those few moments.

“If you were my boyfriend, I never would’ve let you go,” Dean confessed, flashing him an earnest smile before turning his attention back to the road.

Cas hummed, and gave him a quick smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "But you don't have Luke's father. Luke was abused by him his whole life... you have no idea how afraid he was of that guy. It left him with scars, not only on the outside. And... I know that Luke seemed like an asshole most of the time, but when we were alone, he was a completely different person. Like vulnerable and sensitive. He was just fucking afraid, and I really can't blame him for that." Cas grasped Dean's arm and squeezed. "I could only get through that stuff with my parents because I had you, Dean. I don't know what I would have done to myself if I didn't have you." 

Dean furrowed his brow. He didn’t like the sound of that at all. He grabbed Cas’s hand and held it. “And don’t you ever. I will always be here for you, Cas. If ever you need me.”

“I know, Dean.” He flashed him another soft smile. "But I just wanted to... I don't know... I guess, I just wanted you to not judge Luke for his decision."

Easier said than done, but Dean didn’t understand where Luke was coming from, all he knew was he would go to the ends of the earth for Cas, and that was just as a best friend. The fact Luke didn’t even want to try… would always be unfathomable for Dean. “I get that I don’t get what he went through, but… you’re worth everything, Cas.”

Cas half shrugged. "We were still in school. Maybe if he hadn't been dependent on his father he would have made a different choice." Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. "It doesn't matter anymore anyway. But thanks for saying that. Too bad we're not in love with each other."

Dean let out a slightly choked laugh. “Yeah, can you imagine?” It was weird how much that brush off felt like a lie.

"Yeah," Cas mumbled before he shook his head. "It's better that we aren't. We would just break up at some point, and then we would lose our friendship, and that's not something I ever want to happen." He squeezed Dean's knee. "I need you."

Dean smiled down at him. “I need you too.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

After they finished setting up their tent, they decided to walk through the festival grounds. There were several tents in the sleeping area, and a fuck ton of booths for merchandise and food. Dean imagined this was probably as close to the real Woodstock as they were ever going to get, and he couldn’t be happier about it.

He looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder and smiled fondly at him. “You really are the best friend a guy could ask for. Thank you so much for this. Seriously.”

Cas leaned closer. "Would you want to marry me if I told you that I bought some weed for us?"

“Dude, seriously? If gay marriage was legal, I totally would right now.” Dean was damn impressed with Cas. Maybe the pressure of school got to him enough to take a well deserved break.

Cas chuckled. "Okay then, fake marry me, 'cause they will probably never legalize that." He pulled his rucksack from his back and opened it to show Dean the contents before he waggled his eyebrows. “Should keep us entertained for the weekend. What do you say?”

Dean got down on one knee and held Cas’s hand. “Cas, will you fake marry me?”

Cas lifted one leg and let out a girly squeal before he said in an over excited tone, "Yes, yes. I'm totally gonna fake marry you and have all your fake babies." He pulled Dean up again with a wink before he pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I think this calls for a wedding present. Let's check on the merch."

Dean chuckled and looped his arm through Cas’s as they made their way to the merch tents. While he was mildly aware of a few confused eyes on them, they were mostly being ignored. Plus side of a hippie festival, he supposed. People wouldn’t be as ignorant here. “And I vote we enjoy a celebratory joint before the first band.”

Cas didn't answer him; his gaze was suddenly focused on something. He pulled Dean over to a tent and grabbed a white Led Zeppelin t-shirt, then held it in front of Dean's chest with a critical look. "Yep, I'm buying you this one," he mumbled absentmindedly.

Dean caught the price tag and shook his head. “Dude, no. It’s too much.”

“I can't hear you,” Cas replied dryly before he put the shirt on the merchant’s table. “I’ll take this one,” he said as he handed over the money.

The guy, who’s eyes were so glazed over Dean was surprised he even saw Cas, handed him his change in a gruff pot-smoker’s cough before he turned back to his Asian Beauties magazine.

Dean let out a huff of laughter and as Cas handed him the shirt, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, fake husband.”

"You're welcome, honeybee." Cas smirked before he waggled his eyebrows and pulled his sunglasses down his nose. "Let's find a nice spot to sit and get cozy."

Dean nodded and, arms still looped together, they made their way through the maze of merch and food tents, until they reached the open field where people had blankets set up in preparation for watching all of the different shows. There was a nice, shaded spot under some of the trees, a little out of the way of the field, but they still had the stage in sight. It was too far to see anything, but they would still be able to hear the music.

As they reached the spot, Dean took off his jacket and laid it on the grass for Cas to sit on. “For you, my prince.”

Cas took a funny little bow and pulled off his backpack and handed it to Dean before he sat down. The warmth of the sun was really nice, not too hot, and Cas scrunched up his nose as he looked up at Dean. "Does that make you my princess?"

“Man, I really gotta stop trapping myself in a damn corner.” Dean laughed and moved to sit behind Cas, bracketing his legs around him as he leaned against a tree, essentially cuddling him in an upright spoon position. “And no, it makes me your jester.”

Cas leaned his head back against his shoulder. "I’ll only take that if we have a secret affair under the king and queen's noses."

Dean snorted. “Again, you really aren’t allowed to make fun of the next chick-flick I make you watch.”

“This is all your fault; forcing me to watch those movies. You make me all mushy,” Cas complained, but there was no heat to it. He sounded lazy, almost like a cat lying in the sun and purring.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s torso to pull open the backpack. Thankfully, wherever Cas got the weed, they were nice enough to roll it into joints. Less work for Dean, who was never as good at rolling as Rhonda was. “Do I wanna know who rolled these for you?” he asked through a laugh, before pulling one out of the ziplock bag.

"Darla. I asked her." Cas stroked his fingers over Dean's arm. "She made fun of me for not doing it myself, but I promised her a reward."

Dean arched his brow. “What kind of reward?” he asked as he pressed the joint between his lips and dug for a lighter.

"Take a wild guess." Cas chuckled before he shifted in Dean's arms so he could look at him. 

He should have known Cas wouldn’t kiss and tell. He never did. Dean chuckled and shook his head. “You’re gonna buy her a pony?” When he found the lighter, he mentally jumped for joy and lit the joint. 

"Actually, a unicorn. So, did she do a good job? You know, I'm not an expert, but she said it was good stuff."

Dean let out a soft cough as he puffed on the joint to get it to stay lit. After he took a deep inhale, followed by another cough, he shrugged. “Tastes good. We’ll have to wait a minute before I know if it feels good.” He handed the joint to Cas, who looked a little wary.

Without missing a beat, Dean smirked at Cas. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”

Cas raised his eyebrow. "Are you really trying to make fun of me because I’ve never smoked weed, Dean?"

“I’m not making fun, I’m just psyched I get to pop your cherry,” he murmured without thinking.  _ Shit. _ Maybe this stuff was kicking in faster than he thought. 

Cas gave him a flirty look over his sunglasses before he pulled them off. "So you want to deflower me?"

While the answer to that was a resounding yes, on all counts, instead of verbally answering, Dean took another drag and waved for Cas to bring his face closer. As Cas did, he closed the distance between them, blowing the smoke into Cas’s mouth. He drew back, but not before pressing a kiss to his lips. “Hold it in for a few seconds then exhale,” he whispered.

Cas's eyes were fixed on his, surprise mixed with something Dean couldn't pinpoint. After a moment, that seemed like it went on forever, Cas slowly exhaled before he coughed a little, scrunching up his nose. "That is a weird feeling in my throat."

“I’ll make it better,” he murmured as he leaned in to kiss Cas again. A slow, languid, loving kiss, but a kiss all the same.

Cas's breathing hitched, and he felt his fingers squeezing his arm before his palm slid up to Dean's shoulder and his cheek, holding him in place. His thumb rubbed gently over his cheek before he drew back, just a few inches, to look at him. "That made it better," he whispered.

Dean smirked. “Told ya’.” He held the joint out again and said, “Think you wanna try it on your own, or do you need to shotgun again?”

"Is that what that is called?" Cas asked before he slowly licked over his own lips. "I think I want you to do it again. Shotgun."

The fact Dean was relieved probably meant they should stop, before things got too close again. They had a really bad habit of going too far. Sometimes Dean wondered if they should just fuck, get it over with. But then he might lose the best friend he ever had, and that would never happen as long as he could prevent it. 

Instead, Dean took another hit and closed the gap again, exhaling into Cas’s mouth, cupping his cheek as he stayed there for a moment. Dean really liked the way Cas’s lips felt.

The way Cas was looking at him when he drew back was intense, the tension between them palpable, and Dean just knew they were on dangerous ground. Cas exhaled again before he started giggling, which thankfully broke the weird tension. “I think I’m starting to feel something.”

Dean chuckled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I have a feeling you’re going to be a cute stoner.”

Cas rested his head against his shoulder and stared up at him with a big grin. "I feel really good. So light."

Dean nodded in agreement. Maybe Dean should get the name of Darla’s dealer… He shook his head of that thought, seeing as he was training to be an EMT. Regular drug use was probably a bad idea. He held the joint out again. “Lips or joint?” he asked Cas.

Cas held out his hand. "I can try it, but don't laugh if I look stupid. I never smoked anything before."

Dean held the joint to his lips for him. “Just inhale slowly for a couple of seconds, should prevent too much inhalation.”

Cas wrapped his lips around the crutch, giving Dean a flirty look that made the movement a lot more suggestive. He squinted his eyes when he inhaled, and coughed again when he exhaled a few moments later. "Man, do you ever get used to the weird feeling in your throat?"

“I’m guessing if you smoke regularly, but I doubt it.” Dean took another drag before handing the joint to Cas this time.

"Yeah, I'm not making a habit of it," Cas murmured, when he coughed again after another drag and handed it back. "I'm hungry. I think I have chips in my bag."

Dean chuckled. “All kinds of prepared. Like a fucked up Boy Scout.”

“I also brought lube and condoms,” Cas added with a grin. “How fucked up is that?”

“You planning on getting laid this weekend?” Dean hated how annoyed he felt, so he focused on taking another hit.

“No… but I brought them just in case one of us needs them.” Cas touched his nose. “So if you find someone, I have everything with me. Especially condoms. Because I don’t want you to do something you regret again.”

Dean groaned softly. “You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?” He handed the joint back to Cas.

Cas took it and this time he didn’t cough when he exhaled. “I’m just worried about you, Dean. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Dean smiled down at him. “I promise I haven’t fucked anyone without a condom since that night.”

“Good.” Cas leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I want you to take care of yourself.”

He couldn’t resist tilting Cas’s face to urge him to kiss his lips too. “I know.”

Cas hesitated for a moment before he leaned in and kissed him. “I know I told you this before, but you have the cutest freckles.”

Dean chuckled, and gently swiped the pad of his thumb along Cas’s jawline as he handed him the joint with his free hand. “Well, you have the prettiest eyes.”

“Says the guy with eyes the color of fresh grass in the spring,” Cas replied after taking a drag. He chuckled. “Guess I get poetic with this stuff.”

“Is corny considered poetic now?” Dean teased as he quickly closed his lips over Cas’s to inhale as he exhaled the smoke.

Cas licked into his mouth with a groan before he buried his fingers in Dean’s hair. He tugged at it and growled against Dean’s lips. “Sure it is.” 

Dean exhaled with a shaky chuckle. He hated how good at kissing Cas was. It made his whole crush thing problematic, because it always made Dean wonder how good he was at other things. “You’re too good at that.”

"You make it sound like that is a bad thing," Cas purred, nudging his nose playfully against Dean's cheek.

“Definitely not,” he murmured as he looked at the roach, probably enough for one last hit. He held it out to Cas. “Want to kill it?”

Cas shook his head. "No, all yours. I got it for you anyway."

“One more shotgun?” 

Cas smirked. "Alright. But you don't need an excuse to kiss me, you know that, right?"

Dean rolled his eyes, took the last harsh hit and shut his best friend up by closing the gap between them, gently cupping his face as he exhaled the smoke into his mouth. He pressed a gentle kiss to Cas’s lips before he drew back. “‘Course I know, you can’t get enough of my kisses.”

Cas giggled again before he shook his head. "I never claimed to not get enough of your kisses."

The laughter was a little infectious and Dean couldn’t hold in his own laughter. “Kiss addict,” he teased, which pushed him into another fit of laughter.

"I can think of worse things to get addicted to," Cas purred as he softly bit Dean's lip before kissing him gently.

Dean smiled into the kiss. He loved this part about their friendship. The sheer level of comfort they shared. Sexually frustrating make out sessions aside, Dean couldn’t help but think that no matter what came their way, they would be able to face it. Whatever Goliath came at them. He drew back, unable to hide the contented smile. “I’m glad you’re my best friend.”

Cas blinked at the sun, before he slid back into his prior position; leaning his back against Dean's chest, resting the back of his head against Dean's shoulder with a contented sigh. "We're a package deal."

“Always will be,” he affirmed.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The concerts had been pretty awesome, but Cas was wiped after that day. Smoking weed for the first time in his life had been a fun experience, although the feeling hadn’t lasted very long. Dean told him that was pretty normal the first time. They had smoked a lot more during the day, and Cas just felt like a jellyfish when they finally got back to their tent. Cas fell down on the air mattress with a sigh, sprawling out like a starfish. “I’m so dead.”

“Well, we shared four joints and you’ve never smoked before,” Dean said through a laugh as he zipped their tent closed.

“It was a fun day though,” Cas murmured into his blanket. He chuckled when Dean tried to lie down next to him, groaning as Cas provided some space for Dean before he rolled back into his starfish position and trapped Dean under his body. “Caught you.”

Dean chuckled and easily relented, just accepting Cas’s trap. “Sure did.”

Cas turned to look at Dean. “You're not trying to escape?” 

“Why? You’re a nice, warm blanket,” he said as he turned his head and started a loud, fake snore.

Cas pulled Dean closer before he nibbled his earlobe. "Stop snoring, pillow."

“Can’t hear you, I’m a pillow,” he said as the snoring grew louder.

Cas pressed his palm over Dean’s mouth, muffling the snoring. “You’re pretty loud for a pillow.” 

Dean licked his palm before he tried to say something, voice still muffled.

Cas chuckled and rubbed his wet palm over Dean's shirt. "What?"

Dean grinned. “I said you missed an opportunity to silence me with something other than your hand,” he said with a suggestive eyebrow waggle.

Cas chuckled before he leaned closer and growled, “Are you saying you brought your pink dildo to keep your blowjob skills honed?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Actually, I’m pretty much where I need to be with that.”

Cas sighed when he felt a sting in his heart about the fact that a) he would never find out how good Dean was first hand, and b) how jealous he felt that Dean probably knew that he was great at giving blowjobs from the one night stands he’d had over the past year. 

He rolled off of Dean and stared at the tent ceiling with another sigh. “This was a fun day.”

Dean nodded as he turned slightly to face Cas. “Seriously. I can’t thank you enough, Cas.”

“You were the one who talked me into this, remember? I should be thanking you.”

“Well, yeah, but you coulda said no, then I would be sad and missing my best friend.”

Cas pressed his palm against Dean's face and playfully pushed him away. “As if I could ever say no to your cute freckled face.”

Dean quirked his brow and pursed his lips. “You have.”

Here we go. Cas rolled his eyes. “You will never forgive me for that.”

“Dude, I forgave you. Stop getting butthurt when I bring it up.”

“You keep bringing it up, Dean. It makes me think you still have issues with the whole situation.” Cas turned on his side so he could really look at Dean.

Dean sighed. “Does it hurt still? Yeah, but I get it, okay? We just can’t live together.”

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face before he gave Dean a pained look. “Dean… I don't like this either.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” he said with a sigh, turning onto his back again.

“You sound like you don't believe me,” Cas replied quietly before he turned onto his back too, staring up at the tent ceiling. 

There was a beat of silence before Dean said, “Look, I do believe you. I get it. It happens to everyone, and honestly? It was better in the long run. We could’ve ended up as two former high school friends who hate each other after living together.” Dean chuckled before he added, “or we would’ve ended up fucking and completely ruining our friendship.”

Cas gave him a half grin. “And seriously, sometimes I think we are a drunk night away from it happening. Especially when we’ve both had a dry spell.”

“Yeah, put two hot, queer guys in the same room…”

“It's a wonder that with all our kissing nothing has happened yet.” Cas turned towards Dean again. “But even though it's tempting as hell… I don't wanna risk losing you. Keeping on being your best friend trumps everything.”

Dean turned to face him as well. “Exactly. Even though I  _ know _ I’d be the best lay you ever had,” he said with an over the top eyebrow waggle. “Rock your nerdy, little world.”

_ Yeah, you would.  _ Cas flashed him a soft smile in return as he pulled off his shirt. He crossed his arms behind his head to stretch his body, enjoying the way Dean's gaze dropped to his abs. He waggled his eyebrows. “I only need to say two words.  _ Ten inches. _ ”

Dean’s jaw dropped for a moment, before he schooled his features and clearly tried to play it cool. “Like I didn’t already know that.”

“I know you know, but I thought you needed a reminder.” He waggled his eyebrows. “It's been a long time since you measured my dick.”

“Well, you may have an enormous cock, Mr. Novak, but I have a great ass,” he said as he twisted over to pull his shorts and underwear down just past his ass, flashing Cas a smirk over his shoulder.

Cas enjoyed the view before he playfully slapped Dean's ass. “I can't deny that. So, please wrap it up before I get more handsy.” And yes, his mind was questioning his sanity.

Dean shook his ass instead. “Maybe I want to sleep in the buff, you ever consider that?”

Cas threw the thin blanket over Dean's ass to cover it up. It was really hard to keep his fingers to himself with a sight like that. “Be my guest, but don't complain if someone steals your cute little ass during the night.”

“As long as I get laid in the process,” he said as he proceeded to undress fully under the blanket, tossing each removed article of clothing in Cas’s face.

Cas tried not to think about the fact that Dean was naked under the covers now. It was hard not to be affected. And yes, bad pun intended. He took in a deep breath before he turned to lie on his back, staring at the tent ceiling. “Don’t count on me to keep you warm if you freeze during the night.”

“Bullshit,” Dean said as he turned onto his side, “if I just give you my sad, pathetic face and go, ‘but, Castiel, I’m  _ cold…’  _ you’ll be cuddling me in no time.”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. Of course he couldn't say no to Dean. But Dean didn't need to know that. "It must be nice to have dreams."

In that moment, Dean pouted, eyes shimmering with unshed tears as his lip trembled. Damn him and his acting lessons. “You really wouldn’t keep me warm?” he asked in the most pathetic, heartbreaking tone of voice.

Cas hummed and bit his lip before he rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him close. "Alright you win. I hate you."

Dean laughed triumphantly as he cuddled closer to him. “No you don’t,” he sing-songed.

"No, I don't," Cas breathed and kissed the top of Dean's head. "Sleep well, Dean."

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean juggled the tray of burgers and fries as Cas carried their drinks to the outside patio. Even though it was friggin’ December, Cas liked the privacy of the outside patio at their favorite fifties diner. And Dean could never say no to Cas. At least they finally put up the heaters.

“How’s studying for finals going?” Dean asked as he slipped onto the cold plastic seat at their corner table.

“Slow.” Cas pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’m still good on my schedule. What about you?”

“S’what we’re doing here. Just aced my last final for this semester. One more semester and I take the state exam,” Dean said triumphantly. He was so close to being done with friggin’ school. He was so psyched, and he had no idea how Cas was going to deal with going to med school when he completed his four year degree. But then, Cas liked school.

Cas smiled at him then. “I’m proud of you.”

Dean grinned before he grabbed a handful of fries and stuffed them into his mouth. “Proud of you too,” he said around the fries.

Cas gave him another smile before he stole a fry from Dean’s plate, quickly munching away. “I can’t wait for the holidays. I really need a break. I studied so much that I started doing weird shit. Like putting my half full coffee mug into the fridge, for some reason.”

“Guess that’s one way to get an iced coffee?” he suggested through a laugh. Dean loved how easily distracted Cas could get sometimes. 

Cas scrunched up his nose. “Yeah, that was a lot better than washing my apartment keys in the washing machine.”

Dean barked out another laugh. He clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “You’re such a weirdo.” Oh, yeah, speaking of weird… Dean leaned in close and waggled his eyebrows. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Shoot.”

“You remember Gina, right?”

“Yes,” Cas replied slowly.

Dean thought back on the memory fondly for a moment before he said, almost conspiratorially, “When we hung out the other night, her best friend was over too, and well…” he waggled his eyebrows at Cas.

"You had a threesome?" He whispered disbelievingly.

Dean tapped his nose and pointed at Cas. “Bet your ass.”

"How was that?" Cas asked with a half grin.

“Pretty awesome. Maybe not something I’d want to, you know, have on like a permanent basis, but yeah…” 

“Too exhausting?” Cas asked with a grin. “I mean, it can’t be easy to pleasure two girls at the same time. Unless they are helping out.” Cas got a faraway look, and it was clear that he was picturing it.

Dean nodded. “They were.” He took a bite of his burger and focused on Cas again. “What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve done? You never talk about your sex life.”

Cas shrugged. "I'm pretty boring. Never did a threesome."

He should have known better to try and ask, but that didn’t mean Dean wasn’t above trying to get Cas to be more forthcoming. “Come on, dude. You’ve never… I don’t know… let a chick plow you with a strap on? Or had sex in public? Something?”

Cas shook his head. "No. Also, at the moment I don't have a sex life. It's all books and studying." Cas chuckled. "And now ask again why I poured sugar on my eggs this morning."

“Aww, Cas,” Dean chuckled. Before he could say anything else, he could have sworn he heard someone call his name. Dean furrowed his brow and looked around, and that’s when he saw her.

Cassie was crossing the street, heading in their direction, waving at Dean.

Without thinking, he dropped his burger, wiped his hands on his jeans, and bolted up, meeting her half way as he pulled her in for a hug. “The hell are you doing here?” he breathed against her neck as he just held on.

"Hey, Dean." She laughed and pulled him tighter. "I just moved here for college. I wanted to call you to surprise you, but I guess that isn't necessary now."

Dean shook his head in amazement as he guided her to their table. “That’s so awesome. I can’t even. Cas! Look who moved here for college!” Dean pulled out a chair for her.

Cas flashed her a friendly smile before he hugged her. "Hello, Cassie. Long time no see."

She raised her eyebrows in question and Cas shook his head, making Dean think that there was some silent communication going on between the two of them. "Yeah, I'm really happy to be here. From small town girl to the bug city. I hope you guys will show me the night life?"

Dean nodded, still reeling from seeing her again. And he swore she got even prettier. “Hell yeah. We’ll gladly show you around. So, where are you living right now?”

Cassie smiled and said, “I just moved into the dorms at the University of Chicago. My roommate is… she’s kind of weird, but seems nice.”

“What are you studying?” Cas asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Journalism. How about you guys?”

Dean grinned. “I’m just getting my EMT certification. Cas here is working on becoming a doctor.”

Cassie’s eyes widened. “That’s awesome.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, we’re both going into the life saving business."

“Him more than me,” Dean said with a wink in Cas’s direction. “So, journalism, huh? Wanna be April O’Neil?”

Cassie rolled her eyes at Dean and flicked his arm. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Why?” Dean waggled his eyebrows. “You like when I’m a dick.”

"Dean, you can only be April if you have four turtle friends. Get your facts straight." Cas grinned before he looked at Cassie. "If you have a boyfriend with a hockey mask though, you're on your own."

Cassie let out a dreamy sigh. “Casey Jones  _ is _ pretty fine.”

“Hey!” Dean called out as he waved his hand in front of her face. “What about me?”

“What about you, Dean?”

"Do you seriously think you can beat Casey Jones?" Cas asked with a chuckle.

Dean stood up and flexed, before kicking his right foot up on the table in the manliest pose he could muster. “Tell me I can’t,” he challenged them.

Cassie rolled her eyes and tried to tug him back to sit down, but he was too quick and dove forward, lifting her into his arms as he started carrying her away. She kept laughing, playfully smacking his chest. “Put me down!”

“Uh, uh, not until you tell me I’m sexier than Casey Jones,” he said as he tightened his grip around her.

"Okay, okay. You made your point." Cassie laughed, and Dean really liked the sound of it. "You are so much sexier than Casey Jones. Now put me down, King Kong."

Dean carefully let her down, a little breathless from the effort. Cassie was smiling up at him, and damn… how could he forget how pretty she was?

Cas cleared his throat and pointed at the clock. “I hate to cut this short, but we had plans, Dean. Remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said absentmindedly, a little out of it from staring at her.

They said their goodbyes, Dean and Cas heading towards the L station, while Cassie walked the other direction, probably back to campus.  _ Shit. _ He didn’t even get Cassie’s number, or give her his new cell phone he got as an early birthday present from Mom and Dad.

Dean held his finger up at Cas before he darted back, running to catch up with Cassie. When he reached her, she looked at him with a bemused smile.

As he caught his breath, without even thinking about it, Dean asked, “Will you have dinner with me?”


	5. 1999 - Scar Tissue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: FIRST, the following warning:
> 
> **Viewer discretion is advised** : TW/CW for depression, suicidal ideation, and an almost attempt. 
> 
> The beginning of this chapter is... rough. No, joke loufas and jellyspoons, but, if it makes you feel better, we make up for it (at least, we hope so).
> 
> second: HOLY SCHNIKES daily updates???? 
> 
> christ no, but I've been on a roll with the edits the last couple days. I'd love to say you'll get the last three chapters in the next three days, but if I fail, y'all will call me a liar, and it'll be a whole thing... I can just definitely promise we don't end this prequel unmaking eight years worth of character development for the sake of a faux intellectual approach to death by giving it both all meaning and no meaning, while jerking ourselves off with the tears of fans.
> 
> Ahem. Anyway, yay! Chapter 5!

**1999 - Scar Tissue**

Tears ran over his cheek as Cas carefully put some hustle butter deluxe over his freshly inked skin. It didn't hurt much, but the tattoo wasn't the reason for his tears.

He traced the letters carefully with his fingers. Enochian – a made up language for made up angels. He had translated one of his favorite quotes into this language. “Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in one.” It felt like his last act of defiance against his mother.

His gaze fell on his reflection after he scrubbed his tears away from his cheeks and washed his hands. He looked tired; bags under his eyes from last night’s drunken escapades.

Cas sniffed, pondering if he should shave, but then again… there was no one around who would be bothered by his facial hair. He hadn’t even seen Dean in a few weeks, and he knew he was busy with Cassie. They had been together for six months now, and he knew that Dean had planned something big for their anniversary. At least he didn’t have to witness it. Living alone had been the best decision of his life. 

Cas walked over to the fridge and opened it, staring at its contents for several minutes without seeing anything before he closed the door again and went back to his bed. He slumped down on it and just laid there without moving. 

The clock was ticking in his otherwise quiet apartment. His thoughts wandered back to a few days prior. When he had walked out of the hospital after a pretty long shift, and ran into his mother. 

His heart clenched as he recollected the look on her face. The disapproval, the disdain. He had looked away then, his mother sneering at him, mocking him that he was too prideful and that he couldn’t even greet his own mother. He ran away, his heart pounding so loud in his ears that he couldn’t even hear his own thoughts.

Cas had thought he was over his family, but he knew he was bullshitting himself. And those few seconds of being confronted by his mother had shown him that. He was still this little kid, seeking her approval. An approval he would never get. No matter what he did.

He had done everything. He had been good at school, he had been good at sports. But no matter what he did, it was never good enough. Like his mother thought he came off the line with a crack in his chassis. Broken. Something bad that just couldn’t be fixed.

Cas stared at the ceiling for hours. He couldn’t move, and his thoughts were circling, leading to nowhere. His cell phone beeped a few times, but he couldn’t be bothered to get up. 

He wondered if anyone would miss him if he was gone.

Dean would. He knew that. He would be sad for some time, but he would eventually get over it. He had a girlfriend now. It was getting pretty serious. Dean didn’t need Cas anymore. No one needed him.

There was a bottle of Halcion in his drawer his therapist had prescribed for his insomnia. If he took them all, and drank the entire bottle of whiskey… that could take him out.

He got up mechanically and walked over to the kitchen, feeling numb. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and returned to his bed, unscrewing the cap before he started drinking.

In that moment he was startled by the ringing of his landline. He thought he had unplugged that thing.

He ignored it and opened the drawer, finding the pills. He held the pill bottle in his hand for a long moment before he drank more of the whiskey. He didn't taste it, just felt it burning down his throat.

The landline had stopped ringing and Cas leaned back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He nipped at the bottle, spilling a bit of whiskey in the process. It didn’t matter. He drank some more until the bottle was half empty. Cas poured a few of the pills into his hand, staring at them.

He just had to take them. His gaze wandered to the bottle, wondering if he had drank enough. He probably needed more alcohol to reach an overdose.

Cas startled when there was suddenly a knock at the door. The pills fell from his hand and some rolled under the bed. “Damn it,” he murmured, putting the bottle on his nightstand before he went over to the door. If that was a Jehovah’s Witness again, attempting to save Cas’s soul, they had another thing coming.

“What?” He growled as he opened the door.

Dean gave him a shocked, concerned look. “Dude. You look like shit.” He braced the back of his hand against Cas’s forehead. “You sick?”

Cas backed away from Dean and looked away. "I'm not sick," he slurred. "Shouldn't you be out with Cassie?"

“I’m supposed to meet her at the Berkshire room in thirty minutes, but I wanted to run something by you first, and you haven’t been responding to my calls.” Dean stepped inside, looking around the apartment. “Dude, when was the last time you cleaned?”

Cas crossed his arms over his chest. He needed to get rid of Dean. "What do you want, Dean?"

Dean furrowed his brow as he stepped closer to him. “You’re wasted. Why are you so wasted?”

"Why not?" He shrugged before he turned around and slumped down on his couch. "Was that the question you came all the way over here to ask?"

Dean slipped around the couch, now in his line of sight. Again. He was knelt in front of him, bracing his hand on Cas’s knee. “Dude, you’re kinda freaking me out here.”

Cas pushed Dean's hand away. He couldn't stand to be touched in that moment. "Dean, don't you think me not answering the phone could have been a clue that I want to be alone?"

“No, because you always try to call me back. And I needed to talk to you. I wanted to ask if we could work something out with the washer and dryer Mom and Dad bought us. I’m…” Dean smiled nervously. “I’m gonna ask Cassie to move in with me tonight.”

He already felt incredibly numb, but still Dean's words hurt more than he had anticipated. "You can have both." Not like he was going to need them.

Dean gently grasped Cas’s chin. “Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

Cas pushed Dean away and got up from the couch. "Stop touching me, Dean! You can have the dryer and washer. I don't care. Can you please just go now?"

“Why are you being like this?”

Cas stared at Dean for a moment, not knowing what to do. He couldn't hold back the tears that started running over his cheeks before he turned on his heels and retreated back to his room, closing the door behind himself. Cas sat down on the floor next to his bed, pulling his knees close to his body before he buried his face against his knee caps. Breathing. Just breathing.

The door was pushed open a moment later as Dean came rushing in, looking a little frantic. He quickly moved to the side of Cas’s bed, bracing his hand on the mattress next to Cas, but not touching him. “Talk to me,” he gently urged.

Cas shook his head, as more tears ran over his cheeks. "Just go away, Dean. I really don't want to see you."

He felt the bed shift, and just as the footsteps began to retreat, he could practically feel the tension in the air. When he looked up, Dean was crouched down with a handful of pills.  _ Shit.  _ Dean slowly stood and held his hand out. “Cas?” he asked, his voice shaky yet demanding.

Cas looked away. Dean wasn't stupid. He could put two and two together. Cas just didn't know what to do now. Everything was blocked. He felt paralyzed.

Dean was on the bed, holding his hand with the pills in front of Cas’s face. “Cas, for the love of god, I need you to tell me what’s going on. Right now.”

"I want to die," Cas finally murmured before he looked up at Dean, feeling lost.

Dean’s lip trembled before he dropped the pills. A solitary tear slipped down his cheek. “What?”

Cas reached up and used his thumb to wipe away Dean’s tear. "I'm sorry. I... just don't want to live anymore."

Dean grasped Cas by the wrist, keeping his hand on his cheek. “Why?”

Cas simply shrugged. "I don't know. I... everything started to go downhill, and I feel... I feel alone, and horrible, and just wrong..."

“You aren’t,” Dean murmured, shaking his head as he gently grasped Cas by the neck to brace their foreheads together. “You aren’t alone, you’re the best friend I have ever had. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Please… please don’t make me know what that feels like. Please.” Dean wasn’t the type to cry, not really, but suddenly the flood gates had opened, his cheeks now glistening with the cascade of tears.

Cas pulled him into a tight embrace. "You have a life now. You don't need me anymore."

Dean pulled back, cupping Cas’s face in both of his hands. “Bullshit. Bullshit I don’t need you. I will  _ always  _ need you. Do you hear me? My life wouldn’t exist without you. You are my life, and if you take it from me, you might as well take me out with you.”

"You're just saying that. You probably wouldn't have even noticed I was gone... No one would." He hadn't seen Dean in two weeks, and he just knew those periods would grow longer and longer over time, until he never saw Dean again.

The sob that escaped Dean was as surprising as it was painful. He carded his hand through Cas’s hair, clinging tightly to him as he shook his head. “I would notice. I would fucking notice, Cas. And it would fucking break me. I need you, I need you so much. Even if we don’t see each other as often as we used to doesn’t mean I don’t need you. That you aren’t the most goddamn important person in my life. Do you hear me? Please, please tell me you hear me. Cas, I need you. You’re family.”

It was the last word that reached him. Sadly for all the wrong reasons. The trigger that had brought this on in the first place. "I saw my mother a few days ago... You know the person that was supposed to be my family? Guess what? She still hates me."

“Fuck her, fuck that  _ cunt,”  _ Dean spat, pulling Cas in for a hug. “She isn’t your family. She never was. A bitch who could do the shit she did to you, allow the shit that happened to you to happen, isn’t a fucking mother. She’s a goddamn egg donor.” He drew back, gently caressing Cas’s cheek. “You know my Mom brags about you? About how goddamn proud she is of you for putting yourself through med school? And shit, don’t even get me started on Dad. He carries your basketball captain picture in his wallet, to show people he doesn’t know if they ask if one of his kids plays sports. We’re your family, Cas.  _ We  _ are.”

He couldn't stop the tears from falling. He had no idea Dean's parents did that. He knew they cared about him in a way, but he always thought it was more because he was Dean's best friend. He couldn't fathom why they would actually care about him when he wasn't even their kid. But carrying a photo of him, bragging about him... Those were all things parents were supposed to do. He was sobbing now, pressing his face against Dean's throat. "I need help, Dean. I can't be alone anymore."

“Okay, okay,” he murmured as he clung to Cas, “whatever you need. Whatever you need. I’m here, I’ll always be here for you.”

"I... I'm sorry for doing this to you. I know you have plans," Cas whispered, closing his eyes. And he meant it; even though Dean and Cassie's relationship broke his heart, he still wanted Dean to be happy.

Dean drew back, shaking his head. “Don’t be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about. You get me? Making sure you’re okay is way more important than some date, okay?”

"When I was thirteen, I was already in therapy for depression,” Cas confessed after a long moment. “My parents never talked about it, it was all hush-hush. I had medication back then… maybe I should start again.”

Dean nodded, gently caressing his cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I’ll get a list of the providers covered by Mom and Dad’s insurance for you. That way, if you don’t want to tell them, you don’t have to.”

"Thank you. That would help a lot," Cas replied tiredly. He felt exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Dean kicked off his shoes and pulled off his light hoodie as he pulled Cas with him to lay down on Cas’s bed. He held Cas against his chest, pressing kiss after kiss to the crown of his head as he gently rubbed his back. 

Cas sighed and started to relax, the tension bleeding from him like an open, raw wound. "I'm glad you came over," he whispered. 

“Me too,” Dean breathed out, gently grasping Cas’s chin as he tilted his head up to look at him. “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is, Jenny,” he said in his full-on Kansas accent.

"Run, Forrest, Run," Cas replied with a soft smile. He had no idea how Dean managed to make him smile again. But he was incredibly thankful.

Dean returned the smile before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. A kiss that spoke of relief, and gratitude. “We’ll always be like peas and carrots, Cas.”

"You're the pea in this metaphor. Just so we're clear," he replied before he kissed Dean again. It felt nice to be close to him again. He needed this. He was starving for closeness to someone again. Not just anyone though… Dean.

Dean chuckled and for once, didn’t come up with a smartass comeback. He just held Cas and pressed a kiss to his nose this time. “Always.”

Cas stared at Dean for a long moment before he murmured, "I have a tattoo now."

“What?” Dean asked, looking him over. “Where?”

Cas shifted on the bed before he carefully lifted his shirt, showing Dean his tattoo. The skin was still red and not very pretty, but it didn't matter. He needed a distraction. "It's a made up angel language. It says 'Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is only found in one.' I thought it would be funny to take something my mother believes in and uses to validate her hate, and turn it into this."

Dean stared at it for a moment, trailing his finger underneath it. He looked up with an almost awed smile. “That’s really friggin’ cool, Cas.”

It tickled and Cas couldn't help but chuckle lowly as his muscles twitched under Dean's fingers. "Thanks. I like it too."

After a beat, Dean playfully smacked Cas’s leg. “And fuck you for going without me. I want a tattoo now.”

Cas gave him a surprised look. "Seriously? What do you want to get?"

Dean shrugged. “Not sure. But if it can be a made up language, maybe something in elvish. Oh, or vulcan!” He appeared to get lost in daydreaming thoughts for a few minutes.

Cas chuckled and kissed Dean's nose. "I love that you're even more of a geek than I am."

“Can’t prove that.”

"I don't have to. You proved it by telling me you want a vulcan or elvish tattoo," Cas murmured, sliding his fingers over Dean's stomach. "Where would you even want it?"

Dean hummed for a moment before he smirked. “Tramp stamp?”

“Uhh, no, Dean. Please never do that to yourself.” Cas chuckled and pulled him closer.

“You’re right. If I get a tramp stamp, I should get a bullseye. You know, a cum target,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

"Ugh, god no!" Cas laughed, pressing his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "That's horrible. As your best friend, I forbid it."

Dean shrugged. “Too bad. It’s gonna happen now, and right above it will say, ‘Cas’s idea’.”

"Oh, no, please don't do that to me." Cas chuckled. "You should get the number of the amount of freckles on your body instead. I volunteer to count them."

Dean’s eyes shot open wide. “That would take forever.”

“I’m willing to do it anyway.” 

Dean let out a soft laugh. “You know what we should do? Get matching tattoos.”

Cas leaned back and gave him a long look. "Are you sure about that? You really want to get a tattoo?"

“Hell yeah,” he said in complete earnestness.

“You never told me,” Cas replied with a soft smile.

Dean gave him a pointed look. “Neither did you.”

“Yeah, well… I was afraid you would think it’s stupid,” Cas confessed after a moment.

“Nothing about you is stupid, Cas.” The look on Dean’s face meant he was serious.

Cas felt embarrassed at how much he had scared Dean, and how low he had gotten. It wasn’t like he didn’t know depression, but it had been a long time since he hit a low like that. “I’m really sorry, Dean… if I scared you.”

Dean sighed and gently cupped Cas’s face. “You scared the fuck out of me. I mean, shit… knowing if I’d just…” he shook his head, pursing his lips together before he forced a smile. “I know you’re gonna get help, but… can you promise me you’ll call me if you ever feel like that again?”

Cas sighed deeply before he nodded. He knew he needed Dean if he wanted to get through this phase. "Okay, I promise."

Dean let out a relieved sigh and pulled him closer, just holding onto Cas. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Cas hugged him back tightly. "Can you stay tonight?"

“Had no intention of leaving, whether you wanted it or not,” he said as he pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.

Cas closed his eyes with a soft sigh. He felt a lot better now, just because in his heart he felt reassured again that Dean would stay in his life. He had no idea how much he had needed that. He felt exhausted, and his eyes kept falling shut when he murmured, “Thank you, Dean.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

“You stood me up!” Cassie cried as she tried to shut her dorm room door in Dean’s face.

“Look, Cassie, I… I’m really sorry,” he pleaded, the bouquet of flowers now squished between his hand and the door he was trying to keep open.

Cassie let go of the door and stepped aside, which caused Dean to stumble forward. She had her arms folded against her chest, eyes still ablaze with her righteous anger. “I don’t care how sorry you are. You could’ve called, you have a cell phone now. I get that you had an ‘issue you can’t tell me’ about, but shooting me a text, or calling me was suddenly outside of your capabilities?”

Dean sighed, dropping the flowers on the desk next to Cassie’s bed. “I screwed up, okay? I just… I don’t have any excuses, I’m just… I’m really sorry.”

There was a beat of silence before Cassie said, “Do you want my forgiveness?”

“Of course.” It wasn’t even a question for Dean. He was willing to do just about anything.

Cassie schooled her features, it was one helluva poker face, the only movement merely an arched brow. “Tell me what happened. We’re dating, you’re my boyfriend. If we hope to have trust in our relationship, you should be able to tell me everything.”

Fuck. And while Dean knew she was right… this was different. It wasn’t his story to tell. Goddamnit, why didn’t he think to call her? Maybe this whole stupid fight wouldn’t have happened. He sighed and looked down. “I can’t.”

Cassie was quiet for a moment, as unmoving as a statue, when she shook her hair and cleared her throat. “Then I can’t trust you. I can’t trust you won’t stand me up again, I can’t trust you won’t disappear on me for hours, not answering my calls.” As though the wind was knocked out of her sails, she was incredibly quiet as she added, “And I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

Dean’s eyes widened; he stepped forward and tried to grasp her hand, but she backed away from him. “Cassie, please… please don’t do this. If I could tell you, I would, you’ve gotta believe me.”

She scoffed. “You can. You just refuse to.” Cassie turned and grabbed her purse. “Look, I’ve got plans with a couple of girlfriends. Take the flowers with you. I don’t even like flowers.”

Dean swallowed down the emotion that had caused a lump in his throat, but damn his telltale lip for its uncontrollable tremble. “So, that’s it? We’re over?”

Cassie stepped outside, waiting at the door for Dean to leave. As he reluctantly grabbed the flowers, she closed the door behind him and locked it. Finally, after she fixed him with a pained gaze, she cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry, Dean. But I don’t have time for this kind of drama. If you ever feel like you can be honest with me, you have my number.”

She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning on her heel and disappearing down the hall. 

Dean stood there dumbfounded for a few minutes. It hurt. It hurt more than he thought it could. And to think? As little as a day ago he was going to take a huge step. He was going to drop the L word and ask her to move in with him. 

And now he was painfully single.

As he made his way down the stairs, outside of the dorm, and back to the L, it all passed by in a blur. Like conscious sleepwalking. Nothing was being processed. Other than the deep ache in his heart. To such an extent, he didn’t even recall getting on the train, then getting off at his stop, and walking all the way home.

It was like a blackout, but still being able to see all of his surroundings. When he unlocked the front door and stepped inside, and his Mom greeted him, it all came rushing forth, like a tidal wave of pain. Dean dropped the flowers and rushed his Mom, pulling her into a hug before the first tears slipped out.

Mary hugged him back tightly, carding her fingers through Dean's hair in a soothing manner. "Hey, what's up, honey?"

Dean couldn’t get the words out at first, he just clung to her, a wave of gratitude that he even had this sort of outlet. He actually had his mother to comfort him, not everyone had that. He finally murmured, “Cassie broke up with me.” 

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Dean. Why? I thought you wanted to move in with her?" she asked, voice impossibly sympathetic.

Dean drew back, wiping his face with the sleeve of his hoodie as he shook his head. “I… I fucked up. I stood her up and… yeah.” He just wanted to eat an entire pizza to himself and pass out on the couch. Too tired for much else.

"She broke up with you just because you stood her up one time?" Mary asked in a disbelieving tone, before she drew back and added, "I'll order your favorite pizza."

Damn, he was the luckiest motherfucker on the planet. He nodded gratefully and made his way to the couch. “Thanks, Mom.”

"Of course. And if you need to talk, or just bitch about her to feel better, I'm right here." She gave him a thumbs up before she grabbed the phone and dialed the pizza place, a number she knew by heart.

Dean pulled his knees up against his chest. He really was lucky. But the problem was, he couldn’t go into detail about the breakup without violating Cas’s confidence. And there was no way in hell he was going to do that after Cassie broke up with him for refusing to do so. When his Mom was off the phone she moved to sit next to him. He leaned close and rested his head on her shoulder. “Can I ask you something?”

"Of course," she murmured, carding her fingers through Dean's hair again. Like she always did when he was upset, or sick.

“If… if your best friend, if something happened to her and she didn’t want you to talk about it, would you still tell Dad?”

His mom was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about it. "It depends. If I felt I couldn't deal with it on my own, I would tell John. He isn't just my husband, but also my best friend. And I trust him."

Dean sighed. “But what if… what if it was something really personal? That wasn’t your… deal to talk about?”

"Then I would keep it to myself." Mary shifted on the couch before she looked at Dean. "Is Cas doing okay? I haven't heard from him in a while."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. He had no idea how to answer her, short of lying outright. He shrugged and moved to rest his head in her lap.

Mary sighed before she murmured, "When you see him the next time, tell him we miss him, and remind him that he can always come to us when he has a problem, okay?"

Dean nodded. “I will. Maybe… maybe you can make your Winchester casserole for us this weekend? I’ll drag him over.”

She smiled brightly. “Dean, that’s a perfect idea. It’s been way too long since the whole family got together.”

That was too true. And maybe that was what Cas needed, to feel like he was part of a family again. To feel the wealth of the love of the Winchesters. 

_ Huh. _ While he was still sad about Cassie breaking up with him, in that moment he realized just how damn lucky he was. Yeah, it sucked, and damn did it hurt. He really cared about her. Hell, he loved her, and probably always would. First love and all that, but… at least he had his family.

At least he still had Cas.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

He had missed Mary and John, and even little Sammy, who wasn't little anymore, but had grown taller than Dean. He was happy when Dean had invited him over to family dinner, telling him it was not optional, and Mary and John demanded his presence. 

Cas needed it. In his mind, he was still reluctant to call the Winchester’s family home as his home too, even though he had lived there for a while. But still... there was a voice in the back of his mind that told him they only liked him because of Dean, despite the way they treated him, as if he was one of their own. He knew it was just his depression talking, but knowing that didn't make it any better. 

When Dean sat down next to him at the table, putting some orange juice in front of them, he leaned back to look at him. He was quiet today. It was weird. Like something was bothering him. "Are you okay?" Cas asked softly.

Dean nodded, giving him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, just a little tired. Studying for my certification sucks.”

Cas frowned before he leaned over. "Are you sure? Everything okay with you and Cassie?"

“Oh, uh…” Dean cleared his throat and shrugged it off as he grabbed his glass of juice. “We decided we were better off as friends.”

To say Cas was surprised by that information was an understatement. "You two broke up? When? Why haven't you told me?"

Dean shrugged again. “I, uh… I didn’t want you to worry.”

Cas instantly felt guilty. "Dean... I'm always here for you. Even if I don't feel well. I hope you know that." 

“I know, it’s just… it wasn’t a big deal.”

“You wanted to move in with her. How is that not a big deal?” Cas whispered because Mary and John had sat down at the table, closely followed by Sam.

Dean just smiled, giving him a pointed look before he murmured, “it just isn’t.” He turned to Mary and nodded with enthusiasm. “The casserole smells amazing, Mom.”

Mary raised her eyebrow at Dean as if she had detected the blatant change of subject too. Maybe Dean just didn’t want to talk about this in front of his parents, so Cas nodded at Dean before he turned to Mary. “Dean is right. Thank you for the invitation.”

“Family dinners need the whole family, son,” John said with a clap on Cas’s shoulder, “so, no invite required.”

Cas coughed and looked at the table, trying to calm down his racing heart. His chest ached with the sudden onslaught of emotions. Hearing John call him son, even if it wasn’t the first time, still made him feel vulnerable. He gave John a half smile, before he exchanged a quick look with Dean. “Thank you, anyway. I really missed your casserole, Mary.”

Mary pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “And I missed you, baby.” She proceeded to start serving them huge helpings of the casserole.

Cas really felt like he was home then, like part of the family, and he was angry with himself that he still had moments when he doubted that. Dean’s parents had never shown him otherwise; they had always treated him like their own. And although Cas might not understand the reasoning behind it, he could try to accept this as a truth instead of questioning it. He owed them that much.

His gaze fell back on Dean. He was worried about him, and although he was kind of happy that Cassie was out of the picture, he didn’t want Dean to suffer. He leaned over to Dean and whispered, “Hey, would you like to go out tonight?”

Dean smiled and shook his head. “I just want to be with my family tonight.” He slipped his hand under the table to grab Cas’s and squeeze it.

“Movie night then?” Cas suggested and squeezed his hand back.

“Perfect,” he said as he used his other hand to shovel a huge forkful of chicken nugget and mashed potato into his mouth.

Mary let out a disgusted scoff. “You are such a disgusting child.”

“S’why you love me.” It was a little difficult to understand Dean, considering his mouth was full as he said that.

“I don’t speak casserole, Dean,” Cas replied with a grin.

“I do,” John said as he stuffed an entire piece of garlic bread into his mouth and added a muffled, “Say it again, son.”

John and Dean proceeded to have an unintelligible conversation with each other, stuffing more and more food into their mouths.

Mary let out a disgusted chuckle and shook her head before she turned to Cas. “You’re the only one I claim now.”

“What about me?” Sam asked with a pout.

Mary leaned over and pinched Sam’s cheek. “You aren’t an adult yet, you could still turn into that.”

"I have a feeling Sam will turn out fine." Cas patted Sam's shoulder with a grin. "If you don't hang too much with my little brother that is." Gabriel was still up to no good in school, but at least at home everything seemed to be fine for him. Cas had told his brother if that ever changed, he would have a home with Cas. 

Sam poked his tongue out at Cas and picked at his food, apparently trying to find the least greasy parts of Mary’s infamous casserole.

Mary winked at Cas, and just as she was about to say something, John proceeded to speak through a river of gravy dripping from the corner of his mouth, down his chin. 

“Jesus christ, John, you’re worse than your son,” she said with an exasperated eye roll before she leaned over to wipe his face with a napkin.

John gave her a dopey smile and said, “Thanks, beautiful.”

At that, Mary’s ire seemed to fade, unable to hide the expression of sheer affection she had for her husband. 

Cas couldn't help but smile. His chest hurt a little as he wished he and Dean could have what they had. When he looked at Dean, he looked like a pig that had fallen into the manger. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his napkin, cleaning him up. "You uncultivated pig." He shook his head and grinned.

Dean practically beamed at him and echoed his father, “Thanks, beautiful.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "Beautiful, really? Not like handsome or sexy?`You're going with beautiful?"

Dean hummed, tapping his chin, before he smirked and said, “Yup. Beautiful.”

Cas shook his head before he grinned. "If you call me Princess Castielle, I'm going to murder you in your sleep. Just FYI."

In that moment, Dean jumped up on his chair and clutched his heart. “Oh, fair maiden, I beseech thee! Give me a favor for luck so I can return to you and make you a queen!”

Cas leaned over and kissed the tip of his nose. "That should give you luck." He grinned before he added, "You will need it."

John watched them in curiosity. “Is that the real reason you and Cassie broke up? Are you and Cas finally dating?”

Cas leaned back with a surprised look. "Um, no. We're not... dating." Damn, he wished that wasn't true. He gave Dean a quick apologetic look.

Dean rolled his eyes. “You guys know why, and why can’t Cas and I being affectionate just be that? Just be… best friends being best friends?”

Mary shook her head. “It’s not just how affectionate you are…”

Dean slammed his hand on the table. “We’re just friends!”

And for the first time since he’d met the Winchesters, John’s usually jovial expression turned stern. He stood up and looked at Dean. “Apologize to your mother right now.”

Dean shrank in on himself and nodded. “Sorry, Mom,” he murmured.

Cas felt really bad. Whatever he was feeling for Dean, Dean obviously didn't feel back, if he got so annoyed just by the insinuation. He looked at the table and took in a deep breath. He really needed to get over Dean. He was just his best friend. His best friend who was obviously still feeling down because of his break up with Cassie. He wondered what he could do to make him feel better. He needed to know why Dean broke up with Cassie. He hoped Dean would tell him when they were alone.

You could cut the tension with a knife, Dean was no longer being playful as he focused on his food. After two more bites, and Cas  _ knew  _ that Dean couldn’t possibly be full yet, Dean put his fork down and said, “I’m full, may I be excused?”

John sighed and nodded. “Yes.”

Dean dropped his napkin on his plate and pushed his chair out, disappearing out of the dining room, the sound of footsteps on the stairs following shortly after.

Cas looked up at John and Mary, putting his fork down. "Um, I... I’ll go up and look after him, if that is okay?"

Mary gave him a sweet smile and nodded. “I’ll save you both leftovers.”

"Thank you." Cas quickly stood up and darted up to Dean's room before he knocked at his door. "Dean? Can I come in?"

“Yeah,” was the muffled response.

Cas carefully opened the door, finding Dean lying on his bed. He walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, tell me what's wrong. Please."

Dean sighed and looked over at Cas. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be a drama queen.”

"Are you feeling down because you and Cassie are over?" he asked carefully.

“Maybe. Even though it was for the best. I don’t know.”

“Would you tell me what happened?” Because them breaking up was still a mystery to Cas.

Dean sighed as he propped himself up on his elbows. “She said it was too much, balancing a boyfriend and school. And I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to have to deal with my stupid shit on top of everything else.”

"I'm so sorry, Dean. I know you really loved her." Cas grabbed Dean's hand and squeezed. "And I don't want you to think you can't tell me stuff like that just because I have my own problems at the moment. I'm always here for you, you know that, right? So, if there is anything I can do… distract you, or whatever, tell me."

Dean squeezed his hand back. “I know you’ll always be there. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

"It's alright." Cas shook his head before he tilted it. "So, what do you want to do tonight? I will say yes to anything you suggest, so choose wisely."

“World domination?” Dean asked with a smirk.

“Of course, where do you want to start?” Cas chuckled and sat next to Dean, leaning against his shoulder.

“Canada? Seems like the easiest country to take first.”

“Yeah, good choice. Canadians are too nice. They will just hand us the key to the country if we ask politely. What country is next? I would say Switzerland, because we will need money."

“And chocolate.”

“And cheese,” Cas added with a grin.

Dean chuckled and nodded for Cas to come closer. “I think I need your clingy, octopus cuddling.”

Cas couldn't help the smile, but he hated how much his heart fluttered at Dean's words. He had been in love with Dean for five years now, and he was starting to doubt that his love for him would ever go away. 

He wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him close against his chest, before he wrapped the other arm around him as well, and his legs. "Full on octopussed you. And yes, that is a verb."

Dean hummed contentedly and wrapped his arms around Cas. “Exactly what I needed.”

“Maybe you should get an octopus for a pet.” Cas hummed against Dean’s hair. “Then you could have eight arms around you.”

“Who needs a real octopus when I’ve got you?”

"That is what everyone dreams of hearing." Cas chuckled before he started stroking gently over Dean's arm. "The problem with this position is that it's damn cozy, and I might fall asleep."

Dean carded his hand through Cas’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. “Me too.”

Cas purred into Dean's ear before he kissed his temple. "If I dream about something fishy and octopussy it will be your fault. I hope you know that."

“Octopussy,” Dean barked out with a laugh, falling into a fit of giddy giggles. He then put on a scottish accent, “Does that make you Bond, James Bond?”

"Depends. Are you my Bond girl?"

“I think I’ve got the legs for it, don’t you?”

Cas hummed, playfully skeptical. "Show me?"

Dean shifted and held up his left leg to pull his pants leg up to his knee. “What do you think?”

Cas hummed and stroked his palm over Dean's leg. "Pretty hairy for a lady."

“Love me, love my body hair.”

“And I do love you. Hair and everything,” Cas replied with a grin before he tickled Dean under his knee.

Dean yelped and shrank away from Cas. “Dick!”

“Worth it.” Cas chuckled. “Your reaction was priceless and you make the cutest noises, do you know that?”

Dean quirked his brow at him. “I thought you loved me,” he said with a pout.

“I do!” Cas replied before he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him close again. “”C’mere, I’ll comfort you.”

“Uh, uh,” Dean grumbled in an exaggerated tone as he tried to pull away from Cas.

Cas pulled him tighter. "Don't fight it. Come on, I know you want some cuddles." Cas laughed and pushed Dean down on the bed before he nuzzled his nose against his throat.

Dean let out an exasperated sigh. “Damn you and your cud–”

In that moment, the door opened and John walked in. “Look, Dean, I wanted–” He stopped short and stared at them with an incredulous expression, before he let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “Not boyfriends my ass,” he mumbled, turning on his heels and disappearing back through the door.

Cas slowly rolled off of Dean and gave him an apologetic look. "John seriously never knocks..."

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, he’s kinda bad at that. One day he’s gonna walk in on something he’s not gonna want to see, and it’ll be his own damn fault.”

“I can’t say I feel sorry for him. But seriously, after the pink dildo incident he should know better.”

“Right?” Dean chuckled and cuddled up to Cas again. “How are you doing, by the way?”

"A lot better." Cas pulled Dean tighter before he added, "It's still... hard, and I will probably have phases when I feel down again." He sighed and rubbed his fingers over own forehead. "I have to ask you something."

Dean nodded, carding his hand through Cas’s hair. “Shoot.”

"With depression it's always good to have something like a security network. A list of numbers you can always call when you feel... suicidal. I wanted to ask you if you would be that person on my list. That would mean you would have to be always reachable for me. If you see me calling, you have to take it. No matter the circumstances you're in." Cas swallowed against the lump in his throat. He hated to be a burden, but Dean was the only person he trusted to talk him away from the ledge. "You don't have to say yes, if you think it would be too much pressure." 

Dean cupped his cheek, expression serious and genuine in that moment. “I will; I promise I’ll always be reachable.”

Cas nodded quickly before he looked away from Dean. He had to. He felt way too vulnerable in that moment and he hated it. "Thank you, Dean. You... you are the only one I really trust with this anyway. But seriously... if it becomes too much, tell me."

Dean gently grasped his chin to turn him back to meet his eye. “You’re my best friend. You’re more than that, Cas. You’re family. It won’t be too much because you’re not too much. You get me?”

His eyes prickled with how much he was holding back his emotions. He quickly nodded, trying to shake them off. His voice broke a little when he said, "Can we change the topic now?"

“Yeah, yeah. How about we watch something? Whatever terrible Chuck Norris film you want.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. "No, no. Rules of friendship. You're the one going through the break up, so you can pick the movie."

Dean smirked. “Ever seen  _ While You Were Sleeping?” _

“Even that!” Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head. “My testimonial of how much I love you.”

Dean nodded. “Alright, let me grab it from downstairs,” he said through a groan as he tried to push himself up.

"You're getting old," Cas joked before he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over himself. "I'm keeping the bed warm for you."

Dean chuckled and pressed a kiss to his nose. “Want me to grab anything else? Soda? Popcorn?”

"Yes to both." Cas grinned and pulled the blanket higher. It smelled like Dean, so he inhaled a little deeper. "Don't leave me alone for too long in here."

“Yeah, right. I’m locking you in here so I can keep you forever.” He let out an entirely ridiculous evil laugh and rushed out the door with a dramatic flourish.

Cas could totally live with that. He chuckled before he leaned back and got cozy under the blanket, waiting for Dean to return to have a long overdue perfect night in.

It was just what he needed.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

As he waved Mom and Dad off for a long overdue date, Dean couldn’t retain the tremor of anticipation. Since moving back in with his parents, he almost never got time to himself anymore. Especially with how damn clingy Sammy could get. But Sammy was crashing at Gabe’s place and tonight? Tonight belonged to Dean.

After shutting the front door, and locking it for good measure, Dean made his way upstairs. When he reached his room, he locked his bedroom door too. Just because he didn’t trust his Dad not to suddenly storm in, despite being out on a date. 

Dean went to his window and watched his parents drive off. He really couldn’t be careful enough. And while his parents were damn easy going… Dean wasn’t one to press his luck. After about five minutes, with no sign of them coming back because they forgot something, Dean closed his blinds and made his way to the box he kept hidden in his closet.

Pretty apt placement actually.

There was an old, unused panel that led to a crawl space to the attic. Not functional anymore, for anything other than hiding things Dean couldn’t even show his best friend. The guy he trusted most in the world. Hell, even though Rhonda was responsible for it, even she never knew the extent.

Dean let out a sigh as he found the shoebox – labeled ‘Rhonda’s Shit’ on the off chance it was found – behind a couple of other boxes, and set it in his lap. He caressed the lid before pulling it off. The sight of a pair of red, lacy women’s panties, and matching garters caused a shiver of pleasure down his spine. 

Since that first time Rhonda made him put on her panties, something… clicked for Dean. And not like gender wise. He really liked his junk, his whole dudeness. But there was something thrilling about wearing women’s underwear, that turned him on like nothing else. While there was a slight narcissistic thrill, appreciating how he looked in panties, it was so much more than that.

With another quick double check for noise, Dean carried the box to his bed and started stripping, his cock already rock hard at the prospect. He just hated how much shame it brought him. Like the fact that if Cas knew… shit, it would probably be the weirdness straw that broke the (in Cas’s view) giraffe’s back. 

Dean brushed off those thoughts. If he kept getting in his head about that shame, that guilt, he’d never enjoy this, and he didn’t get to indulge enough. When Dean was naked, he grabbed the panties and slowly pulled them up his legs. The feel of lace against his bare legs making his cock twitch with need. 

When he finally pulled them over his painfully hard dick, he let out a soft groan. He remembered the day he bought them, walking into Victoria’s Secret like they all knew that he had a similar secret. That was when an older woman with bright red hair, and a pronounced Scottish accent, approached him with an almost knowing smile.

* * *

_ The redhead was in a bright green dress, eyeshadow to match, but not in a terrible Mimi from the Drew Carey Show kind of way. She looked elegant. The name tag said Rowena and she eyed him like a lioness on the prowl. He might have been aroused, if he wasn’t scared shitless. _

_ “Can I help you find anything?”  _

_ The way she looked at him, like she  _ **_knew_ ** _ why he was there, made him stumble over his words. “I, uh… I wanted to get something for my, um… my girlfriend.” _

_ Rowena arched her brow at him, like she knew the girlfriend line was complete bullshit. If she did, she never said it out loud. “What are we thinking? Lace? Satin? Something more functional?” _

_ Dean swallowed dryly and had to break eye contact. It was like she was a witch and could see into his soul. “Um, lace.” _

_ With a flourish of her wrist, she waved for Dean to follow her to a different section of the store. There were countless lace options, from bikini style, to thongs, to styles he had no idea what they were called. “What’s her size?” _

_ “Huh?” Dean asked, as though he were in a daze, under some kind of spell. _

_ Rowena laughed, a weirdly encouraging and melodic sound. “Your girlfriend, poppet. What size is she?” _

_ Shit! Dean hadn’t thought that far ahead. He knew he should have measured himself, tried to figure out what size he was in women’s panties.  _

_ As though she could tell he was panicking, Rowena gently grasped his shoulder. “Is she similar to you in height and weight?” _

_ As Dean looked up at her, eyes widened in terror, he merely nodded dumbly. She  _ **_had_ ** _ to know. _

_ Rowena smirked and nodded for Dean to follow her back to the dressing rooms. Before Dean could ask what she was doing, she pulled out a long paper measuring tape. “We’ll just measure you and that’ll get us close to her size.” _

_ Again, struck dumb by her weirdly intuitive help, Dean nodded. He prayed to a deity he didn’t believe in that he didn’t get a hard-on.  _

_ As the woman dropped to her knees, she started measuring his inseam. “What’s your girlfriend’s name?” _

_ And because he was panicked, and confused, and just a little turned on, he blurted the first name that popped into his head. “Cas.” _

_ “Cas?” she asked with a soft laugh as she wrapped the paper measuring tape around his upper thigh. “Strange name for a girl.” _

_ Dean’s laugh was only slightly hysterical as he agreed. Because even though they lived somewhere more progressive, like Chicago, a year ago Matthew Shepard had been murdered by a couple of bigots in Wyoming, just for being gay. And if that horrific murder signified anything, it was that queer people still weren’t safe. “It’s a, uh… a nickname for her.” _

_ Rowena clicked her tongue and nodded. A moment later she stood up and tucked the tape back into a drawer. “Come on, now we know your size, we can get you what you need.” _

_ “What my girlfriend needs,” he clarified, annoyed at how much his voice cracked. _

_ That was met with a smirk. “Right. For your girlfriend.” _

* * *

That woman absolutely knew why he was buying the underwear, but she never once brought it up. Dean knew he would forever be grateful for that. And still, the thought of the people he loved finding out brought him such anxiety, he knew this would be a secret until the day he died.

After Dean pulled on the garters, he stepped over to the full length mirror and looked at himself in the reflection. Another shiver of arousal spiked, seeing himself, feeling a weird mixture of pretty and truly depraved. Dean braced his palm against his erection, hissing in pleasure at the way the lace felt against his heated skin.

Quickly, Dean moved to his bed, sprawling himself out as he continued to writhe against the delicious sensations. It wouldn’t really take much for him to come, considering how damn turned on he was, so he soaked it in. He slowly slipped his hand beneath the fabric, taking himself in hand.

His favorite fantasy was imagining a man, usually Gunner Lawless, manhandling him, flipping him onto his stomach as he pulled the panties aside and just started plowing him. Dean quickly flipped onto his stomach, hand still wrapped around his cock as he canted his ass up for an unseen man. 

Face pressed against the mattress, he used his other hand to pull the panties aside. Dean fucked his fist a little erratically as he imagined Gunner admiring him, before slipping behind him. 

Dean groaned and released himself to reach over to his nightstand, grabbing the hot pink dildo and lube. He wasn’t stretched, but he kind of wanted a little pain. He sat back on his heels, a quick, rough prep with barely enough lube before he slicked up the dildo. 

He got back into his previous position, panties pulled to the side with one hand as he slowly started inching the dildo past the tight right of muscle. Dean groaned, eyes screwed shut as the delicious burn started blending with the debauched pleasure that was starting to overwhelm him. 

The silicone cock was a poor substitute, but Dean’s imagination was good enough. He started fucking it into him, imagining Gunner’s blissed out face with each thrust. Dean shifted so the toy started hitting his prostate and, because he was alone, started getting vocal. Moaning, crying out with each strike against the overly sensitive gland, muttering, “fuck me!” in between his inarticulate mumbling.

Dean picked up the pace, because he was close, so fucking close. He had heard about guys who could come from prostate stimulation alone, and in that moment he felt as though he might be one of them. He started slamming the toy in faster, harder, his moans growing louder and louder until he felt that familiar heat pool in his groin.

Holy fuck, he was going to come untouched. Holy fuck, holy fuck! And then Gunner’s face softened, his eyes turned blue, hair a darker almost raven color. When that toy slammed into him one last time, Cas was the man in his fantasy, and Dean’s come stained his panties.

“Oh, fuck,” he breathed out in ragged pants as what just happened struck. He came, and came the hardest he’d ever come, untouched even. And the man in his fantasy was his best friend.

_ Oh, fuck indeed. _

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas was happy that he and Dean had started spending a lot more time together. Sometimes they even met to study together in silence, for hours. He had missed his company, the reassurance that Dean was just an arm’s length away, right next to him. It was perfect.

But something had changed between them. For some reason Dean wasn’t initiating any physical contact anymore. He kept his distance. At first Cas was confused by his behavior, but then it clicked. Dean was probably still down because of Cassie, and Cas had to accept that he wasn’t Dean’s romantic substitute.

They were best friends and that was it. And Cas needed to get on that train already. It wasn’t good for his depression to keep clinging to the hope that he and Dean could become more.

He knew he would probably never stop loving him, but he needed to get used to the fact that his life would never be the normal white picket fence dream. And he had learned early in his life to adapt. If you can’t change the circumstances, change yourself and find a way to live with it. 

It was simple really. Cas loved Dean. He would never stop loving him. Even though they were best friends instead of lovers, Cas got everything he needed from his relationship with him. The support, the stability, the unconditional platonic love, and the blind trust and understanding only Dean could make him feel. The only thing missing was sex. And that was something he could get elsewhere. 

Of course it wasn’t ideal. But it was better than nothing. It was a lot better than not having Dean. Because finding a friend like that... was a rare treasure. He would never give that up, or endanger what they had now.

So he respected the line Dean was drawing, although he missed being physical with Dean. But he knew going there was always a risk, that it left him wanting more. 

Dean was making it easier for him this way.

They never talked about the change. It just happened. And as long Dean wasn’t instigating things, Cas wouldn’t either.

Dean's break up with Cassie was two months ago, and Cas had been seeing a therapist regularly since then. It was helping a lot, and he was feeling like his life was starting to get back in order, now that he was starting to be at peace with the situation between him and Dean. 

When he wasn't feeling depressed, he knew that Dean would always be with him, even if he found a girlfriend and it got serious. He knew that for a fact, because Dean hadn’t left him the day things got scary low, when he didn’t want to live anymore. Dean stayed by his side.

Thanks to his therapy and Dean’s constant support he was doing a lot better. 

That’s when Dean had asked him if he would go on a double date with him and another girl, because the chick he was trying to date only agreed to do it if they made it a double. Cas tried to be a good friend and agreed, but when he met the girl… he instantly regretted it.

They went out to Boystown to a karaoke bar, and the girl Dean was with was pretty, but kind of shallow. The girl Cas was stuck with though… man, she had the most annoying laugh. Cas kept throwing Dean glances everytime she laughed, hoping it conveyed that Dean owed him big for this.

Dean ordered them another round of shots, using the fake ID that Dean had made for them after his 18th birthday. As far as the bartender was concerned, they were Eddie Moscone and Alonzo Mosely from Midnight Run. Luckily, next year they wouldn't need them anymore. Dean made Cas’s a double, with an understanding look, before the squeal of microphone feedback prompted every patron to look towards the small stage area. 

There was a drag queen, in a full length silver sequin dress, a mile-high styled blonde wig, and eye makeup that was both flawless and a little too much. She hushed the crowd and announced, “Ladies! Gentlemen! And all variations thereof! It’s time for karaoke!”

Without even having to look up, he knew Dean was excited. Any chance he got to be the center of attention, he jumped at it. Another drag queen appeared at their table, flashing Cas a wink as she dropped a binder, a couple of pencils, and some slips of paper onto their table.

Dean didn’t miss a beat, he grabbed the binder and started flipping through it. From the grin on his face, Cas knew he found something. Dean tapped his date’s hand and said, “How well do you know Paula Abdul?”

That was met with a derisive snort and adamant shaking of her perfectly styled head. “Hell no. I’m not singing.”

“Awww, come on. It’s fun!” Dean tried to argue.

Another headshake. “I’m nowhere near drunk enough.”

This time, Dean turned to Cas’s date and waggled his eyebrows at her. “How about you?”

Cas was going to kill Dean for causing that nasally, awful laugh to come out again. 

“I can’t sing,” she said. And honestly, Cas was relieved, because if her laugh grated on him that much, there was absolutely no way in hell he was going to handle her singing well.

“Everyone says that,” Dean argued again. Cas resisted the urge to kick Dean.

“If you want to sing so bad, sing with Castiel!” Dean’s date countered.

Dean grinned at him and slid the binder in front of Cas, pointing at the song he had chosen.  _ Opposites Attract  _ by Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat. “You down?” Dean asked.

"Always," Cas replied before giving him a pointed look, hoping he would get the message to get him away from the girl. They had sung this song so often in the car, he knew they both had it down. 

The smile he was rewarded with would have sold him on doing it alone, if bright and hopeful green eyes hadn’t already bewitched him in the first place. Dean nodded and quickly scribbled something on the piece of paper, before he approached the main drag queen and handed it to her.

After that, Dean returned to his seat and grinned at Cas again. As the drag queens finished setting everything up, Cas found himself a little too focused on Dean’s excited mannerisms. Thankfully, both girls seemed to be as entranced as Cas, so thankfully no conversation was required. 

And then their names were called. “Our first singers of the night are going to be… Dean and Cas! Come on down, boys! And after that, get your asses to the stage.”

Cas jumped up and grabbed Dean’s wrist to pull him to the stage. The guy who gave them the microphones laughed when he saw their song choice and Dean just grinned at him, looking very excited. Cas wasn't a big fan of singing in front of other people, but this was not only the perfect excuse to get away from his horrible date, but also to sing "their" song together. It was kind of romantic. 

As the familiar chords echoed around them, he bit his lip to keep his laughter in check when Dean shimmied his shoulders. And without even talking about who would sing what part, Dean jumped right in, “Baby seems we never ever agree… You like the movies… And I like TV...”

Cas took over without having to think about it. The song was in his flesh and blood, and neither of them needed to look at the monitor for the lyrics. Cas couldn't take his eyes off Dean as they sang the song together, smiling at each other when they reached the harmony, "I take two steps forward… I take two steps back… We come together… ‘Cause opposites attract…”

Dean grasped Cas’s hand and spun him out, and back in. He was a much better dancer, and Cas learned long ago to just let Dean guide him. With his back now flush against Dean’s chest, Dean smiled at him over his shoulder, not once missing a lyric.

He was so incredibly sexy, and it was hard not to fall in love with him again right in that moment. They attracted a little group of people clapping and getting into the song, dancing on the dance floor in front of the stage. The energy was infectious, and Cas was really starting to have a lot of fun. He lowered his voice a little as he did the rap part, which was always his favorite part of the song because he didn't need to sing. By the time the song ended, the entire bar erupted into applause.

Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder and kissed his cheek. The drag queen host grabbed their microphones and announced, “I’d hate to follow you two! Let’s hear another round of applause for Miss Abdul and M.C. Scat Kat!”

They bowed and made their way back to their table. Their  _ empty _ table. Apparently Dean’s date and her annoying friend must have left during their song, if the lack of jackets and purses were any indication. Not that Cas was heartbroken by that.

Dean didn’t seem to mind as he moved to the stool next to Cas’s and grabbed the book. “Wanna sing another song?”

"Sure," Cas replied, giving him a quick smile. "So... guess your date had other plans?"

Without taking his eyes off of the binder, continuously flipping through the pages, Dean shrugged again. “Maybe. I’ll be honest, I’m kinda glad about it.”

"Yeah, man. Seriously, you owe me for that. You know that, right?" Cas replied with a chuckle before he drank the rest of the beer, that he had been nursing between the shots.

Dean chuckled. “Oh, I figured that out after she laughed that first time.”

"I wouldn't call that a laugh," Cas replied with a smirk. "I think I heard a dog whine every time she made that noise."

“Damn, Cas,” Dean said, “you’re as catty as these queens.”

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed at how badly he was talking about that girl. She probably wasn’t a terrible person. “Sorry, She really grated my nerves.”

Dean shrugged, flashing him an understanding smile. “I know. I’m sorry too. And thanks for stepping up to bat.”

"How are you planning to make it up to me?" Cas asked, because of course he would try to make the best out of the situation.

“I’ll be your slave for a week?” Dean suggested.

Cas mulled it over with a hum, scratching his chin. "Alright, I’ll take it."

Dean grinned brightly. “And I’ll start by buying you another drink,  _ Eddie.” _

"Thank you,  _ Alonzo." _ Cas waggled his eyebrows before he leaned over and whispered, "Could you imagine if that was your real name?"

Dean shuddered and shook his head. “Don’t even joke about that, dude. Although, if you knew who I was named after, it would probably be less shocking.”

"Deanna. Your grandmother, right? John told me, when he showed me all of your baby pictures," Cas said with a grin, leaning back in his chair. 

“Of fucking course he did.”

"You have the funniest baby pictures. I love the ones where you are sitting naked in a bucket of water."

Dean groaned and pressed his face into his palm. “That man has no boundaries!”

"Or the one when you were three years old and dressed up as a ladybug. Man, that was the cutest thing I have ever seen. The little dots on your cheek," Cas cooed, trying his best not to laugh.

“That’s it. Slavery offer revoked, get your own damn drink,” Dean grumbled as he feigned a pout and spun his stool away from Cas.

"Aw, come on, Dean. Don't be mad." Cas chuckled. "I know you still love me."

Dean turned back to look at him and narrowed his eyes. “No. Maybe… Shut up.”

Cas' smile grew wider. "You’re trying hard not to grin, aren’t you?"

Dean braced his hand against Cas’s cheek and pushed him away. “Dick.”

"I see the corners of your lips twitching," Cas replied with a chuckle as he tried to playfully bite Dean's hand.

Dean waved him off. “You’re imagining things.”

Cas prodded at Dean's cheek. "There it is. I can see it, It wants to break free," he sang the last part to the melody of the Queen song.

Dean chuckled and turned his head to capture Cas’s finger between his teeth. He playfully bit and drew back. “Next time, I’ll bite harder.”

"How did you know I like that?" Cas replied smoothly.

Dean groaned. “Go get us drinks while I pick a song.”

Cas winked. "As you wish."

While he waited for their drinks, Cas watched Dean as he thumbed through the book of songs with a concentrated expression on his face. Cas felt incredibly content in that moment. 

They had arrived at a very healthy point in their relationship. Although he missed the makeout sessions with Dean, he noticed that this was a lot easier on him. 

He could do this. Now he just needed to find someone for casual sex, and he would have everything he needed in his life.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

The year had flown by, thankfully without any incident. Cas was doing great, seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. Dean was so proud of him. While Dean was still worried a lot of the time, it was becoming less and less of an issue.

Still, when Darla invited Cas to a Y2K party in a basement in some sort of warehouse at the docks, Dean insisted on accompanying him. Not that he didn’t trust Cas to not take any psychotropic drugs, but people were shitty, and there had been too many incidents with people getting mickied.

Since Cas was going with a date, Dean didn’t want to feel left out, so he invited Gina. They still periodically hooked up, but it happened with less frequency now that Dean and Cas had stopped making out with each other, causing a severe case of blue balls almost every damn time. Dean missed it, but after that intense fantasy, it was clear that Dean needed to move past his weird crush on his best friend.

And considering Cas had no issue with no contact, Dean realized he had made the right move. He ignored the guilt of possibly forcing his best friend into a situation he didn’t like in favor of getting into the mindset for an epic New Years party. 

They all met at the L station and rode downtown together. Darla was pretty over the top with how much she was hanging all over Cas, and her pupils were dilated. Dean would bet money she took Molly before the party. Cas’s were okay, so thankfully he didn’t have to bitch his best friend out.

When they reached the warehouse, there was a large line that wrapped around the building, people being let in two at a time. Dean wrapped his arm around Gina’s shoulder as they got in line. He could feel the thumping vibrations of the techno music through the wall; an honest to god rave. Dean chuckled and looked at Darla, who was presently touching Cas’s lips, an amazed expression on her face. 

“How’d you hear about this party, Darla?” Dean asked.

"How did you  _ not _ hear about this party, Dean? It’s the world's end party!" She more or less sing-songed her reply.

Cas chuckled at that and rolled his eyes. "You know that isn't happening, right? The only thing that will feel world ending will be our hangover tomorrow."

“You never know,” Darla countered with a giggle as she cupped Cas’s face in her hands and stared at his eyes. “Did you know your eyes are blue?”

Dean quirked his brow at Cas over her head and mouthed, “Dude.”

Cas mouthed back, "I know." He looked back at Darla with a soft expression. "Are you sure, baby? The last time I checked, they were hot pink."

Darla gasped. “Really? Make ‘em pink again!”

Dean couldn’t hold back the laugh. He flashed a smile to Gina, who was bouncing on her tiptoes, clearly excited. He smirked at her.

Gina rolled her eyes. “Shut up. I’ve never been to a rave before.”

“That’s surprising,” Dean said with a feigned gasp.

When he looked up, Darla had jumped into Cas's arms and was kissing him... although kissing wasn't the right word. More like devouring him. “Uh, fuck Zil, you’re the best kisser in the world.”

Cas just grinned at her. “Tired of walking already?”

Darla nodded and slipped her hand to cup Cas’s dick. “I’ll just ride your dick to the rave.”

Cas growled and bit her earlobe, before he grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. She squealed and started giggling.

Gina started to laugh too, before she shook her head. "Why do you call Cas, ‘Zil’?"

"Because he has a fucking Godzilla dick!" Darla laughed and tried to show her the size with her hands.

Dean was unable to contain the bark of laughter. “Nice filter, Darla.”

Darla giggled again. "Filters are for pussies. Ah, man, I forgot my cigarettes."

Cas let her down. “Hey, that just means more kisses for you.”

Dean pulled out the pack he kept on him when he went out drinking. A bad habit he’d picked up over the last year, but he didn’t consider himself a smoker, seeing as he only smoked when they went out like this. “You can have one of mine.”

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean, when Darla cheered and made grabby hands. "Yeah, thanks for that,” he said, “and no more kisses for you. I'm not licking an ashtray."

Darla full on pouted before she waggled her eyebrows. “As long as I don’t smoke through my pussy, you’ll still eat me out, right?”

Dean had to give it to her, she was friggin’ brazen, and hilarious. 

"Sure, if you're content with that. But don't come crying when you want more kisses on those beautiful lips, and my tongue in your mouth." Cas rubbed his thumb over her lower lip, smearing her lipstick a little bit, but she didn't seem to care.

“Well, kiss me  _ now  _ then, so I can ration.”

Cas pulled her closer, leaving her in suspense for a moment before he drew her into a deep and passionate kiss. It was almost like watching softcore porn. 

Gina hummed. "We should totally have a foursome with those two. They’re hot."

If his best friend wasn’t completely off limits, Dean might have been on board. He turned to Gina and pulled her flush against him. “Don’t wanna compete with my best friend for your attention though.”

She raised her eyebrow. "Is he that good?"

Before he could answer, Darla giggled and said, "He fucks like a machine, and he has a Godzilla dick. Yes! He is that good."

Cas turned around and gave Dean a confused look. "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

"A foursome," Gina answered with a grin. "But Dean already opted out."

Cas's eyes met Dean's for a moment and it was hard to read his expression. Cas shook his head then. "Yeah, I'm with Dean on that. It would just be weird. Dean and I are like brothers."

_ Damnit.  _ Everytime he thought his crush was fading away, or he had control over it, something would remind him he still very much wanted to find out first hand what the hell Darla was talking about. Time to shift attention; he turned to Gina and cupped her cheek. “But if you find another couple you want to wrangle for a foursome, I’m down.”

"Yes!" Gina made a fist pump. "You're awesome, Dean." She leaned over for a kiss. One that instantly turned a little heated, which was probably no wonder with how much they were talking about sex.

Dean couldn’t lose himself in the kiss because of Darla’s elongated whine.

“Why don’t we have foursomes, Zil?”

Cas leaned forward and whispered something in Darla's ear that made her giggle and moan before she drew Cas into a kiss again. 

Dean hated how much he wanted to know what he said. Cas never talked about sex with Dean. And here he was rubbing that fact in his face, as he clearly said dirty things to Darla. Well, two could play at that game.

He wasn’t going to let it ruin his night, so Dean took a quick look around, before he slipped his hand under Gina’s skirt. The heat of her pussy was warm against his cold fingers. At her widened eyes, Dean waggled his eyebrows and slipped his index finger into her panties and quickly teased her clit with the cold tip of his digit.

She gasped and leaned closer to him, biting his ear. "Fuck, Dean. You can't even wait until we're inside and I'm not freezing my ass off?" 

Cas and Darla were almost at the entrance when Cas looked back and waved at them. "Come on, guys. It's cold!"

Dean quickly slipped the digit through her already soaking wet folds and pulled it out to suck on it. He smirked. “Let’s go.”

Gina shook her head, but the smirk was telling, as they started toward the entrance. "Damn, Dean. We will have a lot of fun tonight."

“Well, gotta party like it’s 1999, right?” Dean said with a wink as they stepped inside the warehouse. The music thrummed through his body it was so loud, hundreds of colored lights flashing in haphazard patterns as they approached the coat check. There were hundreds of people. 

"Woahhh!" Darla shouted as she jumped up and down, immediately starting to dance. 

Cas leaned closer to Dean, his voice loud so Dean could hear him over the music, "Man, she is so gone."

Dean chuckled. “At least she’s having fun?”

"Yeah. But I have a suspicion this night won't end in sex." Cas winked at Dean. "Can you keep an eye on her? I'm getting us drinks."

Dean nodded as he grabbed Gina’s hand and pulled her with him to catch up to Darla. When they reached her, she was accepting a lollipop from a guy dressed as a baby, complete with diaper.

“Hey, Darla. Don’t you know you aren’t actually supposed to steal candy from a baby?” Dean asked as he gently grabbed her by the wrist.

"It's not stealing if the baby gave it to me. Where’s Zil?" she asked as she tried to get rid of the wrapper with her teeth.

“Grabbing us drinks. Come on, why don’t you dance with me and Gina?”

"Yeah-h-h." She giggled as she leaned closer to Gina. "You know, even if Cas isn't up for it, I'm down for a threesome with you guys."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. That felt a little too much like cheating. Damnit, why couldn’t Dean and Cas just fuck like everybody else?

"Isn't Cas your boyfriend?" Gina asked in surprise. 

Darla giggled and shook her head. "No-o-o-o, we totally fuck other people."

Dean shrugged. “Still, I don’t wanna exclude Cas, and I can’t fuck him.”

Darla rolled her eyes. "Cas and I are not exclusive, or even close to what counts as a couple. We just meet up sometimes and fuck. I can decide who I fuck."

Gina grabbed Darla by the hips. “Well, if he won’t fuck you, I will.” Without missing a beat, she dove in for a kiss.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up.  _ Shit, _ he wasn’t even mad. It was pretty damn hot to watch.

Cas came back with the drinks in that moment, giving Dean a surprised look as he tilted his head and watched the show. "Huh, I was only gone for like two minutes."

Dean shrugged as he took two of the drinks. “Apparently they’re both free agents, and don’t have to answer to us about who they fuck.” He took a swig of one of the bright blue drinks. “Go feminism.”

Cas shrugged and held up his plastic cup. "Cheers to that." He chuckled before he took a sip of his own blue drink. "Woah, this really tastes like... um, blue."

“I love a good AMF,” Dean hummed as he downed the rest of the first cup. He was about to interrupt the girls to give Gina hers, but she was now reaching third base with Darla and he felt bad about stopping that.

Cas leaned over to Dean. "I think we should go dance?"

Dean shrugged, apparently their dates were now each other’s dates. He downed the second AMF and grabbed Cas’s hand, dragging him to the dance floor.

Cas followed, squeezing his hand when they reached a good spot. He pulled Dean closer before he started to jump up and down to the music, never breaking the grin in Dean’s direction.

Dean couldn’t help but chuckle. “You know,” he yelled over the music, “if the world does end tonight, I’m glad I’m here with you.”

Cas leaned closer. "If the world doesn't end tonight, I'm also glad I'm here with you."

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. In the throes of thousands of gyrating bodies, swaying together in disconnected harmony, Dean knew he was damn happy at this point in his life.

The evening flew by, with the bare minimum of stops to occasionally dance with the girls, or grab drinks. And then the countdown started. One minute was ticking down on the enormous digital clock in the center of the large disco ball dangling over the crowd. Dean quickly found Cas and pulled him away from Gina and Darla.

“You know the superstition about whoever you kiss at midnight, you spend the next year with?” Dean yelled over the music and the chanting crowd.

Cas answered with a smile and pulled him closer. "Yes?"

Dean cupped his cheek. “I want to make sure you’re in my life for the next millennium.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer. "We should make it a long kiss, just to be sure."

“I’ll buy that,” Dean said as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips. As the countdown continued, and the noise grew louder, all Dean could focus on was the lips and tongue of the best friend he had ever had. And even if it was only going to be as friends, Dean couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with Cas.


	6. 2000 - Can't Fight the Moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: Apparently, I'm a big fat fucking liar either way! 
> 
> Daily updates, bitches!
> 
> This beast will be posted in its entirety within the next couple of days.

**2000 - Can't Fight the Moonlight**

A quick glance in the bathroom mirror showed him that his effort to calm down his hair had been fruitless. Cas sighed and decided to give up. Kim had mentioned at their first meeting that they liked it anyway, so looking like he had just been through a tornado maybe wasn't such a bad thing. 

Cas quickly ran to the living room to tidy up his medical school books and articles, before he gave his apartment a quick, critical once over. It looked decent enough. He got the wine ready just in time when he heard the knock on his door. He felt giddy anticipation, finally having found someone again that was only interested in having sex, since Darla and Gina were a couple now and were done sharing.

He had met Kim online in an aol chat room and they had immediately hit it off. Cas hoped their second meeting in real life would turn out to be just as exciting as the last time they had met. Kim was a very open minded person when it came to sex, and Cas liked that about them.

He opened the door with a grin and two filled wine glasses. “Welcome to Casa del Cas.”

Kim smiled, brow quirked, clearly impressed. They grabbed one of the glasses as Cas helped them take off their coat. “Now that’s service.”

"You said how much you liked white wine. So after our last awesome night together... this is me showing my appreciation," he explained as he hung up their jacket on the door, before he guided Kim inside and to the couch.

Kim plopped down, draping their ankles on Cas’s lap with a contented sigh. “You know, I think you’re the first normal guy I’ve ever dated.”

Cas couldn't hold back the laugh. "Oh, man, you must have dated some weird ass guys if you call me normal."

Kim shook their head, letting out a soft laugh. “No. I mean, you treat me normal. I’m not… some fetish, some taboo mythical creature to you. I’m just… Kim. You don’t know how rare someone like you is. Believe me.”

Cas gave Kim a long look, not really knowing what to say. “I’m not surprised by that,” he finally breathed out before he lifted his glass and clinked it against Kim's. “To us normal weird people.”

“I like the sound of that.” 

Cas took a sip from his glass before he put it on the table, waiting for Kim to do the same. He grinned at them before he leaned over and kissed their beautiful, full lips. When he leaned back he licked over his own lips, trying to guess the taste of their chapstick. "Cherry?"

“Cherry limeade,” they corrected as they slipped onto his lap, wrapping their arms around his neck and dove in for a deeper kiss.

Kim was hot, and an awesome kisser, and Cas was really looking forward to the sex tonight. Cas carded his hand through their short black hair before he slipped his hand under their shirt, playing with their perky nipples. "Fuck, you're so sexy, do you know that?" He groaned against their lips.

Kim drew back for a moment, giving him an incredulous look. “Have you seen you? You’re like a sexy DiCaprio.”

Cas couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, as long as you like it, I don't really care how I look. Didn't you tell me you had a surprise for tonight?"

“Oh, yeah, but we’ll have to take this to your bed for that,” they said, grinding their ass against Cas’s lap for good measure.

Cas wrapped his arms around their body and lifted Kim up into his arms, before he carried them over to his bedroom. "That won't be a problem, baby."

Kim giggled and let out an exaggerated sigh. “Aren’t you a prince?”

“We’ll see about that?” He answered with a wink. Cas put them down on the bed with a predatory smile. “So, what’s your plan?”

Kim waggled their eyebrows. “Brought some accessories.”

Cas raised his eyebrow as he knelt between their legs. “Accessories?” He was definitely intrigued.

That was met with a giggle as they quickly pushed Cas onto his back, crawling up between his legs. “Do you trust me?”

For some reason Cas felt a rush of adrenaline running through his body with that question. He liked it. "Yeah, of course."

Kim pressed a kiss to his lips and held up their finger. “Let me grab my bag.”

Cas watched Kim leave his room, and used the time to get comfortable. When they came back, Kim had their hands behind their back, flashing him a smirk. "Close your eyes." 

Cas closed his eyes, giddy with excitement. He could feel Kim wrapping a silky and soft scarf around his head to cover his eyes. _ Kinky. _

A moment later he could hear something metallic clicking. He wondered what it was before Kim reached around him and grabbed his wrist. He heard two clicks and felt his hands being tied against the headrest. Handcuffs.

Fuck, he was instantly hard. That was something he usually only experienced with Dean. 

"Someone got excited," Kim commented.

Cas grinned, pulling lightly against his restraints. This was going to be good.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

First day of fire academy. Dean was trying to keep his nervousness in check. It was on a small subset of the CPD training facility. As the bus pulled up to the stop right across the street from the joint, Dean felt the first wave of nervousness. There were a few people hanging outside of the gate, all shuffling nervously and looking lost.

Dean approached them with a laugh. “Lemme guess, fire academy recruits?”

A scruffy, handsome guy, maybe a couple years older than Dean, drawled in the most delicious southern accent. “What gave us away, brother?”

“You all look as lost and confused as I do.”

A petite red head held out her hand at him with a bright and energetic smile. “Hey, I’m Charlie.”

She was pretty damn cute. Dean took her hand and smiled. “Heya, Charlie. I’m Dean.”

"You can stow the charm, Dean. I only have eyes for the ladies."

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Well, can’t say I’m not disappointed, but I guess that leaves more dudes for me.”

As he suspected, Charlie had not seen that coming. She raised her eyebrows in surprise before she grinned again. "I think I'm gonna keep you."

Dean chuckled. “You’ll have to fight my best friend for me.”

“Ever heard of sharing?” she said with a wink. “And if your best friend is cool, we should totally meet up and hang out.”

It was weird, this instant bond he felt with Charlie. It was reminiscent of how he felt with Cas the first time they met. This weird lightbulb in his head, flashing over a sign that read, “this is a lifelong friend, don’t fuck it up.” Dean nodded. “Yeah, yeah. That could be real cool.”

"Cool, because you look a little bit like a geek. And my geek radar is so much better than my gaydar."

“Only half gay.”

Charlie tapped his chest. "That's what threw me off!" She waved over at the scruffy handsome guy. "This is Benny, by the way. Benny, this is Dean."

That specific southern accent made his knees a little weak in all the dirty ways, like wanting to drop to said knees in front of him. Dean didn’t so much lose his Kansas accent, as he took it behind a dumpster and shot it in the head. But if he sounded like that? Dean reached out his hand. “Seeing as complete strangers are divulging their sexuality instead of proper introductions, care to weigh in?”

"I'm straight," Benny replied with a charming smile. "But I'm open to new experiences."

“I’m into that.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas listened to the sounds of the modem connecting to the internet as he leaned back against his chair with a sigh. He had been feeling pretty good lately. He and Dean were hanging out more regularly, and Cas had found a new way of distracting himself. Kim had opened his eyes to more interesting sex. Sex that depended on trusting his sexual partner. It was all new and exciting, the more he started to learn about it. He had even found a BDSM chatroom that he frequented every night now, almost like an addiction.

He used a different name every time, the whole thing still had an air of a dirty little secret for him, and he wasn’t brave enough to try to meet anyone in real life. The internet gave him a safe place to explore this new side, challenging his own limits and opening him up to explore, to learn more about his kinks.

His new name as he logged into the room was AngelCake, because it was the first thing that crossed his mind as he looked at the anonymous login button. There were thirty other people online, most of them probably privately chatting with each other. 

_ AngelCake:  _ Hello

After a barrage of: “A/S/L” requests and clarifying assumptions that he was a woman, he was about to give up when he got a private chat notification from someone whose handle was: TearYouApart

_ TearYouApart: Assuming you’re real, hey. How’s it going? _

_ AngelCake: Thanks for assuming I’m a real person. I’m good, how are you?  _

Cas rolled his eyes. He was so lame. Whoever this person was, was probably already bored with him.

_ TearYouApart: I’m good 2. Just trying to navigate this brave new world. I have to admit, its pretty cool talking to people who don't live across the street. _

Cas couldn't help but smile. It was nice not to be bombarded by horny requests right from the start, and to actually talk to a normal person.

_ AngelCake: It is :D. Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking? _

_ TearYouApart: New Jersey, what about you? _

At first Cas wanted to write Chicago, but he hesitated. Should he really tell the person where he lived? He didn't even know this person's name, or if he was telling the truth about his location. Cas sighed before he shook his head. He was being paranoid. 

_ AngelCake: Chicago. I got to admit, your handle is a little bit scary. What made you choose it? _

_ TearYouApart: Chicago? Small world, I grew up on the south side before I moved here. _

_ TearYouApart: it's about what I like to do with my subs, not literal by the way. But I like the idea of tearing down any walls of resistance so you give yourself to unrelenting pleasure.  _

Cas bit down on his lower lip, stifling a soft sigh. 

_ AngelCake: That sounds enticing. I have to confess that I'm very new to all of this. I still don't know what I like. _

He had no idea why he felt like he could be open with TearYouApart. Maybe it was the way he wrote. Cas felt like he could be open.

_ TearYouApart: it can be a culture shock, what I definitely recommend, if you’re serious, is to go to an event and get to know people. I could talk to the dungeon master I’m learning from and find out if there are any events in your area for you? _

Cas's heart was beating faster. This was getting too real too fast.

_ AngelCake: I don't think I'm ready or brave enough for that yet. I still feel so uninformed, I guess.  _

_ TearYouApart: Are there any questions I can try to answer for you? _

He had so many questions, he didn't even know where to begin. His fingers hovered over the keys for a moment, happy that he had found someone who was willing to teach him about this world. 

_ AngelCake: I have a lot of questions. Thank you for taking your time to teach me. _

Cas grinned, wondering if TearYouApart would like the way he had phrased that.

_ AngelCake: I had a sexual partner recently who chained me to the bed and I liked it a lot. Especially because there was this trust between us. I could let them do this to me and I knew they would take care of me. Does that mean I'm a sub? _

_ TearYouApart: You definitely have sub qualities, but don’t limit yourself, you may find you like to switch. Tell me what about being taken care of made you feel. _

Cas couldn't help but smile. He really enjoyed talking to Tear. 

_ AngelCake: I like not knowing what my partner will do. The excitement of it. Knowing that I can trust them blindly to make me feel good. But I have been dominant in other sexual relationships before, so I'm really not sure what I like more. You said "switch". Is it common to do that? Do I have to look for a switch partner then too? _

_ TearYouApart: You don’t have to find a partner who switches, if you find yourself getting pleasure with your partner either way. Don’t think of it as a limit, but as an opportunity. If you aren’t picky about gender, you have even more opportunity. _

_ AngelCake: I'm not choosy about gender. :D Talking about gender, I don't even know if you're a man or a woman or something in between? _

_ TearYouApart: Good to know. _

_ TearYouApart: And I’m a man. _

He had no idea why he purred out loud in his empty apartment.  _ Man, _ he really needed to get laid. 

_ AngelCake: Me too.  _

_ AngelCake: How do you usually meet someone who is in the bdsm scene? And how do you know this person is a sub or a Dom? _

_ TearYouApart: I’ve been involved in a small local community here. We learn from each other and with the internet we’re broadening our outreach. And if you’re aware and in a safe space, you ask outright. And as you’re learning, you explain you’re a beginner.  _

_ AngelCake: Let's say I meet someone. A Dom. _

His heart was pounding now and he felt ridiculous that just this normal conversation with the guy had any effect on him.

_ AngelCake: I have no experience and don't even know what stuff he could do to me. And he doesn't know me. How can I trust the person when I don't even know what I want and like? _

_ TearYouApart: Well, we know you like being tied up. Answer me a question. Have you ever been with a biter? _

Cas thought back on all the sex he had with different people and he couldn't help but smile when one occasion came to mind. 

_ AngelCake: Oh yes, and I really like it. _

_ TearYouApart: Why?  _

That was hard to answer. Why did someone like things anyway? He scratched his eyebrow before he started typing. 

_ AngelCake: It's passionate. Like when lust gets so overwhelming it has to go somewhere.  _

_ AngelCake: And I think I like the combination of pain and pleasure. It just feels more intense then. _

_ TearYouApart: Exactly, and you’ll learn your threshold for the balance between pain and pleasure. You don’t blindly give your trust, but you have to be willing to give up the control if you want to be a sub. Control isn’t trust, it’s temporary, it’s a building block towards trust. So you have to honestly ask yourself if you could give up that control. _

It was a good question. He thought he could, because part of the excitement was about giving up control.

_ AngelCake: I think I could.  _

_ Angel Cake: I think a huge part of why I'm still hiding here in the security of the internet is still because I don't know what to expect. _

Cas took in a deep breath before he typed,

_ AngelCake: What would you do with me if I was your sub on our first meeting? _

_ TearYouApart: First, you would tell me your safe word. _

In his old childhood hideout he had a map of the moon hanging on the wall over the mattress. Dean gave it to him after Cas had given him the “moon” for christmas. Dean thought it was good to have a map. For treasures, or if they ever get lost.

Cas remembered how safe he had felt in every minute he and Dean had spent cuddling on the mattress. How they had come up with stories of visiting the moon and having ridiculous adventures. Their made up moon camp was in the Sea of Serenity. 

It was their safe space, so Cas thought it was fitting to choose that for his safeword.

_ AngelCake: Serenity _

_ TearYouApart: Not an ounce of hesitation. Good. _

_ TearYouApart: Our first meeting would be a slow introduction. It would start with the basics. You would learn the four most important positions: stand, kneel, inspection, and examination. _

Cas's dick twitched when he read the word “examination”. He needed to know more.

_ AngelCake: What is examination? _

_ TearYouApart: The examination position is when you are down on your knees, legs spread as you are bent over, hands spreading your asscheeks, putting your hole on display for me, as your face is braced against whatever surface I have you on. _

Fuck.

Cas stared at the screen for a long moment. His dick was hard just from imagining it.

_ AngelCake: And if I would do that. What then? _

He held his breath, staring at the bottom of the chat window.

_ TearYouApart: Then I examine your hole, make sure it’s good and ready for me. And if it isn’t, then I will be displeased. I have to focus on getting you ready instead of just stroking my cock and pressing in. _

Fucking hell. Cas moaned and opened his jeans to free his erection before he started stroking himself. This was so hot. He typed with his other hand. 

_ AngelCake: What will you do with me when you’re displeased? _

_ TearYouApart: Because I know you have that pain threshold, we would test the limits. First, you would get ten strikes with the palm of my hand, right over your unprepared hole.  _

"Fuck," Cas cursed out loud, stroking himself faster.

_ AngelCake: That sounds really hot. _

_ AngelCake: I don't know why but this is really working for me. _

_ TearYouApart: Are you touching yourself? _

Cas froze, wondering if that was okay. He decided to be honest.

_ AngelCake: Yes. _

_ TearYouApart: And did you ask my permission? _

Cas swallowed and lifted his hand from his dick to put it back on the keyboard.

_ AngelCake: No. I'm sorry. _

_ TearYouApart: Moving forward in any relationship with me, even a cyber one, means you offer your body to me, it is my property. And you always ask to touch what’s mine. If you don’t want to continue this, then we can keep this strictly as an informative relationship. Just type your safeword if you don’t want to give yourself to me. _

Was this crazy? Was this going too fast? It sounded so serious, having a relationship with someone whose name he didn't know, or how he looked.

But then this was just sex. Very, very exciting sex. And Tear obviously knew what he was doing.

_ AngelCake: I want to learn more from you. I want to give you my body. _

His heart was pounding again and he bit down on his lower lip, trying to calm down.

_ TearYouApart: Good. And don’t worry, we can keep this anonymous, strictly online, but this way I can teach you. Can mold you. _

_ AngelCake: I'd like that.  _

_ AngelCake: Can I touch myself now, please? _

_ TearYouApart: There’s a word missing from your plea. _

_ AngelCake: What word? _

_ TearYouApart: Master. _

Cas smiled and nodded, although Tear couldn't see him. 

_ AngelCake: Can I please touch myself, master? _

_ TearYouApart: Good boy. Yes you may, but only touch yourself where you want me to touch you. So choose between your hole, or your cock. _

Cas exhaled a shuddered breath before he typed,

_ AngelCake: My cock. _

_ TearYouApart: Good boy. You are not to cum until I tell you. _

_ TearYouApart: After the first ten strikes, I would then lave your sore hole with my tongue, opening you up while diving in, I love eating ass. And I already know your hole will be perfect. _

Cas was stroking himself, reading Tear's words, trying his best not to come. Fuck, his imagination was going into overdrive, trying to imagine how this would feel. He had fingered himself before, but he still had never bottomed for another man. He wondered if he should tell him. He bit down on his lower lip to stifle his moan when he decided to stick to being honest.

_ AngelCake: I've never bottomed before. _

_ TearYouApart: Even better. Giving me that gift means I will revoke the end half of your punishment. And I wouldn’t take. I will slowly pry you open, using my tongue and fingers to spread you wide.  _

_ TearYouApart: I would worship my gift until you beg me to take it. Begged me to fuck you, like you need. _

Cas moaned out loud. Fuck, he really wanted to feel that now. 

_ AngelCake: Fuck, I really want to feel that. Getting my tight hole fucked by you.  _

_ TearYouApart: And you would be tight, so fucking tight. So beg me, show me how you’d beg me, pet. _

His cock throbbed when he read that Tear called him pet. "Fuck," he stroked himself faster, trying his best not to come from the added pleasure.

_ AngelCake: I need your hhard cock please. I need you to fuck me hadrd and deep. I need it so much. I want to be your cum whore. _

He noticed all the typos in his sentence but he was way too needy to care.

_ TearYouApart: I’m not sure you’re sincere enough, let me feel your need, pet. _

_ AngelCake: Please. fuck I wish you were here. want you tto take me hard and fuck me into my bed. I need you to spread and fill me. fuck me hard please, i need your cock, i do anything you ask please. please give it to me. _

_ TearYouApart: Fuck, you beg well. I would, I would fulfill your need, I would sink inside, slowly at first, until you would almost whine with your need. I would then command you to fuck yourself on my cock. How would you ride me, pet? _

"Fuck," Cas whined and slowed down his strokes before he lost his mind. 

_ AngelCake: I want to sit on your lap, looking at you as I fuck myself hard and deep on your cock, master.  _

_ TearYouApart: Yes, I can just imagine your needy hole sucking me deep as you undulate at a maddening pace. Tell me, pet. Are you close? _

_ AngelCake: I'm so close, master. My cock is dripping. _

He slid his thumb through the precome and spread it over the head, almost making himself come. But he knew he wasn't allowed yet. And there was an extra thrill to everything, obeying his master. It was nice not to think for a moment. Just doing what he was told to do.

_ TearYouApart: Since I like your begging so much, I’ll give you a chance to beg for your release. Beg me, pet. Beg me to cum. _

Fuck. He was going crazy. And that was exactly what he told him.

_ AngelCake: Please, I need to come, master. I'm going crazy. You make me so needy with every word, just thinking of your cock ffucking me, my tight hole. Fuck i need you, need you so much. Please let me come. I'll do anything you want anything u ask. I want yo be your perfect obedient pet. _

_ TearYouApart: Cum for me, pet. _

Cas gasped out loud before he immediately came into his hand and all over his shirt. It was so intense he thought he was blacking out for a moment. After what felt like forever his gaze wandered back to his screen.

_ AngelCake: Fuck, I don't think I've ever come this hard. _

_ TearYouApart: You’re a quick study, pet. _

Cas couldn't help but smile over the praise. He was really lucky meeting Tear, who seemed to be an amazing teacher.

_ AngelCake: Thank you, master. And thank you for teaching me. _

_ TearYouApart: Let me give you my email. In case you want to keep this up.  _

His heart was beating faster again and he leaned forward, his finger hovering over the keyboard. 

_ AngelCake: Yes, I definitely want to keep this up, master. _

At least until he was brave enough to go out there and meet a Dom outside the safety of the internet. Maybe he could even meet Tear at some point. If the man… his master was interested. 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Their crew had finished their first month of fire academy, and their little group, made up of Charlie, Benny, and Dean, had decided to go out to celebrate. Charlie dragged them to a couple of clubs in Boystown.

By the time they’d reached Bam Bam’s, Charlie had ditched them for this pixie brunette.

Dean laughed and knocked the neck of his beer against Benny’s. “Welcome to Boystown,” he said as he leaned in, the music making it hard to hear. And if Benny so happened to smell good? Well, that was a perk.

“You sound like you're a regular,” Benny replied, with a charming grin that showed his canines. It was pretty hot.

“I come to this side enough,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

Benny looked at his beer and took a sip before he asked, “So, how does that work? Sometimes you want a guy, and sometimes a girl?”

Dean nodded as he took a swig of his beer. When a drop hit his chin he caught it with his tongue. “Yeah, basically.”

“Huh,” Benny replied, his gaze wandering over Dean's lips for a moment. “What do you like about being with a guy?”

“Well, I was trained to deep throat, so I really like having a cock in my mouth,” he said into Benny’s ear, slowly drawing back with a pointed smirk.

Benny cursed under his breath before his eyes landed on Dean's lips again. Benny licked over his own lips, sounding a little breathless, “Trained?”

Dean nodded again, before he pointedly locked eyes with Benny and wrapped his lips around the neck of his bottle, and swallowed to the base of the neck. He pulled back and wiped his chin with the back of his hand. “Yeah. Trained.”

“Fuck.” Benny slid a little closer before he growled, “You could come over to my place and tell me more about that. In detail. I think you should even give me an example of how good your training was.”

“Why wait? There’s a bathroom here.” 

Benny looked uncomfortable for a moment, looking around. “Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable… at my place?” 

Damn, it had been a long time since he slept with a closeted guy. Dean braced his hand over Benny’s. “I get it, but it’s safe here. You could kiss me right now and no one would bat an eyelash.”

Benny slowly retracted his hand and grabbed his beer. “I… I don't feel comfortable doing this out in the open. Someone I know could come here, with my luck.”

Dean grabbed Benny’s beer and gave him a challenging look. “I’m real good at sucking cock.”

Benny swallowed visibly before he looked away from Dean, destroying a paper napkin with his fingers. “Yeah, and I'd like to get a first hand experience. But why here? Charlie ditched us anyway, and at my place… we would have more time and space. And a lot more privacy.” 

He really didn’t need to press his luck. “Then lead the way,” Dean said purposefully before he downed the rest of his beer.

Benny gave him a quick grin before he got up and waved at Charlie, who didn't see them because she was already tongue wrestling with that girl.  _ Well, good for her. _ Benny grinned. “Damn, that's kind of hot.”

Dean grabbed Benny by the pocket and drew his attention back. “I promise, my lips wrapped around your cock will be hotter.”

“Yeah,” Benny breathed out before he put his hand on the small of Dean’s back and guided him out of the bar in the direction of his car. He didn't live far away, maybe ten minutes. Minutes where they both exchanged some quick, heated looks.

Benny lived on the second floor, a pretty nice and cozy apartment. He locked the door behind them as soon as they were inside, before he crowded Dean against the wall. “You're pretty good at teasing.”

“Even better at following through,” Dean purred as he palmed Benny’s impressive erection over his jeans.

“Fuck,” Benny growled as he thrust his erection against Dean's hand. He wrapped his hand around Dean's wrist before he pulled him through his apartment and into his bedroom.

He opened his belt and jeans with his other hand on the way, freeing his big cock before he sat on the edge of the bed, spreading his legs a little to make room for Dean. “Get down here and show me what you got.”

That little command went straight to his dick. Dean dropped to his knees, bracing one hand against Benny’s inner thighs while the other wrapped around the enormous cock. Dean licked his lips and didn’t waste a second, he wrapped his lips around that girth and worked his way down, relaxing his throat as he revelled in the weight of Benny’s cock on his tongue.

“Fuck, fuck, Dean,” Benny growled, his fingers flying to the back of Dean's head, gripping his hair. “Fuck, I wanna fuck your mouth.”

Dean hummed his approval of that idea as he relaxed even further, taking deep, steadying breaths.

Benny braced his other hand on the bed to lift his hips as he started to thrust into Dean's mouth. The grip on Dean's hair tightened, holding him in place before he started to push him down on his cock. “Fuck, you're so good at this. Wanna fuck my come down your throat.”

It was weird, but Dean kind of liked how rough Benny was being. He braced his hands on either of Benny’s thighs and took the brutal mouth fucking, making sure to swallow in time with Benny’s thrusts.

Benny cursed out loud before he pushed his cock in deep and filled Dean's mouth.

Dean hummed as he sucked and licked Benny clean. As he pulled off, he wiped his chin with the back of his hand. “So? Do I live up to the hype?”

Benny laughed and gently carded his fingers through Dean's hair. “That was the best blowjob I ever had. Fuck, you should give lessons.”

“Well, if being a firefighter doesn’t pan out,” he said as he got up and slipped into Benny’s lap. He straddled his hips and leaned in close.

Benny grabbed the side of Dean's head with both hands to keep him in place. He suddenly looked nervous, his eyes searching Dean's before he leaned in for a hesitant kiss.

Dean hummed into the kiss but not deepening it. When they drew apart, he chuckled and looked around. “Whad'ya know? The planet didn’t explode.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas had poured all his freshly dried clothes onto his bed to look for this one shirt, a black one with a tight fit, that he liked to wear when he was planning on going out to Boystown. 

The chatroom window was open and he had hoped he could chat with Tears for a little bit before he went out. It always helped. His master had a talent for making him so horny, he felt like he was going crazy.

Not that he didn’t satisfy him too, but Tears left him craving for more. For the real thing. Cas guessed that was the plan, because he still felt like he was light years away from going to an event and actually meeting a Dom.

He hadn't even had anal sex yet. And he sure didn't want to lose his anal v-card to a Dom. Not that it wasn't a nice idea, but... he couldn't imagine every Dom was as incredible as Tear.

And it was better to be prepared. At least Cas didn't want to stumble into this without even knowing if he really liked to bottom.

So he wanted to go out tonight and find a guy he could have sex with. It was time to switch places for once.

He heard a ping from his computer, and another private chat window had opened. It was Tear.

Cas smiled and sat down in his chair, t-shirt forgotten.

_ Angel Cake: Master! *kneels* _

_ TearYouApart: You’re such a good pet.  _

It was weird how happy simple praise from his master made him feel. He still knew nothing about this man. Neither his name nor how he looked. Not that it mattered. He was his master and Cas was his pet. That was the only thing that was important. He was learning so much from him, and Cas had noticed that since he had started this online BDSM relationship, even the fact that he hadn't seen Dean for a few days didn't influence him as much as it used to. This was the first time he felt content without Dean, and it gave him hope that a BDSM relationship could balance out the fact that he would probably be in love with his best friend forever. A friendship that would always stay just a friendship. So he needed to get the sex and physical closeness somewhere else. And for the first time this was working perfectly.

_ AngelCake: I want to be your obedient pet. You’re so good to me, master. _

_ TearYouApart: That’s because you’re such an obedient pet. You deserve your rewards.  _

Cas rubbed his hand over his still bare chest, for a moment allowing himself to imagine Tear was in the same room with him. He wondered what he would do to him.

_ AngelCake: I'm planning to go out tonight. Maybe find someone I can bottom for. _

_ TearYouApart: I won’t lie, I definitely wish I could be that man for you. _

Cas swallowed dryly and nodded. "Just fly over here," he said out loud.

_ AngelCake: I wish it could be you, master. You always take good care of me. _

_ TearYouApart: Goes to show how big Chicago is, pretty sure I would’ve stayed if I knew you. _

Cas smiled and wondered if it was okay to ask something personal.

_ AngelCake: Why did you leave? If you don't mind me asking. _

_ TearYouApart: My ex wife. She got a job offer out here and I stupidly followed her.  _

So Tear had been married. Now he wondered how old the guy was.

_ AngelCake: I'm sorry to hear that. Why don't you come back then :) _

_ TearYouApart: it gets more and more tempting, I promise you that. _

Cas's heart skipped a few beats and he shook his head. This was ridiculous. He hoped he wasn't starting to have a little crush on his first Dom. 

He didn't know anything about him. For all he knew, he could be a creeper. Cas’s heart told him otherwise, but he tried to ignore it. His heart was in no position to give advice anyway.

_ AngelCake: Is there anything I can do for you before I get ready for tonight? _

_ TearYouApart: Describe to me what you’ll say to Mr. Right-Now, do for him, when you meet him tonight. _

_ AngelCake: I would be direct. Go to him with a flirty smile. See if he smiles back. And then I would ask him if he wanted to spend some time with me. alone. _

_ TearYouApart: And when he says yes? _

_ AngelCake: Then I'm taking him home. I’ll slowly strip my clothes for him before I kneel in front of him and open his pants. I'm going to suck his cock before I beg him to fuck me. _

_ TearYouApart: Don’t you beg him. Those begs belong to me. No, you will politely ask. _

Cas smiled at the screen, wondering if his master was jealous. 

_ AngelCake: Of course, master. I'm yours. _

_ TearYouApart: Good boy. And don’t you forget it. _

_ AngelCake: Do you want me to imagine it's you who fucks me? _

_ TearYouApart: I already know you will. _

Which was true, Cas couldn't deny that.

_ AngelCake: It would help me if I knew what you looked like. Maybe you could describe yourself. _

_ TearYouApart: Won’t that ruin the magic, pet? _

It would make it too real. He was right. And Cas had to confess he had already built an image in his mind.

_ AngelCake: Just your eye color. Please. I will never ask about anything else again. _

_ TearYouApart: Blue. _

_ AngelCake: Thank you so much, master. You make me very happy. :) _

_ TearYouApart: That goes both ways, pet. _

Cas couldn't help but smile and sigh at his screen, like an idiot with a crush on his blue eyed Dom.

_ AngelCake: Do you want me to prep myself for tonight? _

_ TearYouApart: Yes. The only other person who gets to prep you will be me. _

Cas had no idea how his master could make him horny with just a few words. Him acting so possessive gave Cas a feeling of security and belonging he craved deep down inside. He was too reflective and self aware not to know psychologically where this stemmed from, but he tried not to think about it.

_ AngelCake: Tell me what to do, master  _

_ TearYouApart: Did you buy that lube I recommended? _

Cas had the bottle on his desk, because he had already hoped he could use it with his master. He quickly discarded his jeans and boxers before he typed,

_ AngelCake: Yes, master. Got everything ready to use. For you. _

_ TearYouApart: Then start slowly, using your index finger. Slick it up and slowly plunge it inside your tight hole. _

Cas slid forward on the chair and pulled his keyboard onto his lap as he spread his legs, putting his feet up on his desk. He grabbed the lube and squirted a good portion on his finger before he went to his hole and without teasing, just slowly pushed it in. He groaned and closed his eyes, trying to imagine this hot guy, now with blue eyes, pushing his finger into him.

_ AngelCake: It's in. Want it to be yours. _

_ TearYouApart: So do I. Alright I want you to slowly increase how fast you fuck yourself on that finger, until you’re trying to ride it in need of more friction. _

Cas whimpered in need reading his master's words. His dick was hard, bobbing up and down as he pushed his finger in and out. Slowly at first, but then increasing the speed when he felt himself opening up. He imagined himself being tied up and blindfolded, his master using him however he wanted. When his hips started to move he typed,

_ AngelCake: Master, please. I need more. need you. _

_ TearYouApart: okay, pet. Add another finger. _

Cas groaned as he immediately pushed in a second finger, alongside the first. They both filled and stretched his ass now, and he felt vulnerable and dirty propped up like this. Cas loved it.

_ AngelCake: I have two fingers in, master. Stretching my tight hole. _

_ TearYouApart: Now find your prostate for me. And when you do, hammer your fingers against it. _

Cas groaned and shook his head, biting hard on his lower lip.

_ AngelCake: What if I come from that, master? _

_ TearYouApart: You better. Now no more questions, pet. _

Fuck, his master wanted him to come before he went out. Almost like he wanted him first tonight before he could give himself to someone else. Why was that so hot?

_ AngelCake: Yes, master. _

Cas put his keyboard back on the desk with a groan as he pushed his finger in deep, feeling for his prostate, before he started hammering his fingers against it in hard and fast thrusts. He gasped out and moaned loudly, closing his eyes as he imagined his Dom doing this to him again. Making him come, watching him before roughly spreading his cheeks apart and exchanging his fingers with his cock. 

Oh, fuck, he needed this so badly. The image and feeling against his prostate combined pushed him into his orgasm quicker than he had imagined, his come painting his stomach and chest in fat white globs. 

"Fuck," he groaned out, looking down at himself, covered in come, with his fingers in his ass.

His Dom was really guiding him down the rabbit hole. He grinned and leaned over to type with his free hand.

_ AngelCake: Master, I came untouched. Just thinking of you and obeying your order. _

_ TearYouApart: You really are the perfect sub. Now clean yourself up, you have a stranger to fuck. _

Cas grinned at the screen. He really hoped his Dom was a little jealous. 

_ AngeCake: Yes master. Thank you. _

_ TearYouApart: Ur welcome, pet. Be safe. _

_ AngelCake: Are you worried about me? _

_ TearYouApart: What are you implying, pet? _

Cas bit his lower lip, his heart skipping a beat.  _ Please, don't fuck this up. _

_ AngelCake: Nothing master. I’m sorry. _

_ TearYouApart: Good. Just for that you need to make sure you send me an email that states you are home no later than midnight. _

So he was worried, hiding it behind his master role. It was cute. Cas rolled his eyes at himself as he typed back.

_ AngelCake: Of course master.  _

_ TearYouApart: Don’t disappoint me, pet. And enjoy your evening. I need to get to work. _

_ AngelCake: I won't, master. And thank you. I hope you have a great day. _

_ TearYouApart: Thanks b _

_ TearYouApart  _ has signed off.

_ “B”?  _ Cas stared at the screen.  _ Was that just a typo or…? No. _ Cas shook his head. As much as he wanted his Dom to accidentally use a pet name other than, “pet,” it was unlikely that had almost happened. Probably just a typo.

He was still smiling as he went to the bathroom to clean himself up. He was also still smiling when he got ready and looked in the mirror before he left the apartment.

Fuck, he felt happy. And it was weird that, for the first time, his happiness didn’t come from Dean. He felt almost guilty for it. Like he was betraying his own feelings. Which was all kinds of dumb. 

When he closed the door behind himself, he grabbed his phone and sent Dean a message.

_ Cas: Going out tonight. Wish me luck. ;) _

_ Dean: Like you need it. Go get ‘em, you sexy beast! _

Cas laughed and typed back,

_ Cas: Rawr _

Just because he felt happy, it wasn't like the world was ending. Everything was still fine and Dean was there as his best friend. Like it should be. So why shouldn't he enjoy the feeling?

_ Dean: And I miss you. We should go see a movie or something soon. _

Cas's heart stumbled.

_ Cas: I miss you too. And yeah you can always just come over when you want to, Dean. You know that, right? _

_ Dean: How does Sunday sound? _

_ Cas: Perfect. :D See you then. _

Cas grinned at his phone and pocketed it again before he went to Boystown. There was a bar he usually went to when he wanted to meet someone. He was determined to find someone who definitely looked like a top this time. 

When he got there, the only guy he felt any semblance of attraction to was clearly a bottom. Shy, intelligent, a bit of a geek. They had an incredible conversation about sci-fi, and when Cas brought him back home, he fucked the cute guy into his mattress. 

It was awesome, but the exact opposite of what he had planned. Before he fell asleep, he quickly wrote his master an email. It was still before midnight, so he hoped his master was happy he obeyed him. 

_ Master, _

_ I’m back home and going to sleep now. My ass is still a virgin. I’m very bad at picking up tops. I guess my ass has to wait for you to come back to Chicago ;) _

_ Sleep well, _

_ Your pet _

He grinned before he shut down his PC and went to bed, trying to imagine his master knocking on his door and fucking him into his bed, like Cas had done with that cute guy. He sighed deeply, before he fell asleep.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean smiled down at his phone. He was looking forward to seeing his best friend. It had been too long. He pocketed his phone and made his way up the stairs to Benny’s place. 

Familiar territory at that point, since they’d been hooking up a couple of times a week since that first time about a month ago. Dean smiled, thinking back on how easily they fell into a friend’s with benefits type of deal. 

If only he and Cas could have pulled this off, but the difference was he didn’t have a full on crush on Benny, but he did care for him.

When Dean reached Benny’s place, he knocked “shave and a haircut,” as he waited for Benny to answer.

"Hey," Benny greeted when he opened the door, quickly pulling him inside. Dean immediately noticed something was off. Benny seemed... tense.

Dean furrowed his brow and tried to lean in, to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

Benny pressed his palm against Dean's shoulder and pushed him away. Just gently, but the message was clear. He didn't look at Dean. "I... I can't do this anymore, Dean. I'm not gay."

Dean took a step back. “Neither am I.”

"Well, I'm also not bi. I'm straight. I... can't do this anymore."

“So… you didn’t enjoy any of this?” Dean asked, slowly making his way back to the door.

Benny shook his head and looked up at Dean with a pained expression. "I'm sorry, Dean. I told you, I'm open to experimenting, but… well, I'm not anymore. I tried it and it's just not for me. I hope we… we can still be friends though."

It was like he was in the Twilight Zone. Dean shook his head and sighed. “Yeah, I mean, it was just a couple of hook ups. Not like we were dating, even though this kinda feels like a break up.”

Benny rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh, fuck, it shouldn't feel like a break up. It was just sex. It didn't mean anything."

Dean scoffed and waved Benny off. “I get that, but you’re definitely treating this like a break up.”

"Why? What am I doing?" Benny replied with a frown. "I'm just informing you we can't have sex anymore. It's definitely not a break up."

“Benny, stop. Whatever made you revert back to hetero caveman, I read you. You can stop trying to make me feel even worse about everything, alright?” Dean grabbed the handle. He was done with this, and he should’ve known not to get tangled up with a closeted guy.

Benny grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Dean, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I thought we were on the same page."

Dean shrugged him off. “We were, which means you could’ve shot me a text, but instead you invite me over, to tell to my face you aren’t gay, everything we did was a mistake, and end things. Just… stop. I hear you, and I’ll leave you alone.”

"Dean... I, fuck, I thought sending a text would make me an asshole. I just wanted to explain." Benny stepped back from the door. "I didn't think you would take it so badly. You're the one treating this like a break up."

Dean was clearly in crazy town. He shook his head. “I’m not super excited about this. I was hoping to get laid, instead I got your internalized homophobia and some insults. So, thanks for that,” he said as he opened the door and slipped through it.

"Hey, not everyone who isn't into you is homophobic, Dean," Benny yelled after him before he slammed the door shut.

“Awesome,” Dean grumbled as he made his way down the stairs. 

The urge to call Cas, maybe see if he’d be willing to blow off his plans for the night and comfort him was overwhelming. And that was problematic too. He couldn’t keep relying on Cas to make him feel better.

When he reached the L, he realized he didn’t want to go home to lick his wounds. Dean pulled out his phone and called Charlie instead.

"Hey, bitch, what's up?" she greeted when she answered her phone.

“You busy? I need to bitch about men, and a lesbian is the best partner for that.”

"Sure. Come over. I have a bottle of white wine and some light scifi trash for background entertainment."

“I’ll be there in ten.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean ended up being twenty minutes, because he stopped at a grocer to grab a couple more bottles of booze. Wine wasn’t going to cut it. When he reached Charlie’s door, he knocked with a fraction of the energy he had from earlier. 

He leaned against the doorframe, and ignored the urge to open the bottle of Jack to start drinking right then and there.

Charlie opened the door with a lot of energy and a big smile that immediately vanished as she laid her eyes on him. "Wow. You look like shit. What happened?” She opened the door so he could come in.

Dean sighed as he stepped inside. “Remember that guy I told you about?”

“The closeted guy that you fuck on the side?” she asked as she pushed him into the living room and towards a very comfortable looking couch.

“Yeah, well…” he started before he dropped himself onto the couch, “he chose the closet. Invited me over tonight to break things off with me.”

She nodded and patted his shoulder. "I could have told you that, young padawan. Never go out with the people from Narnia."

Dean sighed and finally grabbed the whiskey. “I know, I just… I wasn’t in love with him or anything, but the sex was good, and I  _ do _ like him.”

"Well, there is nothing you can do. When they decide to go back to their fantasy land, we have to accept it." She grabbed the bottle from him, and poured the whiskey into an empty glass on the table before handing it to him. “You just need to get laid by people outside of the closet from now on, and that problem is solved.”

“I know, I just…” Dean polished off half the glass in one gulp. “I’m annoyed how much of a breakup this felt like, and when I said that to him, he started rattling off about how this wasn’t a breakup, because everything between us meant nothing.”

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Did it mean anything for you?"

“Well, yeah. Sex always will, but not the way he thought. I mean, saying sex doesn’t mean anything is bullshit. It has to mean something, I don’t fuck everything that moves, and if you don’t, then there’s gotta be something.”

“If I have to guess, your closet guy just didn’t want to admit to himself that it meant something. Not feeling wise, but maybe that he liked it.”

Dean sighed. “Isn’t that worse? That he’s lying to himself that much?”

“Of course it is. But it’s not our job to pull them out of the closet. Everyone has to take that step alone.” She leaned back against the couch with a sigh and sipped her glass of wine.

“I get that, it just… it sucks.”

"Yep," she replied, enunciating the 'p' at the end. "That's why I'm not doing this anymore. But hey, I know the best cure for that. Come LARPing with me next weekend. It's the perfect escape from reality."

“The fuck is larping?” Dean asked as he refilled his glass of whiskey.

Charlie stared at him before she laughed. “Live-action role-playing. I'm the Queen of Moondoor, and we're fighting dark elves in the forest. I think you would like it. You can dress up and fight with a foam sword.”

Dean stared at her incredulously, glass stopped just at his lips. “You’re fuckin’ with me. That doesn’t really happen in the real world, right?”

“Hey, stop looking so judgy.” She pouted and punched his arm. “You're talking to the Queen of Moondoor. And I could use more underlings. The Dark Elf population is growing too fast.”

“You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed with a chuckle. “And don't knock it ‘til you try it.”

“Alright, alright. So, what would I need to do?”

“You need to come up with a name for your character, and we need to get you a lore conforming outfit to wear, depending on the class you’re going to play.” She clapped her hands in excitement. “Oh, I can’t wait to drag you into this world.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he realized how in depth this sounded. “Can I… can I bring a friend?”

“Of course! Who’s your friend?” she asked with a grin.

Dean chuckled. “Just a friend.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas was in Heaven. He had no idea something like LARPing existed before Dean had told him about it. At first he thought he was shitting him, but when Dean explained it in detail, and Cas met Charlie for the first time, he couldn't wait to try it. 

Charlie had taught them everything about the rules, the classes they could pick, and Cas had the whole week to think about what to choose. He decided to be a Guardian, a healer that fought with holy light. He thought it was appropriate.

They were standing in a tent where they served coffee and snacks. A huge whiteboard, telling him about the other players and their skill sets. He already had an armor set that a young guy called Kevin had helped him create. Now his character only needed a name. 

Unlike Dean, he still hadn't come up with anything. Dean was going to be Zuul, the Queen's handmaiden. He bounced the pen against his chin as Charlie approached. “Dean told me Cas is short for Castiel, right? It's an angel name.”

Cas looked up at Charlie and grinned. “Yeah, why?”

“I love your name. It sounds badass, but also like an awesome name for a Guardian in the Queen's squad. You should call your character Castiel. I always wanted to have an angel in my guard.”

Cas frowned as he leaned back against the table. “Isn't it weird if I use my real name?”

“Well, Dean only calls you Cas, so for me that's your real name.”

Cas squinted his eyes at her. “You only want me so you can keep the name.”

“Please?” She gave him a big, wide-eyed puppy look. 

How was he supposed to say no to that?

“Also I'm your Queen. Castiel, my noble Guardian.” 

Well, that just wasn't fair. He grinned. “Alright, alright.” He wrote down his name on the character sheet before he looked over at Dean, who was talking to Kevin as he slipped into a tunic. He looked really sexy. 

Cas shook his head before he slid his filled out form over to Charlie – the Queen. “All done. Now I only need a sword.”

In that moment, a sword was slapped against his chest by Dean. “Dude.  _ Swords.” _

Cas grabbed the sword with a huge grin on his face, before he stepped back and whirled it around in his hand. "Fuck, this is so cool. I'm forever in your debt for bringing me here, Dean."

Dean cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. “My name is Zuul.”

Cas bowed. “The Queen’s handmaiden. I’m honored. I’m the Queen’s Guardian, Castiel.”

“Why didn’t you change your name?” Dean asked.

Instead of Cas, Charlie answered, “I insisted ‘cause I want an angel in my ranks. Remember… if you step outside of this tent, you're in Moondoor. That means no breaking character. You're not Dean and Cas anymore, but Zuul and Castiel. If you have to break character for any reason, this is the time out gesture.” She showed them a hand gesture that looked like a T. “This gesture freezes the game for you, so use this only in emergencies to not spoil the other players’ fun. In this tent, our coffee tent, you can be Dean and Cas again. Got it?”

Cas nodded and grinned. “I can't wait to go out there.”

“Me either,” Dean agreed as he looped an arm over Cas’s shoulder.

Cas smiled brightly, happy they had found another thing where they could spend time together. He had missed seeing Dean. “Lead the way.”


	7. 2001 - Chop Suey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: Motherfucker, TWO updates? Yeah, just, all the lies. Anyway, one chapter left now, and you're getting that beast tomorrow!
> 
> And, I just wanted to let y'all know, these last few chapters are significantly shorter because we wanted to build a believable distancing between Dean and Cas. Like a lot of close friendships, sometimes people drift apart, maybe not enough that they can't see each other, but maybe not close enough for daily conversation. It happens, but as always, Dean and Cas find their way back to each other.
> 
> P.S.
> 
> This chapter features mention of the 9/11 attacks on the WTC. I'm mentioning it because I'm genuinely not sure if I should warn for it? Tag for it? Is that offensive? So, I figured meet halfway, and give a heads up in the notes.

**2001 - Chop Suey!**

Dean was desperately trying to keep his heartbeat in check. Ever since the disastrous thing with Benny five months back, he had been focusing on alone time. Which led to Dean exploring his fetish for chick’s underwear. It started small, wearing it through the house when he knew he was alone. He started looking for his own place the day his friggin’ Dad almost walked in on him in the living room. Dean knew he would absolutely die if his father ever saw him in women’s underwear…

Then it grew. Dean started wearing panties under his clothes. Usually on short trips to get gas, or food, but never anywhere where he knew people. He could still feel the aftershocks from the 9.0 orgasm he had when he came home after that first time, his bedroom door barely closing before Dean took himself in hand.

There was a rush he felt, how dirty he felt. The way people would react if they saw him, saw his secret kink. That bled into longer trips. To family dinners. To academy classes. 

Cas had been off-limits in his head though. When he was hanging out with Cas. His best friend was… weirdly prudish when it came to sex, or at least, he assumed Cas was. The guy refused to kiss and tell, and would change the subject or shut Dean down if he tried to pry. If Cas ever knew…

He’d honestly prefer his Dad finding out.

And then the excitement started to waver. The risk, the thrill, was lessening. He still liked the way the material felt against his skin, how it made him feel, but it was like he needed something more. His pilot light was still on, it just needed a push. 

So that’s how Dean found himself, knocking on his best friend’s door for their weekly dinner, his favorite red satin bikini panties hidden beneath his favorite jeans. While there was a tremble of dread coursing through him, he could feel the pilot light getting hotter. Maybe this was what he needed. 

Dean let out a deep exhale, resisting the urge to palm his cock as he waited for Cas to open the damn door.

When the door was opened, he was greeted by a huge grin. "Hello, stranger. Right on time."

Dean was grateful his hand hadn’t reached his groin as he quickly raised it, and internally panicking, held it up for an awkward high five.  _ Goddamnit, Winchester. _

Cas frowned at him. His voice was a little scratchy. "Are you okay?" he asked, putting his hand on the small of Dean's back to guide him inside.

How he managed to repress the sharp gasp was beyond him. Dean cleared his throat and stepped further inside, so Cas’s hand was no longer on his back. “Yeah, just been a long day.”

"Well, sit your ass down and let me coddle you a little bit. Do you want a beer?" Cas asked with a wink.

This had been a bad idea. A terrible idea. Dean forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

Cas disappeared, and Dean heard Cas whistling something in the kitchen before he returned with two beers in hand, offering one to Dean. 

Cas pouted. "You must be tired if I don't even get my hug."

Dean let out a soft laugh. He couldn’t resist that face, so he wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders. “Hey, buddy.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and hugged him tight, his hand sliding down his back before he playfully slapped his ass and let go of him. "Thanks, now sit down. Dinner is ready," he said with a chuckle, and went back to the kitchen to get the food.

Maybe he should go to the bathroom, take them off and stuff ‘em in his pocket. Yeah, yeah, that was probably the best idea. Cas was  _ killing  _ him; between the feel of satin caressing his junk just right, and his way too attractive best friend being all handsy, Dean was on the verge of losing his mind. Half-hard and grateful his jeans were loose in the crotch, Dean called out, “Gotta hit the head first, I’ll be right back!”

"Okay!" Cas shouted back from the kitchen.

By the time he reached Cas’s bathroom, he was at full attention. After double checking he locked the door, he practically yanked his jeans down, letting out a deep groan at the way the jeans dragged over his cock, the satin the only barrier. Dean looked down at the outline of his painfully hard cock, strained against his panties. 

That wasn’t going anywhere, not anytime soon, and with how cuddly Cas was being, there was no way he wouldn’t notice. Dean needed to come, and fast. He started rifling through the cupboard, almost frantically looking for anything remotely close to lube. 

When he found the vaseline, he immediately stumbled out of his jeans and slicked his palm. 

"Dean?" Cas's voice was suddenly way too close, as if he was just behind the door. "Do you want ketchup or ranch dressing with your fries? Or both?"

_ Motherfucker!  _ Dean let out a hurried, “Ranch!” Hand stilled, but wrapped around his cock.

There was a moment of silence behind the door. "Alright. Hurry up or your food will get cold." 

“Be right there!” Dean counted out the seconds of a minute, certain Cas was gone, before he started pumping his cock at a furious pace. Just to be safe, he knew what he needed. As he stroked himself, he fumbled his free hand into the small jar of vaseline, coating his fingers before he slipped said hand into the back of his panties, immediately seeking out his hole. A few taps on his prostate and he’d come before Cas finished carrying their food to the coffee table.

"Dean!" Cas yelled again. "Do you wanna watch anything tonight?"

First digit frozen at his entrance as he slowed his stroking, Dean evened out his breathing as much as possible. “Sure. S’your turn to pick!”

Another beat of silence, and Dean carefully started sliding his finger inside, biting his lip to stifle any noise threatening to escape. Dean started circling his hole and pumping faster, grateful for the combined burn of pain and pleasure. The thrill of jerking off so frantically, so needily, in his best friend’s bathroom, wearing a pair of satin panties. 

Dean did groan then, a small almost whimper, and he knew that meant Cas would probably be back in no time. Dean immediately slammed a second finger inside, crooking the digits as he aimed straight for his prostate. He hammered his fingers inside...

“Any preference, though?” Cas shouted through the door.

_ Sonofabitch.  _ “Cas! Fuck off for like, three minutes! Please!”

There was silence on the other side before he heard Cas clearing his throat. "Alright. Sorry, since when do you get bothered talking while you're peeing? Geez."

Dean didn’t have time to feel bad. He held his breath for another beat of silence, before he went right back into the rhythm. It was quick, dirty, and when he felt that familiar tightening in his groin, Dean knew it was going to be one of the best orgasms he ever had. He gasped as he collapsed against the sink, staining his panties as he tried to steady himself.

His legs were shaky as he released his hold on himself. Dean grasped the sink and stared at his sated reflection. “Goddamn,” he breathed out through a chuckle. As he looked down at his noticeably stained panties, Dean couldn’t help the small smile. 

While he was pretty goddamn relaxed, he still slipped the panties off and shoved them into his pocket. After a quick clean up, Dean pulled his jeans up and hoped to high heaven Cas couldn’t smell sex on him.

Dean made his way back to the living room to find Cas, eating fries with one hand as he flipped through his DVDs with the other. 

He quickly looked up at Dean with a raised brow before he nodded at the plate with Dean's fries and chicken. "Sorry for annoying you earlier," he mumbled before he looked back at the DVDs again.

Dean sighed as he dropped himself on the couch. “I wasn’t pissing, Cas. And I think we both know that.”

Cas’s eyebrows shot up. Apparently they both  _ didn't  _ know that. "Oh... oh, um, sorry." He was quiet for a moment before he looked over his shoulder at Dean with a barely concealed grin. “No idea you needed to come over to do that.”

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed a piece of chicken off of Cas’s plate, never breaking eye contact as he took a huge bite. “You’re dumb. Now pick a movie.”

Cas held up a DVD with Woody Harrelson on the cover. "It's the Director's Cut. But if this is too much..." He leaned back on his palm, giving him a questioning look before he held up a  _ Coyote Ugly _ DVD. "I also got this."

Dean chuckled. “You definitely aren’t making this an easy choice. Also… why did  _ you _ buy  _ Coyote Ugly?” _

"To make you happy," Cas replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Although, I just learned you can make yourself happy without me doing anything." 

“Dick,” he said as he threw a fry at Cas.

It bounced off his cheek and fell on Cas’s plate. Cas raised his eyebrow and grinned teasingly. “Dick? Like the dick you couldn’t keep in your pants as soon as you got here?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I haven’t gotten laid in months, cut me some slack.”

After he popped the DVD in the player, Cas chuckled and leaned back against the couch. "Dean, it's okay. I get it." He suddenly frowned and looked down at Dean’s waist. "Hey, what is that in your pocket?"

His best friend was way too attentive. “Nothing,” Dean murmured as he scooted away from Cas and dug into his food.

Cas stared at him. "That didn't look like nothing. More like carrying underwear from your latest conquest in your pocket. Because that looked pretty red and satiny to me, what you had peeking out of your pocket."

_ Motherfucker.  _ Dean pushed the panties deeper into his pocket. “Go back to your food.”

Cas started to laugh and shook his head. "What is up with you tonight, Dean? You're not usually shy about sex."

Dean sighed and shook his head. “It’s been a long couple of months, dude. And I…” he hated lying to his best friend, but it was better than the alternative, “I kinda hooked up with this chick from work, but we, uh… didn’t get to finish.”

Cas chuckled before he frowned. "Man, I would have understood if you had to come late tonight or, you know, bail on me."

“You know Cas time trumps a hook up,” he said pointedly around a mouth full of fries.

"Aw, that's nice. But seriously, you wouldn't need to feel bad about it. You can have me anytime you want." Cas replied before he shoveled some fries into his mouth.

No, he couldn’t, and that was part of the problem he presently found himself in. Dean sighed as he looked over at his best friend, whose cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk. Damn, he was cute. 

Either way, Dean really needed to get laid. 

The movie started and it actually was  _ Coyote Ugly. _ Cas winked at him over his puffed out cheeks.

Dean smiled. “Who needs to get laid when I get that face instead?” he asked as he poked Cas’s cheek.

Cas crossed his eyes and grimaced, before he swallowed and replied in a sarcastic tone, "Yeah, who could say no to that?"

Dean quirked his brow. Once in a while, Cas would get really insecure about his looks, which made no sense to Dean, considering Cas was one of the sexiest fuckers alive… He tapped his nose. “Stop it.”

Cas playfully tried to bite his finger. "What?"

“Tell me how pretty you are,” Dean demanded.

"What? No." Cas looked at Dean as if he had lost his marbles.

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and held it. “Please.”

Cas pulled his hand away and looked at the TV. "Dean, this is stupid. Stop it."

With a deep exhale, he put his plate down and paused the movie. He shifted to pull Cas close. “What happened this week?”

Cas sighed deeply and put his plate down too before he pulled his leg up on the couch, facing Dean. “I got new medication. It's not working that well.”

“Doesn’t it take a couple weeks to kick in, though?” Dean asked as he gently pulled Cas against his chest.

“Yes, exactly. But I hoped it would happen faster,” Cas murmured before he pressed his face against Dean’s throat. His heated breath caressing Dean’s skin with each exhale. “I missed you.”

Dean pressed a kiss to the crown of Cas’s head. “Me too.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer. “Yeah?” 

“You know if I don’t get my Cas time, I’m a little meaner,” he said with a growl as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of Cas’s neck.

Cas practically giggled. “Meaner? You mean you're going around and  _ just not _ helping old ladies cross the street?”

“Precisely,” he purred, exhaling heated breath against Cas’s neck now.

It was followed by a sound falling from Cas’s lips, that was a mixture of a growl and a chuckle, as he nudged his nose against Dean’s temple. “Oh, man, we can’t have that. I recommend a lot of Cas time as a treatment.” 

“Soon to be Doctor’s orders?” Dean asked as he resisted the urge to press a kiss or two to Cas’s pulse point.

"Absolutely. Because that's the kind of medicine I'm studying," Cas replied dryly.

Dean chuckled and drew back. “You worried about starting your clinicals in the fall?”

Cas pressed his face against Dean's head before he whispered, "Yes. Of course I am. I've worked so hard to become a doctor... I don't want to fail at this, especially because my parents always told me I couldn't do it."

“Yeah, well your real parents have faith in you. And so do I.” Dean gave him a pointed look.

Cas pressed his lips into a thin line before he looked up at Dean. "Um... thank you. Thank you, Dean. Seriously, that means a lot to me."

Dean shrugged. “It’s true, the couple times I’ve met Dad for lunch at his office, I can’t even tell you how many coworkers ask if I’m the soon-to-be-doctor-son.”

Cas looked embarrassed, but he smiled. “Oh, man, your parents are the best. I haven’t seen them in way too long.”

“You’re tellin’ me. Anytime I come home they ask where you are. Not how I’m doing, not if I need anything. Where’s Cas?” Dean chuckled. 

Cas pressed a kiss to Dean's temple. "Well, next time you go home, take me with you."

Dean smiled. “How about dinner this Sunday?”

"Deal," Cas replied with a mirrored smile on his face.

As he and Cas snuggled closer on the couch, Dean hummed in contentedness. All joking aside, he really did need his Cas time.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

He had everything ready. The lube sitting on his desk, tissues next to the keyboard. He was naked, and Cas had goosebumps all over his skin from the slight chill in his room. 

Cas knew he would be hot in a few minutes though. He stared at the open chat room, waiting in excitement for his master to come online. One eye on the clock, he was counting the seconds to the time they had arranged to talk again. It was the tenth time now, and it was still as exciting as the first time.

His cock was already half hard just from thinking of his master, imagining him coming through the door of his room, seeing him like this. He didn’t touch himself, because he was now his master’s toy, a thought that brought him more excitement than he expected before all this had started.

A ping on his computer finally relieved him from the tension he was feeling.

_ TearYouApart is online. _

Cas grinned giddily as he typed,

_ AngelCake: Hello master. I’ve missed you. _

_ TearYouApart: Hello pet. How much have you missed me? _

_ AngelCake: I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the last time we talked. _

Which was the truth. Talking to his master was fast becoming addictive, and he couldn’t stop thinking about him.

_ TearYouApart: Paint me a picture, pet. Tell me what you’ve been thinking about. _

The first thoughts that sprung into his mind were his favorite fantasy, so he used that.

_ AngelCake: I’m imagining being on my bed, naked. My legs spread and my cock hard. Not from touching it, because I know I’m yours, but just from waiting for you. I look at the door, waiting impatiently for you to come in, seeing me on display for you.  _

_ TearYouApart: Such a good pet. And seeing you on display would get you a reward. I would allow you a kiss, but you can only choose between your lips and your hole. _

Fuck. Cas swallowed dryly and read over the last line again. 

_ AngelCake: That’s a very hard decision. _

He felt his face growing hot when he typed out,

_ AngelCake: My hole. _

_ TearYouApart: Good choice. I can already taste you pet. I’d spread those perfect cheeks and start by slowly massaging your rim with my tongue, until you were a whimpering mess. _

His cock was throbbing, and Cas couldn’t help the moan that fell from his lips. Fuck, this man was so good at making him needy just with words. 

_ AngelCake: Master, I want you so much. _

_ TearYouApart: Yes, exactly like that. I’d slip my tongue inside and I bet you taste so fucking sweet. I’m already rock hard just thinking about it. _

_ AngelCake: I’m hard too. Just from your words. I have no idea how you’re doing this. _

_ TearYouApart: Are you touching yourself? _

_ AngelCake: No master, you haven’t allowed me to. _

He hoped his answer would please his master. He wanted to impress him, hoping that he was special to him, like his master had become special to him.

_ TearYouApart: Such a good pet. I’ll allow you to touch yourself, but first describe to me (in detail) your favorite fantasy. _

Cas almost had no higher brain function anymore so it was hard to write back.

_ AngelCake: I wish you would come into my room and tie me to the bed, so I can't escape. I want to be kneeling with my back to you, so I can't see you, my ass on display for you. I'm trying to imagine you rimming me, opening me up before you hold me down and fuck me hard into the mattress. _

_ TearYouApart: Mmm, I can imagine you. I bet you’d be real pretty with some silken ropes keeping you in place. Tell me pet, have you heard of shibari? _

Cas tilted his head and tried to remember where he had heard that word before. It sounded Japanese… and it sounded kinky.

_ AngelCake: I don’t think so, master. _

_ TearYouApart: In Japanese it means to tie. I’ll send you a couple of links, but it’s strategic placement of knots and binds with a rope, that will not only aid in your submission, but your pleasure. _

His cock was glistening with precome as he read over his master’s words. That sounded amazing.

_ AngelCake: Is that something I can do to myself, or will I need someone to do this to me? _

_ TearYouApart: You would need a rigger. Not to mention, you should learn this art from someone with experience. _

Cas sighed deeply. There was so much he still needed to learn. He hadn't built up the courage yet to find people outside the internet to enjoy his new found kink.

_ AngelCake: You're the only one I know who lets me experience this new side of sex. _

_ TearYouApart: When you’re ready, and you’ll know when you are, there will be a new, exciting world ready to invite you in. Until that time, I will take care of you pet. _

Cas couldn’t help but smile. 

_ AngelCake: Thank you for being my guide. I feel like I couldn’t be in safer hands taking these first steps. You’re amazing. _

_ TearYouApart: As are you pet. In fact, you’re one of the better subs I’ve trained. _

Cas would have been lying if he said he didn’t feel proud at that compliment.

_ AngelCake: I’m happy to hear that, master. I love being your pet. _

_ TearYouApart: Would you be interested in taking this to the next level? _

For some reason that made his heart beat faster. But this time… not in a good way.

_ AngelCake: What do you mean? _

_ TearYouApart: If I bought you a ticket to New Jersey? So we can meet in person? _

And the anxiety hit him full force. It took a few moments before he replied, his hands shaking,

_ AngelCake: I can't. _

_ TearYouApart: That’s okay pet, I just wanted to put that out there. _

Cas exhaled deeply, happy that his master seemed to understand him. He hoped he would stay patient with him.

_ AngelCake: Thank you. That is good to know. And I'm sorry. I hope I didn't ruin the mood. _

_ TearYouApart: Of course you didn’t. And now you get to have a little power over your master. _

_ AngelCake: I have? _

_ TearYouApart: Yes, because you’re aware that I’m ready to meet you, so whenever you’re ready, if you’re ready, you get to initiate it. You have that power.  _

_ TearYouApart: Tell me pet, how does that make you feel? _

Safe. It was the first thing that came to his mind. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. Man, the guy was good. He smiled when he typed,

_ AngelCake: I feel safe. _

_ TearYouApart: Good. Now describe to me the toy you’re going to be using as a substitute for my cock. _

Cas grinned before he looked at the dildo he had bought. It was far away from the pink monster Dean had the nerve to call a dildo, but it would do the job. Hopefully. 

He smiled happily before he started typing. Cas was definitely going to enjoy the rest of his night.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was a rare day off for Dean. He almost always had a shift on Tuesdays, because of his availability due to the academy hours. He ended up switching shifts, and it was nice to have a break. Between working as an EMT and the fire academy, he didn’t really get days off anymore. He actually got to sleep in until ten. 

Dean stumbled out of bed in his studio apartment. He’d finally gotten his own place a few months back, and it was the best move for all of them. It was also nice to have space entirely to himself. It was damn awkward bringing people home still living with his parents. Not that he really had time to do that with his schedule anyway. 

When he reached his coffee pot, he saw the light on his answering machine flashing. He must have been out of it if he didn’t hear his phone ring. There were four messages. Without really functioning, he hit play and went back to making himself a cup of coffee. He was mostly ignoring the first message, from his Dad, until he ended with a frantic:  _ Dean! Turn on the news! _

That was weird. Dean shrugged, not thinking anything of it as he went to the couch and grabbed the remote. He didn’t even know what news channel he was supposed to go to, so he flipped through the channels until he reached one. 

It still wasn’t clicking, the frantic commentary, the image of a smoldering building. And then it clicked, this wasn’t a clip from some disaster movie. That was one of the twin towers in New York. Dean was in a daze as he fell to the couch, watching in horror as the news reporters tried to make sense of what was happening, if it was a terrible accident. 

And then it happened. Dean watched in horror as another plane flew into the second tower. The horror of watching it live, watching so many people trying to escape, some even jumping from the windows of a tower he couldn’t even fathom the height of. There was no way this was an accident. Suddenly there was talk of terrorists, and all sorts of commentary he was tuning out. He watched in a dazed horror as the EMS was inundated, trying to find and save any survivors. While he wasn’t a firefighter yet, he was an EMT, and if there was anything EMS workers did, it was work together. And he knew if what happened there had been at home, if the Willis or Wrigley buildings got hit, he would show up for duty, whether on the clock or not.

The second hand anguish he felt, the fear, the need to do something, to do something more than just watch all of the details unfold, live on the news like some sort of disaster movie, focusing on pre-apocalyptic events. 

Ignoring the alert from his coffee pot, Dean moved to his small desk and turned on the computer Mom and Dad had gotten him. The first thing he did was pull up a website for an airline.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas had been in the waiting room at the dentist’s when he saw the TV, showing the news. He watched it, saw the plane crash into the other tower, but his brain didn’t register that this was the actual news. For five minutes he just stared blankly at it, not thinking anything. 

His eyes wandered to the CNN symbol and he frowned. It wasn’t a movie. His heart clenched when he saw the destruction, people jumping out of the windows. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He needed to leave. He stood up from his chair, in a trance, and went over to the desk, looking into the sympathetic eyes of the woman sitting there. “I don’t feel well. I need to reschedule.” 

“Of course, Mr. Novak. Just call us when you feel better.”

Cas nodded and left the dentist’s office as he pulled out his phone, calling Dean. He heard the click, telling him that Dean had answered, “Dean? Have you seen the news?” He pressed out. “What is happening?”

“I don’t even know anymore. I thought it was a movie.”

“Me too. But it’s happening, right? I saw a plane fly into one of the towers and the other was burning. How did this happen?” And then he remembered that TearYouApart lived in New Jersey. He needed to go home and check if he was okay.

“I don’t know, they think it’s a terrorist attack. I just… I, uh… I bought a ticket to go out there. I wanna help them.”

“Fuck… yeah. I, um, I guess that makes sense.” Cas had no idea what to say. He just felt worried. It was a lot to process. “When is your flight?”

“Friday. It would’ve been sooner but all flights are grounded for the next few days.”

Cas guessed that made sense, although his head was a mess, where nothing made much sense anymore. “I have an internet friend in New Jersey. I… I still can't believe this happened. It feels surreal.”

There was a beat of silence before Dean said, “Where are you right now?”

“I just walked out of the dentist’s. Um, rescheduled my appointment. I'm on my way home,” Cas replied slowly, still feeling dazed. There was a woman crying on the street, but everything else was weirdly quiet.

“Come to my place.”

Dean's place was closer, and a part of him wanted to go to him, but he also needed to check on his friend. Maybe he was overreacting. He probably wasn't even near the towers, but… he didn't know anything about Tear besides his eye color. What if he worked in finance? Or as a firefighter, or a police officer? What if he was there?

“Okay… um, can I use your computer?” Cas asked after a moment. 

“Yeah, of course. See you soon.”

“Thanks, bye.” Cas ended the call and walked towards the L feeling queasy. He also noticed that he was on the edge of a depressive phase. He tried to ignore it, angry with himself. He needed to function, he seriously didn't need this right now. And still there was a moment where his eyes wandered to the tracks. 

He pressed his lips together and focused on Dean. 

Dean. Green eyes. Freckles. His smile.  _ Focus. _

The train arrived and Cas got on, exhaling slowly as he grabbed the handle, trying to shut everything out, only thinking about Dean. 

He felt a little better when he finally knocked on his door, knowing that now he was safe. 

When Dean opened the door, he immediately yanked Cas in for a hug and held him, just standing there for a few moments before he whispered, “I almost told you to take a cab instead of the L.”

Cas pulled him tighter and pressed his face against Dean’s throat. He swallowed dryly, wondering if Dean somehow knew how low he felt. He thought he had hid it. “Why?” 

“People are crashing planes into public buildings, I just… I’m glad you’re here,” he breathed out.

Cas closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Dean's throat before he whispered, "Me too. I think I really need you today."

Dean nodded against him as he started pulling Cas towards his couch, never letting go of him. They ended up bumping into the couch, Dean was moving them so blindly. “Do you want to use my computer before I force you into being my pillow?”

"Yes," Cas replied gratefully, a smile tugging at his lips at being Dean's pillow. As if Dean had to force him. "I just want to write an email and ask if my friend is alright. He probably is... I just need to know."

“Okay, I’m gonna grab us some beers. Maybe order a pizza or two.”

"That sounds like a perfect plan." Cas pulled Dean closer and kissed his forehead. He walked over to the desk in Dean's studio apartment, an open space that Dean had managed to clutter with stuff. It looked like a bomb had gone off in his closet, leaving all of his clothing scattered outside of it. Dean called it an “alternative tidiness.” 

Cas called it chaos.

Dean's computer was on, and he immediately went to the browser to log in on the website he used for chatting. He looked over his shoulder to see if Dean was looking, but he was busy on the phone, ordering pizza. So he quickly clicked on Tear’s user profile and sent him a private message.

_ Tear, _

_ I'm worried about you after what happened today, and it's probably stupid to assume you were anywhere near that terrorist attack but fuck, I'm really worried and I can't stop thinking about you. Can you just quickly get back to me and tell me that you're okay? _

_ Angel _

He read over it and hoped Tear would come online at some point soon and answer him. He would probably check every hour from now on. He logged out and closed the website, deleting it from Dean's browser history (just to be sure), before he headed over to Dean. "I'll probably have to check a few times to see if my friend got back to me in the meantime."

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I get it.” He grabbed them a couple of beers and handed one to Cas. “So, you made an internet friend?”

"Yes," Cas nodded. He didn't want to tell Dean that it was about sex, still feeling embarrassment about his new sexual experimentations. “It’s another student. Sometimes we talk and complain about the massive amount of stuff we have to learn, and the stress of the job.” He was basing Tear now on another friend at college, so it didn’t completely feel like a lie.

Dean flashed him a smile before he closed the distance between them, and rested his head on Cas’s shoulder. “Let’s go cuddle.”

Cas pulled Dean onto the couch and on top of him so his friend could lie comfortably, using him as a pillow. "I like being your pillow... or teddy," he murmured. He felt a little better now, although he was still worried about Tear.

“Yeah,” Dean murmured as he clearly got comfortable against Cas’s chest.

Cas tried to order his thoughts, a million different voices that wanted to be heard. He took in a deep, shuddered breath, trying to focus on the weight of Dean's body against his own. "What are you going to do when you're there?"

Dean lifted his head to look at Cas. “Whatever they need me to do. However I can help.”

Cas got lost in Dean's determined green eyes that looked way too sad for his liking. He nodded slowly before he touched Dean's cheek and rubbed his thumb over the freckles. "How do we get back to normal after something like this? Those wars... they always appeared to be so far away, and now they brought it here... I didn't even think it was possible."

Dean sighed and shook his head. “It’s like a bad movie.”

"Yeah," Cas shook his head slightly. "I only saw a fraction of the news, but I'm scared to watch more." He rubbed his free hand over his eyes. "Stupid, right? Shouldn't we watch the news to see what is happening?"

“I could turn it on?” he offered as he pointed to the remote on his coffee table.

“Yeah, I think we, um, should see what is going on. Especially if you plan on going there." Although Cas could understand why Dean wanted to go, and a part of him admired him for that, he didn't want him to. He couldn't tell his friend. It was selfish and stupid. But he was terrified that something would happen to Dean.

Dean nodded and leaned over to grab the remote. He clicked on the TV and it was an almost instantaneous bombardment of flames, and ash, and destruction, and devastation. 

"Fuck," Cas breathed out before he looked away, pressing his face against Dean's shoulder. He could still hear the reporter's voice, distorted from the live phone call from the scene. He wrapped his arms around Dean, a childish urge to keep him forever in his arms, just to keep him safe. 

Dean turned down the volume and curled closer to Cas.

It felt almost like Dean was thinking the same thing.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

There was no answer from Tear. Cas had checked before he said good night to Dean to go back home. He felt anxious as he opened the door to his own apartment, moving straight to his own computer to check the website. Still nothing.

It didn’t mean anything. There could be a million reasons for a lack of response. They had a scheduled chat time tomorrow night. Maybe he was just too busy to answer or check his mails. 

Cas had one eye on the news, the first estimated numbers of people who had died coming in.

The number looked so neutral, sterile. Like they weren’t talking about people. Cas shut down his computer and went to bed in a daze.

Sleep escaped him though. It was five am when exhaustion finally caught up with him.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas buried himself in studying the next day, but it was hard to concentrate. He was tired and his mind wasn’t focused. He drank four cups of coffee before he finally got into it and worked through the day, forcing himself to stay active and productive. Although everything in him felt exhausted and just wanting to go to bed, leaving it be for the next few weeks.

He had one eye on the clock. An hour before his scheduled time with Tear. Cas went online and waited.

It was quiet in his bedroom. He could only hear the clock ticking. No answer to his email and Tear wasn’t online yet. The appointed hour came closer, time felt like it was moving, the way a wad of slowly dragged chewing gum would.

He needed Tear to come online. He needed to know.

The clock struck nine. Their appointed time. Tear was never late. He was still shown as offline.

Cas waited. And waited. And waited.

Nothing happened. 

He chewed on his lower lip as he stared at Tear’s profile, willing him to come online. 

At four am, Cas fell asleep on his desk. Tear never logged on.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Three days later he heard about the number of helpers and firemen that had died during the terrorist attack, helping and evacuating people. That firemen were still dying from the danger in working in the debris of the crashed towers. That those helpers were in danger from noxious substances that polluted the air around the WTC.

And Dean wanted to go there and help.

Cas felt worse now, Dean’s flight a day closer. Still no word from Tear. And now Dean would be going there. What if something happened to Dean?

He hadn’t slept much in the past few days, and exhaustion was keeping him in bed. He needed to go to class, but he just couldn’t move. He just stared at the red numbers of his digital clock, feeling numb.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

_ Shit.  _ Where did he leave his charger? Dean was kicking himself for having such a messy place. He could hear Cas giving him shit for it.  _ Well, if you cleaned your apartment, you’d find your charger… _

It had been a crazy couple of days. He’d called Cas a couple of times, but he was clearly busy with school and work. That sometimes happened, they didn’t talk for a few days. But Dean had hoped Cas would at least call him, or stop by before he left for New York. His flight was in a few hours, so there was always that possibility.

When his cell phone started ringing, he smiled. Did he know his best friend or what? Dean pulled out the phone and frowned at the display. It was just a phone number, which meant someone who wasn’t in his contacts. If this was a telemarketer, Dean was going to be pissed.

Dean answered his phone with a gruff, “Y’ello?”

“Hey, Dean, it's me, Balthazar. Remember? We met at Cas's party a few weeks ago?” The guy said in a British accent. Dean remembered the guy, Balthazar was in one of Cas's classes, and a friend of his best friend.

“Yeah…” he replied, feeling a little skeeved out that this guy had his number. Dean was going to have to talk to Cas about that.

“We're a little worried about Castiel. He hasn't been in class for two days, and he isn’t answering his phone. Is he ill? Is there something he needs?”

A shiver ran down his spine. Dean instantly felt sick. He forced a quick, “I’m sure he’s okay. I’ll go check on him.”

“Ta’, mate. If he's sick, tell him he doesn't need to worry. I'll copy everything he missed,” Balthazar replied in an earnest tone of voice.

“Yeah, thanks…” Dean murmured half heartedly, hanging up on Balthazar before he speed dialed Cas and hunted for his keys. As the ringing increased, Dean felt the tightness around his heart constrict further.

When he reached Cas’s voicemail, he found his keys and hung up to redial. Dean was on the street in no time, hoping against hope there was a taxi nearby. The second time he got Cas’s voicemail, Dean had reached the street. He started walking to the L station as he kept an eye out for a cab. 

The third time he got Cas’s voicemail, he had been able to flag down a cab and gave the guy Cas’s address. 

By the time he reached Cas’s place, he’d gotten Cas’s voicemail nine times. Dean tossed the cash to the cab driver without waiting for change and darted up the stairs. Dean’s heart beat thumped with each step, and when he reached Cas’s door, he just started pounding on it. 

He called out Cas’s name a couple of times and stopped knocking for a beat, hoping to hear something on the other side of the door.

For a long moment he heard nothing. It was too quiet. It felt like an eternity before he finally heard shuffling behind the door. It was Cas's voice, calling out to him, tired and kind of monotone. “Who's there?”

“Cas! Let me in!” Dean started knocking on the door again. He was kicking himself for not attaching Cas’s key to his.

The click of the lock shifting echoed before the door was slowly opened. Cas was standing there in dark PJ's, rubbing his eyes, that looked puffy and tired. The bags under his eyes, a story of a lot of sleepless nights. “Hello, Dean,” he murmured, not looking at Dean, as he closed the door behind them.

Dean immediately yanked Cas in for a hug, the adrenaline of his worry coming to a halt, giving him emotional whiplash. He just held him for a moment.

Cas’s arms dangled next to his body without moving before he slowly lifted them and wrapped them around Dean. “What are you doing here?” he asked quietly.

Dean drew back to cup Cas’s face. “How bad is it?”

Cas didn’t meet his eyes, which was almost answer enough. “I… I don’t know. I can’t do anything anymore.”

Dean guided him to his couch. Cas’s place was… almost as bad as Dean’s. It had been bad. “Talk to me.”

Cas sat next to him and rubbed his hand over his face again. "I'm just tired. I want to sleep."

Without missing a beat, he pulled Cas against his chest and started rubbing his shoulder. “Did you stop taking your meds?”

Cas shook his head. "No, but the change of dosage wasn’t too long ago... and the last few days. You know..."

Dean gently carded his hand through Cas’s hair. “Did you hear from your friend?”

Cas's lips pressed to a thin line before he shook his head, not saying anything.

That was probably freaking Cas out. And if he didn’t know any of the person’s information, it wasn’t like he could call hospitals. Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s head. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he breathed out, unsure of what else to say. 

They were quiet for a while, before Cas suddenly whispered something against Dean's shoulder. So silent that Dean could barely hear it. "Please don't go, Dean."

_ Shit. _ How the hell could he say no to that soft plea? He hated to back out on his plan, but it wasn’t as though he was going officially. He hadn’t been able to get through to any of the emergency service agencies in the area to see if they needed help. Which in and of itself probably meant they did. 

But he was needed here more. As crazy as that may have sounded. Cas had priority. Cas would always, always have priority. Dean tilted Cas’s head up to look at him. 

“Okay,” Dean whispered.

Cas's eyes widened and Dean could see them tear up. "You’ll stay?" 

Dean nodded, gently cupping Cas’s cheek. “Yeah, Cas. I’m needed here.”

Cas sofly shook his head. "I feel so stupid. I hate that... I know how important this is to you, and I feel selfish for wanting you to stay."

“I know why you want me to stay, and honestly? If things were reversed, I’d probably feel the same way.”

Cas grabbed his hand and squeezed Dean’s fingers. “I would be lying if I said hearing that doesn’t make it a little better.” There was a soft smile tugging at his lips before he rubbed over his eyes again and took in a shuddered breath. “How did you… why are you here?”

Dean gently caressed Cas’s cheek. “Your British friend from school called me. Said you hadn’t been to class the past couple of days.”

“Balthazar?” Cas asked quietly, pressing his face against Dean’s hand with a soft sigh.

“I think that was his weird name.” Dean braced his forehead against Cas’s. “Why didn’t you call me? I’m on your list for a reason.”

"I… I don't know. I didn't want to… I didn't know what to say to you. I felt stupid for being so fucking worried," Cas murmured, his hands sliding tighter around Dean's back.

Dean tilted his head to press a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. “You can talk to me about anything. Even if you think it’s stupid. Especially if it’s stupid.”

"I don't want you to think I'm annoying and... that I'm too much." The underlying worry was loud and clear. 

Without missing a beat, Dean cupped Cas’s face in both hands and held his gaze. “Listen to me, Castiel Novak. You will never be too much, no matter how annoying you get, because you’re my best friend. And  _ nothing  _ will change that.”

Cas looked up at him; blue eyes full of pain and sadness, that just didn’t belong on a face like that. “Promise?”

Dean nodded. “Always.”

And then there was the faintest of smiles tugging at Cas’s lips. He hoped that meant that he had gotten through to him. That Cas would start to feel better, now that Dean was here. 

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Anytime.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had spent almost all of his time with Cas, and Cas had needed this more than he could have imagined. He still felt guilty that Dean had stayed with him instead of going to New York, but on the other hand, he was happy that Dean was safe. 

Cas felt calmer again, his depression waning, but he was still worried about his online friend. Two weeks had gone by without a single message, and Cas wondered if he would never hear from Tear again. There was a sting in his heart every time the thought crossed his mind. 

He concentrated on studying again to get his mind off of things, writing down notes and burying himself in work. That’s when he suddenly got a notification from his email. One new mail. He clicked on it without thinking.

And then he saw his name. One new mail from TearYouApart. Cas gasped as he quickly clicked on it, his eyes flying over the letters without seeing anything at first because they were blurred. He rubbed the tears of relief away from his eyes, squinting them as he read his mail, feeling breathless.

_ Angelcake, _

_ I’m sorry if I worried you. I’ve been busy. I know we agreed on no personal information, but I’m a cop and, well… I’m sure you’re aware of what’s been happening in New York. Been spending every waking hour helping our brothers in New York, between trying to locate family members who live in the city. It’s been. It’s been Hell. _

_ Fuck, this is going to sound like a Dear John letter, but I don’t know how free I’m gonna be over the next few months. But I want you to know I’m okay and I hope you are too. _

_ Your Master, your online friend, yours, _

_ TearYouApart. _

Cas gasped out again as he read the last few lines. He wiped away his tears with a smile, happy that his friend was okay. That was all that mattered in that moment. He didn’t want to write back a novel, seeing as Tear didn’t have much time. A part of him grinned as he tried to picture him in a cop uniform. 

_ TearYouApart, _

_ I'm so relieved to hear from you. I thought a lot about you in these past two weeks, hoping you’re okay. That’s all I care about. I just want you to know that if you need me, I’ll be here. Even if it’s after a few months.  _

_ I know everyone you will help will be in safe hands with you, because that is what I feel with you. Safe. _

_ Just make sure you’ll be safe too. _

_ Your pet, friend and yours, _

_ AngelCake _


	8. 2002 - The Scientist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: y'all I almost wanna cry. We finished this series a while ago and now it's officially complete. We put a lot of sweat and tears into this beast, so we hope you were able to bear the insane length of the first few chapters. Anyway, seriously, thank you guys so much for the amazing comments. Sorry we fell behind on replying to comments. I miiiissssssss it. Anyway, love your faces. Thank you for joining us on this journey, and being so open to exploration of the different definitions of what love should look like.
> 
> Anyway, here it is, the final chapter of the Domination & Submission: A Love Story series.

**2002 - The Scientist**

It had been too damn long since Dean and Cas got to do something stupid. Between Dean working an extra twenty-fours due to a staffing shortage, and Cas starting his residency at Mercy Hospital, they barely saw each other. And it was even more rare that they had a day off, let alone together.

But Cas got invited to one of the nurse's St. Patrick’s Day parties, and Dean hadn’t had a single problem being his best friend’s date. It happened to fall on one of his rare days off. They met at Cas’s place and hopped onto the L to the stop nearest her place. In the friggin’ Near North. 

Dean momentarily contemplated changing professions when they finally reached a friggin’ gorgeous house on Astor, several windows decorating a three storey Chicago greystone. A classical revival, reminding Dean of the types of homes depicted in New York in more movies than he could probably count. 

He let out a low whistle as he looked the house up and down. “Is this the kinda place you’re gonna buy yourself after your first real doctor check?”

Cas gave him a long suffering look. “You mean after I’ve paid back all my student loans?”

“And bought me a pony.” Dean winked at him.

“It might be enough for a crazy expensive coffee table,” Cas murmured, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Dean chuckled and looped his arm over his shoulder. “Man, I missed you.”

Cas leaned into him with a soft smile, his arm snaked around Dean’s lower back. “I missed you, too. I hope our work life will balance out soon.”

“Yours too, how’d you get stuck with night shift residency again?” Dean teased as they walked up the courtyard to the porch.

“I drew the short straw,” Cas growled. “I’m already counting the days. Night shift is horrible. You would think there was less to do than day shift, but sadly that isn’t the case, and minus half the damn resources.”

Dean chuckled and soaked in their moment alone as they waited for the door to be answered. “Hey, you’re gonna officially be a doctor soon.”

Cas grinned at him. "And you're a firefighter. We make a pretty awesome pair."

“Now we just need a friend who’s a cop and we’ve hit the trifecta,” Dean said as he drew his fist to his chest.

"The double dosage of uniforms would be too much for my heart," Cas replied with a head shake when the door was opened.

"Cas! You came!" His friend was greeted and immediately hugged by a pretty sexy Asian woman, big square frames making her brown eyes stand out. 

"Yeah, of course," Cas pulled back with a friendly smile and pointed to Dean. "This is my… my best friend Dean. Dean, this is Yuki."

Dean reached his hand out to her. “Nice to meet you.”

Yuki smiled at him as she shook his hand. "What’s in the water where you two grew up? You're both pretty hot. Come inside." She ushered them into the house, where they were greeted with loud music and chatter.

There were a lot of people. And a lot of people who were already three sheets and acting the fool. Maybe Dean should party with doctors more often. He shrugged off his coat and held his hand out for Cas’s. “Where should we stash these?”

Yuki took Cas's hand with a heated look. "I'll show you where you can put them."

Cas gave Dean a quick nod. "Be right back."

Dean nodded, feeling a little out of place, so he made his way to an elaborate dining table filled with different foods and a large punch bowl. Booze was definitely what the doctor ordered. He grabbed a fancy glass and filled it to the brim, before downing it in one go and grabbing a refill. 

“Wow, you’re thirsty,” a soft voice stated right next to him.

Dean turned and found himself mute for a moment. She was, hands down the hottest woman he’d ever seen. Deep dark brown eyes were alight with amusement, and he usually preferred blue eyes. Onyx hair perfectly cascading over her shoulders. She had a killer smile. “I’m willing to share,” Dean said smoothly.

“As if I would have asked,” she returned and grabbed Dean’s glass from his hand, drinking half of his punch.

“How do you know I don’t got cooties?”

“Female Intuition.” She winked at him, before she returned the glass with a flirty smile.

Dean took the glass with one hand and held out the other. “I’m Dean.”

She took it with a soft smile. “Lisa. Are you here with anyone, Dean?”

“Nah, I just like crashing rich people’s parties.”

Lisa raised her eyebrows, clearly impressed. “Any other party tricks?”

Dean chuckled. “My roof jumping days are over.”

That was met with a melodic laugh. Lisa shook her head, her hair falling in her face before she carded it away. “You’re really cute.”

Dean gently tucked a stray strand behind her ear as he said, “You’re gorgeous.”

She gave him a shy look, big Bambi eyes partially hidden behind long lashes, before she pointed to the couch. “Wanna sit?”

“I’d love to,” he said as he offered his elbow. Hoping he did Bogie proud in that moment.

Lisa smiled at him in appreciation and took it, letting herself be guided to the couch before they sat down. “So, southern gentleman? I detect a slight accent.”

Damn. She was good. Dean chuckled and said, “I’d hoped I got rid of it.”

“Why would you want that? It’s very sexy.” 

“That right?” he said with an emphasized southern drawl.

Her smile widened and she licked over her lips. "So, you're a country boy, moving to the big, bad city?"

Dean smirked as he tucked carded his fingers through the hair resting at her shoulder. “Kansas city boy.” Before she could reply, he leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. When she responded with fervor, Dean got the feeling he could easily fall for this girl.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It was the familiar fear he felt every time Dean met someone new. Would this be the one that finally snatched Dean away from his life? 

Cas shook his head. They were past that though. He would maybe lose his last shred of hope of them ever becoming more than just friends. A hope he tried to deny, but had accompanied him for a long time now. 

He knew though, in his heart, that he would never lose Dean as his best friend. It just wouldn’t happen. No matter what. And knowing that gave him the security to make a decision about his own life. 

He had debated this in his mind for months now, but seeing the way Dean made eyes with this girl made it easier for him to seriously consider taking the next step. 

Cas knew he would never find someone else he would love as much as he loved Dean, but it didn’t matter. Just because he wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship anymore, didn’t mean he couldn’t have another type of intimate relationship with someone. Something akin to what he had with TearYouApart.

No matter how much he wanted to move on, and not be fazed by watching Dean flirt with a hot woman, it still scared him. So, he distracted himself with Yuki, who had been flirting with him since they got there.

He ended up making out with her, but stopped when he wasn’t sure about how much the alcohol was influencing her decision to have sex with him. She didn’t take it very well, so Cas decided it would be a good idea to leave. 

Now he only needed to find Dean again. He wondered if he was still devouring that girl.

When he reached the living room, his fears were confirmed. Dean was still on the couch, and still making out with that nurse. Lena? Liesel?

And it still hurt to see them. He cleared his throat, trying to get Dean's attention.

Dean slowly drew back before turning to face him. He gave Cas a dopey smile. “Hey, Cas. Have you met Lisa?”

Oh, man, he really wished he could be the reason for Dean's smile. He tried to look as friendly as possible. "Yeah, Li… sa. You're on day shift, right?"

Lisa nodded, her hand rifling through Dean’s hair as she said, “Yes, transferred from swings a few months ago.”

Dean had closed his eyes, visibly melting into her ministrations. “Surprised you two never met before.”

"Nightshift," Cas replied tersely. "Dean, I need to go home."

Dean’s eyes widened and he whispered something in her ear. He quickly stood up. “You okay?”

Cas shook his head. "No, just... Yuki is pretty pissed at me. If you wanna stay..." He looked in Lisa's direction and didn't finish the sentence. He really hoped Dean would come home with him, instead of staying with Lisa.

“Yeah, uh…” He looked back at Lisa for a moment before turning back to Cas. “Give me a minute?”

"Of course. I'll wait outside." He didn't need to watch Dean say goodbye to Lisa, but he felt incredibly relieved that Dean was coming with him.

He walked out of the door and took in a deep breath of fresh, cold air. Someone next to him puked in the rose bush and he grimaced. Maybe it was the right time to leave.

After what felt like forever, Dean came through the front door, shrugging on his jacket, lips red and kiss swollen as he approached with a smile. “So, why’s Yuki pissed at you?” he said with a soft laugh as he stepped over the guy laying down on one of the porch steps.

"She wanted to fuck, but she was kind of drunk. So I bailed." He cleared his throat as he held open the gate that led to the street for Dean. "Sorry. I hope I didn't ruin your date. I get it if you want to stay."

Dean shook his head. “Nah, man. She was gonna be leaving soon anyway. She works in the morning.” He looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder. “I’m picking her up from her shift.”

_ Great. Just great. _ Damn his brain was a sarcastic fucker tonight. Cas hummed and leaned into Dean, enjoying feeling him so close. "You still want to sleep over at my place, right?"

Dean nodded. “Definitely. I say we get a couple of greasy slices from that pizza place that’s twenty four hour, and some more booze.”

Cas gave him a quick smile, feeling a little better. “Done.”

He squeezed Dean's shoulder and leaned closer to him. They stayed close the entire way home, even when they grabbed the pizza. It was hard to walk like that, but he didn't care. He didn't want to give up his position.

They put down the bag with the beer and the pizzas on Cas's shitty coffee table before Cas threw himself on the couch with a deep sigh. "Finally home."

Dean dropped on the couch by draping himself over Cas, with his full body weight. “Mmm, comfy…”

"Off," Cas halfheartedly complained before he spread his legs and shifted for Dean to get into a more comfortable position, wrapping his arms around him. "Gotcha," he growled.

Dean’s breath caressed Cas’s neck as he chuckled. “But pizza,” he whined.

It was hard to resist Dean's cute face. “Yeah pizza, what are you gonna do now, hm?"

Dean started to cuddle into him. “Guess I’ll just sleep,” he said as he started fake-snoring.

Cas laughed lowly and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s temple. “As if you could resist the pizza for too long. You’ll just wait for a weak moment to flee my grasp.”

“I could break our treaty and tickle you,” he murmured against Cas’s neck.

Cas hummed and closed his eyes, enjoying their closeness. Fuck, he had missed this. "Or you could ask nicely. Or beg. That will definitely work on me."

Dean chuckled again, the heat of his breath causing a small shiver. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

"You just know me too well." Cas yawned, feeling a little sleepy. This position was too damn cozy.

“True,” Dean said as he shifted up slightly. “Come on, you know you hate cold pizza.”

“Ugh, yes, I really do.” He pressed his palm against Dean’s torso to help him up. “Creative form of weight lifting.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “You calling me fat?” 

"I would never," Cas said, patting Dean's stomach with his palm. "You're exactly right."

Dean rolled his eyes and moved to sit up. He grabbed his greasy slice and started eating it over Cas. “Mmmm. Grease.”

Cas rolled his eyes. "What about me? Are you going to feed me?"

Without missing a beat, he held his slice in his teeth and grabbed Cas’s before drawing it to Cas’s lips.

Cas playfully bit into the other side of the pizza, his eyes never leaving Dean’s. It felt way more intimate than it should. Dean’s lips were so close.

“This is like a fucked up  _ Lady and the Tramp,”  _ he murmured around the slice.

Cas couldn’t help but laugh, which didn’t make the situation better. “Very fucked up.” He snickered as he swallowed, and tried not to choke on his pizza.

Dean slipped and ended up with their faces mashed together, the only thing separating them a greasy slice of pizza.

Cas’s eyes widened before he carefully pushed Dean up again, using the back of his hand to clean his face up. “You’ve gotten clumsy. Maybe we should sit up and eat?”

Dean chuckled. “Shit, sorry, Cas.”

“It’s okay.” He cleared his throat and winked at him, hoping he was able to hide his conflicted emotions. “Just try to not eat me.”

Dean pressed a playful bite to his cheek. “But you’re so tasty…”

"Ahh no, bad, Dean!" Cas chuckled and pushed Dean away from him. He really didn't need to get a boner now. Although the tightness in his pants told him it was already too late for that.

Dean laughed and grabbed one of the beers. “Damn, I missed you. Let’s not go this long without seeing each other again.”

“Seriously. My Dean battery was completely drained. It’s not a nice feeling,” Cas complained with a pout.

“Right?” Dean cuddled against Cas. “We should try and take a mini vacation together.”

“It’s high time for another road trip,” Cas agreed, leaning against Dean. “I can call you tomorrow and tell you when I can take some days off. We should really do this.”

Dean nodded. “Maybe we can find the world’s largest ketchup bottle.”

“Is that a thing?” Cas asked with a scrunched up nose.

Dean chuckled. “Sure is.”

“You’re shitting me,” Cas replied slowly. He was sixty-five percent sure Dean was shitting him. He had seen the largest ball of twine, so who really knew what crazy stuff was out there?

“I’ll show you the world, Jasmine.”

"On a magic carpet ride?" Cas asked with a grin before he bent over to grab a beer. He opened it before taking a large swig.

“Bet your ass.”

“So, Aladdin… think you’re gonna see Lisa again?” Cas asked slowly, hating himself a little for the question.

“Yeah,” Dean said, “told you I’m picking her up after work tomorrow, remember?”

Cas nodded and distracted himself with the bottle. He had forgotten about it, or rather, tried to repress it. "Yeah, hm, sorry. You're right. Guess I’m just tired."

Dean patted his knee. “Need me to head out?”

“I thought you wanted to crash here?” Cas asked quietly before he emptied his bottle in one go.

“Whoa, dude. Slow down,” he said with a laugh. “And I figured if you were yawning you wanted me to take the hint.”

"No." Cas yawned again and shook his head. "I really want you to stay. Missed you."

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand. “Let’s get you to bed. I’ll crash on your couch.”

“You can sleep in my bed with me,” Cas suggested without thinking. “Just like we used to when we were younger.”

Dean flashed him a smile and nodded. “Alright.”

Cas gave him a dopey smile, noticing the alcohol was starting to kick in. He opened the buttons on his shirt before he pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor. “I’m gonna brush my teeth.”

Dean chuckled. “I’m not,” he said as he crawled into Cas’s bed.

Cas shook his head and went over to the bed, grabbing Dean's wrist. "Oh, no, mister. You still have your toothbrush next to mine in my bathroom. There is no excuse for you. Come on. Doctor’s orders."

“Not a doctor yet,” he sassed as he rolled away from Cas.

Cas tsked. "Alright, no good night kiss from me then," he teased before he started walking to the adjacent bathroom.

Dean groaned and he heard him shift on the bed. “Dick.”

Cas grinned, and squirted some toothpaste on Dean’s toothbrush when he joined him at the sink. He looked at Dean in the mirror when they both started brushing their teeth. Cas was pulling faces, trying to get Dean to laugh. Just like he did when they were teenagers.

Dean quirked his brow before swiping some of the toothpaste from the corner of his mouth and wiping it along Cas’s cheek.

Cas turned on the faucet and splashed Dean with a handful of water in retaliation.

For that he got a pump of hand soap dumped on his head.

“Eww, Dean,” Cas complained. “Now I need to wash my hair because of you.”

Dean chuckled before he spit out his toothpaste. “I can help,” he said as he scooped some water from the faucet and splashed it in Cas’s face.

Cas wiped the water off his face before he put down his toothbrush and rinsed his mouth with water. "Very helpful," he complained before going over to the bathtub and starting the shower. He held his head over the tub and made his hair wet before he blindly reached for the shampoo.

Suddenly it was in his hand and he could feel Dean standing next to him. “I can be helpful.” Then he felt Dean’s hands in his hair.

He couldn't stop the soft groan falling from his lips. "Are you going to wash my hair?" Cas asked with a smile. His whole body tingled at feeling Dean's fingers in his hair.

“Sure, if you suddenly forgot how to be an adult.” Not that that stopped him from clearly opening the bottle and pouring some of the contents onto Cas’s head.

It was cold and Cas's body shuddered. "Coming from the guy who smeared soap in my hair. That is rich."

Dean chuckled. “In my defense, you deserved it.”

“For telling you to brush your teeth?”

“Exactly.”

"That's a very... very weak reason," Cas replied, closing his eyes with a hum as he enjoyed Dean massaging his scalp. "But this is nice."

“You’re such a cat,” he said as he tickled Cas behind his ear.

Cas purred and pressed his head against Dean's palm, like a cat. "Meow."

There was another soft laugh and then the water was shut off. Suddenly his head was wrapped in a towel and Dean guided him to stand up as he dried his hair. “Come on, Kitten.”

Cas purred again and braced himself against Dean's shoulder because he felt a little dizzy. "Can I be your tiger?"

“Don’t wanna be your tiger, ‘cause tigers play too rough,” Dean sang as he guided him back to the bedroom.

Cas playfully pushed Dean onto the bed. "I like rough."

“Do you now?” Dean asked through a disbelieving scoff.

Cas jumped on the bed next to him. "You watched me play basketball, right? When we were young. Don’t look so surprised."

Dean rolled his eyes as he rolled onto his side. “Come on, time for sleep.”

Cas tilted his head and laid down behind Dean, before he murmured, "Am I still your teddy pillow?"

Dean rolled over to look at Cas, his expression suddenly serious. “Are we weird?”

"Yes," Cas replied dryly. "The weirdest. You’re only realizing that now?"

“No, I meant…” Dean visibly swallowed as he toyed with a loose string on the sheet. “Lisa asked if you and I were dating.”

Cas frowned, trying not to let his hurt show. Fuck, he wished that was the truth. "Not the first time people assumed things about us."

Dean nodded. “That’s true.”

"We are just… different." Cas shrugged and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "But it works for us, right?"

“I think so. I mean… it has so far.”

Cas had a weird feeling in his stomach. "So... far. Do you... you want to change anything? Because of her?"

Dean shook his head. “No, no. I just… I don’t know. You know?”

Cas swallowed dryly and closed his eyes. His throat felt too tight. “We can stop being so physical with each other, if it makes things easier. I don’t want to be the reason for… Lisa feeling weird about us, or giving you shit.”

Dean sighed. “It’s not just about Lisa, any new people either of us date. I mean… some people might not get it.”

Cas bit down on his lower lip before he took a few calming breaths. He knew Dean was right. It was stupid to keep this up. He wasn't doing himself any favors either. They had never acknowledged it really... this thing between them, that they’d had since they were teenagers. The sexual attraction was there, he was sure Dean felt it too. 

But that was it. They were friends. Best friends, and they always would be. It was time for Cas to bury the hatchet on the hope that still piped up every time they were physically close. He needed to stop doing this to himself, especially considering the lows he had gotten to in the past because of his feelings. Dean would find someone. Maybe it was Lisa. Cas needed to accept that Dean was moving forward, and he knew he had to find a way to deal with it. Maybe a physical wall between them wasn’t the worst idea.

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face before he nodded. “You’re right.”

Dean leaned over and braced his arm over Cas’s stomach, pulling him closer. “Starting tomorrow,” he whispered.

Cas sighed and hugged Dean closely, burying his face against his throat. One last time.

It felt like saying goodbye to an era.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

TearYouApart had finally managed to persuade Cas to try going to a BDSM party. He had given him the info for an event in Chicago, telling him it was beginner friendly, what he should expect, and what the rules for those events were. Cas had had so many questions, but Tear had answered everything with the patience of an angel. 

It was one of the qualities he liked most about Tear. He trusted the other man. He felt safe with him. It made him open up to the experience, hoping he could have this in real life. Finally taking the step of getting dominated by someone he could touch and who could touch him. It was a pity that he couldn’t have this with Tear, but the man was still living on the other side of the country, and they had never really talked about meeting each other in real life. Mostly because a part of Cas was still afraid his well honed fantasy of his mysterious master would lose its magic once he met him.

It was the middle of the night when he stood in front of the club where the event was hosted. He had chosen to wear form fitting jeans and a tight shirt to show off his body, hoping he could attract someone’s interest. 

His heart was beating at an unhealthy pace and his hands were sweating as his mantra –  “these are just normal people who have fun with sex, nothing to be afraid of”  – started to work.

He rubbed his hands on his jeans and strode forward, pretending he did this every day as he finally entered the club. He was greeted in the hallway by a friendly looking long haired man, informing him about the event and wishing him a lot of fun.

Cas just smiled shyly and walked through a red door, past the room the guy had mentioned was being used for people to change into different clothes. There was music coming from downstairs. He could hear people talking, laughing, and even moaning.

Walking down the stairs felt like descending into the rabbit hole of Alice in Wonderland. He was descending into another world, with different rules and different expectations. 

There was a dance floor packed with people in various states of undress, rope dresses or leather outfits, leaving very little to the imagination. He felt excited and nervous, but also incredibly aroused. He watched them dancing, making out. There was a woman on her knees, getting her face fucked, and a guy chained to the ceiling, getting publicly spanked by a dominatrix. It was a lot to take in.

He saw a bar in the corner and he knew he really needed a drink. The bar was the perfect place to quietly observe his surroundings, because he sure as hell needed a few drinks before he felt brave enough to talk to other people.

When he started to sip on his gin and tonic, he could feel that he was being watched. There was a man sitting across from him on the other side of the bar. Cas couldn’t take his eyes off of the guy for at least fifteen minutes, feeling envious of the man's suave and calm demeanor with everything that was happening around them.    
  
When their eyes met over the counter, the man gave him a predatory smile, causing his heart to stumble and his breathing to hitch.   
  
The man got up from his seat and approached Cas, each step drawing them closer together. Cas’s breathing came out in almost ragged pants. The man slid next to him, resting his elbow on the bar as he faced Cas with a quirked brow. “You’re new.” It wasn’t a question.   
  
"Is it that obvious?" He tried to sound nonchalant, but he could hear the tremble in his own voice.   
  
That was met with a chuckle. “Only because you look like you’re about to pass out. You need to relax. Let me buy you a drink.”   
  
Cas was incredibly embarrassed as he felt the heat rise to his face. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. He cleared his throat. "Thank you. It's all very new... but very exciting. I'm Cas, by the way."   
  
“Dick.” The name dripped from his tongue like honey as he extended his hand. “Nice to meet you, Cas.”

Cas gave him a shy smile as he shook the man’s hand. Maybe he’d gotten lucky, and this would be an awesome start to experiencing a new side of sex. The man definitely seemed to be interested, and now that Dean had probably met the girl of his dreams, he needed someone who could take his mind off that. 

Dick pulled him closer, leaning in as he whispered in his ear, “Come, Cas. I’ll take you somewhere else, and then I'm going to make you mine. All your troubles will go away, because I will take care of you.”

Cas took Dick’s offered hand and nodded, following him. That sounded exactly like what he needed.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

As the tarmack cleared, the literal dust settling as the plane that brought him here began to make its journey back to the East Coast, Inias Knight tightened his grip on his shoulder strap as he got into a cab and gave the driver his Mom’s address.

It was a big move, coming back to Chicago. Moving with Tessa to the east coast had been one bad idea after another. Starting with a failed marriage and too many one night stands. Not that he wasn’t always safe, but condoms weren’t foolproof. Something Inias found out when he tested positive for chlamydia. Thankfully curable, but he realized too quickly he was playing with fire.

That was how he accidentally ended up at a munch. Inias had actually been trying to find the room where sex addicts anonymous were meeting up. He would find out later he was on the wrong floor, and had written the room of the number down wrong. So, instead of 304, he ended up in 403 and discovered the world of BDSM.

After that, he dove right into online chat rooms, getting his feet wet, so to speak. Discovering he was a Dom changed Inias’s life in many ways. Particularly in control of his addiction to sex. It wasn’t a cure all, but in having to maintain this mentality thanks to the culture, going out for one-night stands were now planned-around events. That control was what he needed.

It also ended up being an intensely great outlet, discovering new kinks, getting to meet some really cool, sometimes weird people. Inias was content to live out his life this way. Love was not his thing, and never would be.

Or so he thought.

When the cab pulled up to his mom’s place, Inias tipped the driver and made his way to the trunk. Duffel and shitty suitcase in hand, he made his way up the steps of his childhood home. Englewood wasn’t the safest neighborhood, not that Inias realized that in his youth. Not until his best friend ended up going down in a drug raid, and Inias made the dangerous choice to pursue a career in law enforcement.

Hell, he didn’t tell anybody until he got accepted into the police academy. He was given a lot of shit, but his friends ended up surprising him. 

Returning home hadn’t been an easy decision. His life wasn’t terrible in New Jersey, but between his Ma ending up with a broken leg, and his siblings being shit heads and refusing to make the move back, because Inias was the only one with a “transferable” job… 

Honestly, he probably would’ve done it if they didn’t guilt him into it. He missed his Mom. He kind of missed Chicago too.

After a satisfying meal and lots of fawning and admonishments for not visiting enough, Ma let him go to his old childhood bedroom to get settled in. When he sat on his bed, he pulled out his laptop.

There was another reason that moving back to Chicago was easier than he had anticipated. It had been a little over four months since they last talked. This guy he met in one of these BDSM chat rooms a couple of years ago. It was weird, he had no idea what the guy looked like, hell, he didn’t even know his real name. Only a handle, but damn… that guy was everything Inias loved in a sub. 

Their connection was instant, and he was pretty sure the guy felt that way too. A week prior, Inias had pulled up his old AOL handle and almost messaged him then and there. His username faded from being idle, the only evidence he might be nearby being an away message that brought a grin to his face:

_ It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure. _

They hadn’t talked in a long time, and Inias figured the news that maybe… just maybe, they could meet up in person could wait until he was back in Chicago. Apparently, that patience lasted about two hours of being back as he opened AOL and went to his buddy list. He couldn’t wait to see the guy’s reaction.

Inias smiled as he scrolled through the “A’s”.  _ Akbarsbitch, ALFluver, Ampedamp81, applesandpears77.  _ Inias shook his head and double checked.  _ Angelcake  _ was always between his buddy Chris and a former sub. He went to search for users, even though he was more than certain what his missing username meant.

_ Angelcake, user not found. _

Inias couldn’t help but let out the mirthless laugh. Of fucking course that was his kind of luck. Well, he hoped whatever reason Angelcake deleted his account was everything he wanted. He definitely deserved it.

With a soft sigh, Inias pushed himself fully onto the bed and cracked his knuckles before he pulled up the chat rooms. He couldn’t wait to see what the scene looked like in Chicago.

**The End**

**(But, you know, not really, cuz there’s two more fics after this ;))**


End file.
